Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast with Coach Christine, episode number 61: Be the Amazing Boss of Your Thoughts. I work with mothers of high school students and beyond, who are in the trenches with sad and possibly, overwhelming thoughts about what their life will look like when their baby heads to college and begins to leave the nest. My clients’ big question is what will I do with my time? Is this you? I’ve been there, and I get it. Empowering you to write the next jaw-dropping, amazing chapter in your life is my passion. I am energized by leading you in the process of exploration and am thrilled when you unlock the power that lies within you. This podcast is my gift to you.
Hello, my empty nest friend! Here we go, almost a full month in, in the year 2020. How are your thoughts? Better than last month? How about last year? Heck, if they are a tiny bit better than yesterday, it is an improvement! Something to celebrate!
Thanks! Thank you! It’s time to thank our sponsor. This episode is sponsored by my community, The Green Popsicle Sticks. Ready to find the GPS of your life? Then sign up for my Thursday Thoughts About email, where you will gain immediate access to the GPS Life Principles document, and will receive a link to join our community, and it’s all free! See the link in this episode’s show notes, or head to my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com and click the Thursday Thoughts About button to get started. See you there.
In episode 56, I mentioned that you should be the amazing boss of your thoughts. I’d like to take this episode to dive a bit deeper into this concept by comparing great leadership to how you may manage your thoughts. I started, of course, with a Google search. I made it about three pages in. I didn’t have the time to dive much further than that, I’ll be honest. I narrowed it down to my top two, and they were a 2019 Business Insider article and a Tony Robbins article. With five out of eight of the Tony Robbins’ list being on the business insider list, I decided to use the business insider list for this episode.
I should mention that while I was a fan of this “Business Insider List of Leadership Qualities,” there are a plethora of other lists available on the internet. But for what I need today this, one works perfect. I wanted to look for great leaders because I think sometimes when we see or hear the word “boss,” Andy from The Office comes to mind, or something like that. To find a boss who is also a good leader is a gift. Being the boss versus being a leader has an important impact on how you treat your thoughts, too. So for my purposes today, I’m using the words great leader and amazing boss interchangeably.
In the 2018 article in Businessinsider.com, it lists 10 traits that will make you a successful leader, according to Google’s internal research. I am going to walk through each trait and share why I think it is a great way to think about being the amazing boss of your thoughts.
Number one is being a good coach. Tony Robbins called this the ability to inspire. Okay, when you think about managing your thought deliveries, I love this. Rather than a task manager, who is simply directing the deliveries from one place to another, you begin to train, coach and inspire the deliveries to head in new directions. Some run out the back door and others you train to stick around longer than they may feel comfortable doing. You know the ones where someone says, “You are an amazing mother.” You maybe, used to brush that one off and send it packing out the back door, but you can coach and train your thought deliveries to stick around a bit longer, because, you know what? They feel good, and you deserve them. Inspire them to stay. Coach them to create other thoughts that fall in line with their positivity.
Number two, empowers team and does not micromanage. As an employee, this one is easy to grasp. For our thoughts, this one is interesting. I see it as you need the coaching, the training, the awareness to start. You need to train your mind well, and eventually your thought deliveries will begin to know what your expectations are. They might take longer to get to where you direct them, but they also are fighting years of doing the same thing over and over with no complaints. You know, why do I need to change now? Sometimes time to adjust is needed for your team to trust you, and for you to trust them but when you get there, amazing!
Number three, creates an inclusive environment, showing concern for success and well-being. I love this. For our mind, I see this as not judging your thoughts. Just as we shouldn’t quickly judge team members who are super different from you, or maybe they aren’t showing up the way they used to. Being kind to them is always a win. You know you are going to have thoughts that you don’t like, thoughts that make you angry, thoughts that are unkind to yourself. Don’t judge the thought. Be curious about it and get to know it. You will learn more about yourself by showing interest in the thought, and getting to know it better.
Number four, is productive and results oriented, focused. Yes, please! When you can lead your thought deliveries in your life, you will become supremely productive and results oriented. It is a by-product of being a good leader of your thoughts, but also, the more you do this work, the better you will get at it, the faster you will notice your thought deliveries, question them, and keep them only when they create the impact on your life that you want. Wow, you’re a great leader!
Number five, is a good communicator. Listens and shares information. The listening is a deeper level of our last trait, and the sharing is learning from the listening. For example, when you learn that your child not texting you triggers a thought delivery that makes you feel lousy, you, being able to notice the thoughts and communicate with your own mind to see the thought as it happens, to share your last lessons learned when you had that same thought and then work together with your own mind to have a positive result. At this point you are on your way to developing your superpower.
Number six, supports career development. I firmly believe that your mind is the best asset you have in your life. When you show you care enough about your mind to allow it to grow by doing things such as listening to podcasts like this, reading books, seeking out education to improve your mind, and using what you learn in your life, you give your incredible mind the support it needs to grow, to nurture it, and to have it reach its full potential. It’s incredibly exciting!
Number seven, has a clear vision or strategy for the team (confidence). I don’t see this as something that arrives right away with the strategy never being adjusted. However, I do believe that a vision or strategy for your thoughts is entirely possible. First, let’s imagine a new leader who arrives on the scene to lead a team who is a complete “hot mess.” A wise leader has an idea of a plan, but they also take the time to get to know the team she’s been given; challenges her team, and learns by doing this, where they rise and fall. She educates them. She tests them, and over time, sees an adjusted clear path for the team she has in that given moment.
Yes, our mind is like this. Our minds are a “hot mess” when we allow them to do whatever they want. They’re waiting for an amazing boss, for a great leader. It is our job to be kind to our mind. To love it, get to know it, challenge it, test it, educated it, and through this we will be led to a clear strategy on how to direct it moving forward. When you have the vision, and your thoughts trust you enough to jump on board, your mind will take you to places you never thought possible, just like an amazing boss.
Number eight, has key technical skills to advise them. This is leading the work that is needed to find the strategy and vision. You are gaining skills by listening to this right now. This is the leader’s training. An amazing boss will see what areas they lack and will seek out the skills and/or resources to grow the team. This is what we need to do with our thoughts. By trying things like meditation, walks in nature, crossword puzzles, you’ll find what works best for your thoughts in different moments of your life. For example, you’ll be able to eventually recall that, “Oh, last time I had this thought, I had a hard time clearing it, but a walk in nature helped.” Your mind becomes skilled enough to direct the thought to, “I could use a walk.” Then, it might migrate to, “I need a walk.” Then, “I will walk,” and guess what? The advice helps!
Number nine, collaborates with other teams. Just as in an organization, if a team works only as its team without thinking of the impact it has on other teams, chaos may ensue. Being able to collaborate with others has tremendous positive effects. Your thoughts are no different. You don’t exist in a world where you have thoughts only. As much as I love to talk about them, you would think we do, but, no! There is a great quote that Sir Ken Robinson says in his Ted Talk: “Do Schools Kill Creativity?” It’s one of my favorites, by the way. What he says is that, “Most university professors look at their bodies as transport for their heads…. It’s a way of getting their head to meetings.” If you haven’t had the pleasure of hearing this Ted Talk, even though it is from 2006, I highly recommend it.
Back to collaboration. Our minds need to communicate with our body to get us from place to place. Our body may have warning signals for our mind, that our mind is ignoring. Emotions tend to show up in our body before we are aware of them in our thoughts. It is only by awareness and collaboration with our emotions, bodies, and other humans, that we are able to reach our full potential. It’s great you can manage your emotions, but if that is only when you are all by yourself, in your home, that doesn’t help the rest of us, friend. You have emotions when others are around and being able to manage those is extremely important.
Number 10, is a strong decision maker. So much fun! I took a look at where the word decide comes from. It’s from the latin root word “cide” which means to cut or kill. “De” means off. Together, we have kill off or cut off. Think about the other words with “cide” in it. Some are homocide, pesticide, genocide. When you make a decision, you are killing off the other options. You are saying no to them. When your child decided on a college, they said no to the other schools. When you decided to eat pizza for dinner, you cut off the other options: fish, steak, beef, et cetera.
The inability for a leader to make a strong decision has the potential to destroy an organization. It also risks extreme unclarity within our minds, if we don’t become a strong decision maker for our thoughts. By deciding the option you will take, you allow all of your energy to be focused on that option, rather than the endless options that drive you to inaction. I feel like this could be a whole other episode, just in this topic. What do you think? That wraps up my comparing being an amazing boss of our thoughts to being a great leader.
The questions I have for you in this episode are one, are you an amazing boss of your thoughts? Two, would you add anything to this list? I invite you to fly on over to our Facebook Group to share your answers to these questions with our amazing flock. Our name is Green Popsicle Sticks. Want to know why? Listen to episode number 17, or head to my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com/community for links to join our flock. We look forward to seeing you there!
Thanks! Thank you! A huge shout out to my GPS Execs, the Executive Producers of my podcast. Visit my website, or see my show notes for a link to learn how you may become a GPS Exec, where you will gain bonus access to me and more. Are you receiving my Thursday Thoughts About email yet? When you sign up, you’ll receive an immediate download of our GPS Life Principles printable that shares some of our top concepts with their relevant episodes. It is my gift to you.
As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. My next episode’s title is: Using Gratitude as a Net. If you enjoyed this episode, I invite you to take a moment to subscribe to this podcast. It is free!
My empty nest friend, please remember that you are amazing!