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160: Empty Nest Success – Give Your Child Space and Reaching Parenting Goals💚

160: Empty Nest Success - Give Your Child Space and Reaching Parenting Goals💚

Hello, my amazing friend. 👋

Inspiration versus Motivation: it has been on my mind in all areas of my life.

In this episode, I share the idea of giving your child(ren) space to be inspired.

As I listened back to the episode, "inspirational parenting" came to mind to sum this up. 

However, how I explain those two words here and what first comes to mind for you may be vastly different. I'd love to know your thoughts!

As always, I'm cheering you on! 🎉

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"Give your children the space to be inspired to have a relationship with you: wouldn’t all of us much rather be with people who love us for who we are rather than remind us who we aren’t?"

Listen now or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

🔽 More goodies are below, too! Please scroll down 🔽to see them all! 🔽 🔽 🔽 

Empty Nest Success - inspirational parenting? This may not be what you had in mind. 🤔More in episode 160 of the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast 🎙️ #emptynest #life #emptynestsuccess #inspirationalparenting #parenting 

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This Episode is Brought To You By

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:00 Podcast intro
  • 01:19  Quick Reminders
  • 01:57  My Wish For You Today - Wisdom from Within
  • 03:57  New Things: Repairs, and more repairs - a new thing I love
  • 04:45 My Lessons Learned: Inspired vs. Motivational parenting
  • 10:58 Ask Coach Christine: I've Always Wanted to Be a Mother - Now What?
  • 12:03 Christine, Where Are You? BabyBoomer.org
  • 13:07  What's In Your Life's Toolbox? Standup Comedy
  • 14:09  Two Questions For You
  • bloopers 😆
  • 15:38 Still listening? 

Episode Questions For You To Consider

  1. Was being a parent what you always wanted to do?
  2. Do you allow your child - or children - the space to be inspired into a relationship with you?

💚Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

First Time Here? Try This Order of Episodes

Episode Resources

* affiliate link to SupaPass - which powers our community! Should you purchase using the link, I make a commission.

You are preparing for the empty nest ahead as your child(ren) prepares, heads off to, and experiences college (or not college) and life.

Subscribe To This Podcast

It is FREE!

Want to get notified of new episodes directly on your phone? Subscribe to this podcast using your favorite app!

Yes! Show Me My Options

The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 160

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #160. If this isn't your first time listening and you want to skip the introduction portion feel free to tap forward a couple of times. In this podcast, I focus on helping parents who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though; all are welcome here, as I’m focused on coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life, and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up

[level-up music]

your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.

I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. 

Here we go..

[up beat music]

00:00:50

This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.

00:1:19

Before we dive in -a special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass. SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. Register today for a free account to unlock a sampling of those resources -  head over to  EmptyNestSuccess.com - where you may also support this podcast, join the C.E.O. Training Team, or purchase other premium content.

Want to know more about the C.E.O. Training team? I’ll share more at the tail end of this episode. 

If you are looking for something specific or would like to hop around within this episode, you’ll find time markers in the show notes.

00:01:57

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Wish for You Today

My wish for you today is that you realize the power you have within yourself. For example, take a moment to think of the you of ten years ago. Remember a happening in your life where you were stressed out and wondering how things were going to play out. Do you have it? Now jump to you of today, being you of many years later, what would you want to tell that amazing younger version of yourself? 

Feel free to pause here while you think about it. 

So I ask you, would you say something to your younger self that is encouraging - for example: “I know this feels like the end of the world right now. That is valid. You can work through that emotion, and also, I want you to know that you will manage through this, and you will look back on this one day and know you did it. I’m so thankful you are taking the steps you are taking right now but don’t forget to breathe, don’t forget to have some fun, don’t forget who you are, and don’t forget that you are doing an amazing job with all that you have on your plate. I believe in you. I am thankful for you, and I love you.” 

Was it something like that? 

Hopefully, what you came up with makes you feel good. If not, feel free to adjust it a bit until you come up with wording that you believe AND that makes you feel good. 

And NOW, knowing that there is a future version of yourself that might want to say the same exact thing to you today - about things that might not be super comfortable in the present, you can use those same words for yourself.  

Sure, I love reminding you how amazing you are but what is more important is that YOU believe and trust in your own amazingness. You’ve got this. You are navigating this life without an instruction manual, and let’s be honest, that is no joke.

00:03:57

[computer game level up music (short)]

New Things. New Things. New Things!

My  personal new things, lately, have been  - well - here are some examples: an unexpected new water heater, new roof repairs, a new car battery booster pack, oh, I do have a fun one (yes, this is fun for me) - solar panels for my portable generator. But in general, really fun stuff, right? 

In all seriousness, though, I wish I had purchased the car battery booster pack years ago. Now, I don’t need another vehicle to jump my car, and feel confident I can help others if they ever need it. Do you have one of those? 

I’ll put a link to the one I purchased in my show notes. Now that I have one and have seen how great they work, I believe everyone should have one of these - and no, this is not an ad or an affiliate link - I just love the thing.

00:04:45

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Lessons Learned

[inspirational music plays under this segment]

Give your children the space to be inspired to have a relationship with you. 

 Let me say that again. 

Give your children the space to be inspired to have a relationship with you. 

For many of us who have or have had our identities wrapped up in being a parent, this may feel super uncomfortable. 

I’ve learned this lesson by watching my clients. I’ve been able to witness clingy moms who self-identify as “smotherers”  - you know, like the Goldbergs? I’ve watched them begin to cautiously provide space to their children. Children who move out of the house, travel the world or take an activity that is difficult to comprehend as their parent. 

The discomfort is fierce at first, and then it begins to level out into a calm ripple, if you will, until new emotions appear, such as surprise that they went days without worrying about their adult child. Or amazement that something they would have earlier lost their cool about or phoned all their friends to complain about for hours on end, well, these same parents now roll with the punches and find themselves even wondering, “What’s the big deal?”

Sometimes, they find that their children are at first unsettled by the change they are seeing in their parent - discomfort even - not in a painful way but more of a “who is this parent of mine, because I haven’t seen this side of them before.” 

I’ve watched that parent who can’t seem to let go, holding so tight and causing their child to run away as fast as possible. I’ve seen that same parent emerge into a parent who appreciates where they are and what is ahead for them and their kiddo - even when that means they are continents away. 

I’ve been able to hear first-account stories of the same children who couldn’t leave home fast enough to gain their freedom, become children who invite said-parent on trips with them, and also do things for mom and dad they never would have done before.

I’ve been reflecting on this lately. No, it’s not a scientific study - simply observation of some families. It does, though, make sense to me that when we, as parents, remove the forced expectations on our children in how they must behave and show up for us, that they then have the space to be inspired to have a relationship with us. 

We’ve all heard it: If you love something, let it go.

And I don’t know about you, but I’ll choose an inspired relationship over a forced and motivated relationship any day. 

It is better for everyone. It is better energy, and there is the space for everyone to be themselves. It’s beautiful. Sure, there are still messy moments, but they tend to be threaded with a lot more joy and silliness and overall fun.

Is there a downside to giving your child space? 

When we do give them space and remove expectations, they have the opportunity to become keenly aware of the space. And this is where the blocks of relationship building that you have done up until this point matter. 

If you give them space and in their reflection, they come to the conclusion that you don’t really love them - or like them - for who they are and that you really don’t have their back at all.  They may not ever be inspired to relationship building with you. 

I know, it’s really tough love, but it does happen. My guess, though, I’ll be honest, if you are listening to this podcast, this is NOT you.

But, my two cents - you can take them or leave them - is that I do believe most relationships can be healed if both parties are willing to show up in a way that gives space to one another. In a way where they’re aware that their own happiness depends on themselves - not on the other person.

I also believe in parental apologies where they are necessary- we are all human, anyway, and make mistakes. Sometimes we’re simply doing what we’ve been modeled our whole life. 

We can learn. We can do better as we learn. We can apologize. We can forgive.   

What we can’t do, ultimately, is control another human being. And would you want that kind of relationship long-term? 

What we can do is be responsible for ourselves.

We can learn to love ourselves; we can treat ourselves better - setting an example (even if it is a new one) to our children, and then we can hold space for them to be who they are. 

What a gift. 

Wouldn’t all of us would much rather be with people who love us for who we are rather than remind us who we aren’t?

My listener, take care of yourself, my beautiful friend. Love on yourself. Allow your children space to be who they are - and love them for that - no more, no less. 

Let them fail. Let them try things. Let them live. Celebrate for them when they are happy and let them know that you want a relationship for life with them, and talk about what that looks like for both of you - knowing that over time, how it looks may change.

Know, though, as you both grow more into who you are because the space is there to do that, you very well may be gifted with a stronger relationship than ever before. 

Being a human and a parent isn’t easy. 

I’d like to see my kiddo live life fully as they are meant to. 

And if that means I’m in their life more or less - it is okay because they aren’t on this planet to serve me. 

I’ve received the most thoughtful gifts, learned amazing lessons, been invited on trips, and am inspired all the time by my daughter. I can’t imagine a life where I forced more of what I need, what I expect, and I believe onto her. I know one thing for sure: I wouldn’t have any idea who she really was, and there’s a chance she wouldn’t either. 

00:10:58

[computer game level up music (short)]

Ask Coach Christine

Christine, I’ve always wanted to be a mother. Now what? 

I have heard this statement more than a few times from clients. Their life goal was to be a mother. Now that their child (or children) are moving out and on - in whatever capacity - they struggle with, “what now?” because that was their goal. 

How incredible is it really, if this is you, you’ve reached your life goal? 

First of all, parenthood doesn’t end because your child moves out. It does change. More than likely, you’ll see them again if you’ve earned a relationship with them, and, yes, we talked about that in the last segment.

Absolutely,  things are going to be different in this new phase of life. 

Parenthood should look different in the upcoming years, and now you get the amazing opportunity to create brand new life goals while knowing you’ve reached one.  That’s amazing!  

00:12:03

[quirky music under segment]

Christine? Christine? Christine, where are you?

Well, of course, C.E.O. Training Team to Empty Nest Success members have access to me, and I’m often creating resources for that space. I’m also traveling for an event or two and, believe it or not, taking some time off in October - [gasp]. 

And BabyBoomer.org! You’ll find this podcast now included in BabyBoomer.org’s podcast hub! BabyBoomer.org is the ultimate baby boomer news, guide & community - you’ll find topics such as news, entertainment, lifestyle, relationships, and more there. Full transparency, I’m not a baby boomer. I did mention that, and they thought my content was a great fit for their website visitors, so we have a lovely partnership  - also check out the many other podcasts listed there as well! The link in my show notes will take you to the Kids & Family section of their listed podcasts. 

00:13:07

[computer game level up music (short)]

What’s in your life’s toolbox?

Your C.E.O. Toolbox is the analogy we use here for items and resources that help you get through tough moments, enjoy the amazing moments, and then also do the deeper work as needed. Your C.E.O. Toolbox is yours. It should have things that work for you, and you should take inventory from time to time because sometimes things that worked well for you two years ago or a month ago, just  aren’t working any longer.

Today, I’m sharing a top-of-the-toolbox item and it's standup comedy.  My daughter invited me to see comedian Chris Fleming with her last weekend. The venue was incredibly intimate, which made it a bit surreal.  Comedy is so good for the soul, and I do love using laughter as a reset. And laugh, we did! My face hurt for two days from all of the laughing. I’ll link some of my favorite Chris Fleming videos in my show notes - and try the one that’s E.T. related.

00:14:09

Two Questions for You

Question 1: Was being a parent what you always wanted to do? 

and Question 2: Do you allow your child - or children - the space to be inspired into a relationship with you? 

As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.

My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.

If you enjoy[ed] this episode, please don’t forget to share it with others; it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. Also, don’t forget to follow this podcast - Your Empty Nest Coach - in your favorite podcast player - or register for a free account in the empty nest success home. You may also join my Thursday Thoughts about email list, where I’ll pop in your inbox with a thought and updates on most Thursdays. Those are the best ways to be notified when I release a new episode.

All the links and resources I mentioned, you’ll find in this episode’s show notes. 

Of course, I’ll be back next month with a new episode!

My empty nest or future-empty nest friend, may you provide yourself space to discover who you are because YOU ARE AMAZING!

[end music] 

00:15:27

[bloopers]

00:15:38  

Still Listening?

Well, I’m intrigued. You’ve listened this far; why have you not joined the C.E.O. Training Team [to Empty Nest Success]?

There’s tons of resources there for you! 

We have Power Hours every Monday to reset yourself - you can show up (or not). You’ll get four private coaching sessions (15-minutes) with me to utilize however you like over six months of time.

You get all of the resources I’ve created to date, including workshops on a variety of topics, some lessons, what-if affirmations that show up weekly, and more.

I’d love for you to join us!

[end music]

[end]

Posted on

159: Empty Nest Success When You’re Self Conscious about Going Gray, Would You Try a Rage Room and a Giveaway 💚

159: Empty Nest Success When You're Self Conscious about Going Gray, Would You Try a Rage Room and a Giveaway 💚

Podcast episode artwork is of where I recorded much of this episode - in my van!

Hello, my amazing friend. 👋

This episode is packed full of content. Enjoy!📦

As always, I'm cheering you on! 🎉

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"My wish for you today is that you already understand - or are beginning to uncover - who you are and that you fully grasp and know in your soul that you are here for a reason."

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

🔽 More goodies below, too! Scroll down 🔽 , so you don't miss anything! 🔽 🔽 🔽 

Empty Nest Success When You're Self Conscious about Going Gray, Would You Try a Rage Room, a Giveaway & More: episode 159 of the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast  #emptynest #life #emptynestsuccess #goinggray #naturelessons

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This Episode is Brought To You By

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:00 Podcast intro
  • 01:14  Quick Reminders
  • 02:11  My Wish For You Today - Adjusting to Your Child Heading to College 
  • 02:59  New Things: Minimalistic Todo List
  • 03:57  My Lessons Learned: Finding Who You Are Through The Fog
  • 07:31  Ask Coach Christine: I'm Self-Conscious About Going Gray
  • 10:26  Christine, Where Are You? PractiMama Podcast & a TikTok Giveaway
  • 11:45  Celebrating You and Your Wins - so many! 🎉
  • 13:25  What's In Your Life's Toolbox? A Rage Room! 
  • 14:53  Let's Find the Funny - Going Gray Silliness
  • 16:45  What I Wish My Parents Knew - "Just Wait Until You Are Older"
  • 18:30  Two Questions For You
  • bloopers 😆
  • 20:29 Still listening? 

Episode Questions For You To Consider

  1. Are you able to identify thoughts that don’t serve you, throughout the day?
  2. Have you been to or would you go to a rage room?

💚Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

First Time Here? Try This Order of Episodes

Episode Resources

* affiliate link to SupaPass - which powers our community! Should you purchase using the link, I make a commission.

You are preparing for the empty nest ahead as your child(ren) prepares, heads off to, and experiences college (or not college) and life.

Subscribe To This Podcast

It is FREE!

Want to get notified of new episodes directly on your phone? Subscribe to this podcast using your favorite app!

Yes! Show Me My Options

The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 159

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #159. If this isn't your first time listening and you want to skip the introduction portion feel free to tap forward a couple of times. In this podcast, I focus on helping parents who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though, all are welcome here, as I’m all about coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up

[level-up music]

your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.

I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. 

[up beat music]

00:00:46

This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.

00:1:14

Before we dive in - a tiny bit of housekeeping and I’m going to see how fast I can share these with you -

First, you’ll find time markers in this episode’s full show notes, if you are looking for something specific or would like to hop around.

Second, you’ll find a ton of information, resources and more on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com or EmptyNestSuccess.com.

Reminder #3 If you enjoy this podcast, don’t forget to follow it in your favorite podcast player - or register for a free account in the empty nest success home. You may also join my Thursday Thoughts about email list where I’ll pop in your inbox with a thought and updates on most Thursdays. Those are the best ways to be notified when I release a new episode.

➡️And finally, a special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass. SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. Register today for that free account I mentioned - you’ll find it at EmptyNestSuccess.com - where you may also support this podcast, join the C.E.O. training team, or purchase other premium content.

00:02:11

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Wish for You Today

If you are in the midst of adjusting to having your kiddo - or children (plural) now living outside of your home - be it temporary or permanent, I want to encourage you to be patient with yourself, feel the emotions, take deep breaths, whatever you experience is yours to experience,  and it doesn’t need to be the same as your friend’s experience. Be you and be IN your experience. I have many episodes, resources and videos on the socials about the adjustment. If you are looking for anything in particular, just let me know! And, I’m cheering you on!

Now, My wish for you today is that you already understand or are beginning to uncover who you are and that you fully grasp and know in your soul that you are here for a reason.

00:02:59

[computer game level up music (short)]

New Things. New Things. New Things!

I’m a minimalist at heart - if you’ve been listening a while, you already know that. And yes, while that applies to the physical things, I’ve been focused over the last month on what do I really have to do today? And the answer is always a lot less than my super long to do list is telling me to do. As I focus on being inspired into creation rather than motivated because I have to do a thing, life has become even more fun - even while finding plumbing leaks, having a new role at my day job, car not starting, and my daughter navigating her chronic illness. Just when I think I know the must-dos for the day, something happens and reframes it all again. And reminds me that I can shorten the list - again - because that list isn’t going anywhere.

00:03:47

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Lessons Learned

[inspirational music plays under this segment]

You may already know how much I love nature, and especially early mornings in nature. My most recent hang out early in the morning is a local park that has a lake. A few weeks ago, there was an incredible amount of fog. So much fog that you could barely see the lake. It made me think about the empty nest transition - whether you are going through it with a partner or solo, it doesn’t matter. There is an adjustment to discovering who you are going forward - almost as if discovering a new identity. For many of us, we’ve never really gone past the fog to discover who we are. I thought I’d share the lesson I gained by looking at the fog that particular day and it was a way to look at the phases of self-discovery. 

Phase 1 - we are going through life surrounded by fog - meaning mostly going through the motions: doing what we have to do, what we’ve always done, it kind of feels like life, we say we are living, but we are so used to the fog, we aren’t even aware of it. It has become normal. Others may call this sleepwalking through life, or in the matrix, or unconsciously living.

Phase 2: The fog starts to clear  - this is when you notice you are IN a fog, that there might be more outside of the fog and you take some careful movements forward. You realize you’ve been going through the motions, and you consider: is there more than this? There might be. There might not be. And you begin to ask yourself questions such as “Do I want more than this? Is this who I am? Who am I?” and more. 

In Phase 3,  you can see a big lake, as you look closer, with a reflection in it - and when seeing the reflection you scan to see where the water creates a line - a border - between land and air, but actually, it is blurring together making it difficult to determine. As with all of these phases, you wiggle a bit back and forth on whether or not you wanna keep on discovering, it is after all, all new and can feel scary and unclear. 

Phase 4 is when you walk close enough to see your reflection in the water. You have to be so close to the water to see your reflection. The water is still and you take in the image as if you’ve never seen it before. Who is this person? Do I prefer the fog-filled auto-pilot life better? I might.

You keep going and reach phase 5: It dawns on you how unreal that image of you in the water is and you see that you are in a body that houses your thoughts, your emotions, your trauma, your love, your fears, YOU. And while others have been helpful and supportive, or may guide you on this path of self-discovery, the one who has the most to lose and gain is ultimately YOU. Imagine picking up a smooth stone, and tossing it into the water - rippling away your reflection.

You take a deep breath and another and you feel how your body exists in the world - how your feet touch the ground, how you stand in your physicality. You turn away from the fog and lake and know that while you aren’t sure who you are going to find, you can’t wait to be more of YOU and less of what the world has told you you need to be - as a child, as a parent, as a co-worker, as a friend. You feel empowered, scared, peaceful, excited, thrilled all at once but you know you have felt your connection to your inner self - for just a moment, maybe, and you want more than that. Ultimately, you know the you of ten years from now is who you are honoring by continuing the discovery. After all, you and them, you’re both amazing!

00:07:31

[computer game level up music (short)]

Ask Coach Christine

Christine, do you have a way to be less self-conscious about my appearance as I grow out my gray, or grow my gray hair out? What’s the proper way to say that?

This was a specific question asked during one of our C.E.O. Training Team (to Empty Nest Success) Power Hours - we do those weekly on Mondays. I asked when the self-consciousness appeared for this person and there was a very specific example of being out the grocery store - someone seeing them with their hair growing out and the thoughts coming in.

And here are a few things to keep in mind.

First, the thoughts that are causing your self-consciousness about your hair are your thoughts. Ouch, right? Because unless you have some magical power that allows you to dive into their mind, you are only guessing what they are thinking. More than likely this happens in a split second and you may feel your body tense or stomach feel off before you even notice that your thoughts have gone to how embarrassed you are about your hair (and yes, you can apply this to anything - not just your hair).

Second, the moment you are able to notice your concern of what someone else thinks about you, you have made a step forward. Celebrate this! You have begun to make progress because now you have the opportunity to do one of a few things: a) change the thought you are having b) stop it completely by thinking about something else, or c) keep thinking about it over and over, and over, and over,and over, and over, and over again.

The third thing to keep in mind is if you notice something you’d like to create less resistance in your life for you, such as this, do some thought-work around it when you’re not out in public. There is this part of you that probably doesn’t love the way your hair looks. If you did, you wouldn’t care what anyone else thought. It would be like someone saying they really hate the dress that you’re wearing, and meanwhile you’re in a pantsuit.

You’re not there in your head, so it doesn’t bother you. You’re like, “err, they’re crazy, I don’t know what they’re thinking about.

That’s where we want you to get with your gray hair.

Ultimately, this though-processing is yours to do but it is fun to play with what-if statements so let’s try that: 

What if me growing out my gray hair represents me discovering who I am? What if I don’t care what anyone thinks about it? What future-me loves the results and is patiently waiting for the hair to grow? What if I find I don’t love it in the end and decide to color it again? What would I make that mean and what if I don’t make it mean anything other than I allowed myself this time of growth to be one that I tried something new? What if I love the results? What if I love the growing out process? What if I have fun with this? What if this process is one of peace and joy? What if?

So, those are some serious thoughts about it but we also then had an incredible amount of fun with it and I’m going to share that portion of my answer in the Find the Funny segment of this podcast episode.

00:10:26

[quirky music under segment]

Christine? Christine? Christine, where are you?

I was supposed to mention this ages ago but I believe I may have left it out of prior episodes, so better late than never! You’ll find me as a guest on the PractiMama Parenting podcast that was recorded also, ages ago, before my daughter had graduated from college, before my divorce, before my last name change - before the pandemic even. The PractiMama podcast, hosted by Lee Uehara is focused on mothers with younger children and I do love chatting to moms with younger children! The title of her episode is A Parenting Tip for Being Frustrated with Your Toddler - link will be in the show notes and the entire episode is under five minutes in length!

Also if you are listening to this episode within a week of its release, I have a giveaway currently going on, on TikTok to celebrate passing 10,000 followers. It’s hard to believe that many people have watched and decided to follow me at some point or the other. So, thank you if that’s you, or if that’s going to be you, I appreciate all of you: listeners of my podcast, followers on social media, and more. Look for the video that says Enter Now in the thumbnail to enter - I’ll be hiding that video once the giveaway ends. Good Luck! 

00:11:45

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Celebrating you and your wins

Well, we have so much to celebrate this month from everyone. Super exciting!

Starting with TikTok shares, here we go:

HotFlashesAndCoolTopics: heading to 4th tennis clinic this week!

Bonnie Business Coach Frank: I took two weeks off work because my body was telling me that I needed a break. Entrepreneurs tend to be bad at self care and don’t stop working.  I can vouch for that!

Katie Robinson: I overcame a mental block and successfully did a flying sidekick over a stack of 4 targets in taekwondo for the first time in ages! For the past month every time I saw more than two targets stacked I would lose confidence and stutter-step instead of jumping over them, but no more!

Eyyy Its Tafen says im going back home in two day for a visit, ive been away for over a month now for college and i miss them

Yaggi Toshinori: I've been working on a drawing and I've improved much more than I thought I could!

Popping over to Instagram we have:

Okkilume: i finally made a decision to move where i truly want to live and quit my toxic workplace i'm still scared, but we're getting somewhere

Boneheaded_Alien says I’ve been consistently waking up before noon!

Skittelson135 says: i got the trash out on time!

Mannaquinskywalker06  : I’m closer to getting my permit than ever before

[cheers] 

I had so much fun gathering all of these together, reading them again and thinking of you all - thanks for sharing your wins with us.

If you want your win included next time, be sure to follow me on Instagram or TikTok and comment on the next Wednesday Win video that I post - be sure to add a microphone emoji so I know I have your permission to share your win with my listeners. Wins big and small we celebrate them all. I can’t wait to cheer you on!

00:13:25

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What’s in your life’s toolbox?

Your C.E.O. Toolbox is the analogy we use here for items and resources that help you get through tough moments, enjoy the amazing moments and then also, do some deeper work, as needed. Your C.E.O. Toolbox is yours. It should have things that work for you, and you should take inventory from time to time, because sometimes the things that worked well for you two years ago aren’t doing it for you any longer. Today’s recommendation is a fun one if you have one near you.

What is it? Now, I haven’t done this one myself but one of my clients did and absolutely LOVED it. It’s the idea of a destruction room or rage room. While she didn’t go to a destruction room or rage room, she mimicked it in her house, in a way. I might have their particulars off a bit but I seem to remember mention of boxing gloves, loud music, a pillow or two to hit and a lot of yelling. The result felt so good for them that they shared it with us and said, “maybe I should find a rage room?  “Now, they were alone, yelled a lot, and was completely safe -  had planned it out, if you are curious.

 I looked at her and said, “this is a toolbox item for you,” and quite honestly now I’m curious about trying this.

So, my listener, I ask you today, have you ever been to a rage room, or given yourself the space to consciously destroy something in an effort to allow your body to release whatever it is holding on to?

00:14:53

Let’s find the funny!

[giggles from others]

I did promise you the funny version of our gray hair grow out conversation and that was when I asked them what they thought the other person was thinking, they shared. And, I said, “so to be clear, you think that this person who probably is in Wal-mart or CVS or wherever you are isn’t thinking about the 400 things in their life but they’re really thinking something like”…

What is going on with her hair?  She is really letting herself go. How could she leave the house like that and be seen in public? Doesn’t she know what hair dye is? I think this store needs to make an announcement. [noise] excuse us shoppers but we have an important announcement to make: we have a shopper who has decided to leave her house, drive here, and shop in the midst of “going gray” She’s in aisle 14 and we think you all should head over there to take a good, long, look. Be sure to make a face, to tell her it isn’t becoming and that she should go home. Thank you and have a nice day.

So, at this point we are giggling a bit but then we add… what we think is really on in their heads.

I don’t know what my wife meant by this on the list. What is the smell in this aisle. Oh, they changed the box color and I’m not sure which item is the one I usually buy now. I can’t believe I lost my phone today! Do I have the money to buy this? [sigh] I’m so exhausted. Oh,I just want to go home and sleep. Paper. Paper. Oh, can’t my children just stay close to the cart so I don’t have to worry about them getting trampled by other carts?Paper, paper, paper, all I need is paper. Don’t look at the other things. Paper, I need paper. Yes, there it is. Woo hoo! I’m outta here….

This all started from the mention of going gray and we end up belly laughing over the store announcements and what everyone’s thinking. So, I hope that next time you catch that pit in your stomach or tension over what someone else may be thinking of you, that you remember more than likely  they’re dealing with their own stuff.

00:16:45

[computer game level up music (short)]

What I Wish My Parents Knew

There is something that parents and grandparents say often - I’ve caught myself saying this - and I’ve heard multiple people complain about the impact of it. I’ve been on the receiving end of it, too.The statement is “just wait until you are older.” 

The statement sometimes is around good things. Other times, it’s around things such as how great the younger generation has it now. 

And what I’ve heard from the younger-set is that - and that I’ve experienced -  is that it isn’t a super supportive statement. It has made me consider other things I can say when I start to want to say this - when I hear the words forming in my mind…

Rather than saying “just wait until you are older, ” How about… 

  1. I prefer honesty. So I’d probably lean toward, “You know I was going to say, “just wait until you are older, but I realize that isn’t super helpful.”  - and then wait, see what comes out of it. 

or

  1. That sounds frustrating (or exciting) is that how it feels? 

or

  1. I remember feeling something like that in my life. I’m happy to share that if you think it is helpful, otherwise, I’m also happy to be a place for you to process your experience.

Or how about

  1. If it’s more serious - “That sounds serious. May I help in any way? I’m finding myself wanting to jump in and help.” 

Those are some ideas. 

Obviously, you can keep saying “Just wait until you are older,” you do you after all. It’s easy to fall into the trap to think you know how something is going to play out for someone but ultimately, we aren’t them. So removing some assumptions - no matter how well we know them - might be an interesting thing to try. As always, have fun with it! 

00:18:30

Two Questions for You

Question 1: Are you able to identify thoughts that don’t serve you, throughout the day?

and Question 2: Have you been to or would you go to a rage room?

As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.

My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.

If you enjoy this episode please don’t forget to share it with others, it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. Yes, all the goodies, links and resources are in my show notes. I’ll be back next month with a new episode.

My empty nest or future-empty nest friend, have some fun. Take some deep breaths, take some walks, and feel your inner you within your body - you might learn something and of course, remember that  YOU ARE AMAZING!

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00:19:28

[bloopers]

00:20:29

Still Listening?

My new last name? It is now Oakfield. I am Christine Oakfield. I love it and am starting to get used to using it. Thanks for all the messages about my name change which I spoke about in my last episode.

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