153: Listen to this episode when the holidays are approaching 💚

153: Empty Nest Help - Listen to this episode when the holidays are approaching 💚

Original Posting Date: November 2021

Hello, my amazing friend. 👋

Thanks for stopping by!

I'd love to know if you find this episode helpful in any way. 

Looking for the printable transcript? Click here for holiday empty nest help.


 

Holiday Topics Included

  • Your adult/emerging adult child is home for the holidays

  • Your family stresses you out

  • You are alone

  • Dealing with parental guilt

  • Mourning a loved one

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"My amazing friend, I'm not here to become your guru or advice provider. Nah, that's way too much pressure for me, to be honest. I'm here to guide you on a path to discover how to use you as your own internal GPS, and I'll cheer you all along the way."

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

Listen to @emptynestcoach 's 🎙podcast episode: Listen to this episode when the holidays are approaching  💚 #collegeparents #life #emptynestsuccess #newepisode ▶

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This Episode is Brought to You By

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:42  Podcast Intro
  • 01:10   Why am I creating these episodes? 
  • 03:23  How to use the GPS Reset exercises/affirmations
  • 05:13  The topic is holidays
  • 05:50  When your emerging adult child is home for the holidays
  • 08:30  When visiting family stresses you out 
  • 10:52   When you are alone during the holidays
  • 13:25    When you have parental holiday guilt
  • 16:56    When you are mourning a loved one

Episode Resources

Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 1-920-LIFEWIN (1-920-543-3946). 📞

Legal disclaimer: Listening to this podcast doesn't make Christine your official coach, and this podcast is not meant to replace your doctor or therapist. Curious? Click here for the deets!

First time here? Try these episodes & resources:

For those who are freaking out about the empty nest years. It is time to make the rest of your life the best of your life!

Subscribe To This Podcast

It is FREE!

Want to get notified of new episodes directly on your phone? Subscribe to this podcast using your favorite app!

The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 153

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Listen to this episode when the HOLIDAYS are approaching.

Hello, amazing human! This episode is a little different from my normal episode. It is something I have been wanting to do for a long time. I did these in Clubhouse when I was active there and titled them GPS Reset exercises. My tentative plan is to do one episode of these a month with supporting documents in our Empty Nest Success online space.

For those of you who are new here, I will include my normal intro- go ahead; for those of you who are used to it, tap that 30-second forward button and dive right in. You'll also find time markers to topic sections in the show notes - you may need to tap details or more (depending on what app you are using to listen) to view those. Thanks for listening. Here we go.

00:00:42

[up beat music]

This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter-ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.

00:01:10

Why am I making these episodes?

Well, that's a great question! I've had people reach out to me through social direct messages, emails, and sometimes voice messages - in those messages they share with me that while they are doing their thing: walking, doing chores, having conversations in their head - you know, living their life, they'll hear my voice in their head saying something they've heard me say on the podcast. And sometimes, that allows them to reframe the situation they're in.

For those of you who this is true for - or for who it may become true for, I want to assist a bit more by creating some affirmations and positive thoughts - these GPS Resets - for key moments in your life. These are events that might lead you to sit back and allow your protector to take over and run your life. Your protector (or what some view as our ego) does this because they take their job seriously, and they want to - protect you - but when they take over, we, as humans, never get to consider other possibilities in life. We are limited in how we experience moments, and our true selves continue to hide away -missing yet another opportunity to live life, figure out who we are, and to grow - missing out on allowing our own internal GPS to build strength.

Sure, doing this work may mean we experience moments that are incredibly raw and filled with emotion - trust me - I've been experiencing a ton of this myself over the last few years - and especially this year. It is, after all, MUCH easier to allow our protector to- protect us. It's easier to walk through life on auto-pilot.

00:02:50

Here's the thing. It is your life.

You get to choose how to proceed. It doesn't matter to me one way or the other what you choose to do - I'd love to see you choose you - but ultimately, it's all you to decide, my amazing friend.

Ask yourself, do I want to sleepwalk through life, or do I want to consciously wake up and begin - or continue to - consider the thoughts in my mind?

All of these things are why I am creating these episodes. To begin you on your journey of considering your thoughts.

00:03:23

[computer game level-up music (short)]

My amazing friend, I'm not here to become your guru or advice provider. Nah, that's way too much pressure for me, to be honest. I'm here to guide you on a path to discover how to use you as your own internal GPS, and I'll cheer you all along the way.

And with that in mind, what is even more powerful than hearing MY voice in your mind, is to hear YOUR voice in your mind.

If you are short on time, and one of these affirmations really resonates with you, use them as is. However, if you're ready for the next step, I encourage you to pop over to our Empty Nest Success online space, where you will find a PDF of the full transcript of this episode. Download it , copy the text that works for you, modify it, adjust words that don't resonate with you, and replace them with better ones - ones that work for you! Be genuine to you; imagine your future self talking to you now, and what would they want to say to you? When you have text that resonates with you, open your voice app on your phone, record it in your voice - title it appropriately so you can find it quickly and get listening.

If you are like me - I have an ADHD brain - it may take you a while to get used to remember you have it on your phone as an option, but one day you will remember... and then you'll find messages for all sorts of times that you can reference whenever you need them. You may even find yourself creating your own for times that you know you'll need them for.

May this encourage and inspire you going forward.

Thanks for listening, and thanks for gifting yourself with this - future you and I are cheering you on, my amazing friend - you're taking one more step toward becoming the Conscious Effective Olympian (the C.E.O.) of your life!

00:05:13

[computer game level-up music (short)]

HOLIDAYS

The focus for today's GPS Reset Exercises is HOLIDAYS. Initially, I was going to focus on Thanksgiving, but what I found in preparing this is that the general holiday season brings up similar themes for most of us.

I have five versions of this for you. In each version, I'm going to say them and then leave space for you to repeat what I say. That's how they're meant to be used. I covered the five first instances that came to my mind with my limited time available. Hopefully, if your holiday status isn't covered, this will inspire you to make your own version. Check my show notes to jump to the title that resonates with you, or enjoy them all.

00:05:50

[computer game level-up music (short)]

This GPS Reset Exercise is for when your Adult/Emerging Adult Children are Home for the Holidays

With the holidays ahead, I know the energy in my home is about to change as my children return home. I gift myself with patience as I navigate the emotions that arise in me. I gift my children with love, love, and more love. I take a deep breath in and out and let go of the roles we have filled in the past. I take another deep breath in and out and consider the opportunity I have to get to know my child(ren) all over again. Releasing past experiences, releasing future expectations, [and] Setting loving boundaries ahead of time, if needed. Lovingly communicating with my adult child and understanding that I can fill a new role of support going forward: the safe space, the listener, and the cheerleader - even when they share dreams and goals that scare me. I gift myself now with time to consider how I would like to proceed in our relationship first letting go of all past and prior expectations. I am an amazing human. I am worth gifting myself this time now to discover how I would like to change things in the future. Be it my relationship with my children and, more importantly, with myself. I will embrace the chaos when it happens, laugh when I can, cry when I need to, and everything in between. I am worth this time. I am worth this work. I am an amazing human ready to embrace the holidays.

00:08:30

[computer game level-up music (short)]

This GPS Reset Exercise is for when Visiting family that stresses you out.

With the holidays ahead, there is an expectation that I will spend time with my family. Some of my family members drain my energy. I take a deep breath in and out as I consider who just came to mind. I take another deep breath in and out and consider: do I HAVE to spend time with them over the holidays? - Knowing the answer may surprise me. I gift myself with time now to consider ways to navigate holiday time with them I consider loving boundary statements to have on hand should I need to gift myself with time away from them. I am doing the work to discover who I am, and as I do that, it sometimes makes it evident who I need space from in order to take care of myself. I am worth that. I need to protect myself and my family; I deserve the gift. No one will do it for me, but I can do it for myself. I will remember that one small change in this area is a HUGE change for me, and I will be patient as I begin to protect my energy. I am an amazing human. I am worth this uncomfortable work, and I'm ready to embrace the holidays with love, boundaries, and a dash of humor.

00:10:52

[computer game level-up music (short)]

This GPS Reset Exercise is for when you are Alone During the Holidays

With the holidays ahead, there is a societal expectation that I will spend time with family and friends. As of right now, I have no plans. I take a deep breath in and a deep breath out as I consider what I am making this mean. I take another deep breath in and a deep breath out to consider if I want to be alone or not. I take another deep breath; in let it out to consider if the answer is no; I will consider all of the ways I could not be alone and virtual meetings count!

When I am happy being alone, I give myself permission to enjoy the quiet. When I'd rather not be alone, I provide a safe space to myself to consider out-of-the-box ideas on how to share my life with others. I deserve time to rest; I deserve time to rejuvenate myself. I am patient with myself as I figure out what I want this holiday and for future holidays. Being alone, I have the opportunity to break traditions and make my own. I will embrace the things that bring me joy. I will do things on this day that make me feel rested, peaceful and seek out some laughter. I will feel my emotions knowing I am strong enough to process through them. I am an amazing human, whether I'm in a room full of people or whether I'm by myself.

00:13:25

[computer game level-up music (short)]

This GPS Reset Exercise is for Holiday Parental Guilt

With the holidays ahead, I gift myself with focusing on my own family. I take the time to release comparisons that my mind likes to do with others who I might believe are "doing it better," whatever that means. I take a deep breath in, let it out ,and release any ideas of what others do. I take another deep breath in, and out, as I release any thoughts that I may be "less than" in my role as a parent. With one more deep breath in and out I release expectations that I have for myself that haven't been placed there from a source of love and understanding of my life, abilities, and financial status.

I am an amazing human who has done the best I could in every moment. I remind myself that hindsight is 2020 that I can't change the past, but I can be ever-present in the present, and there is no greater gift to give my child than being a safe space for them than being a good listener and cheering them on I gift myself with removing any assumptions I have about them I will remind myself that my children have their own struggles their own dreams their own emotions and that those may be vastly different from mine That doesn't make theirs wrong or mine wrong. I will gift myself in noticing my thoughts about them, and about myself. I will choose thoughts that bring me peace. I will remember to be the best me that I can be in every moment that is all anyone can ask of me, and I'm freaking amazing anyway, so I'm going to be my best amazing self this holiday that I can be in each and every moment knowing that my best self is different moment to moment and that, is an incredible gift I can give to me, and when I take care of myself my children will learn to honor their amazing self. I'm ready for this holiday, and I'm going to enjoy each moment.

00:16:56

[computer game level-up music (short)]

This GPS Reset Exercise is for Holidays While Mourning A Loved One

I am here in this moment, right now. I have had a lot to process over the last year or years, and I know that the holidays will bring up emotions of my loved ones that aren't here with me. I give myself extreme permission to feel those emotions. I also give myself extreme permission to feel opposing emotions. I remind myself that it is perfectly fine for me to feel peaceful. It is more than okay for me to laugh, and, yes, I can have happiness while I continue to mourn.

I will cherish memories; I will make new ones. I remind myself that the new memories do not erase past memories. They are simply new memories. I will take deep breaths in and out as I navigate the holiday ahead without my loved one. I miss them. And that is okay. I wish they were here. And that is okay. I will notice my thoughts, process my emotions and then pull myself into the present - where I am now. I will notice things I didn't notice before. I will look for beauty everywhere, and I will fiercely love myself in every moment. I will enjoy time I have with those I have the honor to spend time with. Most of all, I will gift myself with tremendous love and patience. I will gift myself with discovering what I need - whether it is to be in a room full of people or to spend some time alone. There is no right or wrong answer - there is what I need. I gift myself with that, and I remember through it all that I am freaking amazing.

That's all I have for today. Remember, make these your own. Take what resonates, and leave the rest. Modify them - record it for yourself.

[up beat music]

You have an amazing tool, friend - it is your powerful mind - and I encourage you to use it for you rather than against you. You've got this, and have a wonderful, peaceful, thought-conscious-filled season. You are amazing!

You are amazing!

[End]


138: Shared Future Goals (The Daily Experiment) 💚

138: Shared Future Goals (The Daily Experiment) 💚

Hello, my amazing friend!

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"This future-you dreaming is powerful and incredibly important, my friend."

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

@emptynestcoach 's podcast episode today: Shared Future Goals

Click to Tweet

This Episode is Brought To You By

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:44 Quick Reminders
  • 01:07 My Lessons Learned: Your Future Self and Sharing Future Goals

Episode Resources

Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 1-920-LIFEWIN (1-920-543-3946). 📞

Legal disclaimer: Listening to this podcast doesn't make Christine your official coach, and this podcast is not meant to replace your doctor or therapist. Curious? Click here for the deets!

First time here? Try these episodes & resources:

For those who are freaking out about the empty nest years. It is time to make the rest of your life the best of your life!

Subscribe To This Podcast

It is FREE!

Want to get notified of new episodes directly on your phone? Subscribe to this podcast using your favorite app!

The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 138

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #138.  If you are new here, know that I tend to use terms I’ve used in prior episodes - should you feel a bit lost when this happens, I invite you to use my show notes for a list of earlier episodes to get caught up! High-level, I’m all about coaching you to become the CEO of Your Life and in my world, CEO stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up 

[level-up music]

your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.

I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. Here we go…

[short intro music]

00:00:44

Quick reminders: You’ll find the answer to all of your questions, where I’ve been and more on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com. I love feedback on the episodes and if you enjoy this, don’t forget to subscribe or follow in your favorite podcast player. SupaPass, who powers our online community, (that’s coming soon) is our fabulous episode sponsor. 

00:01:07

[computer game level up music (short)] 

My Lessons Learned 

What have I learned recently? 

Shared future-goals are super fun! In my last episode I talked about knowing where you are heading without being set on how you get there. With our personal move, hubby and I have been discussing what is next for us… how soon is retirement in our future? What does that even look like for us? And those things. I’ll be honest, walks are our best time to communicate, and he’s been doing some fun research. 

Both of us know our full-time day job work isn’t something we can walk away from any time soon due to the need to catch up on our nest egg, our current commitments and those things, but we came up with a super fun and adventurous plan for our retirement together: one that will take many years of research and planning to pull off in a way we will be comfortable. I will say, it is incredible how much more meaningful our full-time work became now that we have this fun adventure to work toward. 

We discussed on one walk how without that plan, it does feel a bit like a hamster wheel - you begin to wonder, “Where is the end?” - I mean the answer definitely could be, “well, there isn’t one.” That’s fun, and yes, that’s sarcasm; but not knowing what the end COULD look like can be defeating… 

But then… add in some dreaming and planning into the mix and you may begin to see the strong possibility of making something happen that invigorates you, that gives you a reason why you do what you do - at least for now. 

00:02:41

On another walk, we also discussed that this plan totally might change the more research we do, and that’s okay. The research is half the fun. I talk about this often when I’m coaching clients and talking in my podcast about your future-self: once you discover who they are - you can use them as your GPS for your life. You let them guide you and then you do research. You try living in the idea of that future-life possibility by deeply (ever so deeply) using your imagination -  in excruciating detail - and do that for some time - to play out how it might really look for you. It is only then, that you can begin to ask questions such as: 

  • Do I like that lifestyle? 

  • Does the lifestyle allow me to keep the things I love about my current life?

  • Am I willing to give up what I’ll need to give up to get there?

  • Am I willing to give up who I’ll need to give up in my life to get there?

  • Do I like my sleeping and waking hours? 

  • Do I have the same support group around me or a different one and is that okay?

  • Do I like how much free time I have?

  • Was the work to get there worth the benefits?

00:03:57

Many of my clients do this work and do find that the “dream” that they thought they wanted, is actually a bit of a drag in one way or another. It is then that they get to decide if they wanna scrap that dream completely or maybe adjust it a bit. 

This future-you dreaming is powerful and incredibly important, my friend. 

I’ve been doing this stuff for years on my own, you can’t just ask someone to join you and expect them to be on board when they are so entrenched in details of where their life is now. It takes work to get to this point where you can dream again. But over time, if you keep doing it, sometimes things will shift in your life, and those others in your life that weren’t able to dream might start to be able to dream, too. I will tell you, I’m having a blast listening to my husband's ideas, his excitement and dreams. 

Right now, some of these dreams we are super aligned together with - a couple we’re a little bit off but we have many years to figure it out together. 

00:05:02

And then let’s be real for a minute, with life we might not have all these future years that we think we have together - sucky things happen in life that you don’t expect but what excites me is that by dreaming we aren’t wasting this time being miserable where we are. What fun is that? 

We are dreaming for the future in a way that allows us almost the opportunity to live in it now and should we discover what we want that future - we can then begin to plan for it.

I’ve also mentioned this before - think about the moment you book a vacation. Yeah, remember those? For me, that vacation begins the moment I mentally decide we’re going on vacation because the planning really is part of the vacation. Have you experienced that? 

In this segment I leave you with - where could you be dreaming more? It’s super fun!

00:06:02

And with that - I’ll be back tomorrow talking about what’s in your life’s toolbox, where I’ve been and finding the funny.

Be sure to check your feed every day for the next week or so, and DEFINITELY let me know what you think of these new shorter episodes, my empty nest friend. 

It is Monday, and yes, even on Mondays You Are Amazing!

Talk tomorrow!

[end music]

00:06:24

[blooper]

[end music - splash]

[end]

137: A Mother’s Day Message 2021 (The Daily Experiment)💚

137: A Mother's Day Message 2021 ( The Daily Experiment)💚

Hello, my amazing friend!

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"To my friends who dislike this day because they are a Mother but their family just treats it like any other day: Yes, this happens. Please remember this one day is not the be all and end all to how they show your love. They love you, but they may not show it today. If you are still having a hard time feeling thankful, go back to my first two comments above and try looking at life a bit differently. Then treat yourself today. You are worth it."

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

@emptynestcoach 's podcast episode today: A Mother's Day Message 💚

Click to Tweet

This Episode is Brought To You By

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:44 Quick Reminders
  • 01:15 A Mother's Day Message

Episode Resources

Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 1-920-LIFEWIN (1-920-543-3946). 📞

Legal disclaimer: Listening to this podcast doesn't make Christine your official coach, and this podcast is not meant to replace your doctor or therapist. Curious? Click here for the deets!

First time here? Try these episodes & resources:

For those who are freaking out about the empty nest years. It is time to make the rest of your life the best of your life!

Subscribe To This Podcast

It is FREE!

Want to get notified of new episodes directly on your phone? Subscribe to this podcast using your favorite app!

The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 137

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #137.  If you are new here, know that I tend to use terms I’ve used in prior episodes - should you feel a bit lost when this happens, I invite you to use my show notes for a list of earlier episodes to get caught up! High-level, I’m all about coaching you to become the CEO of Your Life and in my world, CEO stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up 

[level-up music]

your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.

I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. Here we go…

[short intro music]

00:00:44

Quick reminders: I’m in the midst of super short daily episodes to combat a busy time in my life. For the details on that check out episode #135. You’ll find the answer to all of your questions, where I’ve been and more on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com. I love feedback on the episodes and if you enjoy this, don’t forget to follow or subscribe in your favorite podcast player. SupaPass who powers our online community - that’s coming soon - is our fabulous episode sponsor. 

00:01:15

Today I’m sharing something I found that I wrote and posted to Facebook back in 2016 - this was back when I posted on Facebook regularly. So, it’s been a while. I tweaked it a tiny bit and I share it with you today.

To my friends who think of their mother in heaven, today: 

Know that your mother lives in you. She’s proud of you, and she loves you. Remember those great moments together and I am sending you a hug. 

To my friends who think of their child in heaven, today: 

I have no words. Love. I send you love.

To my friends who have estranged relationships with their mother or child: 

I pray that peace will enter your lives this year - for both of you and that closure and the rekindling of a relationship - if possible and healthy - enters your life. May love win overall. Remember the good times even if they are hard to find.

To my friends who aren’t “Moms:”

I can’t begin to tell you how important you are to me. No matter your age, gender, race or how we know each other, YOU help me to be the mother I am. You listen even when you may not have a clue what I’m talking about and even when you may not want to hear me talk about my child anymore. You have NO idea how important that is to me and how much it helps me to be a better mother. THANK YOU.

And to my friends who dislike this day because they are a Mother but their family just treats it like any other day: 

Yes, this happens. Please remember this one day is not the be all and end all to how they show your love. They love you, but they may not show it today. If you are still having a hard time feeling thankful, go back to my first two comments above and try looking at life a bit differently.  Then treat yourself today. You are worth it.

To my friends who love this day because it is all about them and they feel the love from their family:

You are truly blessed. Enjoy every minute. You deserve it.

00:03:28

As I read through that, there’s probably a few things I’d tweak even a little more but you get the idea.

 I’ll be back tomorrow talking about the topic of shared future goals.

Be sure to check your feed every day for the next week or so for a new episode from me, and DEFINITELY let me know what you think of these new shorter episodes, my empty nest friend. 

Don’t you dare forget that You Are Amazing!

Talk tomorrow!

00:03:55

[blooper]

[end music]

136: The Daily Experiment – When You Worry About Re-Grieving a Lost Child 💚

136: The Daily Experiment - When You Worry About Re-Grieving a Lost Child 💚

Hello, my amazing friend!

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"Emotions may arise and that’s okay - you’re strong enough to get through them. Then you’ll begin to take inventory on the thoughts - I call those thoughts your thought-deliveries. And for each one you’re going to ask yourself: “Is it true?”  “Do I love this thought (or do I even like it)?” Consider if there is a way to adjust the thought in a way that allows you to show up better for yourself and the world now?"

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

Check out @emptynestcoach 's episode When you worry about grieving a lost child:

Click to Tweet

This Episode is Brought To You By

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:40 Quick Reminders
  • 01:42 Ask Coach Christine: Re-Grieving a Child

Episode Resources

Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 1-920-LIFEWIN (1-920-543-3946). 📞

Legal disclaimer: Listening to this podcast doesn't make Christine your official coach, and this podcast is not meant to replace your doctor or therapist. Curious? Click here for the deets!

First time here? Try these episodes & resources:

For those who are freaking out about the empty nest years. It is time to make the rest of your life the best of your life!

Subscribe To This Podcast

It is FREE!

Want to get notified of new episodes directly on your phone? Subscribe to this podcast using your favorite app!

The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 136

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #136.  If you are new here, know that I tend to use terms I’ve used in prior episodes - should you feel a bit lost when this happens, I invite you to use my show notes for a list of earlier episodes to get caught up! High-level, I’m all about coaching you to become the CEO of Your Life and in my world, CEO stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up 

[level-up music]

your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.

I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. Here we go…

00:00:40

Quick reminders: I’m in the midst of super short daily episodes to combat a busy time in my life. For the details on that check out episode #135. You’ll find the answer to all of your questions, where I’ve been and more on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com. I love feedback on the episodes and if you enjoy this, don’t forget to subscribe or follow in your favorite podcast player. SupaPass who powers our online community - that’s coming soon - is our fabulous episode sponsor. 

00:01:08

[computer game level up music (short)] 

Ask Coach Christine

I received this sobering question in my TikTok DMs. Tameria did give me permission to share her name, her question (although I did generalize it a bit), and my response to her. Here was Tameria’s initial question to me:

I’m listening to your podcast and enjoying it! I have a situation that I was wondering if you have dealt with. My first child died at a young age (cancer). My other child is a junior and I feel anxiety that I will re-grieve my first child while adjusting to the empty nest. Have you discussed bereaved parents on your podcast? 

00:01:42

My response? 

Thank you for reaching out Tameria. I have not covered this on my podcast thus far but you are the third person to ask me about this in the last couple of months so let me say a few words about it. 

First of all, I don’t have words to express how sorry I am for your loss. Whether it was two weeks ago or twenty years ago. I can’t imagine anything more painful than losing a child. I personally have not experienced this myself, so I can only offer what I do when coaching any happening in our life - it is first to know you are strong enough to feel your emotions when they pop-in, and also know that you’ll get to the other side of them.

Use those top of your C.E.O. toolbox items when the emotions begin to feel overwhelming: the hobbies that make you happy, the self-care routines that allow you to escape a bit - whatever those are for you. You can try adding “and that’s okay” to the end of statements you make in your mind - for example: “I miss my child... and that’s okay.” “I wish my child would have been able to experience this... and that’s okay I feel that way.” 

Try those until you are in a place where you can do a little bit more thought-work. When you do feel you are ready for the next step, take out a piece of paper and write down all of the thoughts you are thinking. Give yourself a five minute timer if it helps. 

Emotions may arise and that’s okay - you’re strong enough to get through them.

Then you’ll begin to take inventory on the thoughts - I call those thoughts your thought-deliveries. And for each one you’re going to ask yourself: 

“Is it true?”

“Do I love this thought (or do I even like it)?”

Consider if there is a way to adjust the thought in a way that allows you to show up better for yourself and the world now? 

One warning: be cautious of the “should have” statements that tend to pop-up as those are usually indicators that you aren’t accepting a truth about where you are now. 

For example: “My child should have been able to experience this.” Honestly, yes, they absolutely should have. I won’t argue that for a moment. However, if you continually focus on thoughts like these and spin on them, you don’t get to move into then thoughts like, “My child would have loved this, and I will enjoy it for them” - those types of thoughts.

I realize, also, I am saying this as if it’s easy. 

None of this work is easy -  even without adding a child’s early passing into the mix, so please give yourself grace, patience and kindness as you mourn, or when re-mourning moments pop-up. It’s okay when they do. You’ve got this.

Also remember that when you keep thought-deliveries in your mind about  how you might feel in the future, when your other child heads to college, in a way you are already living in it as if it’s already true. And with that, find things that help you to be present in your life now.

Continue to give yourself grace as you check your thoughts, and bump up those self-care things you love when things get really rough. It’s okay.

Should this topic be something you have on your mind, I’d be honored to work with you.

Thank you for your question and the permission to share it Tameria. You definitely aren’t alone and I am looking forward to an exciting future for you. Your child who passed would want that for you, too!

Now, my listener, ff you have a question you want me to focus on in an upcoming episode, use that google voice number 1-920-LIFEWIN. You may also do what Tameria did and DM me. I do consider all submissions.

And with that - I’ll be back tomorrow with a mother’s day message.

Be sure to check your feed every day for the next week or so, and DEFINITELY let me know what you think of these shorter episodes, my empty nest friend. 

And don’t you dare forget that You Are Amazing!

Talk tomorrow!

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