154: How To Disentangle Through Divorce In The Empty Nest 💚

154: How To Disentangle Through Divorce In The Empty Nest 💚

Hello, my amazing friend. 👋

I almost didn't publish this one.

However, it has given me a bit of closure, and if it helps one person, it is worth sharing. 💚

In this episode, I share some of my personal journey as my husband and I transition toward divorce. I also share things that have helped me - and much more. 

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"My wish for you today is that you discover, or rediscover, something about yourself that you love."

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

Listen to @emptynestcoach 's 🎙podcast episode: How to disentangle through divorce in the empty nest  💚 #divorce #emptynestdivorce #life #emptynestsuccess #newepisode ▶

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Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:42 Podcast intro
  • 01:47  My wish for you today
  • 02:29 New things
  • 04:17 My Lessons Learned: divorce in the empty nest
  • 13:30 5 Things that have helped me in separation/divorce
  • 19:42 Sunk costs and final thoughts
  • 22:23 Ask Coach Christine:  Telling your parents you use new pronouns
  • 23:15  Christine, Where are You? 
  • 24:45 Find the Funny
  • 24:31 Two Questions for You
  • 26:53 Bloopers
  • 27:11 Still Listening? 

💚Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

Questions for You:

  1. How do you feel about divorce - in your life and the lives of others?
  2. What area of your life do you need to take a closer look at? 

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The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 154

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #154. Tap 30 seconds ahead if this isn't your first time listening and want to skip this introduction portion. I focus on mothers who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though, all are welcome here, as I’m all about coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up

[level-up music]

your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.

I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. Here we go…

[up beat music]

00:00:46

This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of may alter-ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.

00:01:15

[computer game level up music (short)]

The big (and heavy) topic for this episode is divorce - I'm opening up on how we (my husband and I) are disentangling our relationship through divorce. Is it a how to for everyone? [giggle] Probably not but it has/is becoming my husband and I's how to, and since I needed to hear from others their experience, I thought maybe someone might need to hear ours - or, mine because I certainly can't speak for my soon to be ex-husband.

If you wanna jump around in the episode, look for the time markers in the show notes.

00:01:47

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Wish for You Today

My wish for you today is that you discover, or rediscover, something about yourself that you love. You know, that thing that when you think about it, you know it is special and the corner of your mouth rises up with a grin because that part of you - or that talent - or gift of yours - is pretty freaking amazing. Give yourself permission to stop what you are doing now and think about it - or take time to discover it - and lean into it. Be proud of it. Own it. You are amazing!

00:02:29

[computer game level up music (short)]

New Things. New Things. New Things!

So many new things have happened but I'll pick two big ones in my personal life.

First, I received a TikTok video sponsorship! Helix Sleep sent me a mattress to review in exchange for a couple of videos about the mattress. I can't even begin to tell you how exciting this is for me, although, to be honest, part of me was really concerned because I'm awful at lying, so I did have a fear that I wasn't going to love the mattress. Thank goodness, it is freaking amazing - I want to go lay in it now it's so comfortable. Should you be curious, I'll put a link to my first video in my show notes. In that video I share how it is delivered in a box and also show the entire unboxing - our cat Lego supervised. If you are in the market for a mattress, I have a link for $200 off a Helix Sleep mattress and they'll send you a couple of pillows too - a link to that will be in my show notes, as well.

00:03:21

My other big new thing is that I was officially served with divorce papers, which means the 90-day countdown begins until it can be official. Such a weird thing and because of that, I thought I'd do a second episode about divorce in the empty nest, as I think it is important. I see so many things about reconnecting with your partner in the empty nest and it is fantastic if you are able to do so but for those who aren't - here is your reminder that you are not alone. That your worth is not based on your marriage. You are amazing no matter your relationship status. And you may even be happier.

In Your Empty Nest Coach-land, things that are new is that I'm actually no longer working at the grocery store which means I have a full two days off a week, again - which hasn't happened in quite some time - and that means, I've had time to do things like get back to working on our flock space, and this podcast. Yay, I'm so excited!

00:04:17

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Lessons Learned

Divorce in the Empty Nest

As mentioned earlier, I am in the process of a divorce. I wasn't the one who ultimately asked for it but I was the one who first mentioned the word divorce and gave my husband permission to consider it. Want to know why? Yeah, sometimes I do to [ha!]. But I'm going to be really real here in this episode about things that I think might help others, and also remember (in case you skipped this in the beginning) I'm sharing how we are handling it and things that have helped me. Should you be experiencing divorce or have it on your mind - always, always use your own internal GPS for guidance.

A few days after my husband's request, our discussion and quick decision to proceed with divorce, I went back and listened to episode 119 of my podcast - that one is titled 'does the empty nest cause divorce?'. Oh my goodness, it brought me so much peace. It is weird to have your past self comfort your current self. But that's what happened. So, if you are in the process of divorce or considering it - I encourage you to listen to that episode before the rest of this one. It is a really good starting point. And, honestly, I'm kind of fascinated by how helpful it was to me.

To be completely transparent with you, when you listen to that episode, you'll notice I put something out there that was big - especially in the "still listening?" portion. From where I sit now, I think that was me directly talking to myself, and, I admit to you today, that I hadn't yet done it myself. I knew I needed to at some point but man, it is freaking scary. I guess episode 119 was my way of preparing myself for the future - or where I am presently.

00:06:13

Anyway, after recording and making that episode live last year, there were some thought-deliveries that kept arriving in my mind that I couldn't quite let go of. I feel sharing this with you is important since I always talk about managing our thought-deliveries. Sometimes the ones that hang on need to be sorted and moved somewhere else, and sometimes they require deeper inspection.

The latter was the case for me.

What I'm about to share with you is not meant to make you feel bad for me, or bad for my soon to be ex-husband, or for you to take sides. Look, none of that matters in my life or his, we each have our own stories and plans to manage. I'm sharing this with you because a while ago I needed someone to share their experience with me - for me to learn and consider divorce as an option despite it being the opposite of everything I was told my whole life. It allowed me to give permission to both of us to consider it, and it allowed us both, ultimately, to be free.

So whether this episode resonates with you or not, keep it in mind in case someone you know might need it in the future.

And a final note before I proceed, I am NOT pro-divorce. I'm pro considering divorce. What feels better...knowing your partner WANTS to be with you or wondering if they do?

Something I heard a while back from someone was that they they check-in each year with their husband to see if they would choose each other again if they met today. And she was always excited that the answer was yes.

Oh, the emotions that came up for me when I first heard this. What if... what if they wouldn't? What if you have different answers? What if... What if...

00:07:54

That stayed with me for a while. Now, as you know if you've listened to me for a while, I've been cleaning up my thought-deliveries for years, and when I recorded the divorce episode I mentioned, the words of this person came back to me, and I also felt a bit horrified because if I was honest with myself, I had no proof based on recent experiences that my husband would choose me today - and I was fairly certain he wouldn't.

To be honest, I wasn't sure how I felt.

Anytime divorce did come up in topic he always said, "divorce isn't an option."

Maybe that was supposed to bring us comfort. I know he meant well. But it never brought me comfort and I really wasn't sure why until I had the courage to look deeper into my own thoughts. Which was really tough to do. Ultimately, I landed on when divorce isn't an option, then you're stuck. Does he feel stuck? Am I stuck? Are we both stuck? What if it was an option?

When you can't get out of something because you can't get out of something, what is really going on? Are you happily married to the love of your life and can't wait to grow old with them or is 'divorce not an option'. I wanted the former and I, honestly, wasn't feeling either of us were there.

While I sound pretty calm and peaceful about this, now, please know that I've done a lot of healing over the last five months. I've been sad. I've been angry. I've been overwhelmed - and you know I don't like using the word overwhelmed, but I chose it more than a few days and owned it.

Considering all of this was NOT easy.

There are a lot of reasons I've been less podcasty over the last few months and it is because I was working on myself a lot, and navigating this transition. It isn't easy. It sucks. It sucks big time and it is CRAZY scary.

00:09:45

Anyway, I'm a little all over the place, but six months or so after my Divorce in the Empty Nest episode aired, I (with the help of a margarita) I brought up the possibility of considering divorce to my husband. I don't even know what sparked it in the moment. It was my daughter's graduation weekend, we were away, and talking about the future - the two of us- and I guess I felt if I didn't say it now, I may never say it. What did I think was going to happen? Honestly, I had NO idea. I didn't actually think we'd get a divorce, to be honest.

I think I thought that we'd have a discussion, work through some things and realize that we are both overworked, exhausted and find maybe some hobbies to do together and work things out long-term. Rediscover some things missing in our relationship, and find a future together. I think I thought that was going to be the catalyst for that to happen.

Maybe that's what I thought.

But as the conversation continued, I found myself saying things like, "don't stay married to me because you have to provide for us, I'll figure things out." "don't stay married to me because divorce isn't an option, stay married to me because you love me, we have fun together and can't wait to do things together in this next part of life," and the final one, "I can't make you happy. Making you happy, isn't ultimately my job it is your job to figure out what makes you happy and if you do that better without me, you should. Life is too short." or something like that.

00:11:10

Let me tell you, it was scary. It was weird, and there wasn't a back and forth about but we don't really want that. It just was out there... that should have told me something. But I guess what was MORE scary, in the end, was living the rest of my life wondering if he really wanted to be with me. Pretty much knowing the answer but never having the courage to ask it because I was too scared.

Well, about 30 days after that margarita-filled conversation, my husband sat me down and said he wanted a divorce.

I radically accepted it in the moment. It was probably not what he expected, although he had done his research online and knew he was to be prepared to expect anything - and I have to say, that's good advice because we can't control other humans and we certainly can't pretend to know how they'll react. It was a bit shocking that he had already processed a lot of the details of it all. But, I guess, emotionally, I was prepared enough since I was the one who brought it up and allowed him to consider it.

00:12:10

Part of me was like, okay, I'm not crazy, he wasn't happy and I gave him the opportunity to be free and that felt good that I was able to do that for him - for both of us. Another part of me went into ' okay, what do we need to do mode,' - which I do that mode pretty well, [giggle] and then the last part of me was relieved - relieved that, again, I wasn't crazy. I - I felt his unhappiness around the house, and that maybe things will be more peaceful for both of us. And in the end we both deserve a relationship - should we choose to be in one in the future - that is supportive, loving and lifts us up.

ooooh kay - so there are a whole bunch of details and things that aren't really anyone's business that I'm not going to get into but all I can say is that while some things suck, and while I'm still trying to navigate a ton of things with the change, on the whole, the transition has been really good. The scariest part for me has been the financials as he's been the breadwinner since my daughter was born. Am I going to be okay? Of course. Is can be scary day to day, and that is where I work on my presence and not letting the doom possibilities to creep in. Although, as you probably know, some days that is easier than others.

I do want to share with you a handful of things that have helped me navigate the transition well.

00:13:31

  1. First, and most important, is Conscious Effective Olympian (C.E.O.) work - I have to say the work I've done over the last few years in clearing my thought-deliveries, discovering my own internal GPS, using it for guidance, in focusing on presence, and radical acceptance of what is was a the most important part of the, so far, fairly successful navigation of this transition.

There was a lot in what I just said, so feel free to listen to that again.

  1. Second: Therapy - I got a therapist! Someone who doesn't know me. Doesn't know my husband. Doesn't know my friends and family. And having that safe space to hear myself talk and process and remind me that I'm powerful and amazing and that things that I have been labeling one way might actually be something else - this has all been incredibly helpful. I recommend it to everyone - and as a coach, of course I do. Seriously, though, whether it is a coach or therapist - if you are navigating all of this, I hope you have a safe space to process things. If you can't afford it, try my next thing which I did a ton before I started therapy.
  2. And that's number three: Nature, nature and more nature. Just get out in Nature. A lot. As much as you can. It was my lifeline. I'm sorry if this is a bit too woo for you but I really feel a person's energy and the energy in our household wasn't great over the last year or so. I don't always know where energy that drains me comes from, but I feel it and it impacts me. And I need to escape the energy drain to ground myself. Getting out in nature does that for me. I walked sooo much just after we moved here and before my husband and I had our final discussion... and if you have been listening or following me on the socials for a while, I've been sharing my nature walks with you. I can't say enough about getting outside and experiencing it all with all of your available senses. Combine that with a piece of paper and pencil or journal to process what comes up while you're outside and you may gain insights that surprise you - I know I did! I actually keep a pen and piece of paper in my walking vest.
  3. Number four: move things. Physically move things. This is for those of you who are staying in the house that you lived in together with your partner. If you have a spare room, maybe consider moving into that one, or change your furniture layout completely, and don't be afraid to move things around the house to make it feel like it's different - or new - or just yours. This is boots-on-the-ground tactical help that I found by accident, and it helped me separate myself from the relationship while still living where the relationship existed. My daughter and I started with the living room and decorated it in a fun bug theme (really cute bugs) and then we added things that make us happy and smile - that are ours. We did it on a budget - and used Facebook marketplace and Goodwill for much of it.

00:16:44

And one of the best things I've done - I kind of wish I did it sooner is that my daughter and I switched bedrooms. It really isn't easy living where you lived with your partner (and we weren't even in this space together long) but with all [of] their things, the way furniture was setup and more, it makes it difficult to move past things on the daily when there are constant reminders. I certainly don't want to negate our history together and our marriage, but I prefer to have moments where I choose to have the reminders rather than having them forced upon me minute upon minute upon hour upon day - well, you get the idea.

ANYWAY, giving my daughter the master bedroom with on-suite bathroom may seem wild to some people and while we did it initially because her room is warm, mine was cold and we both would prefer heat-wise to be in opposite rooms, the switch made sense us. But, ultimately, the change has been so good for me, mentally. It is fully my space. It's cozy. I got a new mattress - thanks again, Helix, got new bedding and am really making it my own.

My husband is in his new space- and I feel like I have my new cozy space here. I love it and it has been one of the best things for my mental health. I feel like I have a new home without having a new home, if that makes sense. Do you have to do this? Of course not but I would definitely consider something like this if you are having trouble living in the space you were in with your partner and can't move.

One day I'll get to the boxes and photos and all that - one day.

00:18:15

  1. My final tip for this transition is YNAB - I can't praise YNAB enough. I remember a friend telling me about YNAB - it stands for You Need a Budget - years ago she told me and I have had it on my radar for this entire time. Hubby wasn't sold on it when I mentioned it a while back, so, literally days after the divorce discussion I purchased my YNAB subscription.

How funny is that?

And within another day, I had gone through all of my finances, decided how much I was going to have to earmark to live off of while we transitioned all the things over the next few months. This has been life-changing for me. I could honestly talk about YNAB for three full episodes but I'll spare you. [giggle] YNAB if you ever listen and want to talk sponsorship, I'm a HUGE fan - consider me!

Anyway, and if you, my listener, have never heard of YNAB, You Need a Budget, please check it out - divorce, married, single, whatever your status - my ADHD brain loves it so much and I even gifted a subscription to my daughter who already has enjoyed the value of it.

Seriously, finances are a HUGE thing with a divorce - I mean, I guess if you have millions, maybe not, but, yeah, umm, if you can't tell...that isn't me. [giggle] Just in case you had any remaining doubt. [giggle]

00:19:42

[music interlude]

Wow, this was a lot. Long story short, life is too short to be in a relationship that doesn't serve you, or your partner well. Sunk costs are that - sunk - we can't get them back: time in a relationship, energy we put in, money spent, decisions made. We can't change that and when we use those to keep us trapped forward we are - trapped. There is a great (under 5 minute) video that explains sunk costs that I'll link it in the show notes - in case you need a refresher and to hear it explained well from someone else about multiple things.

A great way to proceed forward without focusing on the sunk costs is to imagine yourself being dropped into your life, right where you are now - without all of the invested time, money and energy - would you fight being dropped into your life where you are now, and if so, why? What is scary about it? What would you change? What is stopping you from changing it right now? or would you happily be dropped in and be ready to stay forever?

Honestly, it can be tough to consider this and it takes bravery for most of us.

Where am I now with it all? Well, after our initial divorce discussion, both of us went back and forth at some point on do we want to try this - nah, we don't - well, maybe... do we we did even a brief 'let's date period' too but in the end - the answer was no.

Where we are now is a fairly amicable divorce. Sure, there are things I miss, and there are a lot of things I really don't miss. Right now, my home is happy. There is laughter. I can be myself all of the time now, and I like myself. I am pretty freaking cool, but I'm also a lot for some people. And if that means I need to be alone, or with someone else who can handle my a lot-ness, I'm okay with that. I'm proud of who I am. Faults and all. And I certainly have faults, we all do. But I do love to learn, I love to level-up my life and myself, I love to laugh, I don't take life too seriously and I wanna to be at the end of my life knowing I lived it fully.

So where I am now is peaceful, excited to see what is ahead for me - that includes the tough moments as well as the beautiful moments.

And as for divorce, it is something I've experienced. It is not who I am, so I while I'm not going to hide it but I also am not going to rehash it over and over because, my friend, I have enjoying the journey and living life at the top of my to do list and that means moving forward.

00:22:23

[music]

Ask Coach Christine - N/A

This episode is going to be longer so I'm gonna cut a couple of segments, but I was recently asked on TikTok, "Do you have any advice for telling my parents that I use they/them pronouns now? I know it's a big change in how they'll see me."

I actually did two video responses for this one and I'll link both in my show notes.

The first one was congratulating the person asking for discovering who they are, finding pronouns that resonate with them, and having the courage to use the new pronouns, and I'm excited for them. My wish and hope is that their parents hold space for them, and are able to listen in a loving manner when they are told.

The second video was a hotline video for parents, and managed to fit my response into a one minute video - it's always fun when my alter ego, Sally, is able to jump in.

I hope these help and that the conversation goes well!

00:23:15

[quirky music under segment]

Christine? Christine? Christine, where are you?

You can find me on two recent podcast interviews and I have two more scheduled this week!

First up is episode 8 of The Pursuit of Evolution podcast hosted by TEDx speaker and resilience educator, Casey Jourdan. Casey and I chat about my daughter heading off to college early, the power of radical acceptance, I talk a bit about my marriage separation and what life is like now with my daughter back home. And I love what Casey shares about her return home from her time in the military at a young age, as well as how her relationship with her mother changed after her parents' divorce.

Next up is episode 82 of the Mama Mindset podcast hosted by Amy Cothren, another incredible woman. Amy's a stay at home mom to three girls. Amy's crushing podcasting and giving so much of herself to lift up other stay at home mothers. She wanted to know how to prepare for the empty nest when our kids are young. We talk about homeschooling my daughter, how I entered the empty nest, steps to take at any point in parenting to prepare (or try to prepare) for the empty nest years, dealing with our parents' empty nesting, and Amy's red tape - that is worth the listen! And wow, can Amy assemble great promo materials for her guests - seriously, she tagged me in some amazing videos - thank you, Amy!

00:24:45

Let’s find the funny!

[giggles from others]

If you know me at all, you know I love to laugh. Humor is therapy for me and yes, while, I'm related to one of the co-hosts, wow, the Wonka Watch podcast has me laughing out loud in every episode at least once or twice if not a ton more. And the funny part is I've usually heard most of it before it's live - yet it continues to make me laugh. So, if you don't mind raw humor with cursing, and want to listen to two of the most creative and the funniest humans I know talk about Willy Wonka - check it out.

00:24:31

Two Questions for You

Question 1:  How do you feel about divorce - in your life and in the lives of others?

and Question 2:  What area of your life do you need to take a closer look at?

Wrap-up

As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.

My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.

If you enjoy this episode please don’t forget to share it with others, it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. And of course, follow the show in your favorite podcast player!

As always, you'll find a ton of information, resources and more on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com. A special thanks to SupaPass, my current employer and what powers our GPS Support Flock Community - you can join today while I prepare for it's official launch in 2022!

I’ll be back with a new episode in a couple of weeks or so - it will be another affirmation episode, like my last one. I haven't yet decided on the topic, so let me know if you have a request.

My beautiful friend, life likes to keep us guessing, doesn't it? Enjoying the journey - filling your life with peace is possible even when life throws you a curveball or two - or ten. You can handle it all I have absolutely no doubt! Don't forget it, and as always, never forget that you are amazing.

Chat next time!

[end music]

[00:26:53]

[bloopers]

00:27:11

Are you still listening?

Take a deep breath in, my friend. Let the air out. Take another deep breath in and as you breathe in imagine positive energy, good thought-deliveries and peace filling you from head to toe. Imagine they push aside negative thoughts and energy and force them to escape with your next breath out. Repeat this as necessary.

[end music]

[end]

153: Listen to this episode when the holidays are approaching 💚

153: Listen to this episode when the holidays are approaching 💚

Hello, my amazing friend. 👋

Thanks for stopping by!

I'd love to know if you find this episode helpful in any way. 

Looking for the printable transcript? Click here to register and gain access! 


 

Holiday Topics Included

  • Your adult/emerging adult child is home for the holidays

  • Your family stresses you out

  • You are alone

  • Dealing with parental guilt

  • Mourning a loved one

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"My amazing friend, I'm not here to become your guru or advice provider. Nah, that's way too much pressure for me, to be honest. I'm here to guide you on a path to discover how to use you as your own internal GPS, and I'll cheer you all along the way."

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

Listen to @emptynestcoach 's 🎙podcast episode: Listen to this episode when the holidays are approaching  💚 #collegeparents #life #emptynestsuccess #newepisode ▶

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This Episode is Brought To You By

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:42  Podcast Intro
  • 01:10   Why am I creating these episodes? 
  • 03:23  How to use the GPS Reset exercises/affirmations
  • 05:13  The topic is holidays
  • 05:50  When your emerging adult child is home for the holidays
  • 08:30  When visiting family stresses you out 
  • 10:52   When you are alone during the holidays
  • 13:25    When you have parental holiday guilt
  • 16:56    When you are mourning a loved one

💚Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

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The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 153

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Listen to this episode when the HOLIDAYS are approaching.

Hello, amazing human! This episode is a little different from my normal episode. It is something I have been wanting to do for a long time. I did these in Clubhouse when I was active there and titled them GPS Reset exercises. My tentative plan is to do one episode of these a month with supporting documents in our Empty Nest Success online space.

For those of you who are new here, I will include my normal intro- go ahead; for those of you who are used to it, tap that 30-second forward button and dive right in. You'll also find time markers to topic sections in the show notes - you may need to tap details or more (depending on what app you are using to listen) to view those. Thanks for listening. Here we go.

00:00:42

[up beat music]

This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter-ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.

00:01:10

Why am I making these episodes?

Well, that's a great question! I've had people reach out to me through social direct messages, emails, and sometimes voice messages - in those messages they share with me that while they are doing their thing: walking, doing chores, having conversations in their head - you know, living their life, they'll hear my voice in their head saying something they've heard me say on the podcast. And sometimes, that allows them to reframe the situation they're in.

For those of you who this is true for - or for who it may become true for, I want to assist a bit more by creating some affirmations and positive thoughts - these GPS Resets - for key moments in your life. These are events that might lead you to sit back and allow your protector to take over and run your life. Your protector (or what some view as our ego) does this because they take their job seriously, and they want to - protect you - but when they take over, we, as humans, never get to consider other possibilities in life. We are limited in how we experience moments, and our true selves continue to hide away -missing yet another opportunity to live life, figure out who we are, and to grow - missing out on allowing our own internal GPS to build strength.

Sure, doing this work may mean we experience moments that are incredibly raw and filled with emotion - trust me - I've been experiencing a ton of this myself over the last few years - and especially this year. It is, after all, MUCH easier to allow our protector to- protect us. It's easier to walk through life on auto-pilot.

00:02:50

Here's the thing. It is your life.

You get to choose how to proceed. It doesn't matter to me one way or the other what you choose to do - I'd love to see you choose you - but ultimately, it's all you to decide, my amazing friend.

Ask yourself, do I want to sleepwalk through life, or do I want to consciously wake up and begin - or continue to - consider the thoughts in my mind?

All of these things are why I am creating these episodes. To begin you on your journey of considering your thoughts.

00:03:23

[computer game level-up music (short)]

My amazing friend, I'm not here to become your guru or advice provider. Nah, that's way too much pressure for me, to be honest. I'm here to guide you on a path to discover how to use you as your own internal GPS, and I'll cheer you all along the way.

And with that in mind, what is even more powerful than hearing MY voice in your mind, is to hear YOUR voice in your mind.

If you are short on time, and one of these affirmations really resonates with you, use them as is. However, if you're ready for the next step, I encourage you to pop over to our Empty Nest Success online space, where you will find a PDF of the full transcript of this episode. Download it , copy the text that works for you, modify it, adjust words that don't resonate with you, and replace them with better ones - ones that work for you! Be genuine to you; imagine your future self talking to you now, and what would they want to say to you? When you have text that resonates with you, open your voice app on your phone, record it in your voice - title it appropriately so you can find it quickly and get listening.

If you are like me - I have an ADHD brain - it may take you a while to get used to remember you have it on your phone as an option, but one day you will remember... and then you'll find messages for all sorts of times that you can reference whenever you need them. You may even find yourself creating your own for times that you know you'll need them for.

May this encourage and inspire you going forward.

Thanks for listening, and thanks for gifting yourself with this - future you and I are cheering you on, my amazing friend - you're taking one more step toward becoming the Conscious Effective Olympian (the C.E.O.) of your life!

00:05:13

[computer game level-up music (short)]

HOLIDAYS

The focus for today's GPS Reset Exercises is HOLIDAYS. Initially, I was going to focus on Thanksgiving, but what I found in preparing this is that the general holiday season brings up similar themes for most of us.

I have five versions of this for you. In each version, I'm going to say them and then leave space for you to repeat what I say. That's how they're meant to be used. I covered the five first instances that came to my mind with my limited time available. Hopefully, if your holiday status isn't covered, this will inspire you to make your own version. Check my show notes to jump to the title that resonates with you, or enjoy them all.

00:05:50

[computer game level-up music (short)]

This GPS Reset Exercise is for when your Adult/Emerging Adult Children are Home for the Holidays

With the holidays ahead, I know the energy in my home is about to change as my children return home. I gift myself with patience as I navigate the emotions that arise in me. I gift my children with love, love, and more love. I take a deep breath in and out and let go of the roles we have filled in the past. I take another deep breath in and out and consider the opportunity I have to get to know my child(ren) all over again. Releasing past experiences, releasing future expectations, [and] Setting loving boundaries ahead of time, if needed. Lovingly communicating with my adult child and understanding that I can fill a new role of support going forward: the safe space, the listener, and the cheerleader - even when they share dreams and goals that scare me. I gift myself now with time to consider how I would like to proceed in our relationship first letting go of all past and prior expectations. I am an amazing human. I am worth gifting myself this time now to discover how I would like to change things in the future. Be it my relationship with my children and, more importantly, with myself. I will embrace the chaos when it happens, laugh when I can, cry when I need to, and everything in between. I am worth this time. I am worth this work. I am an amazing human ready to embrace the holidays.

00:08:30

[computer game level-up music (short)]

This GPS Reset Exercise is for when Visiting family that stresses you out.

With the holidays ahead, there is an expectation that I will spend time with my family. Some of my family members drain my energy. I take a deep breath in and out as I consider who just came to mind. I take another deep breath in and out and consider: do I HAVE to spend time with them over the holidays? - Knowing the answer may surprise me. I gift myself with time now to consider ways to navigate holiday time with them I consider loving boundary statements to have on hand should I need to gift myself with time away from them. I am doing the work to discover who I am, and as I do that, it sometimes makes it evident who I need space from in order to take care of myself. I am worth that. I need to protect myself and my family; I deserve the gift. No one will do it for me, but I can do it for myself. I will remember that one small change in this area is a HUGE change for me, and I will be patient as I begin to protect my energy. I am an amazing human. I am worth this uncomfortable work, and I'm ready to embrace the holidays with love, boundaries, and a dash of humor.

00:10:52

[computer game level-up music (short)]

This GPS Reset Exercise is for when you are Alone During the Holidays

With the holidays ahead, there is a societal expectation that I will spend time with family and friends. As of right now, I have no plans. I take a deep breath in and a deep breath out as I consider what I am making this mean. I take another deep breath in and a deep breath out to consider if I want to be alone or not. I take another deep breath; in let it out to consider if the answer is no; I will consider all of the ways I could not be alone and virtual meetings count!

When I am happy being alone, I give myself permission to enjoy the quiet. When I'd rather not be alone, I provide a safe space to myself to consider out-of-the-box ideas on how to share my life with others. I deserve time to rest; I deserve time to rejuvenate myself. I am patient with myself as I figure out what I want this holiday and for future holidays. Being alone, I have the opportunity to break traditions and make my own. I will embrace the things that bring me joy. I will do things on this day that make me feel rested, peaceful and seek out some laughter. I will feel my emotions knowing I am strong enough to process through them. I am an amazing human, whether I'm in a room full of people or whether I'm by myself.

00:13:25

[computer game level-up music (short)]

This GPS Reset Exercise is for Holiday Parental Guilt

With the holidays ahead, I gift myself with focusing on my own family. I take the time to release comparisons that my mind likes to do with others who I might believe are "doing it better," whatever that means. I take a deep breath in, let it out ,and release any ideas of what others do. I take another deep breath in, and out, as I release any thoughts that I may be "less than" in my role as a parent. With one more deep breath in and out I release expectations that I have for myself that haven't been placed there from a source of love and understanding of my life, abilities, and financial status.

I am an amazing human who has done the best I could in every moment. I remind myself that hindsight is 2020 that I can't change the past, but I can be ever-present in the present, and there is no greater gift to give my child than being a safe space for them than being a good listener and cheering them on I gift myself with removing any assumptions I have about them I will remind myself that my children have their own struggles their own dreams their own emotions and that those may be vastly different from mine That doesn't make theirs wrong or mine wrong. I will gift myself in noticing my thoughts about them, and about myself. I will choose thoughts that bring me peace. I will remember to be the best me that I can be in every moment that is all anyone can ask of me, and I'm freaking amazing anyway, so I'm going to be my best amazing self this holiday that I can be in each and every moment knowing that my best self is different moment to moment and that, is an incredible gift I can give to me, and when I take care of myself my children will learn to honor their amazing self. I'm ready for this holiday, and I'm going to enjoy each moment.

00:16:56

[computer game level-up music (short)]

This GPS Reset Exercise is for Holidays While Mourning A Loved One

I am here in this moment, right now. I have had a lot to process over the last year or years, and I know that the holidays will bring up emotions of my loved ones that aren't here with me. I give myself extreme permission to feel those emotions. I also give myself extreme permission to feel opposing emotions. I remind myself that it is perfectly fine for me to feel peaceful. It is more than okay for me to laugh, and, yes, I can have happiness while I continue to mourn.

I will cherish memories; I will make new ones. I remind myself that the new memories do not erase past memories. They are simply new memories. I will take deep breaths in and out as I navigate the holiday ahead without my loved one. I miss them. And that is okay. I wish they were here. And that is okay. I will notice my thoughts, process my emotions and then pull myself into the present - where I am now. I will notice things I didn't notice before. I will look for beauty everywhere, and I will fiercely love myself in every moment. I will enjoy time I have with those I have the honor to spend time with. Most of all, I will gift myself with tremendous love and patience. I will gift myself with discovering what I need - whether it is to be in a room full of people or to spend some time alone. There is no right or wrong answer - there is what I need. I gift myself with that, and I remember through it all that I am freaking amazing.

That's all I have for today. Remember, make these your own. Take what resonates, and leave the rest. Modify them - record it for yourself.

[up beat music]

You have an amazing tool, friend - it is your powerful mind - and I encourage you to use it for you rather than against you. You've got this, and have a wonderful, peaceful, thought-conscious-filled season. You are amazing!

You are amazing!

[End]


152: Powerful Pauses in Your Life 💚

152: Powerful Pauses in Your Life💚

Hello, my amazing friend. Thanks for stopping by!

I'm popping in with a fun new segment, and sharing about the pause in my life. 

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"My beautiful, amazing, resourceful friend, I'm impressed by you. You made time to do something for you. Do more of that, and then do even more. You deserve it. You deserve rest. You deserve trying new things, you deserve peace. You won't be given it - you'll have to make time for all of these things but you - YOU ARE WORTH IT."

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

Listen to @emptynestcoach 's podcast episode: Powerful Pauses 💚  #collegeparents #life #emptynestsuccess #newepisode ▶

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This Episode is Brought To You By

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 01:11 Quick Reminders
  • 02:43 Pauses
  • 04:56 Opportunities
  • 06:38 Celebrating You and Your Wins
  • 07:23 Thank Yous
  • 10:27 Random Book Segment Two Questions for You
  • 14:54 Two Questions for You
  • 16:46 Bloopers
  • 17:17 Still Listening?

💚Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

Questions for You:

  1. Are you pausing anything in your life right now? Should you be pausing something?
  2. Do any of the quotes resonate with you? 

First Time Here? Try This Order of Episodes

Episode Resources

   Elaine Best: Angus Eye Tea | Sloshbucklers

   Carolyn Kiel: Beyond 6 Seconds

    Elaine & Felicia: Wonka Watch - coming soon! Follow on Instagram

* affiliate link to SupaPass - which powers our community! Should you purchase using the link, I make a commission.

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The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 152

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #152. Here, I focus on mothers who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - I like to say that we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries though, all are welcome here, as I’m really all about coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up

[level-up music]

your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.

I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. Here we go…

[up beat music]

00:00:42

This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of may alter-ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.

00:01:11

Some quick reminders: You’ll find a ton of information, resources and more on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com. A special thanks to SupaPass, my current employer and what powers our GPS Support Flock Community. I'm incredibly lucky to work on this team, and my friends, I'm working on some really cool things for you in this new online home in 2022, but you can be an early bird and join today while I prep it all for you - you'll gain access to my twice-monthly group coaching calls and a ton of resources - and you'll have today's price locked in forever.

00:01:47

[computer game level up music (short)][computer game level up music (short)][computer game level up music (short)]

Well, hello, amazing friend!

The all-over-the-place life situations have continued for me right into the fall. This month, I got to speak at a conference that was one of my big goals and it was more incredible than I could have imagined. On the other side, in less than two weeks, I'm going to be served divorce papers, I also was recently diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 50 - and wow, I've really had to take time to take care of myself as I navigate all of these things in my new life ahead.

There's so much I want to share with you but at the same time, eh, you have your own things going on... and, sure, I could easily talk for 2 hours on this podcast about my life - but thinking about what I want to share with you - is it this? is it that? it kept making me put off recording ... and put off recording and put off recording.

00:02:43

So, today, with one day left in October, I've decided to focus on a couple of my usual segments and then do something a little different. This episode is to remind you that it's okay to keep making time for yourself. It is okay to put a pause on things - my friend Lee Uehara named a break in podcasting a "pod pause" - I love that. I REALLY love the idea of pausing things. When life starts coming in incredibly fast - good and bad - it can quickly become too much to process - especially for my ADHD brain. Can't I hyper focus on one just thing, please? That's what I want to say. 😆

Anyway, here is my plan for this episode I'm going to share your wins that you shared with me - because I LOVE doing that; I'm going to Thank some people; and then I'm going to open a few of my favorite books - books that have provided me comfort over the last six months of my life - and I'll share a random quote from each one.

00:03:44

Back in January, didn't I say I would enjoy the journey this year? Yes, yes, I did.

And with that, I've decided (recently) that I will no longer chase after things. For two reasons: Llfe is too short to spend my time chasing down people and things that aren't meant to be in my life; and by doing that I make room for the things that are meant to be in my life - they are meant to fill my mind, and to fill my time.

At She Podcasts Live I attended this soul-refreshing yoga session led Elsie Escobar, one of our hosts- I seriously could listen to that woman talk for days on end - about anything - her goats, her family, podcasting, her childhood experiences, you name it. But what Elsie challenged us to do that morning - in the yoga session - was to set an intention for the conference. I didn't have one. I was already speaking which was a goal of mine, and I was going to be happy with whatever came next. So, I blanked - and then I realized my intention was to go with whatever was presented to me. Whatever is presented to me.

00:04:56

During the conference, I had people invite me on their podcast. I had a media buyer talk to me about sponsorship. I met people I want to work with in the future and can't wait to share their stories and knowledge with you!

What will come out of all of this?

Well, there is a part two to this - it's important - and that is that I yes, I have put things out into the world, and sure, I'll do my follow-up but I've decided that (the part two is REALLY important)

  • that decision to no longer chase after things. Oh, I'll put myself out there for anything that seems remotely reasonable or not reasonable (for example - I applied to Survivor - yes the CBS show) but that is where I leave them and I'll see what happens. My worth isn't based on the opportunities that are presented to me.

00:05:48

I'm here to enjoy the journey. I've fully embraced that, and I'm going to have find the fun in experiences and find the peace. I'm going to take care of myself; use my C.E.O. toolbox items well and embrace things that make sense to me - and some things that make no sense at all.

Life has gotten really exciting when I present myself to a ton of opportunities and then see where they take me. I don't know about you but I'm really excited to see what happens next. I'm truly - kind of ready for almost -anything.

In my last episode, I know I've promised you details about different aspects of my life. If you were waiting to hear that - let me know. I'm kind of curious who really wants to know this. I do have a plan for next episode. I haven't forgotten about them and I will share that.

00:06:38

[computer game level up music (short)]

Celebrating you and your wins.

First our wins from TikTok followers:

SunnyDay shares, " I started taking medication for anxiety and it's been three weeks without any anxiety or sensory overloads 🥰."

**SorryCurve shared, "**I got hired as a substitute teacher while I'm finishing my degree to be a SpEd teacher 🥰."

And I love this one: Nina shares, "My mom and I have finally come to peace with me moving out, we're both so excited instead of anxious about leaving the nest!"

And a win from Instagram: **Carolyn of WellnessWhileWalking shares, "**I'm a month into journaling most days. It's been a hard practice to maintain, but I'm doing better this time around!"

[crowd cheers]

00:07:23

Some thank yous that I feel [are] necessary to share...

First is She Podcasts Live - I had high expectations for the event but I also was going to be peaceful if it met none of my expectations. I'm happy to report that my session was so much fun - and well attended and that the conference exceeded all of my expectations. Thank you to Jess & Elsie and the entire She Podcasts Live team for your dedication to serve your community. While I did get to share some personal reasons with both of you about how important this conference was to me, I want to publicly share that these two women have done so much for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

00:08:06

Thank you to my two podcasting besties Elaine and Carolyn. If you are regular listener you've heard me mention them before. We met in person at She Podcasts Live 2019 and we have been in zoom calls every two weeks for the last two years! They have become incredible friends of mine and we were able to reunite in Scottsdale at She Podcasts Live this month where we celebrated Carolyn's birthday, enjoyed time at a train park, Elaine helped me with my presentation, and where Carolyn and Elaine embraced my daughter and vice versa. So much so that Elaine now hosts a THIRD podcast - because two isn't enough - but this one with my daughter - these two women are hysterical together - I've heard some clips of their first episode and it is a riot. If you don't mind some cursing and would love to be entertained you'll have to check it out. It's called Wonka Watch.

00:09:00

I'm thankful to the amazing flock member Doria - I believe Doria found me on TikTok - but she'll correct me if I'm wrong - [giggle], she joined my flock and has been incredibly supportive of the podcast and the flock. She even reached out to me to wish me a safe and fun journey heading to the conference and with a special treat. Thank you Doria. Your encouragement has been wonderful and just what I need at the right time.

I am thankful to myself for the pause that I'm allowing in my life as I process all that has changed over the last six months and as I process new opportunities.

00:09:33

My final thanks is to you, my listener. Whether you are new to this podcast or have been listening for almost three years, I appreciate that you have taken time to spend listening to me. Yes, I'm grateful for the listening time, I'm grateful for the times that you share my podcast with others who need it and I'm incredibly thankful for those of you who reach out to share with me how the podcast has helped you. Over the three years, I've tried very different formats; it took me over a year to find my own voice in podcasting and you have hung in there, I've mixed up my release schedule and you still listen. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

00:10:13

I could thank a ton of other people but I'll stop there right now because I feel like we all need to see what the books are going to tell us. If you like this next segment let me know... maybe I'll pick a random quote out each episode going forward. That would be kind of fun.

[computer game level up music (short)]

00:10:27

Here we go, I have five books in front of me. I'm going to tell you the title of the book and the author. Then, open it to a random page and read you what first catches my eye - more than likely something will be highlighted or written there - because yes, I do write in my books and highlight often.

If I feel I need to share something with you, I will, otherwise, I'll move on to the next book. Alright, how fun is this? Here we go.

00:10:54

[music under reading and chatting]

Our first book is Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth, Awakening to your Life's Purpose. [flips pages]

Okay, opened to a page. There's something underlined.

"Not projecting the old emotion into situations means facing it directly within yourself. It may not be pleasant but it won't kill you. Your presence is more than capable of containing it. The emotion is not who you are."

Okay, I needed to hear that and I don't think it needs anything else. [giggles]

00:11:28

Our next book is Deepak Chopra's The Book of Secrets. Oh my goodness, I haven't highlighted anything in this book so this is really interesting. Let's flip through pages. [page flipping]

"I say to myself, this situation may be shaking me but I am more than any situation. I take a deep breath and focus my attention on whatever my body is feeling. I step back and see myself as another person would see me. I realize that my emotions are not reliable guides to what is permanent and real. They are momentary reactions and most likely they are born of habit. If I am about to burst out with uncontrollable reactions, I walk away."

I think that is good on its own. too.

00:12:11

I have The Four Agreements and The Fifth Agreement.

The Four Agreements is by Don Miguel Ruiz. The Fifth Agreement is by him and his son, Don Jose Ruiz.

The Four Agreements is up first. Wow, this is another un-highlighted book - very strange for me.

"Under any circumstance, always do your best. No more and no less. But keep in mind that your best is never going to be the same from one moment to the other. Everything is alive and changing all the time. So your best will sometimes be high quality and other times it will not be as good."

And there's your reminder to be kind to yourself.

00:12:50

Let's see what The Fifth Agreement shares today. Ah ha ha - we have highlights and underlines. Ooo, this is a good one.

"Assumptions are nothing more than lies we are telling ourselves. This creates drama for nothing because we don't really know if something is true or not. Making assumptions is just looking for drama where there's no drama happening. And if drama is happening in someone else's story. So what. It's not your story. It's someone else's story."

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Remove the drama and you will get time.

[giggle]

[music stops]

00:13:33

Can I - maybe I should just make this my whole episode. Let's, let's try a new format... what do you think... where I google empty nest news which actually there isn't a lot - it's like someone famous' kid has gone off to college - and now we all need to stop and see how they're handling it - because that's going to be realistic in our lives - let's be real. But what if I just did that and then shared your wins and then opened books and comments on it. It's like weird tarot card readings.

00:14:02

My final book is from Byron Katie with Michael Katz. The Book is I Need Your Love - Is That True? How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead. I have two pages and interesting enough I didn't write in it but I have different sentences highlighted. I'm not going read them ahead of time. I'm just going to read them as the highlights come through and we'll see if they make sense.

The title of this section? Just asking you.

"Give yourself what it is you think you want. Suppose you give yourself the care and attention instead. One way to tell love from bartering is that when you give anyone a gift out of love, you give the pleasure to yourself."

This is a really good book.

There we go, those are our five books and random quotes from them. I feel like I just need you to sit with them and see how they resonate with you.

00:14:54

[music]

Two Questions for You

Question 1:  Are you pausing anything in your life right now? Should you be pausing something?

and Question 2:  Do any of the quotes resonate with you?

I'm well aware that that was three questions. It's okay. You'll forgive me, right?

00:15:14

As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.

My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.

If you enjoyed this episode please don’t forget to share it with others, it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. And of course, follow the show in your favorite podcast player!

I’ll be back with a new episode next month - I'm going to keep you guessing on exactly when but I plan to be back to regular episodes soon!

00:15:41

My beautiful, amazing, resourceful friend, I'm impressed by you. You made time to do something for you. Do more of that, and then do even more. You deserve it. You deserve rest. You deserve trying new things, you deserve peace. You won't be given it - you'll have to make time for all of these things but you - YOU ARE WORTH IT. Pause things you need to and un-pause as you need to. Trust your internal GPS and if you don't know what that is, take the time to discover it - it's an incredible gift of yours because you CAN be the Conscious Effective Olympian - the CEO -of your life - and you, my friend. have great things in store for you - remember that sometimes that great thing is a nap.

I am cheering you on - and so is your future self. Don't you dare forget that you are amazing. Chat next time!

00:16:42

[end music]

[00:16:46]

[bloopers]

00:17:17

Still Listening?

I have an exercise that came to me just now and it may bring up emotions for you, so I just want to present you with a warning. You may want to hit pause if you're somewhere where you aren't alone. Maybe nothing will happen, but just in case, I feel like it's worth saying. Alright, here we go.

00:17:35

Take a deep breath in my friend. Let the air out and as the air exits your lungs, imagine things that aren't serving you, disappearing from your life. Do it again.... breathe in —- let those things go. What things came to your mind? Be curious about them. Pick one that revealed itself to you. Take a deep breath in and imagine your life without that thing - breathe out and imagine that thing leaving. How do you feel? The thought you just had means whatever you make it mean. The emotion you feel is worth being curious about. Take one more breath in and imagine a warm hug around you. As you breathe out release any negative feelings or judgments that you have about yourself about anything that just arose. You are an amazing human processing a lot and you have the power to change your thoughts in any direction that you want. My friend, make them work for you.

[end music]

[end]

95: Quick Tips Team: More Than Three Minutes of Planning, Shoes, Whales and Shampooing Through Lockdown Loneliness

95: Quick Tips Team: More Than Three Minutes of Planning, Shoes, Whales and Shampooing Through Lockdown Loneliness

Hello, my ah-mazing empty nest friend, 

We are back with another Quick Tips episode with some 2020 Your Empty Nest Coach Quick Tips Team members and a special guest. Enjoy!

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"If you have a quick tip to share with listeners of this podcast, I would LOVE to share it with them! See this episode’s show notes for a link to record your audio submission for this podcast either through SpeakPipe or by calling (or texting) my Google Voice number.. Happy recording, friend!" 

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

Check out this episode of the Your @emptynestcoach podcast 💚 featuring quick tips from @DClutterDeirdre @MagnifMidlife @ThePlannerFreak @goodgirlstalk & others! #emptynest #EmptyNestMom #ListeningTo#QuickTips #Advice ➡️ 

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This Episode is Brought To You By

💚 Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

Tips Shared in This Episode

  • Lockdown is Like Being Back At School
  • Be More Whale
  • Summer Shampooing
  • Three Things a Day
  • Shoes Make The Outfit
  • Banish Loneliness
  • Wear Heavier and Bulkier Gear On A Plane
  • Try The Three Minute Game
  • You Are Amazing

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FULL TRANSCRIPT: 

Episode 95 of the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast

Christine: It is time for a Quick Tips Tuesday episode of the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast. I am your host, Coach Christine, and this is episode #95  of my podcast. 

[Music: Intro]

00:10

I work with mothers of high school students and beyond, who are in the trenches with sad and possibly, overwhelming thoughts about what their life will look like when their baby heads to college and begins to leave the nest. My clients’ big question is what will I do with my time? Is this you? I’ve been there, and I get it. Empowering you to write the next jaw-dropping, amazing chapter in your life is my passion. I am energized by leading you in the process of exploration and am thrilled when you unlock the power that lies within you. This podcast is my gift to you.

00:47

If this is your first time listening, I invite you to check out my Friday episodes, as well, where I provide bite-sized coaching assistance to guide you along your empty nest transition years - should your nest be not quite as empty as you expected it to be, be sure to check out my twelve episode Not-So-Empty-Nest series that was produced during the start of my social distancing. I hope you and your family are healthy and safe, and that yes, even now, in a world of restrictions, that you discover how amazing you are and find excitement at a level you didn’t know is possible for your years ahead. 

00:01:21

A reminder that a list of all of the Quick Tips Team members and their contact information may be found on my website YourEmptyNestCoach.com - look for the Quick Tips Team button  - or menu - on the home page. 

If you have a quick tip to share with listeners of this podcast, I would LOVE to share it with them! See this episode’s show notes for a link to record your audio submission for this podcast either through SpeakPipe or by calling (or texting) my Google Voice number.. Happy recording, friend!

01:50

But, Christine, where are the show notes? Well, that might help you, huh? You’ll find those in the description of this episode - on Apple Podcasts click, “Details”; on Spotify, Click “See More,”: on Overcast press the I for information - button - Get the idea? 

Or, of course, visit my website for full show notes with links to everything we discuss in this episode and a full episode transcription - those reside at your empty nest coach dot com forward slash p for podcast and 95 (for this episode’s number). I can’t wait to hear from you.

02:23

[Music: Sponsor Music] 

Thanks! Thank you. It’s time to thank our sponsor. This episode is sponsored by my membership community, the GPS Support Flock: Your Flight to Success in the Empty Nest. If you are ready to find the GPS of your life, sign up to receive an immediate and free download of my PDF How to Find Yourself in the Empty Nest, our GPS Life Principles document - you will also have the opportunity to learn about our community. See the link in this episode’s show notes, or fly on over to my website YourEmptyNestCoach.com. Click the GPS Support Flock button. See you there! 

03:09

First up today is Jo Davies our Humorous Observations expert: 

[Music: Guest Intro]  

Jo: So we all know Christine is an authority on the whole ‘back to college thing’, and for me, this whole lockdown feels a bit being back at school. You’re forced to be somewhere you don’t necessarily want to be. I mean, I love my home, but I don't want to be in it all the time and somehow being made to stay at home feels completely different from just choosing to stay at home.

Have to spend all day everyday with the same people. This was a good thing for me at school because I loved my friends, and thankfully I love my family so happy to get to spend this time with them.

You do sports every day: to try and stay fit and also because it's actually a fun thing for us all to do together and gets us outside if we’ve been in for too long.

We seem to be learning something everyday. Not necessarily maths and English, but patience and calm and also in my case that after 10 loaves, I still can't make a baguette. I’ve also learnt that if you live off cake mix and then cake, you will get fat....who knew? My kids have learnt that if you leave things on the top of the dishwasher they won't get clean and that the same applies to leaving washing on the floor by the washing machine.

I have learnt that Duolingo thinks that I am 6% Spanish, but no one else does and that 6% is about as Spanish as I’m gonna get.

04:19

I have learnt that Zoom feels like magic and the best invention ever for about 2 goes and then it turns into the worst TV show ever.

The other thing that reminds me of the school is that there are cheats. There are people that feel the rules don't apply to them and there are some that bend them and some who go so far as to break them completely: visiting friends, driving to parks, to going for a walk, getting together in groups. And just like in school, I seethe on the inside, anger bubbling just below the surface and my 15-year-old’s desire to be cool and liked and appear laid back resurfaces and I just smile and say ‘whatever’.

I am looking forward to the school holidays. To being able to go out and do whatever I want to do when I want to do it. I feel myself turning into a teenage rebel and in some weird role reversal, I fear it will be my children who restrict my movements as they try and keep their ‘ageing parents’ (Their words, not mine) safe from whatever comes next.

05:09

[Music: Guest Intro]  

Rachel: Hello! Rachel Lankester here, midlife mentor from MagnificentMidlife.com. My top tip today is to be a bit more whale. There are two creatures that go through menopause: human females and whales. When whales go through menopause, they become the leaders of their pods. Often, for fifty odd years! We can also be more useful to our communities as leaders than as breeders. 

05:41

[Music: Guest Exit]  

Susan: Susan Stevens here with your beauty tip. Do I need to swap shampoo with the seasons? In the summer your hair has to defend itself against more enemies, such as the sun, sea salt, excess sweat, and chlorine, so switching to a gentler shampoo can help to keep your hair soft without stripping it of its natural oils. Especially at this time when essential workers are shampooing and cleansing more often, you definitely want to use a more mild shampoo, and definitely lots of conditioning. A Little Roomie for Your Soul: “Surrender. If you are a seeker of union, find your place in the heart of nothingness. While still in the cage of your being, behold the spirit bird before it flies away. Since you were once drunk on eternity, pick up the sword of now, and strike the ego. Remove the dregs of separation. 

Become pure so the cup of  true reality can be filled with the pure wine of spirit.

06:37 

[Music: Guest Exit]

Christine: Susan just shared an excerpt from the book Rumi’s Little Book of Life: The Garden of the Soul, the Heart, and the Spirit. I will put a link to it into my show notes. Thanks, Susan! 

06:50

[Music: Guest Intro]

Gretchen: Hi. This is Gretchen Hoffmann, your Planner Freak. Today I just wanted to take a minute to share a really cool planning technique that I heard about recently from an old college friend. My friend Joan and her husband recently moved to New York City after selling the home where they had raised their children. Both of their kids are all grown up and now like so many of us they’re Empty Nesters. She and her husband Robert decided they wanted to spend a few years soaking up city life before they decided on their next move. Now, Joan has always been one of the most organized women I know. She is never late for an appointment, she never forgets a birthday, she has enough time for work, travel, exercise, and to spend with her family and friends. She really is Amazing!

07:39

You know what the most amazing part to me is, though? In  spite of everything she has on her plate she never seems frazzled, she always seems in control. She’s fantastic!  I, on the other hand, sometimes seem to be chasing my own tail because, although I am a good multitasker, it’s often difficult for me to stick with my main priorities for the day. Because of this, I am absolutely fascinated by how people do organize and plan their days. I spend a lot of time thinking about it, and helping people to plan their days. 

08:10

I  recently asked Joan what her trick was and I was actually surprised by how simple it was. She told me she keeps a paper planner on her desk where she writes everything down that she has to do and then she schedules everything on its own specific day. Then, here’s the important part, every morning she picks out the three main things she needs to accomplish that day. It can be personal or work related but she always keeps it to three. These are her key action items and she assigns them numbers in her mind … one, two and three. Simple enough, right? Then as she goes through her day and completes each of the three items, she mentally checks off that number in her head. So once number one is done she moves on to number two -. You get the gist. This technique allows her to concentrate only on her most important tasks and it really gives her a feeling of satisfaction at the end of the day. Anything else she gets done that day is icing on the cake. But the really great part is she rarely has to move priority items from one day to the next in her planner. I feel like I am always moving one or two items at the end of the day to the next day’s schedule. Now I’m wondering if any of you have ever tried this technique and if it worked as well for you. Remember, “Plan your day, Love your day!’

09:25

[Music: Guest Intro]

Jenn: Hi, this is Jenn Musselman, your wardrobe/closet coach and I’m here for your next tip. The tip is shoes: shoes always, always, always set the tone for your outfit. Let’s think about it, I’m going to give you two pretty extreme different examples but keeping in mind the shoes, think of a nun, and think of a showgirl or a Rockette. Shoes make the outfit. I know, these are a little bit extreme examples, but it is true. So, think about wearing your favorite basic chunky sweater and your favorite pair of jeans, but pair it with a really cute glittery flat, a glitzy flat, a fun pair of funky converse sneakers. Shoes set the tone for the outfit. It’s the best accessory you can have. That’s my tip for today. 

[Music: Guest Intro] 

10:24

Deirdre: Hi, it’s Deirdre from DeClutter By Deirdre and the Magnificent Aging podcast. My hint for this month is banish loneliness. Call someone at least every other day. Go out into the world, and talk to people, Join a club: they have boating clubs, gardening clubs, card playing clubs, square dancing clubs - pick an interest and get involved. Get out there. Make it a point to engage with people. You won’t want to declutter if you’re lonely. Make some friends, engage people that you haven’t spoken to in a long time. Thank you so much. I appreciate you. 

11:12

{Music: Guest outro]

Christine: So, I bet you can guess that Deirdre sent me this wonderful tip, pre-pandemic. She’s way on top of things, but her advice still stands. Sure, the groups may be online but the advice is great! You can research clubs to join now and see what they offer virtually. You can call others or meet with them online - this is a great time to meet others virtually in an area of interest. Let us know if you come up with a unique idea here, too.

And next up is Katherine, the 5 Kilo Traveler - another wonderful human who sent me her tip, pre-pandemic, so the focus is on flying and how to pack light when flying. This is a great opportunity to make plans for lighter travel for when we are able to do so again. So, as you listen, think how you will travel in the future. 

 12:05

[Music: Guest intro]

Katherine: My last tip was to take less and to achieve this with a mix and match wardrobe - and I mentioned travelling to New York in winter and wearing layers. Quite surprisingly I did go to New York with just 5 kilos (11 pounds ) of gear. How, you may ask? Well, I wore my heavy and bulky gear on the plane, and that’s my tip for today – when flying wear your bulky and heavy clothing (not that anything is overly heavy in my bag).

Now I’m not talking about wearing a big coat and filling the pockets with everything in your bag –although there are coats out there for this purpose – personally, I can’t think of anything worse. I’d look like the Michelin Man – ridiculous!

12:54

So my trick is I wear my heavier and bulkier gear. I wore my boots on the plane as they take up so much room in my small bag – and I didn’t really take them off the whole time I was in New York. I wore my long and thickest socks on the plane too.

My long wool coat I carried and used as a blanket on the plane, which was just luxurious. I wore my pashmina too – and I so pleased I did as the plane temperature cools down on long-haul flights – I guess so you can sleep – but I was nice and toasty warm. My puffer jacket packs down quite small in my pack but I actually use it to wrap it round my neck as a travel pillow while flying – I go for practicality over fashion when flying for 16 hours from NZ.

I also wear a lot of merino or smartwool. It’s great for planes because it keeps you warm but you don’t overheat with it. I’ll tell you more about merino in my next tip session. So, yes, wearing your heavy and bulkier gear on planes will reduce the weight of your carry on bag. Have you given it a go yet? Happy light travels!

14:05

[Music: Guest outro]

Christine: Thanks Katherine. Next up is a guest submission who is back for a second time - the amazing Leah Carey. Enjoy..

[Music: Guest intro]

Leah:  Hi! I’m Leah Carey from the Good Girls Talk About Sex podcast. If you want a different kind of touch from your partner but you’re not sure how to ask for it without hurting their feelings, try the Three Minute game. It’s easy, quick, and fun!

Have your partner lay down. Tell them that you are going to touch them any way

that they desire for three minutes and their only job is to tell you what they want,

then lay back and enjoy receiving it. Ask them, “How would you like me to touch you for three minutes?” Start a timer for three minutes and do EXACTLY the thing they asked for. If they ask you to change the touch, do what they ask, but resist the urge to do ANYTHING other than what they’ve asked for – don’t get fancy!

When the alarm goes off, switch places and repeat. Now, your partner asks you,

“How would you like me to touch you for three minutes?” And this is where you describe to them EXACTLY the kind of touch you would like.

I suggest the first few times you play, you keep it PG or PG-13, and leave the R rated sessions for once you’ve both gotten really comfortable clearly asking for what you want.  And then, if you like what you get, give them lots of positive reinforcement. Say later that night, “I loved the way you touched me earlier.” The next day, you could say, “I’m still thinking about the way you touched me yesterday.” And then the next time you’re getting frisky say, “Remember the way you touched me during the Three Minute Game? Would you do that again?” And don’t forget :they’ve now given YOU exact directions for what they enjoy, so use them! Here’s to your better sex life!

16:25

[Music: Guest intro]

Christine: Thanks for visiting with us again, Leah, my listener if you like what you just heard, Leah has a podcast created with so much more! Definitely check it out. 

My tip for you today is short and sweet: take a deep breath in, right now - go ahead - let the breath out - and on your next breath in, say to yourself, “I am amazing.” Then breathe out. Now do that for as many times as you need to begin to hear yourself saying it without any push back. 

17:03

[Music: Back to Christine]

Those are our tips for today. I am thrilled you listened!. If you enjoyed this episode, and want the next quick tips episode to make its way to you in your favorite app, take a moment - right now - to subscribe to this podcast - it’s free, after all!

Don’t forget that I have contact information for all of my 2020 Quick Tips Team members on my website! Be sure to click through, follow your favorites on their website - or social media pages -  and let them know you found them through this podcast!

17:32

[GPS Support Flock Thank you music]

Thanks! Thank you! A huge shout out to every member of my GPS Support Flock. I invite you to fly on over to my website or see my show notes for a link to learn how you may become a GPS Support Flock member where you will gain access to all of my programs, monthly workshops, group coaching, and more. See you there!

If you are able to do a screenshot of this episode now and share it on social media to help others to find it, that would be super helpful to me and the team. Tag me @emptynestcoach so that I may thank you. OR if you can think of one other person who would enjoy this podcast, please, don’t keep it a secret.

And should you be a regular subscriber to this podcast, can you take a moment and leave a five-star rating and review? That would be lovely!

18:27

[Music: Outro - fade out]

Of course, my amazing empty nest friend (or not so empty nest friend), always  remember that YOU ARE AMAZING!

18:36

Bloopers

18:51

Still listening? I recently slept outside on my deck. I love to camp solo - or with a few amazing women. Since I can’t do that right now, I decided to camp on my deck. No family members joined me and I am totally okay with that. Have you done anything like that recently? 

[end]

94: The CEO Toolbox Part 5, Find Your Flock

94: The CEO Toolbox Part 5, Find Your Flock

Hello, my ah-mazing empty nest friend, 

Continuing in the series of your CEO (Conscious Effective Olympian) life toolbox, in this episode, I encourage you to find your flock - and to evaluate the flock(s) already in your life. A well-placed, positive flock in the foundational level of your CEO toolbox has the potential to lift you to heights that would be incredibly challenging, or impossible to reach if you were flying solo.

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"A good flock will lift you to heights you couldn't do on your own by holding you accountable, being in line with your principles, and bringing positive energy to what you do." 

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

Do you have a great flock in your life? Your @emptynestcoach asks this question in this episode and you should check it out! 💚#listeningto #midlifemom #emptynestmom

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This Episode is Brought To You By

💚 Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

What You Will Learn in this Episode 

  • To Consider The Flock Support That You Have In Your LIfe
  • What To Look For In a Flock for Your CEO Toolbox
  • To Find Your Flock
  • To Consider Our Flocks

Episode Questions for You To Consider

  1. Do You Have a Great Flock in Your Life?
  2. Are you ready to join the GPS Support Flock, Your Flight to Empty Nest Success

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FULL TRANSCRIPT: 

Episode 94 of the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast

00:00:00

Christine:  You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast with Coach Christine, episode number 94: The CEO Toolbox Part 5: Find Your Flock. I work with mothers of high school students and beyond, who are in the trenches with sad and possibly, overwhelming thoughts about what their life will look like when their baby heads to college and begins to leave the nest. My clients’ big question is what will I do with my time?  Is this you?  I’ve been there, and I get it. Empowering you to write the next jaw-dropping, amazing chapter in your life is my passion. I am energized by leading you in the process of exploration and am thrilled when you unlock the power that lies within you. This podcast is my gift to you.

00:00:48

Hello, my empty nest friend and CEO of Your Life! This episode is in a series of episodes about the toolbox for your life. If this is your first time here, know that I reference topics introduced in prior series of this podcast, in this episode, making this episode a more advanced topic. Should you find yourself wondering what I’m talking about, head back to the prior series and work your way through.

00:01:12

A quick reminder, that if you find yourself talking back to me at any part of this episode, or if something resonates with you, please take the opportunity to leave me audio feedback either through SpeakPipe or my Google Voice number. You’ll find the information to do this in the description of this episode: on Apple Podcasts click “Details”; on Spotify click “See More”; on Overcast press the I for information button. Get the idea? Of course I’ll always have full show notes with links to anything I discuss in the episode, and a full episode transcription on my website. Those reside at YourEmptyNestCoach.com/P (for podcast) and 94 (for this episode’s number). (YourEmptyNestCoach.com/P94) I can’t wait to hear from you!

00:01:55

Thanks!  Thank you!  It’s time to thank our sponsor.  This episode is sponsored by my membership community, The GPS Support Flock; Your Flight to Success in the Empty Nest.  If you are ready to find the GPS of your life, sign up to receive an immediate and free download of my PDF, "How to Find Yourself in the Empty Nest," our GPS Life Principles document.  You will also have the opportunity to learn about our community.  See the link in this episode's show notes or fly on over to my website, YourEmptyNestCoach.com.  Click the GPS Support Flock button.  See you soon!

00:02:41

To continue some thank yous, I would like to give a shout out to five amazing ladies who jumped in a couple of weeks ago to take over my Instagram account on short notice. It was a new experience for me and for those who participated. Thank you to Carolyn Kiel of Beyond 6 Seconds, Colleen and Bridgett of Hot Flashes & Cool Topics, Katherine the 5 Kilo Traveller & Deirdre Dolan Nesline of Declutter by Dierdre. If you missed their takeovers, I saved their takeovers in an Instagram highlight, so check it out.

[Music]

00:03:11

How is your life’s toolbox doing? That Conscious Effective Olympian (or CEO) toolbox, is it useful? Have you fully taken inventory? Is it well stocked? Is it jam-packed and needing some cleaning out? Or is it brand new and you are wondering what to put inside? We’ve discussed in this series the top-tray of your toolbox, those self-help-esque items that are your goto beneficial things in your life that serve you well until you have time to work with your foundational items. In this episode, we continue to work through our foundational items. I have, so far, asked you to consider adding presence and adding the CEO Analysis Tool to the base of your toolbox.  That one alone took two episodes.

00:03:56

Today, I want you to consider whether or not you have a flock that you belong to, a community of humans that lift you up, encourages you and helps you to become more of who you are meant to be. I would like you to consider adding that flock or a future flock to the foundational level of your toolbox. For you, this flock may be a few individuals that you see one on one, or you may have multiple groups of people who already serve you well in this regard. If so, consider yourself lucky, and lovingly stock your toolbox with these amazing humans. I’ve been watching a lot of “Ozark” lately, so I guess I feel like I need to say this is an analogy, of course.  No stuffing of real humans in boxes, please. [Giggle]

00:04:43

Be sure that for a flock to reside in your foundational-level of your life’s toolbox that it has at minimum of these four criteria: 

First, there are no leadership issues. There is either a clear leader; no leader, where everyone is equal; or different individuals lead at different times with no drama. This is important as with no resistance or little resistance in the group, all flock members have the opportunity to become their best selves. That just is exciting, isn’t it?

Second, the flock has values, priorities and a focus that is in line with your life and plans for your life. This will assist you in remaining on the correct path for your future-self.

Third, the flock has accountability, meaning if a flock member should fall out of formation while the flock is flying, the member will notice the extra resistance and immediately get back into line. This provides you an extra boost while staying on your path. Sometimes your GPS loses its signal and this is where the flock accountability will serve you well.

Fourth, the flock brings positive energy to your life. Life is too short to spend time in a flock that may have served you well ten years ago, but every time you join them, the energy brings you down. 

If someone, or a group, came to mind to you as I said that, please, keep it in mind.

00:06:18

I discuss a bit about the power of having a community to lift you up in Episode number 17 where I introduce the Green Popsicle Stick fable. I also mention, way back in episode 3, the importance of finding social support as you enter the empty nest. A good flock will lift you up to heights you couldn’t do on your own; by holding you accountable, being in line with your principles, and bringing positive energy to what you do. A bad flock can keep you grounded for life. My friend, figure out who your flock is. Do they know the real you? Are they lifting you higher? If you already have that group, take a moment to realize how lucky you are, and I would give them a special thank you, today. 

00:07:05

Should you want to add another flock, or are in search of a flock to fill this role, I invite you to consider joining our membership group, the GPS Support Flock: Your Flight to Success in the Empty Nest. I invite you to keep me posted on your toolbox progress, too. I look forward to sharing a final foundational-level message with you in our next episode. 

[Music]

00:07:27

The questions I have for you in this episode are: Do you have a great flock already in your life? Are you ready to join the GPS Support Flock, Your Flight to Empty Nest Success? We can’t wait to have you join us! Fly on over to my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com/community for links to join either of my online communities. We look forward to seeing you there!

00:07:51

Christine? Christine? Christine, where are you? In January, I was quoted in a Redbook article titled “10 Ways to Be the Kind of Parent Your Kid Looks Up To.” My tip is number 5 and the topic is “Give them Space.” Link is in my show notes if you would like to check it out. 

00:08:13

My empty nest, CEO of Your Life friend, if you enjoyed this episode, I invite you to take a moment to subscribe to this podcast. It is free after all! As always, I provide content to make you think. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. May you find your flock and find future-you because she is amazing.  My empty nest friend, you are amazing!  See ya!

[Bloopers]

[End]