Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast with Coach Christine, episode number 71: The Past and the Future are Outside of Your Fence. I work with mothers of high school students and beyond, who are in the trenches with sad and possibly, overwhelming thoughts about what their life will look like when their baby heads to college and begins to leave the nest. My clients’ big question is what will I do with my time? Is this you? I’ve been there, and I get it. Empowering you to write the next jaw-dropping, amazing chapter in your life is my passion. I am energized by leading you in the process of exploration and am thrilled when you unlock the power that lies within you. This podcast is my gift to you.
Amazing lady, I’m incredibly inspired that you are listening to this right now. Thank you for trusting me with your time. I appreciate you, and I think you need to hear this: you are worthy. You are worthy of a life free of negative thoughts, you are worthy of a life that allows you to know who you are meant to be. You are worthy of it all because you are human. Past deeds and thoughts don’t matter. You, right now, are worthy of being peaceful right now in this present moment, and you are worthy of a future that you can only dream about in the moment. If you’re having trouble believing any of what I just said, maybe you need to work with me. I’d love to do that!
Before we get started, please remember that you may leave me audio feedback at any time through my SpeakPipe link. If you find yourself talking back to me during the episode, why don’t you really share your thoughts with me? You’ll find the link to do this in the description of this episode. On Apple Podcasts, click “Details”; on Spotify click “See More”; on Overcast press the I for information button. Get the idea? Of course I always have full show notes with links to anything I discuss in this episode, and a full episode transcription on my website. Those reside at Youremptynestcoach.com/P (for podcast) and 71(for this number’s episode). (YourEmptyNestCoach.com/P71) I can’t wait to hear from you!
Thanks! Thank you! It’s time to thank our sponsor. This episode is sponsored by my membership community, The GPS Support Flock; Your Flight to Success in the Empty Nest. If you are ready to find the GPS of your life, sign up to receive an immediate and free download of my PDF, “How to Find Yourself in the Empty Nest,” our GPS Life Principles document. You will also have the opportunity to learn about our community. See the link in this episode’s show notes or fly on over to my website, YourEmptyNestCoach.com. Click the GPS Support Flock button. See you soon!
This episode continues to build off of the “Becoming the CEO of Your Life” series, so if you haven’t yet listened to that, you may want to start there, with episode number 64. I am beginning to think that this big analogy of mine is a book in the making, what do you think? It feels like it, and, funny story, writing a book has never ever been something I want to do. I was in the literary world through my daughter a few years back, but to be honest, this is different, motivated by people who perhaps will only get this message if they read it. Maybe that’s the motivation I need. We shall see…
Okay, so a quick refresher: your mind is like a house with thought deliveries that are optional to you, you have a Protector that acts like a security guard (some people would call this their ego). The security guard is the one responsible for sending you thought deliveries. Nothing else enters in or outside of the fence without the help of the Protector, the security guard. If your Protector is in high alert mode, they see everything outside of the fence as danger and send you deliveries accordingly, which leaves you in a dark place in your mind.
That fence. Let’s talk about what is outside of the fence. I mentioned in prior episodes that “happenings” of life are outside of your fence. But also thoughts about the past and present are outside of your fence, too. I didn’t have this clarity until only a week ago. (I told you that I’m figuring this out with you, didn’t I?) The clarity came to me, when I woke up suddenly at 2:00 AM the night after a big job interview and thought, “ooh, I”m not sure my thank you note was correct. I might have confused something.” My body was tense, I was out of my deep sleep and I could feel myself beginning to spin about it.
Thankfully, I caught myself and thought, “What would I tell a client right now?” Not that I’m in anyone’s bedroom at 2 AM, that would be just plain creepy. But, it dawned on me that that email I sent is outside of my fence. I sent the email. It is out there. Whether I could have formulated the email better or not, or if whatever I wrote in it impacts the outcome either way, I can’t control it now, 2:00 AM, in my bed. My thoughts about it now aren’t going to change anything. Me, staying awake and figuring out how I would have perfectly crafted that email, doesn’t change the situation.
It is funny how our Protector likes to make us think that by us thinking about a situation over and over and over, that somehow we’ll be able to impact it. Sure, there are the right times to allow a delivery in and to consider how to make changes for the future. But then, there are times like this, where I don’t have a tardis to go back and hit unsend, to go back to the interview and take notes that would have helped me to avoid my questioning now, that may or may not even be correct.
So, not being a time traveler, I made the choice to move the “email situation” outside of my fence. This gave me peace. My Protector showed it to me, and that is when I thanked “them,” my Protector, for the status report. I mean, they take their job seriously and are only trying to protect me. But I evaluated it and see that they can relax because what is inside of my fence right now is that I need to sleep. After this realization, I chose to change my thought to , “I sent a detailed thank you email, it will confirm for them that I am right, or not right, for the position, and whatever the outcome, I’m thankful for the experience I had.” I believed all of that and went back to sleep.
This is a big deal. I’ve had moments in the past where I would have gotten out of bed and worried needlessly. As a child, to be honest, I would worry about what the next day would bring for me for sometimes hours, until I finally fell asleep. I had the belief that by playing out my day ahead I could impact it all. I mean I guess there could be positives there if it wasn’t surrounded by worrisome thought deliveries that piled up, something that I can see clearly now. Being able to clearly see things outside of my fence now, is leveling me up in ways that I wasn’t expecting. I hope this concept helps you, too.
So, yes, those things you have done in the past, whether it was five minutes ago, five months ago, or five years ago, if you can’t do anything to make an impact on the outcome in this exact moment, then please be aware that you are allowing your
Protector to continually to bring something outside of your fence inside of your fence, and keep you in the dark, focused on that thought delivery while life continues. It is your choice now, what to do with that knowledge. For your future, same thing. If you are consciously planning for your future and working toward something in the present, for your future, that is a phenomenal use of your thought deliveries. But if you are bringing thought deliveries inside of your fence for outcomes that haven’t happened yet that impact you negatively, please know that that choice causes you to live in this moment as if that outcome has already happened. Oh, my goodness.
Our minds are powerful, use them for good in your own life. Sure, a situational outcome may not turn out the way you like down the road, but why put yourself there before it happens, or it may never happen? Why live there before it happens? Yes, you know me. Tough love here. But are you seeing what you do to yourself? I share the tough love because I care and I want to see you choose your thought deliveries wisely. You can do this, friend.
The questions I have for you in this episode are, are you spending more time inside or outside of your fence? And, do you find yourself focused more on the past or the future? I invite you to share your answers to these questions for inclusion on an upcoming episode by using my Speakpipe link which you will find in the episode description mentioned earlier. Or fly on over to our Facebook Group to share your answers to these questions with our amazing flock. Our Faceboook Group name is Green Popsicle Sticks. Want to know why? Listen to episode number 17. Or head to my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com/community for links to join our flock.
Thanks! Thank you! A huge shout out to every member of my GPS Support Flock. I invite you to fly on over to my website, or see my show notes, for a link to learn how you may become a GPS Support Flock member, where you will gain access to all of my programs, monthly workshops, group coaching, and more. See you there!
My next episode’s title is, “What is Beauty? Are you able to screenshot this episode right now? If so, take a minute to do that and then to share it on social media to help others to find it. That would be incredibly helpful. Be sure to tag me @emptynestcoach so I may personally thank you. If you enjoyed this episode, I invite you to take a moment to subscribe to this podcast. It is free, after all. My incredible empty nest friend, please remember that you are amazing!