129: Potholes of Life, Your College Student Wants an Apartment, Wins and More💚

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

FULL TRANSCRIPT: 

Episode 129 of the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast and we’re on episode #129.  If you are new here, know that I tend to use terms I’ve introduced in prior episodes. Should you feel a bit lost - use my show notes for best places to begin!

In this episode, I talk about potholes: in Pennsylvania - and in life,  what your child wants you to know, we celebrate the wins of others, and more!

I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode, today. Let’s do this thing. 

[happy music under voiceover]

This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest - or possibly a student who's wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally (the hotline video operator), popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan!

[end happy music]

00:01:00

My friend, I know how valuable your time is and please know that every moment you spend with me, here, is appreciated. I’m sending you positive thoughts through the airwaves. I hope that you find value, humor, or something new to consider for your life as you listen. You’ll find a list of episode topics and time markers on where they appear in my show notes, should you want to hop around - or return to a segment later! Don’t forget that you are invited - yes you - to submit to any section of these episodes by leaving me a message (text or audio) - on my google voice number: That’s 1-920-LIFEWIN or (1-920-543-3946). You’ll find it in my shownotes.

All of my offerings, podcast show notes, transcriptions of the episodes, and more can be found on my website: Your Empty Nest Coach.com. This show is sponsored by me - and all things Your Empty Nest Coach, so to keep it going strong be sure to subscribe to this podcast in your favorite podcast player AND if you like something you hear, don’t forget to share it on the socials so others may learn about it. Thanks!

 00:02:17

[computer game level up music (short)] 

My Wish for You Today 

My beautiful friend, my wish for you, today is that you are able to enjoy the journey that is your life. That you become quickly aware of wrong turns, detours, and potholes as your progress, and learn to navigate around them without unnecessary drama. 

00:02:39

[computer game level up music (short)] 

New Things. New Things. New Things!

I have four new things to share with you today! 

1. First up is potholes. Yes, I said potholes. Do you live in an area that is prone to potholes? We live in eastern Pennsylvania and potholes are a given where I live. They are so commonplace that yes, you could find yourself in a discussion of something like this:  “Did that pothole get you on Main street today?” “Oh, I just missed it.”  “What about that one on so and so road?” --- someone overhears and joins in - “Whoa, THAT one is a doozy!” They’re a reality here. And we get used to them. Oh, we don’t like them and sometimes they’ll cause a flat tire but most of the time, they cause a bit of a scare or jolt the first time you notice a new one.  Depending on the size of it, you may remember it the next time you drive that road. Sooner or later, you just know it’s there and safely drive around it - at least I hope you do it safely.  If you happen to live in Pennsylvania, did you know that you can report potholes by calling 1-800-FIX-ROAD?  It’s true!

Anyway, this is me here and of course I’m using potholes as an analogy for your life. What potholes are in your life? 

Maybe you’re trying to avoid certain foods but there is one place that you go that tempts you too much. Or maybe it is a human in your life that seems to bring out a level of drama for you - or maybe even a behavior in you that you aren’t proud of. I’m not saying humans are potholes - but more of what situations - what happenings of your life feel like potholes. How do you react when you notice them? Do you notice them? Are you conscious enough in your thinking to consider that you may have seen this one before and it’s time to learn how to work around it - Yes, this is another great leveling up opportunity for your life.  I leave you with this - consider for your next frustrating moment in your life - try mentally labeling it (yeah, silently) as a pothole, and see if you can make a note on how you got there and possibly how to avoid it in the future. 

This may bring up more questions than answers but you know I like to do that. 

00:04:52

2. My second new thing is that, oh my goodness, I had a 4-week gap between my last episode and this one and the world didn’t end. Not only did the world not end, but I’m having more fun and seeing more growth organically as a whole as I have time to invest in other areas online. I’m ready and excited to create this new episode. I’m not creating it because,”sigh, I have to - its got to come out on Friday.” I’m creating it because I want to  - mostly because I am here to serve you - my listener, and I want to give you the best energy that I have, and this right now, right here, this makes my heart happy. See? I’m enjoying the journey.

00:05:32

3. My third new thing is that our daughter is back on campus! This is a really good thing for her. Of course, we miss her here at home but we are excited for her as she - oh my goodness - wraps up her undergraduate career. Here we go! [giggles]

00:05:48

4. My fourth and final new thing is that I have only one spot open in February for 1:1 Private Coaching. The start date is February 15th. Yes, just one spot, so don’t wait to snag that spot if you want it. That’s six weeks of coaching over zoom, and through text. I share resources for you along the way and encourage you. I’d love to work with you. 

00:06:10

[computer game level up music (short)] 

Ask Coach Christine

I was recently asked this question: 

My child wants to move to an apartment close to their campus. They have all online classes. Why?

And my response?

I can guess why. You can guess why, but my recommendation would be to listen to their reasons why. Really Listen. Take deep breaths. And Listen. Don’t try to solve. Listen. You’re going to notice a theme in this episode today. [giggle] Most college-age students expected a certain level of freedom by now in their life and they may not be able to get that due to their current living situation. It might just be they fall into being YOUR child more than they fall into being who they are as a human, just because they're with people who have known their whole life as YOUR child. They may behave differently when they are with you than when they are on their own. They might just seek more privacy. They could wanna eat PB&J at 3 AM and not have anyone on their case. 

Financial matters aside, first is the emotional why. Getting to a place where you can have a conversation about it by, maybe, remembering how you felt at their age so that the financial part may be discussed (if need be) in a loving manner. 

So, was that answer vague enough to frustrate you? [giggle] Look, you love your child. Let that love shine through more than your fear of losing them. The fear will cause more of a rift in your relationship than love will. Always choose love. Choose being on their side. Consider that maybe this move might be healthy for everyone involved. 

Ultimately, you’ll need to do thought-work around this for yourself. And you also need to separate who you are from your role as your child’s parent, as i’s been up to now. Meaning, it’s changing. You don’t disappear when the role changes. The role changes, and you get to change with it. Change can be scary but it also can be good. You are still an incredible amazing human whether your child lives at home, lives on campus, out of state, or overseas - it just gets a bit scarier  - there’s less you can control and - yeah - sometimes it is scary to spend more time with yourself. I get it. I want you to know that you aren’t alone and you, my friend, are worth figuring out who you are and who you want to be going forward.

00:08:41

If you have a question you want me to focus on in an upcoming episode, use that google voice number 1-920-LIFEWIN. Leave a voicemail message or text your question to me. I consider all submissions.

00:08:55

[computer game level up music (short)] 

My Lessons Learned 

What have I learned recently? Look, I do have my sh*t together most of the time. Most days of the year, I wake up knowing what my plan is for the day, with a schedule, and even a buffer, yes, for things that took a little longer than I expected. I already know typically what my top three things for the day are for the day. I also usually spend some time in the morning setting myself up mentally for the day: reminding myself of what is important, checking my thoughts about things, and reviewing the day ahead. 

Well, over the last few weeks, I got a bit lazy. I had one day where I even skipped my morning routine completely to watch an episode of survivor. Super indulgent for me, and I didn’t feel guilty when I did it. But what I discovered later is how important those few minutes of my morning reset - how important they are for me. I found myself run by my protector on the days where I skipped those moments in the morning. Some days my protector really ran the show. Typically, those are the days when I lose my cool the fastest, or I feel others “pushing my buttons” so to speak all day long. 

So, my lesson learned for me personally is how much I really need that time in the day. And I believe that I- it’s okay for me to miss it in the morning - I’m not going to be miserable. But now I’m in tune with how much extra mental work I’ll need as I progress throughout the day.  Yes, I’m going to dig into that life’s toolbox a little more often on days like that. 

00:10:27

[quirky music under segment]

Christine? Christine? Christine where are you? 

Clubhouse. Yes, I made it to Clubhouse and have been hosting (or moderating) rooms by myself and with others on topics such as: podcasting, decluttering, and morning resets and affirmations. If you are on Clubhouse, I invite you to follow me, and most of my sessions are at 7 - either 7AM or 7 PM EST. Don’t have a clue what I’m talking about? DM me on the socials and I’ll fill you in. I also have some invites. If I know we are aligned, I’m happy to send you an invite. 

An extra thing I’ve been doing on Clubhouse, TikTok and Instagram are these new 5-Minute encouragement bomb sessions where I pop in for five minutes to remind you how amazing you are. Never scheduled. As time allows and they’ve have been super fun -  highly energizing for me. 

As always, you may check out my Media & Press page on my website YourEmptyNestCoach.com for a list of all of my guest appearances. 

00:11:40

[computer game level up music (short)]  

Celebrating You and Your Wins [sound] 

This was fun! I asked some of my TikTok friends if I could share some of the wins they shared with me, last week -  with you, and they all said, “YES!” You know how I love to celebrate both big AND small wins. Sometimes, the smaller the better because it is all progress, and it all counts!!!!

So here are wins that we are celebrating today: 

Sloppyspacefish shared, “I called the pharmacy today and found out that I can still get the covid vaccine while on my meds!”

Angel.Macarthur said, “I ate today!”

Layla.and.dabo shared, “I finished my timed AP english essay I was really stressed about!” 

Sundaymalkmus had a win: Going to an in real life dance class at 7! and yeah,  I followed up on - and they said it was “Great!”

And erienne.shwan shared, “I passed the quiz I barely studied for.” 

Thank you all for sharing your wins. I’m so proud of you. I’m cheering you on. Please give yourself a pat on the back, and thank you for letting me share your wins with my audience here. 

Now, my listener, don’t forget to share your win with us - you may send it to me in my DMs or use my google voice number, yes, in the show notes... We’d all love to hear you share your own win in your own voice, too. I’d love that. Who's gonna  be first? 

00:13:06

[computer game level up music (short)] 

What’s in your life’s toolbox? 

As a reminder, these are things that bring you joy, or allow you to reset yourself in life in one way or another. Some are escapes that allow you the grace to have time until you’re able to process deeper or to allow your mind a bit of time to recalculate to what’s next. Anything that brings me more into the “now” as Eckhart Tolle would say, works for me. Sometimes just laying on the floor and spending time with the cat is just what I need. What do you use for these moments? Yeah, I’m going to invite you to share with me - use that Google voice number. Can I say it again?

[whispers] Hey, use the Google voice number.

We’d love to know what you use because that benefits others.

You’re amazing!

00:13:52

[computer game level up music (short)] 

Let’s find the funny!

[giggles from others] 

Bernie Sanders memes. That’s all I have to say. 

00:13:59

[computer game level up music (short)] 

What I Wish My  Parents Knew

Parents, your children want to feel heard and listened to - not they talk at you while you are on your phone - or doing the dishes. No, they want to feel heard. They don’t need you to solve everything for them - let them ask for that. I recently had a comment on TikTok that was both sweet and heart-breaking, the gist of it was that I, me - Coach Christine  - I’m the only adult in this young person’s life that shows any sympathy for what they’re going through.  Whoo.

I’m not sharing this with you to have you spin into a state of guilt or shame. More to just consider that maybe you - and me - all of us - can listen to our children better. It's super easy for us, as adults, with all of our adult responsibilities to forget that our kids are having a tough time too. So, maybe ask your children this week, “Hey I really want to know how you are. Really. No, really. And I’m here to listen, not solve.” 

00:15:05

[happy music (short)] 

Two Questions for You

Question 1:  Do you have potholes where you live? 

and Question 2:  So, will you check in with your children this week and make some time to really listen?

As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.

My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.

If you enjoy this podcast please don’t forget to share it with others, it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. And of course, subscribe in your favorite podcast app!

Well, it is time for me to go and that means, yes, it’s time to remind you that you are amazing!

See ya!

0015:53

[bloopers]

00:16:04

Still listening? 

Come on, those Bernie memes. So good! And he’s so cool that he created meme merch that raised 1.8 million dollars for Vermont charities - and I love reading what the photographer had to say about the photo - that it captured one specific moment, he usually doesn’t love those types of photos but he liked his mittens. That’s some good stuff. And now I’m off to look for some more Bernie memes that I haven’t seen.

[end music]

[end]