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159: Empty Nest Success When You’re Self Conscious about Going Gray, Would You Try a Rage Room and a Giveaway 💚

159: Empty Nest Success When You're Self Conscious about Going Gray, Would You Try a Rage Room and a Giveaway 💚

Podcast episode artwork is of where I recorded much of this episode - in my van!

Hello, my amazing friend. 👋

This episode is packed full of content. Enjoy!📦

As always, I'm cheering you on! 🎉

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"My wish for you today is that you already understand - or are beginning to uncover - who you are and that you fully grasp and know in your soul that you are here for a reason."

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

🔽 More goodies below, too! Scroll down 🔽 , so you don't miss anything! 🔽 🔽 🔽 

Empty Nest Success When You're Self Conscious about Going Gray, Would You Try a Rage Room, a Giveaway & More: episode 159 of the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast  #emptynest #life #emptynestsuccess #goinggray #naturelessons

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This Episode is Brought To You By

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:00 Podcast intro
  • 01:14  Quick Reminders
  • 02:11  My Wish For You Today - Adjusting to Your Child Heading to College 
  • 02:59  New Things: Minimalistic Todo List
  • 03:57  My Lessons Learned: Finding Who You Are Through The Fog
  • 07:31  Ask Coach Christine: I'm Self-Conscious About Going Gray
  • 10:26  Christine, Where Are You? PractiMama Podcast & a TikTok Giveaway
  • 11:45  Celebrating You and Your Wins - so many! 🎉
  • 13:25  What's In Your Life's Toolbox? A Rage Room! 
  • 14:53  Let's Find the Funny - Going Gray Silliness
  • 16:45  What I Wish My Parents Knew - "Just Wait Until You Are Older"
  • 18:30  Two Questions For You
  • bloopers 😆
  • 20:29 Still listening? 

Episode Questions For You To Consider

  1. Are you able to identify thoughts that don’t serve you, throughout the day?
  2. Have you been to or would you go to a rage room?

💚Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

First Time Here? Try This Order of Episodes

Episode Resources

* affiliate link to SupaPass - which powers our community! Should you purchase using the link, I make a commission.

You are preparing for the empty nest ahead as your child(ren) prepares, heads off to, and experiences college (or not college) and life.

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Want to get notified of new episodes directly on your phone? Subscribe to this podcast using your favorite app!

Yes! Show Me My Options

The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 159

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #159. If this isn't your first time listening and you want to skip the introduction portion feel free to tap forward a couple of times. In this podcast, I focus on helping parents who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though, all are welcome here, as I’m all about coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up

[level-up music]

your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.

I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. 

[up beat music]

00:00:46

This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.

00:1:14

Before we dive in - a tiny bit of housekeeping and I’m going to see how fast I can share these with you -

First, you’ll find time markers in this episode’s full show notes, if you are looking for something specific or would like to hop around.

Second, you’ll find a ton of information, resources and more on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com or EmptyNestSuccess.com.

Reminder #3 If you enjoy this podcast, don’t forget to follow it in your favorite podcast player - or register for a free account in the empty nest success home. You may also join my Thursday Thoughts about email list where I’ll pop in your inbox with a thought and updates on most Thursdays. Those are the best ways to be notified when I release a new episode.

➡️And finally, a special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass. SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. Register today for that free account I mentioned - you’ll find it at EmptyNestSuccess.com - where you may also support this podcast, join the C.E.O. training team, or purchase other premium content.

00:02:11

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Wish for You Today

If you are in the midst of adjusting to having your kiddo - or children (plural) now living outside of your home - be it temporary or permanent, I want to encourage you to be patient with yourself, feel the emotions, take deep breaths, whatever you experience is yours to experience,  and it doesn’t need to be the same as your friend’s experience. Be you and be IN your experience. I have many episodes, resources and videos on the socials about the adjustment. If you are looking for anything in particular, just let me know! And, I’m cheering you on!

Now, My wish for you today is that you already understand or are beginning to uncover who you are and that you fully grasp and know in your soul that you are here for a reason.

00:02:59

[computer game level up music (short)]

New Things. New Things. New Things!

I’m a minimalist at heart - if you’ve been listening a while, you already know that. And yes, while that applies to the physical things, I’ve been focused over the last month on what do I really have to do today? And the answer is always a lot less than my super long to do list is telling me to do. As I focus on being inspired into creation rather than motivated because I have to do a thing, life has become even more fun - even while finding plumbing leaks, having a new role at my day job, car not starting, and my daughter navigating her chronic illness. Just when I think I know the must-dos for the day, something happens and reframes it all again. And reminds me that I can shorten the list - again - because that list isn’t going anywhere.

00:03:47

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Lessons Learned

[inspirational music plays under this segment]

You may already know how much I love nature, and especially early mornings in nature. My most recent hang out early in the morning is a local park that has a lake. A few weeks ago, there was an incredible amount of fog. So much fog that you could barely see the lake. It made me think about the empty nest transition - whether you are going through it with a partner or solo, it doesn’t matter. There is an adjustment to discovering who you are going forward - almost as if discovering a new identity. For many of us, we’ve never really gone past the fog to discover who we are. I thought I’d share the lesson I gained by looking at the fog that particular day and it was a way to look at the phases of self-discovery. 

Phase 1 - we are going through life surrounded by fog - meaning mostly going through the motions: doing what we have to do, what we’ve always done, it kind of feels like life, we say we are living, but we are so used to the fog, we aren’t even aware of it. It has become normal. Others may call this sleepwalking through life, or in the matrix, or unconsciously living.

Phase 2: The fog starts to clear  - this is when you notice you are IN a fog, that there might be more outside of the fog and you take some careful movements forward. You realize you’ve been going through the motions, and you consider: is there more than this? There might be. There might not be. And you begin to ask yourself questions such as “Do I want more than this? Is this who I am? Who am I?” and more. 

In Phase 3,  you can see a big lake, as you look closer, with a reflection in it - and when seeing the reflection you scan to see where the water creates a line - a border - between land and air, but actually, it is blurring together making it difficult to determine. As with all of these phases, you wiggle a bit back and forth on whether or not you wanna keep on discovering, it is after all, all new and can feel scary and unclear. 

Phase 4 is when you walk close enough to see your reflection in the water. You have to be so close to the water to see your reflection. The water is still and you take in the image as if you’ve never seen it before. Who is this person? Do I prefer the fog-filled auto-pilot life better? I might.

You keep going and reach phase 5: It dawns on you how unreal that image of you in the water is and you see that you are in a body that houses your thoughts, your emotions, your trauma, your love, your fears, YOU. And while others have been helpful and supportive, or may guide you on this path of self-discovery, the one who has the most to lose and gain is ultimately YOU. Imagine picking up a smooth stone, and tossing it into the water - rippling away your reflection.

You take a deep breath and another and you feel how your body exists in the world - how your feet touch the ground, how you stand in your physicality. You turn away from the fog and lake and know that while you aren’t sure who you are going to find, you can’t wait to be more of YOU and less of what the world has told you you need to be - as a child, as a parent, as a co-worker, as a friend. You feel empowered, scared, peaceful, excited, thrilled all at once but you know you have felt your connection to your inner self - for just a moment, maybe, and you want more than that. Ultimately, you know the you of ten years from now is who you are honoring by continuing the discovery. After all, you and them, you’re both amazing!

00:07:31

[computer game level up music (short)]

Ask Coach Christine

Christine, do you have a way to be less self-conscious about my appearance as I grow out my gray, or grow my gray hair out? What’s the proper way to say that?

This was a specific question asked during one of our C.E.O. Training Team (to Empty Nest Success) Power Hours - we do those weekly on Mondays. I asked when the self-consciousness appeared for this person and there was a very specific example of being out the grocery store - someone seeing them with their hair growing out and the thoughts coming in.

And here are a few things to keep in mind.

First, the thoughts that are causing your self-consciousness about your hair are your thoughts. Ouch, right? Because unless you have some magical power that allows you to dive into their mind, you are only guessing what they are thinking. More than likely this happens in a split second and you may feel your body tense or stomach feel off before you even notice that your thoughts have gone to how embarrassed you are about your hair (and yes, you can apply this to anything - not just your hair).

Second, the moment you are able to notice your concern of what someone else thinks about you, you have made a step forward. Celebrate this! You have begun to make progress because now you have the opportunity to do one of a few things: a) change the thought you are having b) stop it completely by thinking about something else, or c) keep thinking about it over and over, and over, and over,and over, and over, and over again.

The third thing to keep in mind is if you notice something you’d like to create less resistance in your life for you, such as this, do some thought-work around it when you’re not out in public. There is this part of you that probably doesn’t love the way your hair looks. If you did, you wouldn’t care what anyone else thought. It would be like someone saying they really hate the dress that you’re wearing, and meanwhile you’re in a pantsuit.

You’re not there in your head, so it doesn’t bother you. You’re like, “err, they’re crazy, I don’t know what they’re thinking about.

That’s where we want you to get with your gray hair.

Ultimately, this though-processing is yours to do but it is fun to play with what-if statements so let’s try that: 

What if me growing out my gray hair represents me discovering who I am? What if I don’t care what anyone thinks about it? What future-me loves the results and is patiently waiting for the hair to grow? What if I find I don’t love it in the end and decide to color it again? What would I make that mean and what if I don’t make it mean anything other than I allowed myself this time of growth to be one that I tried something new? What if I love the results? What if I love the growing out process? What if I have fun with this? What if this process is one of peace and joy? What if?

So, those are some serious thoughts about it but we also then had an incredible amount of fun with it and I’m going to share that portion of my answer in the Find the Funny segment of this podcast episode.

00:10:26

[quirky music under segment]

Christine? Christine? Christine, where are you?

I was supposed to mention this ages ago but I believe I may have left it out of prior episodes, so better late than never! You’ll find me as a guest on the PractiMama Parenting podcast that was recorded also, ages ago, before my daughter had graduated from college, before my divorce, before my last name change - before the pandemic even. The PractiMama podcast, hosted by Lee Uehara is focused on mothers with younger children and I do love chatting to moms with younger children! The title of her episode is A Parenting Tip for Being Frustrated with Your Toddler - link will be in the show notes and the entire episode is under five minutes in length!

Also if you are listening to this episode within a week of its release, I have a giveaway currently going on, on TikTok to celebrate passing 10,000 followers. It’s hard to believe that many people have watched and decided to follow me at some point or the other. So, thank you if that’s you, or if that’s going to be you, I appreciate all of you: listeners of my podcast, followers on social media, and more. Look for the video that says Enter Now in the thumbnail to enter - I’ll be hiding that video once the giveaway ends. Good Luck! 

00:11:45

[computer game level up music (short)]

Celebrating you and your wins

Well, we have so much to celebrate this month from everyone. Super exciting!

Starting with TikTok shares, here we go:

HotFlashesAndCoolTopics: heading to 4th tennis clinic this week!

Bonnie Business Coach Frank: I took two weeks off work because my body was telling me that I needed a break. Entrepreneurs tend to be bad at self care and don’t stop working.  I can vouch for that!

Katie Robinson: I overcame a mental block and successfully did a flying sidekick over a stack of 4 targets in taekwondo for the first time in ages! For the past month every time I saw more than two targets stacked I would lose confidence and stutter-step instead of jumping over them, but no more!

Eyyy Its Tafen says im going back home in two day for a visit, ive been away for over a month now for college and i miss them

Yaggi Toshinori: I've been working on a drawing and I've improved much more than I thought I could!

Popping over to Instagram we have:

Okkilume: i finally made a decision to move where i truly want to live and quit my toxic workplace i'm still scared, but we're getting somewhere

Boneheaded_Alien says I’ve been consistently waking up before noon!

Skittelson135 says: i got the trash out on time!

Mannaquinskywalker06  : I’m closer to getting my permit than ever before

[cheers] 

I had so much fun gathering all of these together, reading them again and thinking of you all - thanks for sharing your wins with us.

If you want your win included next time, be sure to follow me on Instagram or TikTok and comment on the next Wednesday Win video that I post - be sure to add a microphone emoji so I know I have your permission to share your win with my listeners. Wins big and small we celebrate them all. I can’t wait to cheer you on!

00:13:25

[computer game level up music (short)]

What’s in your life’s toolbox?

Your C.E.O. Toolbox is the analogy we use here for items and resources that help you get through tough moments, enjoy the amazing moments and then also, do some deeper work, as needed. Your C.E.O. Toolbox is yours. It should have things that work for you, and you should take inventory from time to time, because sometimes the things that worked well for you two years ago aren’t doing it for you any longer. Today’s recommendation is a fun one if you have one near you.

What is it? Now, I haven’t done this one myself but one of my clients did and absolutely LOVED it. It’s the idea of a destruction room or rage room. While she didn’t go to a destruction room or rage room, she mimicked it in her house, in a way. I might have their particulars off a bit but I seem to remember mention of boxing gloves, loud music, a pillow or two to hit and a lot of yelling. The result felt so good for them that they shared it with us and said, “maybe I should find a rage room?  “Now, they were alone, yelled a lot, and was completely safe -  had planned it out, if you are curious.

 I looked at her and said, “this is a toolbox item for you,” and quite honestly now I’m curious about trying this.

So, my listener, I ask you today, have you ever been to a rage room, or given yourself the space to consciously destroy something in an effort to allow your body to release whatever it is holding on to?

00:14:53

Let’s find the funny!

[giggles from others]

I did promise you the funny version of our gray hair grow out conversation and that was when I asked them what they thought the other person was thinking, they shared. And, I said, “so to be clear, you think that this person who probably is in Wal-mart or CVS or wherever you are isn’t thinking about the 400 things in their life but they’re really thinking something like”…

What is going on with her hair?  She is really letting herself go. How could she leave the house like that and be seen in public? Doesn’t she know what hair dye is? I think this store needs to make an announcement. [noise] excuse us shoppers but we have an important announcement to make: we have a shopper who has decided to leave her house, drive here, and shop in the midst of “going gray” She’s in aisle 14 and we think you all should head over there to take a good, long, look. Be sure to make a face, to tell her it isn’t becoming and that she should go home. Thank you and have a nice day.

So, at this point we are giggling a bit but then we add… what we think is really on in their heads.

I don’t know what my wife meant by this on the list. What is the smell in this aisle. Oh, they changed the box color and I’m not sure which item is the one I usually buy now. I can’t believe I lost my phone today! Do I have the money to buy this? [sigh] I’m so exhausted. Oh,I just want to go home and sleep. Paper. Paper. Oh, can’t my children just stay close to the cart so I don’t have to worry about them getting trampled by other carts?Paper, paper, paper, all I need is paper. Don’t look at the other things. Paper, I need paper. Yes, there it is. Woo hoo! I’m outta here….

This all started from the mention of going gray and we end up belly laughing over the store announcements and what everyone’s thinking. So, I hope that next time you catch that pit in your stomach or tension over what someone else may be thinking of you, that you remember more than likely  they’re dealing with their own stuff.

00:16:45

[computer game level up music (short)]

What I Wish My Parents Knew

There is something that parents and grandparents say often - I’ve caught myself saying this - and I’ve heard multiple people complain about the impact of it. I’ve been on the receiving end of it, too.The statement is “just wait until you are older.” 

The statement sometimes is around good things. Other times, it’s around things such as how great the younger generation has it now. 

And what I’ve heard from the younger-set is that - and that I’ve experienced -  is that it isn’t a super supportive statement. It has made me consider other things I can say when I start to want to say this - when I hear the words forming in my mind…

Rather than saying “just wait until you are older, ” How about… 

  1. I prefer honesty. So I’d probably lean toward, “You know I was going to say, “just wait until you are older, but I realize that isn’t super helpful.”  - and then wait, see what comes out of it. 

or

  1. That sounds frustrating (or exciting) is that how it feels? 

or

  1. I remember feeling something like that in my life. I’m happy to share that if you think it is helpful, otherwise, I’m also happy to be a place for you to process your experience.

Or how about

  1. If it’s more serious - “That sounds serious. May I help in any way? I’m finding myself wanting to jump in and help.” 

Those are some ideas. 

Obviously, you can keep saying “Just wait until you are older,” you do you after all. It’s easy to fall into the trap to think you know how something is going to play out for someone but ultimately, we aren’t them. So removing some assumptions - no matter how well we know them - might be an interesting thing to try. As always, have fun with it! 

00:18:30

Two Questions for You

Question 1: Are you able to identify thoughts that don’t serve you, throughout the day?

and Question 2: Have you been to or would you go to a rage room?

As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.

My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.

If you enjoy this episode please don’t forget to share it with others, it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. Yes, all the goodies, links and resources are in my show notes. I’ll be back next month with a new episode.

My empty nest or future-empty nest friend, have some fun. Take some deep breaths, take some walks, and feel your inner you within your body - you might learn something and of course, remember that  YOU ARE AMAZING!

[end music] 

00:19:28

[bloopers]

00:20:29

Still Listening?

My new last name? It is now Oakfield. I am Christine Oakfield. I love it and am starting to get used to using it. Thanks for all the messages about my name change which I spoke about in my last episode.

[end music]

[end]

Posted on

158: Empty Nest Success When The Path Becomes Clear & Guest LaTrina Rogers on What She Wishes Parents of College Students Knew 💚

158: Empty Nest Success - When The Path Becomes Clear & Guest LaTrina Rogers on What She Wishes Parents of College Students Knew 💚

Podcast episode artwork is a selfie on a sunrise walk. This is real life.

Hello, my amazing friend. 👋

Life will continue to test your thoughts about everything. Be cognizant of what is going on in your mind, as it is game-changing. 

As always, I'm cheering you on! 🎉

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"No one was ever in my way more than I allowed them to be AND no one was ever in my way more than I was."

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

🔽 More goodies below, too! Scroll down 🔽 , so you don't miss anything! 🔽 🔽 🔽 

"No one was ever in my way more than I allowed them to be AND no one was ever in my way more than I was." episode 158 of the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast  #emptynest #life #emptynestsuccess

Tweet about this

This Episode is Brought To You By

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:00 Podcast intro
  • 01:21 Roe versus Wade
  • 02:22 Quick Reminders
  • 03:30 My Wish For You Today 
  • 04:02  New Things: Patron Membership & Curated Episodes
  • 04:46 My Lessons Learned: Sometimes things get easier the more you embrace them - my name change
  • 11:52 Ask Coach Christine: I'm feeling good about the empty nest ahead
  • 12:57 What's In Your Life's Toolbox? Try Something New
  • 14:27 Guest LaTrina Rogers shares what she wishes parents knew
  • 17:44 Two Questions For You
  • bloopers 😆
  • 19:02 Still listening? 

Episode Questions For You To Consider

  1. Are you able to identify thoughts that don’t serve you throughout the day?
  2. Is there something you’ve been wanting to try?

💚Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

First Time Here? Try This Order of Episodes

Episode Resources

LaTrina Rogers, M.S. Ed: Website | Links | TikTok

LaTrina Rogers, M.S. Ed. is the Director of Residential Life at Ranken Technical College in St. Louis, MO. Driven by a passion for student success, she assists college students to find their voice for self advocacy and implement responsibility and independence while living on campus. A Student Affairs Professional with 19 years experience in higher education, LaTrina has worked in a variety of roles including Admissions, Academic Advising, Veterans Advising and currently Residence Life.

Her goal to encourage student independence led to the creation of her brand “The Dorm Mom”. LaTrina’s brand has launched with the goal of coaching parents to transition from leading their students to supporting them as they embark on independence while experiencing student housing on their college campus. She also writes for CollegiateParent a magazine and website for parents preparing their students to attend college.

Dedicated to encouraging and helping others, LaTrina serves the community with several organizations. She serves on the Board of Directors of Valeda’s Hope, a community support breast cancer organization. As the President of the Board of Advisors for The Hurston & Hughes Literary Circle, LaTrina supports the literary exposure to students of authors of the Black and Brown diaspora. LaTrina also served the American Heart Association in St. Louis over 15 years as a volunteer with the Multicultural Committee (Chair 2012-2014) and winner of the Community Impact Award. She is also a member of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc.which serves the community based on its founding principles of Scholarship, Service, Sisterhood, and Finer Womanhood.

* affiliate link to SupaPass - which powers our community! Should you purchase using the link, I make a commission.

You are preparing for the empty nest ahead as your child(ren) prepares, heads off to, and experiences college (or not college) and life.

Subscribe To This Podcast

It is FREE!

Want to get notified of new episodes directly on your phone? Subscribe to this podcast using your favorite app!

Yes! Show Me My Options

The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 158

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #158. If this isn't your first time listening and you want to skip the introduction portion feel free to tap forward a couple of times. In this podcast, I focus on helping parents who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though, all are welcome here, as I’m all about coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up

[level-up music]

your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.

I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. Here we go…

[up beat music]

00:00:53

This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.

00:1:22

Before we dive in, this is the first episode I have released since the June 24th Supreme Court decision to overturn Roe versus Wade, and I’d like to take a moment to address it. No, I don’t always share things like this here but this one, my inner guidance wouldn’t let go of. The Supreme Court’s decision stripped away the legal right to have a safe and legal abortion for all Americans by leaving this decision up to the states. Restricting access to comprehensive reproductive care, including abortion, threatens the health and independence of all Americans impacting us, our children and generations to come. This decision could also lead to the loss of other rights. To learn more about what you can do to help, visit podvoices.help you’ll find ways to get involved and other resources there. I encourage you to take care, speak up, and spread the word all from a place of love.

00:2:22

[jingle]

And now for the usual quick reminders:

First, you’ll find time markers in this episode’s full show notes, if you are looking for something specific or would like to hop around.

Second, you’ll find a ton of information, resources and more on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com or EmptyNestSuccess.com.

Reminder #3 If you enjoy this podcast, don’t forget to follow it in your favorite podcast player - or register for a free account in the empty nest success home. You may also join my Thursday Thoughts about email list where I’ll pop in your inbox with a thought and updates on most Thursdays. Those are the best ways to be notified when I release a new episode.

And finally, a special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass. SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. Register today for that free account I mentioned - you’ll find it at EmptyNestSuccess.com - where you may also join the C.E.O. training team, or purchase other premium content.

00:03:30

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Wish for You Today

My wish for you today is that you are able to see and believe in an exciting future ahead, by allowing yourself permission to become YOU - to see opportunities you might normally miss.

If you are intrigued and want to dive a bit deeper into this topic, I have a short “What if” affirmation and worksheet related to this topic titled (Open Eyes - Empty Nest Success) available for you - see the show notes!

00:04:02

[computer game level up music (short)]

New Things. New Things. New Things!

I added a membership option in the Empty Nest Success community. I’ll be breaking all future podcast episodes and the back catalogue, as I have time - into segments to make topics easier to find! Become a Your Empty Nest Coach podcast patron for access and a few other goodies including a podcast shout-out are included- join today for only $5/month!

Another new thing is you’ll find the podcast episodes that are parts of a series - curated now also in the Empty Nest Success community. Curated topics include - Empty Nest Syndrome, Empty Nest Prep, The C.E.O. of Your Life concepts, and more!

00:04:46

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Lessons Learned

Sometimes things get easier the more you embrace them. Have you ever noticed that?

About six months ago, I said to myself, “What if I don’t keep my married last name?” I gave it some thought, and quickly poo-pooed the idea. Yeah, I said poo-poo.

A bit later, it popped in my mind again, at that time, I did a little online research and once I saw how much work is involved and that it could impact my credit score, I stopped considering it again. After all, I thought to myself, “Christine, it has already been a busy year, do we really need to add ANYTHING else into the mix?”

So, I let it go again.

Again, it came up and I couldn’t shake it… by now, though, I began to consider, “Okay, what would I change my name to?” And then it took courage to say what I was thinking out loud to someone - that I’m thinking about completely changing my current last name - I believe my daughter heard it first. Honestly, she was way more supportive than she needed to be but she’s also one of the most practical humans I know and someone who is extremely aware that her mother changing her name isn’t about her it is for her mother. - Yeah, I feel like I should wipe away the tears now.

I still wasn’t ready to commit to the change but began floating the idea a bit more as the weeks progressed. Even mentioned it to some others - who had a bit more push back on the topic - especially since I was planning on going with a brand new last name.

There was a lot of back and forth for me on the topic and then finally one day I woke up and thought, ”Yes, I’m gonna do it. I’m ready to put the finances behind it and do the paper work - ohhhhh the paperwork.

Then the waiting: Who do I tell? Anyone? Everyone? Does anyone want to be there with me at my court hearing? Should I ask anyone? Should I do it alone?

The last time I changed my name, there was a really big ceremony and party. And this time… what do I do?

Whoo. After working through my own thoughts and desires, navigating comfortably (though sometimes not so well) around other people’s reactions, getting fingerprinted, the criminal check, the searches on the name, two counties to go process it all through since I had recently moved, public notices in papers and many phone calls. Way too many phone calls, but the day finally arrives.

I head to my morning appointments to pick up final paperwork. Super easy - and the friendliest of people everywhere. I had a few hours before the hearing, so I treated myself to a lovely meal in one of my favorite lunch spots, I arrived super early and had this moment where I was the only one in this huge stone hallway of the courthouse. Big, wide, sterile feeling - a lot of marble and grey, if you can picture it. The kind where if you walk with heels - you hear the echo for seconds.

No one was there.

And in that moment, it hit me how clear the rest of my path was to get this done. No one was going to oppose the change. No one was ever in my way any more than I allowed them to be. I did this for me but I had to decide it was worth the joyous investment of my time to make this huge - and it is HUGE - change.

There I am: sitting in the hallway, processing all of this - thinking it would make a great episode.

And just as I was thinking about “if I could have anyone here with me, who WOULD it be?” At that moment, I heard the sound of a group of people chatting enter the hallway and head towards me. All to the courtroom I’m assigned to. All name changes. Every single person there with me in that moment understood the impact. Understood the paperwork, the emotions and the change. They were exactly who I needed with me. For an hour or so, we were all family. It was beautiful. All of us were changing our names for different reasons. All of us were nervous, and excited at the same time. We waited together, extended encouragement and celebratory words when the judge agreed to sign the court orders. I cried tears of joy for the others much easier than for me because when it was my turn I was in work mode. But it was amazing, and fantastic and lovely.

Just as you reach a destination in your life, understanding it’s only the beginning of what is next makes it fun.

Two days later I spent the day at the social security office, the DMV, notaries and more. All went so much better than expected. Despite being told by three people that day, that the DMV wasn’t gonna to give me a new license without x, y, and z.

And what is the lesson I learned? I already kind of said it with:

“No one was ever in my way any more than I allowed them to be.”

I’ll adjust that statement to:

No one was ever in my way more than I allowed them to be AND no one was ever in my way more than I was.

And how can we apply this to the empty nest?

Well, we often get in our own way with our thoughts. We spend hours and hours of time “worried and concerned for our kids, for our future, about choices and more” time that we could be focused instead on the things that bring us joy. After all, when is the last time you saw worry and concern, actually fix a problem? Think about it. Worry and concern: they mostly just seem to stir a pot of drama but there are some who do love the drama. If you aren’t one those humans, pay attention to your thoughts and where they are throughout the day - you’ll catch them in the strangest of places.

And when you do catch them, don’t add to the drama by being upset that you had the thought in the first place, or that you spent so much time thinking about it. Instead, try being thankful that you caught the thought before it spiraled. Be thankful that you have the opportunity to change it to a thought that allows you to feel better.

And the more thoughts you change, the clearer your path will become.

It’s all you, after all. You’ve got this and I’m cheering you on!

00:11:52

[computer game level up music (short)]

Ask Coach Christine

Christine, my kiddo is heading off to college in the fall. I am excited for them. People keep telling me, though, “just you wait - you are going to be a mess.” I’m not seeing it. Should I be concerned?

Simply? Nope.

If you need a little more, here you go: If you feel good right now, stay there! You may feel perfectly fine - even wonderful - through the transition and the empty nest years - or, it might hit you all of the sudden. Either way, your journey is YOUR journey. There is no right or wrong. There is, however, NOW. Now, this moment, this is all you do know for sure, so if you feel good now. Embrace it. Lean into it and let others spin their tales about how you might feel. That is their story to tell but for now, you are exactly where you need to be! Enjoy it!

00:12:57

[computer game level up music (short)]

What’s in your life’s toolbox?

Your C.E.O. Toolbox is the analogy we use for items and resources that help you get through tough moments, enjoy the amazing moments and then also, do some deeper work, as needed. Today’s recommendation is a fun one and one that would be a top-of-the-toolbox item - it isn’t deeper level work - but it could turn into that, for sure.

What is it? It’ s to sign up for something you wouldn’t normally sign up for - something that maybe you needed to do a double-take when you read it or heard about it, or something that is a bit challenging but also something that you could imagine a version of yourself doing. It could be virtual or in-person. It could be something you pay for or something that’s free. Maybe it’s not an event but it’s reading a genre of book that you wouldn’t normally read. It really can be anything. Something that’s a stretch for you but also do-able.

For some of you, a warning, the goal is NOT to set out to become an expert. The goal is to see if you like it - and also what can you learn about yourself by trying it? Learning what motivates you - and what doesn’t. Learning what you enjoy doing - and what you don’t enjoy doing is incredibly valuable - it’s more information for that toolbox of yours!

I’d love to know what you try!

00:14:27

[computer game level up music (short)]

What I Wish My Parents Knew

I have a special guest for this segment, LaTrina Rogers, also known as The Dorm Mom on TikTok, where I believe I first connected with her. LaTrina shares with us today what she wishes parent knew. She is the Director of Residential Life at Ranken Technical College in St. Louis, Mo and she’s driven by a passion for student success. LaTrina’s full bio and link to her website will be - you guessed it - in my show notes. Be sure to connect with her and let her know you heard her segment here!

Things I wish parents knew from The Dorm Mom. I wish parents knew that teaching independence has to come with opportunities to be independent. And those opportunities can be done very early, by a student learning to complete an application by student learning to self advocate for resources that they need in school. Those things can be easily taught so that when they get older, for instance, the audience I work with are college students, when a student gets older, and they come to college, that parents should go from leading that student to supporting that student, meaning the students should be completed their own applications for housing, for college, for parking. Over my years in higher education, I have seen countless amounts of parents completing applications for their student. And I strongly encourage the parents to not do that, because it takes away the opportunity for their students to be independent. That student will have to answer questions when that parent goes home. And that student is now matriculating on a college campus. So it's very imperative they learn those little things. And that also gives them confidence in their independence. Allow your students to experience those little bumps of adversity that may come if they miss a deadline, if they don't show up on time, there are consequences to actions. And oftentimes parents tried to remove the consequences. But part of being independent and having freedom is that there's a responsibility to go with it. All of that is taught not just by instruction, but it's solidified by experience. And that independence, as you know, as a parent, as an adult, is beyond joyous especially for someone young and just experiencing it. So remember, take your student, from leading them to supporting them at the proper age, and also encourage independence by giving small opportunities for them to engage in it. You can empower your student to be great in so many things, and on so many levels. That's what I wish parents knew.

00:17:44

Two Questions for You

Question 1: Are you able to identify thoughts that don’t serve you, throughout the day?

and Question 2: Is there something you’ve been wanting to try?

As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.

My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.

If you enjoy this episode please don’t forget to share it with others, it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. Yes, all the goodies, links and resources are in my show notes. I’ll be back next month with a new episode.

Thank you for listening.

Thanks for being you. The world is incredibly lucky to have you here.

YOU ARE AMAZING!

[end music]

00:18:37

[bloopers]

00:19:02

Still Listening?

I am aware that I didn’t tell you my new last name. It isn’t really a secret I just am still syncing everything behind the scenes. I did share the story with C.E.O. Training team members in a behind the scenes video. So, if you’re a member and curious, check out the video. It will be public everywhere soon enough and much of that story feels like it will be in my upcoming book.

[end music]

[end]

Posted on

155: Empty Nest Success Means Re-Evaluation, But There’s a Catch💚

155: Empty Nest Success Means Re-Evaluation, But There’s a Catch 💚

Hello, my amazing friend. 👋

I'm wrapping up 2021 with an announcement or two. I'll be busy with the C.E.O. Training Team to Empty Nest Success membership, curating content from these 155 episodes, creating videos for TikTok, and other things over the next six months. I will be back after June with a podcast series or two.

All the details are in this episode. Thank you for listening. I appreciate you!! 

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"So, my question to you now is why in the world do we spend so much energy protecting our physical world, while the majority of us - we don’t spend more than ten-seconds learning how to care for and protect our thoughts? Ugh. It pains me. it pains me!"

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

Listen to @emptynestcoach 's 🎙podcast episode: Empty Nest Success Means Re-Evaluation, But There’s a Catch 💚 #emptynest #life #emptynestsuccess #newepisode #re-evaluation ▶

Tweet about this

This Episode is Brought To You By

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:47 Podcast intro
  • 01:43  My wish for you today
  • 02:11 New things (Podcast & Community Updates)
  • 07:48 My Lessons Learned: Empty Nest Re-evaluations
  • 14:06 Christine, Where are You? 
  • 15:30 Celebrating You and Your Wins
  • 16:18 Two Questions for You
  • 17:39 Bloopers
  • 18:09 Still Listening? 

💚Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

Questions for You:

  1. What do you need to re-evaluate in your life?
  2. Will you be joining us in the C.E.O. Training Team?

First Time Here? Try This Order of Episodes

Episode Resources

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Yes! Show Me My Options

The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 155

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #155. Tap 30 seconds ahead if this isn't your first time listening and want to skip this introduction portion. I focus on mothers who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though, all are welcome here, as I’m all about coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up

[level-up music]

your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.

I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. Here we go…

[up beat music]

00:00:47

This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of may alter-ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.

00:01:17

[computer game level up music (short)]

This episode has been months in the making through a tiny seed that was planted in my mind way back in May or June... it arrived as a thought-delivery for me almost out of thin air. Should I wrap up the podcast? OOOO, that was a tough thought-delivery. I'll say a bit more, shortly, but if you want to jump around in this episode, look for the time markers in the show notes.

00:01:43

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Wish for You Today

My wish for you today is that you notice a thought-delivery - a thought that was placed in your mind. A thought that hasn’t been serving you. May you notice that thought, lovingly look at it and let it go. It isn’t your thought to keep, after all, and you, my friend, deserve better.

00:02:11

[computer game level up music (short)]

New Things. New Things. New Things!

My first new thing is that I'm going to put a fairly long pause on this podcast. I marked my calendar and will not release a new episode for at least six months. And, yes, I had to mark it on my calendar because I do tend to get excited and forget that I promised myself that I’d give myself time to process things. [giggle] and when I do return to podcasting, it will look a little bit different, too: I will be creating a focused series of episodes on topics and will release them when the content is ready.

My second new thing is that with the podcasting pause - thanks Lee Uehara for that term - I’ll be able to focus on the empty nest success membership, which I’ve renamed and changed a bit to something more fitting of what it really is. It is now called the The C.E.O. Training Team. C.E.O., of course, stands for Conscious Effective Olympian around here and my dirty little secret is that while I’m lucky enough to teach to empty nest mamas, it serves them in every area of their life- not just the empty nest - helping them to become the Conscious Effective Olympians of their life. It isn’t really about the empty nest but it certainly starts there for these amazing women. I love this work and the new name is a continual reminder, to me, how important my work is.

Can I be real with you for a moment, too? I know I’ve been using the term flock for quite some time. It felt like it fit with the whole empty nest concept but it did feel a bit gimmicky (and “off”) to me - I didn’t have a better solution though. With much contemplation I realized that what this membership community that I’m creating has more in common with is a team - let’s take a gymnastics team for example - or any team where you compete individually - that’s you, my friend - the individual - it’s your life, your work, your happenings in life that aren’t exactly the same as everyone else’s and ultimately you are the one that needs to put in the work to excel in your moments, in your life BUT you also have the support of a team - where everyone around you, while they may not have the same exact situation or circumstances, they “get it”, they get missing their kid, they “get” losing their identity, they “get” that taking care of yourself takes effort and you are supported in this team environment. Then there is the coach - yeah, that would be me. I’m there to provide you with training sessions, guidance, and encouragement. Ultimately, the work is yours. I know that, you know that, but it helps sometimes to have a coach to check-in with, who has been where you are - maybe not exactly the same way but enough to know how they’d look at the problem should they be presented with it today. As your coach, I’m there to spot you as you learn and tell you when you are ready to move to the next level.

00:05:28

So with that analogy...

I now think of this podcast as the open gym session. You can drop in, take a listen, try some of the equipment or tools that I mention and see if you like what I have to say, if you can stand how I say it, try some of the tools I mention and decide if you want to do more in this space.

If the answer is yes, in a gym, you’d sign up for a casual class - maybe a weekly recreational one. Our equivalent would be you choosing to register for the membership site where you’ll get access to some additional resources for free.

And then, if you like what you see in the space but find you are struggling without a team around you; if you are looking for a bit more guidance, accountability, and personal encouragement - then it’s time to join a C.E.O. Training Team.

I have a limit on the size of the roster and recruitment only opens periodically.

Once on a team, you’ll have weekly training sessions on Mondays, which we call Power Hours. In this space, we’ll run through some tools, resources and activities as a group - we’ll celebrate our wins together and share things that we found funny. You’ll have access to a monthly group coaching session as well. And resources... oh, well, of course, you have now have full access to the gym to level-up your skills whenever works for you. You’ll have access to workshops, affirmations, content that I will be creating, and more.

The team will always be reminded that we are in a safe space where we support one another. And of course, I’m always available for private coaching, as well.

All that was my second new thing!

And my final new thing, that is worth mentioning, is that I will be curating content. With over 150 episodes, I have a tremendous amount of content that is always available, and I keep having great plans to curate it in a useful way for you, but haven’t had the time to do it because there is always another episode to create. Well, with this pause, the C.E.O. Training team will reap the rewards because I’ll be curating content each week for the team. They’ll be able to request topics too. I’m super excited to have the time to do this, as what good is great content if it’s really hard to find it?

00:07:48

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Lessons Learned

Empty Nest Success Means Re-Evaluation But There’s a Catch

Why are you doing the things you do?

Is it because it is what you said you’d do? Is it because you’ve always done it that way? Is it because you are comfortable? Is it because you have a routine? Is it because —— maybe you don’t even know.

The empty nest brings huge change into our lives. Some expected. Some unexpected. Strong emotions when you least expect them. Freedom - freedom that may be welcome or unwelcome. Of course, I could go on for days about the changes. There are times we hold onto people, routines, traditions, keepsakes, furniture, plans because they were brought into our lives in a singular moment.

In case you need to hear this, something ( or someone) amazing doesn’t need to stay in your life forever for it to have been good for your life. Maybe you learned what you needed to learn. Maybe you grew the amount you needed to grow. Maybe you grew and someone else didn’t. Maybe you’ve changed and that thing you said yes to three years ago, doesn’t serve you any longer.

The empty nest is a fantastic opportunity to declutter our lives. Yes, it can be scary. But it also could be freaking amazing. You won’t know until you start to look at it all. And you won’t know what to re-evaluate and declutter until you’ve done some cleaning up. And, if you’ve listened to me for more than one episode, you are going to know that I always start with ... our thoughts. Yes, our thoughts are powerful. Our thoughts can change our lives. 100% I couldn’t believe anything more. Are they the answer to everything? No they are not, but I haven’t seen successful change happen in someone’s life without them first decluttering their thoughts around the thing. You, yourself, may not even realize how much power you’re handing over to others in your life - in this very moment.

You’ve probably heard me say this before, but I like to say that our thoughts are thought-deliveries - and our mind is like a house. Would you EVER leave your house - where you live physically - real-life - unlocked with the door open and the lights on allowing ANYONE to enter without giving it a second thought? Would you allow someone to drop off a box in your unlocked home, and never look inside to see what is there - I mean - it could be a million dollars - but it could also be a bomb. Think about this - imagine, you head off to work (outside of your home), you leave your windows and doors open, the lights are on, allow anyone to come in with no rhyme or reason - “welcome!” and you have no cameras to monitor - things just happen in your home while you aren’t there. How does that feel?

So, my question to you now, is why in the world do we spend so much energy protecting our physical world, while the majority of us - we don’t spend more than ten-seconds learning how to care for and protect our thoughts? ugh. It pains me. it pains me!

Let me say it again, thoughts are only the beginning. But we have to start somewhere. And thought-deliveries - noticing them, questioning them, being curious about them, are a really good place to start. It’s difficult to understand becoming the C.E.O. of your life when you can’t see past the darkness cluttering your mind of thought-deliveries that you haven’t cleaned out for your ENTIRE LIFE.

Oh, my friend, I began this work over three years ago for myself and if you’ve listened to this podcast, you’ve heard me along the journey. When I started, I thought thought-deliveries and what those does to us was enough. I discovered, it really is so much more, but until you get that concept, none of the rest will make sense. None of it will be illuminated until you can declutter. And then, and only then, with a decluttered mind, will you have the freedom of more time, more energy, making everything in your life easier to re-evaluate.

And if you had told me three and a half years ago that my 2021 would consist of a move, a marriage separation and pending divorce, speaking at an event, and looking at pausing my podcast, all in the midst of a pandemic that had been going on for multiple years, I wouldn’t even know how to respond. But guess what? Right here, now, in the moment, I’m pretty peaceful about it all - it feels amazing to have that level of control over my life - even when things I can’t control come barreling in full force. What I get to do is control how I respond. I get to control my thoughts about it. I was able to look at that thought-delivery that arrived months and months ago: yeah that one, “Should I wrap up the podcast?” I was able to consider it lovingly, let it simmer, and frame it in different lights and ultimately find the answer within myself that works for me, right now.

I hope, my friend, that you discover this for yourself. It’s amazing. It isn’t a perfect life - whose is? - and it takes continual work but it is life-changing and since our lives aren’t over, and we have years on this earth (hopefully - fingers-crossed) to spend here, why not make the most of it and really get to know your amazing self? Future-you is waiting.

00:14:06

[quirky music under segment]

Christine? Christine? Christine, where are you?

Alright, well, you’ll find me in the C.E.O. Training Team, the Empty Nest Success community, in new videos on TikTok, for sure, and taking a lot of local walks. That should all keep me busy through the first quarter of 2022, along with my day job and there’s a slight chance I might have another move in store for me in 2022, so I’m buffering a little extra time in there in case I need to pull that off.

In the podcasting world, I will be a guest on some upcoming podcast episodes. Two that I have already been recorded are Wellness While Walking hosted by Carolyn Cohen where I shared a bit about how much walking has helped me over the last year...and in the spring, you’ll find me on an episode of Listeners to Leads hosted by Alesia Galati where we talked about the fun I have on TikTok. I had a great time speaking with both of these amazing women, and you can always find all of the episodes I’ve guested on, on my website - scroll all the way down to Coach Christine appearances to see them all on the audio page.

And while I won’t be releasing my own episodes for the next six months, I am very happy to be a guest on your show. If you’ve been waiting to ask me, now’s the time.

00:15:30

[computer game level up music (short)]

Celebrating you and your wins

This is an amazing way to to wrap up celebrating your wins. Let me tell you why. I did not release my usual video on Instagram and TikTok asking for people to celebrate their wins. So, I haven’t done that in quite some time, but I did release other videos and in one of them - right in my TikTok comments someone left the microphone emoji and their win! I love this so much. So my listener, I invite you to celebrate with Layla.and.Dabo who got into three colleges this week and still are waiting to hear back from their dream school. I hope you hear back soon and it is a “Yes!” All of us here are cheering you on Layla.andDabo! Thank you for sharing. You’re amazing.

00:16:18

Two Questions for You

Question 1:  What do you need to re-evaluate in your life?

and Question 2:  Will you be joining us in the C.E.O. Training Team?

[I’d] love to have you there.

As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.

My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.

If you enjoy this episode please don’t forget to share it with others, it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. And, even, if I’m not releasing content right now, I have 150 episodes for someone to binge.

As always, you'll find a ton of information, resources and more on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com. A special thanks to SupaPass, my current employer and what powers our Empty Nest Success community. You can join today to gain free resources.

As for me and this podcast, I’ll be back in mid to late 2022 with a series of topics that rise organically from our C.E.O. Training Team sessions.

Now, at the end of the year, I’m happy I can say I’ve enjoyed the journey in 2021 - the ups and the downs. I was able to level-up my life as I was stretched in ways I never would have expected. You can do this too - if you haven’t already - I believe in you. And don’t you dare forget that YOU ARE AMAZING!

Chat next time!

[end music]

[00:17:39]

[bloopers]

00:18:09

Are you still listening?

Take a deep breath in, my friend. Let the air out. Take another deep breath in and as you do, imagine good thought-deliveries entering your soul. Let that breath out and let go of thoughts that aren’t serving you. Let’s do it again.... deep breath in (good thought deliveries) and out (let those go - they’re not yours). Repeat this as necessary.

[end music]

[end]

Posted on

154: How To Disentangle Through Divorce In The Empty Nest 💚

154: How To Disentangle Through Divorce In The Empty Nest 💚

Hello, my amazing friend. 👋

I almost didn't publish this one.

However, it has given me a bit of closure, and if it helps one person, it is worth sharing. 💚

In this episode, I share some of my personal journey as my husband and I transition toward divorce. I also share things that have helped me - and much more. 

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"My wish for you today is that you discover, or rediscover, something about yourself that you love."

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

Listen to @emptynestcoach 's 🎙podcast episode: How to disentangle through divorce in the empty nest  💚 #divorce #emptynestdivorce #life #emptynestsuccess #newepisode ▶

Tweet about this

This Episode is Brought to You By

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:42 Podcast intro
  • 01:47  My wish for you today
  • 02:29 New things
  • 04:17 My Lessons Learned: divorce in the empty nest
  • 13:30 5 Things that have helped me in separation/divorce
  • 19:42 Sunk costs and final thoughts
  • 22:23 Ask Coach Christine:  Telling your parents you use new pronouns
  • 23:15  Christine, Where are You? 
  • 24:45 Find the Funny
  • 24:31 Two Questions for You
  • 26:53 Bloopers
  • 27:11 Still Listening? 

💚Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

Questions for You:

  1. How do you feel about divorce - in your life and the lives of others?
  2. What area of your life do you need to take a closer look at? 

First Time Here? Try This Order of Episodes

Episode Resources

Subscribe To This Podcast

It is FREE!

Want to get notified of new episodes directly on your phone? Subscribe to this podcast using your favorite app!

Yes! Show Me My Options

The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 154

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #154. Tap 30 seconds ahead if this isn't your first time listening and want to skip this introduction portion. I focus on mothers who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though, all are welcome here, as I’m all about coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up

[level-up music]

your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.

I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. Here we go…

[up beat music]

00:00:46

This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of may alter-ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.

00:01:15

[computer game level up music (short)]

The big (and heavy) topic for this episode is divorce - I'm opening up on how we (my husband and I) are disentangling our relationship through divorce. Is it a how to for everyone? [giggle] Probably not but it has/is becoming my husband and I's how to, and since I needed to hear from others their experience, I thought maybe someone might need to hear ours - or, mine because I certainly can't speak for my soon to be ex-husband.

If you wanna jump around in the episode, look for the time markers in the show notes.

00:01:47

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Wish for You Today

My wish for you today is that you discover, or rediscover, something about yourself that you love. You know, that thing that when you think about it, you know it is special and the corner of your mouth rises up with a grin because that part of you - or that talent - or gift of yours - is pretty freaking amazing. Give yourself permission to stop what you are doing now and think about it - or take time to discover it - and lean into it. Be proud of it. Own it. You are amazing!

00:02:29

[computer game level up music (short)]

New Things. New Things. New Things!

So many new things have happened but I'll pick two big ones in my personal life.

First, I received a TikTok video sponsorship! Helix Sleep sent me a mattress to review in exchange for a couple of videos about the mattress. I can't even begin to tell you how exciting this is for me, although, to be honest, part of me was really concerned because I'm awful at lying, so I did have a fear that I wasn't going to love the mattress. Thank goodness, it is freaking amazing - I want to go lay in it now it's so comfortable. Should you be curious, I'll put a link to my first video in my show notes. In that video I share how it is delivered in a box and also show the entire unboxing - our cat Lego supervised. If you are in the market for a mattress, I have a link for $200 off a Helix Sleep mattress and they'll send you a couple of pillows too - a link to that will be in my show notes, as well.

00:03:21

My other big new thing is that I was officially served with divorce papers, which means the 90-day countdown begins until it can be official. Such a weird thing and because of that, I thought I'd do a second episode about divorce in the empty nest, as I think it is important. I see so many things about reconnecting with your partner in the empty nest and it is fantastic if you are able to do so but for those who aren't - here is your reminder that you are not alone. That your worth is not based on your marriage. You are amazing no matter your relationship status. And you may even be happier.

In Your Empty Nest Coach-land, things that are new is that I'm actually no longer working at the grocery store which means I have a full two days off a week, again - which hasn't happened in quite some time - and that means, I've had time to do things like get back to working on our flock space, and this podcast. Yay, I'm so excited!

00:04:17

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Lessons Learned

Divorce in the Empty Nest

As mentioned earlier, I am in the process of a divorce. I wasn't the one who ultimately asked for it but I was the one who first mentioned the word divorce and gave my husband permission to consider it. Want to know why? Yeah, sometimes I do to [ha!]. But I'm going to be really real here in this episode about things that I think might help others, and also remember (in case you skipped this in the beginning) I'm sharing how we are handling it and things that have helped me. Should you be experiencing divorce or have it on your mind - always, always use your own internal GPS for guidance.

A few days after my husband's request, our discussion and quick decision to proceed with divorce, I went back and listened to episode 119 of my podcast - that one is titled 'does the empty nest cause divorce?'. Oh my goodness, it brought me so much peace. It is weird to have your past self comfort your current self. But that's what happened. So, if you are in the process of divorce or considering it - I encourage you to listen to that episode before the rest of this one. It is a really good starting point. And, honestly, I'm kind of fascinated by how helpful it was to me.

To be completely transparent with you, when you listen to that episode, you'll notice I put something out there that was big - especially in the "still listening?" portion. From where I sit now, I think that was me directly talking to myself, and, I admit to you today, that I hadn't yet done it myself. I knew I needed to at some point but man, it is freaking scary. I guess episode 119 was my way of preparing myself for the future - or where I am presently.

00:06:13

Anyway, after recording and making that episode live last year, there were some thought-deliveries that kept arriving in my mind that I couldn't quite let go of. I feel sharing this with you is important since I always talk about managing our thought-deliveries. Sometimes the ones that hang on need to be sorted and moved somewhere else, and sometimes they require deeper inspection.

The latter was the case for me.

What I'm about to share with you is not meant to make you feel bad for me, or bad for my soon to be ex-husband, or for you to take sides. Look, none of that matters in my life or his, we each have our own stories and plans to manage. I'm sharing this with you because a while ago I needed someone to share their experience with me - for me to learn and consider divorce as an option despite it being the opposite of everything I was told my whole life. It allowed me to give permission to both of us to consider it, and it allowed us both, ultimately, to be free.

So whether this episode resonates with you or not, keep it in mind in case someone you know might need it in the future.

And a final note before I proceed, I am NOT pro-divorce. I'm pro considering divorce. What feels better...knowing your partner WANTS to be with you or wondering if they do?

Something I heard a while back from someone was that they they check-in each year with their husband to see if they would choose each other again if they met today. And she was always excited that the answer was yes.

Oh, the emotions that came up for me when I first heard this. What if... what if they wouldn't? What if you have different answers? What if... What if...

00:07:54

That stayed with me for a while. Now, as you know if you've listened to me for a while, I've been cleaning up my thought-deliveries for years, and when I recorded the divorce episode I mentioned, the words of this person came back to me, and I also felt a bit horrified because if I was honest with myself, I had no proof based on recent experiences that my husband would choose me today - and I was fairly certain he wouldn't.

To be honest, I wasn't sure how I felt.

Anytime divorce did come up in topic he always said, "divorce isn't an option."

Maybe that was supposed to bring us comfort. I know he meant well. But it never brought me comfort and I really wasn't sure why until I had the courage to look deeper into my own thoughts. Which was really tough to do. Ultimately, I landed on when divorce isn't an option, then you're stuck. Does he feel stuck? Am I stuck? Are we both stuck? What if it was an option?

When you can't get out of something because you can't get out of something, what is really going on? Are you happily married to the love of your life and can't wait to grow old with them or is 'divorce not an option'. I wanted the former and I, honestly, wasn't feeling either of us were there.

While I sound pretty calm and peaceful about this, now, please know that I've done a lot of healing over the last five months. I've been sad. I've been angry. I've been overwhelmed - and you know I don't like using the word overwhelmed, but I chose it more than a few days and owned it.

Considering all of this was NOT easy.

There are a lot of reasons I've been less podcasty over the last few months and it is because I was working on myself a lot, and navigating this transition. It isn't easy. It sucks. It sucks big time and it is CRAZY scary.

00:09:45

Anyway, I'm a little all over the place, but six months or so after my Divorce in the Empty Nest episode aired, I (with the help of a margarita) I brought up the possibility of considering divorce to my husband. I don't even know what sparked it in the moment. It was my daughter's graduation weekend, we were away, and talking about the future - the two of us- and I guess I felt if I didn't say it now, I may never say it. What did I think was going to happen? Honestly, I had NO idea. I didn't actually think we'd get a divorce, to be honest.

I think I thought that we'd have a discussion, work through some things and realize that we are both overworked, exhausted and find maybe some hobbies to do together and work things out long-term. Rediscover some things missing in our relationship, and find a future together. I think I thought that was going to be the catalyst for that to happen.

Maybe that's what I thought.

But as the conversation continued, I found myself saying things like, "don't stay married to me because you have to provide for us, I'll figure things out." "don't stay married to me because divorce isn't an option, stay married to me because you love me, we have fun together and can't wait to do things together in this next part of life," and the final one, "I can't make you happy. Making you happy, isn't ultimately my job it is your job to figure out what makes you happy and if you do that better without me, you should. Life is too short." or something like that.

00:11:10

Let me tell you, it was scary. It was weird, and there wasn't a back and forth about but we don't really want that. It just was out there... that should have told me something. But I guess what was MORE scary, in the end, was living the rest of my life wondering if he really wanted to be with me. Pretty much knowing the answer but never having the courage to ask it because I was too scared.

Well, about 30 days after that margarita-filled conversation, my husband sat me down and said he wanted a divorce.

I radically accepted it in the moment. It was probably not what he expected, although he had done his research online and knew he was to be prepared to expect anything - and I have to say, that's good advice because we can't control other humans and we certainly can't pretend to know how they'll react. It was a bit shocking that he had already processed a lot of the details of it all. But, I guess, emotionally, I was prepared enough since I was the one who brought it up and allowed him to consider it.

00:12:10

Part of me was like, okay, I'm not crazy, he wasn't happy and I gave him the opportunity to be free and that felt good that I was able to do that for him - for both of us. Another part of me went into ' okay, what do we need to do mode,' - which I do that mode pretty well, [giggle] and then the last part of me was relieved - relieved that, again, I wasn't crazy. I - I felt his unhappiness around the house, and that maybe things will be more peaceful for both of us. And in the end we both deserve a relationship - should we choose to be in one in the future - that is supportive, loving and lifts us up.

ooooh kay - so there are a whole bunch of details and things that aren't really anyone's business that I'm not going to get into but all I can say is that while some things suck, and while I'm still trying to navigate a ton of things with the change, on the whole, the transition has been really good. The scariest part for me has been the financials as he's been the breadwinner since my daughter was born. Am I going to be okay? Of course. Is can be scary day to day, and that is where I work on my presence and not letting the doom possibilities to creep in. Although, as you probably know, some days that is easier than others.

I do want to share with you a handful of things that have helped me navigate the transition well.

00:13:31

  1. First, and most important, is Conscious Effective Olympian (C.E.O.) work - I have to say the work I've done over the last few years in clearing my thought-deliveries, discovering my own internal GPS, using it for guidance, in focusing on presence, and radical acceptance of what is was a the most important part of the, so far, fairly successful navigation of this transition.

There was a lot in what I just said, so feel free to listen to that again.

  1. Second: Therapy - I got a therapist! Someone who doesn't know me. Doesn't know my husband. Doesn't know my friends and family. And having that safe space to hear myself talk and process and remind me that I'm powerful and amazing and that things that I have been labeling one way might actually be something else - this has all been incredibly helpful. I recommend it to everyone - and as a coach, of course I do. Seriously, though, whether it is a coach or therapist - if you are navigating all of this, I hope you have a safe space to process things. If you can't afford it, try my next thing which I did a ton before I started therapy.
  2. And that's number three: Nature, nature and more nature. Just get out in Nature. A lot. As much as you can. It was my lifeline. I'm sorry if this is a bit too woo for you but I really feel a person's energy and the energy in our household wasn't great over the last year or so. I don't always know where energy that drains me comes from, but I feel it and it impacts me. And I need to escape the energy drain to ground myself. Getting out in nature does that for me. I walked sooo much just after we moved here and before my husband and I had our final discussion... and if you have been listening or following me on the socials for a while, I've been sharing my nature walks with you. I can't say enough about getting outside and experiencing it all with all of your available senses. Combine that with a piece of paper and pencil or journal to process what comes up while you're outside and you may gain insights that surprise you - I know I did! I actually keep a pen and piece of paper in my walking vest.
  3. Number four: move things. Physically move things. This is for those of you who are staying in the house that you lived in together with your partner. If you have a spare room, maybe consider moving into that one, or change your furniture layout completely, and don't be afraid to move things around the house to make it feel like it's different - or new - or just yours. This is boots-on-the-ground tactical help that I found by accident, and it helped me separate myself from the relationship while still living where the relationship existed. My daughter and I started with the living room and decorated it in a fun bug theme (really cute bugs) and then we added things that make us happy and smile - that are ours. We did it on a budget - and used Facebook marketplace and Goodwill for much of it.

00:16:44

And one of the best things I've done - I kind of wish I did it sooner is that my daughter and I switched bedrooms. It really isn't easy living where you lived with your partner (and we weren't even in this space together long) but with all [of] their things, the way furniture was setup and more, it makes it difficult to move past things on the daily when there are constant reminders. I certainly don't want to negate our history together and our marriage, but I prefer to have moments where I choose to have the reminders rather than having them forced upon me minute upon minute upon hour upon day - well, you get the idea.

ANYWAY, giving my daughter the master bedroom with on-suite bathroom may seem wild to some people and while we did it initially because her room is warm, mine was cold and we both would prefer heat-wise to be in opposite rooms, the switch made sense us. But, ultimately, the change has been so good for me, mentally. It is fully my space. It's cozy. I got a new mattress - thanks again, Helix, got new bedding and am really making it my own.

My husband is in his new space- and I feel like I have my new cozy space here. I love it and it has been one of the best things for my mental health. I feel like I have a new home without having a new home, if that makes sense. Do you have to do this? Of course not but I would definitely consider something like this if you are having trouble living in the space you were in with your partner and can't move.

One day I'll get to the boxes and photos and all that - one day.

00:18:15

  1. My final tip for this transition is YNAB - I can't praise YNAB enough. I remember a friend telling me about YNAB - it stands for You Need a Budget - years ago she told me and I have had it on my radar for this entire time. Hubby wasn't sold on it when I mentioned it a while back, so, literally days after the divorce discussion I purchased my YNAB subscription.

How funny is that?

And within another day, I had gone through all of my finances, decided how much I was going to have to earmark to live off of while we transitioned all the things over the next few months. This has been life-changing for me. I could honestly talk about YNAB for three full episodes but I'll spare you. [giggle] YNAB if you ever listen and want to talk sponsorship, I'm a HUGE fan - consider me!

Anyway, and if you, my listener, have never heard of YNAB, You Need a Budget, please check it out - divorce, married, single, whatever your status - my ADHD brain loves it so much and I even gifted a subscription to my daughter who already has enjoyed the value of it.

Seriously, finances are a HUGE thing with a divorce - I mean, I guess if you have millions, maybe not, but, yeah, umm, if you can't tell...that isn't me. [giggle] Just in case you had any remaining doubt. [giggle]

00:19:42

[music interlude]

Wow, this was a lot. Long story short, life is too short to be in a relationship that doesn't serve you, or your partner well. Sunk costs are that - sunk - we can't get them back: time in a relationship, energy we put in, money spent, decisions made. We can't change that and when we use those to keep us trapped forward we are - trapped. There is a great (under 5 minute) video that explains sunk costs that I'll link it in the show notes - in case you need a refresher and to hear it explained well from someone else about multiple things.

A great way to proceed forward without focusing on the sunk costs is to imagine yourself being dropped into your life, right where you are now - without all of the invested time, money and energy - would you fight being dropped into your life where you are now, and if so, why? What is scary about it? What would you change? What is stopping you from changing it right now? or would you happily be dropped in and be ready to stay forever?

Honestly, it can be tough to consider this and it takes bravery for most of us.

Where am I now with it all? Well, after our initial divorce discussion, both of us went back and forth at some point on do we want to try this - nah, we don't - well, maybe... do we we did even a brief 'let's date period' too but in the end - the answer was no.

Where we are now is a fairly amicable divorce. Sure, there are things I miss, and there are a lot of things I really don't miss. Right now, my home is happy. There is laughter. I can be myself all of the time now, and I like myself. I am pretty freaking cool, but I'm also a lot for some people. And if that means I need to be alone, or with someone else who can handle my a lot-ness, I'm okay with that. I'm proud of who I am. Faults and all. And I certainly have faults, we all do. But I do love to learn, I love to level-up my life and myself, I love to laugh, I don't take life too seriously and I wanna to be at the end of my life knowing I lived it fully.

So where I am now is peaceful, excited to see what is ahead for me - that includes the tough moments as well as the beautiful moments.

And as for divorce, it is something I've experienced. It is not who I am, so I while I'm not going to hide it but I also am not going to rehash it over and over because, my friend, I have enjoying the journey and living life at the top of my to do list and that means moving forward.

00:22:23

[music]

Ask Coach Christine - N/A

This episode is going to be longer so I'm gonna cut a couple of segments, but I was recently asked on TikTok, "Do you have any advice for telling my parents that I use they/them pronouns now? I know it's a big change in how they'll see me."

I actually did two video responses for this one and I'll link both in my show notes.

The first one was congratulating the person asking for discovering who they are, finding pronouns that resonate with them, and having the courage to use the new pronouns, and I'm excited for them. My wish and hope is that their parents hold space for them, and are able to listen in a loving manner when they are told.

The second video was a hotline video for parents, and managed to fit my response into a one minute video - it's always fun when my alter ego, Sally, is able to jump in.

I hope these help and that the conversation goes well!

00:23:15

[quirky music under segment]

Christine? Christine? Christine, where are you?

You can find me on two recent podcast interviews and I have two more scheduled this week!

First up is episode 8 of The Pursuit of Evolution podcast hosted by TEDx speaker and resilience educator, Casey Jourdan. Casey and I chat about my daughter heading off to college early, the power of radical acceptance, I talk a bit about my marriage separation and what life is like now with my daughter back home. And I love what Casey shares about her return home from her time in the military at a young age, as well as how her relationship with her mother changed after her parents' divorce.

Next up is episode 82 of the Mama Mindset podcast hosted by Amy Cothren, another incredible woman. Amy's a stay at home mom to three girls. Amy's crushing podcasting and giving so much of herself to lift up other stay at home mothers. She wanted to know how to prepare for the empty nest when our kids are young. We talk about homeschooling my daughter, how I entered the empty nest, steps to take at any point in parenting to prepare (or try to prepare) for the empty nest years, dealing with our parents' empty nesting, and Amy's red tape - that is worth the listen! And wow, can Amy assemble great promo materials for her guests - seriously, she tagged me in some amazing videos - thank you, Amy!

00:24:45

Let’s find the funny!

[giggles from others]

If you know me at all, you know I love to laugh. Humor is therapy for me and yes, while, I'm related to one of the co-hosts, wow, the Wonka Watch podcast has me laughing out loud in every episode at least once or twice if not a ton more. And the funny part is I've usually heard most of it before it's live - yet it continues to make me laugh. So, if you don't mind raw humor with cursing, and want to listen to two of the most creative and the funniest humans I know talk about Willy Wonka - check it out.

00:24:31

Two Questions for You

Question 1:  How do you feel about divorce - in your life and in the lives of others?

and Question 2:  What area of your life do you need to take a closer look at?

Wrap-up

As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.

My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.

If you enjoy this episode please don’t forget to share it with others, it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. And of course, follow the show in your favorite podcast player!

As always, you'll find a ton of information, resources and more on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com. A special thanks to SupaPass, my current employer and what powers our GPS Support Flock Community - you can join today while I prepare for it's official launch in 2022!

I’ll be back with a new episode in a couple of weeks or so - it will be another affirmation episode, like my last one. I haven't yet decided on the topic, so let me know if you have a request.

My beautiful friend, life likes to keep us guessing, doesn't it? Enjoying the journey - filling your life with peace is possible even when life throws you a curveball or two - or ten. You can handle it all I have absolutely no doubt! Don't forget it, and as always, never forget that you are amazing.

Chat next time!

[end music]

[00:26:53]

[bloopers]

00:27:11

Are you still listening?

Take a deep breath in, my friend. Let the air out. Take another deep breath in and as you breathe in imagine positive energy, good thought-deliveries and peace filling you from head to toe. Imagine they push aside negative thoughts and energy and force them to escape with your next breath out. Repeat this as necessary.

[end music]

[end]

Posted on

153: Listen to this episode when the holidays are approaching 💚

153: Empty Nest Help - Listen to this episode when the holidays are approaching 💚

Original Posting Date: November 2021

Hello, my amazing friend. 👋

Thanks for stopping by!

I'd love to know if you find this episode helpful in any way. 

Looking for the printable transcript? Click here for holiday empty nest help.

 

Holiday Topics Included

  • Your adult/emerging adult child is home for the holidays

  • Your family stresses you out

  • You are alone

  • Dealing with parental guilt

  • Mourning a loved one

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"My amazing friend, I'm not here to become your guru or advice provider. Nah, that's way too much pressure for me, to be honest. I'm here to guide you on a path to discover how to use you as your own internal GPS, and I'll cheer you all along the way."

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

Listen to @emptynestcoach 's 🎙podcast episode: Listen to this episode when the holidays are approaching  💚 #collegeparents #life #emptynestsuccess #newepisode ▶

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Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:42  Podcast Intro
  • 01:10   Why am I creating these episodes? 
  • 03:23  How to use the GPS Reset exercises/affirmations
  • 05:13  The topic is holidays
  • 05:50  When your emerging adult child is home for the holidays
  • 08:30  When visiting family stresses you out 
  • 10:52   When you are alone during the holidays
  • 13:25    When you have parental holiday guilt
  • 16:56    When you are mourning a loved one

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Yes! Show Me My Options

The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 153

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Listen to this episode when the HOLIDAYS are approaching.

Hello, amazing human! This episode is a little different from my normal episode. It is something I have been wanting to do for a long time. I did these in Clubhouse when I was active there and titled them GPS Reset exercises. My tentative plan is to do one episode of these a month with supporting documents in our Empty Nest Success online space.

For those of you who are new here, I will include my normal intro- go ahead; for those of you who are used to it, tap that 30-second forward button and dive right in. You'll also find time markers to topic sections in the show notes - you may need to tap details or more (depending on what app you are using to listen) to view those. Thanks for listening. Here we go.

00:00:42

[up beat music]

This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter-ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.

00:01:10

Why am I making these episodes?

Well, that's a great question! I've had people reach out to me through social direct messages, emails, and sometimes voice messages - in those messages they share with me that while they are doing their thing: walking, doing chores, having conversations in their head - you know, living their life, they'll hear my voice in their head saying something they've heard me say on the podcast. And sometimes, that allows them to reframe the situation they're in.

For those of you who this is true for - or for who it may become true for, I want to assist a bit more by creating some affirmations and positive thoughts - these GPS Resets - for key moments in your life. These are events that might lead you to sit back and allow your protector to take over and run your life. Your protector (or what some view as our ego) does this because they take their job seriously, and they want to - protect you - but when they take over, we, as humans, never get to consider other possibilities in life. We are limited in how we experience moments, and our true selves continue to hide away -missing yet another opportunity to live life, figure out who we are, and to grow - missing out on allowing our own internal GPS to build strength.

Sure, doing this work may mean we experience moments that are incredibly raw and filled with emotion - trust me - I've been experiencing a ton of this myself over the last few years - and especially this year. It is, after all, MUCH easier to allow our protector to- protect us. It's easier to walk through life on auto-pilot.

00:02:50

Here's the thing. It is your life.

You get to choose how to proceed. It doesn't matter to me one way or the other what you choose to do - I'd love to see you choose you - but ultimately, it's all you to decide, my amazing friend.

Ask yourself, do I want to sleepwalk through life, or do I want to consciously wake up and begin - or continue to - consider the thoughts in my mind?

All of these things are why I am creating these episodes. To begin you on your journey of considering your thoughts.

00:03:23

[computer game level-up music (short)]

My amazing friend, I'm not here to become your guru or advice provider. Nah, that's way too much pressure for me, to be honest. I'm here to guide you on a path to discover how to use you as your own internal GPS, and I'll cheer you all along the way.

And with that in mind, what is even more powerful than hearing MY voice in your mind, is to hear YOUR voice in your mind.

If you are short on time, and one of these affirmations really resonates with you, use them as is. However, if you're ready for the next step, I encourage you to pop over to our Empty Nest Success online space, where you will find a PDF of the full transcript of this episode. Download it , copy the text that works for you, modify it, adjust words that don't resonate with you, and replace them with better ones - ones that work for you! Be genuine to you; imagine your future self talking to you now, and what would they want to say to you? When you have text that resonates with you, open your voice app on your phone, record it in your voice - title it appropriately so you can find it quickly and get listening.

If you are like me - I have an ADHD brain - it may take you a while to get used to remember you have it on your phone as an option, but one day you will remember... and then you'll find messages for all sorts of times that you can reference whenever you need them. You may even find yourself creating your own for times that you know you'll need them for.

May this encourage and inspire you going forward.

Thanks for listening, and thanks for gifting yourself with this - future you and I are cheering you on, my amazing friend - you're taking one more step toward becoming the Conscious Effective Olympian (the C.E.O.) of your life!

00:05:13

[computer game level-up music (short)]

HOLIDAYS

The focus for today's GPS Reset Exercises is HOLIDAYS. Initially, I was going to focus on Thanksgiving, but what I found in preparing this is that the general holiday season brings up similar themes for most of us.

I have five versions of this for you. In each version, I'm going to say them and then leave space for you to repeat what I say. That's how they're meant to be used. I covered the five first instances that came to my mind with my limited time available. Hopefully, if your holiday status isn't covered, this will inspire you to make your own version. Check my show notes to jump to the title that resonates with you, or enjoy them all.

00:05:50

[computer game level-up music (short)]

This GPS Reset Exercise is for when your Adult/Emerging Adult Children are Home for the Holidays

With the holidays ahead, I know the energy in my home is about to change as my children return home. I gift myself with patience as I navigate the emotions that arise in me. I gift my children with love, love, and more love. I take a deep breath in and out and let go of the roles we have filled in the past. I take another deep breath in and out and consider the opportunity I have to get to know my child(ren) all over again. Releasing past experiences, releasing future expectations, [and] Setting loving boundaries ahead of time, if needed. Lovingly communicating with my adult child and understanding that I can fill a new role of support going forward: the safe space, the listener, and the cheerleader - even when they share dreams and goals that scare me. I gift myself now with time to consider how I would like to proceed in our relationship first letting go of all past and prior expectations. I am an amazing human. I am worth gifting myself this time now to discover how I would like to change things in the future. Be it my relationship with my children and, more importantly, with myself. I will embrace the chaos when it happens, laugh when I can, cry when I need to, and everything in between. I am worth this time. I am worth this work. I am an amazing human ready to embrace the holidays.

00:08:30

[computer game level-up music (short)]

This GPS Reset Exercise is for when Visiting family that stresses you out.

With the holidays ahead, there is an expectation that I will spend time with my family. Some of my family members drain my energy. I take a deep breath in and out as I consider who just came to mind. I take another deep breath in and out and consider: do I HAVE to spend time with them over the holidays? - Knowing the answer may surprise me. I gift myself with time now to consider ways to navigate holiday time with them I consider loving boundary statements to have on hand should I need to gift myself with time away from them. I am doing the work to discover who I am, and as I do that, it sometimes makes it evident who I need space from in order to take care of myself. I am worth that. I need to protect myself and my family; I deserve the gift. No one will do it for me, but I can do it for myself. I will remember that one small change in this area is a HUGE change for me, and I will be patient as I begin to protect my energy. I am an amazing human. I am worth this uncomfortable work, and I'm ready to embrace the holidays with love, boundaries, and a dash of humor.

00:10:52

[computer game level-up music (short)]

This GPS Reset Exercise is for when you are Alone During the Holidays

With the holidays ahead, there is a societal expectation that I will spend time with family and friends. As of right now, I have no plans. I take a deep breath in and a deep breath out as I consider what I am making this mean. I take another deep breath in and a deep breath out to consider if I want to be alone or not. I take another deep breath; in let it out to consider if the answer is no; I will consider all of the ways I could not be alone and virtual meetings count!

When I am happy being alone, I give myself permission to enjoy the quiet. When I'd rather not be alone, I provide a safe space to myself to consider out-of-the-box ideas on how to share my life with others. I deserve time to rest; I deserve time to rejuvenate myself. I am patient with myself as I figure out what I want this holiday and for future holidays. Being alone, I have the opportunity to break traditions and make my own. I will embrace the things that bring me joy. I will do things on this day that make me feel rested, peaceful and seek out some laughter. I will feel my emotions knowing I am strong enough to process through them. I am an amazing human, whether I'm in a room full of people or whether I'm by myself.

00:13:25

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This GPS Reset Exercise is for Holiday Parental Guilt

With the holidays ahead, I gift myself with focusing on my own family. I take the time to release comparisons that my mind likes to do with others who I might believe are "doing it better," whatever that means. I take a deep breath in, let it out ,and release any ideas of what others do. I take another deep breath in, and out, as I release any thoughts that I may be "less than" in my role as a parent. With one more deep breath in and out I release expectations that I have for myself that haven't been placed there from a source of love and understanding of my life, abilities, and financial status.

I am an amazing human who has done the best I could in every moment. I remind myself that hindsight is 2020 that I can't change the past, but I can be ever-present in the present, and there is no greater gift to give my child than being a safe space for them than being a good listener and cheering them on I gift myself with removing any assumptions I have about them I will remind myself that my children have their own struggles their own dreams their own emotions and that those may be vastly different from mine That doesn't make theirs wrong or mine wrong. I will gift myself in noticing my thoughts about them, and about myself. I will choose thoughts that bring me peace. I will remember to be the best me that I can be in every moment that is all anyone can ask of me, and I'm freaking amazing anyway, so I'm going to be my best amazing self this holiday that I can be in each and every moment knowing that my best self is different moment to moment and that, is an incredible gift I can give to me, and when I take care of myself my children will learn to honor their amazing self. I'm ready for this holiday, and I'm going to enjoy each moment.

00:16:56

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This GPS Reset Exercise is for Holidays While Mourning A Loved One

I am here in this moment, right now. I have had a lot to process over the last year or years, and I know that the holidays will bring up emotions of my loved ones that aren't here with me. I give myself extreme permission to feel those emotions. I also give myself extreme permission to feel opposing emotions. I remind myself that it is perfectly fine for me to feel peaceful. It is more than okay for me to laugh, and, yes, I can have happiness while I continue to mourn.

I will cherish memories; I will make new ones. I remind myself that the new memories do not erase past memories. They are simply new memories. I will take deep breaths in and out as I navigate the holiday ahead without my loved one. I miss them. And that is okay. I wish they were here. And that is okay. I will notice my thoughts, process my emotions and then pull myself into the present - where I am now. I will notice things I didn't notice before. I will look for beauty everywhere, and I will fiercely love myself in every moment. I will enjoy time I have with those I have the honor to spend time with. Most of all, I will gift myself with tremendous love and patience. I will gift myself with discovering what I need - whether it is to be in a room full of people or to spend some time alone. There is no right or wrong answer - there is what I need. I gift myself with that, and I remember through it all that I am freaking amazing.

That's all I have for today. Remember, make these your own. Take what resonates, and leave the rest. Modify them - record it for yourself.

[up beat music]

You have an amazing tool, friend - it is your powerful mind - and I encourage you to use it for you rather than against you. You've got this, and have a wonderful, peaceful, thought-conscious-filled season. You are amazing!

You are amazing!

[End]