Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, episode number 7, Empty Nest Prep, part 5, Putting It All Together. … Hello, my empty nest friend! We made it. This is the final portion of my five-episode series titled Empty Nest Prep. These five episodes are the base level material of everything that I teach.
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, episode number 7, Empty Nest Prep, part 5, Putting It All Together. This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy with volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that’s been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it’s freaking you out. I’ve been there, and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
Hello, my empty nest friend! We made it. This is the final portion of my five-episode series titled Empty Nest Prep. These five episodes are the base level material of everything that I teach. I recommend listening to them in order, as they build upon each other and these five episodes have material that will be referenced throughout my podcast. For a quick review, in part one, we noticed our thoughts by picturing them as thought boxes being delivered to a house, which is our mind. In part two, we learned to observe those thought boxes while being kind to ourselves. In part three, we learned that we are responsible for our feelings 100 percent, and what thought box we open determines how we feel. In part four, we learned that our feelings create an action in our life, which create a result. I didn’t give you the very first piece of the puzzle. What? I know, so nice of me. I left that out on purpose. I’ve found that my clients get hung up on it when I start there.
What is this problematic first piece? It is the idea that your thoughts are optional about whatever circumstance you have. I’ve found the thought box story helps to set the stage for the phenomenal tool I’m about to introduce you to. If you’ve listened to all the episodes in this series, you already know four of the five elements that create this powerful too.
I introduce you to the self-coaching model. This model was assembled by the amazing life coach extraordinaire, Brooke Castillo, of The Life Coach School. I have not yet met her in person, yet. She’s no doubt my coach. I’ve been listening to her podcast since it started, or really close to when it started and it has changed my life.
Brooke’s self-coaching model has five elements in it that build off of one another. It begins with a circumstance. A circumstance is something that is indisputable by everyone on the planet. It is a fact. It is not drama. It is not full of adjectives. It is a simple fact that everyone agrees with. Everyone. When I say everyone, I mean everyone. I don’t mean everyone with the same views as you. I mean everyone. You know how your family can all be in the same room, someone says something, and while you find it hysterical, another person finds it offensive or awful, or boring, or stupid, or creative? Guess what? That reaction you have isn’t a circumstance then. Anything in your life that has the opportunity to be interpreted by other people in different ways is not a circumstance.
A circumstance is I am at home today. My child has a D on their transcript. My husband came home from work at 9:00 p.m. A circumstance is not I’m all alone at home today. My child’s life has been ruined by the D on their transcript. My husband doesn’t care about me because he comes home late. Do you see the difference?
By now, from our thought box visualization, you may recognize that my latter examples are thoughts. Thoughts that are optional. They may not feel optional, but I want you to trust me on it, and I want you to consider the possibility that I’m right. The circumstance is what triggers that bright light to suddenly shine on a particular thought box, and you automatically go to it. Are you with me? A circumstance happens. You have a thought. We already know that a thought creates a feeling for you, right? You sit in your thought box and sit in that feeling, which leads you to take an action, or inaction, and that produces a result.
The understanding of how those five elements work together to create a result in your life has the power to change everything. I’ve got to tell you. Now that I get it, I only wish I had learned it sooner. Gone are the days where I blame others for my feelings and for my actions. I will say it is much easier to assume that other humans on the planet are the cause of your feelings and actions, but when you blame others for your feelings, you flat out hand them complete control over your life. Right? That is not at all fun to think about. Imagine someone walks up to you and says you are a horrible mother. A spotlight turns on immediately in your head to a thought box that is labeled I am a horrible mother. You feel sad or anxious, or however that thought makes you feel. It will be different for everyone.
What if the spotlight shines on that thought box, you read it and you think, that’s not right. Turn the spotlight off and walk away to a different thought box. How do you feel? How do you show up in the world? What box do you want to choose and why wouldn’t you do that? Seriously. This is difficult because our minds flip on the spotlight continuously to boxes that we are used to opening. At first, you won’t even notice the spotlight. It’s such a strong pattern for you. Over time, you’ll start to notice it is on, and you’re in a thought box feeling all of whatever feeling is going on.
After time, you’ll begin to notice the spotlight as it turns on. A couple of times, you might even catch it before the switch to turn it on happens. It is a very simple concept when you understand it, but the work of it isn’t easy. It is worth every second you put into this. I hope you’ll join me because I’d love to see your life change the way mine has. Truly, you are worth the work, my empty nest friend, 100 percent.
In my next episode I will answer some of your questions.
The questions for this week are:
1) What are your thoughts about the self-coaching model and my visualization to go along with it?
2) What isn’t working in your life right now?
I invite you to fly over to my Empty Nest Flock Community, at youremptynestcoach.com/community to share your answers to this episode’s questions. I look forward to seeing you there, my empty nest friend. Remember, you are amazing!
