Empty Nest Success Evangelist specializing in coaching mothers entering the empty nest. ★ Master Motivator ★ Podcast Host ★ Together we'll channel your freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy! ~ Christine, Your Empty Nest Coach
This episode is the first of four recap episodes for this calendar year. I’m sharing episodes that have resonated with you (my amazing listener) in 2019. I share my thoughts about the episodes now that time has passed, and I also share listener comments about the episode. My first recap is on episode #3, and it is where my voice began to emerge.
The bones of my teachings entered into my life and possibly yours in this episode: the bones that are now the backbone of everything I teach. I now discuss the impact of your thoughts and reference thought deliveries we allow in our lives, in almost every episode. I love these deliveries – especially once we notice them, sort them and make them work for us.
Take a listen or read the full transcript below.
⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓ , so you don’t miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓
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Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 52: A Fan Favorite of 2019: Thought Deliveries. … My first fan favorite is episode number 3: Your Thoughts. This is the first in my Empty Nest Prep Series of 5 episodes. As this is episode 3, when I re-listened, I wanted to go ahead and re-record the whole thing but I’ll honor where I was at that time, and leave it as is.
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 52: A Fan Favorite of 2019: Thought Deliveries. Hi, I am excited to share with you that I have a new membership program, “GPS Execs.” This will allow you to become an executive producer of my podcast. I am not kidding. I’m so excited about this. You will become my inner circle. You’ll get bragging rights. You’ll have two Zoom calls available, with me, every month that you are a GPS Exec. We’ll do periodic book clubs, periodic giveaways, just for my GPS Execs. I’m so excited. If you’re interested, go to my website: youremptynestcoach.com and click on “Executive Producers.” All the information is there. Thanks! See you there.
This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that has been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it is freaking you out. I’ve been there and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
Hi, my future empty nest friend! You are so incredibly amazing. I want you to repeat after me: I am amazing. Did you say it? Say it again. I am amazing. Oh, you are! Thanks for listening today. Over the next four weeks, I will be sharing episodes that have resonated well with you. You, being my audience of amazing listeners. Funny enough they are the episodes that all have the commonality where in my head, they began in one place and then ended up somewhere else entirely. As some of my friends would say, I was in the flow when they were created. I did feel as more of a vessel for the ideas than anything else, and it has been an honor to watch them enter the world.
Here’s how this episode will work. First, I am going to share with you some thoughts from my listeners and clients, that were shared with me about the episode. Then I will share the primary content of the episode, and finally, I will wrap up by sharing with you any new thoughts that I may have about the topic now that some time has passed. My first fan favorite is episode number 3: Your Thoughts. This is the first in my Empty Nest Prep Series of 5 episodes. As this is episode 3, when I re-listened, I wanted to go ahead and re-record the whole thing but I’ll honor where I was at that time, and leave it as is.
Here’s some feedback from my listeners and clients:
“The thought boxes being delivered resonates with me. Thank you.”
You are welcome!
“I’ve found that I have a particular thought box that is in front of my pile. I’m pretty good at recognizing another box as an option but that doesn’t mean I don’t keep going back to the first one, even though I know better.”
Oh my goodness, this is sooo true.
“I caught some of my thought deliveries today, Christine!”
This makes me so happy!
Here is the original episode:
Today’s topic is your thoughts. This is part one of a five-episode series titled “Empty Nest Prep.” These five episodes are the base level material of everything that I teach. It all starts with a visualization I have to share with you. I’d like you to imagine your mind as a house. This house has rooms in it, of course. It also has a front door and a back door. Let’s start with picturing it empty, nothing in it. Which, as we’ll discover, is not what our mind is like, nor would we want it to be.
You have an image of an empty house. Imagine that you get a delivery. Your doorbell rings and you answer it. You answer the door, are handed a box, you close the door and read the label. I want you to imagine that that label is a thought that you just had. Are you with me? Your mind is the house in this story, and the delivery is a thought that popped into your mind.
You take a look at the thought written on the box, and maybe it says, “I’m proud of my child heading off to college.” You read it and take it happily into a room and place it down. Before you even get it firmly placed on the floor, the doorbell rings again. It is another thought box that popped into your head. You casually go to the door, grab the box, and see it labeled. It says, “I’m going to miss them.” You look at the box and read it and feel not so happy any more. You aren’t sure what to do with the box, so you start to walk into a different room, but then, the doorbell rings again. Another box arrives, it is labeled, “I’m going to be lonely without them.” You have feelings showing up that are starting to get a bit more negative. You’re barely done reading this labeled box, when the doorbell rings again. “I’m going to have no life without them.” Doorbell. “My partner and I have nothing in common any more.” Doorbell. “I have no future.”
The doorbell keeps ringing. You can’t keep up. You try to put the boxes in rooms and organize them, but you don’t have the time. There are way too many. In frustration, you give the keys to your house to the delivery person. For this visualization, just assume that you fully trust them. You tell this delivery person, just put the deliveries anywhere you can fit them in my house. Think about this though. You never once took the time to think, wait, I don’t even need to accept these deliveries. You forgot that they are completely optional. Not only that, the sad part is that you get so frustrated with how many thought boxes are in your house, remember this is your mind, that you tell the delivery person to just take some out when the house is full. You don’t even take a moment to look at what boxes are being removed.
You didn’t notice that some really good ones disappeared. The ones that are labeled “I am amazing.” “I am going to do great things.” “My partner and I will have time to reconnect.” Sadly, those thoughts are gone. Are you with me? Do have the visualization that your life is controlled by these thought boxes, AKA your thoughts? When you think about it, you are being bossed around by these thoughts because you never once considered that they were completely optional. My empty nest friend, I am here to tell you that each and every thought you have is optional.
I want you to spend the next few days, weeks, months ahead, to take time to notice the thought box deliveries that you allow to enter into your mind. When they arrive, and you are able to notice them, observe them. Write them down, and ask yourself, do I like that thought? This may sound odd or silly to you, but it can be life-changing if you get it. We are only beginning to place our toes in the water in this episode.
It has been over ten months since this episode went live. I thought it was going to be a story I use periodically in my work but these thought boxes have turned into the underlying topic in most of my episodes. Over the last year, I’ve been able to flush out this concept in ways I never could have imagined. I’ve been able to build upon this concept and find the additions are assisting others. By noticing thought boxes, I’ve found it is a helpful first step in making friends with now, in being present in the moment. I’m thankful for these thought boxes and I hope you are too.
If you are ready to begin the journey to find future you, and use her as your GPS, definitely sign up for my free program, “The Empty Nest: A Guide to Uncovering My Future.”Episode 13 covers the high-level concepts of that program, if you would like to check it out. To dive deep into the concepts, take my free program, as I provide videos and worksheets to assist you on your journey.
The questions I have for you in this episode are: do the thought box deliveries resonate with you? And, two, how are you liking the deliveries you are allowing in your life? I invite you to fly on over to our Facebook Group to share your answers to these questions with our amazing flock. Our name is Green Popsicle Sticks. Want to know why? Listen to episode number 17. Or head to my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com/community for links to join our flock.
Oh, my goodness, did you hear? I have an online program: “The Empty Nest: First Steps Towards Success.” I now offer GPS Reset Weekend Retreats, Unplugged and Charged Up, and I am available for speaking engagements. Seriously! What are you waiting for? Visit my website or see this episode’s full show notes. I know that the adjustment to not having your kiddos at home full-time isn’t always easy, but it sure can be a ton more fun with a flock of friends. We look forward to seeing you there. As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. You’ll find the show notes for this, and every episode, on my website.
My next episode’s title is: A Fan Favorite of 2019: GPS (Green Popsicle Sticks). If you aren’t driving and you are able to do a screenshot of this episode and share it on social media to help others find it, that would be super helpful. Be sure to tag me @emptynestcoach so I may thank you. Of course, remember, you are amazing!
00:00:00 Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 25: My Partner is Driving Me Crazy!! … I’ve run into multiple people, recently, who are looking at their first or sometimes, their last child heading off to college, and they are freaking out about their relationship with their partner. The big one I’ve heard, from multiple people, is, “They are driving me crazy! Oh my gosh, Christine, everything about them is driving me crazy.”
00:00:00 Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 25: My Partner is Driving Me Crazy!! This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that has been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it is freaking you out. I’ve been there and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
00:00:36 Hello, my future empty nest friend! Tomorrow is my birthday! Not right now, when I’m recording this, but when this episode goes live! I guess I should plan now what I want for my birthday because I do not need to wait for others to read my mind. Who has the time or energy for that? Not me. You know what you could do for my birthday? If you haven’t already, give my podcast, assuming you love it, a five star rating on Apple Podcasts. That would be super of you. Thank you. You are the best!
00:01:23 What is with this episode’s title? I’ve run into multiple people, recently, who are looking at their first or sometimes, their last child heading off to college, and they are freaking out about their relationship with their partner. The big one I’ve heard, from multiple people, is, “They are driving me crazy! Oh my gosh, Christine, everything about them is driving me crazy.” This is what I’m hearing. I get it. I want you to think about what is happening in your life right now. You have had some sort of routine, I bet, for your family for quite some time. Changes have happened, yes, but it’s been slow over time. Suddenly, you, all of you, are confronted with an impending change that takes you completely out of everything that has been normal for the last few years. You won’t see it coming. Remember, your mind, that likes things to stay the same, is freaking out.
00:02:19 Guess what? Your partner and child have the same thing going on. Since our minds want things to stay the same, but our minds also know that things aren’t going to stay the same, our minds now get busy creating all these stories for how things are going to go. It likes to be all sorts of creative here, doesn’t it?
00:02:41 Suddenly, the idea of your child not being where they have been is horrifying. You now have time to focus on emotional work for yourself that you may have been hiding for years under the guise of taking care of your kids and your family. It can easily be overwhelming and frightening. Did you even realize that all of that was going on? I sure didn’t when we went through it.
00:03:04 Here’s a question I’ve heard, how are we going to get along? Some tough love here. You are going to get along by doing your thought work. Trust me. Another question, why is he acting so weird? I have the same answer for you here. The things that youare currently finding weird or annoying, another person on this planet might find completely adorable. Think about it. I know.
00:03:32 Another question: are we going to make it? That is up to you. You probably want me to tell you that, yeah, they are being annoying and you have every right to be annoyed, blah, blah, blah, blah. My friend, we all have days like this. Me, too. It happens, and well, hormones, too. Can I get an Amen? As your friend over a cup of coffee, sure, I’d say that sucks. But as your coach, that kind of support doesn’t allow for any progress in your life. I want to see you progress. I want to see you grow, I want you to become every bit of the amazing woman you are meant to be.
00:04:12 When you notice these types of thoughts that I mentioned often, it is a sign that you have work to do. It isn’t a sign, necessarily, that you need to leave, or a sign that your partner has lost their marbles. It could be. But first, you need to figure out what work you need to do to be happy with yourself where you are today, before you make any drastic changes. I’m not going to tell you to stay with your partner no matter what. That’s something for you and your partner to decide. I’m also not going to tell you to leave your partner. That is also for you and your partner to decide.
00:04:47 I’m here to just make you think, and challenge you a bit. I am going to ask you what do you think you would have if you weren’t with your partner right now? How do you think your life would be different and why are you making those differences dependent on them? Because, right now, let’s be honest, you are miserable, and that miserable you goes with you to a new relationship, or to no relationship if you choose to leave. Yes, you are still there. There was actually, a very timely and funny, on Saturday Night Live, there was a sketchwith Adam Sandler that speaks to this recently. It was about vacation, but it has a lot to do with the same thing I’m saying here. I’ll put a link to it in my show notes.
00:05:30 If you had decided that everything would be different if you left your partner, I want you to understand that by declaring that statement you have given your partner complete control over your life and emotional health. Is that the way you want to live? Do you want to leave on those terms? First off, is your partner reallyresponsible for your happiness? Do you wantyour partner to be responsible for your happiness? What if you, and only you, are responsible for your happiness, and then you come into the same relationship? How does that change where you are? How does that change how you show up? If you show up in this new way, do you think you’re going to notice a change in your partner as well?
00:06:10 When you are fully responsible for your own happiness, you gain control of your life 100 percent. Who would you rather be around? Someone who rides a roller coaster of feelings and thoughts reacting to your actions, they yell at you based on something you say, or cry based on a look that you made? Or someone who shows up in life in complete control of who they are and who they are meant to be? You might yell at them and they listen and understand. I know who I want to be. I wish I could tell you I’m there all the time. I’m not, but I’m working on it, and this is my goal.
00:06:44 It is amazing that when our thoughts change, when our inner world, our mind changes, then our outer world flows with it. Eventually, even those around us change. Sometimes, those around us will freak out a bit from the change, after all, this is incredibly important work you are doing. You are becoming an emotional adult. When that happens, people around you may not know how to respond. Give them some time to really take in the change in you. The next time your partner does something that drives you crazy, I want you to try adding, “and that’s okay,” after your thought. Here’s two examples: “He interrupted me again, and that’s okay.” “She’s doing that thing that drives me insane, and that’s okay.” When you get to a point where you can handle the, “and that’s okay,” then you’re ready for the next step. “He interrupted me,” and the “again” isn’t needed, or the “and that’s okay.” You’re getting down to the circumstance. The other one: “She’s doing that thing,” and just end there. “That drives me insane,” and “and that’s okay,” are no longer needed. You’re making progress. Then, you can move on to thoughts that create value in your world. “He interrupted me,” he’s excited to share his news. “She’s doing that thing that brings her comfort.” How are these even the same thoughts, right? They’re not. Do you feel the difference?
00:08:07 The first thing you have to do is to embrace, “and that’s okay.” Another good one is “So what?” Sometimes that is a great question. So what? “He interrupted me. So what?” What are you making that mean? I bet you have a dissertation on the subject. Don’t you? Somehow he represents all of the injustices of the world, the women, how they’re treated, blah, blah blah. Really, I ask you, he interrupted you, so what? Really. So what? Try that one on this week, and see how that goes.
00:08:36 What if you’re thinking about leaving? You can absolutely think about leaving. Play it out in your head because when you play out all of the details, it isn’t all roses and daisies. Actually, if you are having those thoughts, I would encourage you to go through my Finding Future You program and play out the details of everything with that idea in mind. See what else comes up. It probably doesn’t have as much to do about your partner as you think it does. Trust me. Do the work on you. Find your happy where you are, and then, if you still want to walk away, you can walk away with feeling confident that it’s the right thing for you.
00:09:16 Your child heading off to school, or any number of circumstances that may change, not only impacts you, but it impacts your partner and they are dealing with that, and you are, at the same time. Be patient with your partner. While you have a big change ahead, so does your partner. You might be dreading it, while they may be super excited to spend more time with you. They may be confused on why you don’t feel the same way.
00:09:40 This is a great opportunity to get to know each other all over again. You aren’t the same people that began the parenthood journey together. Life changes people, in all sorts of ways. Before you make any big decisions, be sure you’ve done the work you need to do on yourself. Most of the time, that is where the work is needed. As you know, your thoughts about a situation are just that, your thoughts. Just as you can make a circumstance mean whatever you want, so can those around you. Talk to one another, be kind to one another and give each other the benefit of the doubt. Really, try that on and see how it goes. I believe in you. I believe in both of you, together, or apart. You both deserve to be everything you are meant to be. Figuring out that together, will be a journey that is worth taking, no matter where the destination leads.
00:10:52 Why should you join our group? The adjustment to having your kiddos at home full time isn’t always easy, as we know, but it sure can be a ton more fun with a flock of friends. We look forward to seeing you there. If you are ready to begin the journey to find Future You and use her as your GPS, definitely sign up for my free program, The Empty Nest: A Guide to Discovering Future You. Episode 13 covers that program as well.
00:11:16 The questions I have for you in this episode are:
1) How are you and your partner doing?
2) How has parenthood changed you, and has it impacted your relationships?
As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. You’ll find show notes for this, and every episode, on my website.
00:11:43 My next episode’s title is: Changing your mind is OKAY! Change is OKAY! If my show has helped you in any way, please share it with one other person you think it will help, too! You’ll be giving them a free gift! Or take a quick screenshot of this and share it on your favorite social media site. Tag me, and I will say, “Hi!” Thanks for your time and energy with that and thanks so much for listening my empty nest friend! Remember, you are amazing!
00:00:00 Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 24: With My Child Heading to College, Are the Thoughts I’m Having Normal? … My future empty nest friend, I want to talk about the normal thoughts that you may expect to have, as you prepare for your child heading to school. But first, a story. I wear glasses.
00:00:00 Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 24: With My Child Heading to College, Are the Thoughts I’m Having Normal? This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that has been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it is freaking you out. I’ve been there and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
00:00:37 Hello, my empty nest friend! A quick reminder that this and all of my episodes are brought to you by my free seven-day program, The Empty Nest: A Guide to Uncovering Future You. Hop on over to my website and sign up today. My website? You guessed it, youremptynestcoach.com.
00:00:57 My future empty nest friend, I want to talk about the normal thoughts that you may expect to have, as you prepare for your child heading to school. But first, a story. I wear glasses. I used to wear contacts, but my eyes didn’t love the contacts entering in and out of my eyes, day after day, after day. One year, I decided just skip paying for the extra contact exam, and only get glasses. I haven’t looked back. With glasses, there is the issue of them getting dirty. Say a drop of water gets on my glasses, like when I walk to work and it’s raining. Or maybe, hypothetically, I get really messy with my coffee, my bulletproof coffee, in particular, in the morning. Say I were to, hypothetically, shake my travel coffee mug before the lid is on tight, and now the coffee’s on my glasses in a few different spaces. I wish I could tell you that I’ve only done this once before. I so wish I could tell you that, but I can’t.
00:01:59 Anyway, with coffee drops on my glasses, I have a few options. One, is to leave the coffee drops on my glasses. Have it be noticeable from time to time, it probably bothers others more than me, and it kind of stays in my line of vision, reminding me it is there, and that I should be a better human and clean my freaking glasses. My second option is that I could not clean them, and focus on the coffee drops, complain about the coffee drops and not take my eyes off the coffee drops. How productive do you think I would be in life, for as long as I do that?
My third option is I could pick up a cloth, quickly clean them off, and go about my day. Which would you do? It seems obvious with coffee drops on glasses, doesn’t it? But how about our thoughts? Does this apply to your thoughts about your child heading off to college? Let me tell you. You might have thoughts like these pop into your head in the upcoming weeks, or maybe, they’re already there. Will my child ever bathe in college?Will they find a community that welcomes them? How will they focus enough to study with the many distractions available on a college campus?What the heck am I gonna do with my time? Will they eat well?What if they party too much and drop out of school? What if they take seven years to get through college? Motherhood is over.
00:03:25 You could have those thoughts. You could just as easily have thoughts like my child is going to thrive in college. My child will make so many friends in college. I’m going to find my purpose with my newfound time. Right? But our minds run to those first batch of thoughts. Those coffee drops on our glasses. Thoughts that make us feel all queasy inside. Remember in episode 3, I shared with you how your thoughts are in boxes, being delivered to your mind, or a house? You may choose to accept the delivery and do something with it, or you may refuse the delivery.
00:04:04 These coffee drops are simply another visualization alternative for you. Your thoughts are like drops of coffee on a pair of glasses. Glasses that you need to see to function in life. You can choose to focus on the drops, or thoughts, and have them keep you from moving forward in life, in a clear manner, or you can choose to pick up a cloth and quickly clean them off. Two seconds. You see the thought, identify it, and clean it away, or refuse the delivery, especially if it makes you feel all queasy inside.
00:04:36 Catch your thoughts and use your amazing mind to decide if it is a thought worth keeping. I didn’t answer the question, yet, did I? Are your thoughts normal? I’m going to ask you another question. If I have a thought like my child is going to fail out of school, let’s say that thought pops into my head. If I then catch my thought (Yay, me! Step one is complete!), but then, I think that is an awful thought. Do you think the queasy feeling is going to go away? Probably not. I want you to treat all thoughts like they are perfectly normal. No matter what they are. Rather than beating yourself up over a thought that pops into your wonderfully creative mind, I want you to notice it, and think why wouldn’t I have that thought? You can even add why wouldn’t I have that silly thought? If it makes you smile. All we want to do is identify the thought. That is the first step to allowing it to lose power in your life. Then, we disregard it, and it will be like a balloon with a hole in it. The power will deflate.
00:05:47 Yes, your mind might fight you. With enough practice you will get better and better at all of this. You, my friend, are perfectly normal. Your mind is creative and you have many, many thoughts. Some will provide you with the ability to create value in your life, and in the lives of others. Other thoughts will slow your actions, as if you’re stuck in a bucket of molasses. Don’t you have days where you feel that way? I know I do. Next time you feel that way, check your thoughts.
00:06:17 In episode 20, I shared the idea of someone making a comment, and you treat it as if you just told you that you’ll wake up tomorrow and be a turtle. Remember that? Try that with your own thoughts. Don’t let your bossy mind boss you around. You need to use your incredible mind for good, for good in your life. Create fantastic thoughts. Create incredible actions. Create tremendous results and value in your life, and in the lives of everyone around you. You can do this all by noticing and adjusting those boxes, those drops of coffee on your glasses, those thoughts. You can do it, my friend. They’re all perfectly normal. Don’t think otherwise. I can’t wait to see how you change your world and the world around you. If you are ready to begin the journey to find future you, and use her as your GPS, definitely sign up for my free program, The Empty Nest: A Guide to Discovering Future You. Episode 13 covers that program, as well.
00:07:17 The questions I have for you in this episode are:
1) What silly thought does your mind like to present to you?
00:07:42 Why should you join our group? The adjustment to not having your kiddos at home full time isn’t always easy, but it sure can be a ton more fun with a flock of friends. We look forward to seeing you there. As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend. My hope is that I am able to provide you with the thoughts that positively impact your life. You’ll find show notes for this and every episode on my website.
00:08:04 My next episode’s title is: My Partner is Driving Me Crazy. Yes. Exactly like that. If my show has helped you in any way, please share it with one other person you think it will help, too. You’ll be giving them a free gift. Thanks for your time and energy with that, my friend, and thanks so much for listening. Remember, you are amazing!
You are preparing for the empty nest ahead as your child(ren) prepares, heads off to, and experiences college.
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