Empty Nest Success Evangelist specializing in coaching mothers entering the empty nest. ★ Master Motivator ★ Podcast Host ★ Together we'll channel your freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy! ~ Christine, Your Empty Nest Coach
I can’t begin to tell you how much I needed this episode when I wrote it. Throughout our life, we experience change. Sometimes it is expected, sometimes it is not. When we are unable to be patient with ourselves through the transition, things can get a little off course and “boil over.”
In this episode, I talk about the importance of a simmer in a beef stew and what that has to do with your life.
Take a listen, or read the transcript, below.
⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll all the way down ⇓ so you don’t miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓
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Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 29: Christine, I Don’t Know What to do Next. … My future empty nest friend, I want to talk about when you can’t figure out what is next in life. This may be in the form of thoughts such as, Christine, I don’t know what to do with my time or Christine, I think I know who future me is, but I can’t figure out what to do next.
00:00:00 Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 29: Christine, I Don’t Know What to do Next. This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that has been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it is freaking you out. I’ve been there and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
00:00:35 Hello, my future empty nest friend. What amazing things are going on in your life right now? Take a second to stop and think about something. Anything, and how amazing it is. Want an example? Right now, you are listening to my voice. I’m not with you live, in person, I’m off doing something else in my life, but something that I assembled and recorded weeks ago, you are able to listen to as if I’m right here with you. Now, that’s pretty amazing. Need another? How about how your body manages to take breaths, to keep you alive without you having to think about it. Amazing!
00:01:11 A quick reminder that all of my episodes are brought to you by my free seven-day program, “The Empty Nest: A Guide to Uncovering to My Future.” To be clear, we are talking about your future, not mine. Hop on over to my website, youremptynestcoach.com and sign up today. Look for the link that says, “Uncover Your Future.”
00:01:29 My future empty nest friend, I want to talk about when you can’t figure out what is next in life. This may be in the form of thoughts such as, Christine, I don’t know what to do with my time or Christine, I think I know who future me is, but I can’t figure out what to do next.
00:01:49 Beef Stew. When you make beef stew, there is some prep work. You cook the beef. You then cook your veggies, seasoning, broth, maybe wine, more seasonings, and you bring it to a boil. Once the stew reaches its boiling points, you reduce the heat to a simmer and have more additions for the next 30 to 45 minutes. This simmer time allows a couple of things to happen. One, it cooks the food gently and slowly, allowing it to maintain its structure in ways impossible with boiling. It also will bring fat, proteins, and other substances to the top of the pot, which allows you to skim them off, and results in a clear stock.
00:02:25 Notice that two things are not recommended. One, allowing the meal to boil over, and two, once the boiling point is reached, turn the heat off and eat the stew. What does this have to with the empty nest? Something that I’ve noticed for many of my clients is that we reach this point where we have been “doing life” at a million miles an hour. Due to the circumstances of life, we get really good at hiding the real us in the name of taking care of everyone else. So much so that when a family member moves out of the house, be it for college, or their first apartment, the first thought that comes to our mind is what am I going to do with my time? As if we didn’t exist before they entered our lives. Think about it.
00:03:07 You were a full grown adult before you had your child. At least, most of us are. You had a life. You will have a life again. That you has been hiding really well. Is she different? More than likely, yes, but she is there. She’s just not used to showing herself. For many of my clients, the question what am I going to do with my time, seems to have an almost universal effect that moves my clients to, in the stew analogy, a full-on rolling boil that leads to a boiled-over mess. Can you picture this? There’s a frenzied emotion guiding the question for them. The frenzy sometimes is led by the need to know the answer to this question as soon as possible.
00:03:47 If you are able to answer the question right away, what am I going to do with my time, fantastic! Go you! But for many of us, the first thing we think we should do isn’t really the answer. Jumping all in on that thing, whatever it is, without allowing life to simmer for a little bit, will cause the stew to boil over, or we realize we’re not heading down the right path, so we pull the pot off the heat and dump it down the sink. When what we really need to do is turn the heat down low and allow things to simmer.
00:04:19 Allow ideas to bubble up. Explore them. Research them. Try them, and if the timing is right, take some time to discover if the stew is finished cooking, if you need to try a new recipe, or if you are simply still simmering. Remember, also, that if you don’t move from the boil down to the simmer, adjustments become messier than they need to be. In this transition, in your quest to figure out what you are going to do with your time, take deep breaths, and if you don’t have complete clarity, it is okay. You are simply simmering. You are exploring what is next.
00:04:55 What if you are sitting there wondering what am I going to do with my time, and you feel frenzied. You feel things starting to boil, but all you have is water in the pot, right? No direction. If this is you, I want you to try something for me. Try changing your question, what I am going to do with my time to the sentence, I am going to have more time, or I have more time, and simmer in that. Please note that this doesn’t mean that you don’t take any action in your life. You can try things. You can explore things. You can go all in on things, and you can adjust things. Throw some ingredients in here and there and see what that does for you.
00:05:35 Sometimes you want to make a huge change right away, but circumstances need you to stay where you are to allow the next step to be smooth. Rather than resenting where you are currently, realize that you are in a necessary simmer that is needed, before the next ingredient is added. As you simmer, get to know future you. Find her. It is so funny, I already hear some of you ready to say, how can I know future me, when I don’t know if blah, blah, blah is going to happen.
00:06:02 I need to be very clear. Future you is meant to inspire, encourage and motivate you. She is not necessarily a prediction of the future, unless you have some powers that I don’t know about, then, you know, give me a call. Let me know. But she’s your navigation system. Right now, in this moment, whoever future you would be, use her to guide you in your decisions.
00:06:27 That question you want the answer to, Christine, what am I going to do with my time? It might make you feel like you need to pick a new job, a new career, or a hobby to fill your time with. Maybe what you really need to do right now, is to keep doing what you’re doing. Maybe you see where you think your life will be in two years, but you’re just needed quite a bit right now, doing what you’re doing. Which might mean that your life isn’t going to change as quickly as you imagine it. You might be in the necessary simmer.
00:06:59 So, are you simmering? Remember, if you stop simmering, the recipe never finishes. Once the stew is finished cooking, there is always another stew ready to be made. Sit in the simmer. Don’t be afraid of the simmer! Don’t fight it. Use it to get in touch with future you. This time is needed and if you simmer long enough, the miscellaneous things that you don’t need, will rise to the top for you to skim off. That will make your life, your path ahead, clearer, just like the skimmed stock. Isn’t that cool?
00:07:30 If you’re having trouble sitting in the simmer, try reminding yourself that you’ll figure it out. So, where are you right now? This isn’t for me to tell you. It’s for your GPS future you to tell you. Don’t look to me, don’t look to your friend. Look to future you. Ask her what makes the most sense right now, and try asking her if you need to simmer. Trust that you and your GPS will figure out all the pieces when the time is right. Maybe right now, your GPS needs you to work on you, on your emotional health, on your physical health, so you may have the best future in store for you.
00:08:07 Having your future self to check in with is incredibly helpful. Mostly because she is you. She has your back, my friend. The destination sometimes changes for us, but the guidance system doesn’t. Find your guidance system. Find you and go after her 200 percent.
00:08:25 Please don’t hesitate to fly on over to our Facebook group. Our name is Green Popsicle Sticks. Want to know why? Listen to episode number 17, or head to my website, youremptynestcoach.com/community for links to join our flock. Why should you join our group? Well, the adjustment to not having your kiddos at home full time isn’t always easy, but it sure can be a ton more fun with a flock of friends. We look forward to seeing you there.
00:08:51 If you are ready to begin the journey to find future you and use her as your GPS, definitely sign up for my free program, “The Empty Nest: A Guide to Uncovering My Future.”Episode 13 covers the high-level concepts of this program, if you would like to check it out. To dive deep in the concepts, take my free program as I provide videos and worksheets to assist you on your journey.
00:09:13 The questions I have for you in this episode are:
1) Have you found future you yet? And
2) What was, or is, your biggest obstacle in finding her?
As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. You’ll find show notes for this and every episode on my website. My next episode’s title is, I’m Not Being Appreciated. Don’t forget to subscribe to this podcast. It is free, and you’ll be notified when I post a new episode every Friday.
00:09:45 If my show has helped you in any way, please share it with one other person you think it will help, too. You’ll be giving them a free gift. Thanks for your time and energy with that, and thanks so much for listening, my empty nest friend. Remember, you are amazing!
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 22: Thursday Thoughts About. … You may or may not know this, but I have a “Thursday Thoughts About” e-mail list. Each Thursday, I send out random thoughts about what is on my mind. A bit of encouragement and I note my most recent podcast episodes in the PS. section of the e-mail.
00:00:00 Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 22: Thursday Thoughts About. This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that has been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it is freaking you out. I’ve been there and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
00:00:36 Hello, my empty nest friend! Thanks for listening today. My wish for you is that you are able to find the thoughts to improve your life and be kind to yourself, one small thought improvement at a time, will make a tremendous impact in your life down the road. You’ve totally got this. You may or may not know this, but I have a “Thursday Thoughts About” e-mail list. Each Thursday, I send out random thoughts about what is on my mind. A bit of encouragement and I note my most recent podcast episodes in the PS. section of the e-mail.
00:01:09 I’ll be honest, there are some weeks that I wonder why I do it. It’s just one more thing on my list of things that I do to get my Your Empty Nest Coach business up and running. But I found three things that keep me going with these Thursday Thoughts emails. Number one, it’s a bit more real-time for me reaching you. While not quite Insta Story real-time, I typically write it the week I send it out. For contrast, my podcast is recorded weeks in advance. I’m as far as five or six weeks out at times. Number two, each week I begin wondering what I’ll write about and I’ve found so far, that they pretty much write themselves, because, you know, life gives you topics. Number three, sometimes the act of writing one of these triggers and entire podcast episode, and that is always helpful. I thought for this episode, I would look back, share a few of my favorite “Thursday Thoughts About” emails, and maybe share new thoughts about the original content as well.
00:02:06 The first one I’m going to share was sent out in early November of last year, 2018. It was titled, “Thursday Thoughts About Being Brave.” Happy Thursday, my empty nest friend. I’m leaving my day job early today, to go to a workshop in New York City. Four hours plus of driving, total, for a two-hour workshop. My initial thoughts when I received the email were, I can’t go to New York City on a Thursday evening, that is way too much. Then I thought about it. Wait, why not? I changed my thought to I could go to New York City next Thursday. I played it out and decided to go for it. This evening, I will be networking in New York City with the vendor who created the software that I use for my online classroom, and we’ll get to meet 30 plus others who use the platform and want to include online coaching in their portfolio.
00:02:56 This is not the easy choice. The easy choice is to stay home and do what I always do. How often do we dismiss thoughts that might possibly change our lives? Check your thoughts and see what changes. Here’s my follow-up thought on that one, oh, my goodness, I got chills reading this, because it did change my life. Just last week, I attended a Philadelphia event for Teachable, which is the vendor that I was speaking about, where I not only attended, but I am their Philadelphia partner. We have another event next month. See the episode show notes for details.
00:03:30 How did that partnership happen? You guessed it. I attended their event in New York City in November, and they just happened to be looking for partners in different areas. My friend, definitely check all those thoughts that you quickly dismiss in your life, while there definitely is some garbage that needs to be thrown out, you want to make sure that is all you’re throwing away.
00:03:55 Next up is my “Thursday Thoughts About Imposter Syndrome.” This one is from early December 2018. Imposter Syndrome, it has always been a problem in my life. It is something that almost stopped me from creating this business. It hit me again, this week. I created my very first podcast episode over the weekend. The planets aligned, I figured out the editing, the music, the provider to host my podcast and all of that work that goes along with the short phrase, created my very first podcast episode.
00:04:24 Once I had it uploaded to my host, I then did the next logical thing, as I read online, and submitted it to iTunes and other places. Spotify was handled automatically through my provider. By the end of the day, I found it on Spotify. It’s now there for anyone, everyone, or noone to find. Excited? Nope. Anxiety? Yes. I coached myself through it. One of the thoughts that kept popping up was, there are so many more qualified people than me, that should be doing this. This could be a real thing, but what does it serve me, in my life, to have this thought? When I think this thought, it makes me feel scared and moves me to inaction. That is not going to work. Going forward, when I notice the thought above, I will change it to I am qualified to share my story and journey with the world. This new thought brings me to action through the feeling of qualification. Is qualification a feeling? I’m making it one. I’m telling you, my empty nest friend, this works. My follow-up thoughts on that one, this was one of those emails that prompted an entire episode. Listen to episode 8 to see where it landed. I also have a link to that episode in my show notes.
00:05:37 Next up, sometimes my emails are short and have the purpose of letting you know I’m thinking of you. “Thursday Thoughts About Winter Break.” Happy Thursday! After a holiday party at my day job tomorrow, I am thrilled that I will be heading out of state to pick up my daughter for her winter break. How is it that another semester is over already? Time goes crazy fast. Podcasts keep me company on my journey to my destination, and the beautiful chatter of catching up brings me home. May you enjoy the chatter of your loved ones this weekend. All I have to add to this one, is I hope you enjoy the chatter of your loved ones this weekend, too.
00:06:12 Finally, sometimes I fill the emails with a tiny bit of tough love. This one’s “Thursday Thoughts About Consistency.” Consistency, I wrote it on the whiteboard in my day job’s office. Consistency is the creator and killer of dreams. Someone said, “Hmm? The killer?” Yes. Here is what I mean, a consistent thing doesn’t mean it’s always a good thing. Does it? Consistently choosing to eat dessert, even between meals, not to leave your house to go to the gym, not to put your phone down when your child or partner is talking to you, or to spend hours on social media. What are you doing consistently? Are you aware that you are making those choices? Do they lead to the dreams you have in store for your life? You consistently choose to do things all of the time. I challenge you to be conscious of your choices, and this is important, to be kind to yourself if you identify a consistency in your life that needs to be changed.
00:07:09 Dreaming big and choosing the right things to do consistently is worth it. What do you think? Is there a type of “Thursday Thoughts About” that you like best? Do you already receive them, and how do you like them? If you don’t already receive the email, I invite you to sign up today. The best part is, if after reading one of my emails, you have a question, all you need to do is hit reply to reach out to me. I answer all of those emails. Don’t hesitate to let me know how you’re doing. If you are ready to dig in and create a change in your own life that impacts both you and those around you, I invite you to join my upcoming coaching program. Be sure to get on my waitlist as space is always limited.
00:07:49 The questions I have for you in this episode are:
1) Are you on my “Thursday Thoughts About” email, yet?
2) If yes, what is your favorite type of email?If no, why the heck not?
00:08:16 Why should you join our group? The adjustment to not having your kiddos at home full time isn’t always easy, but it sure can be a ton more fun with a flock of friends. We look forward to seeing you there. As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend. My hope is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. You’ll also find show notes for this and every episode on my website.
00:08:39 If you are a first time listener, or even if you have listened before, and you’ve enjoyed this podcast, I have a favor to ask. If you could take the time to subscribe to this podcast, that would be fantastic! It is free, after all. If you have an extra moment to give this podcast a five-star rating, it will help other future empty nest mothers to find it when they need it. Thanks for your time and energy with that, and thanks so much for listening, my empty nest friend. Remember, you are amazing!
💚 Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).
What You Will Learn in this Episode
Christine answers your questions including:
🐦 Christine, what are your credentials? Okay, let’s chat about imposter syndrome. (01:35) 🐦 I want to create a business but I have no experience in the area I want to pursue. (05:38) 🐦There is a lot on my plate right now, how should I proceed? (07:04) 🐦 Christine, I feel like I am in a funk with the realization that my babies are leaving the nest. (08:14) 🐦 Help! I don’t want to make any decisions! (09:52)
Episode Questions for You To Consider
Do you have a question you want to ask me?
If you could give your past 19-year-old self advice, what would it be?
Christine: You are listening to Your Empty Nest Coach podcast with Coach Christine, episode number 8, Imposter Syndrome and Answers to Your Questions. … Today, I’m going to answer your questions and with that I’m going to talk about imposter syndrome. You’re probably wondering why imposter syndrome? This is about empty nesting. This may help you.
Christine: You are listening to Your Empty Nest Coach podcast with Coach Christine, episode number 8, Imposter Syndrome and Answers to Your Questions. This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy with volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that’s been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it’s freaking you out. I’ve been there and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking energy into freaking awesome energy.
Hello, my empty nest friend. My goodness, we’re at episode 8. I am getting more excited with each episode. My heart is full. Thank you for being here and if you’re enjoying this podcast, if you could do me a huge, huge, huge favor and take a minute to let me know by reviewing this podcast. It helps other people to find it.
Today, I’m going to answer your questions and with that I’m going to talk about imposter syndrome. You’re probably wondering why imposter syndrome? This is about empty nesting. This may help you. You may have never heard of it. I was surprised that some of my friends had never heard of it, but it is a real thing. I’ve had to deal with it often. My first question that I was asked, brings up the imposter syndrome for me. The question is, Christine, what are your credentials? How is imposter syndrome part of this? On psychologytoday.com there’s an article “The Reality of Imposter Syndrome.” In this article, the top description of it is a psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to internalize their accomplishments. Basically, it’s the feeling that you have gotten into a place in your life and you feel like a fraud, and you feel at any moment someone’s going to figure out that you shouldn’t be where you are.
I’ve had this a few times in my life, two in particular, is one, I became a Peoplesoft developer rather quickly. I seemed to learn things quickly and moved into a role where I had multiple people on my team that reported to me. They were all external consultants. This went from not being in a developer role at all to that role within about six months. Every day I would feel like someone’s going to find out I really shouldn’t be in that spot. The reality is I had all of the skills that everyone else did and just by putting myself out there, and trying it and doing it, that is what sometimes makes me feel that way.
The other time that this happened to me was in my balloon business, and again, very quickly I learned balloons, and within six months I decided to go to a convention and compete. I got, I don’t even remember, I think was third place in a up-and-coming new balloon award that was not exactly what it was called, but I kept thinking they’re going to find out I really don’t know what I’m doing. In reality, I knew everything that I needed to do to get that award, but there’s always that level of doubt.
With this question, Christine, what are your credentials? This hits every fear and doubt that I had in starting the business, truly. Even though, for the past ten years I’ve wanted to do some kind of coaching and encouragement role in my life. Ten years ago, I started it but kind of stepped away because of this fear. At this point in my life, I need to just do it. I am so proud of the people that I have worked with and the results that they have had. If you want to know my credentials, my credentials are I am an empty nest mother. My daughter is in college now. She went early and I am sharing my experience and the tools that I learned, with you, in the hopes that the way that I present them to you help you. If I can help one mother a year to feel empowered, to feel good about herself, to have a great impact on her children and her family, that is a huge win for me. That is what this is all about.
The irony is when I coach myself through this imposter syndrome is what I’ve realized is by not being who I really am meant to be, I mean, everything in my being feels like this is right. This is what I need to do. But if I were to not do it, guess what? That is when I’m truly being an imposter in my life. Isn’t that crazy? I know I’m not alone in these feelings. I’ve mentioned it to friends who had never heard of it and they were like yes, I’ve experienced this before. Sometimes you don’t step out and do the thing that you’re meant to do because of this fear. I’m sharing with you that I am here. I am standing here, in the fear, and I am here to help. I want to encourage you to be who you are meant to be, too. Got it? I hope that answers the question with a little lesson involved.
Question number two, Christine, I want to create a business, but I have no experience in the area I want to pursue. Congratulations, you get to learn it. Everyone starts somewhere. Right? What I want to challenge you to do, if this is a question of yours. If you have a business that you have no experience in, I want you to check your thoughts. Because I want to create a business, but I have no experience in the area I want to pursue, what type of feeling does that generate in you? For me, that would not generate a positive feeling. Changing that to something like I want to create a business that I know nothing about and I’m going to learn it all. Be really creative. Change your thought. Or, I have a business I’m developing and I’m learning every step. Right? I also want you to think about future you. Ten years from now, what do you look like in that business? What’s your life like? Then, I want you to work backwards. How did you get there? Really process that out. If you need help with something like this, my free program, it’s a seven-day program, you register for it on my website, it’s all about finding future you and it helps you to work through all of this. Check that out.
Question number three, there is a lot on my plate right now, Christine, how should I proceed? I am not going to tell you how to proceed. If you have a lot on your plate right now, first of all, check that thought, because the thought I have a lot on my plate right now, generates a lot of anxiety in me if I have that thought. Right? You could say, I have this to do, this to do, this to do and this to do. Whatever those things are. Pick one thing and do it. It’s not the wrong decision, because whatever you pick is the right decision because it’s what you chose. It’s that simple. You don’t need any drama around it at all. Just pick one and do it. The overwhelm that you are indulging in is extremely self-indulgent. There is no point to it. What are you afraid of? Just pick something. Just do it. It seems cliché because Nike said it but, it’s right. Just pick one and do it. You can always change your mind later. Just remove the drama and do it. Let me know how you make out.
Question number four, Christine, I feel like I’m in a funk with the realization that my babies are leaving the nest. How does that thought make you feel? I feel like I’m in a funk with the realization that my babies are leaving the nest. Of course they’re leaving the nest. It’s a beautiful thing. They are able to be independent human beings. This is what they are meant to do. You need to check all of your thoughts around it and realize, observe. Remember we’re observing our thoughts. Observe, and when you catch yourself saying something like this, I feel like I’m in a funk, right? Where does that take you? The realization that my babies are leaving the nest. That doesn’t help me, but if I feel proud that my babies are leaving the nest, right? You can change it any way you want. My babies are leaving the nest and that’s okay. My babies are leaving the nest and that’s what they are meant to do. My babies are leaving the nest because I did a really good job. Write some of these down. Play with them and find the thing, find the thoughts, the sentence, that makes you feel okay with them leaving. When you catch yourself in the funk next time, you can pull out this sentence and say it over and over again. Eventually, you’ll catch that funky sentence before it forms completely, and you’ll be able to change it and you’ll be able to see the positives. You have done an amazing job to get here. Really. Think about all the amazing things you’ve done. Well done, mom.
Last question, help, I don’t want to make any decisions. Who does? Because then you’re giving control of your life to someone else, which, yes, if something goes wrong, you can choose to blame them, if you want but what does that get you? You’ve given control of your life to another human being. Just make a decision and do it. It could be good. It could be bad, but life is good and bad anyway, so just make a decision and try it. I know, I can be a little tough. It comes from love. I just want to see you grow and be who you are meant to be. These are all baby steps. If you have any questions, you may add them to our Empty Nest Flock Community, over on my website at youremtpynestcoach.com. Look in the menu for Empty Nest Flock Community and I really hope to see you there.
In my next episode, I’m going to talk about your child’s college major and what you are making that mean.
Today’s questions are: 1) Do you have a question you want to ask me? 2) If you could give your past 19-year-old self advice, what would it be?
If you share that with me, you can email me at Christine AT youremptynestcoach.com or participate in our Empty Nest Flock Community on my website. You may be featured on an upcoming episode.
Sign up for my free Thursday Thoughts about Email. This is where I share a quick thought I’m having for the week. It’s more real time for me. My podcasts are recorded in advance. My empty nest friend, that is all for this episode. Remember, you are amazing! Talk to you next time.
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, episode number 7, Empty Nest Prep, part 5, Putting It All Together. … Hello, my empty nest friend! We made it. This is the final portion of my five-episode series titled Empty Nest Prep. These five episodes are the base level material of everything that I teach.
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, episode number 7, Empty Nest Prep, part 5, Putting It All Together. This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy with volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that’s been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it’s freaking you out. I’ve been there, and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
Hello, my empty nest friend! We made it. This is the final portion of my five-episode series titled Empty Nest Prep. These five episodes are the base level material of everything that I teach. I recommend listening to them in order, as they build upon each other and these five episodes have material that will be referenced throughout my podcast. For a quick review, in part one, we noticed our thoughts by picturing them as thought boxes being delivered to a house, which is our mind. In part two, we learned to observe those thought boxes while being kind to ourselves. In part three, we learned that we are responsible for our feelings 100 percent, and what thought box we open determines how we feel. In part four, we learned that our feelings create an action in our life, which create a result. I didn’t give you the very first piece of the puzzle. What? I know, so nice of me. I left that out on purpose. I’ve found that my clients get hung up on it when I start there.
What is this problematic first piece? It is the idea that your thoughts are optional about whatever circumstance you have. I’ve found the thought box story helps to set the stage for the phenomenal tool I’m about to introduce you to. If you’ve listened to all the episodes in this series, you already know four of the five elements that create this powerful too.
I introduce you to the self-coaching model. This model was assembled by the amazing life coach extraordinaire, Brooke Castillo, of The Life Coach School. I have not yet met her in person, yet. She’s no doubt my coach. I’ve been listening to her podcast since it started, or really close to when it started and it has changed my life.
Brooke’s self-coaching model has five elements in it that build off of one another. It begins with a circumstance. A circumstance is something that is indisputable by everyone on the planet. It is a fact. It is not drama. It is not full of adjectives. It is a simple fact that everyone agrees with. Everyone. When I say everyone, I mean everyone. I don’t mean everyone with the same views as you. I mean everyone. You know how your family can all be in the same room, someone says something, and while you find it hysterical, another person finds it offensive or awful, or boring, or stupid, or creative? Guess what? That reaction you have isn’t a circumstance then. Anything in your life that has the opportunity to be interpreted by other people in different ways is not a circumstance.
A circumstance is I am at home today. My child has a D on their transcript. My husband came home from work at 9:00 p.m. A circumstance is not I’m all alone at home today. My child’s life has been ruined by the D on their transcript. My husband doesn’t care about me because he comes home late. Do you see the difference?
By now, from our thought box visualization, you may recognize that my latter examples are thoughts. Thoughts that are optional. They may not feel optional, but I want you to trust me on it, and I want you to consider the possibility that I’m right. The circumstance is what triggers that bright light to suddenly shine on a particular thought box, and you automatically go to it. Are you with me? A circumstance happens. You have a thought. We already know that a thought creates a feeling for you, right? You sit in your thought box and sit in that feeling, which leads you to take an action, or inaction, and that produces a result.
The understanding of how those five elements work together to create a result in your life has the power to change everything. I’ve got to tell you. Now that I get it, I only wish I had learned it sooner. Gone are the days where I blame others for my feelings and for my actions. I will say it is much easier to assume that other humans on the planet are the cause of your feelings and actions, but when you blame others for your feelings, you flat out hand them complete control over your life. Right? That is not at all fun to think about. Imagine someone walks up to you and says you are a horrible mother. A spotlight turns on immediately in your head to a thought box that is labeled I am a horrible mother. You feel sad or anxious, or however that thought makes you feel. It will be different for everyone.
What if the spotlight shines on that thought box, you read it and you think, that’s not right. Turn the spotlight off and walk away to a different thought box. How do you feel? How do you show up in the world? What box do you want to choose and why wouldn’t you do that? Seriously. This is difficult because our minds flip on the spotlight continuously to boxes that we are used to opening. At first, you won’t even notice the spotlight. It’s such a strong pattern for you. Over time, you’ll start to notice it is on, and you’re in a thought box feeling all of whatever feeling is going on.
After time, you’ll begin to notice the spotlight as it turns on. A couple of times, you might even catch it before the switch to turn it on happens. It is a very simple concept when you understand it, but the work of it isn’t easy. It is worth every second you put into this. I hope you’ll join me because I’d love to see your life change the way mine has. Truly, you are worth the work, my empty nest friend, 100 percent.
In my next episode I will answer some of your questions.
The questions for this week are: 1) What are your thoughts about the self-coaching model and my visualization to go along with it? 2) What isn’t working in your life right now?
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, episode number 6, Empty Nest Prep, part 4, Taking ACTION in My Life. … Hello, my empty nest friend. How are you? I’m thrilled that you are here. This is part four of a five-episode series titled Empty Nest Prep. These five episodes are the base level material of everything that I teach. I recommend listening to them in order, as they build upon each other and these five episodes have material that will be referenced throughout my podcast.
Today, we’ve made it to our actions.
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, episode number 6, Empty Nest Prep, part 4, Taking ACTION in My Life. This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy with volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that’s been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it’s freaking you out. I’ve been there, and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
Hello, my empty nest friend. How are you? I’m thrilled that you are here. This is part four of a five-episode series titled Empty Nest Prep. These five episodes are the base level material of everything that I teach. I recommend listening to them in order, as they build upon each other and these five episodes have material that will be referenced throughout my podcast.
Today, we’ve made it to our actions. For a quick review, in part one we noticed our thoughts by picturing them as thought boxes being delivered to a house, which is our mind. In part two, we learned to observe those thought boxes while being kind to ourselves. In part three, we learned that we are responsible for our feelings 100 percent and what thought box we open determines how we feel. Now that we have identified the feeling, what comes next? That would be an action. This is your action, or inaction, in response to the feeling that you have in a moment.
In the example from our last episode, we automatically went to a thought box that led us to feeling frustrated. I’d like you to take a moment and feel frustrated. I have no doubt that there is something that immediately comes to your mind, that’s in your life, that leads you to frustration. I want you to go there for a moment. Feel that feeling in your body. Does it make you want to take, or not take an action? Let’s take the feeling of excited. There’s got to be something in your life that makes you feel excited. Go there for a moment. Feel that in your body. What type of action, or inaction, does it make you want to take? That feeling brings up the action or inaction in your life.
This is what I want you to understand. The feeling of frustration may bring you inaction and it could bring you an inability to have empathy for another human being. If the feeling of frustration is with your child, in a particular moment, how do you think you show up in the world, at that moment? If the feeling of frustration is while you are at work, do you believe it is even worth your time staying in frustration? How much work will you get done, when you have that feeling?
I’m adding on to our visualization now. Head back to your thought boxes. You chose your box. You always choose it. Right? You have a spotlight on it. You get in it. You then, sit in the box wrapped in the feelings of the box, and now, there is an action that happens. Almost as if you become one of those ballerina’s in a jewelry box that spins to music. Really picture this. You choose the thought box. You get inside of it and you feel the feeling. It’s written all over inside. The moment you are there, the platform begins to spin. This is the action that the feeling caused. As the platform spins, you are moved to an action, or maybe, this feeling causes no action at all because the crank is broken. In the way I visualize it, the action that takes place and the music playing is different based on the feeling associated with that thought box. Sometimes, I’m not even a ballerina. You make this whatever works for you. It’s your visualization.
At the end of that song, when the music stops playing, it marks the end of your action and you now, have a result. A result in your life, that you created. I hope you’re following me, because when we put all of this together in the final part of this series, next week, and you work on it, your life will change. I’ve already said this in a variety of ways, but every thought in your life is a thought that you have chosen. It might be such an incredibly well-worn path to a specific thought box, that you believe it has to absolutely, 300 percent be the thought that you have to have in that particular moment. But, my empty nest friend, that is never the case. You chose it. You can fight me on this. That is absolutely a thought, too. Be curious why you want that thought.
The important question is do you want your thoughts to boss you around?Or, do you want to use your thoughts to create the life you want? This brings us back to the beginning. All of those thought boxes and what causes us to go into the thought boxes, that is what our next episode is all about. We’ll put all of this together using a tool created by an amazing life coach in our next episode. I can’t wait to share it with you.
My questions for this week are:
1) Are you with me, or are you completely lost?
2) Have you noticed anything different about your life since listening to this podcast?
Since you are still listening, my Early Bird Registration may still be open for my six-week, personalized online coaching program. I have only a handful of spots available, and this program will never again be offered at this low early bird price. Head over to my website, YourEmptyNestCoach.com and click on the six-week coaching program link on my menu. There you will find videos, testimonials, and even a printable about the program. I would love to see you there. Go check it out!