Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 30: Christine, I Am Not Appreciated. … Appreciation. Let’s talk about it. What if you feel that your partner doesn’t appreciate you? Maybe it is a friend, or a child’s friend. Let’s be honest, it might be your child that you feel doesn’t appreciate you. What do you do when you are feeling unappreciated?
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 30: Christine, I Am Not Appreciated. This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that has been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it is freaking you out. I’ve been there and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
Hello, my future empty nest friend. Holy cow! This is episode 30. Thirty! I can’t believe it. As I typed my notes for this episode, I’m not even a year out from when I firmly decided that empty nest coaching was going to be my niche. I was between three or four different ones, and I certainly hadn’t decided to do a podcast. This is amazing! I’m really proud of myself. What is crazy exciting is that I have people listening from countries all over the world. Some have taken the time to reach out to me and share their appreciation for this podcast. I can’t even begin to tell you how much that means to me.
Podcasting is a very lonely experience. Not really lonely, it’s just solitary. I’m sitting in a closet recording this and I put it out there and it may change your life, and I may never know that. The only way I know is if you reach out and tell me. I appreciate those of you who have done that, and if you’re going to, I can’t wait to hear from you.
I thought I would share a comment from a member of our Green Popsicle Stick group today. This one comes from Karen, and she shared that, “It seems that I stopped dreaming at some point in the last ten years. I’m going to start a Pinterest page titled “Dreams,” and then, pick one to think through.” Karen, thanks for sharing this with the group. It really is true, isn’t it? That we do seem to squash those dreams of ours down deep, the older we get. Then, we get wrapped up in helping our children make their dreams come true. I think we just squash them without even knowing we are doing it.
I have to tell you, that when I ask people the question, if you could do anything in the world right now, money isn’t an issue, you are totally happy in whatever you choose, what would it be? Most answer with, “Hmm, I need to think about that.” What strikes me here, is not that they need to think about it, but that they would never think to dream about this on their own. Why? One thing I love about Karen’s comment, is the Pinterest board idea. Fantastic idea, Karen. You’ll have to let us know how it works for you.
A quick reminder that all of my episodes are brought to you by my free seven-day program, “The Empty Nest: A Guide to Uncovering My Future.” To be clear, we are talking about your future, not mine. Hop on over to my website, youremptynestcoach.com and sign up today. Look for the link that says, “Uncover Your Future.”
Appreciation. Let’s talk about it. What if you feel that your partner doesn’t appreciate you? Maybe it is a friend, or a child’s friend. Let’s be honest, it might be your child that you feel doesn’t appreciate you. What do you do when you are feeling unappreciated? If you’ve listened to more than two of my podcast episodes, you probably know me by now, and yes, giving you some tough love today. This is not about them. Their behavior is not unappreciative. Your thinking about their behavior has labeled them as unappreciative. How do you respond with that thought of yours? For example, if you have someone in your life that you believe you have done a lot for, and their behavior toward you is not what you expect, you will have some thoughts about their behavior. What are those thoughts? If the thought is they are so unappreciative, first, how do you feel with that thought? For me, that thought brings up frustration. What does it bring up for you? How do you show up in the world, with that thought? For me, the best version of me certainly does not show up. What do you think your behavior is toward them, with that thought? Here’s the reality, whether they appreciate you or not, you don’t know. They might appreciate you in their mind. How would you know? You can’t pop in and read their mind, and would you really want to anyway? I’m good.
The real problem, most of the time, is that they aren’t responding in a way that we expect them to respond. Maybe it was, they didn’t say thank you. Maybe it was, they didn’t send me a card. Maybe it was they didn’t hug me, or they didn’t send me a text right away. All of these things are circumstances. If I have in my mind that when I send my child a package at college, I expect them to call or text me the moment they receive the package, and they need to thank me profusely, but they don’t. Maybe not only that, but I have to ask them if they received it, and I get, “Oh, yeah. Thanks. It was nice,” as a response. I need to stop and ask myself why do I feel that I need to control my child’s response for this? Did I want to send the package? Yes. Do I know what is going on in their mind? No. Even if they don’t appreciate it, what does it get me thinking that they don’t appreciate it? Lousy feelings is all that it gets me.
This is where we need to choose a thought that makes us feel better. If you are being abused or taken advantage of, then you need to set boundaries; however, most of the time, it isn’t a boundary issue. It is a thought issue. It is your thought, not their thought. After being curious about everything that this person continues to do, figure out if you want to set a boundary with them. Be clear with them on the boundary, and then you need to follow through on what you say you are going to do, if they don’t respect the boundary.
Let me give you an example. Perhaps I am sending a package where I’d like to know the box was received, because of the contents. I could set a boundary that I expect a text upon receipt or I won’t send any more boxes. State it to the recipient, but I need to be 100 percent ready to follow through on whatever I state, otherwise, there’s no use in setting the boundary. The real question is, who do you want to be in the world? Why not choose the best version of you? We start all of that with our thoughts. Catch your thoughts. Notice your thoughts and protect your thoughts, my empty nest friend. I know you can do it.
This is tough work right here. The next time you say, “they don’t appreciate me,” I want you to notice that that is a thought you are having. Take a deep breath, and see if you can find the actual circumstance that is causing your thought. If you haven’t already, go back and listen to my Empty Nest Prep Series of episodes, five episodes starting at episode number 3, to see what to do next.
Please don’t hesitate to fly on over to our Facebook group. Our name is Green Popsicle Sticks. Want to know why? Listen to episode number 17, or head to my website, youremptynestcoach.com/community for links to join our flock. Why should you join our group? The adjustment to not having your kiddos at home full time isn’t always easy, but it sure can be a ton more fun with a flock of friends. We look forward to seeing you there.
If you are ready to begin the journey to find future you, and use her as your GPS, definitely sign up for my free program, “The Empty Nest: A Guide to Uncovering My Future.” Episode 13 covers the high-level concepts of the program, if you would like to check it out. To dive deep in the concepts, take my free program, as I provide videos and worksheets to assist you on your journey.
The questions I have for you in this episode are: number one, do you currently identify with being unappreciated? Number two, when you have the thought that you are being unappreciated, how do you feel? As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend. My hope is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. You’ll find the show notes for this and every episode on my website. My next episode’s title is “How to Find Friends in the Empty Nest.” Don’t forget to subscribe to this podcast. It is free, and you’ll be notified when I post a new episode every Friday.
If my show has helped you in anyway, please share it with one other person you think it will help, too. You’ll be giving them a free gift. Thanks for your time and energy with that, and thanks so much for listening, my empty nest friend! Remember, you are amazing!