114: I'm Calm. Why are people telling me I'm not?
Hello, my ah-mazing empty nest friend,
Have you experienced being peaceful and then having someone ask you, "what is wrong?" or said, "what is wrong with you; why are you upset?"
It seems bizarre. But if your behavior is different from what others are used to, they are interpreting your change as not calm, while all the while, you are feeling an inner stillness.
Let's let them be them, while you remain your new, peaceful self. Well, we can try.
Your Empty Nest Coach
"I’m incredibly proud of you. You are doing the work, my friend. You may be discovering peace in your life that you hadn’t known before. It is amazing, isn’t it?"
Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.
⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓
Let's keep your internal waters (peace) still, friend. Even when others say you aren't calm. What??? Coach Christine discusses this topic in this #Podcast episode #EmptyNest #Podcast #WomenEmpoweringWomen #Others #Relationships
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Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).
What You Will Learn in this Episode
- An Analogy For Keeping Your Inner Stillness
Episode Questions for You To Consider
- Have you experienced calm waters inside of you while others perceive you as the opposite?
- Are you able to find peace often in your life?
First Time Here? Try This Order of Episodes
- The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast Trailer
- Series 1: Empty Nest Prep - starts at episode #3
- Series 2: The CEO of Your Life - starts at episode #64
- Series 3 (this one): The CEO Toolbox - starts at episode #88
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Episode 114 of the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast
Christine: Hi, it’s coach Christine. This is my podcast, it is the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast. Today I discuss I Feel Calm, Why Are Others Thinking I’m Not and it’s episode number 114. I work with mothers of high school students and beyond, who are in the trenches with sad and possibly, overwhelming thoughts about what their life will look like when their baby heads to college and begins to leave the nest. My clients’ big question is what will I do with my time? Is this you? I’ve been there, and I get it. Empowering you to write the next jaw-dropping, amazing chapter in your life is my passion. I am energized by leading you in the process of exploration and am thrilled when you unlock the power that lies within you. This podcast is my gift to you.
Hello, my future empty nest friend and CEO of your life. And CEO around here, that is short for Conscious Effective Olympian of Your Life. We are going to talk about peaceful, calm waters within you, today. If you need to use the bathroom, go for it before I throw some water sounds in your ears. Of course, I need to remind you that I have full show notes with links to anything I discuss in the episode, and a full episode transcription on my website. Those reside at YourEmptyNestCoach.com/P (for podcast) and 114 (for this episode’s number). (YourEmptyNestCoach.com/P114).
Thanks! Thank you! It’s time to thank our sponsor. This episode is sponsored by my membership community, The GPS Support Flock; Your Flight to Success in the Empty Nest. If you are ready to find the GPS of your life, sign up to receive an immediate and free download of my PDF, "How to Find Yourself in the Empty Nest," our GPS Life Principles document. You will also have the opportunity to learn about our community. See the link in this episode's show notes or fly on over to my website, YourEmptyNestCoach.com. Click the GPS Support Flock button. See you soon!
I’m incredibly proud of you. You are doing the work, my friend.
You may be discovering peace in your life that you hadn’t known before. It is amazing, isn’t it? That peace inside of you may feel like calm, still waters. Imagine floating peacefully in the manner that makes you happiest, in a boat, lying on the water, or in a pontoon, surrounded by calm water. I’m going to imagine a clear lake. Remember that not too long ago, your water was fairly hectic, and a bit rough. But you have done the work to calm the waters in your mind.
The problem is those around you aren’t used to calm waters from you, they are used to quite the opposite, so by you being calm, they see water that they are not used to navigating, even if that is calm. It would mean that, if they are in their own boat, they may over paddle towards you, if say they are in a row boat. Can you see this? Imagine for a moment you are floating and you have the power to control the stillness, or lack thereof, of the water surrounding you. In prior days you created ripples and sometimes waves, and navigating needed to be intense. But as you calm yourself down, the waters around you smooth out and those navigating toward you, or around you, and I don’t mean that in an avoid-you type of way, they don’t adjust their navigation plan, so they don’t do well at all. It’s that calm-before-the-storm type of feeling, “Wait. Wait. What happened?” The mere act of becoming calm and peaceful has set off warning signals to them because everything they have known about you is different. Sure you might be peaceful inside but what you are showing to the world may be so different that the world isn’t sure how to react to it. They know something is different about you but they aren’t sure what it is.
Let me be very clear here. This does not mean that you now adjust who you are to allow others to become comfortable. If your peace is found by discovering who you are underneath all of your roles and duties, if your peace is coming from honoring who you are, it isn’t your job to help others navigate around you. You are you. Their discomfort isn’t something you can change for them anyway. What you can do is channel a bit more of your inner peace, rather than the rough waves coming at you. Remind them you are peaceful, but it may take them time to understand.
Now let’s sync this up with our Protector and fence analogy. This isn’t unlike the analogy I used in episode number 86, When Others Toss Things Over Your Fence. Imagine that we are calm, floating on the water, we have buoy markers for our fence and our Protector has donned a swimsuit, sunscreen and sunglasses. They are on a lifeguard chair floating in the water. Imagine that when someone asks us what is wrong, when we feel perfectly fine, that it would be like a stone being thrown into the water. [Splash sound].
Now if our protector is well trained and doing their job, they’ll see the stone being thrown, and they’ve been so incredibly observant that they reach out and catch the tossed stone as it heads airborne toward us. Wow, you’ve trained them well, give yourself a pat on the back. Go ahead. Now without the splash impacting your calm waters, the human who has tossed the stone toward you, know it or not, may react when the tossed stone doesn’t get the desired effect they were looking for, for you to be the you you used to be. Say that five times fast.
What could the stone be? It could be words like, “Why are you so calm?” “Why aren’t you getting upset?” “Don’t you care about this?” “Why aren’t you reacting?” Or it could be behaviors such as eyerolls, walking off, or a raised voice because they think you weren’t listening. Okay, let’s be real, maybe you’ve heard this conversation before you did tune it out a bit. It’s possible. [Giggle]. We’re human. In the end, we control our own reactions not theirs. Let them be them, keep your waters still. You’ll have a positive impact longer-term, and who knows, miracles may occur and they may join the still waters with you. And, yes, it might take more than a few stones to reach that level. They need time to process the change in you after all.
My friend, let your peace energetically fill the space around you. It serves you and your Protector well. As always, if you would like to dig into more detail with any of this, if you need accountability, or want me to cheer you on, all of this is included in my GPS Support Flock! We are waiting for you! [Music]
The questions I have for you in this episode are, have you experienced calm waters inside of you while others perceive you as the opposite? And two, are you able to find peace often in your life? Check your thought-deliveries, train your Protector, become CEO, the Conscious Effective Olympian, of your life and always remember my beautiful friend, that you, you, yes, you, are amazing! See ya!
Still listening? I am now creating EXPRESS Coaching Lessons in Instagram Reels. Yes, within Instagram’s 15 second window. Super fun to not only teach a quick lesson but find a visual to go along with it. Thought-deliveries are made for this medium. If you are on Pinterest, I share them there as well!