Empty Nest Success Evangelist specializing in coaching mothers entering the empty nest. ★ Master Motivator ★ Podcast Host ★ Together we'll channel your freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy! ~ Christine, Your Empty Nest Coach
A Quick Take episode: short episodes where I quickly review a piece of earlier content and post between my monthly episodes.
Bad days, bad moments, and bad happenings are all part of life.
Eventually, you may even move to a place where it isn't worth labeling any day bad, but we must start somewhere.
As always, I'm cheering you on!
Coach Christine,
Your Empty Nest Coach
"But the moment we engage ourselves in our life, everything changes. Choose to engage your beautiful mind."
Listen now or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.
More goodies are below, too! Please scroll down to see them all!
An Empty Nest Success - Quick Take Episode: Bad Days "Choose to engage your beautiful mind." Your Empty Nest Coach podcast #emptynest #life #emptynestsuccess #difficult
This is an empty nest success quick take. An episode, in between my monthly episodes, where I look back at content I created before, share it and comment on it briefly.
[level-up music]
Today I'm scrolling through past Thursday thoughts about email(s) and one caught my eye. I haven't even read it yet. So I'm going to read it now and see how it resonates. This one's called bad days.
[music plays under this segment (reading)]
Some days I handle life better than other days, I used to beat myself up when I handled things poorly.
As a human, I'm going to make mistakes. It's all part of this beautiful thing called life.
One thing we can do when mistakes happen, is to remind ourselves that our words in our mind matter what we say to ourselves matters. These words are important.
Some days, we win at a big life goal, while other days we win at remembering that we matter, even when we do things that we might not be proud of doing.
It isn't what we do or say. It's what we make what we do or say mean, and what we make other humans do or say mean.
The more I help others, the more the universe likes to test my skills. When this happens, just like everyone else, those thought-box-deliveries come rushing in. They deliver thoughts that cause me to feel stressed, where my mind wants to go when I don't check in. Some days, I'm faster at others and realizing that I'm on autopilot. But either way, the moment I click autopilot off and begin to observe the thoughts bombarding my mind, everything changes.
It is so darn easy to leave on the autopilot of our mind. After all, we get to sit back and let life happen to us. It's so much easier to be the complaining backseat driver than the person who is driving.
But the moment we engage ourselves in our life, everything changes. Choose to engage your beautiful mind. You have the power to change everything with it, your thoughts, your emotions, your actions and your results. But first you have to choose to engage: to click autopilot off and go through the emotions in life.
You are worth it.
[end music]
And this was fascinating to read. I sent this on June 13 of 2019. It took me some effort to find the actual copy. I've bumped up my analogies a lot since then. I've added the idea of your protector or some people call it an ego who is actually on your side and working very hard to protect you. But we need to take the time to train our protector in a way that we get to embrace and live into our life.
If you want to dive in more, I'll put links in the show notes.
161: Empty Nest Success Quick Take - It is Time To Honor Yourself
Hello, my amazing friend.
Welcome to my first Quick Take episode!
Inspiration hit me just as I was wrapping up recording episode 160 to look back at some content (no plan) and see if I could come up with three quick episodes that way. I did!
I love this idea for reviewing content from the past, and it provides an easy way to deliver weekly episodes again.
Let's see how this goes!
As always, I'm cheering you on!
Coach Christine,
Your Empty Nest Coach
"The plan doesn't have to be your boss."
Listen now or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.
More goodies are below, too! Please scroll down to see them all!
An Empty Nest Success - Quick Take Episode: "The plan doesn't have to be your boss." Your Empty Nest Coach podcast #emptynest #life #emptynestsuccess #MakingAPlan #Havefun
This is an empty nest success quick take. A quick episode, in between my monthly episodes, where I look back at content I created before, and share it briefly. Enjoy!
[level-up music]
It feels right to look at the very first email I ever sent as part of Your Empty Nest Coach. I use Active Campaign, so I went into my emails and saw what I sent.
In May of 2019, I was testing the system. And I sent an email to one singular person. That was me!
The title of that email was Thursday, thoughts about “That thing.” I love(d) the idea of having a Thursday thoughts about email: just quick thoughts.
I tend to be way more wordy these days. And looking at this, I like how short and sweet this is. It didn't yet have as much to share either, though.
So here's what I said to myself:
[music plays under this segment (reading)]
That thing you keep thinking about, that thing you keep saying, “I'll do it later.”
It is time.
Time to make a plan and honor yourself by starting now.
Do it.
I believe in you.
I even have a little meme there. I was fancy.
[end music]
Here I am, years later, looking at this email that I sent to myself just to test things. Basically, I was creating content that I wanted to receive from others.
Looking back at this very first email (that I sent myself) makes me incredibly thankful that I did make the plan; that I did honor myself by starting. The me [of] back then wouldn't believe the things that I have accomplished in this time.
It has been slow and steady, beautiful, stressful (sometimes), messy for sure.
I've felt all the emotions, but I'm ever so thankful that past me did take the time to make a plan.
The plan doesn't have to be your boss.
The plan can be vague.
Sometimes just making the planisthe first step.
Make making the plan fun. And guess what, you don't have to accomplish everything that you want tomorrow.
160: Empty Nest Success - Give Your Child Space and Reaching Parenting Goals
Hello, my amazing friend.
Inspiration versus Motivation: it has been on my mind in all areas of my life.
In this episode, I share the idea of giving your child(ren) space to be inspired.
As I listened back to the episode, "inspirational parenting" came to mind to sum this up.
However, how I explain those two words here and what first comes to mind for you may be vastly different. I'd love to know your thoughts!
As always, I'm cheering you on!
Coach Christine,
Your Empty Nest Coach
"Give your children the space to be inspired to have a relationship with you: wouldn’t all of us much rather be with people who love us for who we are rather than remind us who we aren’t?"
Listen now or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.
More goodies are below, too! Please scroll down to see them all!
Empty Nest Success - inspirational parenting? This may not be what you had in mind. More in episode 160 of the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast #emptynest #life #emptynestsuccess #inspirationalparenting #parenting
Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #160. If this isn't your first time listening and you want to skip the introduction portion feel free to tap forward a couple of times. In this podcast, I focus on helping parents who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though; all are welcome here, as I’m focused on coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life, and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up
[level-up music]
your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.
I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today.
Here we go..
[up beat music]
00:00:50
This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.
00:1:19
Before we dive in -a special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass. SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. Register today for a free account to unlock a sampling of those resources - head over to EmptyNestSuccess.com - where you may also support this podcast, join the C.E.O. Training Team, or purchase other premium content.
Want to know more about the C.E.O. Training team? I’ll share more at the tail end of this episode.
If you are looking for something specific or would like to hop around within this episode, you’ll find time markers in the show notes.
00:01:57
[computer game level up music (short)]
My Wish for You Today
My wish for you today is that you realize the power you have within yourself. For example, take a moment to think of the you of ten years ago. Remember a happening in your life where you were stressed out and wondering how things were going to play out. Do you have it? Now jump to you of today, being you of many years later, what would you want to tell that amazing younger version of yourself?
Feel free to pause here while you think about it.
So I ask you, would you say something to your younger self that is encouraging - for example: “I know this feels like the end of the world right now. That is valid. You can work through that emotion, and also, I want you to know that you will manage through this, and you will look back on this one day and know you did it. I’m so thankful you are taking the steps you are taking right now but don’t forget to breathe, don’t forget to have some fun, don’t forget who you are, and don’t forget that you are doing an amazing job with all that you have on your plate. I believe in you. I am thankful for you, and I love you.”
Was it something like that?
Hopefully, what you came up with makes you feel good. If not, feel free to adjust it a bit until you come up with wording that you believe AND that makes you feel good.
And NOW, knowing that there is a future version of yourself that might want to say the same exact thing to you today - about things that might not be super comfortable in the present, you can use those same words for yourself.
Sure, I love reminding you how amazing you are but what is more important is that YOU believe and trust in your own amazingness. You’ve got this. You are navigating this life without an instruction manual, and let’s be honest, that is no joke.
00:03:57
[computer game level up music (short)]
New Things. New Things. New Things!
My personal new things, lately, have been - well - here are some examples: an unexpected new water heater, new roof repairs, a new car battery booster pack, oh, I do have a fun one (yes, this is fun for me) - solar panels for my portable generator. But in general, really fun stuff, right?
In all seriousness, though, I wish I had purchased the car battery booster pack years ago. Now, I don’t need another vehicle to jump my car, and feel confident I can help others if they ever need it. Do you have one of those?
I’ll put a link to the one I purchased in my show notes. Now that I have one and have seen how great they work, I believe everyone should have one of these - and no, this is not an ad or an affiliate link - I just love the thing.
00:04:45
[computer game level up music (short)]
My Lessons Learned
[inspirational music plays under this segment]
Give your children the space to be inspired to have a relationship with you.
Let me say that again.
Give your children the space to be inspired to have a relationship with you.
For many of us who have or have had our identities wrapped up in being a parent, this may feel super uncomfortable.
I’ve learned this lesson by watching my clients. I’ve been able to witness clingy moms who self-identify as “smotherers” - you know, like the Goldbergs? I’ve watched them begin to cautiously provide space to their children. Children who move out of the house, travel the world or take an activity that is difficult to comprehend as their parent.
The discomfort is fierce at first, and then it begins to level out into a calm ripple, if you will, until new emotions appear, such as surprise that they went days without worrying about their adult child. Or amazement that something they would have earlier lost their cool about or phoned all their friends to complain about for hours on end, well, these same parents now roll with the punches and find themselves even wondering, “What’s the big deal?”
Sometimes, they find that their children are at first unsettled by the change they are seeing in their parent - discomfort even - not in a painful way but more of a “who is this parent of mine, because I haven’t seen this side of them before.”
I’ve watched that parent who can’t seem to let go, holding so tight and causing their child to run away as fast as possible. I’ve seen that same parent emerge into a parent who appreciates where they are and what is ahead for them and their kiddo - even when that means they are continents away.
I’ve been able to hear first-account stories of the same children who couldn’t leave home fast enough to gain their freedom, become children who invite said-parent on trips with them, and also do things for mom and dad they never would have done before.
I’ve been reflecting on this lately. No, it’s not a scientific study - simply observation of some families. It does, though, make sense to me that when we, as parents, remove the forced expectations on our children in how they must behave and show up for us, that they then have the space to be inspired to have a relationship with us.
We’ve all heard it: If you love something, let it go.
And I don’t know about you, but I’ll choose an inspired relationship over a forced and motivated relationship any day.
It is better for everyone. It is better energy, and there is the space for everyone to be themselves. It’s beautiful. Sure, there are still messy moments, but they tend to be threaded with a lot more joy and silliness and overall fun.
Is there a downside to giving your child space?
When we do give them space and remove expectations, they have the opportunity to become keenly aware of the space. And this is where the blocks of relationship building that you have done up until this point matter.
If you give them space and in their reflection, they come to the conclusion that you don’t really love them - or like them - for who they are and that you really don’t have their back at all. They may not ever be inspired to relationship building with you.
I know, it’s really tough love, but it does happen. My guess, though, I’ll be honest, if you are listening to this podcast, this is NOT you.
But, my two cents - you can take them or leave them - is that I do believe most relationships can be healed if both parties are willing to show up in a way that gives space to one another. In a way where they’re aware that their own happiness depends on themselves - not on the other person.
I also believe in parental apologies where they are necessary- we are all human, anyway, and make mistakes. Sometimes we’re simply doing what we’ve been modeled our whole life.
We can learn. We can do better as we learn. We can apologize. We can forgive.
What we can’t do, ultimately, is control another human being. And would you want that kind of relationship long-term?
What we can do is be responsible for ourselves.
We can learn to love ourselves; we can treat ourselves better - setting an example (even if it is a new one) to our children, and then we can hold space for them to be who they are.
What a gift.
Wouldn’t all of us would much rather be with people who love us for who we are rather than remind us who we aren’t?
My listener, take care of yourself, my beautiful friend. Love on yourself. Allow your children space to be who they are - and love them for that - no more, no less.
Let them fail. Let them try things. Let them live. Celebrate for them when they are happy and let them know that you want a relationship for life with them, and talk about what that looks like for both of you - knowing that over time, how it looks may change.
Know, though, as you both grow more into who you are because the space is there to do that, you very well may be gifted with a stronger relationship than ever before.
Being a human and a parent isn’t easy.
I’d like to see my kiddo live life fully as they are meant to.
And if that means I’m in their life more or less - it is okay because they aren’t on this planet to serve me.
I’ve received the most thoughtful gifts, learned amazing lessons, been invited on trips, and am inspired all the time by my daughter. I can’t imagine a life where I forced more of what I need, what I expect, and I believe onto her. I know one thing for sure: I wouldn’t have any idea who she really was, and there’s a chance she wouldn’t either.
00:10:58
[computer game level up music (short)]
Ask Coach Christine
Christine, I’ve always wanted to be a mother. Now what?
I have heard this statement more than a few times from clients. Their life goal was to be a mother. Now that their child (or children) are moving out and on - in whatever capacity - they struggle with, “what now?” because that was their goal.
How incredible is it really, if this is you, you’ve reached your life goal?
First of all, parenthood doesn’t end because your child moves out. It does change. More than likely, you’ll see them again if you’ve earned a relationship with them, and, yes, we talked about that in the last segment.
Absolutely, things are going to be different in this new phase of life.
Parenthood should look different in the upcoming years, and now you get the amazing opportunity to create brand new life goals while knowing you’ve reached one. That’s amazing!
00:12:03
[quirky music under segment]
Christine? Christine? Christine, where are you?
Well, of course, C.E.O. Training Team to Empty Nest Success members have access to me, and I’m often creating resources for that space. I’m also traveling for an event or two and, believe it or not, taking some time off in October - [gasp].
And BabyBoomer.org! You’ll find this podcast now included in BabyBoomer.org’s podcast hub! BabyBoomer.org is the ultimate baby boomer news, guide & community - you’ll find topics such as news, entertainment, lifestyle, relationships, and more there. Full transparency, I’m not a baby boomer. I did mention that, and they thought my content was a great fit for their website visitors, so we have a lovely partnership - also check out the many other podcasts listed there as well! The link in my show notes will take you to the Kids & Family section of their listed podcasts.
00:13:07
[computer game level up music (short)]
What’s in your life’s toolbox?
Your C.E.O. Toolbox is the analogy we use here for items and resources that help you get through tough moments, enjoy the amazing moments, and then also do the deeper work as needed. Your C.E.O. Toolbox is yours. It should have things that work for you, and you should take inventory from time to time because sometimes things that worked well for you two years ago or a month ago, just aren’t working any longer.
Today, I’m sharing a top-of-the-toolbox item and it's standup comedy. My daughter invited me to see comedian Chris Fleming with her last weekend. The venue was incredibly intimate, which made it a bit surreal. Comedy is so good for the soul, and I do love using laughter as a reset. And laugh, we did! My face hurt for two days from all of the laughing. I’ll link some of my favorite Chris Fleming videos in my show notes - and try the one that’s E.T. related.
00:14:09
Two Questions for You
Question 1: Was being a parent what you always wanted to do?
and Question 2: Do you allow your child - or children - the space to be inspired into a relationship with you?
As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.
My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.
If you enjoy[ed] this episode, please don’t forget to share it with others; it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. Also, don’t forget to follow this podcast - Your Empty Nest Coach - in your favorite podcast player - or register for a free account in the empty nest success home. You may also join my Thursday Thoughts about email list, where I’ll pop in your inbox with a thought and updates on most Thursdays. Those are the best ways to be notified when I release a new episode.
All the links and resources I mentioned, you’ll find in this episode’s show notes.
Of course, I’ll be back next month with a new episode!
My empty nest or future-empty nest friend, may you provide yourself space to discover who you are because YOU ARE AMAZING!
We have Power Hours every Monday to reset yourself - you can show up (or not). You’ll get four private coaching sessions (15-minutes) with me to utilize however you like over six months of time.
You get all of the resources I’ve created to date, including workshops on a variety of topics, some lessons, what-if affirmations that show up weekly, and more.
159: Empty Nest Success When You're Self Conscious about Going Gray, Would You Try a Rage Room and a Giveaway
Podcast episode artwork is of where I recorded much of this episode - in my van!
Hello, my amazing friend.
This episode is packed full of content. Enjoy!📦
As always, I'm cheering you on!
Coach Christine,
Your Empty Nest Coach
"My wish for you today is that you already understand - or are beginning to uncover - who you are and that you fully grasp and know in your soul that you are here for a reason."
Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.
More goodies below, too! Scroll down , so you don't miss anything!
Empty Nest Success When You're Self Conscious about Going Gray, Would You Try a Rage Room, a Giveaway & More: episode 159 of the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast #emptynest #life #emptynestsuccess #goinggray #naturelessons
Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #159. If this isn't your first time listening and you want to skip the introduction portion feel free to tap forward a couple of times. In this podcast, I focus on helping parents who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though, all are welcome here, as I’m all about coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up
[level-up music]
your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.
I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today.
[up beat music]
00:00:46
This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.
00:1:14
Before we dive in - a tiny bit of housekeeping and I’m going to see how fast I can share these with you -
First, you’ll find time markers in this episode’s full show notes, if you are looking for something specific or would like to hop around.
Reminder #3 If you enjoy this podcast, don’t forget to follow it in your favorite podcast player - or register for a free account in the empty nest success home. You may also join my Thursday Thoughts about email list where I’ll pop in your inbox with a thought and updates on most Thursdays. Those are the best ways to be notified when I release a new episode.
And finally, a special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass. SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. Register today for that free account I mentioned - you’ll find it at EmptyNestSuccess.com - where you may also support this podcast, join the C.E.O. training team, or purchase other premium content.
00:02:11
[computer game level up music (short)]
My Wish for You Today
If you are in the midst of adjusting to having your kiddo - or children (plural) now living outside of your home - be it temporary or permanent, I want to encourage you to be patient with yourself, feel the emotions, take deep breaths, whatever you experience is yours to experience, and it doesn’t need to be the same as your friend’s experience. Be you and be IN your experience. I have many episodes, resources and videos on the socials about the adjustment. If you are looking for anything in particular, just let me know! And, I’m cheering you on!
Now, My wish for you today is that you already understand or are beginning to uncover who you are and that you fully grasp and know in your soul that you are here for a reason.
00:02:59
[computer game level up music (short)]
New Things. New Things. New Things!
I’m a minimalist at heart - if you’ve been listening a while, you already know that. And yes, while that applies to the physical things, I’ve been focused over the last month on what do I really have to do today? And the answer is always a lot less than my super long to do list is telling me to do. As I focus on being inspired into creation rather than motivated because I have to do a thing, life has become even more fun - even while finding plumbing leaks, having a new role at my day job, car not starting, and my daughter navigating her chronic illness. Just when I think I know the must-dos for the day, something happens and reframes it all again. And reminds me that I can shorten the list - again - because that list isn’t going anywhere.
00:03:47
[computer game level up music (short)]
My Lessons Learned
[inspirational music plays under this segment]
You may already know how much I love nature, and especially early mornings in nature. My most recent hang out early in the morning is a local park that has a lake. A few weeks ago, there was an incredible amount of fog. So much fog that you could barely see the lake. It made me think about the empty nest transition - whether you are going through it with a partner or solo, it doesn’t matter. There is an adjustment to discovering who you are going forward - almost as if discovering a new identity. For many of us, we’ve never really gone past the fog to discover who we are. I thought I’d share the lesson I gained by looking at the fog that particular day and it was a way to look at the phases of self-discovery.
Phase 1 - we are going through life surrounded by fog - meaning mostly going through the motions: doing what we have to do, what we’ve always done, it kind of feels like life, we say we are living, but we are so used to the fog, we aren’t even aware of it. It has become normal. Others may call this sleepwalking through life, or in the matrix, or unconsciously living.
Phase 2: The fog starts to clear - this is when you notice you are IN a fog, that there might be more outside of the fog and you take some careful movements forward. You realize you’ve been going through the motions, and you consider: is there more than this? There might be. There might not be. And you begin to ask yourself questions such as “Do I want more than this? Is this who I am? Who am I?” and more.
In Phase 3, you can see a big lake, as you look closer, with a reflection in it - and when seeing the reflection you scan to see where the water creates a line - a border - between land and air, but actually, it is blurring together making it difficult to determine. As with all of these phases, you wiggle a bit back and forth on whether or not you wanna keep on discovering, it is after all, all new and can feel scary and unclear.
Phase 4 is when you walk close enough to see your reflection in the water. You have to be so close to the water to see your reflection. The water is still and you take in the image as if you’ve never seen it before. Who is this person? Do I prefer the fog-filled auto-pilot life better? I might.
You keep going and reach phase 5: It dawns on you how unreal that image of you in the water is and you see that you are in a body that houses your thoughts, your emotions, your trauma, your love, your fears, YOU. And while others have been helpful and supportive, or may guide you on this path of self-discovery, the one who has the most to lose and gain is ultimately YOU. Imagine picking up a smooth stone, and tossing it into the water - rippling away your reflection.
You take a deep breath and another and you feel how your body exists in the world - how your feet touch the ground, how you stand in your physicality. You turn away from the fog and lake and know that while you aren’t sure who you are going to find, you can’t wait to be more of YOU and less of what the world has told you you need to be - as a child, as a parent, as a co-worker, as a friend. You feel empowered, scared, peaceful, excited, thrilled all at once but you know you have felt your connection to your inner self - for just a moment, maybe, and you want more than that. Ultimately, you know the you of ten years from now is who you are honoring by continuing the discovery. After all, you and them, you’re both amazing!
00:07:31
[computer game level up music (short)]
Ask Coach Christine
Christine, do you have a way to be less self-conscious about my appearance as I grow out my gray, or grow my gray hair out? What’s the proper way to say that?
This was a specific question asked during one of our C.E.O. Training Team (to Empty Nest Success) Power Hours - we do those weekly on Mondays. I asked when the self-consciousness appeared for this person and there was a very specific example of being out the grocery store - someone seeing them with their hair growing out and the thoughts coming in.
And here are a few things to keep in mind.
First, the thoughts that are causing your self-consciousness about your hair are your thoughts. Ouch, right? Because unless you have some magical power that allows you to dive into their mind, you are only guessing what they are thinking. More than likely this happens in a split second and you may feel your body tense or stomach feel off before you even notice that your thoughts have gone to how embarrassed you are about your hair (and yes, you can apply this to anything - not just your hair).
Second, the moment you are able to notice your concern of what someone else thinks about you, you have made a step forward. Celebrate this! You have begun to make progress because now you have the opportunity to do one of a few things: a) change the thought you are having b) stop it completely by thinking about something else, or c) keep thinking about it over and over, and over, and over,and over, and over, and over again.
The third thing to keep in mind is if you notice something you’d like to create less resistance in your life for you, such as this, do some thought-work around it when you’re not out in public. There is this part of you that probably doesn’t love the way your hair looks. If you did, you wouldn’t care what anyone else thought. It would be like someone saying they really hate the dress that you’re wearing, and meanwhile you’re in a pantsuit.
You’re not there in your head, so it doesn’t bother you. You’re like, “err, they’re crazy, I don’t know what they’re thinking about.
That’s where we want you to get with your gray hair.
Ultimately, this though-processing is yours to do but it is fun to play with what-if statements so let’s try that:
What if me growing out my gray hair represents me discovering who I am? What if I don’t care what anyone thinks about it? What future-me loves the results and is patiently waiting for the hair to grow? What if I find I don’t love it in the end and decide to color it again? What would I make that mean and what if I don’t make it mean anything other than I allowed myself this time of growth to be one that I tried something new? What if I love the results? What if I love the growing out process? What if I have fun with this? What if this process is one of peace and joy? What if?
So, those are some serious thoughts about it but we also then had an incredible amount of fun with it and I’m going to share that portion of my answer in the Find the Funny segment of this podcast episode.
00:10:26
[quirky music under segment]
Christine? Christine? Christine, where are you?
I was supposed to mention this ages ago but I believe I may have left it out of prior episodes, so better late than never! You’ll find me as a guest on the PractiMama Parenting podcast that was recorded also, ages ago, before my daughter had graduated from college, before my divorce, before my last name change - before the pandemic even. The PractiMama podcast, hosted by Lee Uehara is focused on mothers with younger children and I do love chatting to moms with younger children! The title of her episode is A Parenting Tip for Being Frustrated with Your Toddler - link will be in the show notes and the entire episode is under five minutes in length!
Also if you are listening to this episode within a week of its release, I have a giveaway currently going on, on TikTok to celebrate passing 10,000 followers. It’s hard to believe that many people have watched and decided to follow me at some point or the other. So, thank you if that’s you, or if that’s going to be you, I appreciate all of you: listeners of my podcast, followers on social media, and more. Look for the video that says Enter Now in the thumbnail to enter - I’ll be hiding that video once the giveaway ends. Good Luck!
00:11:45
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Celebrating you and your wins
Well, we have so much to celebrate this month from everyone. Super exciting!
HotFlashesAndCoolTopics: heading to 4th tennis clinic this week!
Bonnie Business Coach Frank: I took two weeks off work because my body was telling me that I needed a break. Entrepreneurs tend to be bad at self care and don’t stop working. I can vouch for that!
Katie Robinson: I overcame a mental block and successfully did a flying sidekick over a stack of 4 targets in taekwondo for the first time in ages! For the past month every time I saw more than two targets stacked I would lose confidence and stutter-step instead of jumping over them, but no more!
Eyyy Its Tafen says im going back home in two day for a visit, ive been away for over a month now for college and i miss them
Yaggi Toshinori: I've been working on a drawing and I've improved much more than I thought I could!
Okkilume: i finally made a decision to move where i truly want to live and quit my toxic workplace i'm still scared, but we're getting somewhere
Boneheaded_Alien says I’ve been consistently waking up before noon!
Skittelson135 says: i got the trash out on time!
Mannaquinskywalker06 : I’m closer to getting my permit than ever before
[cheers]
I had so much fun gathering all of these together, reading them again and thinking of you all - thanks for sharing your wins with us.
If you want your win included next time, be sure to follow me on Instagram or TikTok and comment on the next Wednesday Win video that I post - be sure to add a microphone emoji so I know I have your permission to share your win with my listeners. Wins big and small we celebrate them all. I can’t wait to cheer you on!
00:13:25
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What’s in your life’s toolbox?
Your C.E.O. Toolbox is the analogy we use here for items and resources that help you get through tough moments, enjoy the amazing moments and then also, do some deeper work, as needed. Your C.E.O. Toolbox is yours. It should have things that work for you, and you should take inventory from time to time, because sometimes the things that worked well for you two years ago aren’t doing it for you any longer. Today’s recommendation is a fun one if you have one near you.
What is it? Now, I haven’t done this one myself but one of my clients did and absolutely LOVED it. It’s the idea of a destruction room or rage room. While she didn’t go to a destruction room or rage room, she mimicked it in her house, in a way. I might have their particulars off a bit but I seem to remember mention of boxing gloves, loud music, a pillow or two to hit and a lot of yelling. The result felt so good for them that they shared it with us and said, “maybe I should find a rage room? “Now, they were alone, yelled a lot, and was completely safe - had planned it out, if you are curious.
I looked at her and said, “this is a toolbox item for you,” and quite honestly now I’m curious about trying this.
So, my listener, I ask you today, have you ever been to a rage room, or given yourself the space to consciously destroy something in an effort to allow your body to release whatever it is holding on to?
00:14:53
Let’s find the funny!
[giggles from others]
I did promise you the funny version of our gray hair grow out conversation and that was when I asked them what they thought the other person was thinking, they shared. And, I said, “so to be clear, you think that this person who probably is in Wal-mart or CVS or wherever you are isn’t thinking about the 400 things in their life but they’re really thinking something like”…
What is going on with her hair? She is really letting herself go. How could she leave the house like that and be seen in public? Doesn’t she know what hair dye is? I think this store needs to make an announcement. [noise] excuse us shoppers but we have an important announcement to make: we have a shopper who has decided to leave her house, drive here, and shop in the midst of “going gray” She’s in aisle 14 and we think you all should head over there to take a good, long, look. Be sure to make a face, to tell her it isn’t becoming and that she should go home. Thank you and have a nice day.
So, at this point we are giggling a bit but then we add… what we think is really on in their heads.
I don’t know what my wife meant by this on the list. What is the smell in this aisle. Oh, they changed the box color and I’m not sure which item is the one I usually buy now. I can’t believe I lost my phone today! Do I have the money to buy this? [sigh] I’m so exhausted. Oh,I just want to go home and sleep. Paper. Paper. Oh, can’t my children just stay close to the cart so I don’t have to worry about them getting trampled by other carts?Paper, paper, paper, all I need is paper. Don’t look at the other things. Paper, I need paper. Yes, there it is. Woo hoo! I’m outta here….
This all started from the mention of going gray and we end up belly laughing over the store announcements and what everyone’s thinking. So, I hope that next time you catch that pit in your stomach or tension over what someone else may be thinking of you, that you remember more than likely they’re dealing with their own stuff.
00:16:45
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What I Wish My Parents Knew
There is something that parents and grandparents say often - I’ve caught myself saying this - and I’ve heard multiple people complain about the impact of it. I’ve been on the receiving end of it, too.The statement is “just wait until you are older.”
The statement sometimes is around good things. Other times, it’s around things such as how great the younger generation has it now.
And what I’ve heard from the younger-set is that - and that I’ve experienced - is that it isn’t a super supportive statement. It has made me consider other things I can say when I start to want to say this - when I hear the words forming in my mind…
Rather than saying “just wait until you are older, ” How about…
I prefer honesty. So I’d probably lean toward, “You know I was going to say, “just wait until you are older, but I realize that isn’t super helpful.” - and then wait, see what comes out of it.
or
That sounds frustrating (or exciting) is that how it feels?
or
I remember feeling something like that in my life. I’m happy to share that if you think it is helpful, otherwise, I’m also happy to be a place for you to process your experience.
Or how about
If it’s more serious - “That sounds serious. May I help in any way? I’m finding myself wanting to jump in and help.”
Those are some ideas.
Obviously, you can keep saying “Just wait until you are older,” you do you after all. It’s easy to fall into the trap to think you know how something is going to play out for someone but ultimately, we aren’t them. So removing some assumptions - no matter how well we know them - might be an interesting thing to try. As always, have fun with it!
00:18:30
Two Questions for You
Question 1: Are you able to identify thoughts that don’t serve you, throughout the day?
and Question 2: Have you been to or would you go to a rage room?
As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.
My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.
If you enjoy this episode please don’t forget to share it with others, it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. Yes, all the goodies, links and resources are in my show notes. I’ll be back next month with a new episode.
My empty nest or future-empty nest friend, have some fun. Take some deep breaths, take some walks, and feel your inner you within your body - you might learn something and of course, remember that YOU ARE AMAZING!
[end music]
00:19:28
[bloopers]
00:20:29
Still Listening?
My new last name? It is now Oakfield. I am Christine Oakfield. I love it and am starting to get used to using it. Thanks for all the messages about my name change which I spoke about in my last episode.
158: Empty Nest Success - When The Path Becomes Clear & Guest LaTrina Rogers on What She Wishes Parents of College Students Knew
Podcast episode artwork is a selfie on a sunrise walk. This is real life.
Hello, my amazing friend.
Life will continue to test your thoughts about everything. Be cognizant of what is going on in your mind, as it is game-changing.
As always, I'm cheering you on!
Coach Christine,
Your Empty Nest Coach
"No one was ever in my way more than I allowed them to be AND no one was ever in my way more than I was."
Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.
More goodies below, too! Scroll down , so you don't miss anything!
"No one was ever in my way more than I allowed them to be AND no one was ever in my way more than I was." episode 158 of the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast #emptynest #life #emptynestsuccess
LaTrina Rogers, M.S. Ed. is the Director of Residential Life at Ranken Technical College in St. Louis, MO. Driven by a passion for student success, she assists college students to find their voice for self advocacy and implement responsibility and independence while living on campus. A Student Affairs Professional with 19 years experience in higher education, LaTrina has worked in a variety of roles including Admissions, Academic Advising, Veterans Advising and currently Residence Life.
Her goal to encourage student independence led to the creation of her brand “The Dorm Mom”. LaTrina’s brand has launched with the goal of coaching parents to transition from leading their students to supporting them as they embark on independence while experiencing student housing on their college campus. She also writes for CollegiateParent a magazine and website for parents preparing their students to attend college.
Dedicated to encouraging and helping others, LaTrina serves the community with several organizations. She serves on the Board of Directors of Valeda’s Hope, a community support breast cancer organization. As the President of the Board of Advisors for The Hurston & Hughes Literary Circle, LaTrina supports the literary exposure to students of authors of the Black and Brown diaspora. LaTrina also served the American Heart Association in St. Louis over 15 years as a volunteer with the Multicultural Committee (Chair 2012-2014) and winner of the Community Impact Award. She is also a member of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc.which serves the community based on its founding principles of Scholarship, Service, Sisterhood, and Finer Womanhood.
* affiliate link to SupaPass - which powers our community! Should you purchase using the link, I make a commission.
Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #158. If this isn't your first time listening and you want to skip the introduction portion feel free to tap forward a couple of times. In this podcast, I focus on helping parents who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though, all are welcome here, as I’m all about coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up
[level-up music]
your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.
I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. Here we go…
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00:00:53
This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.
00:1:22
Before we dive in, this is the first episode I have released since the June 24th Supreme Court decision to overturn Roe versus Wade, and I’d like to take a moment to address it. No, I don’t always share things like this here but this one, my inner guidance wouldn’t let go of. The Supreme Court’s decision stripped away the legal right to have a safe and legal abortion for all Americans by leaving this decision up to the states. Restricting access to comprehensive reproductive care, including abortion, threatens the health and independence of all Americans impacting us, our children and generations to come. This decision could also lead to the loss of other rights. To learn more about what you can do to help, visit podvoices.help you’ll find ways to get involved and other resources there. I encourage you to take care, speak up, and spread the word all from a place of love.
00:2:22
[jingle]
And now for the usual quick reminders:
First, you’ll find time markers in this episode’s full show notes, if you are looking for something specific or would like to hop around.
Reminder #3 If you enjoy this podcast, don’t forget to follow it in your favorite podcast player - or register for a free account in the empty nest success home. You may also join my Thursday Thoughts about email list where I’ll pop in your inbox with a thought and updates on most Thursdays. Those are the best ways to be notified when I release a new episode.
And finally, a special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass. SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. Register today for that free account I mentioned - you’ll find it at EmptyNestSuccess.com - where you may also join the C.E.O. training team, or purchase other premium content.
00:03:30
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My Wish for You Today
My wish for you today is that you are able to see and believe in an exciting future ahead, by allowing yourself permission to become YOU - to see opportunities you might normally miss.
If you are intrigued and want to dive a bit deeper into this topic, I have a short “What if” affirmation and worksheet related to this topic titled (Open Eyes - Empty Nest Success) available for you - see the show notes!
00:04:02
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New Things. New Things. New Things!
I added a membership option in the Empty Nest Success community. I’ll be breaking all future podcast episodes and the back catalogue, as I have time - into segments to make topics easier to find! Become a Your Empty Nest Coach podcast patron for access and a few other goodies including a podcast shout-out are included- join today for only $5/month!
Another new thing is you’ll find the podcast episodes that are parts of a series - curated now also in the Empty Nest Success community. Curated topics include - Empty Nest Syndrome, Empty Nest Prep, The C.E.O. of Your Life concepts, and more!
00:04:46
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My Lessons Learned
Sometimes things get easier the more you embrace them. Have you ever noticed that?
About six months ago, I said to myself, “What if I don’t keep my married last name?” I gave it some thought, and quickly poo-pooed the idea. Yeah, I said poo-poo.
A bit later, it popped in my mind again, at that time, I did a little online research and once I saw how much work is involved and that it could impact my credit score, I stopped considering it again. After all, I thought to myself, “Christine, it has already been a busy year, do we really need to add ANYTHING else into the mix?”
So, I let it go again.
Again, it came up and I couldn’t shake it… by now, though, I began to consider, “Okay, what would I change my name to?” And then it took courage to say what I was thinking out loud to someone - that I’m thinking about completely changing my current last name - I believe my daughter heard it first. Honestly, she was way more supportive than she needed to be but she’s also one of the most practical humans I know and someone who is extremely aware that her mother changing her name isn’t about her it is for her mother. - Yeah, I feel like I should wipe away the tears now.
I still wasn’t ready to commit to the change but began floating the idea a bit more as the weeks progressed. Even mentioned it to some others - who had a bit more push back on the topic - especially since I was planning on going with a brand new last name.
There was a lot of back and forth for me on the topic and then finally one day I woke up and thought, ”Yes, I’m gonna do it. I’m ready to put the finances behind it and do the paper work - ohhhhh the paperwork.
Then the waiting: Who do I tell? Anyone? Everyone? Does anyone want to be there with me at my court hearing? Should I ask anyone? Should I do it alone?
The last time I changed my name, there was a really big ceremony and party. And this time… what do I do?
Whoo. After working through my own thoughts and desires, navigating comfortably (though sometimes not so well) around other people’s reactions, getting fingerprinted, the criminal check, the searches on the name, two counties to go process it all through since I had recently moved, public notices in papers and many phone calls. Way too many phone calls, but the day finally arrives.
I head to my morning appointments to pick up final paperwork. Super easy - and the friendliest of people everywhere. I had a few hours before the hearing, so I treated myself to a lovely meal in one of my favorite lunch spots, I arrived super early and had this moment where I was the only one in this huge stone hallway of the courthouse. Big, wide, sterile feeling - a lot of marble and grey, if you can picture it. The kind where if you walk with heels - you hear the echo for seconds.
No one was there.
And in that moment, it hit me how clear the rest of my path was to get this done. No one was going to oppose the change. No one was ever in my way any more than I allowed them to be. I did this for me but I had to decide it was worth the joyous investment of my time to make this huge - and it is HUGE - change.
There I am: sitting in the hallway, processing all of this - thinking it would make a great episode.
And just as I was thinking about “if I could have anyone here with me, who WOULD it be?” At that moment, I heard the sound of a group of people chatting enter the hallway and head towards me. All to the courtroom I’m assigned to. All name changes. Every single person there with me in that moment understood the impact. Understood the paperwork, the emotions and the change. They were exactly who I needed with me. For an hour or so, we were all family. It was beautiful. All of us were changing our names for different reasons. All of us were nervous, and excited at the same time. We waited together, extended encouragement and celebratory words when the judge agreed to sign the court orders. I cried tears of joy for the others much easier than for me because when it was my turn I was in work mode. But it was amazing, and fantastic and lovely.
Just as you reach a destination in your life, understanding it’s only the beginning of what is next makes it fun.
Two days later I spent the day at the social security office, the DMV, notaries and more. All went so much better than expected. Despite being told by three people that day, that the DMV wasn’t gonna to give me a new license without x, y, and z.
And what is the lesson I learned? I already kind of said it with:
“No one was ever in my way any more than I allowed them to be.”
I’ll adjust that statement to:
No one was ever in my way more than I allowed them to be AND no one was ever in my way more than I was.
And how can we apply this to the empty nest?
Well, we often get in our own way with our thoughts. We spend hours and hours of time “worried and concerned for our kids, for our future, about choices and more” time that we could be focused instead on the things that bring us joy. After all, when is the last time you saw worry and concern, actually fix a problem? Think about it. Worry and concern: they mostly just seem to stir a pot of drama but there are some who do love the drama. If you aren’t one those humans, pay attention to your thoughts and where they are throughout the day - you’ll catch them in the strangest of places.
And when you do catch them, don’t add to the drama by being upset that you had the thought in the first place, or that you spent so much time thinking about it. Instead, try being thankful that you caught the thought before it spiraled. Be thankful that you have the opportunity to change it to a thought that allows you to feel better.
And the more thoughts you change, the clearer your path will become.
It’s all you, after all. You’ve got this and I’m cheering you on!
00:11:52
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Ask Coach Christine
Christine, my kiddo is heading off to college in the fall. I am excited for them. People keep telling me, though, “just you wait - you are going to be a mess.” I’m not seeing it. Should I be concerned?
Simply? Nope.
If you need a little more, here you go: If you feel good right now, stay there! You may feel perfectly fine - even wonderful - through the transition and the empty nest years - or, it might hit you all of the sudden. Either way, your journey is YOUR journey. There is no right or wrong. There is, however, NOW. Now, this moment, this is all you do know for sure, so if you feel good now. Embrace it. Lean into it and let others spin their tales about how you might feel. That is their story to tell but for now, you are exactly where you need to be! Enjoy it!
00:12:57
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What’s in your life’s toolbox?
Your C.E.O. Toolbox is the analogy we use for items and resources that help you get through tough moments, enjoy the amazing moments and then also, do some deeper work, as needed. Today’s recommendation is a fun one and one that would be a top-of-the-toolbox item - it isn’t deeper level work - but it could turn into that, for sure.
What is it? It’ s to sign up for something you wouldn’t normally sign up for - something that maybe you needed to do a double-take when you read it or heard about it, or something that is a bit challenging but also something that you could imagine a version of yourself doing. It could be virtual or in-person. It could be something you pay for or something that’s free. Maybe it’s not an event but it’s reading a genre of book that you wouldn’t normally read. It really can be anything. Something that’s a stretch for you but also do-able.
For some of you, a warning, the goal is NOT to set out to become an expert. The goal is to see if you like it - and also what can you learn about yourself by trying it? Learning what motivates you - and what doesn’t. Learning what you enjoy doing - and what you don’t enjoy doing is incredibly valuable - it’s more information for that toolbox of yours!
I’d love to know what you try!
00:14:27
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What I Wish My Parents Knew
I have a special guest for this segment, LaTrina Rogers, also known as The Dorm Mom on TikTok, where I believe I first connected with her. LaTrina shares with us today what she wishes parent knew. She is the Director of Residential Life at Ranken Technical College in St. Louis, Mo and she’s driven by a passion for student success. LaTrina’s full bio and link to her website will be - you guessed it - in my show notes. Be sure to connect with her and let her know you heard her segment here!
Things I wish parents knew from The Dorm Mom. I wish parents knew that teaching independence has to come with opportunities to be independent. And those opportunities can be done very early, by a student learning to complete an application by student learning to self advocate for resources that they need in school. Those things can be easily taught so that when they get older, for instance, the audience I work with are college students, when a student gets older, and they come to college, that parents should go from leading that student to supporting that student, meaning the students should be completed their own applications for housing, for college, for parking. Over my years in higher education, I have seen countless amounts of parents completing applications for their student. And I strongly encourage the parents to not do that, because it takes away the opportunity for their students to be independent. That student will have to answer questions when that parent goes home. And that student is now matriculating on a college campus. So it's very imperative they learn those little things. And that also gives them confidence in their independence. Allow your students to experience those little bumps of adversity that may come if they miss a deadline, if they don't show up on time, there are consequences to actions. And oftentimes parents tried to remove the consequences. But part of being independent and having freedom is that there's a responsibility to go with it. All of that is taught not just by instruction, but it's solidified by experience. And that independence, as you know, as a parent, as an adult, is beyond joyous especially for someone young and just experiencing it. So remember, take your student, from leading them to supporting them at the proper age, and also encourage independence by giving small opportunities for them to engage in it. You can empower your student to be great in so many things, and on so many levels. That's what I wish parents knew.
00:17:44
Two Questions for You
Question 1: Are you able to identify thoughts that don’t serve you, throughout the day?
and Question 2: Is there something you’ve been wanting to try?
As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.
My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.
If you enjoy this episode please don’t forget to share it with others, it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. Yes, all the goodies, links and resources are in my show notes. I’ll be back next month with a new episode.
Thank you for listening.
Thanks for being you. The world is incredibly lucky to have you here.
YOU ARE AMAZING!
[end music]
00:18:37
[bloopers]
00:19:02
Still Listening?
I am aware that I didn’t tell you my new last name. It isn’t really a secret I just am still syncing everything behind the scenes. I did share the story with C.E.O. Training team members in a behind the scenes video. So, if you’re a member and curious, check out the video. It will be public everywhere soon enough and much of that story feels like it will be in my upcoming book.
Quick Take - Bad Days
More goodies are below, too! Please scroll down 
Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).
More in episode 160 of the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast 
#emptynest #life #emptynestsuccess #inspirationalparenting #parenting 
And finally, a special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass. SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. Register today for that free account I mentioned - you’ll find it at