Category: Barbara Decker

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The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 164

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #164. If this isn't your first time listening and you want to skip the introduction portion feel free to tap forward a couple of times. In this podcast, I focus on helping parents who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though; all are welcome here, as I’m focused on coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life, and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up

[level-up music]

your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.

I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. 

Here we go..

[up beat music]

00:00:47

This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.

00:1:16

Before we dive in - a special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass. SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. Register today for a free account to unlock a sampling of those resources -  head over to  EmptyNestSuccess.com - where you may also support this podcast, join the C.E.O. Training Team, or purchase other premium content.

Want to know more about the C.E.O. Training team? I’ll share more at the tail end of this episode. 

If you are looking for something specific or would like to hop around within this episode, you’ll find time markers in the show notes.

00:01:52

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My Wish for You Today

My wish for you today is that you are able to consider everything. The beautiful thing about our journey in this life is that we are ever-changing. We aren’t the same person we were a week ago, a month ago, a year ago - and well, you get the idea. Things that we might have said no-way to years ago may now be worth considering again. No, definitely not all things - some things have been let go of for healthy reasons - but don’t be surprised if things periodically pop back in your life - whether a relationship, a job, a living situation, a hobby, or something else. 

Considering something doesn’t mean you have to do it, it doesn’t mean you have to like it. What is fun is to see if and potentially how you have changed in your thought-process, if at all. By considering things you get to dive a little deeper in who you are now - and isn’t that worth a few minutes of time? 

Whether you reconsider something and quickly know that no, you haven’t changed your thoughts on that, OR whether you now see things in a different way - it all in the end - means whatever you make it mean. Let it mean something fun, let it mean self-exploration, let it mean discovery. You don’t have to force it; merely consider it. 

00:03:20

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New Things. New Things. New Things!

It's been a month of adventure for me that that hat included a cross-country flight over a long weekend - wow, the jet lag really took its toll on me the rest of the week I returned - AND then just as I was almost feeling myself, a close friend flew into town for a week - and the almost three weeks of continuous being out of my routine has been a fantastic reset - one of those resets where you have had an amazing time but a week of the usual routine, doing laundry and catching up sounds kind of great right now. 

Isn’t it funny how we do these things to escape our usual routine and then when we are away from them, we might discover how much some of those things bring comfort to our life? 

I also tested three Quick Take episodes last month - they were a fun experiment but I think those will be the exception, rather than the rule. 

00:04:15

The newest thing that I don’t want to forget to share with you is the company Magic Mind reached out to me and invited me to become a Magic Maker. I didn’t really know what that meant but know that I am not one to share things with you that I don’t absolutely love so I requested a sample which I tried this past week, and oh my goodness, so far I really do love this one. So much that I might have begged for a few more samples AND I also placed my own order. I can’t wait ‘til my next package arrives! 

If you are like me of two weeks ago and have never heard of Magic Mind, I’d like to share a teeny tiny bit about it with you today - you can read more on their website! My sample arrived this week and I’ll be honest, I had done NO research. It arrived in the most adorable packaging with three fun bottles (or shots) of this incredible elixir that really did feel a bit magical.  I had made the incorrect assumption that this was a coffee replacement. It isn’t. With all of my recent traveling and projects, I had been sleeping in, not posting on socials and I was up to three cups of coffee a day, and that is not so great for me. 

After reading the information that arrived with the samples, I discovered it’s meant to be taken with your coffee  - or if you aren’t a coffee drinker - you can use Magic Mind all on its own. The first day, I DID brace myself a bit on as this is a green drink and I’ve tried more than my fair share of green beverages - Let’s be honest, good taste isn’t always included. But much to my surprise, I did enjoy the taste! 

This elixir put a pep in my step, helped me to be way more focused and kept my energy levels steady throughout the day - I even slept better and got to the end of my days surprised that that first cup of coffee in the morning was all I needed.    

I’m adding Magic Mind to the top of my C.E.O. Toolbox, but honestly, it may move right into a permanent space in the bottom of my toolbox - it does seem that good! 

Don’t worry, though, I’m not going to leave you hanging. I’ll provide an update next month and let you know how it’s all going. I’ve been making a video diary of the experience too.  

I invite you to join me in this experiment! Magic Mind have given me a 20% off code to share with you: it’s FEELAMAZING20. To use it, visit magicmind.co slash FEELAMAZING and enter the code FEELAMAZING20 - all caps - at checkout. Of course, you’ll find this information in my show notes. Magic Mind does have a money back guarantee AND if you get the subscription it's 40% off right now - that’s the one I signed up for! But know that 40% code only lasts 10 days, so don’t miss out on it. If you do order through my link and would like to share your experience on my next episode, let me know!  

00:07:08

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My Lessons Learned

[inspirational music plays under this segment]

The power of mini-escapes from our life. 

What is your normal day-to-day life like? For some of us, it is highly structured - alarm wakes us up and we do things non-stop until our head hits the pillow. For others of us, it’s a bit more chillax - where we have our top three things to get done this week and we’re happy. And that relaxed pace is our routine. 

There is no right or wrong here, by the way. You aren’t worth more as a human on this planet because you did more things today. For some of us the busy-ness is our happy place. For others the busy-ness robs us of joy. Your ability to be busy or not busy is for you to figure out, to know what level of activity allows you to find the most joy in your life. And that level probably won’t match others in your life. I want you to know that that is okay. 

What I really want to discuss, and it is related, is the power of breaking out of our normal routines to allow us to see the routines of our life with fresh eyes. 

For some of this us, this takes a large vacation. For others, it is a staycation but with no plans. It doesn’t have to take a huge amount of time for your reset to engage either, but enough time to feel like you were able to step away. 

I’ve found local things that provide this for me - heading to a campsite for a few hours to create a campfire and stare at the logs; or popping into a local casino with only $20 to spend to see how long it lasts. This one might be for me, due to the Vegas trips I did when I was younger - and I enjoy the game of craps - but five minutes in a casino and I feel like I’ve walked into another dimension - talk about a reset. And if you aren’t new here, you know that walks in a forest help me too. I have found that, personally,  I need a minimum of 30 minutes solo to get the most out of those but when I make that happen regularly, it’s a game-changer. 

YOU don’t need to have a campfire; a walk in the woods, or to go to a casino. BUT what I do recommend is that you find an activity or activities - or maybe it's people that allow you to feel a bit of a reset from your life.

And I encourage you that it doesn’t have to be a full vacation. That might not be a financial possibility for you right now - but don’t let that stop you from being creative here.

Most of us know that time away from things and people helps us to appreciate what we have, and see them in a new light. Absence makes the heart grow fonder after all. 

What I find continuously fascinating is how I change in my response to things, as I mature and change. Not only in my daily routines but also in my resets. 

I recently confirmed that for me right now solo travel, when I’m able to do it is fantastic for me. My trip to California, I didn’t have one moment where I wished, “Oh I wish I had someone to join me,” in what I’m doing. 

I love the people in my life, but I also love my alone time. On that trip I got to speak at a school, made new friends, did things that I found locals had never done, and I really enjoyed stepping off the plane with no plans for seven hours. I seriously got in my rental car, looked up the nearest beach in Google Maps and my adventure began. 

If you notice too, I said that “right now solo travel is fantastic for me.” 

I can absolutely imagine a day where I will want to experience travel with a travel partner but until then I’m going to enjoy where I am and what I am doing fully. 

And whether I’m in my reset or in my routine, I have the opportunity to learn more about myself. There were things about my trip that I thought I wouldn’t really love but found, actually, they were exactly what I needed - and also the opposite happened. 

I returned home to jet lag that I had never experienced at that level before - and this is where I remember…hmmm… I am not 20, so maybe going right from the airport, taking a shower, and working isn’t the best choice for me. I’ll be honest, I knew that was going to be a tough one, but I wanted to try. I did. And now I know more.

Then going right into a somewhat staycation where a friend visited me, I was able to see where I live in a new light - someone who loves the cool air and seeing the changing leaves for fall - their excitement really reminded me how lovely where I live is. 

Then returning to the usual routine, provides so much internal knowledge: what are the things I love, what are the things I don’t love and are those things I can change? Why or why not? 

To be honest, I’ve had a few surprises hit me about who I am and who I want to be over the next few years. Some of the ideas I have are in direct opposition to goals that I have had for the last few years. I’m going to have some fun playing with those thoughts in the days and weeks ahead.

I share all these thoughts and ideas with you because sometimes it helps to hear other people go through the changes and the reconsideration. It would have been easy for me to keep on keeping on because that’s what I said I’d do - but when you’ve been through as many changes as I have over the last couple of years, honestly, what’s one more? Also, I may process this all out and still keep on keeping on, in the end. 

Either way, I’m going to have a great time figuring it out because it is this - the now - the day to day stuff where I get to fully live life. Isn’t it fascinating how when we get to do the things we’ve been striving for for a long time that we then discover new things about ourselves and new goals? After all, the finish line for one thing is the starting line for our next adventure. 

Analogy wise, this kind of has that love it or list it vibe - you know you do the thing that isn’t in your normal and then find that with some changes you are perfectly happy where you are. Or, you discover, yep,   time to move is here. 

I encourage you to consider it all. Have fun with the thoughts that pop up. You don’t have to keep any of them - especially if they don’t make you feel good - let those go. But the ones - the thoughts - that make you curious, that allow you to dream a bit more - try leaning into those.  Whether it is during your reset or your routine. Both are important. 

00:13:41

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Ask Coach Christine

Christine, what things can I do to prepare and make the most of my emerging adult being away or leaving home? 

The more you can take care of yourself - physically and emotionally, the more you will be able to show up for your child. This  is a great time to begin to consider and prepare your CEO Life’s Toolbox items. I have episodes about those - I’ll put them in the show notes. Consider your dreams, notice your thoughts and emotions - notice them with love and curiosity. 

Taking care of you allows you to provide the space for your emerging adult to be who they are. Love them fully, when they share things and you feel strong emotions, take a pause.  Consider the relationship you want with them in ten years and begin to build that now - showing up slowly for them as a coach, not just a parent. 

On another note, for those of you who are about to have your child return home for a bit, remember that they’re different from the person that has left. I have more resources on that that I’ve shared over time and I’ll, again, have those in the show notes. 

00:14:55

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Celebrating you and your wins

I remembered to post a video to collect wins this month, but I’ll be honest, I didn’t give a ton of notice before I needed to hit record.  However, I had a few amazing women jump in to share their wins on Instagram! 

Katherine of the5KiloTraveller shares: My book is with beta readers and I’m getting helpful and lovely feedback. After 2 years of writing it's amazing to be at this point.

RamonaWildeman shared: I hiked two times this week and cycled two times as well.

And Lady Katricia shares: I woke up happy today.

[cheers]  

I love all of these so much!

If you want your win included next time, be sure to follow me on Instagram or TikTok and comment on the next Celebrate Your Win video that I post - be sure to add a microphone emoji so I know I have your permission to share your win with my listeners. Remember: wins big and small we celebrate them all. I can’t wait to cheer you on!

00:15:59

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What’s in your life’s toolbox?

Your C.E.O. Toolbox is the analogy we use here for items and resources that help you get through tough moments, enjoy the amazing moments, and then also do the deeper work as needed. Your C.E.O. Toolbox is yours. It should have the things that work for you, and you should take inventory from time to time because sometimes things that worked well for you two years ago or a month ago, just aren’t working any longer.

Let’s talk about meditation. 

Are you someone who can easily meditate? I have never had this come easy for me. I’d like to offer the idea that meditation doesn’t need to look a certain way. I have found I am most meditative when I’m in the forest alone and can focus on the sounds and details of my environment. 

Recently, I tried listening to 15-minutes of sounds - I even created one for myself: I posted it on YouTube - it’s of rain, and I’m going to make a few more as time allows. As you know, I don’t share things with you that I haven’t tried myself.  

I found, though, that as listening to this - that the rain sounds isn’t enough - my mind still stays really active. 

One day I had paper and a pen nearby while I was listening to the sounds - I picked it up and started scribbling while listening to the sound, and suddenly I found that my mind was able to clear in a way I never experienced before. 

I’m sure if you walked in seeing me do this, I can only imagine what ideas would go through your head but it works for me! For you it might be multiple sounds at once, or decluttering your house that bring you to a level of meditation. 

I encourage you to release expectations and to play around a bit: maybe pull out some playdough or paint and listen to some bird sounds - you never know what combination will allow your mind to quiet. 

But when you find it, you’ll know. It’s really good stuff. Be creative, have fun and let me know if you find something unexpected that works for you! 

00:18:07

Let’s find the funny!

[giggles from others]

I believe in the power of laughter for a quick reset and this is why I include this section within my monthly episodes.

So, this week I’m sharing in the show notes that there was a TikTok circulating recently where someone went to the Louvre and added snapchat filters on the art. What a riot. If you need a giggle - link is in the show notes.  

00:18:29

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What I Wish My Parents Knew

Today I welcome guest Barbara Decker: Parent Recovery Advocate, a Certified Family Recovery Specialist (CFRS) and founder of Live Well and Fully. Barbara recently interviewed me for one of her upcoming podcast episodes and we had a great time chatting - same energy, positivity and the work she does is incredibly valuable. 

I am thrilled that Barbara shared an audio with us for this podcast answering the question: As a mother of someone with an addiction, what would you like other parents to know?

00:19:05 

As the mother of someone with an addiction, there are some things I'd like other parents to know, the most important thing is that addiction is a disease. It's not a choice in the way you and I normally think of choices. It is a disease, just like asthma and diabetes, and cancer, etc, are diseases. And as such, there are treatment options. So I'd like parents to know that this is not a choice your child is making to behave, the way they're behaving, it is a disease that they have. And then I'd like to share with you the three things your child would like you to know. These are things they may not be able to say to you, but it's important that you know them because they're true. 

Number one: it's not your fault. It really isn't your fault. Even if your child is telling you over and over and over that everything you do is your fault. It's not your fault. That's the disease speaking. 

Thing Number two: they are filled with shame and guilt, they may not present that way to you. But that is how they feel. Inside they feel like terrible human beings who are incapable of being successful in life. 

And the third thing I'd like you to know, because they want you to know is you cannot fix your son or daughter. Only they can change their lives. Only they can decide that they don't want to live this way anymore and take the action they need to take in order to make a change.  There are things you as the parent can do to encourage them to choose a different path for themselves. And it's not easy and it takes work and it's possible. To learn more about the work that we do with the moms changing the moms, not the kids, visit www.LiveWellAndFully.com and find yourself a pocket of joy today because you are so worth it.

You can learn more about the incredible work that Barbara does on her website - please share widely!

00:21:13

Two Questions for You

Question 1: What life reset (new or usual) can you consider planning for in the near future? 

and Question 2: Have you viewed a child’s addiction in the way that Barbara frames it here? 

As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.

My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.

If you enjoy[ed] this episode, please don’t forget to share it with others; it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. Also, don’t forget to follow this podcast - Your Empty Nest Coach - in your favorite podcast player - or register for a free account in the empty nest success home. If you enjoy emails in your inbox, consider joining my Thursday Thoughts about email list: I’ll pop in your inbox with a thought and updates on most Thursdays. It’s a great way to stay connected with all things Your Empty Nest Coach. 

All the links and resources I mentioned, you’ll find in the episode’s show notes. 

I’ll be back in November with a new full episode.

My empty nest or future-empty nest friend, don’t you dare forget that YOU ARE AMAZING!

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00:22:29

[bloopers]

00:22:38

Still Listening?

I love that you have made time for you today by listening to this episode. Should you be new here, know that there are over 160 other episodes waiting for your ears. If you aren’t new here, thank you for your continual support.

If you are wondering about the C.E.O. Training Team, this is for those of you who are looking for a little bit more than the podcast. I have weekly resources for you - Monday sessions called power hours - where you can pop in for a reset in a group setting, and get a little group coaching if we have the time. Your membership includes four 15-minute private coaching sessions (with me) to get you started, and much much more. 

Just for listening to the end of this episode, I’ve created a coupon titled PodcastThankYou use this on check out to receive a generous $50 credit toward your new CEO Training Team membership. That code is PodcastThankYou no spaces, and each word is capitalized to start - you’ll find that in the show notes. 

Use it soon as it’s only guaranteed for the first ten people who use it.

I’d love for you to join us!

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