Empty Nest Success Evangelist specializing in coaching mothers entering the empty nest. ★ Master Motivator ★ Podcast Host ★ Together we'll channel your freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy! ~ Christine, Your Empty Nest Coach
Last week, April Force Pardoe shared tips on how to prepare your home for the empty nest. This week, I thought I would share some thoughts I have about your child’s room: how to adapt it as they head off to and attend college. Enjoy!
Take a listen or read the full transcript below.
⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll all the way down ⇓ so you don’t miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓
Want to subscribe to this podcast? Great news – it is free!
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 34: Your Home on College Breaks: Prepping Your Child’s Room. … Today’s episode is one that feels like a good follow up to our last episode, with April Force Pardoe. If you missed that, she joined me to chat about preparing your home for the empty nest. Originally, I was going to make this two episodes, but decided to combine it into one. Today, we talk about your child’s space in your home, and boundaries on that space. If your child is heading off to college and they’ve had their own space in the house, before they head off to college is a good time to discuss their space in your home moving forward.
00:00:00 Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 34: Your Home on College Breaks: Prepping Your Child’s Room. This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that has been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it is freaking you out. I’ve been there and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
Hello, my future empty nest friend. Before I get started I have a request. My team and I are planning on taking some time off over the holiday season, and rather than going completely silent for that time, we thought we would share listener favorite episodes or snippets. That means that we are looking for your submissions for one of two things, something you learned from the podcast that has helped you, or your favorite episode. For both of these, explain what they mean to you, and tell us what episode number it is from. You may email your recorded submission with your phone audio recorder, or type it out. Send your submissions to email@example.com. We look forward to hearing from you, and thanks for your assistance.
00:01:26 And, as always, a quick reminder that all of my episodes are brought to you by my free seven-day program, the “Empty Nest: A Guide to Uncovering My Future.” And, to be clear, we are talking about your future, not mine. Hop on over to my website, youremptynestcoach.com, and sign up today. Look for the link that says “Uncover Your Future.”
00:01:48 Today’s episode is one that feels like a good follow up to our last episode, with April Force Pardoe. If you missed that, she joined me to chat about preparing your home for the empty nest. Originally, I was going to make this two episodes, but decided to combine it into one. Today, we talk about your child’s space in your home, and boundaries on that space. If your child is heading off to college and they’ve had their own space in the house, before they head off to college is a good time to discuss their space in your home moving forward.
00:02:20 In this episode, I have in mind a family where the child has had their own room that has accumulated items over the last 17 or 18 years. Maybe items of theirs are scattered throughout the house, too. Now, your child is heading off to live on campus for multiple years. Yes, they’ll be home on breaks, but it will be different. They may or may not want to come back to room filled with their stuff animals and collectible “Star Wars” figures. Note, I did say may or may not.
00:02:47 Let’s assume also for this example, this child is heading off to a four-year college, that they will be living on campus, and will be home for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Spring break maybe, and summer for at least two years. Two years? What, Christine? Yes. I know. Look, four years of college means three summers in between. It is quite possible that between their junior and senior year, they may receive an amazing summer internship that doesn’t bring them home for summer in the way that you had imagined. Not to scare you here, but I’m a firm believer in knowing the truth helps process things early. If you plan for that possibility out of the gate, when your child receives said wonderful internship, they won’t have to worry about telling mom and dad, and how they will react, because you have already discussed the possibility.
00:03:40 This transition isn’t easy. Is it? We think we have four years to adjust to all of this, and you might. But with short breaks and them building their life, it becomes evident quickly if your child will be the one out and about that third summer. Great! Now that I’ve sufficiently freaked you out, and I say that jokingly, because as a regular listener of my podcast, you know that this is where you stop and check your thoughts about what I just said. Do you like your thoughts? If not, maybe pause this episode, and do some work there. See episode number 3, and then come back to this. I certainly don’t want to lose you as a listener, but it’s more important to me that you are in the right head space for this project. Are you still with me? Great!
00:04:25 The great news is that you don’t need to spend much money to make simple changes and figure out a few things now. Think about this. If you went through the equivalent of two to three boxes worth of your child’s belongings, over only two years, you will already have a pretty good idea of any remaining items that need to be gone through, if anything at all. It could just be a matter of moving the boxes in a car, and you are done, and they will have helped you with it. Can you imagine? Your child gets their first apartment, you have everything ready, and can purely focus on your own emotional health, theirs, and helping however that is possible for you. Doesn’t that sound nice? Because the opposite could be, your child’s moving, they can’t make it home before they get to their apartment, so you get to go through their belongings that have been left at home. Or, you never do, and they sit in your house year after year, after year. When you move, guess who is dealing with it? You probably won’t have either extreme, but on a sliding scale, what end would you like to be closer to? It’s something worth thinking about right now. While this might not be super easy for either of you to think about, it can be a bonding memorable experience.
00:05:41 Here are my suggestions: one, talk about what they might want their room to look like when they’re home next summer. Two, pack up some boxes ahead of time. For our first item, talk about what they might want their room to look like when they return for the summer. So, take some time, maybe in a coffee shop, or somewhere outside of the home, to tell your almost-adult that you would like to make the transition over the next four years as easy as possible for all of you. Is there something they currently love, that must stay? Is there something that they secretly hated all these years, and could do without? Are there items that they like, but they would rather have them organized in some fashion to move on in their life? Is there something they would love to have in their room?
00:06:28 For this first part, you need to be willing to hear tough things. If your child can’t stand something that you gave them when they were eight years old, and they know that you love that item, or picture, so they would never think to remove it. You need to realize that your thoughts about that item don’t need to be your child’s thoughts about that item. What would be interesting is to ask them why they don’t like it. Their story about it is a bonding experience, and it’s one that might have you laughing your head off. You never know. Heck, you now have a new story about that item, and you can figure out what you would like to do with it together. Maybe them knowing why you like it so much, and vice versa, might give them a new appreciation of it. If they say I don’t want it, maybe you will want to keep the item. But if you don’t, it’s okay. Your child’s love for you is not in an item in their room. They are figuring out who they are in the future, just like we are doing in our new phase of life. Who we are in this moment, doesn’t mean, hopefully, that we’ll be the same person five years from now.
00:07:29 As the minimalists recommend, you can always take a picture of the item to keep the memory, and then, let it go. I would talk about the room a few different times with your child. See if there are consistencies that come up, and then, when you are packing for college, you have another opportunity to go through everything. Maybe they would love to paint the room a different color, or go thrift shopping for a new shelving unit, or hang pictures of their college friends, who they have yet to meet. See what they are thinking, and then you can plan out some activities to do when they arrive back home over their breaks to help things get settled, and it’s a fun bonding experience.
00:08:08 Which brings us to the second part. Pack up some boxes ahead of time. These are not the going-to-college boxes. These are the I-want-for-my-future-me boxes. I recommend that you not allow your child to leave the room in disarray. Remind them that they have to come back to the room. Create boxes or areas of the room to place different items, such as one section for let it go items, these are outgrown items, things your child doesn’t want or doesn’t need anymore. The second area, pack away items. These are items to save for your child’s future self. Use the college packing time as a time to pack up those future-me boxes for your child, and be sure to label them well. Better yet, for anything that is memorabilia, it might be worth it, if it is in your budget to pick up some plastic bins. Well-labeled plastic bins are helpful, as your child might want to peek in from time to time. This way, they don’t have to destroy a box to do so.
00:09:09 If you try any or all of this, please let me know what works, what doesn’t work for you, and if you have recommendations for other listeners. Before I go, let’s talk quickly about boundaries about your space. Have the discussion with your child about how their room will be used while they are gone, if it will be used at all. If they have items all over the house, make it clear to them, if this is the case, that if they leave it out and a sibling uses it, it is fair game. Whatever the rules are, try to use some future thinking here and play out some scenarios, and decide what you want to set ahead of time. It is also a great time to set boundaries on when they return. How you expect them to behave. Will you be fine with them coming in and reverting to 16-year-old version of them, where you fed them, did their laundry, or will you have different expectations of them? There is no right answer here, and you might not know until the first week they return home. Maybe really the biggest and most important thing here, is to have a discussion about how things will be different. That you aren’t sure how exactly, but that you all need to be open to the change, and work through it when it comes. That you know you’ll have different expectations of them when they return home. Maybe it’s laundry, maybe it is curfew. Whatever it is for your family, and that they need to be prepared for that. It is another place for everyone to sit in the simmer and figure out what works for them.
00:10:35 Guess what? I have an entire episode on sitting in the simmer, too. Check out episode number 29. That’s what I have for you today, my empty nest friend. Please don’t hesitate to fly on over to our Facebook group. Our name is Green Popsicle Sticks. Want to know why? Listen to episode number 17, or head to my website, youremptynestcoach.com/community for links to join our flock. Why should you join our group? The adjustment to not having your kiddos at home full-time isn’t always easy, but it sure can be a ton more fun with a flock of friends. We look forward to seeing you there.
If you are ready to begin the journey to find future you, and use her as your GPS, definitely sign up for my free program, “The Empty Nest: A Guide to Uncovering My Future.” Episode 13 covers the high-level concepts of that program, if you would like to check it out. To dive deep into the concepts, take my free program, as I provide videos and worksheets to assist you on your journey.
The questions I have for you in this episode are: if your child is heading off to college, or in college, what is the condition of their space in your home? And, number two, do you have long term plans for that space that your child may not be aware of? As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. You’ll find the show notes for this and every episode on my website. My next episode’s title is “Leveling Up.”
Don’t forget to subscribe to this podcast. It is free and you’ll be notified when I post a new episode, every Friday. If my show has helped you in any way, please share it with one other person you think it will help, too. You’ll be giving them a free gift. Thanks for your time and energy with that, and thanks so much for listening, my empty nest friend. Remember, you are amazing!
This episode topic comes from a Green Popsicle Stick Group Facebook member. Once again, when I sat down to organize and script this out, I had no idea that I had so many thoughts on the subject. Too funny.
Katie asked, “What skills are you glad you taught your daughter before she went off to college? And, is there anything you wished you’d spent more time on with her?”
These are fantastic questions from Katie, whose daughter is already ahead of the game, as you will hear in this episode.
Take a listen, or read the transcript, below.
⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll all the way down ⇓ so you don’t miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓
Want to subscribe to this podcast? Great news – it is free!
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 32: What Life Skills Should My High School Child be Mastering Now, to be Successful in College? … Today’s episode comes from a Green Popsicle Stick Facebook group member. Katie asks, “What skills are you glad you taught your daughter before she went off to college? Is there anything you wished you’d spent more time on with her?” What a fantastic question. Thanks, Katie! Your daughter is well, well ahead of most students in 8th grade, and to be honest, she’s more ahead than many college students in her life skills.
00:00:00 Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 32: What Life Skills Should My High School Child be Mastering Now, to be Successful in College? This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that has been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it is freaking you out. I’ve been there and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
00:00:43 Hello, my future empty nest friend. Happy summer! My goodness, I just looked at a calendar, and when this episode goes live, my daughter will be home for only five or six more weeks of summer. I just don’t get it. Time flies, doesn’t it? A quick reminder that all of my episodes are brought to you by my free seven-day program, “The Empty Nest: A Guide to Uncovering My Future.” To be clear, we are talking about your future, not mine. Hop on over to my website, youremptynestcoach.com, and sign up today. Look for the link that says “Uncover Your Future.”
00:01:24 Today’s episode comes from a Green Popsicle Stick Facebook group member. Katie asks, “I have a question, I’m working on getting my 8th grader more independent. She knows how to do laundry, how to cook, bake and follow a recipe, how to clean and vacuum. The general principles of a healthy lifestyle and various other things. I think next is money stuff, like getting a bank account, a checkbook, balancing a budget, shopping on a budget, she can sew a bit, as well. What other skills are you glad you taught your daughter before she went off to college? Is there anything you wished you’d spent more time on with her?” What a fantastic question. Thanks, Katie! Your daughter is well, well ahead of most students in 8th grade, and to be honest, she’s more ahead than many college students in her life skills.
00:02:12 My listener, Katie lists fantastic skills that her daughter already knows. Let’s start there. I can only speak to our family’s experience, so if you have something to add, join us in our Facebook group to share with us. Katie first mentions laundry. Yes, 100 percent. This is huge. It is something I had barely ever done before my own college years. Along with clothes, mention how often towels and bed sheets should be washed, and get those in the rotation, if they aren’t already. I would venture to guess that many college students only take bedding off their beds around break times. I would be sure those are in the rotation at some point, ahead of time, especially since you have multiple years to prepare.
00:02:56 I also recommend letting the laundry not be perfect. If your child does their laundry and then leaves all their clean clothes on the floor, in a pile, for three days before putting them away, they are clean, and wrinkles aren’t the end of the world. Maybe they’ll wear their wrinkled clothes, receive a comment, and then be better about it in the future, and maybe not, they’ll just stay wrinkled. I’ve gotten really good at picking my battles and laundry isn’t one I care enough about. Just keep that in mind.
00:03:26 Next, Katie mentions cooking, baking and following a recipe. Interestingly enough, I didn’t stress these skills. While I probably should have, here were my two reasons at the time; much of it was that my daughter left a few years early for college, so I couldn’t get everything in and I had to carefully choose the skills that we were going to work on. The other reason is that while on campus, she has a dining hall. She has access to a kitchen, but it isn’t easy to get to.
00:03:54 Cooking definitely is a fantastic life skill, and necessary for sure, but if your child is in a dorm at a residential college, there’s a different skill that is necessary. That would be figuring out how to eat well, in a college, when you don’t have control over the ingredients, the meals and the groceries. This can be daunting. I recommend that once your child knows where they are headed, have them explore all of their options. Maybe have them look at a few days of their eating at home, and see how it lines up with the options at their new school. Then have them figure out their work arounds. I say this because food is so important. A hungry college student isn’t a good thing. A college student who only eats garbage food because the vending machine has better options than the dining hall, in their mind, isn’t going to be on their A-game. It won’t be perfect their first year. Make them aware of that going in. Encourage them to find some go-to healthy snacks that they are able to find anywhere. Encourage them to be creative with food in a limited scenario.
00:05:05 Next up, Katie mentions cleaning and vacuuming. Yes, definitely. Things like using wipes to wipe down door handles when you are sick and someone in the house is, and in the future the dorm is sick. This is a helpful life skill. Maybe even pick up a small vacuum and put them in charge of their spaces in the house now, if they aren’t already. One of the points here, to keep in mind, is that your child may or may not be in more of a shared space than they are used to now. Communication on how that will work is really good practice.
00:05:38 Katie’s daughter can sew a bit. This is fantastic. I would encourage a small sewing kit and a tool kit, now, that is theirs to keep. When something needs fixing in their room, or one of their own personal items is broken, encourage them to use their kits for these things, then they’ll be used to it when college comes. If they are one of the few people in the dorm with a phillips head screwdriver when someone desperately needs one, and they’re used to going to their tool kit, it is a great way to make new friends. If they lose the kit, they have to buy their own replacement, of course.
00:06:14 Money. Let’s talk about money. I am by no means a money expert, so use what resonates with you. I do believe that having our children learn about money management when they are young is unbelievably important. Your child should have their own money to manage now, so they understand its value. My daughter has a debit card for school, and my name is on it, she’s under 18, which is handy because I’m able to transfer funds in if it’s needed. Those last minute school fees that pop up, it’s been super helpful.
00:06:47 Going back in time a bit, when our daughter was about four or five years old, and I’m not exaggerating here, either, we gave her “kid pay.” It was more than most four or five year olds see for sure. But it taught her to save. Some of the money had to go to savings, some to giving, some for education, and some for fun. I think there was another envelope, but it’s escaping me at the moment what that was for. It’s probably obvious. When I listen back, I’ll be like how did I forget. Anyway, I think she ended up with $10 of fun money a month. The beauty was that meltdowns in stores completely disappeared because she learned very quickly that if she didn’t bring her money, she couldn’t purchase an item. Does she want it? Sure. She can absolutely have it. It’s her money, if she has enough money. I would make recommendations to her, but if she wanted to spend all $10 on crayons, that was for her to do. Spend it all in a month, and you have to wait until next month. It only takes a few times of that before you learn your lesson.
00:07:50 The younger your children learn that, the better off they are. Had we not done that earlier in her life, I would right now take the time to calculate all the things that we purchase for her on a monthly basis, toiletries, clothes, educational supplies, lunch money, and I would, with hubby’s support, give it to her monthly in a sum, and tell her she’s responsible for all these things going forward. Want to use some lunch money towards something fun, then you can pack your lunch. Encourage creative money solutions now. Another thing I encourage is being open about things, like your expenses, your rent or mortgage, your insurances, utility bills and your paycheck. So I have to pay every year for my car registration, for the inspection, the upkeep, the gas and the insurance? Wait, how much is that? These are important things for our kids to know, if they don’t already. If they don’t already have their own job, where they see all the impact of the taxes on their paycheck, consider showing them yours. Why not?
00:08:51 Speaking of jobs, if your child doesn’t have one yet, here are things that are helpful to know for their future. How to fill out that I-9 form is one thing. You can find a copy online, show them how they would fill it out if they got a job today, and explain what it all means. Google is your friend here. Not that they’ll remember all of this, when the time comes, but having a baseline, a familiarity, won’t make it so darn scary when they fill the first one out.
00:09:16 If they haven’t already, get them working on memorizing their social security number, or figure out where they’ll store it safely. Take a look at the identification proof needed for the I-9 form. If your child’s heading off on their own, do they have the documents to allow them to prove employment eligibility? Safe storage of these documents is really good to teach now, too. How about that W-4 form? How intimidating is that the first time you need to fill it out? Knowing what the W-4 form is for, is super helpful. Again, just giving them a familiarity with these forms will make life easier.
00:09:54 What else should they have? This one is something they should be learning to not to need, and that’s the Mom Organization Method. Sorry, mom, but that needs to be ditched before they head out on their own, be it college or moving out permanently. Do you wake them up? Are you their alarm? That’s on you, not them. You should tell them it’s their job moving forward. Let them figure out now, how to make it all happen. Do you remind them to do their homework? You won’t be on campus in college, so try to get out of that habit, for both of you.
00:10:27 Do they have a family car that is being used, but you or your partner take it in for maintenance? Next time, have them make the appointment and handle the whole thing. You’re available via text. Do they know when family birthdays are? Figure out now how they’ll know. If they look to you to remind them the week prior, they’re going to be completely lost when they’re at school, and if they forget your birthday, don’t be surprised. Get the idea?
00:10:54 Look, none of us have tomorrow promised to us, either. If you weren’t here tomorrow, can your child function on their own, best they can? If they are 10 or 12, no one expects that, but if they’re nearing 18, they should be pretty darn close. I know, it isn’t a fun thought. I do find it a motivating one. How about you? I adore you, my friend, but that Mom Organization Method needs to fade off into the sunset, before your child leaves for college. This will benefit both of you.
00:11:23 On this note, your child needs to figure out how to manage their school and personal time on their own. Encourage them to try new things if something isn’t working, and don’t expect whatever works for you to work for them. Encourage them to find a way to have a school/life balance. School/life balance leads me to something I feel very strongly about. If you have a child that has hobbies that energize them, if they are lucky enough to have found such a thing, please encourage those hobbies. If they find art calms their mind, also, with loud music, take note of this, out loud, in front of them, and let them know that making time for whatever it is that energizes them, is super important. Why is it important? School/life balance turns into work/life balance. If they only do school work and run into a season of classes where none of them are of interest, then your child’s hobbies have the ability to get them through the drudgery and frustration by giving them a form of escape. Music, art, yoga, running, tech, it will be different for everyone. For the music major, maybe building a website might be a fun hobby. For the science major, maybe they love to read horror fiction. These energy building activities are important. Finding their balance is important, and be sure to notice the moments when they are doing really well with the balance. If they are never taught to make time for these things, they may not in college, and that might cause undue stress. Be sure to set an example here, in your own life.
00:13:02 What if they don’t have hobbies? I certainly wouldn’t force anything on them, but I’d encourage exploration and be open to them having hobbies that you, personally, would never consider. Remember, they are not you. Finally, and really, this should have been the first thing I talked about, but be sure to provide them with great tools for their emotional health. Friendships ending, disappointments, going through emotions, handling depression, a whole bunch of things are going to happen in their life ahead. If they always come to you, they may not know what to do if you aren’t there. Make sure they know it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be angry. It is okay to have times when you don’t feel great. Help them to learn tools to get through the emotion, rather than run from it. If you understand my Empty Nest Prep episodes, chat with them about circumstances in their life. Offer to them that they have the ability to choose their thoughts, at the right moment. Encourage them to notice the feelings caused by their thoughts. Doing this for non-major events is better than large events happening to start. What better gift can you give your child?
00:14:18 By the way, if you purchase “The Empty Nest First Steps Towards Success program,” I give access to all of your children for free, the same program. Keep that in mind. Also, give them permission to talk to a therapist when needed. Make sure that’s an okay thing in your family. Especially, when they are in college, and more than likely have one available to them for free. As your child nears heading off to college, take notice when they mention things that might be resources to use on campus. Check out episode 28 for more on that. For example, when it would be a good time to head to the health center versus handling something on their own. One more thing, and I don’t know why this feels like a big stretch to throw out there, but getting them involved with their medical records and appointments now, will create great skills for life. Why not have them call to make their appointments? Is it something you even need to go to? If not, have them handle it themselves, entirely, or if that’s just too much pressure, mom, I get you. I can hear the push back already. Go along, but encourage them to be in the driver’s seat, even when the receptionist looks right at you. Give your child the opportunity and permission to learn these things while you are here to assist. They should understand what a HIPAA form is. The extreme importance of their insurance card and how all of that works. Maybe they have a sick appointment and need a prescription. Explain how that works with the pharmacy and if/when they might want to look at mail orders. Think through together how they would handle this in college. Now is a great time to walk through these steps, well before an emergency.
00:15:56 This episode ended up being a lot longer than I thought it was going to be. I’ll stop there, but if you have something to add, please share. Join our Green Popsicle Sticks Facebook group, and add it there. If I get enough suggestions, I’ll do a part 2 of this episode. Please don’t hesitate to fly on over to our Facebook Group. Our name is Green Popsicle Sticks. Want to know why? Listen to episode number 17, or head to my website, youremptynestcoach.com/community for link to join our flock. Why should you join our group? The adjustment to not having your kiddos at home full-time isn’t always easy, but it sure can be a ton more fun with a flock of friends. We look forward to seeing you there.
00:16:39 If you are ready to begin the journey to find future you, and use her as your GPS, definitely sign up for my free program, “The Empty Nest: A Guide to Uncovering My Future.”Episode 13 covers the high-level concepts of that program, if you would like to check it out. To dive deep into concepts, take my free program, as I provide videos and worksheets to assist you on your journey. The questions I have for you in this episode are: number one, do you have something to add to my life skills for college list? Number two, if you attended college, did you feel prepared? As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. You’ll find the show notes for this and every episode on my website. My next episode’s title is, “How to Prepare Your Home for the Empty Nest, with my guest, April Force Pardoe.” Don’t forget to subscribe to this podcast. It is free and you’ll be notified when I post a new episode every Friday.
00:17:40 If my show has helped you in any way, please share it with one other person you think it will help too. You’ll be giving them a free gift. Thanks for your time and energy with that, and thanks so much for listening, my empty nest friend. Remember, you are amazing!
This episode topic is from a fellow listener who asked about finding friends in the later years of life. When I sat down to organize and script this out, I had no idea that I had so many thoughts on the subject. But then, I do have a lot of thoughts on many subjects, don’t I? Ha!
Anyway, remember that some friendships serve seasons of our life, and others are in for the long haul. Either way, if you are looking to add friendships into your life, take a little bit of time to figure out what you are looking for in a friend, and then enjoy looking for those new friendships!
Take a listen, or read the transcript, below.
⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll all the way down ⇓ so you don’t miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓
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Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 31: How Do I Find Friends in the Empty Nest? … Today’s episode comes from a podcast listener suggestion. They ask how do I find friends in the empty nest? This is a great question. It falls in line with much of what this podcast is really all about, in that we spend so much time raising our children, and many times, our friendships tend to be built around where are children are in their life.
00:00:00 Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 31: How Do I Find Friends in the Empty Nest? This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that has been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it is freaking you out. I’ve been there and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
00:00:36 Hello, my future empty nest friend. I want to do a quick shout out to one of my podcast listeners and one of my sweet online friends, Gretchen, also known as the Planner Freak. You may find her on Twitter or Instagram at the handle, the Planner Freak. Her Instagram feed is full of beautiful photos, videos, and great music. She’s encouraging and kind. Getting to know people online, such as Gretchen, is one of the perks of starting this podcast. Thanks, Gretchen! My empty nest friend, I’ll have links to her Instagram and Twitter accounts in my show notes.
00:01:29 Today’s episode comes from a podcast listener suggestion. They ask how do I find friends in the empty nest? This is a great question. It falls in line with much of what this podcast is really all about, in that we spend so much time raising our children, and many times, our friendships tend to be built around where are children are in their life. It isn’t difficult to find a friend in committees in our child’s school, other parents at the school, maybe our part-time job, our work, and more. When your child’s activities no longer need your participation, the onset of new relationships in your life may dry up as well. Not only that, but the relationships that were based on commonalities, that have to do with your children, may begin to drift apart.
00:02:19 It is fantastic when a relationship you built over the years has deepened to a point where you have other commonalities, or you just love spending time with one another so much, that your friendship remains. That is a very lucky place to be. It is also normal to find that there are friendships that were based entirely on those life moments that you had in common. Now that both of you are in new life moments, the friendship may fade. You may realize it first, or the other person may realize it first. Things may slowly drift away or just end suddenly. It happens. It is part of life, and your thought about this is everything.
00:02:55 You could have thoughts such as I can’t believe they haven’t been in touch with me since three months ago. Did our friendship mean anything to them? Or, I am so thankful for their friendship for as long as we were friends. It was exactly what I needed at that time in my life. Or, I can’t wait until the time when we are able to reconnect again. I encourage you to find a thought that allows you to be thankful for the friendship and allows you to be open to new friendships.
00:03:25 The second part of this, is supremely important and do some work on figuring out what kind of friendship you are looking for before you even begin looking. Are you looking for a daily walking buddy? A weekly coffee friend? Maybe a group of friends to play board games with? Someone to travel with to exotic places? Do you want an in-person friend, or are you looking for online friends? What are you looking for in the friendship? What kind of friend do you want to be?
00:03:54 Once you know what you are looking for, where do you find these friendships? I would be silly not to mention our Green Popsicle Sticks Facebook group for starters. If you need a place to hang out with other amazing women, who are at different points in the empty nest transition, we will welcome you with open arms. Another option to check out is Meetup.com. This website lists in-person events on topics of all kinds, and in different locations.
00:04:22 I quickly looked at my town and found groups such as, a Hiking Around the City group, a Friend’s on the Go group, this one is open to anyone 40 years old or older, for creating new friendships and has almost 2,000 members. Also, a Skiing Sports and Social Meetup group, a Chess and Cheers group, and my favorite was a Society of Geeks group, that I found. You may create an account on Meetup and dive in. Search on your interests and if you can’t find a group worth checking out, then consider creating your own group that is specific to your interest, which you already figured out. Right? Why not bring the friends to you?
00:05:02 Another option is that since you did your due diligence, and figured out what type of friend you are looking for, where do you think you would meet such a friend? Is there an activity you would have in common? For this, check out local events. Yes, you may look online for your town, such as Meetup, but you also should keep your eyes open as you pass those community bulletin boards that are in local stores and shops. You’ll find some interesting events, especially if the shop is in the shop of your interest. Also, your public library is great for these resources as well.
00:05:35 How about volunteering in an area of interest? Do you love art? Volunteer in an Art Center. Do you love animals? Volunteer in a local animal shelter. Love to sing? Join a choir. One of the best ways to make new friends is to hang out with people who have the same interests as you. It’s really as easy as that. A fab thing is that you get to choose the interest. It isn’t just another committee in your child’s school, so have fun here.
00:06:03 You also may consider looking up past friendships. Those friends that drifted away. Maybe invite them out for coffee, to catch up and see if you are both in a different place, now. With all of these options, be open. Keep in mind that age doesn’t matter. You may find a 25-year-old who has the same interests as you. Why can’t you be friends? Seriously, what a great way to stay young. I adore having a variety of ages in my friendships. It is an easy way to keep on different perspectives.
00:06:33 Also, with being open, tell people that you are looking for a friend to do whatever it is you want to do with. You may not know someone like that, but there is a good chance someone you know, knows someone, or they know someone, and they are looking for you. Be really brave. Post it on Facebook. “Hey, Hi, I’m in a transition period of my life, and I’d love to find some friends who love to walk and talk about “Survivor.”” There’s an example. I’m looking to walk weekly. Tell your friends. Be the brave one and put it out there in the world. Trust me, there are other people like you, and they’re waiting for you to take the first step. Finally, with be open, if someone invites you to something, just say yes, and then, talk to people.
00:07:15 What if you find someone in your life that you would like to build a friendship with? The best way to make a friend, is to be a friend. If you meet at an event, and you already get the feeling that you know you’ll want to meet up again, plan the next one before this one is over. Invite them to do something else with you. Be honest and be brave. Life gets busy, and you need more than one meeting to create a friendship. Sometimes, even when both parties are interested and want it to happen, it just doesn’t because of, well, life. Definitely schedule it.
00:07:49 This has been an interesting episode to assemble. I moved often in my 20’s and my jobs always inherently brought friendships. As my daughter grew, most friendships were around her activities, so no, friendships haven’t been difficult to find so far, but it got me thinking. If I wasn’t in the midst of building this business, and had some actual free time, who would I spend time hanging out with outside of my family, and who are my inner circle?
00:08:15 Number one, of course, is hubby. We have fun plans and things we look forward to doing together. He’s easily overlooked in my life, as he’s so darn reliable, thoughtful and helpful. He takes care of so much. It’s easy for both of us to get busy doing the chores, taking care of our daughter, of the house, and doing our jobs, that we forget how awesome each other is. Do you find that too? But he’s my bestest friend, for sure. He doesn’t listen to my podcast, but if he did, hey, Honey, I love you. Thanks for being you, Don.
00:08:42 I am then super thankful for my friendships that have survived over the years. I’ve never been one to have a ton of close friends. To be honest, I get overwhelmed, but I have friends that we can pick up right where we left off, even if we don’t talk for months. There’s my friend who traveled to Disney with me, when I graduated from college. On that trip, she met her husband. We don’t live in the same state right now, and with our lives as they are, catching up is not easy, but when we do chat, it is just like the last time we spoke. We both still have a dream of our girl’s Disney trip, hanging on to, in the future. Hi, Karen. If you’re listening, I miss you greatly.
00:09:21 Another friend of mine meets me at 6:30 a.m. in the morning for coffee, every couple of weeks. We’ve had periods in our lives where we would see each other often, and then periods where months and even years have gone by. I’m super thankful that we are in a season of connection in our friendship. She’s a fantastic listener, even when we are on opposite sides of a debate. Let me tell you, I love that. She’s patient beyond words, and is a wonderful human. Hi, Beth.
00:09:47 Another, who’s going through the empty nest transition with me, her daughter and my daughter are close friends. We’ve been through the later years of high schooling, as homeschoolers, together. We have traveled on road trips with our daughters, together, and then, not seen each other for months. She was the pivotal person in me focusing on the empty nest niche in particular. She’s one of the strongest people I know, and yet, she’ll listen to this and say, “no, not me.” Yes, you, Jennifer. There’s my sporadic walking friend who will text me, hey, can you take a walk? I do the same thing to her. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But when it works, we have the best time. Walks in nature, talking with deep conversations. I’m fairly certain she doesn’t listen to my podcast, but if you do, one day, Sue, I adore you.
00:10:33 My empty nest friend, yes, you, listener. Maybe you should do what I just did? List out your friendships in the past and what you have now. I realized by doing this exercise that I am definitely a deep conversation friend. I am well aware that that is more than some people can take. I also noticed that with all of my friendships, we don’t get to meet up as often as we would like, but when we do, there is always that feeling that the time we have together is never enough. The conversation is good, and the energy, even when the conversation’s are on tough topics is positive. It has taken me years to come to understand that I am much better at one-on-one than in a group. A group of ten friends all gathering together is something that I can’t even imagine. It drains my energy. Needless to say, a sorority was never part of my life. This is a quality that serves me well with my coaching. I share all of this with you to remind you that friendships don’t need to look any one way. Figure out what works best for you, in your life, right now, and then, be brave and go find it.
00:11:39 Please don’t hesitate to fly on over to our Facebook group. Our name is Green Popsicle Sticks. Want to know why? Listen to episode number 17, or head to my website, youremptynestcoach.com/commnity for links to join our flock. Why should you join our group? The adjustment to not having your kiddos at home full-time isn’t always easy, but it sure can be a ton more fun with a flock of friends. We look forward to seeing you there.
00:12:04 If you are ready to begin the journey to find future you, and use her as your GPS, definitely sign up for my free program, “The Empty Nest: A Guide to Uncovering My Future.”Episode number 13 covers the high-level concepts of that program, if you would like to check it out. To dive deep in the concepts, definitely take my free program, as I provide videos and worksheets to assist you on your journey.
00:12:28 The questions I have for you in this episode are: number one, how are you doing with your friendships? And, two, do you have other suggestions for meeting new friends? Let’s help each other. As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. You’ll find the show notes for this and every episode on my website. My next episode’s title is “What Life Skills Should My High School Student be Mastering Now, to be Successful in College?”
00:13:02 Don’t forget to subscribe to this podcast. It is free and you’ll be notified when I post a new episode, every Friday. If my show has helped you in any way, please share it with one other person you think it will help, too. You’ll be giving them a free gift. Thanks for your time and energy with that, and thanks so much for listening, my empty nest friend. Remember, you are amazing!
I can’t begin to tell you how much I needed this episode when I wrote it. Throughout our life, we experience change. Sometimes it is expected, sometimes it is not. When we are unable to be patient with ourselves through the transition, things can get a little off course and “boil over.”
In this episode, I talk about the importance of a simmer in a beef stew and what that has to do with your life.
Take a listen, or read the transcript, below.
⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll all the way down ⇓ so you don’t miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓
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Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 29: Christine, I Don’t Know What to do Next. … My future empty nest friend, I want to talk about when you can’t figure out what is next in life. This may be in the form of thoughts such as, Christine, I don’t know what to do with my time or Christine, I think I know who future me is, but I can’t figure out what to do next.
00:00:00 Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 29: Christine, I Don’t Know What to do Next. This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that has been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it is freaking you out. I’ve been there and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
00:00:35 Hello, my future empty nest friend. What amazing things are going on in your life right now? Take a second to stop and think about something. Anything, and how amazing it is. Want an example? Right now, you are listening to my voice. I’m not with you live, in person, I’m off doing something else in my life, but something that I assembled and recorded weeks ago, you are able to listen to as if I’m right here with you. Now, that’s pretty amazing. Need another? How about how your body manages to take breaths, to keep you alive without you having to think about it. Amazing!
00:01:11 A quick reminder that all of my episodes are brought to you by my free seven-day program, “The Empty Nest: A Guide to Uncovering to My Future.” To be clear, we are talking about your future, not mine. Hop on over to my website, youremptynestcoach.com and sign up today. Look for the link that says, “Uncover Your Future.”
00:01:29 My future empty nest friend, I want to talk about when you can’t figure out what is next in life. This may be in the form of thoughts such as, Christine, I don’t know what to do with my time or Christine, I think I know who future me is, but I can’t figure out what to do next.
00:01:49 Beef Stew. When you make beef stew, there is some prep work. You cook the beef. You then cook your veggies, seasoning, broth, maybe wine, more seasonings, and you bring it to a boil. Once the stew reaches its boiling points, you reduce the heat to a simmer and have more additions for the next 30 to 45 minutes. This simmer time allows a couple of things to happen. One, it cooks the food gently and slowly, allowing it to maintain its structure in ways impossible with boiling. It also will bring fat, proteins, and other substances to the top of the pot, which allows you to skim them off, and results in a clear stock.
00:02:25 Notice that two things are not recommended. One, allowing the meal to boil over, and two, once the boiling point is reached, turn the heat off and eat the stew. What does this have to with the empty nest? Something that I’ve noticed for many of my clients is that we reach this point where we have been “doing life” at a million miles an hour. Due to the circumstances of life, we get really good at hiding the real us in the name of taking care of everyone else. So much so that when a family member moves out of the house, be it for college, or their first apartment, the first thought that comes to our mind is what am I going to do with my time? As if we didn’t exist before they entered our lives. Think about it.
00:03:07 You were a full grown adult before you had your child. At least, most of us are. You had a life. You will have a life again. That you has been hiding really well. Is she different? More than likely, yes, but she is there. She’s just not used to showing herself. For many of my clients, the question what am I going to do with my time, seems to have an almost universal effect that moves my clients to, in the stew analogy, a full-on rolling boil that leads to a boiled-over mess. Can you picture this? There’s a frenzied emotion guiding the question for them. The frenzy sometimes is led by the need to know the answer to this question as soon as possible.
00:03:47 If you are able to answer the question right away, what am I going to do with my time, fantastic! Go you! But for many of us, the first thing we think we should do isn’t really the answer. Jumping all in on that thing, whatever it is, without allowing life to simmer for a little bit, will cause the stew to boil over, or we realize we’re not heading down the right path, so we pull the pot off the heat and dump it down the sink. When what we really need to do is turn the heat down low and allow things to simmer.
00:04:19 Allow ideas to bubble up. Explore them. Research them. Try them, and if the timing is right, take some time to discover if the stew is finished cooking, if you need to try a new recipe, or if you are simply still simmering. Remember, also, that if you don’t move from the boil down to the simmer, adjustments become messier than they need to be. In this transition, in your quest to figure out what you are going to do with your time, take deep breaths, and if you don’t have complete clarity, it is okay. You are simply simmering. You are exploring what is next.
00:04:55 What if you are sitting there wondering what am I going to do with my time, and you feel frenzied. You feel things starting to boil, but all you have is water in the pot, right? No direction. If this is you, I want you to try something for me. Try changing your question, what I am going to do with my time to the sentence, I am going to have more time, or I have more time, and simmer in that. Please note that this doesn’t mean that you don’t take any action in your life. You can try things. You can explore things. You can go all in on things, and you can adjust things. Throw some ingredients in here and there and see what that does for you.
00:05:35 Sometimes you want to make a huge change right away, but circumstances need you to stay where you are to allow the next step to be smooth. Rather than resenting where you are currently, realize that you are in a necessary simmer that is needed, before the next ingredient is added. As you simmer, get to know future you. Find her. It is so funny, I already hear some of you ready to say, how can I know future me, when I don’t know if blah, blah, blah is going to happen.
00:06:02 I need to be very clear. Future you is meant to inspire, encourage and motivate you. She is not necessarily a prediction of the future, unless you have some powers that I don’t know about, then, you know, give me a call. Let me know. But she’s your navigation system. Right now, in this moment, whoever future you would be, use her to guide you in your decisions.
00:06:27 That question you want the answer to, Christine, what am I going to do with my time? It might make you feel like you need to pick a new job, a new career, or a hobby to fill your time with. Maybe what you really need to do right now, is to keep doing what you’re doing. Maybe you see where you think your life will be in two years, but you’re just needed quite a bit right now, doing what you’re doing. Which might mean that your life isn’t going to change as quickly as you imagine it. You might be in the necessary simmer.
00:06:59 So, are you simmering? Remember, if you stop simmering, the recipe never finishes. Once the stew is finished cooking, there is always another stew ready to be made. Sit in the simmer. Don’t be afraid of the simmer! Don’t fight it. Use it to get in touch with future you. This time is needed and if you simmer long enough, the miscellaneous things that you don’t need, will rise to the top for you to skim off. That will make your life, your path ahead, clearer, just like the skimmed stock. Isn’t that cool?
00:07:30 If you’re having trouble sitting in the simmer, try reminding yourself that you’ll figure it out. So, where are you right now? This isn’t for me to tell you. It’s for your GPS future you to tell you. Don’t look to me, don’t look to your friend. Look to future you. Ask her what makes the most sense right now, and try asking her if you need to simmer. Trust that you and your GPS will figure out all the pieces when the time is right. Maybe right now, your GPS needs you to work on you, on your emotional health, on your physical health, so you may have the best future in store for you.
00:08:07 Having your future self to check in with is incredibly helpful. Mostly because she is you. She has your back, my friend. The destination sometimes changes for us, but the guidance system doesn’t. Find your guidance system. Find you and go after her 200 percent.
00:08:25 Please don’t hesitate to fly on over to our Facebook group. Our name is Green Popsicle Sticks. Want to know why? Listen to episode number 17, or head to my website, youremptynestcoach.com/community for links to join our flock. Why should you join our group? Well, the adjustment to not having your kiddos at home full time isn’t always easy, but it sure can be a ton more fun with a flock of friends. We look forward to seeing you there.
00:08:51 If you are ready to begin the journey to find future you and use her as your GPS, definitely sign up for my free program, “The Empty Nest: A Guide to Uncovering My Future.”Episode 13 covers the high-level concepts of this program, if you would like to check it out. To dive deep in the concepts, take my free program as I provide videos and worksheets to assist you on your journey.
00:09:13 The questions I have for you in this episode are:
1) Have you found future you yet? And
2) What was, or is, your biggest obstacle in finding her?
As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. You’ll find show notes for this and every episode on my website. My next episode’s title is, I’m Not Being Appreciated. Don’t forget to subscribe to this podcast. It is free, and you’ll be notified when I post a new episode every Friday.
00:09:45 If my show has helped you in any way, please share it with one other person you think it will help, too. You’ll be giving them a free gift. Thanks for your time and energy with that, and thanks so much for listening, my empty nest friend. Remember, you are amazing!
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 28: What Mom Should Expect During That First Semester at College, and How Mom Can Help. … My guest today is Katy Oliveira. Katy is the founder of Collegehood, LLC, and the host of the Collegehood Advice podcast, where she shares expert insights, strategies, and stories to help students thrive during college.
00:00:00 Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 28: What Mom Should Expect During That First Semester at College, and How Mom Can Help. This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that has been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it is freaking you out. I’ve been there and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
00:00:40 Hello, my future empty nest friend! I have another guest today, and she’s another podcaster who has a show that I enjoy listening to, even if it is directed toward college students. It helps me in my role as a parent of a college student, to be aware of resources to share with my daughter and other parents. She has topics such as how to have your most motivated week ever, and how to tackle a big assignment. That may apply to anyone. I encourage you to take a listen to her podcast.
00:01:09 My guest today is Katy Oliveira.Katy is the founder of Collegehood, LLC, and the host of the Collegehood Advice podcast, where she shares expert insights, strategies, and stories to help students thrive during college. For 15 years, she has guided thousands of college students through their collegehood in her roles as a professional academic advisor, college success coach, university administrator, and instructor. She currently helps students find out what they want to do with their life then, use their college experience to make it happen through her coaching and online programs.
00:01:47 When she’s not helping students you can find her in a garden, on a yoga mat, or in a kitchen, cooking with her friends and family in Austin, Texas. I subscribe to Katy’s podcast, and I have to say one of my favorite episodes so far has been #63, “Is Your Major Causing Your Low Motivation?” Definitely check out her podcast, it is fantastic, and we even talk about this specific episode in this interview.
00:02:12 Christine: Welcome to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, Katy! Katy: Thank you so much for having me on your show. I’m really excited to be here. Christine: Likewise. So thrilled that you asked to be on. My listener, with Katy’s 15 years of experience, I thought we would cover some topics today that are important for mom and dad to understand. You might be well aware of these, but you also might have no clue. The first one I see first-hand, where I work, I have to admit, my parents never asked to see my college grades outside of the end of the semester or even my schedule. But that could be because back in the day, this stuff was just starting to get online. I had to go to a computer lab to type things, so yeah. Katy: Me, too. Christine: There was no logging in to see my grades in between classes. Right? Gosh, I feel really old when I say that. Katy, for the parents who are used to checking their students high school grades, and are possibly heavily involved in their child’s education, what should they prepare for in college, and how is it going to be different? Katy: It’s going to be very different, and I’m going to be honest, parents won’t necessarily like what I’m about to say. In fact, I gave a presentation last week, where I had a parent get visibly upset when I shared this information. I just want to put that caveat out there. One way to sort of ease us in to my answer, and to start to help parents gather a different frame of mind, is that I know it may be really hard to see, right now, your teenager, who is thinking about prom and staying up all night, and is on their device and maybe not making the best most responsible choices, and you fear that this is going to move forward with them into college, and some of it will. But the thing about going to college is they’re not only making a transition to going to a new environment, and a new school, they are also, literally, making the transition from a teenager to an emerging adult. Your teenager, that lives in your house today, right now, in May, will be an emerging adult within the next year. 00:04:19 Christine: Thank you. I can feel my audience just like “ugh”. Katy: Why would you tell them that? Christine: This is why I’m here. Don’t worry. Katy: Yeah. I feel the cold sweats. I understand. I have a daughter who’s turning eight, and it just occurred to me she’s going to be 18 in only ten years, right? I’m not there yet, but I have a lot of empathy for you. I think that’s really important for the next point, and the reason for that is because when we release them into college as parents, and I think also as educators, and as a society, we perceive that we need to treat them like teenagers, and they, developmentally, are no longer teenagers. They are becoming emergent adults. Emerging adults literally have different neuroscientific development needs than a teenager. I know it’s hard to imagine, but at 19, many of those needs begin. Because they’re becoming emerging adults, both the federal government and universities begin to treat them like adults, which is going to require you to treat them like adults in some capacities, even if you’re paying for their college experience. Instead of you being the consumer, you are not the university’s client. Your student is the university’s client and you are that student’s benefactor. If I’m a 40-year-old person going to college, and you have more money than me, and you volunteer to pay for my university, that relationship is between me and you, but my relationship is with the university. Your student is the same way. Your student is a separate entity from you and you’re a benefactor. What that means is, you are the support and the resource for your student, but your student has to take the lead on everything else. They take the lead on the organization of information, on communication, on what they do, who they talk to, how they advocate, everything becomes in the hands of your students, and that’s terrifying, but also amazing, because this is what you’ve been putting all your hard work toward, is making this transition to creating an amazing adult. Now is the time for that to start to unfold. It can be really painful and tricky. 00:06:40 Christine: First of all, I love the benefactor thought. That is great. Because I’ve never heard that, and that explains it very well. It’s a very good way. I work in enrollment, and I answer phones, and I get a lot of parents that call, and, “but I’m paying,” and luckily, I can say I understand, I’m in the same boat. I get it. It is very difficult for a parent to go from that transition, so I think is great that they can have a heads up, and be prepared, and it’s okay. You’ll be okay. Mine went four years early, and I’m still okay. You can do it. You’ll be fine. Katy: Yeah. And, the universities aren’t just trying to be difficult. There are federal laws that are governing this and the federal law is called FERPA, and it’s the Family Education Responsibility and Privacy Act, is what I believe FERPA stands for. This governs the privacy of a student’s educational record, but it can also protect identifying information. The moment a student enters the university, they’re protected underneath this act. There are releases you can sign, both to give parents information and access, but a student can also sign in documents to prevent a student from getting information and access, and also some departments have internal policies where it’s just their policy not to share information with parents without the student’s knowledge or presence. The university is trying to teach your student to advocate for themselves and their relationship with staff and faculty is with your student. It’s important to know what those things are, but also, I think instead of resisting them, and being irritated by them, understand that they’re there to help your student make this transition, and to take that line of thinking can help your student. It’s frustrating because it’s going to require that you have some communication with you student about what that means; however, it’s there to help your student become an adult and start to take care of their business, and start to communicate with entities just like they’re going to have to do when they leave college and go out into the world, and work with employers, work with the government, work with different vendors for their life. 00:09:12 Christine: Yes. It’s only four years. Katy: Yeah. It happens really quickly. Christine: Or more if they go to grad school, but still, you need to have a handle on it. It’s better to find out freshman year, than mom and dad hand-holding through another four years. Katy: Right. When the stakes are high, but low. Right? There’s a lot of protections in place, right? 00:09:29 Christine: Yes. Only because I’ve seen this, the mom who shows up on campus and asks to meet with their student’s professor? Good or bad? Katy: Bad. Christine: Yes. Thank you. Katy: You’re hurting your student. You’re hurting your student. I mean it both ways. I mean it like you’re ripping your student off of the opportunity to advocate for themselves. I mean in that way, but I literally mean it as a professor, as a person who’s sat in especially with old-school professors, who have been a professor for 60 years, and a parent shows up, they immediately are going to see that student as weak, and it’s going to hurt that student’s ability to have that person as a mentor and a reference, and your student’s going to need that, right? It’s because the professor and the university do not perceive your student as a child. They perceive your student as an adult. There is a difference in perception between you and the professor. The professor’s student is not you, so that idea, if you’ve always negotiated with your student’s teachers in conferences when there are issues, that’s student now has to do that with the professors. In fact, it’s one of the most important things a student can learn to do during college. 00:10:43 Christine: Definitely. I know that you know some of the most useful resources for parents to know about on campus, not necessarily for parents to use, but for them to say, you know, if their child’s having a problem, they can mention them to them, “hey, check this out” kind of thing? Katy: Yeah. My number one piece of advice is, I do believe in the sacred relationship between parents and students, and I think that universities are going to attempt to, not sort of put a wedge, but sort of bust you up. Right? You’re going to find that right when you go to orientation, and you’re going to sort of get relegated to the background. I think that they do that because they don’t want you to take the lead, but it’s not that they don’t want you to have a role. The role that you have is to be encouraging, supportive and a resource. You would function for your child, in just the same way you would function for an adult friend, who needs support, resources, encouragement. You’re giving advice in a form that’s like, I’m knowledgeable about the resources that are out there, so I can advise and recommend, but I don’t call and sign up for the resource for my friend, right? You’re going to take that same role for your child. We can get into this a little bit more, but there are a couple things that I recommend that students have in place that make it easier to smoothly enter the college experience and to transition through the growing pains. The most important ones are your faculty, your advisors, your health center and student disability services office. If I had to put a hierarchy on those, I would say the advising office, and the reason for that is that the advising office is usually a really good turnstyle, and what I mean by that, is that they are the best referrers on the campus. They are going to be able to ask your student a handful of questions and most quickly discern what probably is the root cause of their challenge or their growing pain, and then directly connect them to the person they need to talk to. Depending on the level of engagement of the advising office, maybe even give them language to use to advocate for themselves, “Kay, go to your professor’s office hours and say, “I am not doing well in your class, and I’d like to know what I can do to improve my grade.”” Right? We can actually language it for them. Advisors are really great that way. If I had to say one resource, I would find the academic support on the campus, and build a relationship with them. The student builds a relationship with them, not the parent. 00:13:13 Christine: Absolutely. As mothers, here’s another question for you, many of us have a default mode of worry, and I’m working to help my listeners with this, for sure, but what are some challenges that we as parents may expect, that our students might have a different moment in a semester? Katy: Yeah. I actually have sort of divvied up the semester into four transitional phases. Like I was saying earlier, when you’re making the transition to college, it’s a transition, right? You’re moving to a new environment, a new culture, a new community, but you’re also doing that at the very same time that you’re doing a lot of internal developmental work. This is why this change is particularly hard for young people. The semester, I kind of bust it up. If it’s a 15-ish week semester, it’s four different phases. The very first phase is the summer camp phase, and I think this phenomena happens regardless if you live on campus or not. Even students who are commuting experience this phase, but this is especially acute for students who are living in a residence hall. This phase’s primary objective is to figure out how to plug into the community, and it’s to figure out how to make friends. It feels like their at camp, right? It’s like their in a giant, never-ending slumber party, and they’re hanging out and they’re staying up all night, and they’re doing silly stuff, and they’re going to parties and they’re going to welcome days type events that the university has established to get them to connect. The university knows this, so the university’s primary objective during this time, is for your student to connect. By the third week, if your student doesn’t connect, they’re going to want to transfer. 00:15:06 Christine: Yes. Katy: That’s a positive, because the student is trying to find their way and connect; however, there’s a couple of negatives that come out of that. The first is this is also when you’re going to see the biggest homesickness, and you and your student are going to want your student to come home for the weekend. But if your student comes home for the weekend, every weekend for that first month, then you have just, and your student has just missed out on the key first-line opportunity to connect to the university. The second thing, is because your student is so focused on making friends and connecting, or feeling homesick and trying to stay connected to people back home, friends and you, then they aren’t really paying too much attention to their academics. They maybe haven’t had any assessments in this time period, but they’ve gotten material. They’re going to feel like they’ve heard this material before, because from the outside, their classes look like classes they’ve taken, but the fatal mistake that student’s make, is that just because it’s the same subject, doesn’t mean you’re going to be assessed on the same knowledge and information. In college, you’re not being assessed on what you know, or the facts, like in high school. You’re being assessed on applying an understanding and having more sophisticated understanding of the information. A test is looking for the best answer, not the right answer. Students are in this time, not really preparing for what’s to come in the second phase. 00:16:32 Christine: Very true. Katy: I’ve learned this, but over the years, the hard way of telling students in the fifth week, this is what you can expect. Just three bits of advice on that. One, I always encourage students to give themselves time and space to make friends, and not to try and just make friends by the people who are in closest proximity to them. They want to be friends with their roommate, or their suitemate, or the person who sits next to them in a gen ed class. Honestly, these are proximity friends who are usually going to turn over. Your student’s more likely to find their very truest friends in organizations and involvement opportunities that they really care about and in courses within their major. Those are going to be the people who actually have something in common with, not people they randomly got put next to in the structure of the university. 00:17:21 The other advice I have for students is to never miss a class, and to begin working on assignments the moment they are assigned, not when they are due. All three of those bits of advice come into play in this first phase, because they start to set up. Those are the best things they can do in that first phase to sort of navigate that level of challenge. Christine: Excellent. Definitely. Katy: The second phase, I think on the sheet I shared, I called it culture shock. I’ve recently shifted it to reality check, but same thing. This is really when the “I’m at summer camp” begins to wear off, and they realize that they live here now, and that these people are getting on their nerves. Homesickness can amplify because of this. The desire to want to come home may become even more acute, because not only are the people starting to get on their nerves because stress and pressure and weariness are starting to increase, but they’re going to have their first round of assessments during this time, so their first round of exams and papers, and their not going to do as well as they thought they were going to do, because they don’t know how to prepare for a college level academic work. They’re going to use what worked for them in high school, and usually what worked for them in high school isn’t going to work for them in college, even if they were at the top of their class. In fact, sometimes, guys who were at the top of their class didn’t really have to study, actually do the worst in this first round, because they aren’t equipped to have to do the work it takes. I find sometimes a B student who was really scrappy in high school, fairs really well during this time, and an A student, who never lifted a finger, could do everything at the last minute, really gets a rude awakening at this time. That’s normal. The good news is that usually, this first round of assessments are lowest value, because professors know this is what’s going to happen. 00:10:09 My advice is not to be like, “I’m a failure at college. What has happened?” To like, “okay, now, we know what to expect and we can take some steps to improve our academics, our time management, our stress management.” It’s a red flag to start putting into place the things that a student needs. I know every parent out there is like, “what can I do ahead of this moment, to make sure this doesn’t happen to my student.” Nothing. I hate to say that. There’s nothing you can do really. You can tell them until you’re blue in the face, and they’re going to hear it from orientation people, and they’re going to hear it from their professors, and they’re going to think it doesn’t apply to them until it happens. The most important thing you can do for your student, is to make sure they have just in time information when the challenge emerges, so that the student can then repair and grow and learn from the mistake. You cannot prevent them from facing the adversity. The adversity is not bad. The adversity actually is good, and is going to help them improve and grow. The trick is helping them learn to weather the adversity. 00:20:09 Christine: Excellent. I’m giving a plug to those B students out there. I was one of you. We’re scrappy. It’s good. Katy: Me, too. We’re all scrappy. I’m very resourceful and it’s a good thing. Christine: Yes. I worked hard for my high B’s and A’s. Really hard. Katy: Yes. It will help you in life. Christine: It does. Katy: The third phase I call the scramble. This is that eight to 12 week period, and the reason this is scramble, is because of that first round of tests, maybe the student didn’t do well, and now the student is, “oo, I really need to figure this academic thing out.” You may find, too, during this time, that the student’s commitments increase. They become busier. That might make them feel a little bit left out of things. Also, an idea about changing a major usually emerges during this time. At many universities, this is when advising begins. I know that’s crazy, because you’re like, “What? We just got to college,” but advising usually starts during this phase. A student feels a slight bit of pressure that they have to really commit to this thing, because they’re going to sign up for another semester of classes. It is very common for students to change their major at some point during the first three semesters. I’ve seen statistics as high as 70% of students do change their major at some point in the first three semesters. It’s important to allow your student the space and time to explore this. I think this is the linchpin of a successful college experience is having a student be in a major that really, truly inspires them, and having a clear idea of why they’re in college for themselves. It has to be authentic and in alignment with who they really are. If that’s true, a lot of the challenges of college sort of fall away, and a lot falls into place. If that’s not true, the student can really struggle with motivation, with connecting with using their college intentionally. You’re going to usually see that start to emerge at this time, because of either academic performance, exposure to a major finally, that they thought was a good match on paper, but now, they’ve tested it, and it’s not, questioning about the classes they have to take next semester. This first semester was fine, but, “Oh, man, now I have to take Calculus to major in this? Oo, I don’t want to take Calculus.” They start to get more information and start to king of be like, “Oo, I don’t know.” Christine: Yeah. Two things on that, first of all, you have a really great podcast episode about this, about the major and motivation. I listened to it. It was great. I’m going to have that in the show notes. Katy: Thank you. 00:22:33 Christine: I have one where I talk about majors and I talk about the statistics and how parents are all freaking in high school about does the college have the major and this, and I always talk about like, find a college that fits them, and has a wide variety of majors, because of that statistic. If they go in, all in one, and there isn’t a variety, they’re limited, and the transfer rates, I think, would be a little higher, or just miserable. Katy: Yeah. A lot of schools are going away from having them declare a major in the first semester, really innovative, forward schools, that they’re doing away with the pressure on the major and giving more space for exploration. The thing is, is that it’s one of these things, that we want to frontload this into a teenager. A teenager simply does not have enough experience, and life experience and exposure to make these decisions. Even if you make them take all the assessments in the world, an assessment is just not enough. An assessment is just one way to get information. They have got to have some life experiences to start to refine both who they are and how who they are connects to the world of work. They don’t know enough about who they are, and they don’t know enough about the world of work to make those connections. That’s honestly what the college experience is for. The college experience is not just to check a box and get a credential to get a job. That’s an old model. This is like my soapbox. I’ll get on my soapbox, because this is my soapbox thing. 00:23:56 Christine: No. It’s good. I’m with you. I’m cheering her on. I’m like yes, go! Katy: This is my passion. My background’s in History and I talk a lot about Economic History, and that’s an antiquated model. When a small percentage of people had access to college, and it was a way to vet professionals. You become a subset of professionals if you went to college. That is not what college is for now. College is to educate you in some really important transferable skills that employers desperately want, and those are things like communication, collaboration, the ability to pivot, the ability to problem solve, the ability to communicate, and a college degree provides your student with those things. However, it’s not ticking off the boxes, like, I got into the prestigious school, and then, I got the right major, and then, I got the right internship, and then, I got the right job. That’s not really the model any more. It’s what you do during that time. That idea, I just get in the right school, get in the right major, and then I can just party the rest of the time, and then, I’m set for life. That’s the 70’s. That’s not how it is. Christine: You’re making people sad. Katy: You have to do something with it. Christine: Sorry. I’m sorry. Probably not parents. The parents are going “Whoo.” Katy: That’s why picking something that truly aligns with them, is essential. That’s what I help students do. That’s what my work is. My coaching work is helping students figure out their life and then using college to make it happen. I think it is the tie that binds. It is the thing. 00:25:29 Christine: Absolutely. Preach. Go! Katy: Yeah. The final phase is the time to get serious phase. This the one, you asked me, parents worry. This is the phase that is worrying to parents. All the stress, all the poor sleep, all of the kind of depletion from the transition of the college experience sort of comes to a head in this phase. This can be a really beautiful phase, where they really can move their grades really high, and they can really do cool projects. They can really start to get to know their professors. They can get really involved in organization and kind of get their stride, or it’s the phase where students want to drop out, are hospitalized for mental health breakdowns, become very ill with things like the flu, pneumonia. The reason for the negative things are the high stress, low immunity because of the stress and the poor self-care that happens, coupled with the highest value assignments being at this time of the semester. It can kind of come to a head and this is also when they come home for Thanksgiving, and you’re going to be like, “what has happened to my baby?” They’re in their room, trying to do their paper that’s due the Monday after Thanksgiving break, because there’s only a week and a half of the semester left, and that last week is when everything’s due. You’re irritated because you’re like, I just want to hang out with my baby on Thanksgiving, and it’s just the nature of how the semester is structured that causes that. I’m telling you this because this is the most challenging time of the semester for them, but also for you, as a parent. 00:27:05 Christine: Yes. Thanksgiving is a joke. My daughter’s out-of-state, so it’s four days. It’s the worst time to travel. Any more, I just go down to where she is, and we’re going to go something local there, because she has so much work. She feels bad if we go places with the family, because she wants to write her papers that are due. Be prepared for that, mom, because that was shocking. It’s the things you don’t remember when you’re a student in college. Katy’s right on. Katy: I think things have changed a little bit. Back when some of us may have been in college, the model, especially even in the freshman year, was a midterm and a final, and there were fewer assignments. Now, there’s a lot more assignments and it’s by design to help your student have as many opportunities to influence a positive as possible. But it creates a lot more work than what you, maybe, experienced when you went to college. 00:28:04 Christine: Yeah. Yes. Be warned. Katy: It’s actually a retention initiative. Christine: Big time. It is big. My listeners, Katy has shared a download printable of all of the transitions with us, so make sure you go to my website. I’m going to have the link at the end of my podcast and you can have that printed for you to remind you. Yes. Excellent. All right, so Katy if you could have all of the entering college freshmen parents in one gianormous room and had the ability to give them one piece of advice, what would it be? Katy: Use the university’s resources, and also, any other supplemental resources out there. There’s a lot of them. This is a difficult challenge for you, as a student and parent, and the fact that it’s challenging is not a sign you don’t belong there, right? I think there’s that perception. I hear students say this, “if I got in, that’s enough. I should be able to just do this thing easily. That’s a sign that I’m capable of doing this.” I hear from parents all the time, “I really need to enlist you. I really wish you’d told this to my student, because they don’t listen to me. I tell them this stuff, but they don’t listen to me.” The way around that is by enlisting support outside of the family of other adults and mentors, just as you would as an adult. Find professionals to assist you through the process of transition or a challenging experience, or an opportunity, like you would hire a coach, right? For this transition into becoming an empty nest parent, or you would hire a financial planner, or a realtor, or a fitness instructor for any kind of thing you want to achieve. It’s the same thing for your college student. You can hire outside coaches like me to help them with certain things. There’s executive functioning coaches. There are tutors. There are people like me that help them figure out what they want to do with their lives. The university, itself, has a slew of people. 00:30:15 I would say, the most important thing is finding a mentor on your campus, like students finding an adult mentor. That person can be a professional on the campus, or they can be a faculty member on the campus. I would encourage an adult mentor over a student mentor. Those student mentors are helpful as well, making sure that the student is engaging in the experience of college and not fearful of sort of popping their head up and saying, “I need help. I don’t know. Where do I go for…, what kinds of resources do we have to help me with this?” That download also has, kind of depending on what the challenge is, the different offices that are the go-to, kind of generic, offices at most campuses, right? Depending on what the issues are. I think that’s the top most important thing, is to really understand what your university is offering to support your student, but also understand that when you are thinking about developing and supporting your student, what that means to you and what that means to the university are different. The university’s objective is to retain, so keep your student there, and make them persist, so get them to graduate. Your objective is for your student to develop into a happy, successful, amazing person. Sometimes, if your little B-student with a major, is sort of internally struggling and the university’s not going to necessarily know that, because based on their metrics, your B-student, who might be internally struggling with what they want to do and with their motivation, isn’t showing up on their radar, because on the surface she looks perfectly fine. She’s got a major. She’s making good grades. She’s attending class. She’s in a club. Check, check, check, she’s on the road to persistence and retention. That’s how a lot of people get out of college with a degree and good grades, and they’re like, “Now what? Why did I just do that?” There’s a disconnection between what you’re doing during college, and how to sort of maximize the investment. Yes, you want to use the resources on your university, but you also have to understand that you have to advocate for yourself, and you have to kind of be very strategic about kind of getting your foot in the door for the opportunities. That’s my biggest take-away is engage with the investment of college itself. Then, of course, there’s all kinds of other things, too, but I think that’s the best entry point, especially during the first semester, is to just be really connected. 00:32:45 Christine: That’s great advice. I think it’s something that easier for someone who’s very social and extroverted. Katy: Yes. Christine: The students who tend to sit back, parents need to understand that it might take them a little longer, and they might need more encouragement to get out there and talk to other people. I have seen that. I’m the kind of person I’ll talk to anybody; although, I’m introverted, I have my threshold. There are other people who just sit back, and it might take a year before they find someone they’re comfortable with. I don’t know how you battle that. Do you have any ideas? Katy: Universities, themselves, will have programs trying to connect students to mentors. A lot of students don’t sign up for that kind of stuff, because they want to seem cool, and they’re looking to their left and looking at their right, to see what other students are doing. In high school, I think we’ve been trained to conform for survival. In college, you don’t want to conform for survival. You have to not conform to survive. It’s the opposite. That conditioning, especially in mainstream, big public high school to conform to survive, in some ways, when I see students take off like rockets, it’s because they found their own little groove. They’re starting to understand who they are, and they’re starting to be cool with that. That quirkiness and that uniqueness is how they’re connecting with quirky professors and upper class students who have the same passion as them. You can be in a club that’s only about this one anime show that nobody else at your high school likes, but at your college, there’s ten people who do. Suddenly, your geekiness and your quirks and your nonconformity are your superpowers, but you sit out yet, which is why giving space to kind of understand who you are, is really important. Christine: Excellent. I think you the tweet of episode. In college, you don’t want to conform for survival. I was like, “Yes! That’s it.” They should have that in our head, when we start applying. That’s great. That sounds great. I’m a subscriber of your podcast, Collegehood Advice, and as I mentioned earlier, in the intro, I love it! Can you tell my audience a bit about your podcast? 00:35:03 Katy: Yeah. My podcast, I think of it as curating experts and resources and tools, techniques, strategies, stories, to help students kind of gather all the information and tools they need to thrive during their college experience. We talk about a wide range of topics. I try to cover a wide of range of experiential topics, from everything from sort of college life type issues, all the way to productivity, major, and everything in between. You can listen to it anywhere you listen to podcasts. It’s short format, normally, so it’s 10 to 30 minute episodes, and that’s on purpose, so that a student can listen to it on their walk to class. A lot of times parents are like, “I want you to tell these things to my student.” The podcast is the way to get me in your student’s ears. The podcast episodes are very strategically released to be in rhythm with the academic year. I’m always releasing a podcast that’s relevant to what’s in the mind of most students at that moment of the year. It’s helpful for students across all four years. It’s not just for first semester freshmen. I would recommend the best way to get me in the ears of your student, is to have them subscribe to the podcast and getting in the habit of listening to it weekly. There’s other ways to engage, my email list, I have free resources there to kind of help them take their first steps towards cultivating some academic habits that are healthy and more sustainable, instead of thinking of them in terms of right and wrong. I think about it in terms of authenticity and sustainabilities. You might find things that work for you, but they need to be sustainable. They need to be working for you. By working for you, I mean, you’re sleeping, you’re well, and you’re getting the outcomes you want. Not working for you, we think of it’s just getting the outcomes you want, and it’s not. You have to be sleeping, well, and getting the outcomes you want, or else what you’re doing isn’t working for you. A way for a student to get information, young adults are different than teenagers in that young adults actually want to hear research based information from experts, not their peers. Teenagers want to hear information from their peers. Young adults start to want to hear information from experts. That’s what we do. We collect together experts from all over the country to get that information in the ear of students, so it doesn’t just sound like random advice mom’s giving me. 00:37:43 Christine: Yes. It’s true. I’ve sent episodes to my daughter, “Hey, who’s editing this podcast? And, if you haven’t subscribed yet, do it now.” Really, mom’s you need to get your children to subscribe to her podcast, because it’s going to help everyone. Definitely. Katy: Yeah. A lot of that is reinforcing to the work of the university. It seemed to augment, so we refer a lot to the resources on universities, where to go, who to ask, who’s there to help you. Christine: Absolutely. As I mentioned earlier, Katy has been kind enough to share a printable document with us, so head to my website to pick it up today. It’s a fantastic “Transition Map of Your Child’s First Semester in College and Resources.” You are going to want this. Pick it up at www.youremptynestcoach.com/p28, so that’s P for podcast, and the number 28. Katy, is there anything else you would like to share with my amazing future empty nest friend, today? Katy: I think we’ve covered it. I think the other thing is just remember that a good rule of thumb is always ask yourself, am I supporting my student to do XYZ, or am I doing XYZ for my student? When you’re about to take an action, ask yourself that question, and if the answer is I’m doing it for my student, stop yourself, and then, think about how can I support my student to do XYZ, and that will help kind of guide you in this transition. Christine: Excellent advice. That’s great. Before you go, I have four questions that I ask every guest of mine. They’re the most important part of the podcast. I swear. First of all, waffles or pancakes? Katy: Pancakes. Christine: Anything on them? Katy: I like pancakes every way they come, but I like New Hampshire maple syrup. My parents live in New Hampshire, and my mom is generous enough to send me that syrup and that’s what I want on them. Christine: All right. That sounds so good. What is one item you couldn’t live without and why? Katy: I really thought about this a lot, and I don’t know that I have one. Christine: Really? Katy: I’m pretty scrappy. I’m like eh, I could probably figure it out without it. I need the internet, because then I couldn’t talk to you. If we lost the internet, I’d be really bummed. Christine: I think I’m there, too. Yes. I’m ready to live in an RV, in a tent, permanently, but I need the internet. Katy: Exactly. Yes. I could be minimalist, with the internet. Christine: Yes. There we go. That’s it. Do you have an all time favorite movie? Katy: Yes. It’s the “Princess Bride.” Christine: So good. So good. Katy: I don’t know why. I watched it when I was a kid, in someone’s basement, and it just captured my imagination and I’ve loved it every since. Christine: That’s so great. I love it. Okay. You have an hour of alone time, no one will bother you, what is your go to thing to do?
Katy: I have small children, so I’m going to sleep.
Christine: Excellent answer. That’s what every mother of young children say, I swear.
Katy: Nobody’s tapping you on the shoulder at 5:00 in the morning.
Christine: This has been so much fun. Thanks so much for being here. Thanks for everything that you do to assist college students and their parents on their journey through college.
Katy: Thank you so much for having me. This has been so much fun.
00:41:04 Christine: That was so much fun. I highly recommend that you mention this podcast to your college student as I’ve mentioned before, as Katy has a ton of great topics that your student will find helpful in the years to come. You may find Katy’s podcast wherever you listen to podcasts. It is titled Collegehood Advice, and you may also find her on Instagram or Facebook, with the handle, you guessed it, Collegehood Advice. All of these details will be included in my show notes, along with a link to her website, collegehoodadvice.com. Thanks for joining Katy and I today. Don’t forget to download the printable that she gave us. It includes the “First Semester Transition Map and College Resources.”
00:41:45 Please don’t hesitate to fly on over to our Facebook group. Our name is Green Popsicle Sticks. Want to know why? Listen to episode number 17, or head to my website, youremptynestcoach.com/community, for links to join our flock. Why should you join our group? The adjustment to having your kiddos at home full time isn’t always easy, but it sure can be a ton more fun with a flock of friends. We look forward to seeing you there.
00:42:10 If you are ready to begin the journey to find future you, and use her are your GPS, sign up for my free program, “The Empty Nest: A Guide to Discovering Future You.” Curious about it first? Check out episode 13, it covers the high-level content of my free program, which includes videos and worksheets to allow you to dive deeper.
00:42:31 The questions I have for you in this episode are: What are you most focused on for your child’s first semester? My second question, if you attended college, what are some defining moments that you remember from your first semester? As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. You’ll also find show notes for this and every episode on my website.
00:42:56 My next episode is: All About Future You, and I Don’t Know What to Do Next. If my show has helped you in anyway, please share it with one other person you think it will help too. You’ll be giving them a free gift. Thanks for your time and energy with that, and thanks so much for listening, my empty nest friend. Remember, you are amazing!