30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success: Your Future Self Has Your Back 💚 (22/30)

30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success: Your Future Self Has Your Back 💚 (22/30)

In this podcast episode, I share a powerful activity.

"Things I choose to believe is that your future self is really proud of you - of all that you are doing; and they’re excited for all the things that you're going to do to get them to where they are in the future."

This Episode is Brought to You By

Looking for an episode transcript? You'll find it below! 

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:43 Skip the intro & jump into today's topic
  • 04:23 Journal Prompt

Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 1-920-LIFEWIN (1-920-543-3946). 📞

Legal disclaimer: Listening to this podcast doesn't make Christine your official coach, and this podcast is not meant to replace your doctor or therapist. Curious? Click here for the deets!


You may be interested in…

For those who are freaking out about the empty nest years. It is time to make the rest of your life the best of your life!

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"Things I choose to believe is that your future self is really proud of you - of all that you are doing; and they’re excited for all the things that you're going to do to get them to where they are in the future. "

Subscribe To This Podcast

It is FREE!

Want to get notified of new episodes directly on your phone? Subscribe to this podcast using your favorite app!

The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 190

30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success: Know Your Badass Self Has Got This  (22/30)

FULL TRANSCRIPT

[level-up music]

Your Future Self Has Your Back is our topic for today (Day 22) in the 30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success. 

[level-up music]

If this is your first time listening,  know we are diving into the challenge content. If you like what you hear, jump back to the episode titled “Getting Started with the 30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success” and then work your way through from the beginning - or visit EmptyNestSuccess.com to sign up for daily or weekly email delivery of this challenge that will lead you to companion videos, additional journal prompts, resources and more! 

Here we go: 

[end music]

00:43

Amazing human and beautiful soul, we are piggybacking off our last episode. We've covered a lot of topics already in this challenge, and sometimes we just need to be reminded that we’ve done well. 

When you look back in your life, and consider the moments when your child was super young and you had a decision to make that in the moment felt as if nothing else mattered, and now with decade or so  of experience you know it may not have been quite the big deal you were making it out to be back then.  

Some examples might be for you … 

What preschool you send them too - or IF they attended preschool at all; breastfeeding or not breastfeeding; how about diaper brand you chose to use? And, as they got older it may have transitioned into what activities you encouraged, what opportunities they had, and so on. 

Our younger selves really managed to navigate it all. And while looking back, you might do things differently, today, past you did great with the knowledge, resources, finances and opportunities that they had then. 

But, consider if you could go back in time and lovingly tell yourself a few things, what would those things be? 

 Would it be…. 

Chill out more. Look for more fun and lean into the moments where your child is asking for your attention? 

Would it be…

Life is short, you are here and you got me where I am today. I’m so thankful for your dedication and I’m cheering you on. 

Would it be… 

Yeah, that thing sucked but those people weren’t your people anyway.

Would it be…

Wow, you were handed a ton of chaos, and yeah, you still have it now. I see you, you’ve learned a lot already and we’ll continue to learn more as we go. 

Would it be… 

Trust your gut more. You were right about more than a few things. 

Whatever you would say to your past self… make sure it is kind, loving, uplifting and encouraging. A fun thing to do is write down the things you think of. And here’s why… because here we are today, in this moment with new stressors of sorts, things that we feel are super important, that have our thoughts hostage, while there will one day be a version of us that is 10, 20, 30, 40 plus years in the future that will look back today - at us lovingly - and would want to tell us something. There’s a good chance that the primary message wouldn’t be too different from what you’d want to say to your past self. 

Things I choose to believe is that your future self is really proud of you - of all that you are doing; and they’re excited for all the things that you're going to do to get them to where they are in the future. Think about it, they wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for you making the choices you make. Whew - it’s a bit of a mind-blowing when you think about it, isn’t it? That thought might come natural for you, or it might be a bit mind-blowing.

I love knowing that there is a future version of me cheering me on. She knows everything I’m experiencing in her soul, as she’s been me,  and knows all the energy it has taken me to do all the things. Thinking about your future self can be a fun thing to add to your life.

You don’t need to tell anyone, either. This can be your secret cheering section in your life. Enjoy this one!

04:23

[level-up music]

Your journal prompt for today is …What advice would you give to your younger self? Write it down and how does it feel to say to yourself  now?

 04:36

[level-up music]

As always, I provide content to make you think. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. If you enjoyed this episode, I invite you to take a moment to follow this podcast - it is free after all - AND become this podcast's hero by sharing it with others! You’ll find links to additional resources, time markers and more in the show notes. 

[exit music - upbeat]

Thanks for listening today, your future self is cheering you on and don’t you dare forget that you are amazing! 

Chat next time!

[end]

Your Empty Nest Coach Christine has her arms out wide and looking up to the sky while in nature, text leads to the online home for the 30-Day  Challenge to Empty Nest Success

30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success

It's time to take control of your new reality and turn it into a positive experience. Do the FREE 30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success and get started on your amazing new chapter in life! All are welcome - whether the empty nest is ahead or you've been in it for years and anywhere between. 

30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success: Know Your Badass Self Has Got This 💚 (21/30)

30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success: Know Your Badass Self Has Got This 💚 (21/30)

In this podcast episode, a reminder of how incredible you are.

"You are freaking amazing and please embrace who you are fully as you take on the rest of your life. The world needs you to be you; no one else can do it better."

This Episode is Brought to You By

Looking for an episode transcript? You'll find it below! 

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:44 Skip the intro & jump into today's topic
  • 03:36 Journal Prompt 

Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 1-920-LIFEWIN (1-920-543-3946). 📞

Legal disclaimer: Listening to this podcast doesn't make Christine your official coach, and this podcast is not meant to replace your doctor or therapist. Curious? Click here for the deets!

You may be interested in…

For those who are freaking out about the empty nest years. It is time to make the rest of your life the best of your life!

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"You are freaking amazing and please embrace who you are fully as you take on the rest of your life. The world needs you to be you; no one else can do it better."

Subscribe To This Podcast

It is FREE!

Want to get notified of new episodes directly on your phone? Subscribe to this podcast using your favorite app!

The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 189

30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success: Know Your Badass Self Has Got This  (21/30)

FULL TRANSCRIPT

[level-up music]

Know your badass self has got this is our topic for today (Day 21) in the 30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success. 

[level-up music]

If this is your first time listening,  know we are diving into the challenge content. If you like what you hear, jump back to the episode titled “Getting Started with the 30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success” and then work your way through from the beginning - or visit EmptyNestSuccess.com to sign up for daily or weekly email delivery of this challenge that will lead you to companion videos, additional journal prompts, resources and more! 

Here we go: 

[end music]

0:44

Amazing human and beautiful soul…. I know that while these episodes have been short, they have had a lot of heavy content within them. Content that if you're already consciously living your life, you're probably thinking something along the lines of “Yes, I get it. Thanks for the reminder, Christine!” However, if this is something, or some of these things are things you've never considered before it may take some time to let them sink in and for you to feel comfortable considering them and to understand what you, yourself want to do with them, if anything. 

You are worthy. You are amazing. 

You, amazing human, have navigated life on the spinning rock for decades. You have raised a child - or children. Your child or children may have left, be considering leaving the nest, or may be heading back to the nest.

The one thing, looking back over your life, that you'll probably be able to say is: a lot of things have happened that you never would have expected, that you couldn't have possibly planned for either.

This being said, you have made it here, today - to this moment! You have learned lessons, gained things, lost things, you have lived incredible moments in your life, that have helped to create you who you are right here in this moment.

The reason why I know that your badass self can handle what's in your future (or your now) is because look how much you’ve done to get to where you are today. And, let’s be honest, most of the time, we are making this up as we go, aren't we? 

You are freaking amazing and please embrace who you are fully as you take on the rest of your life. The world needs you to be you; no one else can do it better. 

As always, I’m cheering you on, and so is your future self. More on that, though, in our next episode. 

02:57

[level-up music]

Your journal prompt for today is … Make a list of challenges you have faced over time and that you have overcome. Reflect on how they made you stronger and more resilient.

And an extra activity: Look in the mirror and say, "I am a badass!"

[exit music - upbeat]

Hey, badass, thanks for listening today, and don’t you dare forget that you are amazing!  

Chat next time!

[end]

Your Empty Nest Coach Christine has her arms out wide and looking up to the sky while in nature, text leads to the online home for the 30-Day  Challenge to Empty Nest Success

30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success

It's time to take control of your new reality and turn it into a positive experience. Do the FREE 30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success and get started on your amazing new chapter in life! All are welcome - whether the empty nest is ahead or you've been in it for years and anywhere between. 

30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success: Questions to Ask Around Emotions 💚 (20/30)

30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success: Questions to Ask Around Emotions 💚 (20/30)

In this podcast episode, I share another exercise you can use on your way to becoming the Conscious Effective Olympian of your life.

"Trust that over time, the more that you do this, the easier it will become, the more fun it will become, the sillier life becomes, and we’re not looking for perfection."

This Episode is Brought to You By

Looking for an episode transcript? You'll find it below! 

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:42 Skip the intro & jump into today's topic
  • 08:01 Journal Prompt

Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 1-920-LIFEWIN (1-920-543-3946). 📞

Legal disclaimer: Listening to this podcast doesn't make Christine your official coach, and this podcast is not meant to replace your doctor or therapist. Curious? Click here for the deets!


You may be interested in…

For those who are freaking out about the empty nest years. It is time to make the rest of your life the best of your life!


Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"Trust that over time, the more that you do this, the easier it will become, the more fun it will become, the sillier life becomes, and we’re not looking for perfection."

Subscribe To This Podcast

It is FREE!

Want to get notified of new episodes directly on your phone? Subscribe to this podcast using your favorite app!

The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 188

30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success: Questions to Ask Around Emotions  (20/30)

FULL TRANSCRIPT

[level-up music]

Questions to ask when your emotions sound an alert  is our topic for today (Day 20) in the 30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success. 

[level-up music]

If this is your first time listening,  know we are diving into the challenge content. If you like what you hear, jump back to the episode titled “Getting Started with the 30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success” and then work your way through from the beginning - or visit EmptyNestSuccess.com to sign up for daily or weekly email delivery of this challenge that will lead you to companion videos, additional journal prompts, resources and more! 

Here we go: 

[end music]

00:42

Amazing human and beautiful soul, we have another top of the toolbox item today:  are you ready to unlock your inner Sherlock Holmes to inspect some of those thought-box-deliveries? 

If you began with [the] getting started episode and have worked your way through, by now, you know the analogy - your mind being like a house, there’s a fence, a protector who you are beginning to train and you have thought-box-deliveries being sent inside your home all the time.

Imagine now that you’ve done the process mentioned in our last episode - you are feeling a bit better from some tough emotions and are ready to take a look at a couple of the  thought-box-deliveries that hit you earlier. 

Let’s work through a hypothetical example: maybe, your child is in college and they declare (one day) that they want to leave.You may initially jump right into reaction mode - your Protector puts you on high alert and you begin to react. Then, you consciously notice what’s going on inside your mind and that you haven’t really considered that this may not be the best time to react suddenly and make ultimatums. Ultimately, maybe you land where your reaction mode takes you, but, trust me, you’ll feel better if you consciously make that decision from a loving space rather than a defensive reactive space.  

When you are in a space where you are ready to consider what this really means, and how to proceed, you’ll discover that outside of your fence is your child’s consideration of leaving college. Yes, it’s outside of your fence. 

The action of them telling you this news, creates alerts from your Protector and many thoughts come barreling in. Usually, it’s something like, “You have to graduate from college;” “But this wasn’t the plan;”  And we may not admit it but one of the internal thoughts is “How is this going to look to everybody?” And that’s outside of our fence, too. 

02:43

So, now for the activity. 

Begin to ask the 5 W questions that we learned in (was it) middle school? Elementary school?: Who, What, Where, When & Why.

Let’s inspect our example with some possibilities on how this would play out. 

First, we’ll start with what: What is the thought you are having? While you may have multiple thoughts that are going on about this happening, note which thought keeps rising to the top in your mind. 

Great! You have a thought!  

Next, ask yourself who sent me this thought box delivery? Sounds easy right but it might be surprising. You may discover that this thought really wouldn’t have come from you, as you’ve been struggling over the finances of their college education and wondering if it’s the best fit for them anyway BUT you remember that you thought about leaving college and when you told your parents, guess what they said. Yeah, what you just said.

Again, no judgment. We are just playing detective here.

Next, we ask…”Where am I when I have this thought?”

And this can go two ways. The thought - it could take you to right when you were in college, or you may be playing out a future that hasn’t happened yet.

In this example, we are brought back to our own college days. And that’s not today. In other examples, you may find yourself thinking about a future that may never happen.

And that led right into the When, as well. 

Where, and When sometimes when you look through these thoughts, may be combined. You may have a clear When, you may not have a Where - our mind’s like to jumble things. This is not an exercise where you need to hit all of them, but choose one or two that work really well and that give you enough information for you to become present and think about the thought that you have. 

And finally, Why. This one can be fun. Go wherever you feel led, as the why can go a million different ways. For example  why did I get this thought-box-delivery? Why am I feeling a certain emotion when it comes in? Why is this the first thought I am having? Why am I not considering the positives of this? 

These questions and how you choose to show up as the detective or inspector of your thought-box-deliveries is for you to decide. Have fun with it - even when it is around a thought that might not be easy. 

The whole point of asking these questions is to give you an opportunity to consider if you want to keep the thought or not. Wouldn’t it be fun to be so clear on what is outside of your fence that when your child drops something on you like, “Mom, I think I'm gonna leave college.” 

That you were to feel the emotions. Maybe start to react but notice them and then quickly identify that most of this is outside of your fence which allows you to show up way more loving than you could have if you were navigating through those tough thought-box-deliveries.

Maybe you even come up and say somethin like: “Wow, that's a huge decision. What is telling you that this may be the right decision for you?” 

And then with those thought-box-deliveries on pause, you have the space to listen. 

If you don’t usually respond that way, you may shock your child, but if you begin to show up more often like this by keeping  the things outside of your fence, outside of your fence and then inspecting the deliveries that are sent inside, your inner Sherlock Holmes will serve you well. 

And this isn’t a once and done thing. I’m human. I have moments where all of the thought-box-deliveries come in and I react, and that’s okay. We are humans. It happens. The beautiful thing is you can begin to tune into the fact that you’re not feeling so good and then start to do some of the exercises - we aren’t looking for perfection. We’re looking at feeling a little bit better.

What is happening is you are creating a safe space within your own mind, and that allows you to have the time to process the thoughts that are coming in without going automatically into reaction mode. All of this allows you to show up better not only for yourself but for every single person that you meet - including those closest to you. How cool is that? 

07:23

[level-up music]

Please remember that this isn’t something that we turn a switch on and we suddenly we’ll never go into reaction mode. Sometimes we need the reaction mode, especially in emergencies.

Some days, our Protector is on high-alert and we just have to go, “Okay, that’s where I am right now.”

Trust that over time, the more that you do this, the easier it will become, the more fun it will become, the sillier life becomes, and we’re not looking for perfection. We’re looking for a little more space, and a little more space, and a little more space.  

08:01

[level-up music]

Your journal prompt for today is … Do you have an emotion that you typically try to avoid feeling? How can you use questions to better understand it?

08:14

As always, I provide content to make you think. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. If you enjoyed this episode, I invite you to take a moment to follow this podcast - it is free after all - AND become this podcast's hero by sharing it with others! You’ll find links to additional resources, time markers and more in the show notes. 

[exit music - upbeat]

Thanks for listening today, see if you can ask yourself a few of those questions and don’t you dare forget that you are amazing! 

Chat next time!

[end]

Your Empty Nest Coach Christine has her arms out wide and looking up to the sky while in nature, text leads to the online home for the 30-Day  Challenge to Empty Nest Success

30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success

It's time to take control of your new reality and turn it into a positive experience. Do the FREE 30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success and get started on your amazing new chapter in life! All are welcome - whether the empty nest is ahead or you've been in it for years and anywhere between. 

30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success: Things That Bring You Complete Joy Exercise 💚 (19/30)

30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success: Things That Bring You Complete Joy Exercise 💚 (19/30)

In this podcast episode, I share a fun exercise that has been one of my favorites over the last year - I use it almost daily!

"Amazing human and beautiful soul, this one can be super fun and is perfect as one of your top of the toolbox resource items, once you choose your four things that bring you joy."

This Episode is Brought to You By

Looking for an episode transcript? You'll find it below! 

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:41 Skip the intro & jump into today's topic
  • 05:52 Journal Prompt

Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 1-920-LIFEWIN (1-920-543-3946). 📞

Legal disclaimer: Listening to this podcast doesn't make Christine your official coach, and this podcast is not meant to replace your doctor or therapist. Curious? Click here for the deets!

You may be interested in…

For those who are freaking out about the empty nest years. It is time to make the rest of your life the best of your life!

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"Amazing human and beautiful soul, this one can be super fun and is perfect as one of your top of the toolbox resource items, once you choose your four things that bring you joy."

Subscribe To This Podcast

It is FREE!

Want to get notified of new episodes directly on your phone? Subscribe to this podcast using your favorite app!

The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 187

30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success: Complete Joy Exercise  (19/30)

FULL TRANSCRIPT

[level-up music]

Things that bring you complete joy is our topic for today (Day 19) in the 30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success. 

[level-up music]

If this is your first time listening,  know we are diving into the challenge content. If you like what you hear, jump back to the episode titled “Getting Started with the 30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success” and then work your way through from the beginning - or visit EmptyNestSuccess.com to sign up for daily or weekly email delivery of this challenge that will lead you to companion videos, additional journal prompts, resources and more! 

Here we go: 

[end music]

00:41

Amazing human and beautiful soul, this one can be super fun and is perfect as one of your top of the toolbox resource items, once you choose your four things that bring you joy. This activity is also a great one to use in conjunction with our last episode’s topic.  

As a reminder, that was about being honest about your emotions with your child. If you find yourself having a strong feeling, yet need to distract yourself a bit to hold space until you can fully process something, this will give you the space to think about happier things.  

For this tool, I went with the number four (4) and that’s because you can make this activity tactile as well. For that part, whichever hand you want, tap your index finger and then each other finger to your thumb and go around in circles, tapping each finger: one, two, three, four.

You could even mix it up and go backwards. That is part one (the tactile portion) of this activity. 

Now for the thought part: I invite you to find four things: you’ll be creating a mental list of them. They could be specific moments in time from your past; imagine an item in your house that when you look at it every time just oh, makes you feel so good; or it could be an animal, a vacation moment, or maybe your kids. 

I want to provide a warning with that last one, though. Typically, choosing to make one of your children the joy point isn’t always the best idea with parenting, and let me explain: there are days when thinking of them doesn’t bring us complete joy - it may bring you worries, or concern. 

Rather than choosing to put your child, JimBob, on your list, I encourage you to find a specific moment that you have had with JimBob that every time you think about it, it makes your heart sing, laugh, or smile. And that moment, whether they were 19 months old, or 19 years old, choose it, find that specific moment. 

Here’s a personal example: one of mine is my daughter playing at the zoo with otters and a stuffed animal. She was running back and forth and the otters kept following her - the giggles that she had in that moment - (luckily we have it on video) so much fun! Thinking of that moment makes my heart sing. 

Another one of mine was being on the beach with my feet in the sand and a margarita by my side - it felt so amazing in that moment.

Those types of moments or thoughts, that’s what you’re looking for. They’re going to be uniquely yours - find four of them.

03:36

With your list of four, combine them with the tactile part of this activity, mentally working through your list as you tap a new finger to your thumb moving on to the next one and noting that there is no need to rush. 

As mentioned earlier, this is perfect when you find yourself with a strong emotion, but don’t have the time to process it out. Running through your joyous list will help you to feel a little bit  - or maybe a lot better.  

This could become your goto tool for the next month, or maybe forever. You can head to it when, in our analogy, you realize everything's on high alert, your Protector is sending things in deliveries with alarms going off and you can't get to a point to evaluate anything to see if the thought is even worth keeping. 

In those moments, if you can think of this tool (or maybe another one that works for you) in your life's top-of-your-toolbox that you can go to, allowing yourself to reset, providing you with the space to then process, over time you will have more moments where you begin to feel better! 

And then when you have more space in your life, if you find that you have thought-box-deliveries that keep coming in and making you go to that tool, with that new space… THEN, take a look at that thought-box-delivery with some fresh eyes. Are you seeing it differently?

I absolutely love this activity. It’s super easy. It got me through a time when past me would have been wondering. “Why the heck are you reacting so calmly right now?” 

There’s so much power in this one when you figure out how to fit it into your life. It’s unbelievably fun; people may be wondering why you’re smiling; and one of my four things being my feet in the sand, that was about two hours of time in my life when that happened, but I loved it so much!

And it dawned on me that I just returned from a trip where I was able to put my feet in the sand for FIVE DAYS - a lot longer than two hours! I don’t know, maybe there’s some secret power in this…have fun, either way!

05:52

[level-up music]

Your journal prompt for today is … What four items that bring you complete joy - complete joy, can I say it one more time? Complete joy -  would you add to your mental list?

[exit music - upbeat]

Thanks for listening today, have fun finding those four things, and don’t you dare forget that you are amazing! 

Chat next time!

[end]

Your Empty Nest Coach Christine has her arms out wide and looking up to the sky while in nature, text leads to the online home for the 30-Day  Challenge to Empty Nest Success

30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success

It's time to take control of your new reality and turn it into a positive experience. Do the FREE 30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success and get started on your amazing new chapter in life! All are welcome - whether the empty nest is ahead or you've been in it for years and anywhere between. 

30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success: Be Honest With Your Child(ren) 💚 (18/30)

30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success: Be Honest With Your Children💚 (18/30)

In this podcast episode, I encourage you to be an example for your child(ren) in sharing emotions you are experiencing with them.

"Let’s walk through an example. What if your emerging adult is about to head off on a solo trip across the country to meet friends and have a great time - but you catch yourself in a twinge  - to say the least - about all the things that could go wrong."

This Episode is Brought to You By

 Looking for an episode transcript? You'll find it below! 

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:43 Skip the intro & jump into today's topic
  • 08:21 Journal Prompt

 Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 1-920-LIFEWIN (1-920-543-3946). 📞

Legal disclaimer: Listening to this podcast doesn't make Christine your official coach, and this podcast is not meant to replace your doctor or therapist. Curious? Click here for the deets!


You may be interested in…

For those who are freaking out about the empty nest years. It is time to make the rest of your life the best of your life!

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"Let’s walk through an example. What if your emerging adult is about to head off on a solo trip across the country to meet friends and have a great time - but you catch yourself in a twinge  - to say the least - about all the things that could go wrong."

Subscribe To This Podcast

It is FREE!

Want to get notified of new episodes directly on your phone? Subscribe to this podcast using your favorite app!

The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 186

30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success: Be Honest With Your Children (18/30)

FULL TRANSCRIPT

[level-up music]

Be honest with your child(ren) is our topic for today (Day 18) in the 30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success.   

[upbeat music under intro]

If this is your first time listening,  know we are diving into the challenge content. If you like what you hear, jump back to the episode titled “Getting Started with the 30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success” and then work your way through from the beginning - or visit EmptyNestSuccess.com to sign up for daily or weekly email delivery of this challenge that will lead you to companion videos, additional journal prompts, resources and more! 

Here we go: 

[end music]

00:43

Amazing human and beautiful soul, be honest with your children. Oh my gosh, I don't mean pull up all of your deep dark secrets from your childhood and share them with your kids. Although, if you want to go there, you might get some laughs and some memories. 

[birds chirp] Apparently we have a guest today [chirps], Yes, the birds have stopped by and they’re just going to be part of the recording today.

Back to your deep dark secrets, that was not where I was headed with this. Where I am focused is on the societal pressure to - for lack of better wording- hold all of our shit together emotionally - so that everyone around you feels as comfortable as possible.

When your children are going through a rough time and need a safe space, this isn’t the timing I suggest diving into this one, for sure.

But if they have never seen you emote in any way, if they have never seen you process through emotions, label your emotions - maybe you’ve never given yourself permission to do so - for those little heavier emotions in particular such as anger and sadness and other ones and to get to the other side of them. 

What if the next time that you begin to feel strong-er emotions (and they’re not struggling), what if you consider being honest with them on what you are experiencing? 

02:05

If we’ve been strong and successful at hiding and not processing through  our emotions, it is likely that our children may not be comfortable expressing their own either, or when they do, it may come out super strong because they’ve been bottling them up. 

If this is a new-er consideration for you, I invite you to the next time that you have a strong emotion and you catch yourself thinking,” Ooo,  I need to hold this back,” consider in that moment bringing it into the physical space through your words. Label it. Be curious about the emotions and share it verbally - what you are experiencing. 

Sometimes simply labeling that emotion releases some of its hold on you.  And, try to expand your emotional vocabulary - everything doesn’t have to be the top three: happy, sad and angry. 

02:59

Let’s walk through an example. What if your emerging adult is about to head off on a solo trip across the country to meet friends and have a great time - but you catch yourself in a twinge  - to say the least - about all the things that could go wrong. Maybe those twinges that are making you feel concerned or worried or nervous,  (maybe even envious) or you're going to miss them and what about this thing? Did you think of that? Basically you go to all the what ifs that can go wrong - and those aren’t fun. 

Let’s say you catch that emotion and consider being honest with your child. 

Maybe that looks like telling them something like, 

[upbeat music under thoughts]

“Wow, I’m really excited for this adventure for you, but I have to be honest, there are a lot of emotions coming up for me that I need to work through on my own. There are a lot of thoughts going on through my mind. I need to process through them, look at them, let go of some of them, and take a deeper look at some. I figure, I’ll be honest with you that I have these feelings. It's not, however, your place to solve this for me. These are mine to work though. If you want to talk about them, great, but it's really my work to do.  Oh, and by the way, if you catch me reacting emotionally, I’m okay with you asking me to see if that emotion is one I know I am having in the moment. Sometimes, I just automatically react and don’t think about it. But that doesn’t make it necessary.”

[end music]

04:28

Okay, so that’s an example of someone who is really wanting to do the work. Start small.  Maybe, for six months, you’re just noticing the emotions and never mentioning it to them, but one day, it might be nice to share. And not share as if [they’re] your therapist but simply say, “I’m excited for you. I’m a little sad but I’ll be okay.” That’s all you have to do. 

While it may sound like a lot, can you imagine being this vulnerable with your child? Think about the example you’re setting as well: telling them it is okay to be sad or angry. 

We've talked in prior episodes about the thought-box-deliveries that come into your mind. Which means, in our analogy, you know that the happenings causing this are outside of your fence. In this example:  your child heading out on this trip. 

What has your protector done? Well they’ve chosen to put it on high alert, shove some thought-box-deliveries into your house and put a spotlight on them. The alarms are going off, you feel the rumblings of emotions inside the box, but you're not opening them. Which means, you have energy build up within that box and you may be reacting in a not so great way because of all of the rumblings, and you’re allowing them to keep rumbling and not opening the box to check on it. Make sense? 

05:47

So what’s the option? 

You could think: “They're going on this adventure. I’m gonna hold the space for them to share about their adventure. I don’t want to be the one to get in the way. They have the funds, they know what they are doing. They are going to have a great time.”

However, I’m going to pay attention to these thoughts that come into my mind.  It might be time in our analogy and imagery - to imagine that we have a meeting with our protector and say “when we see anything come in - thoughts that come in - about this trip, that we’re automatically not going to put any of them on red alert. Our focus is to purely have happy thoughts for our child. We can take a look at these thoughts later - they’re going to be around.  

It’s really good later, then, to think about the thoughts that keep coming up time and time again. Considering where they’re coming from,  who is sending them? Are they being sent from maybe, your parents when you were a child you heard what you are hearing in your mind now. 

Take a look at those thoughts. Open them up. See what emotions come out. And think, “are these worth having?” 

06:53

Now, when you come from a loving space,  and you pay attention to your thoughts, you might actually find some of these are definitely worth vocalizing - you know things like, “Hey, have you thought about …. How about… do you have a plan if this thing happens? Can I help you in any way?” 

Here’s a good go to: “You know me, I like to dive in and plan things for everyone, but how about I back off and you let me know if there is something you can use my assistance with?”

Now back to your strong emotions: allow a conversation to come out of them, when you have them, and it works. Help your kids to see that as a human, it's okay to have emotions - even angry ones. It’s what you do with that that matters. 

So, maybe be angry - not at your kid but give it a name and figure out how to process through it. Maybe get the Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, put on your sad movie and cry. Let your kids know you’ll feel better after doing that. And bonus - your sinuses are clear!

Ultimately, if you start leaning into your own emotions, and show up differently, you get to set a new example - it’s never too late. Your child - of any age - might first be thrown by the change, but your relationship that you have going forward with your child is one that now has the opportunity to become deeper, stronger, and in some ways, way more fun. 

08:21

[level-up music]

Your journal prompt for today is … Describe a time when you shared your emotions with your child. How did it go? What would you change about it, if you could do it over again? And if the answer is you’ve never shared your emotions - can you think of a time when it might have been a not-so-bad idea to have done that?

08:43

[level-up music]

As always, I provide content to make you think. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. If you enjoyed this episode, I invite you to take a moment to follow this podcast - it is free after all - AND become this podcast's hero by sharing it with others! You’ll find links to additional resources, time markers and more in the show notes. 

[exit music - upbeat]

Thanks for listening today, pay attention to your emotions, and don’t you dare forget that you are amazing! 

Chat next time!

[end] 


Your Empty Nest Coach Christine has her arms out wide and looking up to the sky while in nature, text leads to the online home for the 30-Day  Challenge to Empty Nest Success

30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success

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