Empty Nest Success Evangelist specializing in coaching mothers entering the empty nest. ★ Master Motivator ★ Podcast Host ★ Together we'll channel your freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy! ~ Christine, Your Empty Nest Coach
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, live from She Podcasts Live 2019, in Atlanta, Georgia. … To be surrounded by brave women who are, or are soon to be, podcast creators. I can’t even put words to it, really.
[She Podcasts Live 2019]
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, live from She Podcasts Live 2019, in Atlanta, Georgia. Whoo hoo! This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that has been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it is freaking you out. I’ve been there and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
Hello, my future empty nest friend. Woo! I wish you could feel the energy around me right now. How about it, Ladies?
JoDee: Oh, it’s wonderful.
Christy: It’s amazing.
Christine: To be surrounded by brave women who are, or are soon to be, podcast creators. I can’t even put words to it, really.
JoDee: It’s a lot.
Christine: I acquired a coveted booth time and I want to give special thanks out to BuzzSprout, for this experience. Thanks, BuzzSprout! For you my wonderful listener, I have with me more than a few women who are creating content that very well may resonate with you. Our time is limited, so we are going to quickly introduce ourselves, and our podcasts. We’ll tell you if our podcast is explicit, or not, and we’ll explain who we are speaking to, when we hit record. If this is your first time listening to my show, I am Coach Christine. My podcast is Your Empty Nest Coach. It is not explicit, and when I hit record, I’m speaking to the mom who walked away from a career to raise her child. She’s put her whole heart and soul into raising them. Kids are now heading off to college, and she’s kind of freaking out because the empty nest is ahead, so we take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome.
JoDee: I love that. I really do.
Terri: Yeah. Wonderful.
Christine: Thank you.
JoDee: I am JoDee Kenney and my podcast is Success with JoDee Kenney, and my podcast is not an explicit podcast. When I hit record, I want to inspire women and young ladies to go out and be the best that they can be. It’s a women empowerment podcast. I’m speaking to women and young ladies, and I want to let them know that they can live in their own power, and that they can learn from other people who are experiencing ups and downs on their journey to success. I think success is a journey; it’s a journey and a destination, and that’s what my podcast is all about.
Terri: Wow. I am Terri, and my podcast is possibly explicit, but yes, explicit. Let’s just say it’s explicit.
JoDee: Go for it.
Terri: Yeah, let me dive right in there. When I hit record, I’m speaking to women in their 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, so a little past your age. The kids are fully out of the house, and we are Mixing up Mid-Life. That’s the name of my podcast, and it’s really about shaking things up in the middle years, one challenge at a time. Getting out of our comfort zone. It’s part reality and part audio diary, and part community. That’s what we are. We’re doing some challenges, making ourselves feel empowered.
Terri: There you go.
Christine: Yay, for challenges.
Terri: Love a challenge.
Connie: My name’s Connie Minnell, and my podcast is Positively Life After 50. It’s not explicit, but when I’m recording, I’m talking to women who have suffered loss or pain in whatever way, whatever form, and maybe that has led to health problems; maybe it’s led to anxiety; maybe it’s led to depression; and they’re looking to find joy in their journey again.
Christine: That’s beautiful.
Bridgette: Hi, I’m Bridgette.
Colleen: And, I’m Colleen.
Bridgette: And, our podcast is called Hot Flashes and Cool Topics.
Colleen: And, as of right of now, it is not explicit, but it will probably —
Bridgette: Probably. Mm-hm.
Colleen: — become explicit.
Bridgette: Yeah. We’re having trouble keeping it in the clean category.
Bridgette: When we hit the record button, we’re really trying to talk to women of a certain age, about life and experiences, and sharing stories, and having a conversation, and really want to make it a funny podcast about life in mid-life.
Colleen: Right. And, we are not experts, and it’s for maybe life after the kids have left, but you’re not quite ready to retire, but you could have retired if you wanted to.
Christine: Thanks for what you do.
Colleen: Thank you.
Christine: Thanks for being here. All right.
Deirdre: I’m Deidre Nolan Nesline. My podcast is Magnificent Aging. It is not explicit at all, and when I hit record, I’m speaking to people 50 and over, who have challenges with the aging process. I want to help them find the joy in it and support, so that they know that they’re not alone in this can-be difficult time in their lives.
Christy: Hi, I’m Christy Maguire of the Forties Stories podcast. It is not an explicit show. When I hit record, I am talking to women in and around their 40’s, who are curious about what their fellow 40-somethings are thinking, feeling, and doing as they navigate mid-life, as well as those looking for support or inspiration. We are here for you.
Christine: Very good interviewer, by the way. Yes.
Christy: Thank you, Christine.
Christine: Yes. You’re welcome. A very comforting voice.
Deirdre: I feel like I’ve been lulled into a calm meditative state. Which is ironic for my podcast.
Elaine: Hi, I am Elaine Best, and my podcast is Angus Eye Tea, that’s Angus like the cow, Eye like the body part, and Tea like the drink. My podcast is explicit, and when I hit record, I am talking to people who have anxiety or depression, or whatever level of mental health. We just try to have a lot of fun, laugh at our problems, and just support one another and try to break the stigma around mental health.
Christine: Here’s what I love about Elaine’s podcast. Mom’s, in particular, whether it’s you with anxiety, or your child with anxiety, I think to hear from somebody who’s been through it, is very helpful. So, if you’re okay with the explicit, definitely check it out, ‘cause she is hysterical.
Elaine: Thank you. Thank you.
Christine: We’re going to add a little part in here, that Terri and I are going to talk about She Podcasts Live. I’m still like baby podcaster. I’m almost on year one. Terri’s about to go live any second.
Terri: Yeah. Within, hopefully two weeks.
Christine: I don’t know about Terri, me being here, me having a podcast, I wouldn’t have a podcast if it wasn’t for the information I’ve gotten from Jessica and Elsie on She Podcasts podcasts and the feed, with Rob.
Terri: On Libsyn, yeah.
Christine: On Libsyn. Because they tell us to do stuff like go through Auphonic and set it to something, and I have no idea what they’re talking about, I just do it, and it’s magic.
Terri: Yeah. And, Emily, who is Emily Prokop, whose been such an amazing resource and has been helping out with She Podcasts Live.
Terri: She’s been an amazing thing, and I’ve never to a conference in my life, and this is kind of part of what this podcast for me is, is challenging myself to do things I’ve never done, and going to a conference by myself, knowing zero people. I’m pretty extroverted, as you probably have guessed.
Christine: Yes. Terri is.
Terri: But it’s still incredibly overwhelming.
Christine: It’s a lot.
Terri: Incredibly, I’m like, I’m here for it.
Christine: I know, like 400 percent. What’s interesting is, honestly, I don’t even know how I can say this right. It’s the one place I’ve been with so much estrogen, and so much uplift at the same time. I have not felt that ever before in my life.
Terri: No. There’s not been a single person I’ve met, who hasn’t been willing to somehow bring me along, or ask for something, or give something, and it’s been kind of magical, I have to say.
Christine: It has beeen magical. Just that we’re here, right now.
Terri: Yes. Yes.
Christine: It’s so much fun.
Terri: Listening to our voices on this spectacular platform. Holy mackerel.
Terri: Wow. It’s been great. Tell me more about how you got started? Well, no, because we’re talking, and your listeners know all about it, but I’m like, “So, tell me, Christine…” but the podcast part of it, why?
Christine: I started a podcast because I love podcasts.
Terri: Okay. Me too.
Christine: Even though our demographic generally aren’t podcast listeners, I didn’t realize that going into it because I’ve been a podcast listener for so long, so that’s very interesting.
Terri: Me, too.
Christine: I guess I’d want to say if there’s a woman out there, my podcast is not about creating podcasts, obviously, but if there is a woman listening to this, who wants to know more about it, please feel free to reach out to me, or any of the women on this show. I’m sure we’d be more than happy to talk to you, because this is an incredible experience. To have the courage and the bravery to first of all, create it —
Terri: I have chills.
Christine: — come up with a concept —
Terri: I have chills right now.
Christine: Cool. And then, actually do it. Because the first episode is horrifying, and you know it’s out there forever.
Terri: Cringe, cringe, cringe.
Christine: I mean, yeah, you can change it, but it’s there, and to just do it, because you can’t help people if you don’t take the steps. If you have an idea for a podcast, or a website, or a career, just do it. Do it for you. Do it for future you.
Terri: One of the big takeaways from this whole event has been your voice matters.
Terri: Your voice does matter, and as an older woman, I’m in my mid-50’s and I think a lot of your listeners are probably in their 40’s and they’re headed that way, and our voices matter. Having our voice as a leading voice, or as an aspirational, or as a “come with me,” that means so much right now. It’s been such an incredible moment meeting you.
Terri: I know, I’m like, “Oh…”
Christine: We’re just going to cry now, and our times probably up, but thank you for listening.
Terri: Thank you for having me here.
Terri: This was a great experience. Thank you.
Christine: Oh, my gosh. Thank you. Thank you, Ladies.
Connie: Thank you.
Colleen: Thanks for having us.
Christy: Thank you, Christine. Love your show. Thanks for all you do to support women, and women in mid-life. It’s really a service to everyone.
Christine: Thank you. It’s just, we all should lift each other up. We’re stronger together.
Christy: Christine has been so sweet, she adopted me this weekend. I’m a hopeless mess, and she’s been so great. If she can help me, she can help you.
Colleen: She’s kind of pied piper.
Christy: Oh, yes. So true. Yeah.
Christine: I need a new theme song.
Christy: I did play the oboe in high school, so you just let me know.
Christine: I invite you to check out one or all of these amazing ladies today. As always, you’ll find their social media handles and where to connect with them to this and every episode on my website: youremptynestcoach.com. Thanks for listening, my friend. Remember, you are amazing!
Just in case you were wondering, I revert to autopilot some days. Gasp! Yes, it is true. I appreciate it when I notice these days and can move forward quickly. I love the work, and I believe in it one hundred percent, but I believe I must provide you with proper warnings on what you may expect when you do this work.
This work will always be in our lives, and in this episode, I talk a bit about why it isn’t easy.
Take a listen or read the full transcript below.
⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll all the way down ⇓ so you don’t miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓
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Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 45: Why is This Work so Difficult? … Here we are at episode number 45. Over the last 44 episodes, I’ve shared ideas, thoughts and analogies to assist you in leveling up in your life. As you level up, you’ll sit in the simmer at a variety of times, and in different ways, as you move forward. If
00:00:00 Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 45: Why is This Work so Difficult? This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that has been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you, and it is freaking you out. I’ve been there and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
00:00:40 Hello, my future empty nest friend! I’m recording this episode about two weeks before it goes live, and as I sit here, I’m oneweek out from attending the inaugural She Podcasts Live conference, held in Atlanta, Georgia, this year. The best part of that trip is that my drive to Atlanta will allow me to visit briefly with my daughter, as her school happens to be along my route. This was actually a deciding factor in my drive versus fly decision. Of course, I’m all good with her being in college, and multiple states away, but I sure do enjoy our visits, even quick ones like we’ll have this week, or I guess I should say, that we had, for when you listen to this.
00:01:24 If your child is in college, how are you doing with that? On another note, did you catch my Quick Tips episode a few weeks back? I would love to know what you think of it. Here is the honest truth, there are a couple of sections where, when I listen to it, I think, “my pacing’s off there,” and it took some serious self-coaching work to allow myself to put it out there. It’s so funny what we will easily talk ourselves out of. In the end, I knew I didn’t have time to rerecord and I wanted it out more than not out. So, there you have it.
00:02:20 Here we are at episode number 45. Over the last 44 episodes, I’ve shared ideas, thoughts and analogies to assist you in leveling up in your life. As you level up, you’ll sit in the simmer at a variety of times, and in different ways, as you move forward. If you have been incorporating what I share into your life, I want to warn you of a couple things. One is that just when you start to get the hang of it, it will get tough again.
00:02:52 Two is that this work is your work, not your partner’s work, or your child’s work, or your co-workers work. It is yourwork. I’m going to dive into this one first. As you work on yourself, you’ll begin to notice the behavior that you used to have in others, specifically, the thoughts people share with you out loud that they easily could change. It isn’t your job to train them or fix them. It is your job to work on yourself. When they are obviously controlled by thought deliveries that they have no idea are optional, it is time for you to check your own thought deliveries about the situation you are in. Do you like your thoughts? If not, try connecting to the now and make friends with it. See episode number 44 for more on that. Pause your thought deliveries. Feel your feet on the floor. Touch your hands or fingers together, to connect with your body. Notice the smells, sounds, and images your mind is choosing to see at that moment. Can you maybe see more details of what’s around you?
00:04:01 See how that helps. Of course, first you need to notice that you are overcome with thought deliveries. I’ll be honest, I had a hard time with one of these lately. It is intriguing to me what triggered it. It was mansplaining, a man who clearly did not consider women to be equal, and who generally is so wrapped up in who he is, that my thoughts kept going to, “Why am I wasting valuable time, in my life, listening to this man,” But, I had to, it was necessary in the moment.
00:04:32 I’d like to say that I managed those thought deliveries well. But as you can see, I didn’t. I let them fill up my house and I chose thoughts that made me feel annoyed over and over, and over again. Maybe this was important so that I could share with you today. It is the perfect example for this episode, after all, as I was not in control or even aware of my thought deliveries. I was completely unable to make friends with now. So, yes, the work became difficult again, or slowed, or pretty much stopped in that moment. It is crazy easy for me to think this work is way too difficult. I’m going to go back on auto pilot and live my life the way I used to.
00:05:16 I share all of this with you because I want you to know that I understand the struggle is real. The best thing we can do in these moments is to remember that we are leveling up, and we just hit a brand new level. Time to be thankful that we noticed it at all, and time to get to work again. Isn’t it fun? Is this where you ask me Christine, is it worth it? Well, that is a thought you need to figure out, my friend, for yourself.
00:05:48 Now back to the first warning that I had for you, which was others being uncomfortable with your change. This is real. Think about how people react when you change your outward appearance drastically. You’ll have some who are loving and supportive; some who are confused; some who are downright hostile; and everything in between. Some of these reactions and who they come from can be quite surprising. With this work, it is internal for you. They don’t see you eating different foods to lose weight; they don’t see you going to night school to work toward a new job. They might catch you working on a funny worksheet here or there but most of your work is not apparent to them. When you begin to react differently, they will be thrown. Expect this. Remember, our minds like to be comfortable.
00:06:43 Even if we don’t enjoy being yelled at, if someone typically behaves that way toward us, and then suddenly stops, as you have a thought delivery arriving, it is the one you always get. Let’s say that it is “I hate that they are always yelling at me.” But the delivery person doesn’t have any idea where to put it, because they started the thought delivery before you even reacted in a way that was different, which was not yelling. That, and a whole bunch of deliveries get stuck right at the door. It’s all clogged up. You can’t really go in or out, you’re clearly confused. You might have new deliveries pop in with new thoughts, but they make absolutely no sense, things like, they’re having an affair; they’re mad at me; they’re sick; and you may choose to look at some of them and react to the new thought delivery whether it makes sense or not. When you suddenly act different, their mind is trying to make sense of the change, and you may find some really interesting stories created about you, to make up for the change in you.
00:07:49 When you knowto expect this from others, you have the opportunity to be highly entertained by it all. Look, think about if that person was behaving in a similar manner toward you. Something they always did, suddenly stops. You would be confused too, because now you need to break a pattern of how you reacted to them. It becomes more mental work for you, even if the change in them could be viewed as a positive in your life. It’s so funny, really. We have all this going on in our minds. How do we even function in the external world? That, I believe, is the answer to why most people choose to never do the work of managing their thought deliveries.
00:08:28 Just as you start to feel really good about cleaning up your mind, don’t be surprised if you find the world around you gives you a whole bunch more thought deliveries to work on. The easy answer is to stop leveling up, walk off frustrated and go back to what you’ve been doing. It is always a choice you have. I ask you, though, how was that working for you? Or you can dig in deeper. Know you’ll be getting resistance. Choose to use it as your training ground for the next level, and press the start button again. Since we are going to have discomfort, either way, in our life, what if we go in knowing that and ready to level up?
00:09:06 Something that is helpful, is to have someone to work through it all with. Whether that someone is a coach like me, or if you and a friend purchase my program and work through it together, or listening to my podcast with a friend to discuss. Of course, there is always my Green Popsicle Sticks community, online. Yes, by the way, I was writing this episode for myself today. This work, my beautiful friend, is totally worth it. You are worth it.
00:09:36 The Questions I have for you in this episode are: have you experienced the push-back? And, how have you been handling the push-back and leveling up? I invite you to fly on over to our Facebook Group to share your answers to these questions with our amazing flock. Our name is Green Popsicle Sticks. Want to know why? Listen to episode number 17, or head to my website, youremptynestcoach.com/community for links to join our flock.
I know that the adjustment to not having your kiddos at home full-time isn’t always easy, but it sure can be a ton more fun with a flock of friends. We look forward to seeing you there!
Psst…my empty nest friend, did you know that I have an online program, “The Empty Nest: First Steps Towards Success.” I now also, offer GPS Reset Weekend Retreats, Unplugged and Charged Up, and that I am available for speaking engagements. For all the fun details, visit my website, or see this episodes full show notes. I am thrilled to travel, and I can’t wait to meet you.
00:10:39 As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. You’ll find the show notes for this, and every episode, on my website. My next episode’s title is: How do I Know When It’s Time to Stop Simmering?
Don’t forget to subscribe to this podcast, it is free and you’ll be notified when I post a new episode every Friday. If my show has helped you in any way, please share it with one other person you think it will help, too! You’ll be giving them a free gift! Thanks for your time and energy with that, and thanks so much for listening, my empty nest friend. Remember, you are amazing!
Eckhart Tolle Quote: To, “be okay with what is,” is the closest I could find in my search this morning to the “Make friends with now.” I’m sure I heard him say it and I understand it is in this book (Guardians of Being), but I forgot to save the link to the video where I heard him say the words, “Make friends with now.” Please let me know if you find it. I was on quite a search this morning which allowed me to watch more Eckhart videos (ahh – so good!) So, he says close to this in this video and it is One of my favorite Eckhart Tolle videos of all time – the opening question is the best! – it is no longer available. 😪
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 44: Make Friends With Now – What I’ve Learned From Eckhart Tolle. Lately, I’ve been all in on reading, listening to, and watching, on YouTube, the work of Eckhart Tolle. A dear friend gave me his books, “The Power of Now” and “A New Earth” and much of the books are now underlined, circled, circled with stars around it, highlighted and more.
00:00:00 Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 44: Make Friends With Now – What I’ve Learned From Eckhart Tolle. This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that has been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it is freaking you out. I’ve been there and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
00:00:44 Hello, my future empty nest friend. Lately, I’ve been all in on reading, listening to, and watching, on YouTube, the work of Eckhart Tolle. A dear friend gave me his books, “The Power of Now” and “A New Earth” and much of the books are now underlined, circled, circled with stars around it, highlighted and more. Today, I want to share with you the most valuable thing his words opened my mind to hear, and how it has impacted my life. I kind of feel like I’m earning my girl pants with this current work.
00:01:40 I’d like for you to picture a garage. In this garage are two vehicles. One is under a tarp, and you have no idea what is under there. It has been under that tarp as long as you can remember. You aren’t exactly sure what it is, but who has time to look? The other vehicle is your car. It is well worn. The air conditioning doesn’t work. The steering is rough and you feel every bump as you drive down the road, but you’re comfortable with it. It is the kind of car that you spend the entire time tense because you are continually reacting to every bump in the road. You know those drives, where your shoulders are continually tense? Do you have this image? Okay. We’ll come back to it.
00:02:23 Now, to Eckhart Tolle. If you are an avid Opra listener or watcher, then this name is not new to you, as Eckhart’s books, “The Power of Now” is one of her seven super soulful reads and “A New Earth” is in her book club. The work I have done up until now, on myself, and that I share with you, has been a gift that has clearly shown me that my thoughts don’t have to control me. Just because a thought enters my mind, doesn’t mean I need to entertain it. The work to get to this point, has hugely impacted my life. I think I was ready for the next level in my life, and while listening to Eckhart speak on Oprah’s YouTube video (I’ll put a link in the show notes, because there are a few) he said, “Make friends with now.” He speaks much about presence, but for some reason those for words “make friends with now” really struck a chord with me. Make friends with now.
00:03:26 It doesn’t mean that you want to stay where you are. It means you accept where you are, and choose not to resist it. The resisting of the present moment is what creates our unhappiness. If this isn’t your first listen to an episode of mine, you know that I’m all about thoughts and being conscious of them. While, up until now, I realized that I could change my thought about a current situation, the idea of making friends with the now really leveled me up a bit. It makes sense.
00:03:55 As Eckhart says, “You don’t have to believe me, just try it next time something frustrates you.” If these words resonate with you like they did for me, try it as your new mantra for a week or so. Make friends with now. After a few weeks of trying the idea in my life, I’m a huge fan of this. Oh, sure, I have moments where I get caught up in the drama of a situation, but I’m becoming so used to being friends with the now, that when I’m clearly not making friends with the now, I feel the difference drastically in my life, even in my body. It’s kind of cool.
00:04:33 Eckhart speaks of the shift that happens in your life when you move toward this. The shift for me feels like there are two ways in life. Either way, I’m living life, but one way, I’m in a car that is made for the type of driving I’m doing. I’m present enough to see the potholes and distractions. I notice them, accept them, and adjust if I need to. Whereas, the other way, now, for me, feels like, sure, I’m in my car that I got out of the garage, heading to a destination, but I’m off-roading in a vehicle that is not meant to off-road. Bumps, holes, stumps and any chance of having a peaceful journey is gone because all I can do is react to the circumstances, and with each circumstance that I choose to resist, I get less peaceful and more reactive.
00:05:20 Either way, we are on life’s journey. Either way, we experience things that we aren’t expecting, but one journey brings peace and another leads to potential road rage. Road rage in life. My empty nest friend, if you are sitting in the simmer, while making friends with now, you open yourself to tapping into energy that wouldn’t exist otherwise. By choosing to make friends with now, you gain a clarity and peace that doesn’t exist when you are in a reactive mode. You also may find your ability to focus and get things done to be greatly improved. Since I really embraced making friends with now, my productivity has improved tremendously. What’s amazing is that’s never even been a problem for me, and I’m kind of like through the roof on it, now.
00:06:13 I’m highly present whether I’m working on an email to podcast guest, updating the schedule for my day job’s boss, or scripting out the next podcast episode. I feel like I’m going a little meta here. You can witness me working on this in my solo hike in the woods in episode number 42, where I was really working on presence.
00:06:34 When you grasp in your mind that the one and only constant in your life is the present moment, it is almost as if you find that the keys to that car ride, smooth on the highway, have been available to you all the time. Let’s go back to the garage image I walked you through earlier. Remember I said that there’s a vehicle under a tarp? Imagine that you’ve just took the tarp off to find a vehicle that is meant for off-roading. It is a smooth ride, on the highway and off the road.
00:07:09 Guess what? The keys are right there in the car. You had this available to you all the time. What? I know. What you do from here is all up to you. You may drive either car through life. It is your choice. Believe it or don’t believe it, but why not try it? Try it out if you haven’t already. What do you have to lose? To dive more into this, I recommend Eckhart Tolle’s books, “The Power of Now” and “A New Earth.” He speaks of three modalities of awakened doing, acceptance, enjoyment, and enthusiasm. You should get that directly from Eckhart, though, and if you are up for finding him on YouTube, he has the most adorable laugh. It is peaceful. Try making friends with now. I invite you to notice the beautiful things about your now, that you would miss if you were thinking about the past, what should have happened, or the future, the made up story of what might be. Try it. Experiment with it, and let me know how it goes.
00:08:15 I thought I would give you one personal example of making friends with now, in what would seem a trivial moment. I enter passwords so many times in a day, into different applications. Sometimes I enter the wrong password multiple times. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I found myself retrying a password four or five times. In my defense, my one-password password is long and involved on purpose, but when I’m in a rush to open whatever it is, that I’m about to open, and not focused on the entering of my password, the presence of the current moment, and making friends with now, I just make mistakes. I now use this as a time to remember to be present, and I have been entering my passwords on the first try consistently. Can you believe it?
00:09:05 It felt painfully slow at first, I’ll be honest. But I’m more productive in the long run, I’m not losing any time. I really like that presence. To paraphrase Eckhart, quality comes from presence in the moment of creation. I feel that deeply right now. Try being more present when you put your keys down. Maybe you’ll remember where they are. How about when you leave a room, did you leave that light on? It is quite possible that if you were making friends with the now, in that moment, you might know now. I think I have a few more things to try.
00:09:47 The questions I have for you in this episode are: are you already familiar with Eckhart Tolle? And, does make friends with now resonate with you? One more thing, would you be interested in doing an online book club through Eckhart’s “Books With Me”? It sounds like a fun idea, but I’d actually like to know if there’s an interest before I start to go there.
00:10:31 Psst…my empty nest friend, did you know that I have an online program, “The Empty Nest: First Steps Towards Success.” I now also, offer GPS Reset Weekend Retreats, “Unplugged and Charged Up,” and that I am available for speaking engagements. For all the fun details, visit my website, or see this episodes full show notes. I am thrilled to travel, and I can’t wait to meet you!
00:10:59 I know that the adjustment to not having your kiddos at home full-time isn’t always easy, but it sure can be a ton more fun with a flock of friends. We look forward to seeing you there. As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. You’ll find the show notes for this and every episode on my website. My next episode’s title is “Why is This Work so Difficult?”
Don’t forget to subscribe to this podcast. It is free and you’ll be notified when I post a new episode every Friday. If my show has helped you in any way, please share it with one other person you think it will help, too. You’ll be giving them a free gift. Thanks for your time and energy with that, and thanks so much for listening, my empty nest friend. Remember, you are amazing!
Warning: I have some tough love in this episode, today.
I shared in my Green Popsicle Sticks Facebook group that I almost changed today’s topic because I thought it could be a bit be too much tough love. But then I changed my thought to, “Someone needs to hear this right now – from me!”
May you be ready to listen to this one. I share it with you with BIG virtual hugs.
Take a listen or read the full transcript below.
⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll all the way down ⇓ so you don’t miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓
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Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 43: Are You Living Your Life as a Victim? … There is a little bit of tough love in this episode.
00:00:00 Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 43: Are You Living Your Life as a Victim? This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that has been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it is freaking you out. I’ve been there and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
00:00:40 Hello, my future empty nest friend. There is a little bit of tough love in this episode. I shared in my Green Popsicle Sticks Facebook group that I almost changed today’s topic because I thought it could be a bit too much tough love, but then, I changed my thought to someone needs to hear this right now, from me, and got back to work. One of our GPS members said on my post, “This is tough love, but it is so worth the work, and we are worth it.” She is right. It is tough work. I say this all the time and I’m not sure everyone I talk to believes me. At first glance it seems easy, really easy. I mean, change your thought, and then your feeling changes. Sounds pretty straight forward, doesn’t it? It’s not. It takes a lot of leveling up to get good at this.
00:01:28 Before I get too far in today’s topic, a quick reminder that all of my episodes are brought to you by my free seven-day program, “The Empty Nest: A Guide to Uncovering My Future.” To be clear, we are talking about your future, not mine. Hop on over to my website, youremptynestcoach.com and sign up today. Look for the link that says “Uncover Your Future.”
00:01:52 My friend, are you living your life as the victim? Does nothing go your way? Do you have plans for your day that are continually thrown off course by things outside of your control, that you allow to impact your thoughts and feelings? Do you feel others are out to get you? Take a deep breath, my friend, and you might want to take another breath. None of us go through life without being thrown off course, without things that we never would have expected to happen, happen, without experiencing hardship, experiencing trauma, experiencing loss.
00:02:31 The question becomes, who are you when those moments happen? Are you a human who is sad, upset or angry due to the thoughts you have chosen to have about what happened? It is possible that feeling makes sense and you are processing through it. Or are you sad, upset or angry because just like everything else in your life, things went this way? Can you tell the difference? You may need to go back and listen to that again.
00:02:59 In the first version, the human notices the emotion and processes through it. Another human might have noticed the emotion, and recognized that it is incongruent with what just happened to her, so she just lets that thought, caused by the emotion, go on by her. In my box delivery analogy for your thoughts, she notices the thought delivery, but steps aside and lets it move straight out the back door. Don’t get me wrong, really awful things happen in life, and feeling sad or angry are just a couple of the emotions that may be worth processing through at times.
00:03:35 When we continually play the victim in the story of our life, when we choose that identity, even, and usually, unconsciously, something outside of you isn’t causing that. Another human isn’t causing that. You are creating that narrative. I know, I know. I told you this is tough love. I share it with you because I care about you, and I want to see you level up in your life in a way that you may not know is available to you. It is there, you just need to use it and it all starts by noticing your thoughts, by noticing the story that you tell yourself and others.
00:04:16 A quick side note, when I say victim in this episode, I’m not speaking of the legal term victim, meant for crimes where you would, hopefully, go to court to resolve things as you should. Even with that, the resolution may or may not go the way you expect and again, what is the story you want to tell about it? That story, you have full control over. Some of us in this world wake up every day and allow thought deliveries to arrive that begin our day with the idea that the world is against us, that everyone is out to get us, no matter what we do. We won’t be treated well. Who is allowing those thought deliveries? Who, in that moment, when you wake up, is making you the victim? My friend, it’s you. One hundred percent, you. You may be allowing thought deliveries for events that have happened way in your past, too. What do you do? Be curious as to why you are being so unkind to yourself. Why are you allowing these thoughts to create your feelings? Why are you allowing yourself to relive something over and over in such an unkind way?
00:05:28 You could just as easily notice the thoughts and allow them to pass by, giving them no credit at all. Like I said earlier, let them head on out the back door. If you continue to think of yourself as a victim, then you are allowing that thought delivery in your life over and over again. You are being a bully to yourself. Right? As humans, we are wired to do this, so don’t beat yourself up about it. Think about it. There are people who go through the same exact circumstances, who tell their story a totally different way.
00:06:04 Actually, I encourage you to listen to Michele’s story in episode number 38, if you haven’t already, for a great example of this. When you declare yourself a victim, understand that you are choosing, in that moment, in the present, to give control of your feelings to experience that might have happened in the past, or might happen in the future. Are you happy with the choice of playing the victim? Sometimes, you are the victim of a person who no longer thinks about you, or is no longer on this earth. Now, don’t beat yourself up for having thoughts such as these. Simply take a look at them, and be willing to be curious about them. When you are on autopilot, and aren’t conscious of the thoughts, you allow your mind to go wherever it wants to go. By choosing to not notice your thought deliveries, you, in a way, choose to be controlled by wherever your thoughts lead you, and if it is to a victim mode, you are giving full responsibility of your feelings to that story.
00:07:07 If your child doesn’t do what you ask them to do, and you allow that to frustrate you, you are allowing your child’s actions to control your emotions. Another mother might not have been frustrated by the same thing. Christine, are you telling me I should never be frustrated by my child? Wouldn’t that be lovely? No. What I am saying is to be aware that your child isn’t frustrating you. Your thoughts about their actions is what’s frustrating you, and to be conscious of that.
00:07:42 It all can change by becoming aware of your thoughts, and being curious as to why you go there. That is the start. This is the beginning to a lot of important work in your life. You are worth this work. I invite you to listen to episode number 3 for more on thought deliveries. Now, in an effort not to muddy the waters any more than I already have, I’m going to stop there for today. How are you doing?
00:08:09 My next episode’s title is Make friends with Now – What I’ve learned from Eckhart Tolle. This one may also help you notice your thought deliveries, and a side note, I may have already mentioned this in a prior episode, but have you watched Brene Brown’s netflix special yet? If you haven’t, I highly recommend it.
00:08:29 The questions I have for you in this episode are: do you play the victim role in the story of your life? And, are you on autopilot with your thought deliveries? I invite you to fly on over to our Facebook group to share your answers to these questions with our amazing flock. Our name is Green Popsicle Sticks. Want to know why? Listen to episode number 17, or head to my website, youremptynestcoach.com/community for links to join our flock. I know the adjustment to not having your kiddos at home full-time isn’t always easy, but it sure can be a ton more fun with a flock of friends. We look forward to seeing you there.
00:09:09 Oh, my goodness, did you hear? I have an online program, “The Empty Nest: First Steps Towards Success.” I now offer GPS Reset Weekend retreats, Unplugged and Charged Up, and I am available for speaking engagements. Seriously, what are you waiting for? Visit my website or see this episode’s full show notes.
00:09:36 As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. You’ll find the show notes for this and every episode on my website. Don’t forget to subscribe to this podcast. It is free and you’ll be notified when I post a new episode every Friday. If my show has helped you in any way, please share it with one other person you think it will help, too. You’ll be giving them a free gift. Thanks for your time and energy with that, and thanks so much for listening, my empty nest friend. Remember, you are amazing!
Hello, my beautiful friend. Whaaaat? I’m in your feed on a Tuesday? Yes! …
It’s Quick Tip Tuesday with Coach Christine
Hello, my beautiful friend. Whaaaat? I’m in your feed on a Tuesday? Yes! This is a trial run of an idea I have for 2020 which would include some of my favorite guests’ tips. I thought I would give it a try, today to work out the technicalities and see how well it comes together – let me know what you think!
Today’s tips are all from me.
Quick Tip #1 My friend, today (October 1, 2019) is the day that the 2020-2021 FAFSA is available for filing. F (as in Free) A as in (Application) F as in Federal S as in Student and A as in Aid yes, that is what it stands for: % Free Application for Federal Student Aid % FAFSA. Say it with me FAFSA. If you have been through the FAFSA filing process, I encourage you to find someone who hasn’t and who needs to do it and tell them to do it – or at least explain to them that it opens today and they should get it on their to do list – share the quick tip with another. Who needs to fill this out? Students and Parents who are planning on attending college in 2020-2021. Yes, my friend, this is an annual event for college families – and while the initials are intimidating – this is all about money and college so if you are one of these families, it is time to learn about the FAFSA, if you haven’t already – and complete the application!
Quick Tip #2 is tips on texting your child. There was a great article on the Grown and Flown blog, that shares how we, as parents, stress our kids out when we text them – in particular by using punctuation. Don’t ever put ellipses in a text – be clear on what you are thinking – and stay away from periods! Ack – that one is tough for me.
Quick Tip #3 is to remember that you are amazing. Check your thoughts and be curious about them. Are you being kind to yourself? If you wouldn’t say it to a loved one out loud, don’t say it to yourself silently in your head. Try this one on: “I am a strong woman.” Look in the mirror and say it to yourself five – no, try ten times – just in case it takes you five times to get the words out well.
That’s all for this Tuesday, my empty nest friend.
Links are in my show notes, as always. And I’ll be back on Friday with an episode titled” Are you living your life as a victim?” – a little tough love coming your way.
But for today, today you are going to crush by using the thoughts in your mind for YOU instead of against you, you gorgeous woman – now go be amazing!
You are preparing for the empty nest ahead as your child(ren) prepares, heads off to, and experiences college.
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