Category: partner

00:00:00
Christine:  You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 31: How Do I Find Friends in the Empty Nest?  This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child.  Sure, you’ve been busy volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone.  But your main gig, that has been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it is freaking you out.  I’ve been there and I get it.  Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.

00:00:36
Hello, my future empty nest friend.  I want to do a quick shout out to one of my podcast listeners and one of my sweet online friends, Gretchen, also known as the Planner Freak.  You may find her on Twitter or Instagram at the handle, the Planner Freak. Her Instagram feed is full of beautiful photos, videos, and great music.  She’s encouraging and kind. Getting to know people online, such as Gretchen, is one of the perks of starting this podcast. Thanks, Gretchen! My empty nest friend, I’ll have links to her Instagram and Twitter accounts in my show notes.

00:01:10
A quick reminder that all of my episodes are brought to you by my free seven-day program, “The Empty Nest:  A Guide to Uncovering My Future.”  To be clear, we are talking about your future, not mine.  Hop on over to my website, youremptynestcoach.com and sign up today.  Look for the link that says “Uncover Your Future.”


00:01:29
Today’s episode comes from a podcast listener suggestion.  They ask how do I find friends in the empty nest?  This is a great question. It falls in line with much of what this podcast is really all about, in that we spend so much time raising our children, and many times, our friendships tend to be built around where are children are in their life.  It isn’t difficult to find a friend in committees in our child’s school, other parents at the school, maybe our part-time job, our work, and more.  When your child’s activities no longer need your participation, the onset of new relationships in your life may dry up as well. Not only that, but the relationships that were based on commonalities, that have to do with your children, may begin to drift apart.

00:02:19
It is fantastic when a relationship you built over the years has deepened to a point where you have other commonalities, or you just love spending time with one another so much, that your friendship remains.  That is a very lucky place to be. It is also normal to find that there are friendships that were based entirely on those life moments that you had in common. Now that both of you are in new life moments, the friendship may fade.  You may realize it first, or the other person may realize it first. Things may slowly drift away or just end suddenly. It happens. It is part of life, and your thought about this is everything.

00:02:55
You could have thoughts such as I can’t believe they haven’t been in touch with me since three months ago.  Did our friendship mean anything to them? Or, I am so thankful for their friendship for as long as we were friends.  It was exactly what I needed at that time in my life. Or, I can’t wait until the time when we are able to reconnect again.  I encourage you to find a thought that allows you to be thankful for the friendship and allows you to be open to new friendships.

00:03:25
The second part of this, is supremely important and do some work on figuring out what kind of friendship you are looking for before you even begin looking.  Are you looking for a daily walking buddy? A weekly coffee friend? Maybe a group of friends to play board games with? Someone to travel with to exotic places?  Do you want an in-person friend, or are you looking for online friends? What are you looking for in the friendship? What kind of friend do you want to be?  

00:03:54
Once you know what you are looking for, where do you find these friendships?  I would be silly not to mention our Green Popsicle Sticks Facebook group for starters.  If you need a place to hang out with other amazing women, who are at different points in the empty nest transition, we will welcome you with open arms.  Another option to check out is Meetup.com.  This website lists in-person events on topics of all kinds, and in different locations.

00:04:22
I quickly looked at my town and found groups such as, a Hiking Around the City group, a Friend’s on the Go group, this one is open to anyone 40 years old or older, for creating new friendships and has almost 2,000 members.  Also, a Skiing Sports and Social Meetup group, a Chess and Cheers group, and my favorite was a Society of Geeks group, that I found. You may create an account on Meetup and dive in. Search on your interests and if you can’t find a group worth checking out, then consider creating your own group that is specific to your interest, which you already figured out.  Right? Why not bring the friends to you?

00:05:02
Another option is that since you did your due diligence, and figured out what type of friend you are looking for, where do you think you would meet such a friend?  Is there an activity you would have in common? For this, check out local events. Yes, you may look online for your town, such as Meetup, but you also should keep your eyes open as you pass those community bulletin boards that are in local stores and shops.  You’ll find some interesting events, especially if the shop is in the shop of your interest. Also, your public library is great for these resources as well. 

00:05:35
How about volunteering in an area of interest?  Do you love art? Volunteer in an Art Center. Do you love animals?  Volunteer in a local animal shelter. Love to sing? Join a choir. One of the best ways to make new friends is to hang out with people who have the same interests as you.  It’s really as easy as that. A fab thing is that you get to choose the interest. It isn’t just another committee in your child’s school, so have fun here.

00:06:03
You also may consider looking up past friendships.  Those friends that drifted away. Maybe invite them out for coffee, to catch up and see if you are both in a different place, now.  With all of these options, be open. Keep in mind that age doesn’t matter. You may find a 25-year-old who has the same interests as you.  Why can’t you be friends? Seriously, what a great way to stay young. I adore having a variety of ages in my friendships. It is an easy way to keep on different perspectives.

00:06:33
Also, with being open, tell people that you are looking for a friend to do whatever it is you want to do with.  You may not know someone like that, but there is a good chance someone you know, knows someone, or they know someone, and they are looking for you.  Be really brave. Post it on Facebook. “Hey, Hi, I’m in a transition period of my life, and I’d love to find some friends who love to walk and talk about “Survivor.””  There’s an example. I’m looking to walk weekly. Tell your friends. Be the brave one and put it out there in the world. Trust me, there are other people like you, and they’re waiting for you to take the first step.  Finally, with be open, if someone invites you to something, just say yes, and then, talk to people.

00:07:15
What if you find someone in your life that you would like to build a friendship with?  The best way to make a friend, is to be a friend. If you meet at an event, and you already get the feeling that you know you’ll want to meet up again, plan the next one before this one is over.  Invite them to do something else with you. Be honest and be brave. Life gets busy, and you need more than one meeting to create a friendship. Sometimes, even when both parties are interested and want it to happen, it just doesn’t because of, well, life.  Definitely schedule it.

00:07:49
This has been an interesting episode to assemble.  I moved often in my 20’s and my jobs always inherently brought friendships.  As my daughter grew, most friendships were around her activities, so no, friendships haven’t been difficult to find so far, but it got me thinking.  If I wasn’t in the midst of building this business, and had some actual free time, who would I spend time hanging out with outside of my family, and who are my inner circle?  

00:08:15
Number one, of course, is hubby.  We have fun plans and things we look forward to doing together.  He’s easily overlooked in my life, as he’s so darn reliable, thoughtful and helpful.  He takes care of so much. It’s easy for both of us to get busy doing the chores, taking care of our daughter, of the house, and doing our jobs, that we forget how awesome each other is.  Do you find that too? But he’s my bestest friend, for sure. He doesn’t listen to my podcast, but if he did, hey, Honey, I love you. Thanks for being you, Don.

00:08:42
I am then super thankful for my friendships that have survived over the years.  I’ve never been one to have a ton of close friends. To be honest, I get overwhelmed, but I have friends that we can pick up right where we left off, even if we don’t talk for months.  There’s my friend who traveled to Disney with me, when I graduated from college. On that trip, she met her husband. We don’t live in the same state right now, and with our lives as they are, catching up is not easy, but when we do chat, it is just like the last time we spoke.  We both still have a dream of our girl’s Disney trip, hanging on to, in the future. Hi, Karen. If you’re listening, I miss you greatly.

00:09:21
Another friend of mine meets me at 6:30 a.m. in the morning for coffee, every couple of weeks.  We’ve had periods in our lives where we would see each other often, and then periods where months and even years have gone by.  I’m super thankful that we are in a season of connection in our friendship. She’s a fantastic listener, even when we are on opposite sides of a debate.  Let me tell you, I love that. She’s patient beyond words, and is a wonderful human. Hi, Beth.

00:09:47
Another, who’s going through the empty nest transition with me, her daughter and my daughter are close friends.  We’ve been through the later years of high schooling, as homeschoolers, together. We have traveled on road trips with our daughters, together, and then, not seen each other for months.  She was the pivotal person in me focusing on the empty nest niche in particular. She’s one of the strongest people I know, and yet, she’ll listen to this and say, “no, not me.” Yes, you, Jennifer.  There’s my sporadic walking friend who will text me, hey, can you take a walk? I do the same thing to her. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But when it works, we have the best time. Walks in nature, talking with deep conversations.  I’m fairly certain she doesn’t listen to my podcast, but if you do, one day, Sue, I adore you.  

00:10:33
My empty nest friend, yes, you, listener.  Maybe you should do what I just did? List out your friendships in the past and what you have now.  I realized by doing this exercise that I am definitely a deep conversation friend. I am well aware that that is more than some people can take.  I also noticed that with all of my friendships, we don’t get to meet up as often as we would like, but when we do, there is always that feeling that the time we have together is never enough.  The conversation is good, and the energy, even when the conversation’s are on tough topics is positive. It has taken me years to come to understand that I am much better at one-on-one than in a group.  A group of ten friends all gathering together is something that I can’t even imagine. It drains my energy. Needless to say, a sorority was never part of my life. This is a quality that serves me well with my coaching.  I share all of this with you to remind you that friendships don’t need to look any one way.  Figure out what works best for you, in your life, right now, and then, be brave and go find it.

00:11:39
Please don’t hesitate to fly on over to our Facebook group.  Our name is Green Popsicle Sticks.  Want to know why?  Listen to episode number 17, or head to my website, youremptynestcoach.com/commnity for links to join our flock.  Why should you join our group? The adjustment to not having your kiddos at home full-time isn’t always easy, but it sure can be a ton more fun with a flock of friends.  We look forward to seeing you there.

00:12:04
If you are ready to begin the journey to find future you, and use her as your GPS, definitely sign up for my free program, “The Empty Nest:  A Guide to Uncovering My Future.”  Episode number 13 covers the high-level concepts of that program, if you would like to check it out.  To dive deep in the concepts, definitely take my free program, as I provide videos and worksheets to assist you on your journey.

00:12:28
The questions I have for you in this episode are:  number one, how are you doing with your friendships?  And, two, do you have other suggestions for meeting new friends?  Let’s help each other.  As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.  My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.  You’ll find the show notes for this and every episode on my website. My next episode’s title is “What Life Skills Should My High School Student be Mastering Now, to be Successful in College?”

00:13:02
Don’t forget to subscribe to this podcast.  It is free and you’ll be notified when I post a new episode, every Friday.  If my show has helped you in any way, please share it with one other person you think it will help, too.  You’ll be giving them a free gift. Thanks for your time and energy with that, and thanks so much for listening, my empty nest friend.  Remember, you are amazing!