Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast with Coach Christine, episode number 56: Why Resolutions Don’t Work.
I work with mothers of high school students and beyond, who are in the trenches with sad and possibly, overwhelming thoughts about what their life will look like when their baby heads to college and begins to leave the nest. My clients’ big question is what will I do with my time? Is this you? I’ve been there, and I get it. Empowering you to write the next jaw-dropping, amazing chapter in your life is my passion. I am energized by leading you in the process of exploration and am thrilled when you unlock the power that lies within you. This podcast is my gift to you.
Happy 2020, my empty nest friend! Wow, and just like that, winter break is over. I hope you managed to find moments, over the holidays, where you were able to be fully present, appreciating the “Now.” That being said, wherever your thought deliveries just took you, come back to me. Listen to my voice. Are you with me? Take a moment to pay attention to all of your senses. Take a deep breath in and a slow breath out. What I have to share with you today, if you hear it, feel it in your soul, has the potential to change your days ahead. My wish for you, as we begin, is that you have peace in your soul and huge dreams for your days, months and years ahead.
I have some exciting news that I have been working on over the last few months. On Tuesday, you will receive an extra episode for the week, from me, in your feed. This past October, I tested the idea of a quick tips episode, and I was very happy with how it turned out. I then hand-selected a team of eleven amazing women to be a part of my inaugural and International 2020 Your Empty Nest Coach Quick Tips team. These are women who have, in different ways, been no small part of my journey to where I am today and they have incredible knowledge to share with you. I have asked them to create quick tips just for you. So look for these quick tips episodes on select Tuesdays in 2020.
I have made the commitment to create these episodes for one year, so let’s see where this goes, together. Oh, and if you have a quick tip that you would like to share with my audience, I invite you to share it with me. Visit my website YourEmptyNestCoach.com, for how to submit your tip. Curious about my team members? I invite you to meet them on my website. Look for the Quick Tips team button!
While I’m talking about new things, I will also share that I have decided to keep my Friday weekly episodes to solo episodes. I’ve found that when I add a guest into the mix, it is near impossible for me to keep the episode short. They are interesting for sure, but my editing resources are limited. So in 2020, Fridays will be me, Coach Christine, and the episodes will be my focused, lesson-based style and usually well under 20 minutes. Now, this doesn’t mean I won’t have any guests, but they will be, like my first year, not the norm. You’ll find them labeled as bonus episodes, and they will not be found in your feed on a Friday. I hope that helps for your listening planning.
Thanks! Thank you! It’s time to thank our sponsor. This quick tips episode is sponsored by my community, The Green Popsicle Sticks. Ready to find the GPS of your life? Then sign up for my Thursday Thoughts About email, where you will gain immediate access to the GPS life principles document, and will receive a link to join our community, and it’s all free! See the link in this episode’s show notes, or head to my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com and click the Thursday Thoughts About button to get started. See you there.
Now for my lovely topic. I know you love the title, don’t you? Why Resolutions Don’t Work. While today, we have in mind New Year’s resolutions, this, of course, applies to any resolution or new goal that you have set for yourself any time of the year. Did you make a New Year’s resolution? Did you make one? Did you make three? Is your resolution the same resolution that you made last year, or the year before? Or is it a brand new one?
I would like your current thought deliveries to focus on my next question. Have you done the thought work needed to create positive thoughts and emotions that will guide you to feeling good about your resolution? Did that question make sense to you?
I’d like you to imagine that where you live is on a large lake. When you woke up today and looked outside, you noticed something on the other side of the lake that to you, looks like the beautiful result of your new year’s resolution, whatever that is. Imagine that off in the distance, you just know that your goal is there. It is difficult to see because of the size of the lake; it’s huge, but you are positive that you are there. That you has reached your New Year’s resolution. This is a you that completes the resolution without any drama, a you that feels amazing because, she did it. Even though you can’t see the details, you have no doubt the resolute you is there, and with that, you make a quick decision to travel across that lake to reach that version of you. You commit to it. You tell others, your friends, your family, and you decide to go there.
So, you search out for ways to reach that version of you. You ask your friends and family to cheer you on and to help you stay motivated. The moment you put your eyes on a rowboat, you jump in and start rowing. You are good for a while. The rowing, the sound of the water as the oars enter and exit the water, and the excitement of being out on the water energizes you. You are enjoying yourself, your wonderful friends cheer you on. You row. You see the future you. You row. Friends cheer. You ro — wait. Stop. Are your feet a bit damp?
You look down to see some water in the row boat. You don’t remember seeing that there, when you jumped in, but tell yourself it was a puddle in the back of the boat that you couldn’t see that has worked its way to your feet. You keep paddling. You keep rowing. Over time, you begin to feel the effects of the rowing on your arms, causing you to row slower. As you finish a slow row circle, you look down to see that, for sure, the water is higher than it was before, and now, you know this is serious. You have a leak in the boat.
You look to where you started. Your friends and family are, yes, still watching you, and they give you a big cheer as they see your face. While you are closer to where you began, than where you started, you can’t go back. You made a big deal about reaching the other side, didn’t you? You stop rowing, cup your hands and start using them to move water from inside the boat, to outside the boat. It works, at first. You are able to row a bit further, but every 20 strokes you have to furiously empty the boat. Your arms are tired, your hands are beginning to get blisters from the paddles, and you have those pruny wrinkled hands from the water.
Eventually, you realize that you can’t keep up and decide that you better swim back to shore where your friends are, while you have the energy. Your friends are there. They are good friends, so they cheer you on, and say, “You’ll make it further next time,” and you’ll wonder if it was all worth it. Okay, okay. I know this isn’t the most uplifting visualization, and I admit I did that on purpose. If you have a resolution or a goal that you decided to do, but haven’t done the mental work to keep you going through it, you open yourself up to being in that leaky rowboat. The water leaking into the boat represents the thought deliveries in your mind that will either slow you down, or stop you completely.
Thoughts like, “This is so hard, I’m not sure I can do it.” “I hate this.” “I am not good at this.” “I’m starving.” “I miss eating whatever it is.” “I’m not a runner.” “I’m disorganized.” “I’m not as good as they are.” “I’m not wired the way that person is.” These thoughts are water in your rowboat, as you work on your new year’s resolution; actually, as you work on anything. They serve no purpose, so why are you opening the door to let them in? Don’t let them control you, take control of your deliveries.
Instead, what I’d like you to do, is before you start your resolution, to take inventory of what thought deliveries you have around that resolution, around that goal. Take the time to notice the deliveries, clear them out, and adjust them to allow them to create a positive energy in your life. It is the difference between you jumping into the leaky boat, and taking the time to inspect the boat ahead of time. Sure finding a leak in the boat and fixing it will slow you down to start, for sure. But, my friend, let’s go back to our leaky boat visualization again.
This time, when you discover the rowboat, imagine now, taking the time to fix the boat. You do such a fantastic job on the fix, that you discover a way to fix the boat that you never considered before. You also had the patience and courage to attempt adding a sail to the boat before launch. That slowing down is giving the boat the time and attention it needs to get you to your destination. Now when you get in the boat, not only is there no water in the boat, but that sail you added catches the perfect breeze, which expedites your trip.
Guess where you end up? At the other side of the lake, becoming the resolute you, the one that has reached her New Year’s goal. It feels amazing. Plus, you have a boat that now, gets you to where you need to go in all areas of life. Oh, it springs leaks here and there. It definitely needs routine maintenance, but it gets stronger between each maintenance session and lasts longer which allows you to reach destinations you never thought were possible.
If this opened your eyes a bit and you are ready to fix your leaky rowboat, start by taking a piece of paper; writing your resolution at the top, and giving yourself the time to discover what thought deliveries you have about it. Write them down. Do you have a page full of water in the boat? If so, I encourage you to take time to do repairs. It takes work, and time, but it makes a huge difference. You are worth this work. If your thoughts aren’t in line with the action you are taking, it is only a matter of time before your thoughts win. Why let them boss you around? Be the amazing boss of your thoughts. I just created another podcast topic right there.
Whether this is your first time listening or not, thanks for being here. I do reference my use of “thought deliveries,” in this episode, for more on that, head back to episode 3 for that concept. I also invite you to take my full program: The Empty Nest: First Steps Toward Success for even more ways on how to make your thoughts work for you. Whether it is specific to the empty nest or you are working on that New Year’s Resolution.
The questions I have for you in this episode are: number one, are you working on a resolution that you started for the new year? And, number two, what are you most looking forward to in 2020? I invite you to fly on over to our Facebook Group to share your answers to these questions with our amazing flock. Our name is Green Popsicle Sticks. Want to know why? Listen to episode number 17. Or head to my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com/community for links to join our flock. We look forward to seeing you there!
Thanks! Thank you! A huge shout out to my GPS Execs, the Executive Producers of my podcast. Visit my website, or see my show notes for a link to learn how you may become a GPS Exec, where you will gain bonus access to me and more. As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. You’ll find the show notes for this, and every episode, on my website.
My next episode’s title is: Fish Tank Empowerment. Curious? I hope so! Can you do me a favor? If you are able to do a screenshot of this episode to share on social media, to help others to find it, that would be super helpful. Be sure to tag me @emptynestcoach so I may personally thank you. If you enjoyed this episode, I invite you to take a moment to subscribe to this podcast. It is free! My wonderful empty nest friend, remember, you are amazing!