Empty Nest Success Evangelist specializing in coaching mothers entering the empty nest. ★ Master Motivator ★ Podcast Host ★ Together we'll channel your freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy! ~ Christine, Your Empty Nest Coach
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 46: How Do You know When it is Time to Stop Simmering? … Simmering. I talk about this in episode #29. The idea is to take the time to work through your feelings, your thoughts, to discover who you are, to enjoy a time of waiting which will allow you to discover your internal GPS.
00:00:00 Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 46: How Do You know When it is Time to Stop Simmering? This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that has been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it is freaking you out. I’ve been there and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
00:00:41 Hello, my future empty nest friend. How are you today? I am sending you lovely thoughts: some love, some peace and some of whatever it is that makes you happiest. Here we go. How do you know when it is time to stop simmering?
00:00:58 Simmering. I talk about this in episode #29. The idea is to take the time to work through your feelings, your thoughts, to discover who you are, to enjoy a time of waiting which will allow you to discover your internal GPS. Simmering. It is where the recipe unfolds. If you remember, I mentioned in that episode, that when one recipe is complete, you’ll find that another is just on the horizon. Actually, not a bad analogy now that I think of it. As for many mothers, one of our job duties is the role of cook or chef. I’ll be honest, I was more of a cook. I still am more of a cook, chef is not my thing. As we know, some days it feels as if we just finished the dishes from the last meal when we are beginning to prepare for the next one.
00:01:47 Sure you can order takeout, or pop in a frozen meal to make your life a bit easier and move the creation process along, but there is something about discovering a new recipe, gathering the ingredients and making it from scratch. Who are you in the process of creating the meal? Are you enjoying cutting the vegetables? Are you being fully present, as you open that spice, to where you appreciate the smell of it, the sound of the cap coming off, the color and texture? Which meal is more rewarding for you to eat? Yes, once it is done, there is clean-up. The clean-up is where things can get interesting.
00:02:26 Let’s say, you are simmering in life right now. You are considering different ways to fill your newfound time, down the road, but aren’t gaining clarity on any one of them. This is where you try one, you try a spice and see where it leads. Remove the drama from it. Will it be your long term solution? There is only one way to find out. If it doesn’t work, you don’t decide that all recipes are awful and you’ll never eat again. You try a new recipe, or the same recipe but modify the amount of spice.
00:02:57 The key is to remember that the you that is in any path that you take is what is most important. If you don’t have a handle on your thoughts, on your internal GPS, you are going to have a hard time feeling settled in any path that you choose. Those thoughts and that internal GPS goes with you in all of the recipes. Without doing the real work during your simmer, you will have a hard time feeling clarity in any recipe.
00:03:32 I know you probably want me to tell you something like this, when the temperature hits 325 degrees and the timer goes off, you are done simmering and can move on with no more work from you. Or maybe something like this, you’ll hear a ding in your head and know that you found it. Okay. All kidding aside, these would be unfair for me to share with you, as it isn’t real life. Real life has different ingredients thrown at us every day, sometimes every minute, and how we handle them is everything.
00:04:07 I’m going to challenge you to become comfortable in the simmer, and to move the analogy to that your life is like the chef in the kitchen, learning with each ingredient of life. You have incredible, amazing, limitless ingredients available to you all the time. You are peaceful with all of it. When you open your eyes enough, when you are present enough, more ingredients are seen by your eyes, allowing you to create a more delicious meal, a more delicious beef stew. You try different recipes. You modify the ingredients. From each ingredient you learn a lesson that gives you the opportunity to apply to future meals, or you can just as easily decide to leave the kitchen and no longer grow in life. But how are you going to do without any food? When you feel good about an ingredient, try it out some more.
00:04:58 Of course, always evaluate your motivating factors too. For some of us, that is financial resources. Making money to pay our bills, that is one heck of a motivating factor. If this is your top priority, if it is what motivates the inner chef, in you, at this point in time, you do what you have to do. Remember, it doesn’t mean all of your recipes for the rest of your life will have the same motivating factor, it’s simply the right recipe for this particular meal. Finding the peace in reaching for the ingredients to make your next beef stew is the true key. Change in your motivation will happen over time. Change in the ingredients will happen, but you, you, my friend are you, whether you are cleaning the house, working as the CEO of a tech company, or figuring out what is next for you in life.
00:05:48 Trust me on this. You work on you, on welcoming the simmer of life, on knowing your thought deliveries, and choosing to organize them, and then, you, my friend, you will know when you are done simmering, at least for that meal.
00:06:16 The questions I have for you in this episode are: what thoughts come to your mind as you listen to this episode? Do you have a particular simmer that you are working through right now? I invite you to fly on over to our Facebook Group to share your answers to these questions with our amazing flock. Our name is Green Popsicle Sticks. Want to know why? Listen to episode number 17, or head to my website, youremptynestcoach.com/community for links to join our flock.
00:06:47 I know the adjustment to not having your kiddos at home full-time isn’t always easy, but it sure can be a ton more fun with a flock of friends. We look forward to seeing you there.
00:05:56 Oh, my goodness, did you hear? I have an online program, “The Empty Nest: First Steps Towards Success.” I now offer GPS Reset Weekend Retreats, Unplugged and Charged Up, and I am available for speaking engagements. Seriously, what are you waiting for? Visit my website or see this episode’s full show notes.
00:07:20 As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. You’ll find the show notes for this, and every episode, on my website. My next episode’s title is: Is This All Just Positive Thinking?
Don’t forget to subscribe to this podcast! it is free and you’ll be notified when I post a new episode every Friday.If my show has helped you in any way, please share it with one other person you think it will help, too. You’ll be giving them a free gift. Thanks for your time and energy with that and thanks so much for listening, my empty nest friend. Remember, you are amazing!
Just in case you were wondering, I revert to autopilot some days. Gasp! Yes, it is true. I appreciate it when I notice these days and can move forward quickly. I love the work, and I believe in it one hundred percent, but I believe I must provide you with proper warnings on what you may expect when you do this work.
This work will always be in our lives, and in this episode, I talk a bit about why it isn’t easy.
Take a listen or read the full transcript below.
⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll all the way down ⇓ so you don’t miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓
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Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 45: Why is This Work so Difficult? … Here we are at episode number 45. Over the last 44 episodes, I’ve shared ideas, thoughts and analogies to assist you in leveling up in your life. As you level up, you’ll sit in the simmer at a variety of times, and in different ways, as you move forward. If
00:00:00 Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 45: Why is This Work so Difficult? This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that has been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you, and it is freaking you out. I’ve been there and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
00:00:40 Hello, my future empty nest friend! I’m recording this episode about two weeks before it goes live, and as I sit here, I’m oneweek out from attending the inaugural She Podcasts Live conference, held in Atlanta, Georgia, this year. The best part of that trip is that my drive to Atlanta will allow me to visit briefly with my daughter, as her school happens to be along my route. This was actually a deciding factor in my drive versus fly decision. Of course, I’m all good with her being in college, and multiple states away, but I sure do enjoy our visits, even quick ones like we’ll have this week, or I guess I should say, that we had, for when you listen to this.
00:01:24 If your child is in college, how are you doing with that? On another note, did you catch my Quick Tips episode a few weeks back? I would love to know what you think of it. Here is the honest truth, there are a couple of sections where, when I listen to it, I think, “my pacing’s off there,” and it took some serious self-coaching work to allow myself to put it out there. It’s so funny what we will easily talk ourselves out of. In the end, I knew I didn’t have time to rerecord and I wanted it out more than not out. So, there you have it.
00:02:20 Here we are at episode number 45. Over the last 44 episodes, I’ve shared ideas, thoughts and analogies to assist you in leveling up in your life. As you level up, you’ll sit in the simmer at a variety of times, and in different ways, as you move forward. If you have been incorporating what I share into your life, I want to warn you of a couple things. One is that just when you start to get the hang of it, it will get tough again.
00:02:52 Two is that this work is your work, not your partner’s work, or your child’s work, or your co-workers work. It is yourwork. I’m going to dive into this one first. As you work on yourself, you’ll begin to notice the behavior that you used to have in others, specifically, the thoughts people share with you out loud that they easily could change. It isn’t your job to train them or fix them. It is your job to work on yourself. When they are obviously controlled by thought deliveries that they have no idea are optional, it is time for you to check your own thought deliveries about the situation you are in. Do you like your thoughts? If not, try connecting to the now and make friends with it. See episode number 44 for more on that. Pause your thought deliveries. Feel your feet on the floor. Touch your hands or fingers together, to connect with your body. Notice the smells, sounds, and images your mind is choosing to see at that moment. Can you maybe see more details of what’s around you?
00:04:01 See how that helps. Of course, first you need to notice that you are overcome with thought deliveries. I’ll be honest, I had a hard time with one of these lately. It is intriguing to me what triggered it. It was mansplaining, a man who clearly did not consider women to be equal, and who generally is so wrapped up in who he is, that my thoughts kept going to, “Why am I wasting valuable time, in my life, listening to this man,” But, I had to, it was necessary in the moment.
00:04:32 I’d like to say that I managed those thought deliveries well. But as you can see, I didn’t. I let them fill up my house and I chose thoughts that made me feel annoyed over and over, and over again. Maybe this was important so that I could share with you today. It is the perfect example for this episode, after all, as I was not in control or even aware of my thought deliveries. I was completely unable to make friends with now. So, yes, the work became difficult again, or slowed, or pretty much stopped in that moment. It is crazy easy for me to think this work is way too difficult. I’m going to go back on auto pilot and live my life the way I used to.
00:05:16 I share all of this with you because I want you to know that I understand the struggle is real. The best thing we can do in these moments is to remember that we are leveling up, and we just hit a brand new level. Time to be thankful that we noticed it at all, and time to get to work again. Isn’t it fun? Is this where you ask me Christine, is it worth it? Well, that is a thought you need to figure out, my friend, for yourself.
00:05:48 Now back to the first warning that I had for you, which was others being uncomfortable with your change. This is real. Think about how people react when you change your outward appearance drastically. You’ll have some who are loving and supportive; some who are confused; some who are downright hostile; and everything in between. Some of these reactions and who they come from can be quite surprising. With this work, it is internal for you. They don’t see you eating different foods to lose weight; they don’t see you going to night school to work toward a new job. They might catch you working on a funny worksheet here or there but most of your work is not apparent to them. When you begin to react differently, they will be thrown. Expect this. Remember, our minds like to be comfortable.
00:06:43 Even if we don’t enjoy being yelled at, if someone typically behaves that way toward us, and then suddenly stops, as you have a thought delivery arriving, it is the one you always get. Let’s say that it is “I hate that they are always yelling at me.” But the delivery person doesn’t have any idea where to put it, because they started the thought delivery before you even reacted in a way that was different, which was not yelling. That, and a whole bunch of deliveries get stuck right at the door. It’s all clogged up. You can’t really go in or out, you’re clearly confused. You might have new deliveries pop in with new thoughts, but they make absolutely no sense, things like, they’re having an affair; they’re mad at me; they’re sick; and you may choose to look at some of them and react to the new thought delivery whether it makes sense or not. When you suddenly act different, their mind is trying to make sense of the change, and you may find some really interesting stories created about you, to make up for the change in you.
00:07:49 When you knowto expect this from others, you have the opportunity to be highly entertained by it all. Look, think about if that person was behaving in a similar manner toward you. Something they always did, suddenly stops. You would be confused too, because now you need to break a pattern of how you reacted to them. It becomes more mental work for you, even if the change in them could be viewed as a positive in your life. It’s so funny, really. We have all this going on in our minds. How do we even function in the external world? That, I believe, is the answer to why most people choose to never do the work of managing their thought deliveries.
00:08:28 Just as you start to feel really good about cleaning up your mind, don’t be surprised if you find the world around you gives you a whole bunch more thought deliveries to work on. The easy answer is to stop leveling up, walk off frustrated and go back to what you’ve been doing. It is always a choice you have. I ask you, though, how was that working for you? Or you can dig in deeper. Know you’ll be getting resistance. Choose to use it as your training ground for the next level, and press the start button again. Since we are going to have discomfort, either way, in our life, what if we go in knowing that and ready to level up?
00:09:06 Something that is helpful, is to have someone to work through it all with. Whether that someone is a coach like me, or if you and a friend purchase my program and work through it together, or listening to my podcast with a friend to discuss. Of course, there is always my Green Popsicle Sticks community, online. Yes, by the way, I was writing this episode for myself today. This work, my beautiful friend, is totally worth it. You are worth it.
00:09:36 The Questions I have for you in this episode are: have you experienced the push-back? And, how have you been handling the push-back and leveling up? I invite you to fly on over to our Facebook Group to share your answers to these questions with our amazing flock. Our name is Green Popsicle Sticks. Want to know why? Listen to episode number 17, or head to my website, youremptynestcoach.com/community for links to join our flock.
I know that the adjustment to not having your kiddos at home full-time isn’t always easy, but it sure can be a ton more fun with a flock of friends. We look forward to seeing you there!
Psst…my empty nest friend, did you know that I have an online program, “The Empty Nest: First Steps Towards Success.” I now also, offer GPS Reset Weekend Retreats, Unplugged and Charged Up, and that I am available for speaking engagements. For all the fun details, visit my website, or see this episodes full show notes. I am thrilled to travel, and I can’t wait to meet you.
00:10:39 As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. You’ll find the show notes for this, and every episode, on my website. My next episode’s title is: How do I Know When It’s Time to Stop Simmering?
Don’t forget to subscribe to this podcast, it is free and you’ll be notified when I post a new episode every Friday. If my show has helped you in any way, please share it with one other person you think it will help, too! You’ll be giving them a free gift! Thanks for your time and energy with that, and thanks so much for listening, my empty nest friend. Remember, you are amazing!