Empty Nest Success Evangelist specializing in coaching mothers entering the empty nest. ★ Master Motivator ★ Podcast Host ★ Together we'll channel your freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy! ~ Christine, Your Empty Nest Coach
161: Empty Nest Success Quick Take - It is Time To Honor Yourself
Hello, my amazing friend.
Welcome to my first Quick Take episode!
Inspiration hit me just as I was wrapping up recording episode 160 to look back at some content (no plan) and see if I could come up with three quick episodes that way. I did!
I love this idea for reviewing content from the past, and it provides an easy way to deliver weekly episodes again.
Let's see how this goes!
As always, I'm cheering you on!
Coach Christine,
Your Empty Nest Coach
"The plan doesn't have to be your boss."
Listen now or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.
More goodies are below, too! Please scroll down to see them all!
An Empty Nest Success - Quick Take Episode: "The plan doesn't have to be your boss." Your Empty Nest Coach podcast #emptynest #life #emptynestsuccess #MakingAPlan #Havefun
This is an empty nest success quick take. A quick episode, in between my monthly episodes, where I look back at content I created before, and share it briefly. Enjoy!
[level-up music]
It feels right to look at the very first email I ever sent as part of Your Empty Nest Coach. I use Active Campaign, so I went into my emails and saw what I sent.
In May of 2019, I was testing the system. And I sent an email to one singular person. That was me!
The title of that email was Thursday, thoughts about “That thing.” I love(d) the idea of having a Thursday thoughts about email: just quick thoughts.
I tend to be way more wordy these days. And looking at this, I like how short and sweet this is. It didn't yet have as much to share either, though.
So here's what I said to myself:
[music plays under this segment (reading)]
That thing you keep thinking about, that thing you keep saying, “I'll do it later.”
It is time.
Time to make a plan and honor yourself by starting now.
Do it.
I believe in you.
I even have a little meme there. I was fancy.
[end music]
Here I am, years later, looking at this email that I sent to myself just to test things. Basically, I was creating content that I wanted to receive from others.
Looking back at this very first email (that I sent myself) makes me incredibly thankful that I did make the plan; that I did honor myself by starting. The me [of] back then wouldn't believe the things that I have accomplished in this time.
It has been slow and steady, beautiful, stressful (sometimes), messy for sure.
I've felt all the emotions, but I'm ever so thankful that past me did take the time to make a plan.
The plan doesn't have to be your boss.
The plan can be vague.
Sometimes just making the planisthe first step.
Make making the plan fun. And guess what, you don't have to accomplish everything that you want tomorrow.
160: Empty Nest Success - Give Your Child Space and Reaching Parenting Goals
Hello, my amazing friend.
Inspiration versus Motivation: it has been on my mind in all areas of my life.
In this episode, I share the idea of giving your child(ren) space to be inspired.
As I listened back to the episode, "inspirational parenting" came to mind to sum this up.
However, how I explain those two words here and what first comes to mind for you may be vastly different. I'd love to know your thoughts!
As always, I'm cheering you on!
Coach Christine,
Your Empty Nest Coach
"Give your children the space to be inspired to have a relationship with you: wouldn’t all of us much rather be with people who love us for who we are rather than remind us who we aren’t?"
Listen now or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.
More goodies are below, too! Please scroll down to see them all!
Empty Nest Success - inspirational parenting? This may not be what you had in mind. More in episode 160 of the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast #emptynest #life #emptynestsuccess #inspirationalparenting #parenting
Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #160. If this isn't your first time listening and you want to skip the introduction portion feel free to tap forward a couple of times. In this podcast, I focus on helping parents who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though; all are welcome here, as I’m focused on coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life, and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up
[level-up music]
your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.
I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today.
Here we go..
[up beat music]
00:00:50
This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.
00:1:19
Before we dive in -a special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass. SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. Register today for a free account to unlock a sampling of those resources - head over to EmptyNestSuccess.com - where you may also support this podcast, join the C.E.O. Training Team, or purchase other premium content.
Want to know more about the C.E.O. Training team? I’ll share more at the tail end of this episode.
If you are looking for something specific or would like to hop around within this episode, you’ll find time markers in the show notes.
00:01:57
[computer game level up music (short)]
My Wish for You Today
My wish for you today is that you realize the power you have within yourself. For example, take a moment to think of the you of ten years ago. Remember a happening in your life where you were stressed out and wondering how things were going to play out. Do you have it? Now jump to you of today, being you of many years later, what would you want to tell that amazing younger version of yourself?
Feel free to pause here while you think about it.
So I ask you, would you say something to your younger self that is encouraging - for example: “I know this feels like the end of the world right now. That is valid. You can work through that emotion, and also, I want you to know that you will manage through this, and you will look back on this one day and know you did it. I’m so thankful you are taking the steps you are taking right now but don’t forget to breathe, don’t forget to have some fun, don’t forget who you are, and don’t forget that you are doing an amazing job with all that you have on your plate. I believe in you. I am thankful for you, and I love you.”
Was it something like that?
Hopefully, what you came up with makes you feel good. If not, feel free to adjust it a bit until you come up with wording that you believe AND that makes you feel good.
And NOW, knowing that there is a future version of yourself that might want to say the same exact thing to you today - about things that might not be super comfortable in the present, you can use those same words for yourself.
Sure, I love reminding you how amazing you are but what is more important is that YOU believe and trust in your own amazingness. You’ve got this. You are navigating this life without an instruction manual, and let’s be honest, that is no joke.
00:03:57
[computer game level up music (short)]
New Things. New Things. New Things!
My personal new things, lately, have been - well - here are some examples: an unexpected new water heater, new roof repairs, a new car battery booster pack, oh, I do have a fun one (yes, this is fun for me) - solar panels for my portable generator. But in general, really fun stuff, right?
In all seriousness, though, I wish I had purchased the car battery booster pack years ago. Now, I don’t need another vehicle to jump my car, and feel confident I can help others if they ever need it. Do you have one of those?
I’ll put a link to the one I purchased in my show notes. Now that I have one and have seen how great they work, I believe everyone should have one of these - and no, this is not an ad or an affiliate link - I just love the thing.
00:04:45
[computer game level up music (short)]
My Lessons Learned
[inspirational music plays under this segment]
Give your children the space to be inspired to have a relationship with you.
Let me say that again.
Give your children the space to be inspired to have a relationship with you.
For many of us who have or have had our identities wrapped up in being a parent, this may feel super uncomfortable.
I’ve learned this lesson by watching my clients. I’ve been able to witness clingy moms who self-identify as “smotherers” - you know, like the Goldbergs? I’ve watched them begin to cautiously provide space to their children. Children who move out of the house, travel the world or take an activity that is difficult to comprehend as their parent.
The discomfort is fierce at first, and then it begins to level out into a calm ripple, if you will, until new emotions appear, such as surprise that they went days without worrying about their adult child. Or amazement that something they would have earlier lost their cool about or phoned all their friends to complain about for hours on end, well, these same parents now roll with the punches and find themselves even wondering, “What’s the big deal?”
Sometimes, they find that their children are at first unsettled by the change they are seeing in their parent - discomfort even - not in a painful way but more of a “who is this parent of mine, because I haven’t seen this side of them before.”
I’ve watched that parent who can’t seem to let go, holding so tight and causing their child to run away as fast as possible. I’ve seen that same parent emerge into a parent who appreciates where they are and what is ahead for them and their kiddo - even when that means they are continents away.
I’ve been able to hear first-account stories of the same children who couldn’t leave home fast enough to gain their freedom, become children who invite said-parent on trips with them, and also do things for mom and dad they never would have done before.
I’ve been reflecting on this lately. No, it’s not a scientific study - simply observation of some families. It does, though, make sense to me that when we, as parents, remove the forced expectations on our children in how they must behave and show up for us, that they then have the space to be inspired to have a relationship with us.
We’ve all heard it: If you love something, let it go.
And I don’t know about you, but I’ll choose an inspired relationship over a forced and motivated relationship any day.
It is better for everyone. It is better energy, and there is the space for everyone to be themselves. It’s beautiful. Sure, there are still messy moments, but they tend to be threaded with a lot more joy and silliness and overall fun.
Is there a downside to giving your child space?
When we do give them space and remove expectations, they have the opportunity to become keenly aware of the space. And this is where the blocks of relationship building that you have done up until this point matter.
If you give them space and in their reflection, they come to the conclusion that you don’t really love them - or like them - for who they are and that you really don’t have their back at all. They may not ever be inspired to relationship building with you.
I know, it’s really tough love, but it does happen. My guess, though, I’ll be honest, if you are listening to this podcast, this is NOT you.
But, my two cents - you can take them or leave them - is that I do believe most relationships can be healed if both parties are willing to show up in a way that gives space to one another. In a way where they’re aware that their own happiness depends on themselves - not on the other person.
I also believe in parental apologies where they are necessary- we are all human, anyway, and make mistakes. Sometimes we’re simply doing what we’ve been modeled our whole life.
We can learn. We can do better as we learn. We can apologize. We can forgive.
What we can’t do, ultimately, is control another human being. And would you want that kind of relationship long-term?
What we can do is be responsible for ourselves.
We can learn to love ourselves; we can treat ourselves better - setting an example (even if it is a new one) to our children, and then we can hold space for them to be who they are.
What a gift.
Wouldn’t all of us would much rather be with people who love us for who we are rather than remind us who we aren’t?
My listener, take care of yourself, my beautiful friend. Love on yourself. Allow your children space to be who they are - and love them for that - no more, no less.
Let them fail. Let them try things. Let them live. Celebrate for them when they are happy and let them know that you want a relationship for life with them, and talk about what that looks like for both of you - knowing that over time, how it looks may change.
Know, though, as you both grow more into who you are because the space is there to do that, you very well may be gifted with a stronger relationship than ever before.
Being a human and a parent isn’t easy.
I’d like to see my kiddo live life fully as they are meant to.
And if that means I’m in their life more or less - it is okay because they aren’t on this planet to serve me.
I’ve received the most thoughtful gifts, learned amazing lessons, been invited on trips, and am inspired all the time by my daughter. I can’t imagine a life where I forced more of what I need, what I expect, and I believe onto her. I know one thing for sure: I wouldn’t have any idea who she really was, and there’s a chance she wouldn’t either.
00:10:58
[computer game level up music (short)]
Ask Coach Christine
Christine, I’ve always wanted to be a mother. Now what?
I have heard this statement more than a few times from clients. Their life goal was to be a mother. Now that their child (or children) are moving out and on - in whatever capacity - they struggle with, “what now?” because that was their goal.
How incredible is it really, if this is you, you’ve reached your life goal?
First of all, parenthood doesn’t end because your child moves out. It does change. More than likely, you’ll see them again if you’ve earned a relationship with them, and, yes, we talked about that in the last segment.
Absolutely, things are going to be different in this new phase of life.
Parenthood should look different in the upcoming years, and now you get the amazing opportunity to create brand new life goals while knowing you’ve reached one. That’s amazing!
00:12:03
[quirky music under segment]
Christine? Christine? Christine, where are you?
Well, of course, C.E.O. Training Team to Empty Nest Success members have access to me, and I’m often creating resources for that space. I’m also traveling for an event or two and, believe it or not, taking some time off in October - [gasp].
And BabyBoomer.org! You’ll find this podcast now included in BabyBoomer.org’s podcast hub! BabyBoomer.org is the ultimate baby boomer news, guide & community - you’ll find topics such as news, entertainment, lifestyle, relationships, and more there. Full transparency, I’m not a baby boomer. I did mention that, and they thought my content was a great fit for their website visitors, so we have a lovely partnership - also check out the many other podcasts listed there as well! The link in my show notes will take you to the Kids & Family section of their listed podcasts.
00:13:07
[computer game level up music (short)]
What’s in your life’s toolbox?
Your C.E.O. Toolbox is the analogy we use here for items and resources that help you get through tough moments, enjoy the amazing moments, and then also do the deeper work as needed. Your C.E.O. Toolbox is yours. It should have things that work for you, and you should take inventory from time to time because sometimes things that worked well for you two years ago or a month ago, just aren’t working any longer.
Today, I’m sharing a top-of-the-toolbox item and it's standup comedy. My daughter invited me to see comedian Chris Fleming with her last weekend. The venue was incredibly intimate, which made it a bit surreal. Comedy is so good for the soul, and I do love using laughter as a reset. And laugh, we did! My face hurt for two days from all of the laughing. I’ll link some of my favorite Chris Fleming videos in my show notes - and try the one that’s E.T. related.
00:14:09
Two Questions for You
Question 1: Was being a parent what you always wanted to do?
and Question 2: Do you allow your child - or children - the space to be inspired into a relationship with you?
As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.
My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.
If you enjoy[ed] this episode, please don’t forget to share it with others; it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. Also, don’t forget to follow this podcast - Your Empty Nest Coach - in your favorite podcast player - or register for a free account in the empty nest success home. You may also join my Thursday Thoughts about email list, where I’ll pop in your inbox with a thought and updates on most Thursdays. Those are the best ways to be notified when I release a new episode.
All the links and resources I mentioned, you’ll find in this episode’s show notes.
Of course, I’ll be back next month with a new episode!
My empty nest or future-empty nest friend, may you provide yourself space to discover who you are because YOU ARE AMAZING!
We have Power Hours every Monday to reset yourself - you can show up (or not). You’ll get four private coaching sessions (15-minutes) with me to utilize however you like over six months of time.
You get all of the resources I’ve created to date, including workshops on a variety of topics, some lessons, what-if affirmations that show up weekly, and more.
159: Empty Nest Success When You're Self Conscious about Going Gray, Would You Try a Rage Room and a Giveaway
Podcast episode artwork is of where I recorded much of this episode - in my van!
Hello, my amazing friend.
This episode is packed full of content. Enjoy!📦
As always, I'm cheering you on!
Coach Christine,
Your Empty Nest Coach
"My wish for you today is that you already understand - or are beginning to uncover - who you are and that you fully grasp and know in your soul that you are here for a reason."
Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.
More goodies below, too! Scroll down , so you don't miss anything!
Empty Nest Success When You're Self Conscious about Going Gray, Would You Try a Rage Room, a Giveaway & More: episode 159 of the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast #emptynest #life #emptynestsuccess #goinggray #naturelessons
Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #159. If this isn't your first time listening and you want to skip the introduction portion feel free to tap forward a couple of times. In this podcast, I focus on helping parents who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though, all are welcome here, as I’m all about coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up
[level-up music]
your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.
I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today.
[up beat music]
00:00:46
This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.
00:1:14
Before we dive in - a tiny bit of housekeeping and I’m going to see how fast I can share these with you -
First, you’ll find time markers in this episode’s full show notes, if you are looking for something specific or would like to hop around.
Reminder #3 If you enjoy this podcast, don’t forget to follow it in your favorite podcast player - or register for a free account in the empty nest success home. You may also join my Thursday Thoughts about email list where I’ll pop in your inbox with a thought and updates on most Thursdays. Those are the best ways to be notified when I release a new episode.
And finally, a special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass. SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. Register today for that free account I mentioned - you’ll find it at EmptyNestSuccess.com - where you may also support this podcast, join the C.E.O. training team, or purchase other premium content.
00:02:11
[computer game level up music (short)]
My Wish for You Today
If you are in the midst of adjusting to having your kiddo - or children (plural) now living outside of your home - be it temporary or permanent, I want to encourage you to be patient with yourself, feel the emotions, take deep breaths, whatever you experience is yours to experience, and it doesn’t need to be the same as your friend’s experience. Be you and be IN your experience. I have many episodes, resources and videos on the socials about the adjustment. If you are looking for anything in particular, just let me know! And, I’m cheering you on!
Now, My wish for you today is that you already understand or are beginning to uncover who you are and that you fully grasp and know in your soul that you are here for a reason.
00:02:59
[computer game level up music (short)]
New Things. New Things. New Things!
I’m a minimalist at heart - if you’ve been listening a while, you already know that. And yes, while that applies to the physical things, I’ve been focused over the last month on what do I really have to do today? And the answer is always a lot less than my super long to do list is telling me to do. As I focus on being inspired into creation rather than motivated because I have to do a thing, life has become even more fun - even while finding plumbing leaks, having a new role at my day job, car not starting, and my daughter navigating her chronic illness. Just when I think I know the must-dos for the day, something happens and reframes it all again. And reminds me that I can shorten the list - again - because that list isn’t going anywhere.
00:03:47
[computer game level up music (short)]
My Lessons Learned
[inspirational music plays under this segment]
You may already know how much I love nature, and especially early mornings in nature. My most recent hang out early in the morning is a local park that has a lake. A few weeks ago, there was an incredible amount of fog. So much fog that you could barely see the lake. It made me think about the empty nest transition - whether you are going through it with a partner or solo, it doesn’t matter. There is an adjustment to discovering who you are going forward - almost as if discovering a new identity. For many of us, we’ve never really gone past the fog to discover who we are. I thought I’d share the lesson I gained by looking at the fog that particular day and it was a way to look at the phases of self-discovery.
Phase 1 - we are going through life surrounded by fog - meaning mostly going through the motions: doing what we have to do, what we’ve always done, it kind of feels like life, we say we are living, but we are so used to the fog, we aren’t even aware of it. It has become normal. Others may call this sleepwalking through life, or in the matrix, or unconsciously living.
Phase 2: The fog starts to clear - this is when you notice you are IN a fog, that there might be more outside of the fog and you take some careful movements forward. You realize you’ve been going through the motions, and you consider: is there more than this? There might be. There might not be. And you begin to ask yourself questions such as “Do I want more than this? Is this who I am? Who am I?” and more.
In Phase 3, you can see a big lake, as you look closer, with a reflection in it - and when seeing the reflection you scan to see where the water creates a line - a border - between land and air, but actually, it is blurring together making it difficult to determine. As with all of these phases, you wiggle a bit back and forth on whether or not you wanna keep on discovering, it is after all, all new and can feel scary and unclear.
Phase 4 is when you walk close enough to see your reflection in the water. You have to be so close to the water to see your reflection. The water is still and you take in the image as if you’ve never seen it before. Who is this person? Do I prefer the fog-filled auto-pilot life better? I might.
You keep going and reach phase 5: It dawns on you how unreal that image of you in the water is and you see that you are in a body that houses your thoughts, your emotions, your trauma, your love, your fears, YOU. And while others have been helpful and supportive, or may guide you on this path of self-discovery, the one who has the most to lose and gain is ultimately YOU. Imagine picking up a smooth stone, and tossing it into the water - rippling away your reflection.
You take a deep breath and another and you feel how your body exists in the world - how your feet touch the ground, how you stand in your physicality. You turn away from the fog and lake and know that while you aren’t sure who you are going to find, you can’t wait to be more of YOU and less of what the world has told you you need to be - as a child, as a parent, as a co-worker, as a friend. You feel empowered, scared, peaceful, excited, thrilled all at once but you know you have felt your connection to your inner self - for just a moment, maybe, and you want more than that. Ultimately, you know the you of ten years from now is who you are honoring by continuing the discovery. After all, you and them, you’re both amazing!
00:07:31
[computer game level up music (short)]
Ask Coach Christine
Christine, do you have a way to be less self-conscious about my appearance as I grow out my gray, or grow my gray hair out? What’s the proper way to say that?
This was a specific question asked during one of our C.E.O. Training Team (to Empty Nest Success) Power Hours - we do those weekly on Mondays. I asked when the self-consciousness appeared for this person and there was a very specific example of being out the grocery store - someone seeing them with their hair growing out and the thoughts coming in.
And here are a few things to keep in mind.
First, the thoughts that are causing your self-consciousness about your hair are your thoughts. Ouch, right? Because unless you have some magical power that allows you to dive into their mind, you are only guessing what they are thinking. More than likely this happens in a split second and you may feel your body tense or stomach feel off before you even notice that your thoughts have gone to how embarrassed you are about your hair (and yes, you can apply this to anything - not just your hair).
Second, the moment you are able to notice your concern of what someone else thinks about you, you have made a step forward. Celebrate this! You have begun to make progress because now you have the opportunity to do one of a few things: a) change the thought you are having b) stop it completely by thinking about something else, or c) keep thinking about it over and over, and over, and over,and over, and over, and over again.
The third thing to keep in mind is if you notice something you’d like to create less resistance in your life for you, such as this, do some thought-work around it when you’re not out in public. There is this part of you that probably doesn’t love the way your hair looks. If you did, you wouldn’t care what anyone else thought. It would be like someone saying they really hate the dress that you’re wearing, and meanwhile you’re in a pantsuit.
You’re not there in your head, so it doesn’t bother you. You’re like, “err, they’re crazy, I don’t know what they’re thinking about.
That’s where we want you to get with your gray hair.
Ultimately, this though-processing is yours to do but it is fun to play with what-if statements so let’s try that:
What if me growing out my gray hair represents me discovering who I am? What if I don’t care what anyone thinks about it? What future-me loves the results and is patiently waiting for the hair to grow? What if I find I don’t love it in the end and decide to color it again? What would I make that mean and what if I don’t make it mean anything other than I allowed myself this time of growth to be one that I tried something new? What if I love the results? What if I love the growing out process? What if I have fun with this? What if this process is one of peace and joy? What if?
So, those are some serious thoughts about it but we also then had an incredible amount of fun with it and I’m going to share that portion of my answer in the Find the Funny segment of this podcast episode.
00:10:26
[quirky music under segment]
Christine? Christine? Christine, where are you?
I was supposed to mention this ages ago but I believe I may have left it out of prior episodes, so better late than never! You’ll find me as a guest on the PractiMama Parenting podcast that was recorded also, ages ago, before my daughter had graduated from college, before my divorce, before my last name change - before the pandemic even. The PractiMama podcast, hosted by Lee Uehara is focused on mothers with younger children and I do love chatting to moms with younger children! The title of her episode is A Parenting Tip for Being Frustrated with Your Toddler - link will be in the show notes and the entire episode is under five minutes in length!
Also if you are listening to this episode within a week of its release, I have a giveaway currently going on, on TikTok to celebrate passing 10,000 followers. It’s hard to believe that many people have watched and decided to follow me at some point or the other. So, thank you if that’s you, or if that’s going to be you, I appreciate all of you: listeners of my podcast, followers on social media, and more. Look for the video that says Enter Now in the thumbnail to enter - I’ll be hiding that video once the giveaway ends. Good Luck!
00:11:45
[computer game level up music (short)]
Celebrating you and your wins
Well, we have so much to celebrate this month from everyone. Super exciting!
HotFlashesAndCoolTopics: heading to 4th tennis clinic this week!
Bonnie Business Coach Frank: I took two weeks off work because my body was telling me that I needed a break. Entrepreneurs tend to be bad at self care and don’t stop working. I can vouch for that!
Katie Robinson: I overcame a mental block and successfully did a flying sidekick over a stack of 4 targets in taekwondo for the first time in ages! For the past month every time I saw more than two targets stacked I would lose confidence and stutter-step instead of jumping over them, but no more!
Eyyy Its Tafen says im going back home in two day for a visit, ive been away for over a month now for college and i miss them
Yaggi Toshinori: I've been working on a drawing and I've improved much more than I thought I could!
Okkilume: i finally made a decision to move where i truly want to live and quit my toxic workplace i'm still scared, but we're getting somewhere
Boneheaded_Alien says I’ve been consistently waking up before noon!
Skittelson135 says: i got the trash out on time!
Mannaquinskywalker06 : I’m closer to getting my permit than ever before
[cheers]
I had so much fun gathering all of these together, reading them again and thinking of you all - thanks for sharing your wins with us.
If you want your win included next time, be sure to follow me on Instagram or TikTok and comment on the next Wednesday Win video that I post - be sure to add a microphone emoji so I know I have your permission to share your win with my listeners. Wins big and small we celebrate them all. I can’t wait to cheer you on!
00:13:25
[computer game level up music (short)]
What’s in your life’s toolbox?
Your C.E.O. Toolbox is the analogy we use here for items and resources that help you get through tough moments, enjoy the amazing moments and then also, do some deeper work, as needed. Your C.E.O. Toolbox is yours. It should have things that work for you, and you should take inventory from time to time, because sometimes the things that worked well for you two years ago aren’t doing it for you any longer. Today’s recommendation is a fun one if you have one near you.
What is it? Now, I haven’t done this one myself but one of my clients did and absolutely LOVED it. It’s the idea of a destruction room or rage room. While she didn’t go to a destruction room or rage room, she mimicked it in her house, in a way. I might have their particulars off a bit but I seem to remember mention of boxing gloves, loud music, a pillow or two to hit and a lot of yelling. The result felt so good for them that they shared it with us and said, “maybe I should find a rage room? “Now, they were alone, yelled a lot, and was completely safe - had planned it out, if you are curious.
I looked at her and said, “this is a toolbox item for you,” and quite honestly now I’m curious about trying this.
So, my listener, I ask you today, have you ever been to a rage room, or given yourself the space to consciously destroy something in an effort to allow your body to release whatever it is holding on to?
00:14:53
Let’s find the funny!
[giggles from others]
I did promise you the funny version of our gray hair grow out conversation and that was when I asked them what they thought the other person was thinking, they shared. And, I said, “so to be clear, you think that this person who probably is in Wal-mart or CVS or wherever you are isn’t thinking about the 400 things in their life but they’re really thinking something like”…
What is going on with her hair? She is really letting herself go. How could she leave the house like that and be seen in public? Doesn’t she know what hair dye is? I think this store needs to make an announcement. [noise] excuse us shoppers but we have an important announcement to make: we have a shopper who has decided to leave her house, drive here, and shop in the midst of “going gray” She’s in aisle 14 and we think you all should head over there to take a good, long, look. Be sure to make a face, to tell her it isn’t becoming and that she should go home. Thank you and have a nice day.
So, at this point we are giggling a bit but then we add… what we think is really on in their heads.
I don’t know what my wife meant by this on the list. What is the smell in this aisle. Oh, they changed the box color and I’m not sure which item is the one I usually buy now. I can’t believe I lost my phone today! Do I have the money to buy this? [sigh] I’m so exhausted. Oh,I just want to go home and sleep. Paper. Paper. Oh, can’t my children just stay close to the cart so I don’t have to worry about them getting trampled by other carts?Paper, paper, paper, all I need is paper. Don’t look at the other things. Paper, I need paper. Yes, there it is. Woo hoo! I’m outta here….
This all started from the mention of going gray and we end up belly laughing over the store announcements and what everyone’s thinking. So, I hope that next time you catch that pit in your stomach or tension over what someone else may be thinking of you, that you remember more than likely they’re dealing with their own stuff.
00:16:45
[computer game level up music (short)]
What I Wish My Parents Knew
There is something that parents and grandparents say often - I’ve caught myself saying this - and I’ve heard multiple people complain about the impact of it. I’ve been on the receiving end of it, too.The statement is “just wait until you are older.”
The statement sometimes is around good things. Other times, it’s around things such as how great the younger generation has it now.
And what I’ve heard from the younger-set is that - and that I’ve experienced - is that it isn’t a super supportive statement. It has made me consider other things I can say when I start to want to say this - when I hear the words forming in my mind…
Rather than saying “just wait until you are older, ” How about…
I prefer honesty. So I’d probably lean toward, “You know I was going to say, “just wait until you are older, but I realize that isn’t super helpful.” - and then wait, see what comes out of it.
or
That sounds frustrating (or exciting) is that how it feels?
or
I remember feeling something like that in my life. I’m happy to share that if you think it is helpful, otherwise, I’m also happy to be a place for you to process your experience.
Or how about
If it’s more serious - “That sounds serious. May I help in any way? I’m finding myself wanting to jump in and help.”
Those are some ideas.
Obviously, you can keep saying “Just wait until you are older,” you do you after all. It’s easy to fall into the trap to think you know how something is going to play out for someone but ultimately, we aren’t them. So removing some assumptions - no matter how well we know them - might be an interesting thing to try. As always, have fun with it!
00:18:30
Two Questions for You
Question 1: Are you able to identify thoughts that don’t serve you, throughout the day?
and Question 2: Have you been to or would you go to a rage room?
As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.
My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.
If you enjoy this episode please don’t forget to share it with others, it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. Yes, all the goodies, links and resources are in my show notes. I’ll be back next month with a new episode.
My empty nest or future-empty nest friend, have some fun. Take some deep breaths, take some walks, and feel your inner you within your body - you might learn something and of course, remember that YOU ARE AMAZING!
[end music]
00:19:28
[bloopers]
00:20:29
Still Listening?
My new last name? It is now Oakfield. I am Christine Oakfield. I love it and am starting to get used to using it. Thanks for all the messages about my name change which I spoke about in my last episode.
158: Empty Nest Success - When The Path Becomes Clear & Guest LaTrina Rogers on What She Wishes Parents of College Students Knew
Podcast episode artwork is a selfie on a sunrise walk. This is real life.
Hello, my amazing friend.
Life will continue to test your thoughts about everything. Be cognizant of what is going on in your mind, as it is game-changing.
As always, I'm cheering you on!
Coach Christine,
Your Empty Nest Coach
"No one was ever in my way more than I allowed them to be AND no one was ever in my way more than I was."
Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.
More goodies below, too! Scroll down , so you don't miss anything!
"No one was ever in my way more than I allowed them to be AND no one was ever in my way more than I was." episode 158 of the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast #emptynest #life #emptynestsuccess
LaTrina Rogers, M.S. Ed. is the Director of Residential Life at Ranken Technical College in St. Louis, MO. Driven by a passion for student success, she assists college students to find their voice for self advocacy and implement responsibility and independence while living on campus. A Student Affairs Professional with 19 years experience in higher education, LaTrina has worked in a variety of roles including Admissions, Academic Advising, Veterans Advising and currently Residence Life.
Her goal to encourage student independence led to the creation of her brand “The Dorm Mom”. LaTrina’s brand has launched with the goal of coaching parents to transition from leading their students to supporting them as they embark on independence while experiencing student housing on their college campus. She also writes for CollegiateParent a magazine and website for parents preparing their students to attend college.
Dedicated to encouraging and helping others, LaTrina serves the community with several organizations. She serves on the Board of Directors of Valeda’s Hope, a community support breast cancer organization. As the President of the Board of Advisors for The Hurston & Hughes Literary Circle, LaTrina supports the literary exposure to students of authors of the Black and Brown diaspora. LaTrina also served the American Heart Association in St. Louis over 15 years as a volunteer with the Multicultural Committee (Chair 2012-2014) and winner of the Community Impact Award. She is also a member of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc.which serves the community based on its founding principles of Scholarship, Service, Sisterhood, and Finer Womanhood.
* affiliate link to SupaPass - which powers our community! Should you purchase using the link, I make a commission.
Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #158. If this isn't your first time listening and you want to skip the introduction portion feel free to tap forward a couple of times. In this podcast, I focus on helping parents who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though, all are welcome here, as I’m all about coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up
[level-up music]
your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.
I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. Here we go…
[up beat music]
00:00:53
This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.
00:1:22
Before we dive in, this is the first episode I have released since the June 24th Supreme Court decision to overturn Roe versus Wade, and I’d like to take a moment to address it. No, I don’t always share things like this here but this one, my inner guidance wouldn’t let go of. The Supreme Court’s decision stripped away the legal right to have a safe and legal abortion for all Americans by leaving this decision up to the states. Restricting access to comprehensive reproductive care, including abortion, threatens the health and independence of all Americans impacting us, our children and generations to come. This decision could also lead to the loss of other rights. To learn more about what you can do to help, visit podvoices.help you’ll find ways to get involved and other resources there. I encourage you to take care, speak up, and spread the word all from a place of love.
00:2:22
[jingle]
And now for the usual quick reminders:
First, you’ll find time markers in this episode’s full show notes, if you are looking for something specific or would like to hop around.
Reminder #3 If you enjoy this podcast, don’t forget to follow it in your favorite podcast player - or register for a free account in the empty nest success home. You may also join my Thursday Thoughts about email list where I’ll pop in your inbox with a thought and updates on most Thursdays. Those are the best ways to be notified when I release a new episode.
And finally, a special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass. SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. Register today for that free account I mentioned - you’ll find it at EmptyNestSuccess.com - where you may also join the C.E.O. training team, or purchase other premium content.
00:03:30
[computer game level up music (short)]
My Wish for You Today
My wish for you today is that you are able to see and believe in an exciting future ahead, by allowing yourself permission to become YOU - to see opportunities you might normally miss.
If you are intrigued and want to dive a bit deeper into this topic, I have a short “What if” affirmation and worksheet related to this topic titled (Open Eyes - Empty Nest Success) available for you - see the show notes!
00:04:02
[computer game level up music (short)]
New Things. New Things. New Things!
I added a membership option in the Empty Nest Success community. I’ll be breaking all future podcast episodes and the back catalogue, as I have time - into segments to make topics easier to find! Become a Your Empty Nest Coach podcast patron for access and a few other goodies including a podcast shout-out are included- join today for only $5/month!
Another new thing is you’ll find the podcast episodes that are parts of a series - curated now also in the Empty Nest Success community. Curated topics include - Empty Nest Syndrome, Empty Nest Prep, The C.E.O. of Your Life concepts, and more!
00:04:46
[computer game level up music (short)]
My Lessons Learned
Sometimes things get easier the more you embrace them. Have you ever noticed that?
About six months ago, I said to myself, “What if I don’t keep my married last name?” I gave it some thought, and quickly poo-pooed the idea. Yeah, I said poo-poo.
A bit later, it popped in my mind again, at that time, I did a little online research and once I saw how much work is involved and that it could impact my credit score, I stopped considering it again. After all, I thought to myself, “Christine, it has already been a busy year, do we really need to add ANYTHING else into the mix?”
So, I let it go again.
Again, it came up and I couldn’t shake it… by now, though, I began to consider, “Okay, what would I change my name to?” And then it took courage to say what I was thinking out loud to someone - that I’m thinking about completely changing my current last name - I believe my daughter heard it first. Honestly, she was way more supportive than she needed to be but she’s also one of the most practical humans I know and someone who is extremely aware that her mother changing her name isn’t about her it is for her mother. - Yeah, I feel like I should wipe away the tears now.
I still wasn’t ready to commit to the change but began floating the idea a bit more as the weeks progressed. Even mentioned it to some others - who had a bit more push back on the topic - especially since I was planning on going with a brand new last name.
There was a lot of back and forth for me on the topic and then finally one day I woke up and thought, ”Yes, I’m gonna do it. I’m ready to put the finances behind it and do the paper work - ohhhhh the paperwork.
Then the waiting: Who do I tell? Anyone? Everyone? Does anyone want to be there with me at my court hearing? Should I ask anyone? Should I do it alone?
The last time I changed my name, there was a really big ceremony and party. And this time… what do I do?
Whoo. After working through my own thoughts and desires, navigating comfortably (though sometimes not so well) around other people’s reactions, getting fingerprinted, the criminal check, the searches on the name, two counties to go process it all through since I had recently moved, public notices in papers and many phone calls. Way too many phone calls, but the day finally arrives.
I head to my morning appointments to pick up final paperwork. Super easy - and the friendliest of people everywhere. I had a few hours before the hearing, so I treated myself to a lovely meal in one of my favorite lunch spots, I arrived super early and had this moment where I was the only one in this huge stone hallway of the courthouse. Big, wide, sterile feeling - a lot of marble and grey, if you can picture it. The kind where if you walk with heels - you hear the echo for seconds.
No one was there.
And in that moment, it hit me how clear the rest of my path was to get this done. No one was going to oppose the change. No one was ever in my way any more than I allowed them to be. I did this for me but I had to decide it was worth the joyous investment of my time to make this huge - and it is HUGE - change.
There I am: sitting in the hallway, processing all of this - thinking it would make a great episode.
And just as I was thinking about “if I could have anyone here with me, who WOULD it be?” At that moment, I heard the sound of a group of people chatting enter the hallway and head towards me. All to the courtroom I’m assigned to. All name changes. Every single person there with me in that moment understood the impact. Understood the paperwork, the emotions and the change. They were exactly who I needed with me. For an hour or so, we were all family. It was beautiful. All of us were changing our names for different reasons. All of us were nervous, and excited at the same time. We waited together, extended encouragement and celebratory words when the judge agreed to sign the court orders. I cried tears of joy for the others much easier than for me because when it was my turn I was in work mode. But it was amazing, and fantastic and lovely.
Just as you reach a destination in your life, understanding it’s only the beginning of what is next makes it fun.
Two days later I spent the day at the social security office, the DMV, notaries and more. All went so much better than expected. Despite being told by three people that day, that the DMV wasn’t gonna to give me a new license without x, y, and z.
And what is the lesson I learned? I already kind of said it with:
“No one was ever in my way any more than I allowed them to be.”
I’ll adjust that statement to:
No one was ever in my way more than I allowed them to be AND no one was ever in my way more than I was.
And how can we apply this to the empty nest?
Well, we often get in our own way with our thoughts. We spend hours and hours of time “worried and concerned for our kids, for our future, about choices and more” time that we could be focused instead on the things that bring us joy. After all, when is the last time you saw worry and concern, actually fix a problem? Think about it. Worry and concern: they mostly just seem to stir a pot of drama but there are some who do love the drama. If you aren’t one those humans, pay attention to your thoughts and where they are throughout the day - you’ll catch them in the strangest of places.
And when you do catch them, don’t add to the drama by being upset that you had the thought in the first place, or that you spent so much time thinking about it. Instead, try being thankful that you caught the thought before it spiraled. Be thankful that you have the opportunity to change it to a thought that allows you to feel better.
And the more thoughts you change, the clearer your path will become.
It’s all you, after all. You’ve got this and I’m cheering you on!
00:11:52
[computer game level up music (short)]
Ask Coach Christine
Christine, my kiddo is heading off to college in the fall. I am excited for them. People keep telling me, though, “just you wait - you are going to be a mess.” I’m not seeing it. Should I be concerned?
Simply? Nope.
If you need a little more, here you go: If you feel good right now, stay there! You may feel perfectly fine - even wonderful - through the transition and the empty nest years - or, it might hit you all of the sudden. Either way, your journey is YOUR journey. There is no right or wrong. There is, however, NOW. Now, this moment, this is all you do know for sure, so if you feel good now. Embrace it. Lean into it and let others spin their tales about how you might feel. That is their story to tell but for now, you are exactly where you need to be! Enjoy it!
00:12:57
[computer game level up music (short)]
What’s in your life’s toolbox?
Your C.E.O. Toolbox is the analogy we use for items and resources that help you get through tough moments, enjoy the amazing moments and then also, do some deeper work, as needed. Today’s recommendation is a fun one and one that would be a top-of-the-toolbox item - it isn’t deeper level work - but it could turn into that, for sure.
What is it? It’ s to sign up for something you wouldn’t normally sign up for - something that maybe you needed to do a double-take when you read it or heard about it, or something that is a bit challenging but also something that you could imagine a version of yourself doing. It could be virtual or in-person. It could be something you pay for or something that’s free. Maybe it’s not an event but it’s reading a genre of book that you wouldn’t normally read. It really can be anything. Something that’s a stretch for you but also do-able.
For some of you, a warning, the goal is NOT to set out to become an expert. The goal is to see if you like it - and also what can you learn about yourself by trying it? Learning what motivates you - and what doesn’t. Learning what you enjoy doing - and what you don’t enjoy doing is incredibly valuable - it’s more information for that toolbox of yours!
I’d love to know what you try!
00:14:27
[computer game level up music (short)]
What I Wish My Parents Knew
I have a special guest for this segment, LaTrina Rogers, also known as The Dorm Mom on TikTok, where I believe I first connected with her. LaTrina shares with us today what she wishes parent knew. She is the Director of Residential Life at Ranken Technical College in St. Louis, Mo and she’s driven by a passion for student success. LaTrina’s full bio and link to her website will be - you guessed it - in my show notes. Be sure to connect with her and let her know you heard her segment here!
Things I wish parents knew from The Dorm Mom. I wish parents knew that teaching independence has to come with opportunities to be independent. And those opportunities can be done very early, by a student learning to complete an application by student learning to self advocate for resources that they need in school. Those things can be easily taught so that when they get older, for instance, the audience I work with are college students, when a student gets older, and they come to college, that parents should go from leading that student to supporting that student, meaning the students should be completed their own applications for housing, for college, for parking. Over my years in higher education, I have seen countless amounts of parents completing applications for their student. And I strongly encourage the parents to not do that, because it takes away the opportunity for their students to be independent. That student will have to answer questions when that parent goes home. And that student is now matriculating on a college campus. So it's very imperative they learn those little things. And that also gives them confidence in their independence. Allow your students to experience those little bumps of adversity that may come if they miss a deadline, if they don't show up on time, there are consequences to actions. And oftentimes parents tried to remove the consequences. But part of being independent and having freedom is that there's a responsibility to go with it. All of that is taught not just by instruction, but it's solidified by experience. And that independence, as you know, as a parent, as an adult, is beyond joyous especially for someone young and just experiencing it. So remember, take your student, from leading them to supporting them at the proper age, and also encourage independence by giving small opportunities for them to engage in it. You can empower your student to be great in so many things, and on so many levels. That's what I wish parents knew.
00:17:44
Two Questions for You
Question 1: Are you able to identify thoughts that don’t serve you, throughout the day?
and Question 2: Is there something you’ve been wanting to try?
As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.
My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.
If you enjoy this episode please don’t forget to share it with others, it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. Yes, all the goodies, links and resources are in my show notes. I’ll be back next month with a new episode.
Thank you for listening.
Thanks for being you. The world is incredibly lucky to have you here.
YOU ARE AMAZING!
[end music]
00:18:37
[bloopers]
00:19:02
Still Listening?
I am aware that I didn’t tell you my new last name. It isn’t really a secret I just am still syncing everything behind the scenes. I did share the story with C.E.O. Training team members in a behind the scenes video. So, if you’re a member and curious, check out the video. It will be public everywhere soon enough and much of that story feels like it will be in my upcoming book.
157: Listen to this episode when you need help in appreciating the past and need some self-prioritization tips
Hello, my amazing friend.
My goodness, you are amazing. Seriously! You are showing up in your own life and doing the thing. You are worth the joyous investment in who you are.
As always, I'm cheering you on!
This is a FULL episode with a brand new "empty nest news" section for our consideration. I'd love your thoughts.
Have a presence-filled day!
Coach Christine,
Your Empty Nest Coach
"I want to tell you, my beautiful, amazing friend, that any discomfort that comes up through conversations to make this happen for you - for you to allow yourself to have this time - you are so worth the incredible investment to become who you are. [Remember] we are working on your evolution of becoming you. It's not going to end tomorrow; it will keep going."
Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.
More goodies below, too! Scroll down , so you don't miss anything!
It is here! @emptynestcoach 's newest podcast episode: Listen to this episode when you need help in appreciating the past and need some self-prioritization tips#emptynest#life#emptynestsuccess#newepisode#emptynestsuccess#whatIwishmyparentsknew#wins#5ofJoy
Hi, I'm Coach Christine. This is my podcast. It's the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast and we're on episode 157. Tap 30 seconds ahead if this isn't your first time listening and want to skip this introduction portion. In this podcast I focus on helping mothers who are freaking out about the Empty Nest ahead. We'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries though, all are welcome here as I'm all about coaching you to become the C.E.O. of your life. And in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious, Effective Olympian. You'll do this by leveling up
[level-up music]
your life in small increments. Those small wins add up to big changes. I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. Here we go.
[up beat music]
This podcast is my gift to you, a parent adjusting to the idea of an Empty Nest, or possibly a student who's wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on. And maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time, I'm here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.
1:06
Some quick reminders, you'll find a ton of information, resources, and more on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com. If you enjoy this podcast, don't forget to follow it in your favorite podcast player or register for a free account in the Empty Nest Success home. Those are the best ways to be notified when I release a new episode. A special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass! SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. If you like to jump around in an episode look for the time markers found in the show notes or within the show transcript.
01:55
[computer game level up music (short)]
My wish for you today.
My wish for you today is that you are able to release blockages that you weren't even aware are there for you. May you be able to become present enough to notice and recognize emotions going on within you. And to begin to look at them as signposts - as information for you on how to move forward. May this come easy for you in your daily search for being ever present.
[computer game level up music (short)]
02:28 New things, new things, new things.
If you've been listening to this podcast for a while, you'll notice that from the beginning where I started to hear I have tried a lot of different things along the way groups, not groups coaching, small group coaching. Over the years, quite often those changes were led by outsiders telling me this is how I'm supposed to do something and silly me went along with the ride, one of the things I'm really leaning into is to be inspired versus motivated in the areas of my life where I can do so there are things I have to do. And then there are things that I'm inspired to do. And I believe 400% If that's possible that everything I do with this podcast, and my coaching needs to be from an inspired place because that way you're going to know if we're really good fit and vice versa. My most recent change came organically out of C.E.O. training team sessions.
Weekly, I post affirmation videos in nature in the Empty Nest Success community. The question I usually ask people is is there resistance to the statement there? and then we talk about their emotions that are around it, those types of things. And over the past month, I've really leaned into the fact that the emotions that you're feeling are way more important than we're giving credit to that I have given credit to them in the past. So, after a few sessions of this, I really got to thinking that I need to change these. I don't want somebody to come in and feel that resistance and be like I'm not any of that. That's where we want to get you to but you don't have to be there today. And I'm here to cheer you along as you grow to believe that.
[bells]
So my first new thing that I want to share with you today is that as of July I am changing the way I present those they are all now going to have me reading the audio as, "What if?" What if I believed I'm amazing? What if I could do anything I wanted. And I've created a printable document that you can utilize to process through it; think about on your own time; what works for you and there, what statements provide a lot of resistance and what emotions come up and how would you change it so that you believe all of it in a joyous, wonderful way.
[bells]
The second change I have to share with you today is one that I want to offer with an apology. Hear me out I have always said it takes a lot of work to figure out who you are. And I'm not disagreeing with that statement. But what I'd like to change and make my new thing going forward is to remove the word work from it, and change it into something else. And here's what I'm going to change it to
[bells] joyous investment in my evolution, that feels way better. That works for me. So here's the code. When I say joyous investment - peaceful investment - this is an investment... know going forward that that is my wording for work. Because work feels like drudgery. It's work. And yes, it doesn't change the action of what it does. But it changes my emotion in how I move forward. And hopefully, that comes through to you. And you can utilize it. Or, you can find your own words that work. Big fan of that here. So I apologize for using "work" so often in the past, it's going to take me time to clear that out from my content and resources. And, I may slip up here and there. So don't be shy on calling me out on that. Because I need to adjust that for all of us. What are your thoughts about that?
06:15
Let me give a bonus new thing. And that is
[bells] ... that my plan for the rest of this year. And that can change because I do that all the time is that I will have one podcast episode out per month. That is plenty of time for me to be inspired to bring you amazing content. Great content and inspired content is my goal to deliver to you should I have a month where I feel inspired to do one or two extra episodes, I will do that.
06:47
[computer game level up music (short)]
My Lessons Learned
My lessons learned for this episode, I want to talk about a vehicle analogy that I recently heard from Abraham Hicks - who knows when this was said by Abraham Hicks, there are tons of YouTube videos that are on YouTube, of things that come from Abraham Hicks. And this analogy really resonated with me. So I want to share it with you and share where my mind went after hearing it. It was one of those things that I would find myself thinking about when I'm walking or sitting down and showering and all these extra pieces were coming into play in and just made so much sense to me. So I share that with you today. The analogy starts with imagine that when you're born, you are purely you 100% pure you -you no other influence, that being in that moment knows exactly who they are. I like to have fun with it, so, I imagine like a beam of light is your soul. Like here's Christine's soul, it's there fully. However, immediately that beautiful soul who knows exactly who they are, before they can talk and remember things, they are placed into a vehicle. This is analogy again, remember, and this vehicle belongs to your parents or guardians. This vehicle has certain rules, it has certain level of protection to it or non protection to it. It maybe has power doors, like whatever analogy comes up for you that you can associate to your parents or guardians vehicle. And while that vehicle may not have been perfect, it got you to another stage in life, where you can see you're ready to upgrade. Or, maybe you just need to get into another vehicle for say going to school, or clubs. Eventually, workplace, you have friend groups, these are all different vehicles. And in each vehicle, there are different rules that you learn to follow. And you pop in and out of those.
08:45
Some of the vehicles may not ride well. They might have been tough. You pop in and out throughout your life. And remember, while you were this beautiful pure soul in the beginning, you've been in all these vehicles and that is all you remember. So those vehicles have created who you think you are. There comes a day, whether it's when you find this podcast, you find another coach or leader or teacher or on your own that you think, "I don't think I'm who I am." This is a lot of the work I end up doing with my clients is getting them to trust themselves that there is a pure you that existed once before. And it makes sense that you have absolutely no idea who that is because you've never been allowed to get out of other people's vehicles. What I'd like to say today is trust, try trusting what if you have your own vehicle out there? Sure, you're going to have no idea what it is. If you've only been in other people's vehicles, each vehicle more than likely has a little different set of rules. So when you see one you're going to upgrade. Oh, I'm going to get that one that has power doors. Let me grab that one now. That's exciting. This could be anything for you. It could be a church home, your parents, your friendships, separate friendships are probably different vehicles for you. One of the important parts about this analogy, if it resonates with you, is that while a vehicle may not have been perfect, it may not be your end result. Because let's be real, we're all continually working on figuring out who we are and becoming a new person every day. One of the things I got out of this analogy that I was immediately able to apply to my marriage that just ended was while it wasn't perfect, and while I now have to figure out my own rules versus the rules that we had in that vehicle, is that we had some really good road trips in that vehicle, that vehicle got me to where I am today, that vehicle allows my daughter to exist, that vehicle has been a lot of fun over the years, it was just time for my husband and I to have different vehicles. When I shared this analogy with the C.E.O. Training Team, I got a bunch of different comments resonated really, really well. And everyone had a little bit of a spin on it. The one that was my absolute favorite. Hi there, if you remember who you are, is that I said, "Now it makes sense that we we get to this point where we have absolutely no idea who we are, who that person was in the beginning, how would we know we've never even considered that that exists. So of course, it's scary. A lot of times, it's super easy to just want to get back into some one of these other vehicles, even though it's not where you're meant to be, even though it doesn't serve you any longer, it feels super comfortable. Because you know, the rules there. You know how it works, you know that there's a I don't know, there's a gum wrapper there and nobody picks it up. But you're, you know, it's just become part of the vehicle now. So to take the action to get to any point of your life, whether you are 10,15, 18,19 ,40, 69,80, 110. Yes, people live that long. It is scary to realize that maybe you have no idea who you are. And the fun thing that this person said was yes, it's almost as if you get out of the vehicle. And you've realized you haven't packed your underwear. And then it just kept going or like yes, it's like you're you're getting out of the vehicle. And it's a four lane highway and the other vehicle is sitting there looking at you and you want to just jump back in, because that feels safe. And even though there isn't a lot of traffic on this highway, you're not sure you want to explore and figure out which vehicles best. And it also may feel like you're naked on the highway, because that's how it feels it can be that intimidating. But also, when you take that time to make the
[bells] investment in discovering who you are. Wow, it gets good. Because maybe now you get the power windows and you get the moonroof, or you get the convertible you've always wanted. And again, this is all analogy. It can be whatever you want, it can be who you are. And what if that whole time that you've been in all these other vehicles that discontent that you don't belong there is actually yourself telling you yes, that's that's actually right to this isn't exactly where you belong, not in this form, because you haven't figured out your own vehicle. How's that resonate? And a final reminder that those vehicles that got you to where you are today, those are important because that got you to where you are today. And today is a new day you get to move forward and appreciate the vehicles that got you here. While you discover the one you belong in.
13:50
[computer game level up music (short)]
Ask Coach Christine
Christine, I'm having a lot of trouble prioritizing myself, what do I do? The first thing is when we take a look at the analogy I just talked about, we can realize that we have our own vehicles, but we need to discover them. To do that you need time for yourself. You need to explore different things you need to consider different things. Go with your joy, be able to clear your thoughts out and discover who you are and to trust your internal gut, your emotions, trust your feelings. I want to say that you are worth the investment to the [bells] joyous investment of the time to allow yourself to discover that I was asked about this so many times that I did a workshop on the topic (Empty Nest: Prioritizing Self). It's available to all C.E.O. Training Team members, but I want to give you the high level tips. This is more of a practical workshop.
Step one. [bells] It always starts with our thoughts. Of course just like everything here so often it resides in what we are thinking about ourselves if we are worth the time to prioritize ourselves if we're worth it, and I want to tell you you are, but you need to check your thoughts about that and make sure that you believe that I have so many episodes about that.
Second [bells] mental clutter, when we clear the thoughts when we're able to discover the thoughts that we have. And then we're able to clear them about all other topics, so many things, you gain time in your life, sometimes we immediately think we just need to clear our schedule, and everyone needs to walk around us. And yeah, sometimes that is the case. But also, sometimes we spend two hours thinking about something that is really none of our business, or worrying about something in the future, or rehashing something that happened in the past, when if we learn to catch ourselves in those moments, and to readjust into the present, you may find you gain hours a day, it's powerful. Third, start small. [bells]And by this I mean time, you don't have to clear a whole day. If you haven't given yourself time for things before, start with five minutes, start with 10 minutes, start with whatever that number is for you. That feels completely doable. And then add on. Fourth, [bells]find the fun, this may sound strange, but hear me out. When you start to actively look for fun in your life. It brings an emotion within your body that has you then looking for more fun, wanting more of that feeling. And that is a really fun place to be to motivate you to inspire you. Let's say inspire not motivated. To clear your calendar for yourself because you want more of that. And if you don't know what that is what you want to do with that time right now. It's okay, just start making the time even if it's five minutes and look for the fun. Number five [bells], notice and take inventory inventory of what okay, I'm not talking about the toolbox. In this episode, I'm actually talking about your life, all the things people, places, events, people, places, people, pets, people, things you do on the computer, people, Netflix, people? Did I say people? [giggles]
17:14 I feel like somebody needs to hear that. So there you go, people take inventory. And I don't mean necessarily a whole checkbox inventory list. But begin to notice who makes you feel amazing. Who inspires you, who has your back? When you say I think I need 15 minutes today; I could really use a day to myself, what are the reactions,? who is supporting you? it might surprise you. And begin to notice that and these are people you don't have to be around, maybe start limiting your time and freeing up your time that way. It's like a two for one. Six [bells] Remember that less is more. And what I mean is not only in the time that you set aside for yourself, but also in what you want to do with that time. Sometimes our thing is so big like I want to go back to college, that there is never any action taken because it's such a huge thing. So the excuse to not make time for yourself is there because of the things so big, maybe consider a smaller thing, such as five minutes of reading, two hours of reading, picking up knitting, walking outside for five minutes. These are just examples. Maybe consider doing a small thing for yourself.
Now for some practical things to try with all of those. Patience. [bells] Remember, please be patient with yourself. This should be a joyous investment in you and be patient with yourself because this more than likely is a big change not only for you, but the people around you. So be patient with them because you, up till now, have conditioned them to expect you to behave in a different way. They might need a bit of a heads up. Here's a thought you can use. [bells] I am exactly where I need to be to move forward. Here's another thought [bells] that took exactly the time it needed. You can fight me on that one. Go ahead. But what's it get you? It took the time it needed. Whether it did or didn't if you sit there go wow, that shouldn't have taken two hours. I need three more days for that. Yeah, it took exactly the time it needed. You've got this, I believe in you. You can handle it next time you get back to it. One of the best things I've done over the last year is to [bells] schedule morning time for myself on my calendar. That is Christine time. I started with 30 minutes every morning. I didn't do it every day. When I did I was very happy. I also, for me, didn't plan to do anything in that 30 minutes. It was time for me to do whatever I felt inspired to do in that moment: total game changer. Now, I thrive really well on about an hour of that and I set aside a few hours every weekend just for that, and I get to do whatever I want to do that day. So put some time for yourself on the calendar, even if it's a small amount of time, honor it, you honor it, notice what or who causes you not to honor it.
20:16
Another tip [bells]: study hall time, I like to use this as a block of time on my calendar to be the catch all for the things that I didn't get done throughout the week. Do I get everything done? No, I don't, usually, I have ADHD, I jumped from things all the time. I like to use the study hall time to catch some of the things that are really important for me to get done that are half finished. So that was a lot of things and ideas. I have a couple others that I mentioned in my workshop, including a superpower up. But my wish is that maybe you're thinking about something a little bit differently, or you just needed to hear it again, I want to tell you, my beautiful, amazing friend, that any discomfort that comes up through conversations to make this happen for you, for you to allow yourself to have this time, you are so worth the incredible investment to become who you are. We are working on your evolution of becoming you. It's not going to end tomorrow, it's going to keep going. But first, you need to understand that you are worth that investment. You're worth the time. You are!
21:36
Christine, Christine, Christine, where are you?
[quirky music under segment]
While I may not be in your podcast player every week right now, you can find me most weeks active on TikTok, or Instagram. But the people who see me the most outside of my friends and family are my C.E.O. Training Team members. And, actually, I see them more than some of my family members. So, "Hi, all!" We meet every Monday and most of the inspirational content that I'm -I mean that in I'm inspired to create content - is for them. First and foremost. They're who I'm thinking about they are the ones that I create for so where I am, most of the time is there. I'm also spending time off in nature and doing different types of activities that help me to invest in the evolution of Coach Christine.
22:25
[computer game level up music (short)]
Celebrating you and your wins.
I'm going to pop over to the social media accounts right now. That's at Empty Nest coach and see if we have any wins to share my moment. All right, I've checked the LinkedIn. I just posted that an hour ago, so I really wasn't expecting anything. Instagram, Facebook. I don't do much there. TikTok Oo, we've got a microphone emoji on TikTok. Here we go. Hot Flashes and Cool Topics. My friends, Bridget and Colleen. Hi! Have you checked out their podcast? Because Holy cow. They're amazing. I think I know which one of you posted this but I'm not 100%? Sure. So I won't say but the win is: "my daughter really headed back to her home today. And I didn't cry." I'm so excited for you. I know that this is a big win and the amount of thought work that needs to happen and the growth into our new stage of life that needs to happen to get to a point where this is okay for a lot of people is huge, so well done. [crowd cheers] I'm gonna say my win is that I am sitting down and recording this episode. I say that a lot. But I'm super proud of it. And I have so much fun when I do it. I adore all of you.
23:42
[music & toolbox opening sound]
What's in your life's toolbox?
I've got another game changer to share with you. So, really take a moment to listen to this. Because if it's half as valuable to you, as it's been to me over the last month, it may change your life in a lot of different ways. In the beginning of this episode, I talked a bit about emotions and being able to tune into them and use them as guidance. I've been actively working to be present in an emotion of joy as much as possible. When I find my thoughts. Yes, I'm human. This happens all the time. I'm not always happy. Somebody said something about that. And I'm like, no, no, I'm not always happy. I try to be peaceful most of the time. But I am a human being. And sometimes, it takes me time to be there be present in that moment. And when I find moments that I am completely not present or there's an emotion that I realize I don't need to keep because the thoughts that I'm having aren't worth it. Rather than changing my thoughts. I have been leaning into trying to change that emotion first. And the tool I've been using is each day I choose five things that bring me complete joy, complete joy. I'd like to say five things that work always and I'm kind of leaning towards forest animals, because they do bring me quite a lot of joy, I come up with five things. And when I think of them, they are absolutely amazing. And for the people close to me, I'm starting to narrow down moments like the way they laugh at a certain joke or something. And that just brings me so much joy. So find five things that when you think of, oh, it just feels so good. And when you catch yourself throughout the day, the weeks, moments, in that emotion that you want to change and the thoughts - you're having trouble changing the thoughts- take your fingers on one hand, and touch your thumb to each one: 1,2,3,4. And then just go back. So you have five. And for each time you've touched a finger, think of one of those five things and go through that all five, just keep going until you can feel the joy inside of you and see what happens.
25:55
[music and laughter]
Let's find the funny
I'm putting this in the show notes. SNL is old enough long term boyfriends. If you've seen the skit, you'll know immediately what I'm talking about. If you haven't, the link is in the show notes. Enjoy it, it is funny.
[music and laughter]
26:09
What I wish my parents knew
I got a comment on TikTok mentioning that a student had returned home. And there was this immediate assumption that all the chores that they had when they left just went right into place. I think I interpreted that correctly. And this goes back to advice that I talk about for every single break vacation and time that you come back together to live under one roof as a family. And that is to have conversations about this ahead of time. Sure, as parents, we may expect them to come in and fill into their roles. But remember, they've been living independently somewhere else. And they may not be on the same plan anymore. I encourage you to have conversations as adults, because you may find that they're willing to do more than you thought in different ways. And just because it's not the way it used to be doesn't mean it's wrong. So I leave it as have some conversations.
27:10 [upbeat music]
[(Empty Nest News?)]
Should I make this a regular segment? I have a Google search on I think it's for Empty Nest coach, I probably have Empty Nest as well. But if you like the idea of this section, let me know. One that popped up recently was I like the title. I don't have access to it. So I can't tell you too much about what it says. But let's talk about the title real quick: Empty Nesters aren't saving for retirement like they promised. That's a problem. I gotta be honest, I just went through a divorce. So, saving for retirement is kind of on hold at the moment while I get myself back together. I can think of so many reasons why this happens that I read this title and I'm like, Yeah, cuz life. What are your thoughts? Have you read the article? Should we talk about stuff like this? Although, but I'll be honest, most of the news is usually about someone famous going into the Empty Nest years. And yes, that could be fun too.
28:08
Two questions for you.
Question number one, Whose vehicle are you currently riding in?
And question number two, how good are you at making yourself a priority?
Well, in here we are at the end. As always, I provide content to make you think my Empty Nest friend, my hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. I'll be back in July and I'm planning that after a pretty big personal event happens. So I'll share that with you at that time. If you enjoy this podcast, don't forget to share it with others it is the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. Don't forget to follow it to and I leave you with no matter what vehicle you're currently riding in in this moment. analogy or not... You are amazing. Chat next time.
[bloopers]
Me getting used to recording in this new home is taking some effort. There's a bird, you need to explore different things you need to consider....see it agrees numbers six are we on six I think good ending.
29:22
Still listening? I turned 51 This month, and I also had an opportunity to become part of Rachel Pedersen's TikTok internship program. I got accepted. I'm on week three out of four. So, by the time this goes live, I'll be in the final stage. It's kind of fun to say, "I'm an intern at age 51." When you begin to throw yourself out to different experiences, you never know what's going to happen. As always, I am cheering you on!
Quick Take - It is Time To Honor Yourself 
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