159: Empty Nest Success When You’re Self Conscious about Going Gray, Would You Try a Rage Room and a Giveaway 💚

159: Empty Nest Success When You're Self Conscious about Going Gray, Would You Try a Rage Room and a Giveaway 💚

Podcast episode artwork is of where I recorded much of this episode - in my van!

Hello, my amazing friend. 👋

This episode is packed full of content. Enjoy!📦

As always, I'm cheering you on! 🎉

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"My wish for you today is that you already understand - or are beginning to uncover - who you are and that you fully grasp and know in your soul that you are here for a reason."

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

🔽 More goodies below, too! Scroll down 🔽 , so you don't miss anything! 🔽 🔽 🔽 

Empty Nest Success When You're Self Conscious about Going Gray, Would You Try a Rage Room, a Giveaway & More: episode 159 of the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast  #emptynest #life #emptynestsuccess #goinggray #naturelessons

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This Episode is Brought To You By

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:00 Podcast intro
  • 01:14  Quick Reminders
  • 02:11  My Wish For You Today - Adjusting to Your Child Heading to College 
  • 02:59  New Things: Minimalistic Todo List
  • 03:57  My Lessons Learned: Finding Who You Are Through The Fog
  • 07:31  Ask Coach Christine: I'm Self-Conscious About Going Gray
  • 10:26  Christine, Where Are You? PractiMama Podcast & a TikTok Giveaway
  • 11:45  Celebrating You and Your Wins - so many! 🎉
  • 13:25  What's In Your Life's Toolbox? A Rage Room! 
  • 14:53  Let's Find the Funny - Going Gray Silliness
  • 16:45  What I Wish My Parents Knew - "Just Wait Until You Are Older"
  • 18:30  Two Questions For You
  • bloopers 😆
  • 20:29 Still listening? 

Episode Questions For You To Consider

  1. Are you able to identify thoughts that don’t serve you, throughout the day?
  2. Have you been to or would you go to a rage room?

Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 1-920-LIFEWIN (1-920-543-3946). 📞

Legal disclaimer: Listening to this podcast doesn't make Christine your official coach, and this podcast is not meant to replace your doctor or therapist. Curious? Click here for the deets!

Episode Resources

First time here? Try these episodes & resources:

For those who are freaking out about the empty nest years. It is time to make the rest of your life the best of your life!

Subscribe To This Podcast

It is FREE!

Want to get notified of new episodes directly on your phone? Subscribe to this podcast using your favorite app!

The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 159

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #159. If this isn't your first time listening and you want to skip the introduction portion feel free to tap forward a couple of times. In this podcast, I focus on helping parents who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though, all are welcome here, as I’m all about coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up

[level-up music]

your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.

I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. 

[up beat music]

00:00:46

This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.

00:1:14

Before we dive in - a tiny bit of housekeeping and I’m going to see how fast I can share these with you -

First, you’ll find time markers in this episode’s full show notes, if you are looking for something specific or would like to hop around.

Second, you’ll find a ton of information, resources and more on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com or EmptyNestSuccess.com.

Reminder #3 If you enjoy this podcast, don’t forget to follow it in your favorite podcast player - or register for a free account in the empty nest success home. You may also join my Thursday Thoughts about email list where I’ll pop in your inbox with a thought and updates on most Thursdays. Those are the best ways to be notified when I release a new episode.

➡️And finally, a special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass. SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. Register today for that free account I mentioned - you’ll find it at EmptyNestSuccess.com - where you may also support this podcast, join the C.E.O. training team, or purchase other premium content.

00:02:11

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Wish for You Today

If you are in the midst of adjusting to having your kiddo - or children (plural) now living outside of your home - be it temporary or permanent, I want to encourage you to be patient with yourself, feel the emotions, take deep breaths, whatever you experience is yours to experience,  and it doesn’t need to be the same as your friend’s experience. Be you and be IN your experience. I have many episodes, resources and videos on the socials about the adjustment. If you are looking for anything in particular, just let me know! And, I’m cheering you on!

Now, My wish for you today is that you already understand or are beginning to uncover who you are and that you fully grasp and know in your soul that you are here for a reason.

00:02:59

[computer game level up music (short)]

New Things. New Things. New Things!

I’m a minimalist at heart - if you’ve been listening a while, you already know that. And yes, while that applies to the physical things, I’ve been focused over the last month on what do I really have to do today? And the answer is always a lot less than my super long to do list is telling me to do. As I focus on being inspired into creation rather than motivated because I have to do a thing, life has become even more fun - even while finding plumbing leaks, having a new role at my day job, car not starting, and my daughter navigating her chronic illness. Just when I think I know the must-dos for the day, something happens and reframes it all again. And reminds me that I can shorten the list - again - because that list isn’t going anywhere.

00:03:47

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Lessons Learned

[inspirational music plays under this segment]

You may already know how much I love nature, and especially early mornings in nature. My most recent hang out early in the morning is a local park that has a lake. A few weeks ago, there was an incredible amount of fog. So much fog that you could barely see the lake. It made me think about the empty nest transition - whether you are going through it with a partner or solo, it doesn’t matter. There is an adjustment to discovering who you are going forward - almost as if discovering a new identity. For many of us, we’ve never really gone past the fog to discover who we are. I thought I’d share the lesson I gained by looking at the fog that particular day and it was a way to look at the phases of self-discovery. 

Phase 1 - we are going through life surrounded by fog - meaning mostly going through the motions: doing what we have to do, what we’ve always done, it kind of feels like life, we say we are living, but we are so used to the fog, we aren’t even aware of it. It has become normal. Others may call this sleepwalking through life, or in the matrix, or unconsciously living.

Phase 2: The fog starts to clear  - this is when you notice you are IN a fog, that there might be more outside of the fog and you take some careful movements forward. You realize you’ve been going through the motions, and you consider: is there more than this? There might be. There might not be. And you begin to ask yourself questions such as “Do I want more than this? Is this who I am? Who am I?” and more. 

In Phase 3,  you can see a big lake, as you look closer, with a reflection in it - and when seeing the reflection you scan to see where the water creates a line - a border - between land and air, but actually, it is blurring together making it difficult to determine. As with all of these phases, you wiggle a bit back and forth on whether or not you wanna keep on discovering, it is after all, all new and can feel scary and unclear. 

Phase 4 is when you walk close enough to see your reflection in the water. You have to be so close to the water to see your reflection. The water is still and you take in the image as if you’ve never seen it before. Who is this person? Do I prefer the fog-filled auto-pilot life better? I might.

You keep going and reach phase 5: It dawns on you how unreal that image of you in the water is and you see that you are in a body that houses your thoughts, your emotions, your trauma, your love, your fears, YOU. And while others have been helpful and supportive, or may guide you on this path of self-discovery, the one who has the most to lose and gain is ultimately YOU. Imagine picking up a smooth stone, and tossing it into the water - rippling away your reflection.

You take a deep breath and another and you feel how your body exists in the world - how your feet touch the ground, how you stand in your physicality. You turn away from the fog and lake and know that while you aren’t sure who you are going to find, you can’t wait to be more of YOU and less of what the world has told you you need to be - as a child, as a parent, as a co-worker, as a friend. You feel empowered, scared, peaceful, excited, thrilled all at once but you know you have felt your connection to your inner self - for just a moment, maybe, and you want more than that. Ultimately, you know the you of ten years from now is who you are honoring by continuing the discovery. After all, you and them, you’re both amazing!

00:07:31

[computer game level up music (short)]

Ask Coach Christine

Christine, do you have a way to be less self-conscious about my appearance as I grow out my gray, or grow my gray hair out? What’s the proper way to say that?

This was a specific question asked during one of our C.E.O. Training Team (to Empty Nest Success) Power Hours - we do those weekly on Mondays. I asked when the self-consciousness appeared for this person and there was a very specific example of being out the grocery store - someone seeing them with their hair growing out and the thoughts coming in.

And here are a few things to keep in mind.

First, the thoughts that are causing your self-consciousness about your hair are your thoughts. Ouch, right? Because unless you have some magical power that allows you to dive into their mind, you are only guessing what they are thinking. More than likely this happens in a split second and you may feel your body tense or stomach feel off before you even notice that your thoughts have gone to how embarrassed you are about your hair (and yes, you can apply this to anything - not just your hair).

Second, the moment you are able to notice your concern of what someone else thinks about you, you have made a step forward. Celebrate this! You have begun to make progress because now you have the opportunity to do one of a few things: a) change the thought you are having b) stop it completely by thinking about something else, or c) keep thinking about it over and over, and over, and over,and over, and over, and over again.

The third thing to keep in mind is if you notice something you’d like to create less resistance in your life for you, such as this, do some thought-work around it when you’re not out in public. There is this part of you that probably doesn’t love the way your hair looks. If you did, you wouldn’t care what anyone else thought. It would be like someone saying they really hate the dress that you’re wearing, and meanwhile you’re in a pantsuit.

You’re not there in your head, so it doesn’t bother you. You’re like, “err, they’re crazy, I don’t know what they’re thinking about.

That’s where we want you to get with your gray hair.

Ultimately, this though-processing is yours to do but it is fun to play with what-if statements so let’s try that: 

What if me growing out my gray hair represents me discovering who I am? What if I don’t care what anyone thinks about it? What future-me loves the results and is patiently waiting for the hair to grow? What if I find I don’t love it in the end and decide to color it again? What would I make that mean and what if I don’t make it mean anything other than I allowed myself this time of growth to be one that I tried something new? What if I love the results? What if I love the growing out process? What if I have fun with this? What if this process is one of peace and joy? What if?

So, those are some serious thoughts about it but we also then had an incredible amount of fun with it and I’m going to share that portion of my answer in the Find the Funny segment of this podcast episode.

00:10:26

[quirky music under segment]

Christine? Christine? Christine, where are you?

I was supposed to mention this ages ago but I believe I may have left it out of prior episodes, so better late than never! You’ll find me as a guest on the PractiMama Parenting podcast that was recorded also, ages ago, before my daughter had graduated from college, before my divorce, before my last name change - before the pandemic even. The PractiMama podcast, hosted by Lee Uehara is focused on mothers with younger children and I do love chatting to moms with younger children! The title of her episode is A Parenting Tip for Being Frustrated with Your Toddler - link will be in the show notes and the entire episode is under five minutes in length!

Also if you are listening to this episode within a week of its release, I have a giveaway currently going on, on TikTok to celebrate passing 10,000 followers. It’s hard to believe that many people have watched and decided to follow me at some point or the other. So, thank you if that’s you, or if that’s going to be you, I appreciate all of you: listeners of my podcast, followers on social media, and more. Look for the video that says Enter Now in the thumbnail to enter - I’ll be hiding that video once the giveaway ends. Good Luck! 

00:11:45

[computer game level up music (short)]

Celebrating you and your wins

Well, we have so much to celebrate this month from everyone. Super exciting!

Starting with TikTok shares, here we go:

HotFlashesAndCoolTopics: heading to 4th tennis clinic this week!

Bonnie Business Coach Frank: I took two weeks off work because my body was telling me that I needed a break. Entrepreneurs tend to be bad at self care and don’t stop working.  I can vouch for that!

Katie Robinson: I overcame a mental block and successfully did a flying sidekick over a stack of 4 targets in taekwondo for the first time in ages! For the past month every time I saw more than two targets stacked I would lose confidence and stutter-step instead of jumping over them, but no more!

Eyyy Its Tafen says im going back home in two day for a visit, ive been away for over a month now for college and i miss them

Yaggi Toshinori: I've been working on a drawing and I've improved much more than I thought I could!

Popping over to Instagram we have:

Okkilume: i finally made a decision to move where i truly want to live and quit my toxic workplace i'm still scared, but we're getting somewhere

Boneheaded_Alien says I’ve been consistently waking up before noon!

Skittelson135 says: i got the trash out on time!

Mannaquinskywalker06  : I’m closer to getting my permit than ever before

[cheers] 

I had so much fun gathering all of these together, reading them again and thinking of you all - thanks for sharing your wins with us.

If you want your win included next time, be sure to follow me on Instagram or TikTok and comment on the next Wednesday Win video that I post - be sure to add a microphone emoji so I know I have your permission to share your win with my listeners. Wins big and small we celebrate them all. I can’t wait to cheer you on!

00:13:25

[computer game level up music (short)]

What’s in your life’s toolbox?

Your C.E.O. Toolbox is the analogy we use here for items and resources that help you get through tough moments, enjoy the amazing moments and then also, do some deeper work, as needed. Your C.E.O. Toolbox is yours. It should have things that work for you, and you should take inventory from time to time, because sometimes the things that worked well for you two years ago aren’t doing it for you any longer. Today’s recommendation is a fun one if you have one near you.

What is it? Now, I haven’t done this one myself but one of my clients did and absolutely LOVED it. It’s the idea of a destruction room or rage room. While she didn’t go to a destruction room or rage room, she mimicked it in her house, in a way. I might have their particulars off a bit but I seem to remember mention of boxing gloves, loud music, a pillow or two to hit and a lot of yelling. The result felt so good for them that they shared it with us and said, “maybe I should find a rage room?  “Now, they were alone, yelled a lot, and was completely safe -  had planned it out, if you are curious.

 I looked at her and said, “this is a toolbox item for you,” and quite honestly now I’m curious about trying this.

So, my listener, I ask you today, have you ever been to a rage room, or given yourself the space to consciously destroy something in an effort to allow your body to release whatever it is holding on to?

00:14:53

Let’s find the funny!

[giggles from others]

I did promise you the funny version of our gray hair grow out conversation and that was when I asked them what they thought the other person was thinking, they shared. And, I said, “so to be clear, you think that this person who probably is in Wal-mart or CVS or wherever you are isn’t thinking about the 400 things in their life but they’re really thinking something like”…

What is going on with her hair?  She is really letting herself go. How could she leave the house like that and be seen in public? Doesn’t she know what hair dye is? I think this store needs to make an announcement. [noise] excuse us shoppers but we have an important announcement to make: we have a shopper who has decided to leave her house, drive here, and shop in the midst of “going gray” She’s in aisle 14 and we think you all should head over there to take a good, long, look. Be sure to make a face, to tell her it isn’t becoming and that she should go home. Thank you and have a nice day.

So, at this point we are giggling a bit but then we add… what we think is really on in their heads.

I don’t know what my wife meant by this on the list. What is the smell in this aisle. Oh, they changed the box color and I’m not sure which item is the one I usually buy now. I can’t believe I lost my phone today! Do I have the money to buy this? [sigh] I’m so exhausted. Oh,I just want to go home and sleep. Paper. Paper. Oh, can’t my children just stay close to the cart so I don’t have to worry about them getting trampled by other carts?Paper, paper, paper, all I need is paper. Don’t look at the other things. Paper, I need paper. Yes, there it is. Woo hoo! I’m outta here….

This all started from the mention of going gray and we end up belly laughing over the store announcements and what everyone’s thinking. So, I hope that next time you catch that pit in your stomach or tension over what someone else may be thinking of you, that you remember more than likely  they’re dealing with their own stuff.

00:16:45

[computer game level up music (short)]

What I Wish My Parents Knew

There is something that parents and grandparents say often - I’ve caught myself saying this - and I’ve heard multiple people complain about the impact of it. I’ve been on the receiving end of it, too.The statement is “just wait until you are older.” 

The statement sometimes is around good things. Other times, it’s around things such as how great the younger generation has it now. 

And what I’ve heard from the younger-set is that - and that I’ve experienced -  is that it isn’t a super supportive statement. It has made me consider other things I can say when I start to want to say this - when I hear the words forming in my mind…

Rather than saying “just wait until you are older, ” How about… 

  1. I prefer honesty. So I’d probably lean toward, “You know I was going to say, “just wait until you are older, but I realize that isn’t super helpful.”  - and then wait, see what comes out of it. 

or

  1. That sounds frustrating (or exciting) is that how it feels? 

or

  1. I remember feeling something like that in my life. I’m happy to share that if you think it is helpful, otherwise, I’m also happy to be a place for you to process your experience.

Or how about

  1. If it’s more serious - “That sounds serious. May I help in any way? I’m finding myself wanting to jump in and help.” 

Those are some ideas. 

Obviously, you can keep saying “Just wait until you are older,” you do you after all. It’s easy to fall into the trap to think you know how something is going to play out for someone but ultimately, we aren’t them. So removing some assumptions - no matter how well we know them - might be an interesting thing to try. As always, have fun with it! 

00:18:30

Two Questions for You

Question 1: Are you able to identify thoughts that don’t serve you, throughout the day?

and Question 2: Have you been to or would you go to a rage room?

As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.

My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.

If you enjoy this episode please don’t forget to share it with others, it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. Yes, all the goodies, links and resources are in my show notes. I’ll be back next month with a new episode.

My empty nest or future-empty nest friend, have some fun. Take some deep breaths, take some walks, and feel your inner you within your body - you might learn something and of course, remember that  YOU ARE AMAZING!

[end music] 

00:19:28

[bloopers]

00:20:29

Still Listening?

My new last name? It is now Oakfield. I am Christine Oakfield. I love it and am starting to get used to using it. Thanks for all the messages about my name change which I spoke about in my last episode.

[end music]

[end]

158: Empty Nest Success When The Path Becomes Clear & Guest LaTrina Rogers on What She Wishes Parents of College Students Knew 💚

158: Empty Nest Success - When The Path Becomes Clear & Guest LaTrina Rogers on What She Wishes Parents of College Students Knew 💚

Podcast episode artwork is a selfie on a sunrise walk. This is real life.

Hello, my amazing friend. 👋

Life will continue to test your thoughts about everything. Be cognizant of what is going on in your mind, as it is game-changing. 

As always, I'm cheering you on! 🎉

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"No one was ever in my way more than I allowed them to be AND no one was ever in my way more than I was."

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

🔽 More goodies below, too! Scroll down 🔽 , so you don't miss anything! 🔽 🔽 🔽 

"No one was ever in my way more than I allowed them to be AND no one was ever in my way more than I was." episode 158 of the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast  #emptynest #life #emptynestsuccess

Tweet about this

This Episode is Brought To You By

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:00 Podcast intro
  • 01:21 Roe versus Wade
  • 02:22 Quick Reminders
  • 03:30 My Wish For You Today 
  • 04:02  New Things: Patron Membership & Curated Episodes
  • 04:46 My Lessons Learned: Sometimes things get easier the more you embrace them - my name change
  • 11:52 Ask Coach Christine: I'm feeling good about the empty nest ahead
  • 12:57 What's In Your Life's Toolbox? Try Something New
  • 14:27 Guest LaTrina Rogers shares what she wishes parents knew
  • 17:44 Two Questions For You
  • bloopers 😆
  • 19:02 Still listening? 

Episode Questions For You To Consider

  1. Are you able to identify thoughts that don’t serve you throughout the day?
  2. Is there something you’ve been wanting to try?

Episode Resources

Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 1-920-LIFEWIN (1-920-543-3946). 📞

Legal disclaimer: Listening to this podcast doesn't make Christine your official coach, and this podcast is not meant to replace your doctor or therapist. Curious? Click here for the deets!

First time here? Try these episodes & resources:

LaTrina Rogers, M.S. Ed: Website | Links | TikTok

LaTrina Rogers, M.S. Ed. is the Director of Residential Life at Ranken Technical College in St. Louis, MO. Driven by a passion for student success, she assists college students to find their voice for self advocacy and implement responsibility and independence while living on campus. A Student Affairs Professional with 19 years experience in higher education, LaTrina has worked in a variety of roles including Admissions, Academic Advising, Veterans Advising and currently Residence Life.

Her goal to encourage student independence led to the creation of her brand “The Dorm Mom”. LaTrina’s brand has launched with the goal of coaching parents to transition from leading their students to supporting them as they embark on independence while experiencing student housing on their college campus. She also writes for CollegiateParent a magazine and website for parents preparing their students to attend college.

Dedicated to encouraging and helping others, LaTrina serves the community with several organizations. She serves on the Board of Directors of Valeda’s Hope, a community support breast cancer organization. As the President of the Board of Advisors for The Hurston & Hughes Literary Circle, LaTrina supports the literary exposure to students of authors of the Black and Brown diaspora. LaTrina also served the American Heart Association in St. Louis over 15 years as a volunteer with the Multicultural Committee (Chair 2012-2014) and winner of the Community Impact Award. She is also a member of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc.which serves the community based on its founding principles of Scholarship, Service, Sisterhood, and Finer Womanhood.

For those who are freaking out about the empty nest years. It is time to make the rest of your life the best of your life!

Subscribe To This Podcast

It is FREE!

Want to get notified of new episodes directly on your phone? Subscribe to this podcast using your favorite app!

The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 158

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #158. If this isn't your first time listening and you want to skip the introduction portion feel free to tap forward a couple of times. In this podcast, I focus on helping parents who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though, all are welcome here, as I’m all about coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up

[level-up music]

your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.

I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. Here we go…

[up beat music]

00:00:53

This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.

00:1:22

Before we dive in, this is the first episode I have released since the June 24th Supreme Court decision to overturn Roe versus Wade, and I’d like to take a moment to address it. No, I don’t always share things like this here but this one, my inner guidance wouldn’t let go of. The Supreme Court’s decision stripped away the legal right to have a safe and legal abortion for all Americans by leaving this decision up to the states. Restricting access to comprehensive reproductive care, including abortion, threatens the health and independence of all Americans impacting us, our children and generations to come. This decision could also lead to the loss of other rights. To learn more about what you can do to help, visit podvoices.help you’ll find ways to get involved and other resources there. I encourage you to take care, speak up, and spread the word all from a place of love.

00:2:22

[jingle]

And now for the usual quick reminders:

First, you’ll find time markers in this episode’s full show notes, if you are looking for something specific or would like to hop around.

Second, you’ll find a ton of information, resources and more on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com or EmptyNestSuccess.com.

Reminder #3 If you enjoy this podcast, don’t forget to follow it in your favorite podcast player - or register for a free account in the empty nest success home. You may also join my Thursday Thoughts about email list where I’ll pop in your inbox with a thought and updates on most Thursdays. Those are the best ways to be notified when I release a new episode.

And finally, a special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass. SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. Register today for that free account I mentioned - you’ll find it at EmptyNestSuccess.com - where you may also join the C.E.O. training team, or purchase other premium content.

00:03:30

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Wish for You Today

My wish for you today is that you are able to see and believe in an exciting future ahead, by allowing yourself permission to become YOU - to see opportunities you might normally miss.

If you are intrigued and want to dive a bit deeper into this topic, I have a short “What if” affirmation and worksheet related to this topic titled (Open Eyes - Empty Nest Success) available for you - see the show notes!

00:04:02

[computer game level up music (short)]

New Things. New Things. New Things!

I added a membership option in the Empty Nest Success community. I’ll be breaking all future podcast episodes and the back catalogue, as I have time - into segments to make topics easier to find! Become a Your Empty Nest Coach podcast patron for access and a few other goodies including a podcast shout-out are included- join today for only $5/month!

Another new thing is you’ll find the podcast episodes that are parts of a series - curated now also in the Empty Nest Success community. Curated topics include - Empty Nest Syndrome, Empty Nest Prep, The C.E.O. of Your Life concepts, and more!

00:04:46

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Lessons Learned

Sometimes things get easier the more you embrace them. Have you ever noticed that?

About six months ago, I said to myself, “What if I don’t keep my married last name?” I gave it some thought, and quickly poo-pooed the idea. Yeah, I said poo-poo.

A bit later, it popped in my mind again, at that time, I did a little online research and once I saw how much work is involved and that it could impact my credit score, I stopped considering it again. After all, I thought to myself, “Christine, it has already been a busy year, do we really need to add ANYTHING else into the mix?”

So, I let it go again.

Again, it came up and I couldn’t shake it… by now, though, I began to consider, “Okay, what would I change my name to?” And then it took courage to say what I was thinking out loud to someone - that I’m thinking about completely changing my current last name - I believe my daughter heard it first. Honestly, she was way more supportive than she needed to be but she’s also one of the most practical humans I know and someone who is extremely aware that her mother changing her name isn’t about her it is for her mother. - Yeah, I feel like I should wipe away the tears now.

I still wasn’t ready to commit to the change but began floating the idea a bit more as the weeks progressed. Even mentioned it to some others - who had a bit more push back on the topic - especially since I was planning on going with a brand new last name.

There was a lot of back and forth for me on the topic and then finally one day I woke up and thought, ”Yes, I’m gonna do it. I’m ready to put the finances behind it and do the paper work - ohhhhh the paperwork.

Then the waiting: Who do I tell? Anyone? Everyone? Does anyone want to be there with me at my court hearing? Should I ask anyone? Should I do it alone?

The last time I changed my name, there was a really big ceremony and party. And this time… what do I do?

Whoo. After working through my own thoughts and desires, navigating comfortably (though sometimes not so well) around other people’s reactions, getting fingerprinted, the criminal check, the searches on the name, two counties to go process it all through since I had recently moved, public notices in papers and many phone calls. Way too many phone calls, but the day finally arrives.

I head to my morning appointments to pick up final paperwork. Super easy - and the friendliest of people everywhere. I had a few hours before the hearing, so I treated myself to a lovely meal in one of my favorite lunch spots, I arrived super early and had this moment where I was the only one in this huge stone hallway of the courthouse. Big, wide, sterile feeling - a lot of marble and grey, if you can picture it. The kind where if you walk with heels - you hear the echo for seconds.

No one was there.

And in that moment, it hit me how clear the rest of my path was to get this done. No one was going to oppose the change. No one was ever in my way any more than I allowed them to be. I did this for me but I had to decide it was worth the joyous investment of my time to make this huge - and it is HUGE - change.

There I am: sitting in the hallway, processing all of this - thinking it would make a great episode.

And just as I was thinking about “if I could have anyone here with me, who WOULD it be?” At that moment, I heard the sound of a group of people chatting enter the hallway and head towards me. All to the courtroom I’m assigned to. All name changes. Every single person there with me in that moment understood the impact. Understood the paperwork, the emotions and the change. They were exactly who I needed with me. For an hour or so, we were all family. It was beautiful. All of us were changing our names for different reasons. All of us were nervous, and excited at the same time. We waited together, extended encouragement and celebratory words when the judge agreed to sign the court orders. I cried tears of joy for the others much easier than for me because when it was my turn I was in work mode. But it was amazing, and fantastic and lovely.

Just as you reach a destination in your life, understanding it’s only the beginning of what is next makes it fun.

Two days later I spent the day at the social security office, the DMV, notaries and more. All went so much better than expected. Despite being told by three people that day, that the DMV wasn’t gonna to give me a new license without x, y, and z.

And what is the lesson I learned? I already kind of said it with:

“No one was ever in my way any more than I allowed them to be.”

I’ll adjust that statement to:

No one was ever in my way more than I allowed them to be AND no one was ever in my way more than I was.

And how can we apply this to the empty nest?

Well, we often get in our own way with our thoughts. We spend hours and hours of time “worried and concerned for our kids, for our future, about choices and more” time that we could be focused instead on the things that bring us joy. After all, when is the last time you saw worry and concern, actually fix a problem? Think about it. Worry and concern: they mostly just seem to stir a pot of drama but there are some who do love the drama. If you aren’t one those humans, pay attention to your thoughts and where they are throughout the day - you’ll catch them in the strangest of places.

And when you do catch them, don’t add to the drama by being upset that you had the thought in the first place, or that you spent so much time thinking about it. Instead, try being thankful that you caught the thought before it spiraled. Be thankful that you have the opportunity to change it to a thought that allows you to feel better.

And the more thoughts you change, the clearer your path will become.

It’s all you, after all. You’ve got this and I’m cheering you on!

00:11:52

[computer game level up music (short)]

Ask Coach Christine

Christine, my kiddo is heading off to college in the fall. I am excited for them. People keep telling me, though, “just you wait - you are going to be a mess.” I’m not seeing it. Should I be concerned?

Simply? Nope.

If you need a little more, here you go: If you feel good right now, stay there! You may feel perfectly fine - even wonderful - through the transition and the empty nest years - or, it might hit you all of the sudden. Either way, your journey is YOUR journey. There is no right or wrong. There is, however, NOW. Now, this moment, this is all you do know for sure, so if you feel good now. Embrace it. Lean into it and let others spin their tales about how you might feel. That is their story to tell but for now, you are exactly where you need to be! Enjoy it!

00:12:57

[computer game level up music (short)]

What’s in your life’s toolbox?

Your C.E.O. Toolbox is the analogy we use for items and resources that help you get through tough moments, enjoy the amazing moments and then also, do some deeper work, as needed. Today’s recommendation is a fun one and one that would be a top-of-the-toolbox item - it isn’t deeper level work - but it could turn into that, for sure.

What is it? It’ s to sign up for something you wouldn’t normally sign up for - something that maybe you needed to do a double-take when you read it or heard about it, or something that is a bit challenging but also something that you could imagine a version of yourself doing. It could be virtual or in-person. It could be something you pay for or something that’s free. Maybe it’s not an event but it’s reading a genre of book that you wouldn’t normally read. It really can be anything. Something that’s a stretch for you but also do-able.

For some of you, a warning, the goal is NOT to set out to become an expert. The goal is to see if you like it - and also what can you learn about yourself by trying it? Learning what motivates you - and what doesn’t. Learning what you enjoy doing - and what you don’t enjoy doing is incredibly valuable - it’s more information for that toolbox of yours!

I’d love to know what you try!

00:14:27

[computer game level up music (short)]

What I Wish My Parents Knew

I have a special guest for this segment, LaTrina Rogers, also known as The Dorm Mom on TikTok, where I believe I first connected with her. LaTrina shares with us today what she wishes parent knew. She is the Director of Residential Life at Ranken Technical College in St. Louis, Mo and she’s driven by a passion for student success. LaTrina’s full bio and link to her website will be - you guessed it - in my show notes. Be sure to connect with her and let her know you heard her segment here!

Things I wish parents knew from The Dorm Mom. I wish parents knew that teaching independence has to come with opportunities to be independent. And those opportunities can be done very early, by a student learning to complete an application by student learning to self advocate for resources that they need in school. Those things can be easily taught so that when they get older, for instance, the audience I work with are college students, when a student gets older, and they come to college, that parents should go from leading that student to supporting that student, meaning the students should be completed their own applications for housing, for college, for parking. Over my years in higher education, I have seen countless amounts of parents completing applications for their student. And I strongly encourage the parents to not do that, because it takes away the opportunity for their students to be independent. That student will have to answer questions when that parent goes home. And that student is now matriculating on a college campus. So it's very imperative they learn those little things. And that also gives them confidence in their independence. Allow your students to experience those little bumps of adversity that may come if they miss a deadline, if they don't show up on time, there are consequences to actions. And oftentimes parents tried to remove the consequences. But part of being independent and having freedom is that there's a responsibility to go with it. All of that is taught not just by instruction, but it's solidified by experience. And that independence, as you know, as a parent, as an adult, is beyond joyous especially for someone young and just experiencing it. So remember, take your student, from leading them to supporting them at the proper age, and also encourage independence by giving small opportunities for them to engage in it. You can empower your student to be great in so many things, and on so many levels. That's what I wish parents knew.

00:17:44

Two Questions for You

Question 1: Are you able to identify thoughts that don’t serve you, throughout the day?

and Question 2: Is there something you’ve been wanting to try?

As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.

My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.

If you enjoy this episode please don’t forget to share it with others, it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. Yes, all the goodies, links and resources are in my show notes. I’ll be back next month with a new episode.

Thank you for listening.

Thanks for being you. The world is incredibly lucky to have you here.

YOU ARE AMAZING!

[end music]

00:18:37

[bloopers]

00:19:02

Still Listening?

I am aware that I didn’t tell you my new last name. It isn’t really a secret I just am still syncing everything behind the scenes. I did share the story with C.E.O. Training team members in a behind the scenes video. So, if you’re a member and curious, check out the video. It will be public everywhere soon enough and much of that story feels like it will be in my upcoming book.

[end music]

[end]

155: Empty Nest Success Means Re-Evaluation, But There’s a Catch💚

155: Empty Nest Success Means Re-Evaluation, But There’s a Catch 💚

Hello, my amazing friend. 👋

I'm wrapping up 2021 with an announcement or two. I'll be busy with the C.E.O. Training Team to Empty Nest Success membership, curating content from these 155 episodes, creating videos for TikTok, and other things over the next six months. I will be back after June with a podcast series or two.

All the details are in this episode. Thank you for listening. I appreciate you!! 

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"So, my question to you now is why in the world do we spend so much energy protecting our physical world, while the majority of us - we don’t spend more than ten-seconds learning how to care for and protect our thoughts? Ugh. It pains me. it pains me!"

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

Listen to @emptynestcoach 's 🎙podcast episode: Empty Nest Success Means Re-Evaluation, But There’s a Catch 💚 #emptynest #life #emptynestsuccess #newepisode #re-evaluation ▶

Tweet about this

This Episode is Brought To You By

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:47 Podcast intro
  • 01:43  My wish for you today
  • 02:11 New things (Podcast & Community Updates)
  • 07:48 My Lessons Learned: Empty Nest Re-evaluations
  • 14:06 Christine, Where are You? 
  • 15:30 Celebrating You and Your Wins
  • 16:18 Two Questions for You
  • 17:39 Bloopers
  • 18:09 Still Listening? 

Questions for You:

  1. What do you need to re-evaluate in your life?
  2. Will you be joining us in the C.E.O. Training Team?

Episode Resources

Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 1-920-LIFEWIN (1-920-543-3946). 📞

Legal disclaimer: Listening to this podcast doesn't make Christine your official coach, and this podcast is not meant to replace your doctor or therapist. Curious? Click here for the deets!

First time here? Try these episodes & resources:

For those who are freaking out about the empty nest years. It is time to make the rest of your life the best of your life!

Subscribe To This Podcast

It is FREE!

Want to get notified of new episodes directly on your phone? Subscribe to this podcast using your favorite app!

The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 155

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #155. Tap 30 seconds ahead if this isn't your first time listening and want to skip this introduction portion. I focus on mothers who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though, all are welcome here, as I’m all about coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up

[level-up music]

your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.

I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. Here we go…

[up beat music]

00:00:47

This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of may alter-ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.

00:01:17

[computer game level up music (short)]

This episode has been months in the making through a tiny seed that was planted in my mind way back in May or June... it arrived as a thought-delivery for me almost out of thin air. Should I wrap up the podcast? OOOO, that was a tough thought-delivery. I'll say a bit more, shortly, but if you want to jump around in this episode, look for the time markers in the show notes.

00:01:43

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Wish for You Today

My wish for you today is that you notice a thought-delivery - a thought that was placed in your mind. A thought that hasn’t been serving you. May you notice that thought, lovingly look at it and let it go. It isn’t your thought to keep, after all, and you, my friend, deserve better.

00:02:11

[computer game level up music (short)]

New Things. New Things. New Things!

My first new thing is that I'm going to put a fairly long pause on this podcast. I marked my calendar and will not release a new episode for at least six months. And, yes, I had to mark it on my calendar because I do tend to get excited and forget that I promised myself that I’d give myself time to process things. [giggle] and when I do return to podcasting, it will look a little bit different, too: I will be creating a focused series of episodes on topics and will release them when the content is ready.

My second new thing is that with the podcasting pause - thanks Lee Uehara for that term - I’ll be able to focus on the empty nest success membership, which I’ve renamed and changed a bit to something more fitting of what it really is. It is now called the The C.E.O. Training Team. C.E.O., of course, stands for Conscious Effective Olympian around here and my dirty little secret is that while I’m lucky enough to teach to empty nest mamas, it serves them in every area of their life- not just the empty nest - helping them to become the Conscious Effective Olympians of their life. It isn’t really about the empty nest but it certainly starts there for these amazing women. I love this work and the new name is a continual reminder, to me, how important my work is.

Can I be real with you for a moment, too? I know I’ve been using the term flock for quite some time. It felt like it fit with the whole empty nest concept but it did feel a bit gimmicky (and “off”) to me - I didn’t have a better solution though. With much contemplation I realized that what this membership community that I’m creating has more in common with is a team - let’s take a gymnastics team for example - or any team where you compete individually - that’s you, my friend - the individual - it’s your life, your work, your happenings in life that aren’t exactly the same as everyone else’s and ultimately you are the one that needs to put in the work to excel in your moments, in your life BUT you also have the support of a team - where everyone around you, while they may not have the same exact situation or circumstances, they “get it”, they get missing their kid, they “get” losing their identity, they “get” that taking care of yourself takes effort and you are supported in this team environment. Then there is the coach - yeah, that would be me. I’m there to provide you with training sessions, guidance, and encouragement. Ultimately, the work is yours. I know that, you know that, but it helps sometimes to have a coach to check-in with, who has been where you are - maybe not exactly the same way but enough to know how they’d look at the problem should they be presented with it today. As your coach, I’m there to spot you as you learn and tell you when you are ready to move to the next level.

00:05:28

So with that analogy...

I now think of this podcast as the open gym session. You can drop in, take a listen, try some of the equipment or tools that I mention and see if you like what I have to say, if you can stand how I say it, try some of the tools I mention and decide if you want to do more in this space.

If the answer is yes, in a gym, you’d sign up for a casual class - maybe a weekly recreational one. Our equivalent would be you choosing to register for the membership site where you’ll get access to some additional resources for free.

And then, if you like what you see in the space but find you are struggling without a team around you; if you are looking for a bit more guidance, accountability, and personal encouragement - then it’s time to join a C.E.O. Training Team.

I have a limit on the size of the roster and recruitment only opens periodically.

Once on a team, you’ll have weekly training sessions on Mondays, which we call Power Hours. In this space, we’ll run through some tools, resources and activities as a group - we’ll celebrate our wins together and share things that we found funny. You’ll have access to a monthly group coaching session as well. And resources... oh, well, of course, you have now have full access to the gym to level-up your skills whenever works for you. You’ll have access to workshops, affirmations, content that I will be creating, and more.

The team will always be reminded that we are in a safe space where we support one another. And of course, I’m always available for private coaching, as well.

All that was my second new thing!

And my final new thing, that is worth mentioning, is that I will be curating content. With over 150 episodes, I have a tremendous amount of content that is always available, and I keep having great plans to curate it in a useful way for you, but haven’t had the time to do it because there is always another episode to create. Well, with this pause, the C.E.O. Training team will reap the rewards because I’ll be curating content each week for the team. They’ll be able to request topics too. I’m super excited to have the time to do this, as what good is great content if it’s really hard to find it?

00:07:48

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Lessons Learned

Empty Nest Success Means Re-Evaluation But There’s a Catch

Why are you doing the things you do?

Is it because it is what you said you’d do? Is it because you’ve always done it that way? Is it because you are comfortable? Is it because you have a routine? Is it because —— maybe you don’t even know.

The empty nest brings huge change into our lives. Some expected. Some unexpected. Strong emotions when you least expect them. Freedom - freedom that may be welcome or unwelcome. Of course, I could go on for days about the changes. There are times we hold onto people, routines, traditions, keepsakes, furniture, plans because they were brought into our lives in a singular moment.

In case you need to hear this, something ( or someone) amazing doesn’t need to stay in your life forever for it to have been good for your life. Maybe you learned what you needed to learn. Maybe you grew the amount you needed to grow. Maybe you grew and someone else didn’t. Maybe you’ve changed and that thing you said yes to three years ago, doesn’t serve you any longer.

The empty nest is a fantastic opportunity to declutter our lives. Yes, it can be scary. But it also could be freaking amazing. You won’t know until you start to look at it all. And you won’t know what to re-evaluate and declutter until you’ve done some cleaning up. And, if you’ve listened to me for more than one episode, you are going to know that I always start with ... our thoughts. Yes, our thoughts are powerful. Our thoughts can change our lives. 100% I couldn’t believe anything more. Are they the answer to everything? No they are not, but I haven’t seen successful change happen in someone’s life without them first decluttering their thoughts around the thing. You, yourself, may not even realize how much power you’re handing over to others in your life - in this very moment.

You’ve probably heard me say this before, but I like to say that our thoughts are thought-deliveries - and our mind is like a house. Would you EVER leave your house - where you live physically - real-life - unlocked with the door open and the lights on allowing ANYONE to enter without giving it a second thought? Would you allow someone to drop off a box in your unlocked home, and never look inside to see what is there - I mean - it could be a million dollars - but it could also be a bomb. Think about this - imagine, you head off to work (outside of your home), you leave your windows and doors open, the lights are on, allow anyone to come in with no rhyme or reason - “welcome!” and you have no cameras to monitor - things just happen in your home while you aren’t there. How does that feel?

So, my question to you now, is why in the world do we spend so much energy protecting our physical world, while the majority of us - we don’t spend more than ten-seconds learning how to care for and protect our thoughts? ugh. It pains me. it pains me!

Let me say it again, thoughts are only the beginning. But we have to start somewhere. And thought-deliveries - noticing them, questioning them, being curious about them, are a really good place to start. It’s difficult to understand becoming the C.E.O. of your life when you can’t see past the darkness cluttering your mind of thought-deliveries that you haven’t cleaned out for your ENTIRE LIFE.

Oh, my friend, I began this work over three years ago for myself and if you’ve listened to this podcast, you’ve heard me along the journey. When I started, I thought thought-deliveries and what those does to us was enough. I discovered, it really is so much more, but until you get that concept, none of the rest will make sense. None of it will be illuminated until you can declutter. And then, and only then, with a decluttered mind, will you have the freedom of more time, more energy, making everything in your life easier to re-evaluate.

And if you had told me three and a half years ago that my 2021 would consist of a move, a marriage separation and pending divorce, speaking at an event, and looking at pausing my podcast, all in the midst of a pandemic that had been going on for multiple years, I wouldn’t even know how to respond. But guess what? Right here, now, in the moment, I’m pretty peaceful about it all - it feels amazing to have that level of control over my life - even when things I can’t control come barreling in full force. What I get to do is control how I respond. I get to control my thoughts about it. I was able to look at that thought-delivery that arrived months and months ago: yeah that one, “Should I wrap up the podcast?” I was able to consider it lovingly, let it simmer, and frame it in different lights and ultimately find the answer within myself that works for me, right now.

I hope, my friend, that you discover this for yourself. It’s amazing. It isn’t a perfect life - whose is? - and it takes continual work but it is life-changing and since our lives aren’t over, and we have years on this earth (hopefully - fingers-crossed) to spend here, why not make the most of it and really get to know your amazing self? Future-you is waiting.

00:14:06

[quirky music under segment]

Christine? Christine? Christine, where are you?

Alright, well, you’ll find me in the C.E.O. Training Team, the Empty Nest Success community, in new videos on TikTok, for sure, and taking a lot of local walks. That should all keep me busy through the first quarter of 2022, along with my day job and there’s a slight chance I might have another move in store for me in 2022, so I’m buffering a little extra time in there in case I need to pull that off.

In the podcasting world, I will be a guest on some upcoming podcast episodes. Two that I have already been recorded are Wellness While Walking hosted by Carolyn Cohen where I shared a bit about how much walking has helped me over the last year...and in the spring, you’ll find me on an episode of Listeners to Leads hosted by Alesia Galati where we talked about the fun I have on TikTok. I had a great time speaking with both of these amazing women, and you can always find all of the episodes I’ve guested on, on my website - scroll all the way down to Coach Christine appearances to see them all on the audio page.

And while I won’t be releasing my own episodes for the next six months, I am very happy to be a guest on your show. If you’ve been waiting to ask me, now’s the time.

00:15:30

[computer game level up music (short)]

Celebrating you and your wins

This is an amazing way to to wrap up celebrating your wins. Let me tell you why. I did not release my usual video on Instagram and TikTok asking for people to celebrate their wins. So, I haven’t done that in quite some time, but I did release other videos and in one of them - right in my TikTok comments someone left the microphone emoji and their win! I love this so much. So my listener, I invite you to celebrate with Layla.and.Dabo who got into three colleges this week and still are waiting to hear back from their dream school. I hope you hear back soon and it is a “Yes!” All of us here are cheering you on Layla.andDabo! Thank you for sharing. You’re amazing.

00:16:18

Two Questions for You

Question 1:  What do you need to re-evaluate in your life?

and Question 2:  Will you be joining us in the C.E.O. Training Team?

[I’d] love to have you there.

As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.

My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.

If you enjoy this episode please don’t forget to share it with others, it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. And, even, if I’m not releasing content right now, I have 150 episodes for someone to binge.

As always, you'll find a ton of information, resources and more on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com. A special thanks to SupaPass, my current employer and what powers our Empty Nest Success community. You can join today to gain free resources.

As for me and this podcast, I’ll be back in mid to late 2022 with a series of topics that rise organically from our C.E.O. Training Team sessions.

Now, at the end of the year, I’m happy I can say I’ve enjoyed the journey in 2021 - the ups and the downs. I was able to level-up my life as I was stretched in ways I never would have expected. You can do this too - if you haven’t already - I believe in you. And don’t you dare forget that YOU ARE AMAZING!

Chat next time!

[end music]

[00:17:39]

[bloopers]

00:18:09

Are you still listening?

Take a deep breath in, my friend. Let the air out. Take another deep breath in and as you do, imagine good thought-deliveries entering your soul. Let that breath out and let go of thoughts that aren’t serving you. Let’s do it again.... deep breath in (good thought deliveries) and out (let those go - they’re not yours). Repeat this as necessary.

[end music]

[end]

154: How To Disentangle Through Divorce In The Empty Nest 💚

154: How To Disentangle Through Divorce In The Empty Nest 💚

Hello, my amazing friend. 👋

I almost didn't publish this one.

However, it has given me a bit of closure, and if it helps one person, it is worth sharing. 💚

In this episode, I share some of my personal journey as my husband and I transition toward divorce. I also share things that have helped me - and much more. 

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"My wish for you today is that you discover, or rediscover, something about yourself that you love."

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

Listen to @emptynestcoach 's 🎙podcast episode: How to disentangle through divorce in the empty nest  💚 #divorce #emptynestdivorce #life #emptynestsuccess #newepisode ▶

Tweet about this

This Episode is Brought to You By

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:42 Podcast intro
  • 01:47  My wish for you today
  • 02:29 New things
  • 04:17 My Lessons Learned: divorce in the empty nest
  • 13:30 5 Things that have helped me in separation/divorce
  • 19:42 Sunk costs and final thoughts
  • 22:23 Ask Coach Christine:  Telling your parents you use new pronouns
  • 23:15  Christine, Where are You? 
  • 24:45 Find the Funny
  • 24:31 Two Questions for You
  • 26:53 Bloopers
  • 27:11 Still Listening? 

Questions for You:

  1. How do you feel about divorce - in your life and the lives of others?
  2. What area of your life do you need to take a closer look at? 

Episode Resources

Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 1-920-LIFEWIN (1-920-543-3946). 📞

Legal disclaimer: Listening to this podcast doesn't make Christine your official coach, and this podcast is not meant to replace your doctor or therapist. Curious? Click here for the deets!

First time here? Try these episodes & resources:

For those who are freaking out about the empty nest years. It is time to make the rest of your life the best of your life!

Subscribe To This Podcast

It is FREE!

Want to get notified of new episodes directly on your phone? Subscribe to this podcast using your favorite app!

The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 154

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #154. Tap 30 seconds ahead if this isn't your first time listening and want to skip this introduction portion. I focus on mothers who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though, all are welcome here, as I’m all about coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up

[level-up music]

your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.

I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. Here we go…

[up beat music]

00:00:46

This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of may alter-ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.

00:01:15

[computer game level up music (short)]

The big (and heavy) topic for this episode is divorce - I'm opening up on how we (my husband and I) are disentangling our relationship through divorce. Is it a how to for everyone? [giggle] Probably not but it has/is becoming my husband and I's how to, and since I needed to hear from others their experience, I thought maybe someone might need to hear ours - or, mine because I certainly can't speak for my soon to be ex-husband.

If you wanna jump around in the episode, look for the time markers in the show notes.

00:01:47

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Wish for You Today

My wish for you today is that you discover, or rediscover, something about yourself that you love. You know, that thing that when you think about it, you know it is special and the corner of your mouth rises up with a grin because that part of you - or that talent - or gift of yours - is pretty freaking amazing. Give yourself permission to stop what you are doing now and think about it - or take time to discover it - and lean into it. Be proud of it. Own it. You are amazing!

00:02:29

[computer game level up music (short)]

New Things. New Things. New Things!

So many new things have happened but I'll pick two big ones in my personal life.

First, I received a TikTok video sponsorship! Helix Sleep sent me a mattress to review in exchange for a couple of videos about the mattress. I can't even begin to tell you how exciting this is for me, although, to be honest, part of me was really concerned because I'm awful at lying, so I did have a fear that I wasn't going to love the mattress. Thank goodness, it is freaking amazing - I want to go lay in it now it's so comfortable. Should you be curious, I'll put a link to my first video in my show notes. In that video I share how it is delivered in a box and also show the entire unboxing - our cat Lego supervised. If you are in the market for a mattress, I have a link for $200 off a Helix Sleep mattress and they'll send you a couple of pillows too - a link to that will be in my show notes, as well.

00:03:21

My other big new thing is that I was officially served with divorce papers, which means the 90-day countdown begins until it can be official. Such a weird thing and because of that, I thought I'd do a second episode about divorce in the empty nest, as I think it is important. I see so many things about reconnecting with your partner in the empty nest and it is fantastic if you are able to do so but for those who aren't - here is your reminder that you are not alone. That your worth is not based on your marriage. You are amazing no matter your relationship status. And you may even be happier.

In Your Empty Nest Coach-land, things that are new is that I'm actually no longer working at the grocery store which means I have a full two days off a week, again - which hasn't happened in quite some time - and that means, I've had time to do things like get back to working on our flock space, and this podcast. Yay, I'm so excited!

00:04:17

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Lessons Learned

Divorce in the Empty Nest

As mentioned earlier, I am in the process of a divorce. I wasn't the one who ultimately asked for it but I was the one who first mentioned the word divorce and gave my husband permission to consider it. Want to know why? Yeah, sometimes I do to [ha!]. But I'm going to be really real here in this episode about things that I think might help others, and also remember (in case you skipped this in the beginning) I'm sharing how we are handling it and things that have helped me. Should you be experiencing divorce or have it on your mind - always, always use your own internal GPS for guidance.

A few days after my husband's request, our discussion and quick decision to proceed with divorce, I went back and listened to episode 119 of my podcast - that one is titled 'does the empty nest cause divorce?'. Oh my goodness, it brought me so much peace. It is weird to have your past self comfort your current self. But that's what happened. So, if you are in the process of divorce or considering it - I encourage you to listen to that episode before the rest of this one. It is a really good starting point. And, honestly, I'm kind of fascinated by how helpful it was to me.

To be completely transparent with you, when you listen to that episode, you'll notice I put something out there that was big - especially in the "still listening?" portion. From where I sit now, I think that was me directly talking to myself, and, I admit to you today, that I hadn't yet done it myself. I knew I needed to at some point but man, it is freaking scary. I guess episode 119 was my way of preparing myself for the future - or where I am presently.

00:06:13

Anyway, after recording and making that episode live last year, there were some thought-deliveries that kept arriving in my mind that I couldn't quite let go of. I feel sharing this with you is important since I always talk about managing our thought-deliveries. Sometimes the ones that hang on need to be sorted and moved somewhere else, and sometimes they require deeper inspection.

The latter was the case for me.

What I'm about to share with you is not meant to make you feel bad for me, or bad for my soon to be ex-husband, or for you to take sides. Look, none of that matters in my life or his, we each have our own stories and plans to manage. I'm sharing this with you because a while ago I needed someone to share their experience with me - for me to learn and consider divorce as an option despite it being the opposite of everything I was told my whole life. It allowed me to give permission to both of us to consider it, and it allowed us both, ultimately, to be free.

So whether this episode resonates with you or not, keep it in mind in case someone you know might need it in the future.

And a final note before I proceed, I am NOT pro-divorce. I'm pro considering divorce. What feels better...knowing your partner WANTS to be with you or wondering if they do?

Something I heard a while back from someone was that they they check-in each year with their husband to see if they would choose each other again if they met today. And she was always excited that the answer was yes.

Oh, the emotions that came up for me when I first heard this. What if... what if they wouldn't? What if you have different answers? What if... What if...

00:07:54

That stayed with me for a while. Now, as you know if you've listened to me for a while, I've been cleaning up my thought-deliveries for years, and when I recorded the divorce episode I mentioned, the words of this person came back to me, and I also felt a bit horrified because if I was honest with myself, I had no proof based on recent experiences that my husband would choose me today - and I was fairly certain he wouldn't.

To be honest, I wasn't sure how I felt.

Anytime divorce did come up in topic he always said, "divorce isn't an option."

Maybe that was supposed to bring us comfort. I know he meant well. But it never brought me comfort and I really wasn't sure why until I had the courage to look deeper into my own thoughts. Which was really tough to do. Ultimately, I landed on when divorce isn't an option, then you're stuck. Does he feel stuck? Am I stuck? Are we both stuck? What if it was an option?

When you can't get out of something because you can't get out of something, what is really going on? Are you happily married to the love of your life and can't wait to grow old with them or is 'divorce not an option'. I wanted the former and I, honestly, wasn't feeling either of us were there.

While I sound pretty calm and peaceful about this, now, please know that I've done a lot of healing over the last five months. I've been sad. I've been angry. I've been overwhelmed - and you know I don't like using the word overwhelmed, but I chose it more than a few days and owned it.

Considering all of this was NOT easy.

There are a lot of reasons I've been less podcasty over the last few months and it is because I was working on myself a lot, and navigating this transition. It isn't easy. It sucks. It sucks big time and it is CRAZY scary.

00:09:45

Anyway, I'm a little all over the place, but six months or so after my Divorce in the Empty Nest episode aired, I (with the help of a margarita) I brought up the possibility of considering divorce to my husband. I don't even know what sparked it in the moment. It was my daughter's graduation weekend, we were away, and talking about the future - the two of us- and I guess I felt if I didn't say it now, I may never say it. What did I think was going to happen? Honestly, I had NO idea. I didn't actually think we'd get a divorce, to be honest.

I think I thought that we'd have a discussion, work through some things and realize that we are both overworked, exhausted and find maybe some hobbies to do together and work things out long-term. Rediscover some things missing in our relationship, and find a future together. I think I thought that was going to be the catalyst for that to happen.

Maybe that's what I thought.

But as the conversation continued, I found myself saying things like, "don't stay married to me because you have to provide for us, I'll figure things out." "don't stay married to me because divorce isn't an option, stay married to me because you love me, we have fun together and can't wait to do things together in this next part of life," and the final one, "I can't make you happy. Making you happy, isn't ultimately my job it is your job to figure out what makes you happy and if you do that better without me, you should. Life is too short." or something like that.

00:11:10

Let me tell you, it was scary. It was weird, and there wasn't a back and forth about but we don't really want that. It just was out there... that should have told me something. But I guess what was MORE scary, in the end, was living the rest of my life wondering if he really wanted to be with me. Pretty much knowing the answer but never having the courage to ask it because I was too scared.

Well, about 30 days after that margarita-filled conversation, my husband sat me down and said he wanted a divorce.

I radically accepted it in the moment. It was probably not what he expected, although he had done his research online and knew he was to be prepared to expect anything - and I have to say, that's good advice because we can't control other humans and we certainly can't pretend to know how they'll react. It was a bit shocking that he had already processed a lot of the details of it all. But, I guess, emotionally, I was prepared enough since I was the one who brought it up and allowed him to consider it.

00:12:10

Part of me was like, okay, I'm not crazy, he wasn't happy and I gave him the opportunity to be free and that felt good that I was able to do that for him - for both of us. Another part of me went into ' okay, what do we need to do mode,' - which I do that mode pretty well, [giggle] and then the last part of me was relieved - relieved that, again, I wasn't crazy. I - I felt his unhappiness around the house, and that maybe things will be more peaceful for both of us. And in the end we both deserve a relationship - should we choose to be in one in the future - that is supportive, loving and lifts us up.

ooooh kay - so there are a whole bunch of details and things that aren't really anyone's business that I'm not going to get into but all I can say is that while some things suck, and while I'm still trying to navigate a ton of things with the change, on the whole, the transition has been really good. The scariest part for me has been the financials as he's been the breadwinner since my daughter was born. Am I going to be okay? Of course. Is can be scary day to day, and that is where I work on my presence and not letting the doom possibilities to creep in. Although, as you probably know, some days that is easier than others.

I do want to share with you a handful of things that have helped me navigate the transition well.

00:13:31

  1. First, and most important, is Conscious Effective Olympian (C.E.O.) work - I have to say the work I've done over the last few years in clearing my thought-deliveries, discovering my own internal GPS, using it for guidance, in focusing on presence, and radical acceptance of what is was a the most important part of the, so far, fairly successful navigation of this transition.

There was a lot in what I just said, so feel free to listen to that again.

  1. Second: Therapy - I got a therapist! Someone who doesn't know me. Doesn't know my husband. Doesn't know my friends and family. And having that safe space to hear myself talk and process and remind me that I'm powerful and amazing and that things that I have been labeling one way might actually be something else - this has all been incredibly helpful. I recommend it to everyone - and as a coach, of course I do. Seriously, though, whether it is a coach or therapist - if you are navigating all of this, I hope you have a safe space to process things. If you can't afford it, try my next thing which I did a ton before I started therapy.
  2. And that's number three: Nature, nature and more nature. Just get out in Nature. A lot. As much as you can. It was my lifeline. I'm sorry if this is a bit too woo for you but I really feel a person's energy and the energy in our household wasn't great over the last year or so. I don't always know where energy that drains me comes from, but I feel it and it impacts me. And I need to escape the energy drain to ground myself. Getting out in nature does that for me. I walked sooo much just after we moved here and before my husband and I had our final discussion... and if you have been listening or following me on the socials for a while, I've been sharing my nature walks with you. I can't say enough about getting outside and experiencing it all with all of your available senses. Combine that with a piece of paper and pencil or journal to process what comes up while you're outside and you may gain insights that surprise you - I know I did! I actually keep a pen and piece of paper in my walking vest.
  3. Number four: move things. Physically move things. This is for those of you who are staying in the house that you lived in together with your partner. If you have a spare room, maybe consider moving into that one, or change your furniture layout completely, and don't be afraid to move things around the house to make it feel like it's different - or new - or just yours. This is boots-on-the-ground tactical help that I found by accident, and it helped me separate myself from the relationship while still living where the relationship existed. My daughter and I started with the living room and decorated it in a fun bug theme (really cute bugs) and then we added things that make us happy and smile - that are ours. We did it on a budget - and used Facebook marketplace and Goodwill for much of it.

00:16:44

And one of the best things I've done - I kind of wish I did it sooner is that my daughter and I switched bedrooms. It really isn't easy living where you lived with your partner (and we weren't even in this space together long) but with all [of] their things, the way furniture was setup and more, it makes it difficult to move past things on the daily when there are constant reminders. I certainly don't want to negate our history together and our marriage, but I prefer to have moments where I choose to have the reminders rather than having them forced upon me minute upon minute upon hour upon day - well, you get the idea.

ANYWAY, giving my daughter the master bedroom with on-suite bathroom may seem wild to some people and while we did it initially because her room is warm, mine was cold and we both would prefer heat-wise to be in opposite rooms, the switch made sense us. But, ultimately, the change has been so good for me, mentally. It is fully my space. It's cozy. I got a new mattress - thanks again, Helix, got new bedding and am really making it my own.

My husband is in his new space- and I feel like I have my new cozy space here. I love it and it has been one of the best things for my mental health. I feel like I have a new home without having a new home, if that makes sense. Do you have to do this? Of course not but I would definitely consider something like this if you are having trouble living in the space you were in with your partner and can't move.

One day I'll get to the boxes and photos and all that - one day.

00:18:15

  1. My final tip for this transition is YNAB - I can't praise YNAB enough. I remember a friend telling me about YNAB - it stands for You Need a Budget - years ago she told me and I have had it on my radar for this entire time. Hubby wasn't sold on it when I mentioned it a while back, so, literally days after the divorce discussion I purchased my YNAB subscription.

How funny is that?

And within another day, I had gone through all of my finances, decided how much I was going to have to earmark to live off of while we transitioned all the things over the next few months. This has been life-changing for me. I could honestly talk about YNAB for three full episodes but I'll spare you. [giggle] YNAB if you ever listen and want to talk sponsorship, I'm a HUGE fan - consider me!

Anyway, and if you, my listener, have never heard of YNAB, You Need a Budget, please check it out - divorce, married, single, whatever your status - my ADHD brain loves it so much and I even gifted a subscription to my daughter who already has enjoyed the value of it.

Seriously, finances are a HUGE thing with a divorce - I mean, I guess if you have millions, maybe not, but, yeah, umm, if you can't tell...that isn't me. [giggle] Just in case you had any remaining doubt. [giggle]

00:19:42

[music interlude]

Wow, this was a lot. Long story short, life is too short to be in a relationship that doesn't serve you, or your partner well. Sunk costs are that - sunk - we can't get them back: time in a relationship, energy we put in, money spent, decisions made. We can't change that and when we use those to keep us trapped forward we are - trapped. There is a great (under 5 minute) video that explains sunk costs that I'll link it in the show notes - in case you need a refresher and to hear it explained well from someone else about multiple things.

A great way to proceed forward without focusing on the sunk costs is to imagine yourself being dropped into your life, right where you are now - without all of the invested time, money and energy - would you fight being dropped into your life where you are now, and if so, why? What is scary about it? What would you change? What is stopping you from changing it right now? or would you happily be dropped in and be ready to stay forever?

Honestly, it can be tough to consider this and it takes bravery for most of us.

Where am I now with it all? Well, after our initial divorce discussion, both of us went back and forth at some point on do we want to try this - nah, we don't - well, maybe... do we we did even a brief 'let's date period' too but in the end - the answer was no.

Where we are now is a fairly amicable divorce. Sure, there are things I miss, and there are a lot of things I really don't miss. Right now, my home is happy. There is laughter. I can be myself all of the time now, and I like myself. I am pretty freaking cool, but I'm also a lot for some people. And if that means I need to be alone, or with someone else who can handle my a lot-ness, I'm okay with that. I'm proud of who I am. Faults and all. And I certainly have faults, we all do. But I do love to learn, I love to level-up my life and myself, I love to laugh, I don't take life too seriously and I wanna to be at the end of my life knowing I lived it fully.

So where I am now is peaceful, excited to see what is ahead for me - that includes the tough moments as well as the beautiful moments.

And as for divorce, it is something I've experienced. It is not who I am, so I while I'm not going to hide it but I also am not going to rehash it over and over because, my friend, I have enjoying the journey and living life at the top of my to do list and that means moving forward.

00:22:23

[music]

Ask Coach Christine - N/A

This episode is going to be longer so I'm gonna cut a couple of segments, but I was recently asked on TikTok, "Do you have any advice for telling my parents that I use they/them pronouns now? I know it's a big change in how they'll see me."

I actually did two video responses for this one and I'll link both in my show notes.

The first one was congratulating the person asking for discovering who they are, finding pronouns that resonate with them, and having the courage to use the new pronouns, and I'm excited for them. My wish and hope is that their parents hold space for them, and are able to listen in a loving manner when they are told.

The second video was a hotline video for parents, and managed to fit my response into a one minute video - it's always fun when my alter ego, Sally, is able to jump in.

I hope these help and that the conversation goes well!

00:23:15

[quirky music under segment]

Christine? Christine? Christine, where are you?

You can find me on two recent podcast interviews and I have two more scheduled this week!

First up is episode 8 of The Pursuit of Evolution podcast hosted by TEDx speaker and resilience educator, Casey Jourdan. Casey and I chat about my daughter heading off to college early, the power of radical acceptance, I talk a bit about my marriage separation and what life is like now with my daughter back home. And I love what Casey shares about her return home from her time in the military at a young age, as well as how her relationship with her mother changed after her parents' divorce.

Next up is episode 82 of the Mama Mindset podcast hosted by Amy Cothren, another incredible woman. Amy's a stay at home mom to three girls. Amy's crushing podcasting and giving so much of herself to lift up other stay at home mothers. She wanted to know how to prepare for the empty nest when our kids are young. We talk about homeschooling my daughter, how I entered the empty nest, steps to take at any point in parenting to prepare (or try to prepare) for the empty nest years, dealing with our parents' empty nesting, and Amy's red tape - that is worth the listen! And wow, can Amy assemble great promo materials for her guests - seriously, she tagged me in some amazing videos - thank you, Amy!

00:24:45

Let’s find the funny!

[giggles from others]

If you know me at all, you know I love to laugh. Humor is therapy for me and yes, while, I'm related to one of the co-hosts, wow, the Wonka Watch podcast has me laughing out loud in every episode at least once or twice if not a ton more. And the funny part is I've usually heard most of it before it's live - yet it continues to make me laugh. So, if you don't mind raw humor with cursing, and want to listen to two of the most creative and the funniest humans I know talk about Willy Wonka - check it out.

00:24:31

Two Questions for You

Question 1:  How do you feel about divorce - in your life and in the lives of others?

and Question 2:  What area of your life do you need to take a closer look at?

Wrap-up

As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.

My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.

If you enjoy this episode please don’t forget to share it with others, it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. And of course, follow the show in your favorite podcast player!

As always, you'll find a ton of information, resources and more on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com. A special thanks to SupaPass, my current employer and what powers our GPS Support Flock Community - you can join today while I prepare for it's official launch in 2022!

I’ll be back with a new episode in a couple of weeks or so - it will be another affirmation episode, like my last one. I haven't yet decided on the topic, so let me know if you have a request.

My beautiful friend, life likes to keep us guessing, doesn't it? Enjoying the journey - filling your life with peace is possible even when life throws you a curveball or two - or ten. You can handle it all I have absolutely no doubt! Don't forget it, and as always, never forget that you are amazing.

Chat next time!

[end music]

[00:26:53]

[bloopers]

00:27:11

Are you still listening?

Take a deep breath in, my friend. Let the air out. Take another deep breath in and as you breathe in imagine positive energy, good thought-deliveries and peace filling you from head to toe. Imagine they push aside negative thoughts and energy and force them to escape with your next breath out. Repeat this as necessary.

[end music]

[end]

153: Listen to this episode when the holidays are approaching 💚

153: Empty Nest Help - Listen to this episode when the holidays are approaching 💚

Original Posting Date: November 2021

Hello, my amazing friend. 👋

Thanks for stopping by!

I'd love to know if you find this episode helpful in any way. 

Looking for the printable transcript? Click here for holiday empty nest help.


 

Holiday Topics Included

  • Your adult/emerging adult child is home for the holidays

  • Your family stresses you out

  • You are alone

  • Dealing with parental guilt

  • Mourning a loved one

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"My amazing friend, I'm not here to become your guru or advice provider. Nah, that's way too much pressure for me, to be honest. I'm here to guide you on a path to discover how to use you as your own internal GPS, and I'll cheer you all along the way."

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

Listen to @emptynestcoach 's 🎙podcast episode: Listen to this episode when the holidays are approaching  💚 #collegeparents #life #emptynestsuccess #newepisode ▶

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This Episode is Brought to You By

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:42  Podcast Intro
  • 01:10   Why am I creating these episodes? 
  • 03:23  How to use the GPS Reset exercises/affirmations
  • 05:13  The topic is holidays
  • 05:50  When your emerging adult child is home for the holidays
  • 08:30  When visiting family stresses you out 
  • 10:52   When you are alone during the holidays
  • 13:25    When you have parental holiday guilt
  • 16:56    When you are mourning a loved one

Episode Resources

Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 1-920-LIFEWIN (1-920-543-3946). 📞

Legal disclaimer: Listening to this podcast doesn't make Christine your official coach, and this podcast is not meant to replace your doctor or therapist. Curious? Click here for the deets!

First time here? Try these episodes & resources:

For those who are freaking out about the empty nest years. It is time to make the rest of your life the best of your life!

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The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 153

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Listen to this episode when the HOLIDAYS are approaching.

Hello, amazing human! This episode is a little different from my normal episode. It is something I have been wanting to do for a long time. I did these in Clubhouse when I was active there and titled them GPS Reset exercises. My tentative plan is to do one episode of these a month with supporting documents in our Empty Nest Success online space.

For those of you who are new here, I will include my normal intro- go ahead; for those of you who are used to it, tap that 30-second forward button and dive right in. You'll also find time markers to topic sections in the show notes - you may need to tap details or more (depending on what app you are using to listen) to view those. Thanks for listening. Here we go.

00:00:42

[up beat music]

This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter-ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.

00:01:10

Why am I making these episodes?

Well, that's a great question! I've had people reach out to me through social direct messages, emails, and sometimes voice messages - in those messages they share with me that while they are doing their thing: walking, doing chores, having conversations in their head - you know, living their life, they'll hear my voice in their head saying something they've heard me say on the podcast. And sometimes, that allows them to reframe the situation they're in.

For those of you who this is true for - or for who it may become true for, I want to assist a bit more by creating some affirmations and positive thoughts - these GPS Resets - for key moments in your life. These are events that might lead you to sit back and allow your protector to take over and run your life. Your protector (or what some view as our ego) does this because they take their job seriously, and they want to - protect you - but when they take over, we, as humans, never get to consider other possibilities in life. We are limited in how we experience moments, and our true selves continue to hide away -missing yet another opportunity to live life, figure out who we are, and to grow - missing out on allowing our own internal GPS to build strength.

Sure, doing this work may mean we experience moments that are incredibly raw and filled with emotion - trust me - I've been experiencing a ton of this myself over the last few years - and especially this year. It is, after all, MUCH easier to allow our protector to- protect us. It's easier to walk through life on auto-pilot.

00:02:50

Here's the thing. It is your life.

You get to choose how to proceed. It doesn't matter to me one way or the other what you choose to do - I'd love to see you choose you - but ultimately, it's all you to decide, my amazing friend.

Ask yourself, do I want to sleepwalk through life, or do I want to consciously wake up and begin - or continue to - consider the thoughts in my mind?

All of these things are why I am creating these episodes. To begin you on your journey of considering your thoughts.

00:03:23

[computer game level-up music (short)]

My amazing friend, I'm not here to become your guru or advice provider. Nah, that's way too much pressure for me, to be honest. I'm here to guide you on a path to discover how to use you as your own internal GPS, and I'll cheer you all along the way.

And with that in mind, what is even more powerful than hearing MY voice in your mind, is to hear YOUR voice in your mind.

If you are short on time, and one of these affirmations really resonates with you, use them as is. However, if you're ready for the next step, I encourage you to pop over to our Empty Nest Success online space, where you will find a PDF of the full transcript of this episode. Download it , copy the text that works for you, modify it, adjust words that don't resonate with you, and replace them with better ones - ones that work for you! Be genuine to you; imagine your future self talking to you now, and what would they want to say to you? When you have text that resonates with you, open your voice app on your phone, record it in your voice - title it appropriately so you can find it quickly and get listening.

If you are like me - I have an ADHD brain - it may take you a while to get used to remember you have it on your phone as an option, but one day you will remember... and then you'll find messages for all sorts of times that you can reference whenever you need them. You may even find yourself creating your own for times that you know you'll need them for.

May this encourage and inspire you going forward.

Thanks for listening, and thanks for gifting yourself with this - future you and I are cheering you on, my amazing friend - you're taking one more step toward becoming the Conscious Effective Olympian (the C.E.O.) of your life!

00:05:13

[computer game level-up music (short)]

HOLIDAYS

The focus for today's GPS Reset Exercises is HOLIDAYS. Initially, I was going to focus on Thanksgiving, but what I found in preparing this is that the general holiday season brings up similar themes for most of us.

I have five versions of this for you. In each version, I'm going to say them and then leave space for you to repeat what I say. That's how they're meant to be used. I covered the five first instances that came to my mind with my limited time available. Hopefully, if your holiday status isn't covered, this will inspire you to make your own version. Check my show notes to jump to the title that resonates with you, or enjoy them all.

00:05:50

[computer game level-up music (short)]

This GPS Reset Exercise is for when your Adult/Emerging Adult Children are Home for the Holidays

With the holidays ahead, I know the energy in my home is about to change as my children return home. I gift myself with patience as I navigate the emotions that arise in me. I gift my children with love, love, and more love. I take a deep breath in and out and let go of the roles we have filled in the past. I take another deep breath in and out and consider the opportunity I have to get to know my child(ren) all over again. Releasing past experiences, releasing future expectations, [and] Setting loving boundaries ahead of time, if needed. Lovingly communicating with my adult child and understanding that I can fill a new role of support going forward: the safe space, the listener, and the cheerleader - even when they share dreams and goals that scare me. I gift myself now with time to consider how I would like to proceed in our relationship first letting go of all past and prior expectations. I am an amazing human. I am worth gifting myself this time now to discover how I would like to change things in the future. Be it my relationship with my children and, more importantly, with myself. I will embrace the chaos when it happens, laugh when I can, cry when I need to, and everything in between. I am worth this time. I am worth this work. I am an amazing human ready to embrace the holidays.

00:08:30

[computer game level-up music (short)]

This GPS Reset Exercise is for when Visiting family that stresses you out.

With the holidays ahead, there is an expectation that I will spend time with my family. Some of my family members drain my energy. I take a deep breath in and out as I consider who just came to mind. I take another deep breath in and out and consider: do I HAVE to spend time with them over the holidays? - Knowing the answer may surprise me. I gift myself with time now to consider ways to navigate holiday time with them I consider loving boundary statements to have on hand should I need to gift myself with time away from them. I am doing the work to discover who I am, and as I do that, it sometimes makes it evident who I need space from in order to take care of myself. I am worth that. I need to protect myself and my family; I deserve the gift. No one will do it for me, but I can do it for myself. I will remember that one small change in this area is a HUGE change for me, and I will be patient as I begin to protect my energy. I am an amazing human. I am worth this uncomfortable work, and I'm ready to embrace the holidays with love, boundaries, and a dash of humor.

00:10:52

[computer game level-up music (short)]

This GPS Reset Exercise is for when you are Alone During the Holidays

With the holidays ahead, there is a societal expectation that I will spend time with family and friends. As of right now, I have no plans. I take a deep breath in and a deep breath out as I consider what I am making this mean. I take another deep breath in and a deep breath out to consider if I want to be alone or not. I take another deep breath; in let it out to consider if the answer is no; I will consider all of the ways I could not be alone and virtual meetings count!

When I am happy being alone, I give myself permission to enjoy the quiet. When I'd rather not be alone, I provide a safe space to myself to consider out-of-the-box ideas on how to share my life with others. I deserve time to rest; I deserve time to rejuvenate myself. I am patient with myself as I figure out what I want this holiday and for future holidays. Being alone, I have the opportunity to break traditions and make my own. I will embrace the things that bring me joy. I will do things on this day that make me feel rested, peaceful and seek out some laughter. I will feel my emotions knowing I am strong enough to process through them. I am an amazing human, whether I'm in a room full of people or whether I'm by myself.

00:13:25

[computer game level-up music (short)]

This GPS Reset Exercise is for Holiday Parental Guilt

With the holidays ahead, I gift myself with focusing on my own family. I take the time to release comparisons that my mind likes to do with others who I might believe are "doing it better," whatever that means. I take a deep breath in, let it out ,and release any ideas of what others do. I take another deep breath in, and out, as I release any thoughts that I may be "less than" in my role as a parent. With one more deep breath in and out I release expectations that I have for myself that haven't been placed there from a source of love and understanding of my life, abilities, and financial status.

I am an amazing human who has done the best I could in every moment. I remind myself that hindsight is 2020 that I can't change the past, but I can be ever-present in the present, and there is no greater gift to give my child than being a safe space for them than being a good listener and cheering them on I gift myself with removing any assumptions I have about them I will remind myself that my children have their own struggles their own dreams their own emotions and that those may be vastly different from mine That doesn't make theirs wrong or mine wrong. I will gift myself in noticing my thoughts about them, and about myself. I will choose thoughts that bring me peace. I will remember to be the best me that I can be in every moment that is all anyone can ask of me, and I'm freaking amazing anyway, so I'm going to be my best amazing self this holiday that I can be in each and every moment knowing that my best self is different moment to moment and that, is an incredible gift I can give to me, and when I take care of myself my children will learn to honor their amazing self. I'm ready for this holiday, and I'm going to enjoy each moment.

00:16:56

[computer game level-up music (short)]

This GPS Reset Exercise is for Holidays While Mourning A Loved One

I am here in this moment, right now. I have had a lot to process over the last year or years, and I know that the holidays will bring up emotions of my loved ones that aren't here with me. I give myself extreme permission to feel those emotions. I also give myself extreme permission to feel opposing emotions. I remind myself that it is perfectly fine for me to feel peaceful. It is more than okay for me to laugh, and, yes, I can have happiness while I continue to mourn.

I will cherish memories; I will make new ones. I remind myself that the new memories do not erase past memories. They are simply new memories. I will take deep breaths in and out as I navigate the holiday ahead without my loved one. I miss them. And that is okay. I wish they were here. And that is okay. I will notice my thoughts, process my emotions and then pull myself into the present - where I am now. I will notice things I didn't notice before. I will look for beauty everywhere, and I will fiercely love myself in every moment. I will enjoy time I have with those I have the honor to spend time with. Most of all, I will gift myself with tremendous love and patience. I will gift myself with discovering what I need - whether it is to be in a room full of people or to spend some time alone. There is no right or wrong answer - there is what I need. I gift myself with that, and I remember through it all that I am freaking amazing.

That's all I have for today. Remember, make these your own. Take what resonates, and leave the rest. Modify them - record it for yourself.

[up beat music]

You have an amazing tool, friend - it is your powerful mind - and I encourage you to use it for you rather than against you. You've got this, and have a wonderful, peaceful, thought-conscious-filled season. You are amazing!

You are amazing!

[End]


152: Powerful Pauses in Your Life 💚

152: Powerful Pauses in Your Life💚

Hello, my amazing friend. Thanks for stopping by!

I'm popping in with a fun new segment, and sharing about the pause in my life. 

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"My beautiful, amazing, resourceful friend, I'm impressed by you. You made time to do something for you. Do more of that, and then do even more. You deserve it. You deserve rest. You deserve trying new things, you deserve peace. You won't be given it - you'll have to make time for all of these things but you - YOU ARE WORTH IT."

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

Listen to @emptynestcoach 's podcast episode: Powerful Pauses 💚  #collegeparents #life #emptynestsuccess #newepisode ▶

Click to Tweet

This Episode is Brought To You By

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 01:11 Quick Reminders
  • 02:43 Pauses
  • 04:56 Opportunities
  • 06:38 Celebrating You and Your Wins
  • 07:23 Thank Yous
  • 10:27 Random Book Segment Two Questions for You
  • 14:54 Two Questions for You
  • 16:46 Bloopers
  • 17:17 Still Listening?

Questions for You:

  1. Are you pausing anything in your life right now? Should you be pausing something?
  2. Do any of the quotes resonate with you? 

Episode Resources

   Elaine Best: Angus Eye Tea | Sloshbucklers

   Carolyn Kiel: Beyond 6 Seconds

    Elaine & Felicia: Wonka Watch - coming soon! Follow on Instagram

Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 1-920-LIFEWIN (1-920-543-3946). 📞

Legal disclaimer: Listening to this podcast doesn't make Christine your official coach, and this podcast is not meant to replace your doctor or therapist. Curious? Click here for the deets!

First time here? Try these episodes & resources:

For those who are freaking out about the empty nest years. It is time to make the rest of your life the best of your life!

Subscribe To This Podcast

It is FREE!

Want to get notified of new episodes directly on your phone? Subscribe to this podcast using your favorite app!

The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 152

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #152. Here, I focus on mothers who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - I like to say that we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries though, all are welcome here, as I’m really all about coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up

[level-up music]

your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.

I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. Here we go…

[up beat music]

00:00:42

This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of may alter-ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.

00:01:11

Some quick reminders: You’ll find a ton of information, resources and more on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com. A special thanks to SupaPass, my current employer and what powers our GPS Support Flock Community. I'm incredibly lucky to work on this team, and my friends, I'm working on some really cool things for you in this new online home in 2022, but you can be an early bird and join today while I prep it all for you - you'll gain access to my twice-monthly group coaching calls and a ton of resources - and you'll have today's price locked in forever.

00:01:47

[computer game level up music (short)][computer game level up music (short)][computer game level up music (short)]

Well, hello, amazing friend!

The all-over-the-place life situations have continued for me right into the fall. This month, I got to speak at a conference that was one of my big goals and it was more incredible than I could have imagined. On the other side, in less than two weeks, I'm going to be served divorce papers, I also was recently diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 50 - and wow, I've really had to take time to take care of myself as I navigate all of these things in my new life ahead.

There's so much I want to share with you but at the same time, eh, you have your own things going on... and, sure, I could easily talk for 2 hours on this podcast about my life - but thinking about what I want to share with you - is it this? is it that? it kept making me put off recording ... and put off recording and put off recording.

00:02:43

So, today, with one day left in October, I've decided to focus on a couple of my usual segments and then do something a little different. This episode is to remind you that it's okay to keep making time for yourself. It is okay to put a pause on things - my friend Lee Uehara named a break in podcasting a "pod pause" - I love that. I REALLY love the idea of pausing things. When life starts coming in incredibly fast - good and bad - it can quickly become too much to process - especially for my ADHD brain. Can't I hyper focus on one just thing, please? That's what I want to say. 😆

Anyway, here is my plan for this episode I'm going to share your wins that you shared with me - because I LOVE doing that; I'm going to Thank some people; and then I'm going to open a few of my favorite books - books that have provided me comfort over the last six months of my life - and I'll share a random quote from each one.

00:03:44

Back in January, didn't I say I would enjoy the journey this year? Yes, yes, I did.

And with that, I've decided (recently) that I will no longer chase after things. For two reasons: Llfe is too short to spend my time chasing down people and things that aren't meant to be in my life; and by doing that I make room for the things that are meant to be in my life - they are meant to fill my mind, and to fill my time.

At She Podcasts Live I attended this soul-refreshing yoga session led Elsie Escobar, one of our hosts- I seriously could listen to that woman talk for days on end - about anything - her goats, her family, podcasting, her childhood experiences, you name it. But what Elsie challenged us to do that morning - in the yoga session - was to set an intention for the conference. I didn't have one. I was already speaking which was a goal of mine, and I was going to be happy with whatever came next. So, I blanked - and then I realized my intention was to go with whatever was presented to me. Whatever is presented to me.

00:04:56

During the conference, I had people invite me on their podcast. I had a media buyer talk to me about sponsorship. I met people I want to work with in the future and can't wait to share their stories and knowledge with you!

What will come out of all of this?

Well, there is a part two to this - it's important - and that is that I yes, I have put things out into the world, and sure, I'll do my follow-up but I've decided that (the part two is REALLY important)

  • that decision to no longer chase after things. Oh, I'll put myself out there for anything that seems remotely reasonable or not reasonable (for example - I applied to Survivor - yes the CBS show) but that is where I leave them and I'll see what happens. My worth isn't based on the opportunities that are presented to me.

00:05:48

I'm here to enjoy the journey. I've fully embraced that, and I'm going to have find the fun in experiences and find the peace. I'm going to take care of myself; use my C.E.O. toolbox items well and embrace things that make sense to me - and some things that make no sense at all.

Life has gotten really exciting when I present myself to a ton of opportunities and then see where they take me. I don't know about you but I'm really excited to see what happens next. I'm truly - kind of ready for almost -anything.

In my last episode, I know I've promised you details about different aspects of my life. If you were waiting to hear that - let me know. I'm kind of curious who really wants to know this. I do have a plan for next episode. I haven't forgotten about them and I will share that.

00:06:38

[computer game level up music (short)]

Celebrating you and your wins.

First our wins from TikTok followers:

SunnyDay shares, " I started taking medication for anxiety and it's been three weeks without any anxiety or sensory overloads 🥰."

**SorryCurve shared, "**I got hired as a substitute teacher while I'm finishing my degree to be a SpEd teacher 🥰."

And I love this one: Nina shares, "My mom and I have finally come to peace with me moving out, we're both so excited instead of anxious about leaving the nest!"

And a win from Instagram: **Carolyn of WellnessWhileWalking shares, "**I'm a month into journaling most days. It's been a hard practice to maintain, but I'm doing better this time around!"

[crowd cheers]

00:07:23

Some thank yous that I feel [are] necessary to share...

First is She Podcasts Live - I had high expectations for the event but I also was going to be peaceful if it met none of my expectations. I'm happy to report that my session was so much fun - and well attended and that the conference exceeded all of my expectations. Thank you to Jess & Elsie and the entire She Podcasts Live team for your dedication to serve your community. While I did get to share some personal reasons with both of you about how important this conference was to me, I want to publicly share that these two women have done so much for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

00:08:06

Thank you to my two podcasting besties Elaine and Carolyn. If you are regular listener you've heard me mention them before. We met in person at She Podcasts Live 2019 and we have been in zoom calls every two weeks for the last two years! They have become incredible friends of mine and we were able to reunite in Scottsdale at She Podcasts Live this month where we celebrated Carolyn's birthday, enjoyed time at a train park, Elaine helped me with my presentation, and where Carolyn and Elaine embraced my daughter and vice versa. So much so that Elaine now hosts a THIRD podcast - because two isn't enough - but this one with my daughter - these two women are hysterical together - I've heard some clips of their first episode and it is a riot. If you don't mind some cursing and would love to be entertained you'll have to check it out. It's called Wonka Watch.

00:09:00

I'm thankful to the amazing flock member Doria - I believe Doria found me on TikTok - but she'll correct me if I'm wrong - [giggle], she joined my flock and has been incredibly supportive of the podcast and the flock. She even reached out to me to wish me a safe and fun journey heading to the conference and with a special treat. Thank you Doria. Your encouragement has been wonderful and just what I need at the right time.

I am thankful to myself for the pause that I'm allowing in my life as I process all that has changed over the last six months and as I process new opportunities.

00:09:33

My final thanks is to you, my listener. Whether you are new to this podcast or have been listening for almost three years, I appreciate that you have taken time to spend listening to me. Yes, I'm grateful for the listening time, I'm grateful for the times that you share my podcast with others who need it and I'm incredibly thankful for those of you who reach out to share with me how the podcast has helped you. Over the three years, I've tried very different formats; it took me over a year to find my own voice in podcasting and you have hung in there, I've mixed up my release schedule and you still listen. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

00:10:13

I could thank a ton of other people but I'll stop there right now because I feel like we all need to see what the books are going to tell us. If you like this next segment let me know... maybe I'll pick a random quote out each episode going forward. That would be kind of fun.

[computer game level up music (short)]

00:10:27

Here we go, I have five books in front of me. I'm going to tell you the title of the book and the author. Then, open it to a random page and read you what first catches my eye - more than likely something will be highlighted or written there - because yes, I do write in my books and highlight often.

If I feel I need to share something with you, I will, otherwise, I'll move on to the next book. Alright, how fun is this? Here we go.

00:10:54

[music under reading and chatting]

Our first book is Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth, Awakening to your Life's Purpose. [flips pages]

Okay, opened to a page. There's something underlined.

"Not projecting the old emotion into situations means facing it directly within yourself. It may not be pleasant but it won't kill you. Your presence is more than capable of containing it. The emotion is not who you are."

Okay, I needed to hear that and I don't think it needs anything else. [giggles]

00:11:28

Our next book is Deepak Chopra's The Book of Secrets. Oh my goodness, I haven't highlighted anything in this book so this is really interesting. Let's flip through pages. [page flipping]

"I say to myself, this situation may be shaking me but I am more than any situation. I take a deep breath and focus my attention on whatever my body is feeling. I step back and see myself as another person would see me. I realize that my emotions are not reliable guides to what is permanent and real. They are momentary reactions and most likely they are born of habit. If I am about to burst out with uncontrollable reactions, I walk away."

I think that is good on its own. too.

00:12:11

I have The Four Agreements and The Fifth Agreement.

The Four Agreements is by Don Miguel Ruiz. The Fifth Agreement is by him and his son, Don Jose Ruiz.

The Four Agreements is up first. Wow, this is another un-highlighted book - very strange for me.

"Under any circumstance, always do your best. No more and no less. But keep in mind that your best is never going to be the same from one moment to the other. Everything is alive and changing all the time. So your best will sometimes be high quality and other times it will not be as good."

And there's your reminder to be kind to yourself.

00:12:50

Let's see what The Fifth Agreement shares today. Ah ha ha - we have highlights and underlines. Ooo, this is a good one.

"Assumptions are nothing more than lies we are telling ourselves. This creates drama for nothing because we don't really know if something is true or not. Making assumptions is just looking for drama where there's no drama happening. And if drama is happening in someone else's story. So what. It's not your story. It's someone else's story."

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Remove the drama and you will get time.

[giggle]

[music stops]

00:13:33

Can I - maybe I should just make this my whole episode. Let's, let's try a new format... what do you think... where I google empty nest news which actually there isn't a lot - it's like someone famous' kid has gone off to college - and now we all need to stop and see how they're handling it - because that's going to be realistic in our lives - let's be real. But what if I just did that and then shared your wins and then opened books and comments on it. It's like weird tarot card readings.

00:14:02

My final book is from Byron Katie with Michael Katz. The Book is I Need Your Love - Is That True? How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead. I have two pages and interesting enough I didn't write in it but I have different sentences highlighted. I'm not going read them ahead of time. I'm just going to read them as the highlights come through and we'll see if they make sense.

The title of this section? Just asking you.

"Give yourself what it is you think you want. Suppose you give yourself the care and attention instead. One way to tell love from bartering is that when you give anyone a gift out of love, you give the pleasure to yourself."

This is a really good book.

There we go, those are our five books and random quotes from them. I feel like I just need you to sit with them and see how they resonate with you.

00:14:54

[music]

Two Questions for You

Question 1:  Are you pausing anything in your life right now? Should you be pausing something?

and Question 2:  Do any of the quotes resonate with you?

I'm well aware that that was three questions. It's okay. You'll forgive me, right?

00:15:14

As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.

My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.

If you enjoyed this episode please don’t forget to share it with others, it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. And of course, follow the show in your favorite podcast player!

I’ll be back with a new episode next month - I'm going to keep you guessing on exactly when but I plan to be back to regular episodes soon!

00:15:41

My beautiful, amazing, resourceful friend, I'm impressed by you. You made time to do something for you. Do more of that, and then do even more. You deserve it. You deserve rest. You deserve trying new things, you deserve peace. You won't be given it - you'll have to make time for all of these things but you - YOU ARE WORTH IT. Pause things you need to and un-pause as you need to. Trust your internal GPS and if you don't know what that is, take the time to discover it - it's an incredible gift of yours because you CAN be the Conscious Effective Olympian - the CEO -of your life - and you, my friend. have great things in store for you - remember that sometimes that great thing is a nap.

I am cheering you on - and so is your future self. Don't you dare forget that you are amazing. Chat next time!

00:16:42

[end music]

[00:16:46]

[bloopers]

00:17:17

Still Listening?

I have an exercise that came to me just now and it may bring up emotions for you, so I just want to present you with a warning. You may want to hit pause if you're somewhere where you aren't alone. Maybe nothing will happen, but just in case, I feel like it's worth saying. Alright, here we go.

00:17:35

Take a deep breath in my friend. Let the air out and as the air exits your lungs, imagine things that aren't serving you, disappearing from your life. Do it again.... breathe in —- let those things go. What things came to your mind? Be curious about them. Pick one that revealed itself to you. Take a deep breath in and imagine your life without that thing - breathe out and imagine that thing leaving. How do you feel? The thought you just had means whatever you make it mean. The emotion you feel is worth being curious about. Take one more breath in and imagine a warm hug around you. As you breathe out release any negative feelings or judgments that you have about yourself about anything that just arose. You are an amazing human processing a lot and you have the power to change your thoughts in any direction that you want. My friend, make them work for you.

[end music]

[end]

151: College Students Missing Home and It is Time to Shine 💚

Empty Nest Coach Christine is seated with podcast cover art announcing episode 151

151: College Students Missing Home & It Is Time to Shine 💚

Hello, my amazing friend. Thanks for stopping by!

This month's episode includes updates on my life - whoa it has been interesting, a new analogy, and much more - all the details and locations in the episode are below. 

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"Always take deep breaths - for your own sake. Process through your emotions of their (your child's) homesickness. What are you making it mean?"

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

Listen to @emptynestcoach 's podcast episode: College students Missing Home and It is Time to Shine 💚  #collegeparents #emptynestsuccess #newepisode ▶

Click to Tweet

This Episode is Brought To You By

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 01:05 Quick Reminders
  • 02:14 My Wish for You Today
  • 02:44 New Things (personal)
  • 09:55 New Things (Your Empty Nest Coach)
  • 11:53 My Lessons Learned - It is Time to Shine
  • 16:12 Ask Coach Christine: My Emerging Adult is Missing Home
  • 18:41 Christine, Where are You? 
  • 19:37 Celebrating You and Your Wins
  • 22:05 What's in Your C.E.O. of Your Life Toolbox?
  • 23:24 Find the Funny 
  • 24:03 What I Wish My Parents Knew
  • 24:31 Two Questions for You
  • 25:53 Bloopers
  • 26:02 Still Listening?

Questions for You:

  1. Is anyone in your life missing home?
  2. How bright are you shining your light into the world? 

Episode Resources

Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 1-920-LIFEWIN (1-920-543-3946). 📞

Legal disclaimer: Listening to this podcast doesn't make Christine your official coach, and this podcast is not meant to replace your doctor or therapist. Curious? Click here for the deets!

First time here? Try these episodes & resources:

For those who are freaking out about the empty nest years. It is time to make the rest of your life the best of your life!

Subscribe To This Podcast

It is FREE!

Want to get notified of new episodes directly on your phone? Subscribe to this podcast using your favorite app!

The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 151

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #151. I’m here to help mothers who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead as I guide them to feeling freaking awesome. I’m all about coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up 

[level-up music]

your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.

I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. Here we go…

[up beat music]

00:00:37

This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of may alter-ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.

00:1:05

Some quick reminders: You’ll find a ton of information, resources and more on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com. If you enjoy this podcast, don’t forget to follow it in your favorite podcast player. That way you’ll be notified when my next episode is released. A special thanks to our fabulous sponsor - SupaPass, who now powers our GPS Support Flock Community - more on that, later in this episode!

00:01:31

[computer game level up music (short)]  

Some other big topics you’ll find in this episode is a quick run down of the big changes that I have experienced in my life in the last three months - and, oh my goodness, it has not been a calm ride, that is for sure! [giggle] But, if you remember, one of my things to focus on this year has been to enjoy the journey - and I’m happy to report that despite a few needed emotional bumps, the journey IS being enjoyed. Of course, I also have a new analogy for you today and this one has to do with vehicle headlights; yay - we have some wins to celebrate; we’ll talk about what is in our C.E.O. toolbox, finding the funny and more! 

If you wanna jump around in the episode, look for the time markers in the show notes.

00:02:14

[computer game level up music (short)] 

My Wish for You Today 

My wish for you today is that you may be present: where you are right now and through most moments of your day. Presence has the power to remove drama from your life and can you imagine your life with less drama and more time? I can tell you - it is freeing. I wish that you gain a bit more presence than yesterday and continue to work on it throughout the month ahead, my amazing empty nest friend!

00:02:44

[computer game level up music (short)] 

New Things. New Things. New Things!

Well, I had a summer hiatus: this was the first ever (for me) in my podcasting career. I was nervous to take the podcasting break but I knew it was needed, and with all of the things that happened, I’m glad I did!

What happened? Where do I even start? Goodness gracious. Well, back when I recorded my last episode, in May, my husband and I had just moved, I was about to turn 50 and our daughter was about to graduate from college. 

The move was successful.

I did turn 50. 

Our daughter graduated from college and that was a BIG deal.

 A side note: when my husband and I supported her attending college early - I can’t say we had a ton of support from the outside world during her consideration and then first couple of years of attendance at the college. I remember when she started, it did feel like those four years of out of state college were going to be a lifetime. 

Well, they weren’t a lifetime after all - and the pandemic even added some extra “fun”  in there, didn’t it? 

00:03:49

Our daughter returned home in May, and she wasn’t sure what the next year was going to look like since the funds just weren’t available for her to attend the grad schools that she was accepted into. And this meant for a rough adjustment for her being back home with no plans for the future. And we all know how the pandemic helps with this, right? It was a fairly rough start to her summer - especially with my next piece of news that I’m going to share but - no worries - as of now she is thriving and that makes my heart incredibly happy. What else can you ask for as a parent?

This takes us to about June. Well, June happens: I turned 50 and 15 days later, my husband asks for a divorce. 

Look, I’ll be honest, my mind had floated the idea of a divorce in our future, so it wasn’t a complete shock but the timing really caught me off guard - our daughter was about to turn 18 a few weeks later, I barely felt settled from the move, her return home, my new commute and so much more. I will be sharing more about what the divorce and what its meant in my life, how I’m doing with it and how it came about - in an upcoming episode, however, I’m doing my best to live in the present moment each day which means, I don’t exactly want to spend too much time thinking about it today.

I’ve been working really hard on following the things that I share in this podcast: watching my thoughts, keeping my thoughts, making sure that the thoughts I choose and the memories that I live in are ones that will move me forward in a positive way.

00:05:18

All that being said,  please know that I’m doing incredibly well and my daughter is thriving too. All this Conscious Effective Olympian (or C.E.O.) of Your Life stuff that I talk about really works. More than once I’ve created an episode and then the universe decides to say, “Oh yeah, Christine, let’s see how you do with this….” [giggle]

The good news is that the thought-work has been a life-saver for me over the last few years, and this was just one more place to use it all again. 

Now at home, my daughter and I are having a blast living together right now - we are a bit more like roommates due to her life stage which makes it super fun, and since I am well aware that I’ll be re-entering the empty nest sometime in the future, I’m fiercely enjoying her time here. 

With all of these things I just mentioned from my summer, I figured why not throw one more big change - or ingredient into my stew - let’s simmer it out after all. Yes, that’s a reference to a prior episode - see my show notes.

00:06:18

I feel your energy: “Christine, what happened next?” 

I did it. I resigned from my job at the college. Why? Because I was looking at heading back into the office five days a week and I no longer had an eleven minute walk to work - I had a 40-minute commute each way - and that was time taken from things I enjoy in life - like podcasting - and well - basically everything I enjoy in life. Also, due to my daughter’s unique education, she doesn’t have her own car and she’s still working on being a confident driver - it made no sense to have her stranded at home at this time.

I ran budget numbers over and over, and over, and over again. I finally bought this piece of software that I’ve wanted for years and it helped me [sings] so much. I’ll talk about that in another episode. 

But, ultimately, I knew I would regret not being here for my daughter at this time, and I’d get my time back to work on my passion projects. 

The one thing that was clear to me is that if I didn’t change my job, me (Coach Christine) would continue to have no time for bottom of the toolbox items and barely any time for even the top-of my life’s toolbox items. That’s not healthy. So, yes, I resigned. 

It was bold and a bit crazy but it has made the other transitions my life is experiencing flow smoother than they would have had I stayed in that position. I now work VERY part-time at our local Lidl store - because it has me not at a computer, super active and at the end of my shift I get to do my grocery shopping. Oh, and part-time employees at Lidl get medical benefits. In case  mm - you might find yourself in a similar situation and need to think about that. I had to think about it with the pending divorce and leaving my job. Yes, I am totally covering all my bases here. It’s also a little fun being at a job that is totally different from the work that I normally do and that is extremely active. 

00:08:15

I use the Pacer app to track how far I walk, and a low activity shift, at Lidle, my pacer app tells me I manage the equivalent of almost 4 miles - a high activity shift is a heck of a lot more! It’s a job that also allows me to work on my presence - which is an added bonus. 

Can you believe it? This takes me  -mm - to about July of this summer, which, that month did include celebrating my daughter’s 18th birthday - and she chose to get a tattoo! She designed it herself and included my handwriting on it. She felt so good about signing her own waiver - it is an odd thing to be on a college campus but need your parent’s permission to go on a trip. 

It makes my heart happy how excited she was about this - and since then she’s been totally on top of her own medical appointments which is incredibly rewarding as a parent. 

So, this brings me to August and you would think that that would be enough for one summer. But no, we aren’t done. The universe helped me out a bit on this one and I was offered an amazing job opportunity but it’s so new, I’ll share more about that in my next episode - it, honestly, feels too good to be true at the moment. 

I had a realization recently that a little over three years ago, I wrote down some things I wanted for future Christine and many of those have become a reality - I’ll share about those in the next episode as well so this one isn’t three hours long.

I’m sure there are many other things to share but with all of these big ones, I’ll just stop there. While I have managed to stay true to enjoying the journey most days (as I mentioned earlier), and I have felt peaceful the majority of the time, I do hope your last three months have been at least a tad calmer than mine! 

00:09:55

Now for some new things specific to my Your Empty Nest Coach world:

The GPS Support Flock Community membership is back! Due to the summer I had, it was assembled a few months later than I had originally planned but I’m okay with that. The GPS Support Flock Community is powered by SupaPass and it is where you’ll find all of my resources going forward. I’m incredibly excited to offer it to you. While there are free resources available to those who register, if you choose to join our flock, you’ll have access to twice monthly group support coaching calls, all past and future workshops, weekly motivational messages, worksheets, activities and support for podcast episodes and more. All of this for only $27/month! 

I’ve already uploaded some workshop topics including: My Life Isn’t What I Expected, What is Love, Why Resolutions Don’t Work & College Breaks

And one of last week’s motivational messages was titled: Where are you living? Are you ready for the surge in your life? 

I’m incredibly proud of the offerings, and I’m excited for it to grow into the community that you need. 

Should you be in a place where you don’t need the community support but you would like to support the podcast. There’s a place for you to buy me a cup of coffee - or two or three - to help make that happen! Coffee is a big energy boost for me! 

Learn about all of the offerings I just mentioned - and more - by visiting my website YourEmptyNestCoach.com and clicking on the Community link

Of course, that link will be in my show notes. Our next GPS Support Flock Community office hours or group coaching session is Wednesday, September 8th at 7:30 PM EST - I’d love to see you there!

As for this podcast, I’ll be releasing episodes monthly September through June. With more time between episodes, I’ll be focused on serving the GPS Support Flock Community in a way that dives deeper into the podcast episode content and more. 

00:11:53

computer game level up music (short)] 

My Lessons Learned 

I have a 2007 Honda Odyssey. I do love my van, our family has moved quite often - for a variety of reasons and my daughter has even said to me that she feels more home in the van than our actual houses/apartments because it has been more constant in her life than any of our homes. It has been so good to our family. 

Over the years, though, the headlights on my car had become super cloudy.

Honestly, I’m not sure how any light was coming through them at all- and I couldn’t get them clean via a carwash or some of my own muscle and cleaning supplies. I decided to have them restored. Honestly, I think it was the best $100 I have spent in a long time. It was wild to see the change!  My car looks ten years younger - I guess I gave it a facelift - [giggle] - and when I drive at night, it’s amazing to be able to really see things. 

Now, the cloudiness of the headlights didn’t happen overnight. I would have noticed that. It took time, it took weather, hours, days, months of driving for the headlights to begin to cloud over and eventually block light from escaping. 

As mothers, we sometimes spend so much time thinking of our partners, our children, and others that our own light slowly begins to cloud over - the light being what I like to call our own internal GPS: who we are outside of our roles, outside of what we do for a living - or don’t do, outside of our actions we have taken that we identify with - actions that embarrass us and other actions that we are proud of. 

00:13:28

When our light covers over - even when it happens unintentionally due to life - it makes it almost impossible for us to see where to head in life - what direction to go. It also, whether we know it or not, becomes impossible for others to see who we are and that’s because we cover ourselves up so much that we barely know who we are. This is how things get fuzzy in life and  - we become identified with that clouded over version of ourselves - that light - and we begin to fiercely protect it because even though it is harder to see where we should be headed - we’ve adjusted to it and we’ve gotten used to it. 

Then, one day, we might decide to do some cleaning, some work on ourselves. We might even begin being kind to ourselves - in the thoughts we think about ourselves, in the actions that we take to better ourselves and we begin to shine brighter. I imagine this as a dimmer switch where we slowly head toward illumination mode - I talk about this in prior episodes. This all takes tremendous work: to do the thought-clearing, to become your own biggest fan and to trust your internal GPS - after all, that light has been hiding for so long. 

The wild part is that when things begin to clear - when restoration occurs - there are suddenly beams of light shining in our life that weren’t there earlier. And while these beams of light do help us to see better, they also have the potential to be more than your eyes can handle right away. It may even feel like you might have been better with the cloudy cover. 

00:15:00

Time is needed to adjust to the growth, and discomfort as your light begins to shine again. Remember that your bright light - finding your true self - also could shine brightly for others who just aren’t ready for it yet. They might need to put some sunglasses on. And I’m not saying you need to hide your light - no, not at all - I would never tell you that, but I’d be doing you a disservice if I didn’t warn you that some in your life may need time to soak it all in. They may love your light but the initial shock of it might make them flinch. As you begin to grow - to show your light - to become the Conscious Effective Olympian of Your Life, trust that the true you - your internal GPS is what the world needs. 

What you may notice is some are drawn to your light and others may find it startling because suddenly, you’re not fitting into the narrative that they’ve created about you, but ultimately (and this is really important) shining your light is what is going to illuminate your journey for your life ahead. Your journey. So I ask you, how cloudy is the cover on your internal GPS?  

[00:16:12]

[computer game level up music (short)] 

Ask Coach Christine

My emerging adult is at College and is homesick. What should I do? 

Great question and I have a special shout out to my TikTok friend Mariadoor who suggested this topic for hotline video content - she also was kind enough to support the podcast through my new community. I just mentioned by buying me a cup of coffee - well, she did that! Thank you so much Mariadoor. I appreciate you - and so do my listeners!

Back to homesickness - I’ll call it missing home - as it isn’t really a sickness - it’s normal. While not ALL emerging adults experience it, for those who do, it could happen right away or it may kick in after a couple months of living on their own. It could be something like a meal, a holiday or a situation that brings on the emotions of missing home. 

What can you do?

As much as possible, be available when they need to chat, and do your best to listen as you hold space for them. Hold yourself back from solving it for them. 

Listen. 

I’ve mentioned this before but I like to imagine that we transition into a bit more of a coach role than a parent role as our emerging adults “emerge.” It reminds us as parents that we aren’t here to solve everything anymore but to be a resource and guide. I know (trust me) that it can be easier said than done, after all, it is really easy to jump into problem solving mode because while they may be 18, 28 or even older, they are always our baby. 

 

Is it a good idea to run to campus and bring them home for the weekend? While it is always an option you can choose, I would hesitate to do that in the first month or so - unless there is an emergency - as doing that removes the opportunity for them to process through their emotions It also removes them from other students who are experiencing the same thing - which can be quite bonding to be stuck on campus together. 

It’s a great time to create a care package.

Always take deep breaths - for your own sake. Process through your emotions of their homesickness. What are you making it mean? Use all of the tools I talk about on this podcast - they’ll help. Your emerging adult’s emotions of them missing home may last a few hours or a few days - just like us processing through our empty nesting emotions - there is no set timeline.

Oh, and I did create the hotline video for this. If you want to see it, link will be in my show notes. 

 

00:18:41

[quirky music under segment]

Christine? Christine? Christine, where are you? 

The best place to find me is in the GPS Support Flock Community, of course. 

And believe it or not, I’m gearing up to speak at an in-person conference in October! She Podcasts Live ‘21 - I’ll be speaking about TikTok - what I like about it, how podcasters can use it even when they don’t have a huge audience, and more! My flight is booked, hotel is reserved, my dear podcasting friends will be meeting me there, and my daughter will be joining me! She does have her own plans for some of our time but what better place to spend time with your daughter than a place that has the goal to help women to share their voices with the world? It’s incredibly exciting! Should you want to know more about the conference, I’ll have a link in the bio - or feel free to reach out and ask away. I’d love to see you there!

00:19:37

[computer game level up music (short)]  

 

Celebrating You and Your Wins [sound] 

My win? I’m going with my ability to stay present is increasing exponentially daily and it feels great. I’m also celebrating that the GPS Support Flock Community is finally back to flying!

As for your wins, I’m happy to share recent wins from followers on TikTok and Instagram! See my show notes to click through to view these wins and cheer everyone on. As always, please forgive any mispronunciations:

First, from instagram NextchapterEmptyNest shares, I’ve been trying to decide what I want to do, how do I want to grow, what do I want to learn. My win is that I decided this week to sign up for a podcast course to learn more and grow my podcast. I’m so excited - first that I made a decision and now that have goals to meet.

LaurenJeanKinghorn, “Just launched my new podcast & YT channel, Fempreneurs Unite, with and interview and an awesome giveaway.”

On Tiktok, Olivia shares “moving away from home for college tomorrow. Excited and nervous about it.”

The.Elise.Diaries, “I listened to my body’s needs and ate intuitively! And I practiced my guitar and sang and I sound really good! It’s a win that I’m positive about me.

?? (double question mark) shares, “I went to college and had a panic attack but I got through by myself.

Gay Frog, shares with us “I managed to find my way home after I got on the wrong bus. I know it’s not big but I was scared and it was pouring down rain.”

Side note: No win is too small. They all count. They all build up to bigger things. And I’ll be honest, this doesn’t feel super small to me. You should be really proud of yourself. 

Finally, Sunny day shares, “Going to look at a new school for autistic because I’m autistic.”

00:21:21

[cheering sounds]

Thank you all for sharing your wins. Now my listener, I want you to take a couple of moments here and think of a recent win of yours: small - or big, that you can celebrate.Got it? Okay now, pump your hands in the air, do a little wiggle of joy and a small cheer. You should be really proud of yourself.

As a reminder, you can always share your win with us! You may send it to me in my DMs on social media, use my google voice number, yes, that’s in my show notes, or pop in the comments of my win videos posted on TikTok or Instagram: just be sure to add the microphone emoji.

00:22:05

[computer game level up music (short)] 

What’s in your life’s toolbox? 

As a reminder, these are things that bring you joy, or allow you to reset yourself in life in one way or another. Some are escapes that allow you the grace to have time until you’re able to process deeper or to allow your mind a bit of time to recalculate to what’s next; other things are tools and resources that allow you to do the deeper work - like working on your presence, finding a community (check out the GPS support Flock if you need one), listening to this podcast, or doing private coaching with me - or someone else. As always, I’d love for you to share what you use in your life’s toolbox for either moment in life - use that Google voice number to share, or DM me!

What’s in my toolbox? 

Well, with the emotional ups and downs that I’ve had over the last few months, I have found myself enjoying a bit of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. Not daily or anything like that but enough to think - you know what? I don’t usually eat ice cream and sometimes, I just want some ice cream and a sad movie. Yes! I did the ice cream and watch the movie Beaches thing. It was exactly what I needed in that moment. I enjoyed it thoroughly. I consciously chose to do it and decided that this is a great top of the toolbox item for me - used in moderation.  Choosing to put it in my life’s toolbox has been kind of fun. It’s a really great tool to consciously use until I have time to really be able to dive deeper into my thoughts and everything. What kind of things do you use on emotional days? 

00:23:41

Let’s find the funny!

[giggles from others] 

Do you know about the show TaskMaster? I’m fairly certain I’ve mentioned it before on this podcast - and the New Zealand series is now available on YouTube. Holy Cow, the season two cast is a riot - and has provided me with many laughs recently. Laughter really is good for our souls.

00:24:03

[computer game level up music (short)] 

What I Wish My  Parents Knew

Showing up unexpectedly at college to check in on your kiddo and demand to be let into the dorm isn’t  - uh - how shall we say -  always appreciated. And, no, you don’t automatically have access to their school records if they haven’t given you permission. Please don’t go around your student and make a scene. It isn’t fun for anyone - especially your college student. 

00:24:31

Two Questions for You

Question 1:  Is anyone in your life missing home?

and Question 2:  How bright are you shining your light into the world? 

As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.

My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.

If you enjoy this episode please don’t forget to share it with others, it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. And of course, follow the show in your favorite podcast player!

I’ll be back with a new episode in October where I’ll share some lessons I’ve learned through my marriage separation, I’ll talk about the narratives we have for our lives, remind you about sunk costs and more.

My beautiful friend, life is no joke and you are managing it. While our life has moments that are amazing and beautiful, it also has heart wrenching and fear-inducing moments. This totality of life is what helps us to grow. Be sure that you are living in the moment you are currently in - rather than living in the past or the future. Because missed moments are sometimes missed growth opportunities. 

You’ve got this. Enjoy the journey and never forget that you are amazing. Chat next time!

[end music]

[00:25:53]

[bloopers]

00:26:02

Are you still listening? 

Take a deep breath in my friend. Let the air out and as the air exits your lungs, let go of negative energy, let go of negative thoughts about yourself and as you breathe in again fill your body with positive energy and only loving thoughts about yourself. 

[end music]

[end]

145: Monday Motivation & My Wish For You Today 💚

145:  Monday Motivation & My Wish For You Today 💚

Hello, my amazing friend!

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"My wish for you today is that you have clarity in your life on what you need to do today. And I’m not talking about the 400 things in your mind that you need to accomplish all year, I’m talking about the handful of things that are do-able for today."

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

@emptynestcoach 's podcast episode today: Monday Motivation & My Wish for You Today

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This Episode is Brought To You By

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:41 Quick Reminders
  • 01:04 My Wish for You Today & a New Exercise to Consider

Episode Resources

Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 1-920-LIFEWIN (1-920-543-3946). 📞

Legal disclaimer: Listening to this podcast doesn't make Christine your official coach, and this podcast is not meant to replace your doctor or therapist. Curious? Click here for the deets!

First time here? Try these episodes & resources:

For those who are freaking out about the empty nest years. It is time to make the rest of your life the best of your life!

Subscribe To This Podcast

It is FREE!

Want to get notified of new episodes directly on your phone? Subscribe to this podcast using your favorite app!

The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 145

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #145.  If you are new here, know that I tend to use terms I’ve used in prior episodes - should you feel a bit lost when this happens, I invite you to use my show notes for a list of earlier episodes to get caught up! High-level, I’m all about coaching you to become the CEO of Your Life and in my world, CEO stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up 

[level-up music]

your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.

I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. Here we go…

[short intro music]

00:00:41

Some quick reminders: You’ll find a ton of information, resources and more on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com. I love feedback on the episodes - see my show notes for how to do that - and if you enjoy this podcast, don’t forget to follow in your favorite podcast player. SupaPass, who powers our online community, (that’s coming soon) is our fabulous episode sponsor. 

00:01:04

[computer game level up music (short)]  

My Wish for you Today

My wish for you today is that you have clarity in your life on what you need to do today. And I’m not talking about the 400 things in your mind that you need to accomplish all year, I’m talking about the handful of things that are do-able for today. 

How about a 1-2-3 Exercise? 

Choose at least:

One thing for self-care

Two things that HAVE to be done and

Three small things that you have to get done to serve the tomorrow-you.

Make them small and do-able

If you are my age and you watched a lot of Sesame Street as a child, there was this song that had in it 1,2,3. I won’t sing it because I don’t own the rights to it, but as I was assembling this, that song flowed through my mind. 

So, a little bit more on each one of these.

00:01:51

ONE for self-care - it doesn't have to be a full on spa appointment, it could be you painting your nails. And if you have more time, don’t feel limited to one thing. 

TWO things that HAVE to be done. These I think of as the larger items such as for me, go to work and be productive at work - I could use the one-two three method within my work day as well. But Work and packing my Lunch would be two things that I would have under number two. 

And Three small things that serve tomorrow-you, again, SMALL THINGS. If you have extra time, great add things on but not until you do the three small things - I don’t want to limit you with examples but I’ll give you a few anyway. Maybe it is prep food for your lunch tomorrow, or layout your workout clothes for tomorrow, or call someone you have been needing to call. Don’t limit yourself in any of these categories. 

You determine them and make this exercise your own. 

It is Monday, it is a brand new day to start your day and week ahead. I’m excited to see what you do with it and I’m cheering you on. 

Happy Monday my beautiful friend. 

You are amazing!

Talk tomorrow. 

[end music]

144: College Graduation Thoughts from a Mom & Plan Your Week Ahead 💚

144: College Graduation Thoughts from a Mom & Plan Your Week Ahead 💚

Hello, my amazing friend!

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"It is really important to understand that in the empty nest adjustment, for most of us, there isn’t a switch that flips that designates when the empty nest happens. It can be a transition that takes months or years - sometimes decades - where we’re navigating our babies becoming independent adults and moving permanently out on their own. Some never reach that. The back and forth, the emotions that arise each time aren’t to be ignored, my friend. They deserve recognition and processing because each stage of this transition is progress - for you and for them. Remember to enjoy the journey, my friend."

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

@emptynestcoach 's podcast episode today: College Graduation Thoughts from a Mom & Sunday Prep for Your Week Ahead

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This Episode is Brought To You By

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:40 Quick Reminders
  • 01:03 Personal Thoughts on Our Daughter's College Graduations
  • 04:10 Sunday Prep Work

Episode Resources

Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 1-920-LIFEWIN (1-920-543-3946). 📞

Legal disclaimer: Listening to this podcast doesn't make Christine your official coach, and this podcast is not meant to replace your doctor or therapist. Curious? Click here for the deets!

First time here? Try these episodes & resources:

For those who are freaking out about the empty nest years. It is time to make the rest of your life the best of your life!

Subscribe To This Podcast

It is FREE!

Want to get notified of new episodes directly on your phone? Subscribe to this podcast using your favorite app!

The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 144

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #144.  If you are new here, know that I tend to use terms I’ve used in prior episodes - should you feel a bit lost when this happens, I invite you to use my show notes for a list of earlier episodes to get caught up! High-level, I’m all about coaching you to become the CEO of Your Life and in my world, CEO stand

s for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up 

[level-up music]

your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.

I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. Here we go…

[short intro music]

00:00:40

Some quick reminders: You’ll find a ton of information, resources and more on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com. I love feedback on the episodes - see my show notes for how to do that - and if you enjoy this podcast, don’t forget to follow this podcast in your favorite podcast player. SupaPass, who powers our online community, (that’s coming soon) is our fabulous episode sponsor.  

00:01:03

[computer game level up music (short)]  

Did you get to listen to my last two episodes? In them, I share ten things to keep in mind when your child graduates from high school. I’d love to know your thoughts on those, and what you’d add.

I’ve recorded this episode earlier in the week, and it is fun to think about our daughter’s high school graduation as this Sunday morning, I’ll be waking up to our daughter’s college graduation day. 

Over the last four years, she’s changed her majors and minors - sometimes by her choice and sometimes because of circumstances. She’s become independent enough to walk around alone for fun in a town that is multiple states away from home. She’s learned to advocate for herself - even more than she already had done - and she’s been reminded that no, everyone won’t necessarily jump on board when you stand up for yourself - be it for what you believe in or for your mental health - but to stay the course, take care of yourself, stay true to what you believe in and your core group of people will rise up. They’ll show who they are in your life. Some of these amazing humans will be in your life for only a season. Some will return, fences will mend, and others well, that season won’t be coming back. That’s okay too. She’s learned a whole bunch more but for now, I wanted to share some thoughts of where I am. 

If my daughter will have allowed it, I’ll have posted some photos on Instagram this past weekend, feel free to check it out. She’s a force to be reckoned with and I couldn’t be more proud of the bravery she’s had to head out to an out of state college knowing no one at the age of fourteen. No, it hasn’t been a cake-walk but she’s met true peers and friends for life who “get” her which is honestly, what I, as her mother, was hoping for. 

Little secret: I’ve asked her and her friends to pop on my podcast to talk about what it was like to attend college so early. We’ll see if I’m successful with that. I figure it might help someone with a decision - I kind of wish I had something like that - and for everyone else it should be super interesting.

Now, if you are a student listening to this...if you are about to graduate and are feeling a bit lost. Please know that it’s normal. Having doubts about everything? Also normal. Take it one step at a time, you’ve got this. I believe in you and for the record, I’m super proud of you whether you are my child or someone I’ve never met, I am cheering you on.

As for our daughter, she’ll be coming home for some time, and I’ll get to use my own tips on what to do when your child is home for a break - again, and for a bit. 

It is really important to understand that in the empty nest adjustment, for most of us, there isn’t a switch that flips that designates when the empty nest happens. It can be a transition that takes months or years - sometimes decades - where we’re navigating our babies becoming independent adults and moving permanently out on their own. Some never reach that. The back and forth, the emotions that arise each time aren’t to be ignored, my friend. They deserve recognition and processing because each stage of this transition is progress - for you and for them. Remember to enjoy the journey, my friend. 

00:04:13

[computer game level up music (short)] 

As for the Sunday prep work, I thought it would be nice to take a moment to think about our week ahead. 

Yes, right now… you might have a routine that you are used to, and that’s fantastic but I’d like to encourage you to take some time to do an extra little bit of planning this week. 

Yes seriously. Future-you will thank you. 

Think of three things you can accomplish this week that you don’t have on your radar. I’m talking about those things that sneak up on us - maybe it is looking at the next six weeks ahead to see if there is anything you can prep for now.  

For example, I have a colonoscopy coming up - I can make sure I have everything I need for that prep experience. 

Or you could look at birthdays or celebrations that are going on in the next two months and jot down thoughts on how to get ahead on those. 

Have a doctor appointment you are putting off? 

How about a small area you’ve been wanting to declutter? I said a small area. 

I use the three things method in my daily life and even in my work. It is incredibly helpful for me to assess the top three priorities for the day - often I get more than three done but it’s bonus then and it feels amazing. 

Try finding three things to help your future-self. Then get out your calendar or however you plan your days and schedule time to do them. 

Remember, you are gifting your future-self with this time. Just like the thought-delivery inventory we do, planning is work that is worth it. 

I’d love for you to share something you chose to add to your week ahead. 

If your week is off-the-charts busy, that is okay, this is simply a suggestion. If you are motivated by it, try it. Find moments to be thankful, to be present in and use those to reset you when things aren’t so great. 

Go get ‘em

You are amazing!

Talk tomorrow. 

[end music]

103: How to Help Your College Student Prepare for A Different Campus Part 2 of 2 Featuring Dr. Jill Grimes, Author and a Family Physician Focused on College Student Health

103: How to Help Your College Student Prepare for A Different Campus Part 2 of 2 featuring Dr. Jill Grimes, MD

Hello, my ah-mazing empty nest friend, 

If your child is scheduled to head back to campus in four to six weeks, you may have questions about how to best prepare for campus during COVID.

In this episode, I have great fun chatting with Dr. Jill about this topic. We talk about forms, checklists, favorite chapters of her new book, and so much more!

Her book, The Ultimate College Student Health Handbook, Your Guide for Everything from Hangovers to Homesickness, is the perfect reference book for both you and your child. I give it my five happy chick rating, and I invite you to  listen to the full episode. 

We created the COVID Emergency Bag Checklist! Click here or the image below to print your copy now. 

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

Podcast episode!🎙 Is your college student heading back to campus in a few weeks? @JillGrimesMD and @emptynestcoach have some tips for you! 💚 #CollegeParent #EmptyNest #CollegeLife #CollegeStudent #FallSemester #BackToCampus

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What You Will Learn in this Episode 

  • Learn how Dr. Jill became an author and an on-campus health provider
  • What forms Dr. Jill plans to complete ahead of time for her college-aged daughters
  • Student health care center tips and advice
  • The moment we came up with the COVID Emergency Bag Checklist
  • And more!

Where to Find Dr. Jill Grimes Online

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Episode Questions for You To Consider

  1. Have you picked up Dr. Jill’s book yet, or are you on the way to order it?   
  2. What question do you wish I had asked Dr. Jill?

Episode Resources

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FULL TRANSCRIPT: 

Episode 103 of the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast

00:00:00

Christine:  You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast with Coach Christine, episode number 103: How to Help Your College Student Prepare for a Different Campus. This is Part 2 of 2, featuring Dr. Jill Grimes, author, and a family physician focused on college student health. I can’t wait for you to hear this. I work with mothers of high school students and beyond, who are in the trenches with sad and possibly, overwhelming thoughts about what their life will look like when their baby heads to college and begins to leave the nest.  My clients’ big question is what will I do with my time?  Is this you?  I’ve been there, and I get it.  Empowering you to write the next jaw-dropping, amazing chapter in your life is my passion.  I am energized by leading you in the process of exploration and am thrilled when you unlock the power that lies within you.  This podcast is my gift to you.

00:01:00

Hello, my empty nest friend and CEO of Your Life! In this episode, I welcome Dr. Jill Grimes to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast. I am crazy excited to have her here. I have read her book: “The ULTIMATE College Student Health Handbook: Your Guide for Everything from Hangovers to Homesickness.” It is fabulous. I’m going to keep the copy I have for myself and pick up another one for my daughter. Yes, it’s that good. Speaking of my daughter, I asked her to take a look at my copy of Dr. Jill’s book. My daughter’s comment was, “This book will be great to have in my dorm room, especially as a peer RA, as residents may have concerns that I don’t know anything about.”

00:01:46 

Well done, Dr. Jill, on creating one of the few resources that when I shared with my daughter, I didn’t get the “Okay, Mom” eye roll. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, consider yourself lucky.  No, my friend, I’m not immune to it either.

 

00:02:01

Dr. Jill Grimes is a nationally recognized medical media expert, award-winning author, medical editor, and Board-Certified Family Physician.  Her passion is prevention.  After two decades of private practice, Dr. Grimes now enjoys seeing patients part-time at the University of Texas in Austin.  What you, my listener will be interested in is that she is also a proud mom to two awesome collegiate daughters.

00:02:29

I don’t think I could find a more perfect guest for this podcast at this particular time.  My daughter’s scheduled to head back to college in four weeks, so this is timely for me, as well.  Dr. Jill’s book is a wonderful reference book containing topics such as sunscreen, tattoos, hangovers, the “missing” tampon, nose bleeds, and so much more.  You know that first aid kit I mentioned in the last episode?  Dr. Jill’s book has a Bonus Section about your DIY First Aid Kit.  You have to check it out for yourself.  I give this book my highest rating, five happy chicks! 

 

00:03:09

At the end of this episode, I’m also going to give you a couple of follow up things that Dr. Jill and I talked about offline after the recording.  She has a blog, media interviews and more on her website, so I encourage you to dive into those to learn more about amazing Dr. Jill.  Also, if you find you wish I asked her other questions, please don’t hesitate to send them in as an audio message or email, and we’ll see if we can get them answered on an upcoming episode!  I’ll be asking her a handful or so of questions today.

 

00:03:40 

Before we dive in, a quick reminder, that if you find yourself talking back to me at any part of this episode; if something resonates with you; or if you have a quick tip to share with my audience, please take the opportunity to leave me audio feedback either through SpeakPipe or my Google Voice number. You’ll find the information to do this in the description of this episode: on Apple Podcasts click “Details”; on Spotify click “See More”; on Overcast press the I for information button. Get the idea? Of course I always have full show notes with links to anything I discuss in the episode, and a full episode transcription on my website. Those reside at YourEmptyNestCoach.com/P (for podcast) and 103 (for this episode’s number). (YourEmptyNestCoach.com/P103). I can’t wait to hear from you!

00:04:30

Thanks!  Thank you!  It’s time to thank our sponsor.  This episode is sponsored by my membership community, The GPS Support Flock; Your Flight to Success in the Empty Nest. If you are ready to find the GPS of your life, sign up to receive an immediate and free download of my PDF, "How to Find Yourself in the Empty Nest," our GPS Life Principles document. You will also have the opportunity to learn about our community. See the link in this episode's show notes or fly on over to my website, YourEmptyNestCoach.com. Click the GPS Support Flock button.  See you soon! 

00:05:16

Christine:  Welcome to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, Dr. Jill Grimes.

Dr. Jill:  Thank you so much for having me.  I’m thrilled to be here.

Christine:  I’m thrilled to have you here today, and I love that your daughter is the illustrator of your book.  Now, was that something that you had planned all along, or did it just happen to work out?

Dr. Jill:  Oh, my goodness, I am just thrilled that it worked out.  No, it was not something I planned all along.  In fact, I just didn’t think a publisher would agree to that, because they have in-house artists.  What happened is, my daughter, I’ve been asking her to draw pictures and sketches for my medical presentations for years now, because that way I don’t have to worry about copyrights.  She’s done them; I’m not stealing anyone’s ideas, and besides that, I can make it look how I want to make it look.  She was doing that, and when I submitted my book proposal, I submitted her pictures along with it.  They said, well, is she available to be the illustrator, and I’m like, yes.  I’m thrilled.  It worked out great.

Christine:  I love that so much, and I identify with it, because I’ve also had my daughter make drawings for me, for the same reason.

Dr. Jill:  Yes, it’s super convenient.  I will say, in fairness to my daughter, she had actually already had a job at her university.  She attends Loyola Marymount University in LA, and she got a job as an illustrator for their press.  She had already had that work experience which certainly gave her a leg up in getting the job.

Christine:  That’s excellent.

Dr. Jill:  Proud mom brag.  I’m allowed.

Christine:  Yeah, go her.  That’s awesome.  Well, I’ve already taken the liberty of introducing you to my listener already, so if it’s okay with you, I’d like to jump right into my questions for you.  Are you good with that?  

Dr. Jill:  Outstanding. Absolutely.

Christine:  Awesome.  So what brought you to where you are today, working part-time, writing books, serving college patients?

Dr. Jill:  My path has been a little bit unusual.  So, I always knew I wanted to be a doctor, from the time I was very little.  Neither of my parents were doctors.  My dad was a professor, and my mom was a mom, and a fabulous one.  They told me I could anything and be anything, and I wanted to be a doctor, and I did become one.  I started off with my own private practice, which I loved, but unfortunately, my mother developed Alzheimer’s and at the same time, our kids were very young, and it was just too much.  There’s only so many hours in the day, so I went to part-time, and then, a few years later, I’m like, no, it’s still too much running my own practice, even with another physician.  And so, I stopped my own practice, and went to work for someone else, where I could just walk in, be the doctor, walk out, and not have to hire and fire staff, and do all of that, and that was great.  Meanwhile, I ended up writing my first book, and I sort of naïvely thought as a doctor I could write a book, and the publisher would take it and go put in bookstores and it would sell, and I would keep being a doctor and that’s how it would go.  They said, no, that’s not how it works.  So, I ended up becoming a media person, and doing a lot of radio and some television, and speaking to larger groups and that was, you know, part of my career.  So, I stayed part-time, and I’m also that “Girl Scout Mom.”  So, I was the Girl Scout leader, and then in a national charity league, which was a mother/daughter service organization.  I loved being super involved.  Our daughters both danced.  I was the team photographer.  So as you can see, like many of us, I like doing a lot of different things, and I’m not the primary breadwinner.  My husband is.  He is also a physician.  In our family, it worked for me to stay part-time, and then, after getting into this book writing thing, and I’m realizing I had more books in me that I wanted to do.  I want to just be even more part-time, and as our kids went off to college, I’ve always been involved with their friends and their age group, so it was a really natural fit for me to work in a college setting.  And I live in Austin, and the University of Texas, I had worked there just you know helping out occasionally over the years for many years, and they needed me.  I wanted to be there, and so I’m very part-time there, but it’s wonderful ‘cause it works for both of us.

Christine:  That’s fantastic.

Dr. Jill:  Kind of a long answer, sorry.

Christine:  No, I love those answers.  More for us to get to know you.  

Dr. Jill:  There you go.

Christine:  It’s also, as you’re talking, I’m like, she’s so perfect for us to listen to right now.   And a total slacker in the mom department, that’s sarcasm.  So, I know you have at least one daughter heading back to campus in the fall?

Dr. Jill:  Two.  I have two.  One’s in grad school, and she’s in Saint Louis at Wash U, and then the younger one is a Loyola Marymount.

Christine:  Awesome.  So, with them going back to college, or I guess, the grad school, she’s there already, probably?  Right?  Is she there yet?

Dr. Jill:  Actually, no.  She’s remote also, unfortunately.

00:10:14

Christine:  Okay, so, this question works.  Okay.  Awesome.  So, as a doctor, wear your doctor hat more, and parent hat a little bit, what’s your biggest concern with your children heading back to campus, in our current pandemic?  And is there anything you’re doing in preparation for that?

Dr. Jill:  Well, it’s a little hard to sort out, because obviously I wear the different hats.

Christine:  Yes.

Dr. Jill:  But honestly, one of my concerns is just that COVID is going to be tying up the healthcare system so much, that I want to be sure that our girls are even more prepared than usual, to take care of all their non-COVID health issues.  Of course, I’m a text away for them, and that’s great, but particularly the younger one, out in LA, does not have a car and so I want to make extra sure that her college first aid kit is super well stocked, because if, you know, she’s got a cough, well, then I’m going to be worried about COVID.

Christine:  Right.  I know.

Dr. Jill:  But still, but if she has a cough from just having allergies --

Christine:  Yes.

Dr. Jill:  -- I want to make sure that she’s got more on hand and understands when she’s supposed to use what.  We have spent a little bit of time already this summer, talking about some of those different things, and you know, when is it appropriate to access the healthcare system and all of that.  Obviously, with COVID, everything is different and honestly, my biggest challenge has been finding them a new thermometer, because, you know, you can’t find thermometers.  They’re sold out.

Christine:  I somehow got some on Amazon.

Dr. Jill:  Excellent.

Christine:  I must have gotten really lucky.  

Dr. Jill:  Yes.

Christine:  I can’t find disinfecting wipes.

Dr. Jill:  Yes.  It’s a challenge.

Christine:  It is.

Dr. Jill:  I’ve always been a proponent of the digital oral thermometers, and that’s what I was looking for.  Now, they have all the no-touch infrared ones, and I am assuming that they are relatively accurate.  The things that have the roller on them, that it rolls across the forehead, those are not accurate.  

Christine:  Oh, good to know.

Dr. Jill:  The ear ones are mostly accurate.  I haven’t seen any great studies on the accuracy of the other ones, which is of course, what everyone is relying on, as we move forward with COVID.

Christine:  Yeah.  Yeah.

Dr. Jill:  There’s some different challenges this year, but I think the biggest one is going to be the ability to access the healthcare system when they need it, because the healthcare system is going to be tied up with COVID.

Christine:  That’s a really good point.  It’s interesting, because I was just reading, in my daughter’s school’s policy and procedure.  If you think you have COVID, because we started talking about this, you go to the health center, at her school, they’ll do contact tracing, and they’ll do a test for her.  And that’s her school, I know they’re all a little different.

Dr. Jill:  Right.

Christine:  But what we were talking about is that then she’ll move, like say she tests positive, she moves to an off campus --

Dr. Jill:  To a quarantine.

Christine:  -- and I said, you know, I think we should think about this.  What if that happens?  You’re not going to have much notice.  It’s kind of like you’re pregnant, and you need that bag, or at least the list.

Dr. Jill:  Right.  Exactly.

Christine:  ‘Cause you’re not going be able to go back to your dorm room --

Dr. Jill:  No.

Christine:  -- during this time.

Dr. Jill:  Right.  So, the one thing that’s a little different is that if they’re going to go -- I want to say, for the listeners, in general, most of the health centers are not going to say to go there.  They’re going to say you need to call first, and that’s an actual phone call, not just a text and getting an appointment online.

Christine:  Good point.

Dr. Jill:  Because they want to talk with you through the triage nurses, and make sure that you’re coming in the right entrance, and you know, all the schools are going to handle this a bit differently.  But almost all of them that I’m aware of, start with a phone call, which is not something our college kids are necessarily used to doing.

Christine:  No, not at all.  Yeah.

Dr. Jill:  Second thing is, when you go, whether you’re going to a hospital or whether you’re going to a clinic, be sure you take your electronic chargers with you.  Because once you go into isolation, that’s going to be your connection, and you’re going to need your charger.  That’s something that ordinarily, kids don’t always pack those in their backpack automatically.  They’ll have their phone; they always have their phone, but you need the charger, too, and not just the portable.

Christine:  Yeah.  We need a list.  Let’s do a list.

Dr. Jill:  It’s a good idea.  We should do a list.  I agree.

Christine:  We’re going to do a list, listener.  We’re going to have that available, because I think you’re going to have your own special list, but I think having a starting point would be really good.  We’ll talk offline, if that’s okay, Dr. Jill.

Dr. Jill:  Sure.  

Christine:  Excellent.

Dr. Jill:  Excellent.  Absolutely.

Christine:  Okay.  Here’s my next question, those of us who already have our children in college, should have already thought of this, but sometimes we don’t.  Are there any medical forms or processes, that we as college parents, should have already filled out, that maybe we didn’t think about.  I know there’s some things with age, like sometimes they don’t even have to tell us as parents, things that happen.  Are there any pitfalls that you see in college patients with the process?

Dr. Jill:  Sure.  So let me start by saying, again, I have a graduate student, and a rising senior in college.  I have never filled out forms in advance, so this is new for all of us, and with COVID, I actually think it is a good idea to go ahead and fill out, there are a couple of forms, each school will probably have their own HIPAA release.  HIPAA is the privacy act forms.

Christine:  Yes.

Dr. Jill:  And so there’s a release of information and you can check on your child’s -- not child, your young adult.

Christine:  I say child.  Aren’t they always our children?

Dr. Jill:  Yeah, they’re still our babies.  They’re babies.  Anyway, you can check on their university’s website, and see if they have a specific form, or you can go to -- I know there’s several online paraform organizations, like one is called Mama Bear forms, and I’m not speaking for them; I have not used them myself, but I know I’m aware of many people who have.

Christine:  Got it.

Dr. Jill:  I understand it’s about $50 to get two forms, and one is the release and the other is the medical power of attorney, and that would be important if your child, who is 21, or whatever, anything over 18, if they were unconscious in a hospital, unable to make decisions on their own.  This would really smooth things out paperwork wise, if you had this already filled out and notarized ahead of time.

Christine:  Got it.

Dr. Jill:  And so, this year, I probably will go ahead and do those forms for both of our daughters. 

Christine:  That’s really good information.  Thank you.

Dr. Jill:  Yeah.  The other thing I really want to say is that as a provider at a university, honestly, it’s really not to me, it’s our nursing staff, and our phone triage people, get inundated with angry parents saying, I want to know is my kid there, being seen.  I need all the parents to know, we can’t even say that they’re there, or they’re not there, not without your child’s permission. 

Christine:  Yes.

Dr. Jill:  So our hands are tied, so please don’t be upset with the health staff, they’re not trying to be difficult.  Honestly, we’re trying to do the best we can for your kid.  For something like, something we see all the time, like say your kid is really sick there, so they’ve got food poisoning, or they’ve got mono, and they’re just really down and out, and we need to kind of have them there for a bit, maybe to give them some IV fluids.  The parents know that they were on their way there, and it’s just like, text your kid.  They can text back.  We don’t take away their phones.  They can answer and most providers are going to be willing to talk to a parent, but we can’t call the parent, if the student is talking to the parent, and the student, right there in front of you says, “Would you talk to my parent,” and hands us the phone, then we can say something.  Every school’s got their nuances of that, but just know that the healthcare providers are really -- we care about the kids a ton.  I don’t know anyone that works where I work that doesn’t just honestly love college students.  We’re all there, there’s not a lot of money in college health.  We’re there because we love the environment; we love the enthusiasm; we love young people, and we want to help them.  Please know that your kids are in good hands.

Christine:  Yes.  That makes me feel good as a parent.

Dr. Jill:  We give a lot of hugs.

Christine:  Well now, social distanced, right?

Dr. Jill:  Yeah.  Yeah.  I guess, now we don’t.  No, we’re not hugging.  Virtual hugs.

Christine:  Yeah, exactly.  I have a new favorite GIF and it’s the little raccoon that does this.

Dr. Jill:  Yes.  Exactly.

Christine:  I’ll have to put it in my show notes.  It’s very important.

Dr. Jill:  Absolutely.

Christine:  So, Dr. Jill has a book that she’s written, and there is a theme -- I’m going to talk about it a little more in a bit, but there’s a familiar theme in your book, I noticed, about washing your hands --

Dr. Jill:  Pre-COVID.

Christine:  Yes.  This is pre-COVID.  Washing your hands to avoid illnesses, and while it isn’t COVID-specific, I see the knowledge dropped already within your book, on how to minimize your chances of picking up the common cold and such, which is great.  Why does it take us humans a pandemic to notice these things, not that I expect you to have an answer.  But that isn’t my question.  My question is related to your book.

Dr. Jill:  Okay.

Christine:  Do you have a favorite chapter of your book, and if so, why is it your favorite chapter?

Dr. Jill:  Okay, so every author out there knows that that’s like asking like, do I have a favorite child, so hard to pick.  But I will say a little bit in deference to our younger child, who’s the illustrator, probably if I had to only pick one topic in this, it would be the insomnia chapter, because I was talking with her about doing illustrations and figuring out which chapters we could use pictures for, and I’m like, oh, this is great, we can have all the solutions to insomnia in this picture.  That’s my favorite chapter.  One, because there’s a ton of things that kids can do that they don’t realize, kids and adults, in and out of school, ways that you can - - insomnia, before you ever get to the point of being so frustrated that you haven’t slept in a week, and in college student’s case, that they’re flunking a class, then coming in.  So this gives them a lot of things that they can do on their own, and tells them again, when it’s come in and let us help.

Christine:  Excellent.  I love that.

Dr. Jill:  Thanks.

Christine:  Now, I’ve got to go back and look at that chapter.  So this week, I actually received a listener question for you.  

Dr. Jill:  Great.

Christine:  Thanks to Deb, from Connecticut, for the following question.  I’m going to read it for you.  “Hi Christine, I think parents need to talk to their kids about what happens if they do get COVID when returning to college.  If they’re close enough, do they come home?  Is there a COVID dorm?” Well, we’ve already talked about that, that the college offers, and would they be expected to stay there.  Think about the options before they go and discuss.  Emotions will be running high --

Dr. Jill:  For sure.

Christine:  -- if they do come down with it.  Interestingly enough, we covered a lot of it, but yeah.  Any additional thoughts on that?

Dr. Jill:  I think setting expectations upfront is really good and helpful, and yes, if I get that phone call that one of our girls has COVID, is my instinct going to be to jump on a plane, ‘cause my kids are a thousand miles away in different directions, you know, is that going to be my instinct?  Yes, that’s going to be my instinct.  Am I going to do it?  I hope not.  One thing we really need to remember is that although COVID is scary for a lot of reasons, still the vast majority of disease is mild, and hopefully, if and when our kids get it, they will fall under that category of mild disease.  They’re going to be uncomfortable.  They’re going to be achy.  They might be miserable, but it may not be medically scary, and I don’t think we need to immediately go somewhere.  

Christine:  Got it.

Dr. Jill:  The great thing is that now we’ve got our smartphones, we can see them, we can Facetime.  We can talk with them.  I don’t think we need to be just running -- we’re not going to swoop them in and take them to a hotel.  I’m sure that when you check into a hotel, they’re going to say, “Do you have COVID?”

Christine:  Right.

Dr. Jill:  I don’t think ethically we can take someone with COVID to a hotel.  Could you do an AirBNB?  Yeah, I think that honestly, I think that’s a reasonable thing.  I think if my kid were in a situation where I felt I needed to be there, that’s probably what I would do, is I would try and rent a home, rather then -- because I don’t think ethically, you can take them to a hotel, with the shared ventilation systems and all of that.

Christine:  Right.

Dr. Jill:  Just talking with them ahead of time, to say, hey, you know, if you get this, the first thing that’s going to happen is you’re going to be isolated, we want to make sure that you have your phone charger and your phone, and your iPad and your computer, and the chargers for those with you.  You’ll have to figure out how the campuses are going to be delivering food to them.  How are they going to check their symptoms and move forward? All of this changes, of course, if your child actually were to be immune-compromised.  We know if our kids have special risk factors that would change our immediate concern.  But if they are the average overall healthy kid, and asthma does not seem to be making COVID worse, oddly enough.  We have not really seen a big thing like that, so if they’re a standard, overall healthy kid, I don’t think we need to be swooping in immediately.

00:23:06

Christine:  That’s good advice.  I like your honesty, too.  I hopefully will not swoop in.  I appreciate that.

Dr. Jill:  You know?

Christine:  I know.  We’re moms.

Dr. Jill:  And it depends on the kids.  You’ve the introverted kid who’s doing just fine in social isolation, and you’ve got an extroverted kid, who is really missing that.  There’s so many factors that weigh into this, but there you go.

Christine:  There really is.  All right.  So, if you could have all of the college parents in the whole world in one huge room, obviously, social distanced.  This is a big hypothetical.  And you could give them one piece of advice, what would it be?

Dr. Jill:  This is a tough one.  I’ve actually been thinking about this since you told me you were going to ask me this, because I’ve got 30,001 things I want to say.

Christine:  Right.

Dr. Jill:  But I think one thing for all of us to remember, and this is directed at me, too, is that:  one, young people are resilient, we’ve already seen that; two, this is sort of - - but not really, not every day of college is fantastic.  If I say think about college right now.  If someone tells me that, I’m going to think about Aggie football games and having so much fun, and the super awesome times that I had in college.  I am not going to think about the night that I sat in my dorm room sobbing hysterically when my first boyfriend broke up with me, or the day that I bombed the test and I thought, oh, my God, I’ll never get into medical school, or the, or the, or the, or the.  We all have those other things.

Christine:  Yeah.

Dr. Jill:  The problem is, is our kids grew up, and especially now, in this high pressure, what college are you going to, and all of that that we do to our kids.  We didn’t grow up saying oh, yeah, I had bad days in college.  They grew up hearing us or going with us to football games, and having these fabulous times.  One of the things that I think we forget to tell our kids, is that it’s not all great, and that’s okay.  Because the problem is --

Christine:  So true.

Dr. Jill:  -- they have this image of everything in college is going to be fantastic.  If they weren’t popular in high school, they’re going to go there and suddenly be popular, or if maybe they were super popular in high school, they get to college and they’re not that big fish in a little pond.  But there’s all kinds of disappointments that happen.  A lot of which happen in that first semester away from home, and it’s twice as hard because they think, oh, my God, these are the best years of my life.  That’s what I’ve been told, over and over.  So my one piece of advice is to say, yeah, college, I would say at that point in my life, that was the best time of my life, but it’s not all great, and each year gets better, and each year gets better after college, too.  We have to have more perspective.

Christine:  I love that.

Dr. Jill:  Thank you.

Christine:  It’s such great advice.  It really is.  I say this often, is that I think one of the detriments is that we aren’t taught early on in life that life isn’t supposed to be perfect.

Dr. Jill:  Right.

Christine:  So everyday, things aren’t perfect, so we lose control, and if you just realize, okay, this is the not-perfect thing right now, I mean, it’s not always that easy to say that, but it helps.

Dr. Jill:  And COVID sure is making things not perfect. 

Christine:  Wow, we are really being tested this year.

Dr. Jill:  We’re mastering that one.  Got that one down.  Nailed it.

Christine:  We do.  So what’s the best way for my listener to pick up your amazing book?

Dr. Jill:  Well, because of COVID, I’m going to say the best thing you could do is to support your local bookstores, because I love small independent bookstores.  So, one, start there.  Order it in advance, and then they’ll either deliver to you by mail, or you can drive up and pick it up.  So I would say that number one.  Number two, of course, is on Amazon, and actually, it is also on Walmart and Target online.  If you’re on there shopping for your other dorm stuff, just add it to your cart.

Christine:  Go you, Dr. Jill.  You’re everywhere!  I love it.

Dr. Jill:  I’m in Walmart.  Whoo Hoo!

Christine:  That’s awesome.  

Dr. Jill:  Thank you.

Christine:  So before you go -- it’s so funny, I could talk to you for four hours, I can already tell.  

Dr. Jill:  For sure.

Christine:  So I have four fun questions that I ask every guest of mine.

Dr. Jill:  Okay.

Christine:  Number one, very important, waffles or pancakes?

Dr. Jill:  And I’ve just got to tell you, I swing both ways.  Kind of the --

Christine:  Excellent answer.

Dr. Jill:  -- I gave a lot of thought to this.  So, if it’s a Mickey waffle maker, Mickey waffles, every time.  If there’s link sausage, then pancakes, ‘cause I want to make it pigs-in-a-blanket.  So those are my determining factors.  Anything with fruit and whipped cream, either one is equal.

Christine:  Syrup or no syrup?

Dr. Jill:  Whipped cream over syrup.  Less calories, tastes better, feels like a treat.

Christine:  It does.  That’s awesome.  What is one item you can’t live without and why?

Dr. Jill:  Okay, so my knee jerk reaction to that question is, of course, my phone, because that’s how I talk to my family and how I communicate, but you know what?  I can also do that through my iPad or my laptop, so if it was one thing within that, it would be iMessage.  But I decided to scrap all of that, and the one non-computer thing that I can’t live without is my blender, because I make smoothies every day, and that’s the easiest way for me to keep healthy.

Christine:  Now, I want to ask you twelve more questions.  Is it like protein powder smoothie, or fruits, or --

Dr. Jill:  No, nope.  

Christine:  -- what do you put in your --

Dr. Jill:  Frozen strawberries, two handfuls, I put a lot in there.  Frozen strawberries, banana, that does not have to be frozen, and then Greek yogurt, vanilla yogurt.  That’s it.

Christine:  Oh, it sounds perfect.

Dr. Jill:  Then to clean it, here’s the really important part.  I learned this a long time ago.  

Christine:  Yeah?

Dr. Jill:  You dump it out, you pour water back in the blender, put one drop of your detergent in there, put it back on there, turn it on, it cleans it, rinse it out, you’re done.

Christine:  Oh, yes.

Dr. Jill:  It’s life changing for me. 

Christine:  Pro tip from Dr. Jill today.

Dr. Jill:  There you go.  Clean your blenders, that’s ‘cause that’s the one thing people hate about making smoothies.

Christine:  It is.

Dr. Jill:  So I learned that.  So there you go.

Christine:  That’s excellent.  Oh, wow.  All-time favorite movie and any particular reason?

Dr. Jill:  Okay, so tough one.  If I could only pick one, then I would have to say “Shrek” and that’s because “Shrek” was the first movie we really enjoyed as a family, when the girls were little and driving back and forth, we do these long road trips that take 17 hours, and so we watched “Shrek” a lot, and I love the adult humor.  I loved the animation, didn’t know our youngest was going to become an animator, but it kind of ties it all together for our family.

Christine:  Excellent.  I love that.  So, you have an hour of alone time, no one’s going to bother you.  What’s your go-to thing to do?

Dr. Jill:  Take the dog for a walk or jump on my Peloton. 

Christine:  Really?

Dr. Jill:  Yup.

Christine:  Wow.

Dr. Jill:  Exercise for sure.

Christine:  What kind of dog?

Dr. Jill:  We have a Portuguese Water dog.

Christine:  I can’t even picture that.

Dr. Jill:  It’s what Obama had.

Christine:  Oh, okay.  Thank you.

Dr. Jill:  She’s black and white.  

Christine:  Yeah.

Dr. Jill:  They’re hypoallergenic, and they’re friendly.

Christine:  Excellent.  Excellent.  All right.  So, Dr. Jill, I am beyond thrilled that you took the time to chat with me today.  I’m even more thankful as a parent, that I have your book, and that soon my daughter’s going to have her own copy of your book.  So, my amazing listener, you know I don’t recommend things often in this manner, like I really don’t.  So, this one is a total no-brainer.  Look for Dr. Jill’s book in your local bookstore, if you’re able, or use the non-affiliate link in my show notes.  Is there anything else you would like to share with my amazing listener, Dr. Jill?

Dr. Jill:  Just that, guys, we’re in this together and it’s going to be okay.  College does not look like what any of us want it to look like, right now.  But you know what?  They’re going to have a super unique experience, and they’re going to be telling their kids about that -- college in the pandemic and how we all wore masks, and we’ve learned we can really be flexible and do things differently, and they’re going to find more and more fun things to do outside.  They’re going to have more frisbee golf aficionados, and all kinds of different activities.  So it’s going to be okay.  I’m there with you.  I’m concerned, too, but it’s going to be okay.

Christine:  Wonderful.  Thank you for that reassurance.  I love it.  Thanks again, for being here, and for the incredible resources that you have gifted the world with, and a final thanks for sharing your knowledge with the college parents in my audience.  Thanks for being here today.

Dr. Jill:  Thank you so much.

[Music]

00:31:18

Christine:  I hope you enjoyed this interview, my listener. Dr. Jill’s website is JillGrimesMD.com. I’ll have a link to her website and her socials in the show notes!  When we finished recording, I spoke to Dr. Jill for a few minutes.  We came up with a quick list of items to have prepped in a COVID Emergency Bag.  It isn’t all inclusive but will get you started. She also mentioned that in her first aid kit she’s now recommending that a dorm room, or suite of college students, have access to a pulse oximeter. Her reasoning is that if your child has a cough and fever you would contact the college’s health center but if your child also has access to a pulse oximeter and their oxygen levels are low, then that is right to the hospital worthy.

00:32:07

One final thing we discussed is she recommends a mask that has a pocket for a coffee filter. She has a blog post with all the details on the why.  It totally makes sense and the link, of course, is in my show notes. 

[Music]

00:32:21

The questions I have for you in this episode are: have you picked up Jill’s book yet, or are you on the way to order it?  And the second question is, what question do you wish I had asked Jill?

[Music]

00:32:26

It is time for a quick tip, advice, or thoughts from a listener.

Jo:  I’m here to talk about Instagram, which I have a slight love/hate relationship with, as I’m sure many other people do, as well.  I basically think there is six stages that you go through.  You set up an Instagram account and follow anyone and everyone, in the hopes they’ll follow you back.  Stage two, you realize you can’t possibly go through the posts from 2,000 people, you seem to be following sites you have no interest in, like your neighbor’s cat, who seems to have their own feed.  I mean, what’s that all about anyway?  Any way, you unfollow three-quarters of the people you originally signed up to follow, in order to get your numbers more manageable.  Stage three, is the very next day, when you realize that those three-quarters of people have actually unfollowed you as well.  Stage four, you realize that this is actually good, that now, you only follow people you like and are interested in, and the people who follow you are engaged and seem to like what you do.  Five, you realize when Instagram goes down that perhaps you’re a little bit too tied to it, as you alternate between sulking, rage and full-on panic.  Six, you realize that some of your friends on Instagram are actually more awesome, insightful, and supportive than your real friends, and wonder, if in fact, you can stop following your non-Instagram friends, figuratively speaking, and just live on Instagram.  Okay, so that may be a little bit extreme, but my advice is this: your engagement is what matters.  Interaction with like-minded amazing women living their best life alongside yours, not the number of followers you have.  This isn’t news to many of you, but to those of you who are new to Instagram, or feeling slightly overwhelmed, keep it manageable.  You don’t have to post every day.  Post when you have something to say.  If it gets too much, take a break, come back again.  It’s meant to be fun, not a chore, and don’t go so far down the Instagram rabbit hole that you forget to be present with the people around you.  Anyway, I must go now.  I need to catch up with what Mauggie, my neighbor’s cat’s been up to.

00:34:32

Special Thanks to Jo Davies, for her humorous thoughts on Instagram.  Well my empty nest CEO of Your Life friend, if you enjoyed this episode, I invite you to take a moment to subscribe to this podcast. It is free after all, and it is the best way to be notified of a new podcast episode.  As always, I provide content to make you think. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.  I opened a box today and it told me that you are amazing!  See ya!

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