Empty Nest Success Evangelist specializing in coaching mothers entering the empty nest. ★ Master Motivator ★ Podcast Host ★ Together we'll channel your freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy! ~ Christine, Your Empty Nest Coach
Do you have huge goals in your life but don’t know where to start? The huge goals are just the beginning. Today, I talk about how to view your big goals in a way that will allow you to take action in your life. I can’t wait to see what you do!
Take a listen or read the full transcript below.
⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll all the way down ⇓ so you don’t miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓
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Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 40. Forty? How am I at 40?… Hello, my future empty nest friend. Today’s episode came directly from some client work. I love working one-on-one with clients. It is totally my jam. Not only do I enjoy the deep dive work that we are able to do, but I find it energizing that by working with my clients, I am able to process my work on a deeper level, as well as refine the tools and analogies to bring it all to you. Right here.
00:00:00 Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 40. Forty? How am I at 40! The Problem With HUGE Goals. This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that has been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it is freaking you out. I’ve been there and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
00:00:45 Hello, my future empty nest friend. Today’s episode came directly from some client work. I love working one-on-one with clients. It is totally my jam. Not only do I enjoy the deep dive work that we are able to do, but I find it energizing that by working with my clients, I am able to process my work on a deeper level, as well as refine the tools and analogies to bring it all to you. Right here. This episode is a direct result of some client work. She’s ah-mazing! Just like you. Although, I’m not sure she believed that when we started working together. Together, she and I were able to figure out her sticking point, and I’m excited to bring it directly to you. So much freaking fun! By the way, can you believe I’m at episode 40? I can’t. It’s crazy. This goes live in two days, that last recording was awful, so I’m re-recording it just before I go on my retreat, and hopefully it is better and you like it. Thank you to my editor for telling me it’s not good enough. I appreciate you!
00:01:58 This topic is a little more advanced in concept. If I lose you, I encourage you to take a listen, or re-listen, to my Empty Nest Prep episodes, where I cover your thoughts and feelings a bit more. We all get these big goals, thoughts and ideas in our life. Don’t get me wrong, they are fantastic as a start. Thoughts like, I’m going to get organized. I’m going to lose weight. I’m going to find a new job. I’m going to discover a new career that is right for me. These are just some examples, and I want to take one of them and process through it together.
00:02:36 I’m going to get organized will be our example for today. It is a fantastic initial thought. But if the thought is only that thought and nothing else, you are left with a feeling that may not have you in a great place, because the inference is that you aren’t organized. Do you follow? When you walk into a room and your mind delivers the thought, I need to get organized, and then later, you go home, look at the kitchen, and you get the thought delivery, I need to get organized. Then, to the closet, same thought. The bathroom, same thought. Whew, those are some tough thought deliveries when they continue all day long in your mind. What is the action from that thought delivery?
00:03:29 As I see it now, the problem is that the thought is just too darn big. It could mean anything. When you walk around continually allowing the thought box “I’m going to get organized” to enter your mind, and then, you sit in that box, and feel whatever feeling you get, which since it is a significant and lousy thought, more than likely you aren’t sitting with a good feeling. What gets done? My guess, for many of us, is that not much changes. We don’t love the feeling we are feeling, but we are super comfortable with the thought that our mind likes to allow entry. Thoughts like, I’m not organized, or I need to get organized. You may even believe that not being organized is part of your identity.
00:04:18 I’m recording this to challenge you on that thought. Whether it is organization, being chronically late, finding a new career, or becoming healthier, I want you to take a moment and consider that you may not be that big thing that you think is your identity. It may just be a thought delivery problem. The package is way too big, and you continue to allow it in your mind, when in reality, you can send it back, and ask that it be delivered in a completely different way, or not at all.
00:04:51 Stay with me. Here’s your action item. Identify the big thought for you. If it is “I’m not organized.” I want you to become conscious enough in your thoughts that you notice the specific thought, “I’m not organized.” I then want you to use it as a trigger to tell your mind, that thought is too big. It isn’t actionable or helpful. The next time you walk into your office and see a mess, and you catch this thought delivery that is way too big, “you’re not organized” or “you need to get organized,” I want you to condition your mind to hear a doorbell. Maybe one you don’t particularly like, and with it arrives the message, “That thought is too big. It isn’t actionable or helpful.” Imagine a delivery person with a 1,000 pound box that they’re about to leave on your doorstep, with no way for you to move it inside. Would you want to accept that delivery?
00:06:00 Imagine that if you leave it outside your door, the doorbell continues to go off, and follow-up with that inactionable thought every few minutes. Annoying? You are allowing your mind to do this to you now, anyway, so let’s notice it, and take care of it. Now, when you hear the doorbell of that too big thought, work on saying to the delivery person, “That thought is too big. I need you to take it back and give me smaller actionable packages.” Then, look to your mind, your GPS to find a way to take a concrete action to move forward. You catch yourself thinking, I need to get organized. Doorbell rings. That thought is too big. It isn’t actionable, or helpful. What is one thing I can do now, to move forward? Maybe the next time you enter a room, you’ll decide that you will spend ten minutes today, cleaning one section of a desk. Make it small. Make it actionable and doable.
00:06:50 Ten minutes is easy, and when you refuse the big delivery, and accept one like, “I’m cleaning a small portion of my desk today,” you gain power in your life. Keep it simple, too. Stick to one area. Get used to connecting those thought deliveries and then, when you can address them with no problem, or have cleaned your entire desk, pick another area.
00:07:14 Think you need accountability? Ask someone to check on you later in the day and put an appointment on your calendar. Do this enough and you will see real change in your life. Why? Because it is the small consistent actions in life that will create massive change. If your thing is weight loss, you could use your too big thought delivery doorbell as an opportunity to choose one thing to do. It could be anything. Eat one more vegetable than you did the day prior. Maybe push your breakfast off an hour to slowly increase an intermittent fasting window, or switch a dessert out for a fruit. Want to see a real and significant change in your life, catch yourself thinking the big thoughts that cause inaction in your life. Start to notice the doorbell on those thought deliveries. Gaining power in your life always starts there.
00:08:08 I can’t wait to hear how you change your life. The questions I have for you in this episode are: one, do you have a big goal that is causing inaction in your life? And, two, are you ready to notice where you need to challenge yourself more?
I invite you to fly on over to our Facebook group, to share your answers to these questions with our amazing flock. Our name is Green Popsicle Sticks. Want to know why? Listen to episode number 17, or head to my website, youremptynestcoach.com/community for links to join our flock. I know that the adjustment to not having your kiddos at home full-time isn’t always easy, but it sure can be a ton more fun with a flock of friends. We look forward to seeing you there.
As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. You’ll find the show notes for this and every episode on my website. My next episode’s title is “How Early is Too Early to Begin Empty Nest Preparations?”
Psst…my empty nest friend, did you know that I have an online program, “The Empty Nest: First Steps Towards Success.” I also now offer GPS Reset Weekend Retreats, Unplugged and Charged Up, and that I am available for speaking engagements. For all the fun details, visit my website, or see this episode’s full show notes. I am thrilled to travel, and I can’t wait to meet you.
00:09:43 Don’t forget to subscribe to this podcast. It is free and you’ll be notified when I post a new episode every Friday. If my show has helped you in any way, please share it with one other person you think it will help. You’ll be giving them a free gift. Thanks for your time and energy with that, and thanks so much for listening, my empty nest friend. Remember, you are ah-mazing!
Today’s episode is something that has really, truly, I can’t stress this enough, changed my life. It’s been such a huge part of the changes I have made over the last eight months, that I decided to make it my free gift to you.
Take a listen, or read the transcript, below.
⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll all the way down ⇓ so you don’t miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓
Want to subscribe to this podcast? Great news – it is free!
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast with Coach Christine, episode number 13: Future You Has All the Power; I’m Telling You, She Does. … Hello, my empty nest friend! We are at lucky episode number 13, and it is lucky because I get to spend time with you today. Thanks for making time in your busy schedule to listen. You are the best! Today’s episode is something that has really, truly, I can’t stress this enough, changed my life. It’s been such a huge part of the changes I have made over the last eight months, that I decided to make it my free gift to you.
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast with Coach Christine, episode number 13: Future You Has All the Power; I’m Telling You, She Does. This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that has been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it is freaking you out. I’ve been there and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
Hello, my empty nest friend! We are at lucky episode number 13, and it is lucky because I get to spend time with you today. Thanks for making time in your busy schedule to listen. You are the best! Today’s episode is something that has really, truly, I can’t stress this enough, changed my life. It’s been such a huge part of the changes I have made over the last eight months, that I decided to make it my free gift to you.
What I am going to do in this episode is to walk you quickly through my entire free program, “The Empty Nest, a Guide to Uncovering My Future,” so you get an idea of what it is all about. I recommend that you take no less than seven days to get through my free program. This episode alone, may not be everything you need, but it may get you started on your dreaming, and then, when you’re ready to really dive in, take my free class.
I have seven steps to help you find future you. Step one is to dream. When I speak about dreams in this episode, I’m talking about those big, future goals, plans and ideas that totally inspire you. Remember those big dreams you had when you were like five through nine or ten years old? You didn’t care if your plans were realistic at all. You dreamed. You could have been a pirate on the moon fighting space aliens. But that’s what you wanted to do. You imagined, and you played it all out in your head. We are going to tap into that part of you. She’s still there. You’ve just been hiding her, really hiding her, for a long time.
The first thing you need to do is dream. I want you to dream big and I want you to not limit yourself. When you think to yourself things like, I’ve always wanted to be a hair stylist and then, automatically, your mind or your thoughts kick in to tell you why it isn’t a good idea. I want you to tell that part of your mind to just sshhh, for these exercises, and then, ask it for help. Give it a job.
Your mind loves to do two things. One, keep you safe doing what you’re doing. It likes routine and knowing you are safe. It also likes to solve problems. When you notice your mind, or your thoughts pushing back on you, as you start to dream, tell it not to worry, that you are just dreaming and ask for its help. Then, get to work dreaming. Not just any dream, I want you to dream big. I do not want you to have realistic dreams, something that really could happen anyway. I want you to have the “if I could wish for anything into existence tomorrow, what would it be” type of dreams. I’m also, not asking you to make a plan to make these dreams happen right now. I want you to dream about high-level big things that you would like to be able to say at the end of your life, that you have accomplished. Figure out what is really important you. Pick a time frame, five years out, 10 years out, 20 years out, and what are you doing in this dream of yours? That is step one. Ideally, spend a full day, multiple days or even a week or more on this. It might take you a few weeks just to tell your mind to sshhh when you are dreaming. It isn’t used to doing this. Is it? Don’t worry. It is worth the wait.
Step two is to write it down. I want you to schedule time for yourself to write down your dreams. Give yourself a minimum of 15 minutes, maybe 30. Heck, give yourself a half a day if you want. These are your big dreams. Get your favorite writing utensil, and a notebook, your favorite beverage and write down every dream that you came up with. No editing. Anything that pops in your head that seems outlandish, write that down too. This isn’t a contract. It’s simply an exercise. It should be fun and enjoyable. Don’t edit as you’re writing things down.
Congratulations! You are starting to find the real you again. She’s so worth getting to know. Remember, sshhh your mind on the “you can’t do thats” and “how will you do that” statements that pop into your head. We aren’t figuring out the how, we are dreaming about the what. You might think that this is kind of vision board time, but my friend, we are not even close. You have more work to do. Remember, too, that you can add things to this page at any time. Save it. We’ll come back to it in more than one step of this process.
We’re onto step number three, now that you’ve written everything down. You’ve gotten it all out of your head. Step number three is to pick one thing. Don’t overthink it. Look at your page and the first thing that jumps out at you, circle it. That’s all. Just circle it. Don’t change your mind. I want you to play it out through the remaining steps. Don’t change it. Got it? Awesome.
Step number four, this is really fun, to imagine in detail. This is where younger you, who liked to play make-believe, comes into play. I want you to spend a minimum of 24 hours throughout your day, imagining every detail of what your life would be like with what you chose in step three. I’m talking about what time do you wake up? Where do you live? What is your home like? Is it in the same location? What kind of foods do you eat? Who is your inner circle? What does your day look like? Do you work? How often do you work? Do you have a commute? Do you travel? Do you exercise? Get the idea? I want you to seriously imagine living into this choice.
As you go through your day, I want you to think about what would be different about your day if that choice was your reality and how does that make you feel? You may find there are things you love about your choice and you may find there are details that you really aren’t so thrilled about. When you really truly put your mind to work on this and imagine the details, you’ll learn more about yourself.
Once you feel that you have full understanding of what that choice means in your life, imagining every detail, now move onto step five and ask yourself how did I get there? Even if you already have a good feeling that you don’t love this choice, this is worth the extra step to gain clarity. The power in step four and five combined is unbelievable. Deeply imagining your possible future and then asking your mind how you got there, you’ll receive all the clarity you need. From who? Not from me, and not from your inspired family members or co-worker, but from you. You know the answer. It won’t be the same as anyone else’s.
You are listening to a podcast that is the realization of me doing this exact exercise. I said I want to help future empty nest women, but I couldn’t see any way that it would work. I work full-time and there are zero external factors that would say I can make this work. When I lived into this dream for a few days, seeing the details and finally asked my mind how I got there, I quite matter-of-factly received the direction, well of course, you woke up at 4:00 a.m. and worked on it before your day job. What?! That is a bit much. Trust me, anyone I share this with, tells me it’s too much for them too. It may be. That wasn’t their answer to their dream. It was my answer to my dream. I saw clearly how it would work, once I had the answer.
When you ask anyone other than yourself how to proceed, you are traveling down their path, not yours. Which might work, and might not, but who ultimately knows you better? Yup. Your brain loves to figure things out. Let it take this one for you. It doesn’t even need to make sense to you, the answer that you get. You don’t need to like it, but you’ll get some creative answers and this exercise is so much fun.
Now, we are at the most important question of all. Step number six, do I love it? Do I still want it? My answer initially to this was 4:00 a.m., nope, don’t want it. Then, I realized after living in my future, in my imagination, that I have my how, on how to reach my dream and I liked it. If I say no to this, five years from now, I’ll be exactly where I am today, with just some extra sleep. I ultimately want that dream and that goal more than I want some extra sleep.
There are some other things I’ve run this through with and seriously have realized that the details of that future life aren’t anything that I want, but I almost got to experience what it would be like. It’s almost like when you plan a vacation and you live in all of the details, and all of that fun and excitement of the upcoming vacation is something that you feel everyday, even though you’re not in the vacation already. It was fun, and it was worth the work. When I chose not to pursue those, it wasn’t giving up on a dream, it was me getting one step closer to knowing the real future me. Everyday I’m one step closer and I love it. You need to love your choice. This is step six. Do you? If not, no worries. Keep all the work you’ve done. Make notes on your reasons why and then jump back to step three. Pick another one and do the whole thing over again.
This step seven is kind of like a yes or no, go in two different paths. If you’re like me, you’ll find some of these choices that you said no to will pop up again, in your thoughts every once in a while. If you keep your notes, you may quickly address your why reasons that you had back then and see that those are the same and I really don’t want that, or maybe over time, they change. For the other path, if you find you love your choice, you can move to figuring out the how details, one step at a time. That would probably be another podcast episode, or maybe three.
Here’s the thing, once you get to know that version of future you, so tremendously well, it becomes about not letting her down, not letting you down. Everyone else doesn’t really matter. It’s highly motivating. If you’re intrigued by what I shared on this episode, and would like to dive in more, consider taking my free course, “The Empty Nest, a Guide to Uncovering My Future.” I walk through all of these steps in that program with videos and a workbook. You will find a link to this course on my website, youremptynestcoach.comand click The Future Freebie Course in the menu.
The questions I have for you in this episode are:
1) Do you have any idea who future you is?
2) What is the biggest dream you can think of for you, right now, and how does it make you feel?
Fly on over to our Empty Nest Flock at youremptynestcoach.com/community to share your answers with the entire flock. As of this recording, I have both a forum and a Facebook group available to see if one gathers more traction, and already am seeing that Facebook is becoming the clear winner. As of right now, you may pick your favorite to interact with the flock.
Why join our flock? The adjustment to you not having your kiddos at home full-time isn’t always easy, but it sure can be a ton more fun with a flock of friends. I look forward to seeing you there. As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that impact your life in a positive way. My next episode’s title is What to do Before Going to College: Now That the Decision Has Been Made, What Should We Do Next? I have a guest joining me for the episode. This is a big step in my podcasting. I would love to read your feedback or review here in an upcoming episode.
Either provide a review on Apple Podcast, or tag me on social media. If you have a question you would like me to answer on the podcast, you may submit it in my Empty Nest Flock or email me at podcast AT youremptynestcoach.com. Include your question and how you would like me to refer to you, meaning should I use your name, a pseudonym like future me in Fredericksburg, or anonymous. Thank you so much for listening, my friend.