Empty Nest Success Evangelist specializing in coaching mothers entering the empty nest. ★ Master Motivator ★ Podcast Host ★ Together we'll channel your freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy! ~ Christine, Your Empty Nest Coach
136: The Daily Experiment - When You Worry About Re-Grieving a Lost Child
Hello, my amazing friend!
Coach Christine,
Your Empty Nest Coach
"Emotions may arise and that’s okay - you’re strong enough to get through them. Then you’ll begin to take inventory on the thoughts - I call those thoughts your thought-deliveries. And for each one you’re going to ask yourself: “Is it true?” “Do I love this thought (or do I even like it)?” Consider if there is a way to adjust the thought in a way that allows you to show up better for yourself and the world now?"
Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.
⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓
Check out @emptynestcoach 's episode When you worry about grieving a lost child:
Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #136. If you are new here, know that I tend to use terms I’ve used in prior episodes - should you feel a bit lost when this happens, I invite you to use my show notes for a list of earlier episodes to get caught up! High-level, I’m all about coaching you to become the CEO of Your Life and in my world, CEO stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up
[level-up music]
your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.
I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. Here we go…
00:00:40
Quick reminders: I’m in the midst of super short daily episodes to combat a busy time in my life. For the details on that check out episode #135. You’ll find the answer to all of your questions, where I’ve been and more on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com. I love feedback on the episodes and if you enjoy this, don’t forget to subscribe or follow in your favorite podcast player. SupaPass who powers our online community - that’s coming soon - is our fabulous episode sponsor.
00:01:08
[computer game level up music (short)]
Ask Coach Christine
I received this sobering question in my TikTok DMs. Tameria did give me permission to share her name, her question (although I did generalize it a bit), and my response to her. Here was Tameria’s initial question to me:
I’m listening to your podcast and enjoying it! I have a situation that I was wondering if you have dealt with. My first child died at a young age (cancer). My other child is a junior and I feel anxiety that I will re-grieve my first child while adjusting to the empty nest. Have you discussed bereaved parents on your podcast?
00:01:42
My response?
Thank you for reaching out Tameria. I have not covered this on my podcast thus far but you are the third person to ask me about this in the last couple of months so let me say a few words about it.
First of all, I don’t have words to express how sorry I am for your loss. Whether it was two weeks ago or twenty years ago. I can’t imagine anything more painful than losing a child. I personally have not experienced this myself, so I can only offer what I do when coaching any happening in our life - it is first to know you are strong enough to feel your emotions when they pop-in, and also know that you’ll get to the other side of them.
Use those top of your C.E.O. toolbox items when the emotions begin to feel overwhelming: the hobbies that make you happy, the self-care routines that allow you to escape a bit - whatever those are for you. You can try adding “and that’s okay” to the end of statements you make in your mind - for example: “I miss my child... and that’s okay.” “I wish my child would have been able to experience this... and that’s okay I feel that way.”
Try those until you are in a place where you can do a little bit more thought-work. When you do feel you are ready for the next step, take out a piece of paper and write down all of the thoughts you are thinking. Give yourself a five minute timer if it helps.
Emotions may arise and that’s okay - you’re strong enough to get through them.
Then you’ll begin to take inventory on the thoughts - I call those thoughts your thought-deliveries. And for each one you’re going to ask yourself:
“Is it true?”
“Do I love this thought (or do I even like it)?”
Consider if there is a way to adjust the thought in a way that allows you to show up better for yourself and the world now?
One warning: be cautious of the “should have” statements that tend to pop-up as those are usually indicators that you aren’t accepting a truth about where you are now.
For example: “My child should have been able to experience this.” Honestly, yes, they absolutely should have. I won’t argue that for a moment. However, if you continually focus on thoughts like these and spin on them, you don’t get to move into then thoughts like, “My child would have loved this, and I will enjoy it for them” - those types of thoughts.
I realize, also, I am saying this as if it’s easy.
None of this work is easy - even without adding a child’s early passing into the mix, so please give yourself grace, patience and kindness as you mourn, or when re-mourning moments pop-up. It’s okay when they do. You’ve got this.
Also remember that when you keep thought-deliveries in your mind about how you might feel in the future, when your other child heads to college, in a way you are already living in it as if it’s already true. And with that, find things that help you to be present in your life now.
Continue to give yourself grace as you check your thoughts, and bump up those self-care things you love when things get really rough. It’s okay.
Should this topic be something you have on your mind, I’d be honored to work with you.
Thank you for your question and the permission to share it Tameria. You definitely aren’t alone and I am looking forward to an exciting future for you. Your child who passed would want that for you, too!
Now, my listener, ff you have a question you want me to focus on in an upcoming episode, use that google voice number 1-920-LIFEWIN. You may also do what Tameria did and DM me. I do consider all submissions.
And with that - I’ll be back tomorrow with a mother’s day message.
Be sure to check your feed every day for the next week or so, and DEFINITELY let me know what you think of these shorter episodes, my empty nest friend.
135: The Daily Experiment, Your Empty Nest Coach Style: My Wish For You Today & New Things
Hello, my amazing friend!
Coach Christine,
Your Empty Nest Coach
"My amazing friend, my wish for you today is that you are able to take time for you for something that you’ve been putting off. Whether it is a hair appointment, a doctor appointment or a walk in the park, may you easily be able to schedule that time for yourself today and may it give you energy to do another thing or two that you haven’t been making the time for. Those little things feel good, don’t they?"
Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.
⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓
Check out @emptynestcoach 's episode of the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast (the daily experiment):
Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #135. If you are new here, know that I tend to use terms I’ve used in prior episodes - should you feel a bit lost when this happens, I invite you to use my show notes for a list of earlier episodes to get caught up! High-level, I’m all about coaching you to become the CEO of Your Life and in my world, CEO stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up
[level-up music]
your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.
I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. Here we go…
[happy music under voiceover]
This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest -
00:00:52
[Vinyl Record Scratch]
Your exhausted from your move hotline, this is Sally, how may I help you?
Hi, Sally, this is Coach Christine. It’s Friday morning and I don’t have my episode edited for the day. I only have a couple of hours to pull this off and it isn’t enough time, what should I do?
I see… you know we always start here with “take a deep breath.”
[keys click]
Can you skip the episode?
Well, I could, absolutely, but I already moved my episodes to every other week, and while I do have a lot going on in my life right now, not releasing anything is tough.
Hmmm…
[keys click]
You could try releasing a super short episode. Maybe you can break the episode you have into smaller bits and release it over the next few weeks…
That’s a great idea. I’ll release short ones daily and see how that goes.
I didn’t say daily...that’s your idea.
I know. I’m a stubborn overachiever. My listeners already know this, and I have no idea what that will look like but I’m gonna give it a try. Hmm.. that does mean I need to get back in my podvan studio to record things again but I am curious about this because, while I did daily episodes back in 2020, those were full episodes. That was a bit much. This COULD work.
Thanks Sally!
Would you like me to file a report?
No thanks, I’m all good.
00:02:13
[level-up music]
My listener, so, here’s the situation, I have a full script. I’ve recorded it but haven’t edited it, and I was incredibly tired so what should have been a 22-minute recording session turned into 45-minutes that I need to edit through. I definitely can’t pull that off today but I can pull off a five-minute or less episode and it might be fun to try this for a week (or so) - see how it goes.
I’m going to use this episode as our starting point, so if you are new here… I guess I should play my full intro. If you’re not new here, go ahead and fast forward through this. Oh, and today is Friday, May 7th, 2021. Here we go!
[happy music under voiceover]
This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest - or possibly a student who's wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally (the hotline video operator), popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan!
[end happy music]
00:03:19
Quick reminders: you’ll find the answer to all of your questions, where I’ve been and more on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com. I love feedback on the episodes and if you enjoy this, don’t forget to subscribe in your favorite podcast player. SupaPass who powers our online community - that’s coming soon - is our fab episode sponsor.
00:03:40
My amazing friend, how well are you managing your thought-deliveries? Are you especially watching those that are about you? You know the ones… I can’t do this, I’m too old, I can’t let go of this thing, well, I’m not capable of what she is capable of. Yeah, those thought-deliveries - the ones about you - these are the ones we want to pay the most attention to because these have the power to shut everything else you are working on down. You may decide some are worth keeping and others - they’re not needed at all. Be sure to take inventory periodically. Sometimes we need to do those minute by minute. Those thought-deliveries that aren’t needed, let them go - either return them to sender or let them pass you by.
00:04:28
[computer game level up music (short)]
My Wish for You Today
My amazing friend, my wish for you today is that you are able to take time for you for something that you’ve been putting off. Whether it is a hair appointment, a doctor appointment or a walk in the park, may you easily be able to schedule that time for yourself today and may it give you energy to do maybe another thing or two that you haven’t been making the time for. Those little things feel good, don’t they?
00:04:56
[computer game level up music (short)]
New Things. New Things. New Things!
Well, we’ve moved! As this was not our first move, everything went fairly smoothly, and no major surprises popped up. Although, I’m well aware, I may need to back off on the social promotion of this episode, so I can catch up on some sleep and feel a bit more settled in my new routine. The good news is I’m enjoying this journey even at 4:20 am with little sleep and packing up my laptop to record in my podvan. Right now, I’m incredibly thankful that I set up my van to do this. I just posted on my new Instagram account specifically for the podvan: it’s called podvan adventures. I figured some of you aren’t really interested in that but for those of you who are, there’s an account for it.
The reason I’m so thankful is that there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that recording in our new residence would be difficult at best.
And of course, in other new-things news - or as a reminder - there are my private coaching spots. I have two spots remaining in May. If you are a regular listener, you already know that in the Your Empty Nest Coach part of my life, my private coaching clients are top tier - they’re my absolute favorites. We have weekly private zoom calls, I send you resources, and you have a line of communication with me between sessions. It’s so much fun, and I’d love to work with you!
And with that - I’ll be back tomorrow with a bit of tough subject - a listener, Tameria, asked about re-grieving a child she lost to cancer. I’ll share what I told her in tomorrow’s episode.
Be sure to check your feed every day for the next week or so, and DEFINITELY let me know what you think of these new shorter episodes, my empty nest friend.
134: Why the Destination Matters More Than the Path (Why We Are Moving), Your Wins & More
Hello, my amazing friend!
Coach Christine,
Your Empty Nest Coach
"The most important thing to remember is that your college student - if they actually made it to campus - has changed. It could be a big or small change, but they are not the same student who left last time, and they are definitely not the same child that lived in your house at age 10, 12, 14, etc., so your now emerging adult deserves to have the opportunity to show who they are now."
Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.
⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓
Check out @emptynestcoach 's episode of the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast (why the destination matters more than the path):
Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #134. If you are new here, know that I tend to use terms I’ve introduced in prior episodes - should you feel a bit lost when this happens, I invite you to use my show notes for a list of earlier episodes to get caught up! High-level, I’m all about coaching you to become the CEO of Your Life and in my world, CEO stands for Conscious Effective Olympian.
In this episode, I talk about the why for my family’s upcoming move, we talk about how to prepare for college breaks, and of course, we are celebrating our wins and more!
I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode, today. Here we go.
[happy music under voiceover]
This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest - or possibly a student who's wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally (the hotline video operator), popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan!
[end happy music]
00:01:14
My amazing friend, did you get a chance to listen to my last episode where I interviewed a client of mine? I can’t thank Jennifer enough for the time she made to share with us.
As a reminder, you may submit feedback, questions or comments to any section of these episodes by leaving me a message (text or audio) - on my google voice number: That’s 1-920-LIFEWIN or (920-543-3946). Of course, you’ll find that in my show notes, too, if you’re looking for it later.
All of my offerings, podcast show notes, transcriptions of the episodes, and more can be found on my website: Your Empty Nest Coach dot com.
00:01:56
[computer game level up music (short)]
I’m thrilled to share with you that this podcast episode is sponsored by SupaPass. SupaPass enables creatives to have a slick Netflix-style platform with a modern & easy-to-use feel, making it easy to browse resources. SupaPass powers our Empty Nest Success online community which is coming soon! A special thanks to SupaPass for providing a space for our empty nest flock to fly to!
00:02:18
[computer game level up music (short)]
My Wish for You Today
My amazing friend, my wish for you today is that you are present enough in your day today to notice something you wouldn’t have otherwise. Whether it be someone hurting that you can offer assistance to, an opportunity for you, or anything in between. May your mind be clear, and may your eyes and ears be open to it.
00:02:40
[computer game level up music (short)]
New Things. New Things. New Things!
First up, our move: I’m going to talk a little bit about this a bit today - tell you a little more about our why, also, but the status is that two weeks from today is our moving weekend. Our house sold in three days and it has been a whirlwind.
Our daughter, as of today, isn’t attending grad school. Yes, she got into her dream programs but in the end the financials didn’t make sense for her - at least for this year, so she’s coming home for a bit - and our nest won’t be so empty again. Hubby and I are going to enjoy having her home for as long as she’s with us.
As for the empty nest success app is slow going with the move but I hope to have a portion of it available within the next two weeks for some of my flock members to begin testing it. If you’ve already reached out to me please know that I’ll be in touch soon. If you’re interested in testing it out, let me know - email me or DM me!
And of course, there’s private coaching spots. I have two spots remaining in May. If you are a regular listener, you already know that in the Your Empty Nest Coach part of my life, my private coaching clients are top tier - they’re my absolute favorites. We have weekly private zoom calls, I send you resources, and you have a line of communication with me between sessions. It’s so much fun, and I’d love to work with you!
00:03:59
[computer game level up music (short)]
Ask Coach Christine
One of the ideas I have about this segment is to turn it into more than just a segment of a podcast episode. I would love to get enough questions that I can answer them Monday through Friday and share a win with them. So, don’t be shy if you have a question for me to answer.
For today, a recent question I received is, “Christine, how should I prepare for having my college student back home?”
And my response?
I love this question so much because it really is important to think about ahead of time. The most important thing to remember is that your college student, if they actually made it to campus, has changed. It could be a big or small change but they are not the same student who left last time, and they are definitely not the same child that lived in your house at age 10, 12, 14, etc., so your now emerging adult deserves to have the opportunity to show who they are now. Let’s be real, you might have changed since they left and you might want them to know who you are. So, my top tip is to recognize that they’ll be different and take the opportunity to get to know the child (of any age) who's walking through your door and also remember that it is time for the relationship to mature.
I have a four-part series on this on Instagram and Tiktok, if you want to check it out.
If you have a question you want me to focus on in an upcoming episode, use that google voice number 1-920-LIFEWIN. Leave a voicemail message or text your question to me. I do consider all submissions.
00:0529
[computer game level up music (short)]
My Lessons Learned
What have I learned recently?
Know where you are heading but don’t be set on how you are going to get there. I have talked about this in prior episodes and I talk about it in coaching - my spider web episode mentions it a bit but I’ve had it play out in my life recently and there was this incredible moment where I realized what happened - and this is where I share a bit about why we are moving.
I’m about to be super transparent with you, and I did get the okay from my hubby to share this at a high-level. He’s extremely private (not on social media) so I like to ask ahead of time before I share things like this.
We bought a large home a little over three years ago. We had been renting for years after owning a home but one of us really missed home ownership - wanted a bit more privacy and space. The house has been incredible with the pandemic - I mean we have been privileged enough to each have our own office space while working from home. I wasn’t sold on home ownership, to be honest. While there are things I like - the extra space and being able to do whatever we want in the house (are two) - the maintenance of home ownership and the work that comes along with it - well, I haven’t been a fan. I’d much rather create videos and content for you than clean a larger house, or take care of the house.
When I came home one day last month and my husband said, “I think we should move.” I’ll be honest, I could not call the realtor fast enough. Then when he shared about how much homes are selling for where we live and pointed out that we’d be able to pay off our daughter’s college loans, well, it became a no-brainer for both of us. Those loans are no small potatoes.
I promise I’m getting to the point of this lesson. Stay with me.
00:07:13
To explain the college loans, we aren’t a family who had money saved for our daughter’s education. I know, I know - go ahead and gasp! I’ll wait. Our plan was that I’d work when she was in high school and we’d use that money for her college - well, she went four years early, so the solution for us, was, yeah, the government loans that she could take and the parent loans for the rest of it. She did get a great merit scholarship, but let's be real, it’s not like that leaves you with only $500 to pay for the year - gosh - wouldn’t that be nice?
Here we are, now, with our daughter graduating in May, and guess what we need to start making payments on? Yes, four years of loans, loans and more loans.
Feel free to judge, critique or what not. That is for you to do and it is all, honestly, outside of my fence, so your thoughts about what we did are for you to reflect on - not me. I share our experience because I know we aren’t the only ones in this situation and I want you to know I understand if this is you, too.
00:08:11
Jumping back to selling our home and guess what we can do? Yes, pay off all of the loans! All. The. Loans. Rather than us live in this big house with college loans, we are moving to a rental where we get to live cheaper, and have a maintenance free lifestyle with no debt.
I understand this isn’t a choice everyone would make but it is the one we’ve made and it feels amazing. Does every parent have this ability? No, I know this. I know there are college students who aren’t able to get any assistance from their parents, and I know we are privileged. My husband did not graduate from college. I did. He had to pay for his college and tapped out very quickly. He’s always said the gift he wanted to give our daughter is a college degree paid for (she still obviously had to do the work - which she did). And here we are.
You may be wondering… what does this have to do with where you’re heading Christine? Well, as most of you know, I have a day job and I have this business. I love this business but I’m not in a position where I’ll leave my day job to do this full-time until two things happen. Want to know what the two things are?
1. Our daughter’s college is paid for
2. I make enough in my coaching to pay for all of the expenses with the business and make more than I currently make in my day job.
Here is the interesting thing: over the last few years, I had assumed that paying off my daughter’s college was going to be through my coaching. I had never considered that we’d have this opportunity to sell our home in this market bubble, and that my husband who loves this house was going to be excited to head back to renting life. But here we are. It has fallen into place perfectly as if it was always meant to be this way and had to happen this way.
Does this mean I get to leave my day job? Oh, no. Not even close. I’m not one of those people that think,
[character voice]
“I have to leave my day job to prove to myself that I believe in me. I mean,” sigh, “who am I if I can’t leave my day job and believe I can make enough money.”
[return to normal speaking]
No, that’s not me. I get it but those are someone else’s thoughts about my business. I am a human who has real bills to pay, we have retirement to build up more and if I leave my day job, that puts a stress on not only our family but on my coaching that I don’t want there. I LOVE coaching. I LOVE it. I love it enough to be patient as my business grows. I love it enough to have single digit clients per year for five, seven, ten years - if that’s what’s in store for me. I’m all good. I am here, as Coach Christine, to have fun and to serve. Anything else is a drag and I don’t need that from the project I have that I created to bring joy and adventure into my life and into my client’s life.
So, I’ve learned in this experience that knowing how you’ll get to a destination is not important as being true to yourself, being open to anything along the way and remembering what your destination is so you don’t miss it when it is gifted to you out of nowhere.
00:011:21
[quirky music under segment]
Christine? Christine? Christine where are you?
Deirdre Dolan Nesline and I are continuing our Friday morning Clubhouse declutter tips. Deirdre provides great tips for your weekend ahead, and with my move happening, this is perfect timing!
If you are in Clubhouse, I invite you to follow me and Deirdre there.
As always, you may check out my Media & Press page on my website YourEmptyNestCoach.com for a list of all of my guest appearances.
00:11:54
[computer game level up music (short)]
Celebrating You and Your Wins[sound]
My win? I got rid of journals that I have been moving from home to home and have never looked at. As I was going through things and preparing to box up items, I turned on The Minimalists podcast and they reminded me that I don’t need to save them. Those things might be important to you but working on being super present in my life means that I, personally, don’t need to look back at years and years of my thoughts because I have new ones now, and I like the growth I’ve made.
As for your wins, I’m happy to share the last two weeks of wins from TikTok and Instagram! See my show notes to click through to view these wins and cheer everyone on. As always, please forgive any mispronunciations:
Lesa of NotYourCollegeLife shared, “Content planning done for the next two months!”
Jen of FlourishingOver50 shared, “just finished a 12 week course and made it through all of the content, recordings, homework”
Jane of AmbitiousMamas shared, “Sometimes just the fact that I can smile. This empty nest thing .”
Jane, I want to stop here and just remind you that you don’t have to smile at every moment. Please feel those emotions. It is okay to be sad sometimes. You are strong enough to get through them, to feel them and get to the other side of them. I believe in you.
Alright, back to our next one..
JillGrimesMD shared,”Love the pod van! My Wednesday win was fighting through a new version of photoshop (new to me cuz I hadn’t used it in several years) to create a new header for my website ”
Go, Jill!
Alright, I’m going to take a break:
Lesa, well done on your content planning.
Jen, awesome on the course, and content, and recordings, and homework. I know how much work that is. It’s a big deal. Please give yourself a pat on the back!
Jane, you’re going to feel those feelings and I’m cheering you on.
Jill, I can’t wait to check out this new header!
00:13:51
Now let’s hear from the TikTok family:
Gigi M. Green says “ My win is writing the first season of my soon to be released audio drama.“
Go, Gigi. Woo!
Layla “I recently found out that my school will be able to have a safe, COVID-friendly prom and graduation this year!”
Oh my goodness. This is so exciting. I love it.
Vik shared, “I made up with my mom and I finally cleaned my room!”
Huge. Love it!
Rain shared, “I went to bed at a good time and got all my work done without procrastinating.”
Awesome!
Noreen “I was able to get my first dose of the COVID vaccine!”
I love it, Noreen. I got mine too and I’m waiting on my second one. This is great. I hope you’re feeling okay.
Sunnyday shared, “Even though I was worried about homework, I went to the beach with a friend.”
Well done. And I checked in with Sunnyday and they said it was beautiful.
Thank you all for sharing your wins. Now my listener, I want you to take a couple of seconds here and think of a moment that happened today: small - or big, that you can celebrate. Do you have it? Now take a moment to share it on social media. Tag me and I’ll be thrilled to pop over and cheer you on! If you aren’t on the socials then share it with one other person via email. You have no idea how much your wins encourage and inspire others - no win is too small!
As a reminder, you can always share your win with us - and you may send it to me in my DMs on social media, use my google voice number, yes, that’s in my show notes, or pop in the comments of my wednesday win videos on TikTok or Instagram: just add the microphone emoji.
00:15:21
[computer game level up music (short)]
What’s in your life’s toolbox?
As a reminder, these are the things that bring you joy, or allow you to reset yourself in one way or another. Some are escapes that allow you the grace to have time until you’re able to process deeper or to allow your mind a bit of time to recalculate to what’s next; other things are tools and resources that allow you to do the deeper work - like this podcast, my workshops, or doing coaching work with me or someone else. I’d love for you to share what works for you in your life’s toolbox for others to consider. Remember, these are always suggestions. What works for me may not work for you and vice versa - don’t be afraid to try new things!
What I have to share with you this week was that I was gifted with a n.o.w.® tone therapy system. A sweet podcasting friend, Lee Uehara, won it at Podfest Global Summit and was incredibly generous to gift this to me. What is it? Well, their website describes it as “It’s Yoga for Your Mind.” I love it! It helps me to reset and recharge in just three minutes. Let me give you a little listen….
It comes with two and I’m going to turn them both on.
[sounds of n.o.w.® tone therapy ]
One of the statements on their website is “helps you live in the present moment, more easily.”
I’m all about presence, so this is speaking my language. It does a great job for me, too. I feel like it takes me to where I am when I am walking through the woods alone and able to be truly present in the moment. I’m a fan. I did take video of opening it and using it, and will post it on YouTube as soon as I am able!
00:17:30
[computer game level up music (short)]
Let’s find the funny!
[giggles from others]
I’m putting a link to a TikTok video in my show notes. It is an adorable cat thinking they are going to sneak attack on another one and that catchy Oh, no, oh, no, no. Yeah, that’s really sad. [giggles] You know what I mean. That sound. That’s with it and it made me giggle out loud.
00:17:49
[computer game level up music (short)]
What I Wish My Parents Knew
Related to College Breaks..
Your children want you to know that they’re going to be exhausted when they return home and ask that you have patience and grace with them with your expectations - especially immediate after their arrival. It is a lot for them, and they often may disappear into their room to sleep and sleep and sleep. Definitely make sure they’re in a good mental state but also don’t be shocked if they want to sleep more than you’ve seen them do so before - especially with the pandemic - navigating campus during a pandemic is no joke. Enjoy your time with them, be patient and have fun!
00:18:28
[happy music (short)]
Two Questions for You
Question 1: How many times have you moved in your life?
and Question 2: What is the destination that you have your sights on for your life?
As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.
My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.
If you enjoy this podcast please don’t forget to share it with others, it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. And of course, follow or subscribe in your favorite podcast app!
I’ll be back with episode 135 in two weeks. In the meantime, you have 133 other episodes, from me, to catch up on, or relisten to.
And we are now at that part of the episode where I sign off after reminding you that you, my beautiful friend, are amazing!
See ya!
0019:23
[bloopers]
00:19:43
Still listening?
Yes, I’m recording this in my podvan again. I’m very curious to see if the sound quality is just as good as my last episode - it sounded like a studio. It’s much better than my home. I’m debating on creating podvan accounts on Instagram and TikTok because I think I could have fun with sharing videos there. What do ya think?
I can’t begin to tell you how much I needed this episode when I wrote it. Throughout our life, we experience change. Sometimes it is expected, sometimes it is not. When we are unable to be patient with ourselves through the transition, things can get a little off course and “boil over.”
In this episode, I talk about the importance of a simmer in a beef stew and what that has to do with your life.
Take a listen, or read the transcript, below.
⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll all the way down ⇓ so you don’t miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓
Want to subscribe to this podcast? Great news – it is free!
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 29: Christine, I Don’t Know What to do Next. … My future empty nest friend, I want to talk about when you can’t figure out what is next in life. This may be in the form of thoughts such as, Christine, I don’t know what to do with my time or Christine, I think I know who future me is, but I can’t figure out what to do next.
00:00:00 Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 29: Christine, I Don’t Know What to do Next. This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that has been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it is freaking you out. I’ve been there and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
00:00:35 Hello, my future empty nest friend. What amazing things are going on in your life right now? Take a second to stop and think about something. Anything, and how amazing it is. Want an example? Right now, you are listening to my voice. I’m not with you live, in person, I’m off doing something else in my life, but something that I assembled and recorded weeks ago, you are able to listen to as if I’m right here with you. Now, that’s pretty amazing. Need another? How about how your body manages to take breaths, to keep you alive without you having to think about it. Amazing!
00:01:11 A quick reminder that all of my episodes are brought to you by my free seven-day program, “The Empty Nest: A Guide to Uncovering to My Future.” To be clear, we are talking about your future, not mine. Hop on over to my website, youremptynestcoach.com and sign up today. Look for the link that says, “Uncover Your Future.”
00:01:29 My future empty nest friend, I want to talk about when you can’t figure out what is next in life. This may be in the form of thoughts such as, Christine, I don’t know what to do with my time or Christine, I think I know who future me is, but I can’t figure out what to do next.
00:01:49 Beef Stew. When you make beef stew, there is some prep work. You cook the beef. You then cook your veggies, seasoning, broth, maybe wine, more seasonings, and you bring it to a boil. Once the stew reaches its boiling points, you reduce the heat to a simmer and have more additions for the next 30 to 45 minutes. This simmer time allows a couple of things to happen. One, it cooks the food gently and slowly, allowing it to maintain its structure in ways impossible with boiling. It also will bring fat, proteins, and other substances to the top of the pot, which allows you to skim them off, and results in a clear stock.
00:02:25 Notice that two things are not recommended. One, allowing the meal to boil over, and two, once the boiling point is reached, turn the heat off and eat the stew. What does this have to with the empty nest? Something that I’ve noticed for many of my clients is that we reach this point where we have been “doing life” at a million miles an hour. Due to the circumstances of life, we get really good at hiding the real us in the name of taking care of everyone else. So much so that when a family member moves out of the house, be it for college, or their first apartment, the first thought that comes to our mind is what am I going to do with my time? As if we didn’t exist before they entered our lives. Think about it.
00:03:07 You were a full grown adult before you had your child. At least, most of us are. You had a life. You will have a life again. That you has been hiding really well. Is she different? More than likely, yes, but she is there. She’s just not used to showing herself. For many of my clients, the question what am I going to do with my time, seems to have an almost universal effect that moves my clients to, in the stew analogy, a full-on rolling boil that leads to a boiled-over mess. Can you picture this? There’s a frenzied emotion guiding the question for them. The frenzy sometimes is led by the need to know the answer to this question as soon as possible.
00:03:47 If you are able to answer the question right away, what am I going to do with my time, fantastic! Go you! But for many of us, the first thing we think we should do isn’t really the answer. Jumping all in on that thing, whatever it is, without allowing life to simmer for a little bit, will cause the stew to boil over, or we realize we’re not heading down the right path, so we pull the pot off the heat and dump it down the sink. When what we really need to do is turn the heat down low and allow things to simmer.
00:04:19 Allow ideas to bubble up. Explore them. Research them. Try them, and if the timing is right, take some time to discover if the stew is finished cooking, if you need to try a new recipe, or if you are simply still simmering. Remember, also, that if you don’t move from the boil down to the simmer, adjustments become messier than they need to be. In this transition, in your quest to figure out what you are going to do with your time, take deep breaths, and if you don’t have complete clarity, it is okay. You are simply simmering. You are exploring what is next.
00:04:55 What if you are sitting there wondering what am I going to do with my time, and you feel frenzied. You feel things starting to boil, but all you have is water in the pot, right? No direction. If this is you, I want you to try something for me. Try changing your question, what I am going to do with my time to the sentence, I am going to have more time, or I have more time, and simmer in that. Please note that this doesn’t mean that you don’t take any action in your life. You can try things. You can explore things. You can go all in on things, and you can adjust things. Throw some ingredients in here and there and see what that does for you.
00:05:35 Sometimes you want to make a huge change right away, but circumstances need you to stay where you are to allow the next step to be smooth. Rather than resenting where you are currently, realize that you are in a necessary simmer that is needed, before the next ingredient is added. As you simmer, get to know future you. Find her. It is so funny, I already hear some of you ready to say, how can I know future me, when I don’t know if blah, blah, blah is going to happen.
00:06:02 I need to be very clear. Future you is meant to inspire, encourage and motivate you. She is not necessarily a prediction of the future, unless you have some powers that I don’t know about, then, you know, give me a call. Let me know. But she’s your navigation system. Right now, in this moment, whoever future you would be, use her to guide you in your decisions.
00:06:27 That question you want the answer to, Christine, what am I going to do with my time? It might make you feel like you need to pick a new job, a new career, or a hobby to fill your time with. Maybe what you really need to do right now, is to keep doing what you’re doing. Maybe you see where you think your life will be in two years, but you’re just needed quite a bit right now, doing what you’re doing. Which might mean that your life isn’t going to change as quickly as you imagine it. You might be in the necessary simmer.
00:06:59 So, are you simmering? Remember, if you stop simmering, the recipe never finishes. Once the stew is finished cooking, there is always another stew ready to be made. Sit in the simmer. Don’t be afraid of the simmer! Don’t fight it. Use it to get in touch with future you. This time is needed and if you simmer long enough, the miscellaneous things that you don’t need, will rise to the top for you to skim off. That will make your life, your path ahead, clearer, just like the skimmed stock. Isn’t that cool?
00:07:30 If you’re having trouble sitting in the simmer, try reminding yourself that you’ll figure it out. So, where are you right now? This isn’t for me to tell you. It’s for your GPS future you to tell you. Don’t look to me, don’t look to your friend. Look to future you. Ask her what makes the most sense right now, and try asking her if you need to simmer. Trust that you and your GPS will figure out all the pieces when the time is right. Maybe right now, your GPS needs you to work on you, on your emotional health, on your physical health, so you may have the best future in store for you.
00:08:07 Having your future self to check in with is incredibly helpful. Mostly because she is you. She has your back, my friend. The destination sometimes changes for us, but the guidance system doesn’t. Find your guidance system. Find you and go after her 200 percent.
00:08:25 Please don’t hesitate to fly on over to our Facebook group. Our name is Green Popsicle Sticks. Want to know why? Listen to episode number 17, or head to my website, youremptynestcoach.com/community for links to join our flock. Why should you join our group? Well, the adjustment to not having your kiddos at home full time isn’t always easy, but it sure can be a ton more fun with a flock of friends. We look forward to seeing you there.
00:08:51 If you are ready to begin the journey to find future you and use her as your GPS, definitely sign up for my free program, “The Empty Nest: A Guide to Uncovering My Future.”Episode 13 covers the high-level concepts of this program, if you would like to check it out. To dive deep in the concepts, take my free program as I provide videos and worksheets to assist you on your journey.
00:09:13 The questions I have for you in this episode are:
1) Have you found future you yet? And
2) What was, or is, your biggest obstacle in finding her?
As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. You’ll find show notes for this and every episode on my website. My next episode’s title is, I’m Not Being Appreciated. Don’t forget to subscribe to this podcast. It is free, and you’ll be notified when I post a new episode every Friday.
00:09:45 If my show has helped you in any way, please share it with one other person you think it will help, too. You’ll be giving them a free gift. Thanks for your time and energy with that, and thanks so much for listening, my empty nest friend. Remember, you are amazing!
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