159: Empty Nest Success When You're Self Conscious about Going Gray, Would You Try a Rage Room and a Giveaway
Podcast episode artwork is of where I recorded much of this episode - in my van!
Hello, my amazing friend.
This episode is packed full of content. Enjoy!π¦
As always, I'm cheering you on!

Coach Christine,
Your Empty Nest Coach




"My wish for you today is that you already understand - or are beginning to uncover - who you are and that you fully grasp and know in your soul that you are here for a reason."
Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.
Empty Nest Success When You're Self Conscious about Going Gray, Would You Try a Rage Room, a Giveaway & More: episode 159 of the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast #emptynest #life #emptynestsuccess #goinggray #naturelessons
This Episode is Brought To You By
Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers
- 00:00 Podcast intro
- 01:14 Quick Reminders
- 02:11 My Wish For You Today - Adjusting to Your Child Heading to College
- 02:59 New Things: Minimalistic Todo List
- 03:57 My Lessons Learned: Finding Who You Are Through The Fog
- 07:31 Ask Coach Christine: I'm Self-Conscious About Going Gray
- 10:26 Christine, Where Are You? PractiMama Podcast & a TikTok Giveaway
- 11:45 Celebrating You and Your Wins - so many! π
- 13:25 What's In Your Life's Toolbox? A Rage Room!
- 14:53 Let's Find the Funny - Going Gray Silliness
- 16:45 What I Wish My Parents Knew - "Just Wait Until You Are Older"
- 18:30 Two Questions For You
- bloopers
- 20:29 Still listening?
Episode Questions For You To Consider
- Are you able to identify thoughts that donβt serve you, throughout the day?
- Have you been to or would you go to a rage room?
First Time Here? Try This Order of Episodes
- The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast Trailer
- Series 1: Empty Nest Prep - starts in episode #3
- Series 2: The C.E.O. of Your Life - starts in episode #64 (Protector is introduced)
- Series 3: The C.E.O. Toolbox - starts at episode #88
Episode Resources
- Last Episode: Empty Nest Success - When The Path Becomes Clear & Guest LaTrina Rogers on What She Wishes Parents of College Students Knew (#158)
- My Wish for You Today: College Student/Parent Episodes | Other Resources
- Christine, Where Are You? The PractiMama Podcast: A Parenting Tip for Being Frustrated with Your Toddler & A TikTok Givewaway
- Celebrating You & Your Wins: TikTok & Instagram
- Join the C.E.O. Training Team (Weekly Power Hours)
- Name Change - Members Behind the Scenes Video
- Community
- What It is Like to Work With Coach Christine
* affiliate link to SupaPass - which powers our community! Should you purchase using the link, I make a commission.




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The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 159
FULL TRANSCRIPT
00:00:00
Christine: Hi, Iβm Coach Christine. This is my podcast, itβs the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and weβre on episode #159. If this isn't your first time listening and you want to skip the introduction portion feel free to tap forward a couple of times. In this podcast, I focus on helping parents who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though, all are welcome here, as Iβm all about coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. Youβll do this by leveling-up
[level-up music]
your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.
I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today.
[up beat music]
00:00:46
This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student whoβs wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. Iβm here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.
00:1:14
Before we dive in - a tiny bit of housekeeping and Iβm going to see how fast I can share these with you -
First, youβll find time markers in this episodeβs full show notes, if you are looking for something specific or would like to hop around.
Second, youβll find a ton of information, resources and more on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com or EmptyNestSuccess.com.
Reminder #3 If you enjoy this podcast, donβt forget to follow it in your favorite podcast player - or register for a free account in the empty nest success home. You may also join my Thursday Thoughts about email list where Iβll pop in your inbox with a thought and updates on most Thursdays. Those are the best ways to be notified when I release a new episode.
And finally, a special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass. SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. Register today for that free account I mentioned - youβll find it at EmptyNestSuccess.com - where you may also support this podcast, join the C.E.O. training team, or purchase other premium content.
00:02:11
[computer game level up music (short)]
My Wish for You Today
If you are in the midst of adjusting to having your kiddo - or children (plural) now living outside of your home - be it temporary or permanent, I want to encourage you to be patient with yourself, feel the emotions, take deep breaths, whatever you experience is yours to experience, and it doesnβt need to be the same as your friendβs experience. Be you and be IN your experience. I have many episodes, resources and videos on the socials about the adjustment. If you are looking for anything in particular, just let me know! And, Iβm cheering you on!
Now, My wish for you today is that you already understand or are beginning to uncover who you are and that you fully grasp and know in your soul that you are here for a reason.
00:02:59
[computer game level up music (short)]
New Things. New Things. New Things!
Iβm a minimalist at heart - if youβve been listening a while, you already know that. And yes, while that applies to the physical things, Iβve been focused over the last month on what do I really have to do today? And the answer is always a lot less than my super long to do list is telling me to do. As I focus on being inspired into creation rather than motivated because I have to do a thing, life has become even more fun - even while finding plumbing leaks, having a new role at my day job, car not starting, and my daughter navigating her chronic illness. Just when I think I know the must-dos for the day, something happens and reframes it all again. And reminds me that I can shorten the list - again - because that list isnβt going anywhere.
00:03:47
[computer game level up music (short)]
My Lessons Learned
[inspirational music plays under this segment]
You may already know how much I love nature, and especially early mornings in nature. My most recent hang out early in the morning is a local park that has a lake. A few weeks ago, there was an incredible amount of fog. So much fog that you could barely see the lake. It made me think about the empty nest transition - whether you are going through it with a partner or solo, it doesnβt matter. There is an adjustment to discovering who you are going forward - almost as if discovering a new identity. For many of us, weβve never really gone past the fog to discover who we are. I thought Iβd share the lesson I gained by looking at the fog that particular day and it was a way to look at the phases of self-discovery.
Phase 1 - we are going through life surrounded by fog - meaning mostly going through the motions: doing what we have to do, what weβve always done, it kind of feels like life, we say we are living, but we are so used to the fog, we arenβt even aware of it. It has become normal. Others may call this sleepwalking through life, or in the matrix, or unconsciously living.
Phase 2: The fog starts to clear - this is when you notice you are IN a fog, that there might be more outside of the fog and you take some careful movements forward. You realize youβve been going through the motions, and you consider: is there more than this? There might be. There might not be. And you begin to ask yourself questions such as βDo I want more than this? Is this who I am? Who am I?β and more.
In Phase 3, you can see a big lake, as you look closer, with a reflection in it - and when seeing the reflection you scan to see where the water creates a line - a border - between land and air, but actually, it is blurring together making it difficult to determine. As with all of these phases, you wiggle a bit back and forth on whether or not you wanna keep on discovering, it is after all, all new and can feel scary and unclear.
Phase 4 is when you walk close enough to see your reflection in the water. You have to be so close to the water to see your reflection. The water is still and you take in the image as if youβve never seen it before. Who is this person? Do I prefer the fog-filled auto-pilot life better? I might.
You keep going and reach phase 5: It dawns on you how unreal that image of you in the water is and you see that you are in a body that houses your thoughts, your emotions, your trauma, your love, your fears, YOU. And while others have been helpful and supportive, or may guide you on this path of self-discovery, the one who has the most to lose and gain is ultimately YOU. Imagine picking up a smooth stone, and tossing it into the water - rippling away your reflection.
You take a deep breath and another and you feel how your body exists in the world - how your feet touch the ground, how you stand in your physicality. You turn away from the fog and lake and know that while you arenβt sure who you are going to find, you canβt wait to be more of YOU and less of what the world has told you you need to be - as a child, as a parent, as a co-worker, as a friend. You feel empowered, scared, peaceful, excited, thrilled all at once but you know you have felt your connection to your inner self - for just a moment, maybe, and you want more than that. Ultimately, you know the you of ten years from now is who you are honoring by continuing the discovery. After all, you and them, youβre both amazing!
00:07:31
[computer game level up music (short)]
Ask Coach Christine
Christine, do you have a way to be less self-conscious about my appearance as I grow out my gray, or grow my gray hair out? Whatβs the proper way to say that?
This was a specific question asked during one of our C.E.O. Training Team (to Empty Nest Success) Power Hours - we do those weekly on Mondays. I asked when the self-consciousness appeared for this person and there was a very specific example of being out the grocery store - someone seeing them with their hair growing out and the thoughts coming in.
And here are a few things to keep in mind.
First, the thoughts that are causing your self-consciousness about your hair are your thoughts. Ouch, right? Because unless you have some magical power that allows you to dive into their mind, you are only guessing what they are thinking. More than likely this happens in a split second and you may feel your body tense or stomach feel off before you even notice that your thoughts have gone to how embarrassed you are about your hair (and yes, you can apply this to anything - not just your hair).
Second, the moment you are able to notice your concern of what someone else thinks about you, you have made a step forward. Celebrate this! You have begun to make progress because now you have the opportunity to do one of a few things: a) change the thought you are having b) stop it completely by thinking about something else, or c) keep thinking about it over and over, and over, and over,and over, and over, and over again.
The third thing to keep in mind is if you notice something youβd like to create less resistance in your life for you, such as this, do some thought-work around it when youβre not out in public. There is this part of you that probably doesnβt love the way your hair looks. If you did, you wouldnβt care what anyone else thought. It would be like someone saying they really hate the dress that youβre wearing, and meanwhile youβre in a pantsuit.
Youβre not there in your head, so it doesnβt bother you. Youβre like, βerr, theyβre crazy, I donβt know what theyβre thinking about.
Thatβs where we want you to get with your gray hair.
Ultimately, this though-processing is yours to do but it is fun to play with what-if statements so letβs try that:
What if me growing out my gray hair represents me discovering who I am? What if I donβt care what anyone thinks about it? What future-me loves the results and is patiently waiting for the hair to grow? What if I find I donβt love it in the end and decide to color it again? What would I make that mean and what if I donβt make it mean anything other than I allowed myself this time of growth to be one that I tried something new? What if I love the results? What if I love the growing out process? What if I have fun with this? What if this process is one of peace and joy? What if?
So, those are some serious thoughts about it but we also then had an incredible amount of fun with it and Iβm going to share that portion of my answer in the Find the Funny segment of this podcast episode.
00:10:26
[quirky music under segment]
Christine? Christine? Christine, where are you?
I was supposed to mention this ages ago but I believe I may have left it out of prior episodes, so better late than never! Youβll find me as a guest on the PractiMama Parenting podcast that was recorded also, ages ago, before my daughter had graduated from college, before my divorce, before my last name change - before the pandemic even. The PractiMama podcast, hosted by Lee Uehara is focused on mothers with younger children and I do love chatting to moms with younger children! The title of her episode is A Parenting Tip for Being Frustrated with Your Toddler - link will be in the show notes and the entire episode is under five minutes in length!
Also if you are listening to this episode within a week of its release, I have a giveaway currently going on, on TikTok to celebrate passing 10,000 followers. Itβs hard to believe that many people have watched and decided to follow me at some point or the other. So, thank you if thatβs you, or if thatβs going to be you, I appreciate all of you: listeners of my podcast, followers on social media, and more. Look for the video that says Enter Now in the thumbnail to enter - Iβll be hiding that video once the giveaway ends. Good Luck!
00:11:45
[computer game level up music (short)]
Celebrating you and your wins
Well, we have so much to celebrate this month from everyone. Super exciting!
Starting with TikTok shares, here we go:
HotFlashesAndCoolTopics: heading to 4th tennis clinic this week!
Bonnie Business Coach Frank: I took two weeks off work because my body was telling me that I needed a break. Entrepreneurs tend to be bad at self care and donβt stop working. I can vouch for that!
Katie Robinson: I overcame a mental block and successfully did a flying sidekick over a stack of 4 targets in taekwondo for the first time in ages! For the past month every time I saw more than two targets stacked I would lose confidence and stutter-step instead of jumping over them, but no more!
Eyyy Its Tafen says im going back home in two day for a visit, ive been away for over a month now for college and i miss them
Yaggi Toshinori: I've been working on a drawing and I've improved much more than I thought I could!
Popping over to Instagram we have:
Okkilume: i finally made a decision to move where i truly want to live and quit my toxic workplace i'm still scared, but we're getting somewhere
Boneheaded_Alien says Iβve been consistently waking up before noon!
Skittelson135 says: i got the trash out on time!
Mannaquinskywalker06 : Iβm closer to getting my permit than ever before
[cheers]
I had so much fun gathering all of these together, reading them again and thinking of you all - thanks for sharing your wins with us.
If you want your win included next time, be sure to follow me on Instagram or TikTok and comment on the next Wednesday Win video that I post - be sure to add a microphone emoji so I know I have your permission to share your win with my listeners. Wins big and small we celebrate them all. I canβt wait to cheer you on!
00:13:25
[computer game level up music (short)]
Whatβs in your lifeβs toolbox?
Your C.E.O. Toolbox is the analogy we use here for items and resources that help you get through tough moments, enjoy the amazing moments and then also, do some deeper work, as needed. Your C.E.O. Toolbox is yours. It should have things that work for you, and you should take inventory from time to time, because sometimes the things that worked well for you two years ago arenβt doing it for you any longer. Todayβs recommendation is a fun one if you have one near you.
What is it? Now, I havenβt done this one myself but one of my clients did and absolutely LOVED it. Itβs the idea of a destruction room or rage room. While she didnβt go to a destruction room or rage room, she mimicked it in her house, in a way. I might have their particulars off a bit but I seem to remember mention of boxing gloves, loud music, a pillow or two to hit and a lot of yelling. The result felt so good for them that they shared it with us and said, βmaybe I should find a rage room? βNow, they were alone, yelled a lot, and was completely safe - had planned it out, if you are curious.
I looked at her and said, βthis is a toolbox item for you,β and quite honestly now Iβm curious about trying this.
So, my listener, I ask you today, have you ever been to a rage room, or given yourself the space to consciously destroy something in an effort to allow your body to release whatever it is holding on to?
00:14:53
Letβs find the funny!
[giggles from others]
I did promise you the funny version of our gray hair grow out conversation and that was when I asked them what they thought the other person was thinking, they shared. And, I said, βso to be clear, you think that this person who probably is in Wal-mart or CVS or wherever you are isnβt thinking about the 400 things in their life but theyβre really thinking something likeββ¦
What is going on with her hair? She is really letting herself go. How could she leave the house like that and be seen in public? Doesnβt she know what hair dye is? I think this store needs to make an announcement. [noise] excuse us shoppers but we have an important announcement to make: we have a shopper who has decided to leave her house, drive here, and shop in the midst of βgoing grayβ Sheβs in aisle 14 and we think you all should head over there to take a good, long, look. Be sure to make a face, to tell her it isnβt becoming and that she should go home. Thank you and have a nice day.
So, at this point we are giggling a bit but then we add⦠what we think is really on in their heads.
I donβt know what my wife meant by this on the list. What is the smell in this aisle. Oh, they changed the box color and Iβm not sure which item is the one I usually buy now. I canβt believe I lost my phone today! Do I have the money to buy this? [sigh] Iβm so exhausted. Oh,I just want to go home and sleep. Paper. Paper. Oh, canβt my children just stay close to the cart so I donβt have to worry about them getting trampled by other carts?Paper, paper, paper, all I need is paper. Donβt look at the other things. Paper, I need paper. Yes, there it is. Woo hoo! Iβm outta hereβ¦.
This all started from the mention of going gray and we end up belly laughing over the store announcements and what everyoneβs thinking. So, I hope that next time you catch that pit in your stomach or tension over what someone else may be thinking of you, that you remember more than likely theyβre dealing with their own stuff.
00:16:45
[computer game level up music (short)]
What I Wish My Parents Knew
There is something that parents and grandparents say often - Iβve caught myself saying this - and Iβve heard multiple people complain about the impact of it. Iβve been on the receiving end of it, too.The statement is βjust wait until you are older.β
The statement sometimes is around good things. Other times, itβs around things such as how great the younger generation has it now.
And what Iβve heard from the younger-set is that - and that Iβve experienced - is that it isnβt a super supportive statement. It has made me consider other things I can say when I start to want to say this - when I hear the words forming in my mindβ¦
Rather than saying βjust wait until you are older, β How aboutβ¦
- I prefer honesty. So Iβd probably lean toward, βYou know I was going to say, βjust wait until you are older, but I realize that isnβt super helpful.β - and then wait, see what comes out of it.
or
- That sounds frustrating (or exciting) is that how it feels?
or
- I remember feeling something like that in my life. Iβm happy to share that if you think it is helpful, otherwise, Iβm also happy to be a place for you to process your experience.
Or how about
- If itβs more serious - βThat sounds serious. May I help in any way? Iβm finding myself wanting to jump in and help.β
Those are some ideas.
Obviously, you can keep saying βJust wait until you are older,β you do you after all. Itβs easy to fall into the trap to think you know how something is going to play out for someone but ultimately, we arenβt them. So removing some assumptions - no matter how well we know them - might be an interesting thing to try. As always, have fun with it!
00:18:30
Two Questions for You
Question 1: Are you able to identify thoughts that donβt serve you, throughout the day?
and Question 2: Have you been to or would you go to a rage room?
As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.
My HOPE is that Iβm able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.
If you enjoy this episode please donβt forget to share it with others, itβs the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. Yes, all the goodies, links and resources are in my show notes. Iβll be back next month with a new episode.
My empty nest or future-empty nest friend, have some fun. Take some deep breaths, take some walks, and feel your inner you within your body - you might learn something and of course, remember that YOU ARE AMAZING!
[end music]
00:19:28
[bloopers]
00:20:29
Still Listening?
My new last name? It is now Oakfield. I am Christine Oakfield. I love it and am starting to get used to using it. Thanks for all the messages about my name change which I spoke about in my last episode.
[end music]
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