Category: College Parents

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

More goodies below, too! Scroll down , so you don't miss anything!  

The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 157

FULL TRANSCRIPT

0:00

Hi, I'm Coach Christine. This is my podcast. It's the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast and we're on episode 157. Tap 30 seconds ahead if this isn't your first time listening and want to skip this introduction portion. In this podcast I focus on helping mothers who are freaking out about the Empty Nest ahead. We'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries though, all are welcome here as I'm all about coaching you to become the C.E.O. of your life. And in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious, Effective Olympian. You'll do this by leveling up

[level-up music]

your life in small increments. Those small wins add up to big changes. I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. Here we go.

[up beat music]

This podcast is my gift to you, a parent adjusting to the idea of an Empty Nest, or possibly a student who's wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on. And maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time, I'm here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.

1:06

Some quick reminders, you'll find a ton of information, resources, and more on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com. If you enjoy this podcast, don't forget to follow it in your favorite podcast player or register for a free account in the Empty Nest Success home. Those are the best ways to be notified when I release a new episode. A special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass!  SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. If you like to jump around in an episode look for the time markers found in the show notes or within the show transcript.

01:55

[computer game level up music (short)]

My wish for you today.

My wish for you today is that you are able to release blockages that you weren't even aware are there for you. May you be able to become present enough to notice and recognize emotions going on within you. And to begin to look at them as signposts - as information for you on how to move forward. May this come easy for you in your daily search for being ever present.

[computer game level up music (short)]

02:28
New things, new things, new things.

If you've been listening to this podcast for a while, you'll notice that from the beginning where I started to hear I have tried a lot of different things along the way groups, not groups coaching, small group coaching. Over the years, quite often those changes were led by outsiders telling me this is how I'm supposed to do something and silly me went along with the ride, one of the things I'm really leaning into is to be inspired versus motivated in the areas of my life where I can do so there are things I have to do. And then there are things that I'm inspired to do. And I believe 400% If that's possible that everything I do with this podcast, and my coaching needs to be from an inspired place because that way you're going to know if we're really good fit and vice versa. My most recent change came organically out of C.E.O. training team sessions.

Weekly, I post affirmation videos in nature in the Empty Nest Success community. The question I usually ask people is is there resistance to the statement there? and then we talk about their emotions that are around it, those types of things. And over the past month, I've really leaned into the fact that the emotions that you're feeling are way more important than we're giving credit to that I have given credit to them in the past. So, after a few sessions of this, I really got to thinking that I need to change these. I don't want somebody to come in and feel that resistance and be like I'm not any of that. That's where we want to get you to but you don't have to be there today. And I'm here to cheer you along as you grow to believe that. 

[bells]

So my first new thing that I want to share with you today is that as of July I am changing the way I present those they are all now going to have me reading the audio as, "What if?"  What if I believed I'm amazing? What if I could do anything I wanted. And I've created a printable document that you can utilize to process through it; think about on your own time; what works for you and there, what statements provide a lot of resistance and what emotions come up and how would you change it so that you believe all of it in a joyous, wonderful way.

[bells]

The second change I have to share with you today is one that I want to offer with an apology. Hear me out I have always said it takes a lot of work to figure out who you are. And I'm not disagreeing with that statement. But what I'd like to change and make my new thing going forward is to remove the word work from it, and change it into something else. And here's what I'm going to change it to

[bells] joyous investment in my evolution, that feels way better. That works for me. So here's the code. When I say joyous investment - peaceful investment - this is an investment... know going forward that that is my wording for work. Because work feels like drudgery. It's work. And yes, it doesn't change the action of what it does. But it changes my emotion in how I move forward. And hopefully, that comes through to you. And you can utilize it. Or, you can find your own words that work. Big fan of that here. So I apologize for using "work" so often in the past, it's going to take me time to clear that out from my content and resources. And, I may slip up here and there. So don't be shy on calling me out on that. Because I need to adjust that for all of us. What are your thoughts about that?

06:15 

Let me give a bonus new thing. And that is

[bells] ... that my plan for the rest of this year. And that can change because I do that all the time is that I will have one podcast episode out per month. That is plenty of time for me to be inspired to bring you amazing content. Great content and inspired content is my goal to deliver to you should I have a month where I feel inspired to do one or two extra episodes, I will do that.

06:47

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Lessons Learned

My lessons learned for this episode, I want to talk about a vehicle analogy that I recently heard from Abraham Hicks - who knows when this was said by Abraham Hicks, there are tons of YouTube videos that are on YouTube, of things that come from Abraham Hicks. And this analogy really resonated with me. So I want to share it with you and share where my mind went after hearing it. It was one of those things that I would find myself thinking about when I'm walking or sitting down and showering and all these extra pieces were coming into play in and just made so much sense to me. So I share that with you today. The analogy starts with imagine that when you're born, you are purely you 100% pure you  -you no other influence, that being in that moment knows exactly who they are. I like to have fun with it, so, I imagine like a beam of light is your soul. Like here's Christine's soul, it's there fully. However, immediately that beautiful soul who knows exactly who they are, before they can talk and remember things, they are placed into a vehicle. This is analogy again, remember, and this vehicle belongs to your parents or guardians. This vehicle has certain rules, it has certain level of protection to it or non protection to it. It maybe has power doors, like whatever analogy comes up for you that you can associate to your parents or guardians vehicle. And while that vehicle may not have been perfect, it got you to another stage in life, where you can see you're ready to upgrade. Or, maybe you just need to get into another vehicle for say going to school, or clubs. Eventually, workplace, you have friend groups, these are all different vehicles. And in each vehicle, there are different rules that you learn to follow. And you pop in and out of those.

08:45

Some of the vehicles may not ride well. They might have been tough. You pop in and out throughout your life. And remember, while you were this beautiful pure soul in the beginning, you've been in all these vehicles and that is all you remember. So those vehicles have created who you think you are. There comes a day, whether it's when you find this podcast, you find another coach or leader or teacher or on your own that you think, "I don't think I'm who I am."  This is a lot of the work I end up doing with my clients is getting them to trust themselves that there is a pure you that existed once before. And it makes sense that you have absolutely no idea who that is because you've never been allowed to get out of other people's vehicles. What I'd like to say today is trust, try trusting what if you have your own vehicle out there? Sure, you're going to have no idea what it is. If you've only been in other people's vehicles, each vehicle more than likely has a little different set of rules. So when you see one you're going to upgrade. Oh, I'm going to get that one that has power doors. Let me grab that one now. That's exciting. This could be anything for you. It could be a church home, your parents, your friendships, separate friendships are probably different vehicles for you. One of the important parts about this analogy, if it resonates with you, is that while a vehicle may not have been perfect, it may not be your end result. Because let's be real, we're all continually working on figuring out who we are and becoming a new person every day. One of the things I got out of this analogy that I was immediately able to apply to my marriage that just ended was while it wasn't perfect, and while I now have to figure out my own rules versus the rules that we had in that vehicle, is that we had some really good road trips in that vehicle, that vehicle got me to where I am today, that vehicle allows my daughter to exist, that vehicle has been a lot of fun over the years, it was just time for my husband and I to have different vehicles. When I shared this analogy with the C.E.O. Training Team, I got a bunch of different comments resonated really, really well. And everyone had a little bit of a spin on it. The one that was my absolute favorite. Hi there, if you remember who you are, is that I said, "Now it makes sense that we we get to this point where we have absolutely no idea who we are, who that person was in the beginning, how would we know we've never even considered that that exists. So of course, it's scary. A lot of times, it's super easy to just want to get back into some one of these other vehicles, even though it's not where you're meant to be, even though it doesn't serve you any longer, it feels super comfortable. Because you know, the rules there. You know how it works, you know that there's a I don't know, there's a gum wrapper there and nobody picks it up. But you're, you know, it's just become part of the vehicle now. So to take the action to get to any point of your life, whether you are 10,15, 18,19 ,40, 69,80, 110. Yes, people live that long. It is scary to realize that maybe you have no idea who you are. And the fun thing that this person said was yes, it's almost as if you get out of the vehicle. And you've realized you haven't packed your underwear. And then it just kept going or like yes, it's like you're you're getting out of the vehicle. And it's a four lane highway and the other vehicle is sitting there looking at you and you want to just jump back in, because that feels safe. And even though there isn't a lot of traffic on this highway, you're not sure you want to explore and figure out which vehicles best. And it also may feel like you're naked on the highway, because that's how it feels it can be that intimidating. But also, when you take that time to make the

[bells] investment in discovering who you are. Wow, it gets good. Because maybe now you get the power windows and you get the moonroof, or you get the convertible you've always wanted. And again, this is all analogy. It can be whatever you want, it can be who you are. And what if that whole time that you've been in all these other vehicles that discontent that you don't belong there is actually yourself telling you yes, that's that's actually right to this isn't exactly where you belong, not in this form, because you haven't figured out your own vehicle. How's that resonate? And a final reminder that those vehicles that got you to where you are today, those are important because that got you to where you are today. And today is a new day you get to move forward and appreciate the vehicles that got you here. While you discover the one you belong in.

13:50 

[computer game level up music (short)]

Ask Coach Christine

Christine, I'm having a lot of trouble prioritizing myself, what do I do? The first thing is when we take a look at the analogy I just talked about, we can realize that we have our own vehicles, but we need to discover them. To do that you need time for yourself. You need to explore different things you need to consider different things. Go with your joy, be able to clear your thoughts out and discover who you are and to trust your internal gut, your emotions, trust your feelings. I want to say that you are worth the investment to the [bells] joyous investment of the time to allow yourself to discover that I was asked about this so many times that I did a workshop on the topic (Empty Nest: Prioritizing Self). It's available to all C.E.O. Training Team members, but I want to give you the high level tips. This is more of a practical workshop.

Step one. [bells] It always starts with our thoughts. Of course just like everything here so often it resides in what we are thinking about ourselves if we are worth the time to prioritize ourselves if we're worth it, and I want to tell you you are, but you need to check your thoughts about that and make sure that you believe that I have so many episodes about that.

Second [bells] mental clutter, when we clear the thoughts when we're able to discover the thoughts that we have. And then we're able to clear them about all other topics, so many things, you gain time in your life, sometimes we immediately think we just need to clear our schedule, and everyone needs to walk around us. And yeah, sometimes that is the case. But also, sometimes we spend two hours thinking about something that is really none of our business, or worrying about something in the future, or rehashing something that happened in the past, when if we learn to catch ourselves in those moments, and to readjust into the present, you may find you gain hours a day, it's powerful. Third, start small. [bells]And by this I mean time, you don't have to clear a whole day. If you haven't given yourself time for things before, start with five minutes, start with 10 minutes, start with whatever that number is for you. That feels completely doable. And then add on. Fourth, [bells]find the fun, this may sound strange, but hear me out. When you start to actively look for fun in your life. It brings an emotion within your body that has you then looking for more fun, wanting more of that feeling. And that is a really fun place to be to motivate you to inspire you. Let's say inspire not motivated. To clear your calendar for yourself because you want more of that. And if you don't know what that is what you want to do with that time right now. It's okay, just start making the time even if it's five minutes and look for the fun. Number five [bells], notice and take inventory inventory of what okay, I'm not talking about the toolbox. In this episode, I'm actually talking about your life, all the things people, places, events, people, places, people, pets, people, things you do on the computer, people, Netflix, people? Did I say people? [giggles]

17:14
I feel like somebody needs to hear that. So there you go, people take inventory. And I don't mean necessarily a whole checkbox inventory list. But begin to notice who makes you feel amazing. Who inspires you, who has your back? When you say I think I need 15 minutes today; I could really use a day to myself, what are the reactions,? who is supporting you? it might surprise you. And begin to notice that and these are people you don't have to be around, maybe start limiting your time and freeing up your time that way. It's like a two for one.  Six [bells] Remember that less is more. And what I mean is not only in the time that you set aside for yourself, but also in what you want to do with that time. Sometimes our thing is so big like I want to go back to college, that there is never any action taken because it's such a huge thing. So the excuse to not make time for yourself is there because of the things so big, maybe consider a smaller thing, such as five minutes of reading, two hours of reading, picking up knitting, walking outside for five minutes. These are just examples. Maybe consider doing a small thing for yourself.

Now for some practical things to try with all of those. Patience. [bells] Remember, please be patient with yourself. This should be a joyous investment in you and be patient with yourself because this more than likely is a big change not only for you, but the people around you. So be patient with them because you, up till now, have conditioned them to expect you to behave in a different way. They might need a bit of a heads up. Here's a thought you can use. [bells] I am exactly where I need to be to move forward. Here's another thought [bells] that took exactly the time it needed. You can fight me on that one. Go ahead. But what's it get you? It took the time it needed. Whether it did or didn't if you sit there go wow, that shouldn't have taken two hours. I need three more days for that. Yeah, it took exactly the time it needed. You've got this, I believe in you. You can handle it next time you get back to it. One of the best things I've done over the last year is to [bells] schedule morning time for myself on my calendar. That is Christine time. I started with 30 minutes every morning. I didn't do it every day. When I did I was very happy. I also, for me, didn't plan to do anything in that 30 minutes. It was time for me to do whatever I felt inspired to do in that moment: total game changer. Now, I thrive really well on about an hour of that and I set aside a few hours every weekend just for that, and I get to do whatever I want to do that day. So put some time for yourself on the calendar, even if it's a small amount of time, honor it, you honor it, notice what or who causes you not to honor it.

20:16

Another tip [bells]: study hall time, I like to use this as a block of time on my calendar to be the catch all for the things that I didn't get done throughout the week. Do I get everything done? No, I don't, usually, I have ADHD, I jumped from things all the time. I like to use the study hall time to catch some of the things that are really important for me to get done that are half finished. So that was a lot of things and ideas. I have a couple others that I mentioned in my workshop, including a superpower up. But my wish is that maybe you're thinking about something a little bit differently, or you just needed to hear it again, I want to tell you, my beautiful, amazing friend, that any discomfort that comes up through conversations to make this happen for you, for you to allow yourself to have this time, you are so worth the incredible investment to become who you are. We are working on your evolution of becoming you. It's not going to end tomorrow, it's going to keep going. But first, you need to understand that you are worth that investment. You're worth the time. You are!

21:36

Christine, Christine, Christine, where are you?

[quirky music under segment]

While I may not be in your podcast player every week right now, you can find me most weeks active on TikTok, or Instagram. But the people who see me the most outside of my friends and family are my C.E.O. Training Team members. And, actually, I see them more than some of my family members. So, "Hi, all!"  We meet every Monday and most of the inspirational content that I'm -I mean that in I'm inspired to create content - is for them. First and foremost. They're who I'm thinking about they are the ones that I create for so where I am, most of the time is there. I'm also spending time off in nature and doing different types of activities that help me to invest in the evolution of Coach Christine.

22:25

[computer game level up music (short)]

Celebrating you and your wins. 

I'm going to pop over to the social media accounts right now. That's at Empty Nest coach and see if we have any wins to share my moment. All right, I've checked the LinkedIn. I just posted that an hour ago, so I really wasn't expecting anything. Instagram, Facebook. I don't do much there. TikTok Oo, we've got a microphone emoji on TikTok. Here we go. Hot Flashes and Cool Topics. My friends, Bridget and Colleen. Hi! Have you checked out their podcast? Because Holy cow. They're amazing. I think I know which one of you posted this but I'm not 100%? Sure. So I won't say but the win is: "my daughter really headed back to her home today. And I didn't cry." I'm so excited for you. I know that this is a big win and the amount of thought work that needs to happen and the growth into our new stage of life that needs to happen to get to a point where this is okay for a lot of people is huge, so well done. [crowd cheers] I'm gonna say my win is that I am sitting down and recording this episode. I say that a lot. But I'm super proud of it. And I have so much fun when I do it. I adore all of you.

23:42

[music & toolbox opening sound]

What's in your life's toolbox?

I've got another game changer to share with you. So, really take a moment to listen to this. Because if it's half as valuable to you, as it's been to me over the last month, it may change your life in a lot of different ways. In the beginning of this episode, I talked a bit about emotions and being able to tune into them and use them as guidance. I've been actively working to be present in an emotion of joy as much as possible. When I find my thoughts. Yes, I'm human. This happens all the time. I'm not always happy. Somebody said something about that. And I'm like, no, no, I'm not always happy. I try to be peaceful most of the time. But I am a human being. And sometimes, it takes me time to be there be present in that moment. And when I find moments that I am completely not present or there's an emotion that I realize I don't need to keep because the thoughts that I'm having aren't worth it. Rather than changing my thoughts. I have been leaning into trying to change that emotion first. And the tool I've been using is each day I choose five things that bring me complete joy, complete joy. I'd like to say five things that work always and I'm kind of leaning towards forest animals, because they do bring me quite a lot of joy, I come up with five things. And when I think of them, they are absolutely amazing. And for the people close to me, I'm starting to narrow down moments like the way they laugh at a certain joke or something. And that just brings me so much joy. So find five things that when you think of, oh, it just feels so good. And when you catch yourself throughout the day, the weeks, moments, in that emotion that you want to change and the thoughts - you're having trouble changing the thoughts- take your fingers on one hand, and touch your thumb to each one: 1,2,3,4. And then just go back. So you have five. And for each time you've touched a finger, think of one of those five things and go through that all five, just keep going until you can feel the joy inside of you and see what happens.

25:55

[music and laughter]

Let's find the funny 

I'm putting this in the show notes. SNL is old enough long term boyfriends. If you've seen the skit, you'll know immediately what I'm talking about. If you haven't, the link is in the show notes. Enjoy it, it is funny. 

[music and laughter]

26:09

What I wish my parents knew

I got a comment on TikTok mentioning that a student had returned home. And there was this immediate assumption that all the chores that they had when they left just went right into place. I think I interpreted that correctly. And this goes back to advice that I talk about for every single break vacation and time that you come back together to live under one roof as a family. And that is to have conversations about this ahead of time. Sure, as parents, we may expect them to come in and fill into their roles. But remember, they've been living independently somewhere else. And they may not be on the same plan anymore. I encourage you to have conversations as adults, because you may find that they're willing to do more than you thought in different ways. And just because it's not the way it used to be doesn't mean it's wrong. So I leave it as have some conversations.

27:10 [upbeat music]

[(Empty Nest News?)]

Should I make this a regular segment? I have a Google search on I think it's for Empty Nest coach, I probably have Empty Nest as well. But if you like the idea of this section, let me know. One that popped up recently was I like the title. I don't have access to it. So I can't tell you too much about what it says. But let's talk about the title real quick: Empty Nesters aren't saving for retirement like they promised. That's a problem. I gotta be honest, I just went through a divorce. So, saving for retirement is kind of on hold at the moment while I get myself back together. I can think of so many reasons why this happens that I read this title and I'm like, Yeah, cuz life. What are your thoughts? Have you read the article? Should we talk about stuff like this? Although, but I'll be honest, most of the news is usually about someone famous going into the Empty Nest years. And yes, that could be fun too.

28:08

Two questions for you. 

Question number one, Whose vehicle are you currently riding in?

And question number two, how good are you at making yourself a priority?

Well, in here we are at the end. As always, I provide content to make you think my Empty Nest friend, my hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. I'll be back in July and I'm planning that after a pretty big personal event happens. So I'll share that with you at that time. If you enjoy this podcast, don't forget to share it with others it is the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. Don't forget to follow it to and I leave you with no matter what vehicle you're currently riding in in this moment. analogy or not... You are amazing. Chat next time.

[bloopers]

Me getting used to recording in this new home is taking some effort. There's a bird, you need to explore different things you need to consider....see it agrees numbers six are we on six I think good ending.

29:22

Still listening? I turned 51 This month, and I also had an opportunity to become part of Rachel Pedersen's TikTok internship program. I got accepted. I'm on week three out of four. So, by the time this goes live, I'll be in the final stage. It's kind of fun to say, "I'm an intern at age 51." When you begin to throw yourself out to different experiences, you never know what's going to happen. As always, I am cheering you on!

[end music]

[end]