Category: tough circumstances

00:00:00
Christine:  You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 45: Why is This Work so Difficult?  This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child.  Sure, you’ve been busy volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone.  But your main gig, that has been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you, and it is freaking you out.  I’ve been there and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.

00:00:40
Hello, my future empty nest friend!  I’m recording this episode about two weeks before it goes live, and as I sit here, I’m one week out from attending the inaugural She Podcasts Live conference, held in Atlanta, Georgia, this year. The best part of that trip is that my drive to Atlanta will allow me to visit briefly with my daughter, as her school happens to be along my route.  This was actually a deciding factor in my drive versus fly decision. Of course, I’m all good with her being in college, and multiple states away, but I sure do enjoy our visits, even quick ones like we’ll have this week, or I guess I should say, that we had, for when you listen to this.

00:01:24
If your child is in college, how are you doing with that?  On another note, did you catch my Quick Tips episode a few weeks back? I would love to know what you think of it.  Here is the honest truth, there are a couple of sections where, when I listen to it, I think, “my pacing’s off there,” and it took some serious self-coaching work to allow myself to put it out there.  It’s so funny what we will easily talk ourselves out of. In the end, I knew I didn’t have time to rerecord and I wanted it out more than not out. So, there you have it. 

00:02:00
A reminder that all of my episodes are brought to you by my free seven day program, “The Empty Nest: A Guide to Uncovering My Future.” And to be clear, we are talking about your future, not mine.  Hop on over to my website, youremptynestcoach.com and sign up today.  Look for the link that says, “Uncover Your Future.” 

00:02:20
Here we are at episode number 45. Over the last 44 episodes, I’ve shared ideas, thoughts and analogies to assist you in leveling up in your life. As you level up, you’ll sit in the simmer at a variety of times, and in different ways, as you move forward.  If you have been incorporating what I share into your life, I want to warn you of a couple things. One is that just when you start to get the hang of it, it will get tough again.

00:02:52
Two is that this work is your work, not your partner’s work, or your child’s work, or your co-workers work. It is your work.  I’m going to dive into this one first.  As you work on yourself, you’ll begin to notice the behavior that you used to have in others, specifically, the thoughts people share with you out loud that they easily could change.  It isn’t your job to train them or fix them. It is your job to work on yourself. When they are obviously controlled by thought deliveries that they have no idea are optional, it is time for you to check your own thought deliveries about the situation you are in.  Do you like your thoughts?  If not, try connecting to the now and make friends with it.  See episode number 44 for more on that. Pause your thought deliveries.  Feel your feet on the floor. Touch your hands or fingers together, to connect with your body.  Notice the smells, sounds, and images your mind is choosing to see at that moment. Can you maybe see more details of what’s around you?

00:04:01
See how that helps.  Of course, first you need to notice that you are overcome with thought deliveries.  I’ll be honest, I had a hard time with one of these lately. It is intriguing to me what triggered it.  It was mansplaining, a man who clearly did not consider women to be equal, and who generally is so wrapped up in who he is, that my thoughts kept going to, “Why am I wasting valuable time, in my life, listening to this man,” But, I had to, it was necessary in the moment. 

00:04:32
I’d like to say that I managed those thought deliveries well. But as you can see, I didn’t.  I let them fill up my house and I chose thoughts that made me feel annoyed over and over, and over again.  Maybe this was important so that I could share with you today. It is the perfect example for this episode, after all, as I was not in control or even aware of my thought deliveries.  I was completely unable to make friends with now. So, yes, the work became difficult again, or slowed, or pretty much stopped in that moment. It is crazy easy for me to think this work is way too difficult.  I’m going to go back on auto pilot and live my life the way I used to.

00:05:16
I share all of this with you because I want you to know that I understand the struggle is real. The best thing we can do in these moments is to remember that we are leveling up, and we just hit a brand new level. Time to be thankful that we noticed it at all, and time to get to work again. Isn’t it fun?
Is this where you ask me Christine, is it worth it?  Well, that is a thought you need to figure out, my friend, for yourself. 

00:05:48
Now back to the first warning that I had for you, which was others being uncomfortable with your change. This is real.  Think about how people react when you change your outward appearance drastically. You’ll have some who are loving and supportive; some who are confused; some who are downright hostile; and everything in between.  Some of these reactions and who they come from can be quite surprising.  With this work, it is internal for you.  They don’t see you eating different foods to lose weight; they don’t see you going to night school to work toward a new job. They might catch you working on a funny worksheet here or there but most of your work is not apparent to them.  When you begin to react differently, they will be thrown. Expect this. Remember, our minds like to be comfortable.

00:06:43
Even if we don’t enjoy being yelled at, if someone typically behaves that way toward us, and then suddenly stops, as you have a thought delivery arriving, it is the one you always get.  Let’s say that it is “I hate that they are always yelling at me.” But the delivery person doesn’t have any idea where to put it, because they started the thought delivery before you even reacted in a way that was different, which was not yelling.  That, and a whole bunch of deliveries get stuck right at the door. It’s all clogged up. You can’t really go in or out, you’re clearly confused. You might have new deliveries pop in with new thoughts, but they make absolutely no sense, things like, they’re having an affair; they’re mad at me; they’re sick; and you may choose to look at some of them and react to the new thought delivery whether it makes sense or not.  When you suddenly act different, their mind is trying to make sense of the change, and you may find some really interesting stories created about you, to make up for the change in you.

00:07:49 
When you know to expect this from others, you have the opportunity to be highly entertained by it all. Look, think about if that person was behaving in a similar manner toward you.  Something they always did, suddenly stops. You would be confused too, because now you need to break a pattern of how you reacted to them. It becomes more mental work for you, even if the change in them could be viewed as a positive in your life.  It’s so funny, really. We have all this going on in our minds. How do we even function in the external world? That, I believe, is the answer to why most people choose to never do the work of managing their thought deliveries. 

00:08:28
Just as you start to feel really good about cleaning up your mind, don’t be surprised if you find the world around you gives you a whole bunch more thought deliveries to work on.  The easy answer is to stop leveling up, walk off frustrated and go back to what you’ve been doing. It is always a choice you have. I ask you, though, how was that working for you? Or you can dig in deeper.  Know you’ll be getting resistance. Choose to use it as your training ground for the next level, and press the start button again.  Since we are going to have discomfort, either way, in our life, what if we go in knowing that and ready to level up? 

00:09:06
Something that is helpful, is to have someone to work through it all with. Whether that someone is a coach like me, or if you and a friend purchase my program and work through it together, or listening to my podcast with a friend to discuss.  Of course, there is always my Green Popsicle Sticks community, online. Yes, by the way, I was writing this episode for myself today. This work, my beautiful friend, is totally worth it. You are worth it. 


00:09:36
The Questions I have for you in this episode are:  have you experienced the push-back? And, how have you been handling the push-back and leveling up?  I invite you to fly on over to our Facebook Group to share your answers to these questions with our amazing flock. Our name is Green Popsicle Sticks.  Want to know why? Listen to episode number 17, or head to my website, youremptynestcoach.com/community for links to join our flock.

I know that the adjustment to not having your kiddos at home full-time isn’t always easy, but it sure can be a ton more fun with a flock of friends.  We look forward to seeing you there!

Psst…my empty nest friend, did you know that I have an online program, “The Empty Nest:  First Steps Towards Success.” I now also, offer GPS Reset Weekend Retreats, Unplugged and Charged Up, and that I am available for speaking engagements.  For all the fun details, visit my website, or see this episodes full show notes. I am thrilled to travel, and I can’t wait to meet you.

00:10:39
As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.  My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.  You’ll find the show notes for this, and every episode, on my website. My next episode’s title is: How do I Know When It’s Time to Stop Simmering? 

Don’t forget to subscribe to this podcast, it is free and you’ll be notified when I post a new episode every Friday.  If my show has helped you in any way, please share it with one other person you think it will help, too! You’ll be giving them a free gift! 
Thanks for your time and energy with that, and thanks so much for listening, my empty nest friend.  Remember, you are amazing!