54: Fan Favorite: Beef Stew: Enjoying the Simmer

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Christine:  You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 54: A Fan Favorite of 2019: Beef Stew: Enjoying the Simmer.  Hi, I am excited to share with you that I have a new membership program, “GPS Execs.”  This will allow you to become an executive producer of my podcast. I am not kidding. I’m so excited about this.  You will become my inner circle. You’ll get bragging rights. You’ll have two Zoom calls available, with me, every month that you are a GPS Exec.  We’ll do periodic book clubs, periodic giveaways, just for my GPS Execs. I’m so excited. If you’re interested, go to my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com and click on “Executive Producers.”  All the information is there. Thanks!  See you there.

00:00:54

This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child.  Sure, you’ve been busy volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone.  But your main gig, that has been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it is freaking you out.  I’ve been there and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.

00:01:24

I am in the midst of sharing episodes that have resonated well with you. You, being my audience of amazing listeners.  Funny enough, they are the episodes that all have the commonality where in my head, they began in one place and then ended up somewhere else entirely.  As some of my friends would say, I was in the flow when they were created. I did feel as more of a vessel for the ideas than anything else, and it has been an honor to watch them enter the world.

00:01:50

Here’s how this episode will work.  First, I am going to share with you some thoughts from my listeners and clients that were shared with me about the episode.  Then I will share the primary content of the episode, and finally, I will wrap up by sharing with you any new thoughts that I may have about the topic now that some time has passed.  My third fan favorite episode is number 29: Christine, What Will I Do With My Time? And What Should I Do Next?

00:02:16

Are you simmering?  If you know what that means, that makes me smile.  If you don’t know what it means, keep listening to be introduced to it.  The interesting thing is that we are all simmering about something in our lives at any given moment, so getting used to a good simmer is not a waste of time.  Some thoughts from my listeners about this episode is: 

The simmering is a thing…and not to be confused with lazy.

That is for sure!

From another:  Thankful for the simmering, and to know what the simmering stage is and the importance of it.  Was not aware!

Well, look at that!

And finally:  The simmering is really hitting me! What you mention in the following quote is so fitting. The visual of the simmering is also so easy to digest. 

“Sometimes, you want to make a huge change right away, but circumstances need you to stay where you are to allow the next step to be smooth. Rather than resenting where you are currently, realize that you are in a necessary simmer that is needed before the next ingredient is added.”

00:03:16

And here is the original content: 

My future empty nest friend, I want to talk about when you can’t figure out what is next in life.  This may be in the form of thoughts such as, Christine, I don’t know what to do with my time or Christine, I think I know who future me is, but I can’t figure out what to do next.

00:03:35

Beef Stew.  When you make beef stew, there is some prep work.  You cook the beef. You then cook your veggies, seasoning, broth, maybe wine, more seasonings, and you bring it to a boil.  Once the stew reaches its boiling point, you reduce the heat to a simmer and have more additions for the next 30 to 45 minutes.  This simmer time allows a couple of things to happen. One, it cooks the food gently and slowly, allowing it to maintain its structure in ways impossible with boiling.  It also will bring fat, proteins, and other substances to the top of the pot, which allows you to skim them off, and results in a clear stock.

00:04:13

Notice that two things are not recommended.  One, allowing the meal to boil over, and two, once the boiling point is reached, turn the heat off and eat the stew.  What does this have to with the empty nest? Something that I’ve noticed for many of my clients is that we reach this point where we have been “doing life” at a million miles an hour.  Due to the circumstances of life, we get really good at hiding the real us in the name of taking care of everyone else. So much so that when a family member moves out of the house, be it for college, or their first apartment, the first thought that comes to our mind is what am I going to do with my time?  As if we didn’t exist before they entered our lives.  Think about it.

00:04:55

You were a full grown adult before you had your child.  At least, most of us are. You had a life. You will have a life again.  That you has been hiding really well. Is she different? More than likely, yes, but she is there.  She’s just not used to showing herself.  For many of my clients, the question what am I going to do with my time, seems to have an almost universal effect that moves my clients to, in the stew analogy, a full-on rolling boil that leads to a boiled-over mess.  Can you picture this? There’s a frenzied emotion guiding the question for them. The frenzy sometimes is led by the need to know the answer to this question as soon as possible.

00:05:35

If you are able to answer the question right away, what am I going to do with my time, fantastic!  Go you! But for many of us, the first thing we think we should do isn’t really the answer. Jumping all in on that thing, whatever it is, without allowing life to simmer for a little bit, will cause the stew to boil over, or we realize we’re not heading down the right path, so we pull the pot off the heat and dump it down the sink.  When what we really need to do is turn the heat down low and allow things to simmer.

00:06:05

Allow ideas to bubble up.  Explore them. Research them.  Try them, and if the timing is right, take some time to discover if the stew is finished cooking, if you need to try a new recipe, or if you are simply still simmering.  Remember, also, that if you don’t move from the boil down to the simmer, adjustments become messier than they need to be.  In this transition, in your quest is to figure out what you are going to do with your time, take deep breaths, and if you don’t have complete clarity, it is okay.  You are simply simmering. You are exploring what is next.

00:06:41

What if you are sitting there wondering what am I going to do with my time, and you feel frenzied.  You feel things starting to boil, but all you have is water in the pot, right? No direction. If this is you, I want you to try something for me.  Try changing your question, “what I am going to do with my time,” to the sentence, “I am going to have more time,” or “I have more time,” and simmer in that.  Please note that this doesn’t mean that you don’t take any action in your life. You can try things. You can explore things.  You can go all in on things, and you can adjust things.  Throw some ingredients in here and there, and see what that does for you.

00:07:19

Sometimes you want to make a huge change right away, but circumstances need you to stay where you are to allow the next step to be smooth.  Rather than resenting where you are currently, realize that you are in a necessary simmer that is needed, before the next ingredient is added.  As you simmer, get to know future you. Find her. It is so funny, I already hear some of you ready to say, “How can I know future me, when I don’t know if blah, blah, blah is going to happen?”  

00:07:49

I need to be very clear.  Future you is meant to inspire, encourage and motivate you.  She is not necessarily a prediction of the future, unless you have some powers that I don’t know about, then, you know, give me a call.  Let me know. But she’s your navigation system.  Right now, in this moment, whoever future you would be, use her to guide you in your decisions.  

00:08:13

That question you want the answer to, “Christine, what am I going to do with my time?”  It might make you feel like you need to pick a new job, a new career, or a hobby to fill your time with.  Maybe what you really need to do right now, is to keep doing what you’re doing. Maybe you see where you think your life will be in two years, but you’re just needed quite a bit right now, doing what you’re doing.  Which might mean that your life isn’t going to change as quickly as you imagine it. You might be in the necessary simmer.

00:08:45

So, are you simmering?  Remember, if you stop simmering, the recipe never finishes.  Once the stew is finished cooking, there is always another stew ready to be made.  Sit in the simmer. Don’t be afraid of the simmer! Don’t fight it. Use it to get in touch with future you.  This time is needed and if you simmer long enough, the miscellaneous things that you don’t need, will rise to the top for you to skim off.  That will make your life, your path ahead, clearer, just like the skimmed stock.  Isn’t that cool?  

00:09:17

If you’re having trouble sitting in the simmer, try reminding yourself that you’ll figure it out.  So, where are you right now? This isn’t for me to tell you. It’s for your GPS future you to tell you.  Don’t look to me, don’t look to your friend. Look to future you. Ask her what makes the most sense right now, and try asking her if you need to simmer.  Trust that you and your GPS will figure out all the pieces when the time is right. Maybe right now, your GPS needs you to work on you, on your emotional health, on your physical health, so you may have the best future in store for you.

00:09:53

Having your future self to check in with is incredibly helpful.  Mostly because she is you. She has your back, my friend. The destination sometimes changes for us, but the guidance system doesn’t.  Find your guidance system. Find you and go after her 200 percent.

00:10:12

This episode was when I realized that I was owning my own voice, my own content and embraced, whatever came my way.  It was me preaching to myself as I build processes and content that is out in the world and wonder what will resonate with you.  This has become a real thing, the simmer. I have co-workers walk up to me saying, “I’m simmering, Christine, simmering. I’m not even sure what else to say.  It brings me peace, calmness and amazement all at the same time.

00:10:39

The questions I have for you in this episode are: have you been using the simmering analogy in your life? And, what are you simmering about? I invite you to fly on over to our Facebook Group to share your answers to these questions with our amazing flock. Our name is Green Popsicle Sticks.  Want to know why? Listen to episode number 17. Or head to my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com/community for links to join our flock.  I know that the adjustment to not having your kiddos at home full-time isn’t always easy, but it sure can be a ton more fun with a flock of friends.  We look forward to seeing you there.

00:11:14

If you are ready to begin the journey to find future you, and use her as your GPS, definitely sign up for my free program, “The Empty Nest: A Guide to Uncovering My Future.” Episode 13 covers the high-level concepts of that program – if you would like to check it out. To dive deep into the concepts, take my free program, as I provide videos and worksheets to assist you on your journey.

00:11:38

As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.  My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.  You’ll find the show notes for this, and every episode, on my website. My next episode is the final episode in 2019: A Fan Favorite: Leveling up in Life: Donkey Kong Your Life.

00:11:58

Oh, my goodness, did you hear?  I have an online program: “The Empty Nest: First Steps Towards Success.”  I now offer GPS Reset Weekend Retreats, Unplugged and Charged Up, and I am available for speaking engagements.  Seriously! What are you waiting for? Visit my website or see this episode’s full show notes.

00:12:21

If you aren’t driving and you are able to do a screenshot of this episode and share it on social media to help others find it, that would be super helpful. Be sure to tag me @emptynestcoach so I may thank you.  Of course, remember, you are amazing!