Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast with Coach Christine, “What to do When Your Child is Struggling. …
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast with Coach Christine, “What to do When Your Child is Struggling. I work with mothers of high school students and beyond, who are in the trenches with sad and possibly, overwhelming thoughts about what their life will look like when their baby heads to college and begins to leave the nest. My clients’ big question is what will I do with my time? Is this you? I’ve been there, and I get it. Empowering you to write the next jaw-dropping, amazing chapter in your life is my passion. I am energized by leading you in the process of exploration and am thrilled when you unlock the power that lies within you. This podcast is my gift to you.
Hello, CEO of Your Life! Are you there yet? Are you the Conscious Effective Olympian of your life? I am so excited for all that is in store for you! Before we get started, please remember that you may leave me audio feedback at any time through my SpeakPipe link. If you find yourself talking back to me during the episode, why don’t you really share your thoughts with me? You’ll find the link to do this in the description of this episode: on Apple Podcasts, you’d click “Details”; on Spotify, click “See More”; and on Overcast press the I for information button. Get the idea? Of course I always have full show notes with links to anything I discuss in this episode, and a full episode transcription on my website (YourEmptyNestCoach.com/P81). I can’t wait to hear from you.
Thanks! Thank you! It’s time to thank our sponsor. This episode is sponsored by my membership community, The GPS Support Flock; Your Flight to Success in the Empty Nest. If you are ready to find the GPS of your life, sign up to receive an immediate and free download of my PDF, “How to Find Yourself in the Empty Nest,” our GPS Life Principles document. You will also have the opportunity to learn about our community. See the link in this episode’s show notes or fly on over to my website, YourEmptyNestCoach.com. Click the GPS Support Flock button. See you soon!
Oh, my friend isn’t it the worst when your child is struggling? It is. I’m not going to pretend that it isn’t. Someone else’s kid is struggling? I suggest saying, “That sucks.” At least that has become my go-to response now. Most people don’t want to be coached at that moment in time, so I do my best to empathize and listen. At least that is what I aspire to do. Forgive me if I’ve not done that with you. As for your child, look, you don’t have to pretend life is perfect when you know your child is having a hard time but you do need to be super diligent in watching the work of your protector during this time.
Assuming you have been in Training mode, simmering along, your
Protector is going to want to jump right back into bossing you around, to find the worst outcomes that might happen to your child, to shove that dimmer switch all the way down to the bottom and cause you to go back into Obscurity mode. Your Protector thinks they can control the outcome, so the thought deliveries they send along inside your fence and house will be all that you see, thinking that you focusing on those thought deliveries will impact everything. It won’t. It will only impact how you show up for yourself, and for your child.
So, the first thing I have to say is recognize that it sucks. Recognize that you’re also going to have to power-up the training of your Protector while you watch your child struggle. It is a lousy place to be, but slide that dimmer switch up and keep your Protector in mega-training mode because when you begin to get lazy, they’ll take back over in a heartbeat. That isn’t the mode your child needs to see you in while they are struggling.
What does your child need? They need to know you love them and are there for them. They need to know that you will listen to them. They need you to be the best version of yourself that is possible for you. You can’t be that, while you’re living in Obscurity mode. You are going to serve your child best when you are considering all of your own thought deliveries as optional. Notice them. Be curious about them. See if they serve you. Ask yourself if they are true. Pay attention to what sensations they are causing in your body. Ask yourself if the thought is helpful in any way, at this moment in time.
If the thought delivery serves no purpose, or drives you to sensations that create the inability to listen, then you need to thank your Protector for their concern, and usher those thought deliveries back out the door. This is not easy work, my friend. I know. Remember, your thought deliveries about your child’s situation won’t change their outcomes. They will only bring you negative sensations and might damage your relationship in the meantime. Train your Protector to help you identify moments where you can do something helpful and do it. Otherwise, let those thought-deliveries go. Truly. The wrong thought deliveries accepted over and over, and over have the potential to create or strengthen a crack that is in a relationship.
Painful, right? Is it worth it? Is it worth it to react without considering that your reaction brings no value to you, to your child, and to the world? What is your end goal? Is it to tell them you told them so? How do you show up with that thought? Is it to handle it for them in a way that isn’t beneficial to their growth? Is it to solve it as fast as possible because, you know, after all, you are busy? How does that thought feel and do you think for a second that sensation you have isn’t felt by your child? Consider those thought deliveries. Consider your goal, and as you come to these realizations, please be kind to yourself.
Yes, it is work to continuously train your Protector to handle this situation well. As I always say, it is worth it. You are worth it and your child is worth it. The good news is that you are presented with a huge opportunity to level-up here. Life isn’t going to be free of sucky things because you are in Training mode. Nope. It doesn’t work that way, sorry!
You might have the opportunity to set an amazing example for your child on how to handle their own emotional health going forward. Can you imagine that impact? How about trying that thought delivery on for size? I don’t know about you, but that one gives me some lovely sensations, and my dimmer switch moves up more than a little bit.
The questions I have for you in this episode are, what is your go-to response when your child is struggling? And, who do you want to show up as, when your child is struggling? I invite you to share your answers to these questions for inclusion on an upcoming episode by using my Speakpipe link which you will find in the episode description mentioned earlier. Or Fly on over to our Facebook Group to share your answers to these questions with our amazing flock. Our Facebook Group name is Green Popsicle Sticks. Want to know why? Listen to episode number 17. Or head to my website, YourEmptyNestCoach.com/community for links to join our flock. We look forward to seeing you there!
Thanks! Thank you! A huge shout out to every member of my GPS Support Flock. I invite you to fly on over to my website, or see my show notes, for a link to learn how you may become a GPS Support Flock member, where you will gain access to all of my programs, monthly workshops, group coaching, and more. See you there!
If you enjoyed this episode, I invite you to take a moment to subscribe to this podcast. Go ahead, do it right now! It’s free! As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. Okay, empty nest CEO of Your Life, are you remembering every day that you are amazing? Well, you are!