Empty Nest Success Evangelist specializing in coaching mothers entering the empty nest. ★ Master Motivator ★ Podcast Host ★ Together we'll channel your freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy! ~ Christine, Your Empty Nest Coach
134: Why the Destination Matters More Than the Path (Why We Are Moving), Your Wins & More
Hello, my amazing friend!
Coach Christine,
Your Empty Nest Coach
"The most important thing to remember is that your college student - if they actually made it to campus - has changed. It could be a big or small change, but they are not the same student who left last time, and they are definitely not the same child that lived in your house at age 10, 12, 14, etc., so your now emerging adult deserves to have the opportunity to show who they are now."
Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.
⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓
Check out @emptynestcoach 's episode of the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast (why the destination matters more than the path):
Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #134. If you are new here, know that I tend to use terms I’ve introduced in prior episodes - should you feel a bit lost when this happens, I invite you to use my show notes for a list of earlier episodes to get caught up! High-level, I’m all about coaching you to become the CEO of Your Life and in my world, CEO stands for Conscious Effective Olympian.
In this episode, I talk about the why for my family’s upcoming move, we talk about how to prepare for college breaks, and of course, we are celebrating our wins and more!
I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode, today. Here we go.
[happy music under voiceover]
This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest - or possibly a student who's wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally (the hotline video operator), popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan!
[end happy music]
00:01:14
My amazing friend, did you get a chance to listen to my last episode where I interviewed a client of mine? I can’t thank Jennifer enough for the time she made to share with us.
As a reminder, you may submit feedback, questions or comments to any section of these episodes by leaving me a message (text or audio) - on my google voice number: That’s 1-920-LIFEWIN or (920-543-3946). Of course, you’ll find that in my show notes, too, if you’re looking for it later.
All of my offerings, podcast show notes, transcriptions of the episodes, and more can be found on my website: Your Empty Nest Coach dot com.
00:01:56
[computer game level up music (short)]
I’m thrilled to share with you that this podcast episode is sponsored by SupaPass. SupaPass enables creatives to have a slick Netflix-style platform with a modern & easy-to-use feel, making it easy to browse resources. SupaPass powers our Empty Nest Success online community which is coming soon! A special thanks to SupaPass for providing a space for our empty nest flock to fly to!
00:02:18
[computer game level up music (short)]
My Wish for You Today
My amazing friend, my wish for you today is that you are present enough in your day today to notice something you wouldn’t have otherwise. Whether it be someone hurting that you can offer assistance to, an opportunity for you, or anything in between. May your mind be clear, and may your eyes and ears be open to it.
00:02:40
[computer game level up music (short)]
New Things. New Things. New Things!
First up, our move: I’m going to talk a little bit about this a bit today - tell you a little more about our why, also, but the status is that two weeks from today is our moving weekend. Our house sold in three days and it has been a whirlwind.
Our daughter, as of today, isn’t attending grad school. Yes, she got into her dream programs but in the end the financials didn’t make sense for her - at least for this year, so she’s coming home for a bit - and our nest won’t be so empty again. Hubby and I are going to enjoy having her home for as long as she’s with us.
As for the empty nest success app is slow going with the move but I hope to have a portion of it available within the next two weeks for some of my flock members to begin testing it. If you’ve already reached out to me please know that I’ll be in touch soon. If you’re interested in testing it out, let me know - email me or DM me!
And of course, there’s private coaching spots. I have two spots remaining in May. If you are a regular listener, you already know that in the Your Empty Nest Coach part of my life, my private coaching clients are top tier - they’re my absolute favorites. We have weekly private zoom calls, I send you resources, and you have a line of communication with me between sessions. It’s so much fun, and I’d love to work with you!
00:03:59
[computer game level up music (short)]
Ask Coach Christine
One of the ideas I have about this segment is to turn it into more than just a segment of a podcast episode. I would love to get enough questions that I can answer them Monday through Friday and share a win with them. So, don’t be shy if you have a question for me to answer.
For today, a recent question I received is, “Christine, how should I prepare for having my college student back home?”
And my response?
I love this question so much because it really is important to think about ahead of time. The most important thing to remember is that your college student, if they actually made it to campus, has changed. It could be a big or small change but they are not the same student who left last time, and they are definitely not the same child that lived in your house at age 10, 12, 14, etc., so your now emerging adult deserves to have the opportunity to show who they are now. Let’s be real, you might have changed since they left and you might want them to know who you are. So, my top tip is to recognize that they’ll be different and take the opportunity to get to know the child (of any age) who's walking through your door and also remember that it is time for the relationship to mature.
I have a four-part series on this on Instagram and Tiktok, if you want to check it out.
If you have a question you want me to focus on in an upcoming episode, use that google voice number 1-920-LIFEWIN. Leave a voicemail message or text your question to me. I do consider all submissions.
00:0529
[computer game level up music (short)]
My Lessons Learned
What have I learned recently?
Know where you are heading but don’t be set on how you are going to get there. I have talked about this in prior episodes and I talk about it in coaching - my spider web episode mentions it a bit but I’ve had it play out in my life recently and there was this incredible moment where I realized what happened - and this is where I share a bit about why we are moving.
I’m about to be super transparent with you, and I did get the okay from my hubby to share this at a high-level. He’s extremely private (not on social media) so I like to ask ahead of time before I share things like this.
We bought a large home a little over three years ago. We had been renting for years after owning a home but one of us really missed home ownership - wanted a bit more privacy and space. The house has been incredible with the pandemic - I mean we have been privileged enough to each have our own office space while working from home. I wasn’t sold on home ownership, to be honest. While there are things I like - the extra space and being able to do whatever we want in the house (are two) - the maintenance of home ownership and the work that comes along with it - well, I haven’t been a fan. I’d much rather create videos and content for you than clean a larger house, or take care of the house.
When I came home one day last month and my husband said, “I think we should move.” I’ll be honest, I could not call the realtor fast enough. Then when he shared about how much homes are selling for where we live and pointed out that we’d be able to pay off our daughter’s college loans, well, it became a no-brainer for both of us. Those loans are no small potatoes.
I promise I’m getting to the point of this lesson. Stay with me.
00:07:13
To explain the college loans, we aren’t a family who had money saved for our daughter’s education. I know, I know - go ahead and gasp! I’ll wait. Our plan was that I’d work when she was in high school and we’d use that money for her college - well, she went four years early, so the solution for us, was, yeah, the government loans that she could take and the parent loans for the rest of it. She did get a great merit scholarship, but let's be real, it’s not like that leaves you with only $500 to pay for the year - gosh - wouldn’t that be nice?
Here we are, now, with our daughter graduating in May, and guess what we need to start making payments on? Yes, four years of loans, loans and more loans.
Feel free to judge, critique or what not. That is for you to do and it is all, honestly, outside of my fence, so your thoughts about what we did are for you to reflect on - not me. I share our experience because I know we aren’t the only ones in this situation and I want you to know I understand if this is you, too.
00:08:11
Jumping back to selling our home and guess what we can do? Yes, pay off all of the loans! All. The. Loans. Rather than us live in this big house with college loans, we are moving to a rental where we get to live cheaper, and have a maintenance free lifestyle with no debt.
I understand this isn’t a choice everyone would make but it is the one we’ve made and it feels amazing. Does every parent have this ability? No, I know this. I know there are college students who aren’t able to get any assistance from their parents, and I know we are privileged. My husband did not graduate from college. I did. He had to pay for his college and tapped out very quickly. He’s always said the gift he wanted to give our daughter is a college degree paid for (she still obviously had to do the work - which she did). And here we are.
You may be wondering… what does this have to do with where you’re heading Christine? Well, as most of you know, I have a day job and I have this business. I love this business but I’m not in a position where I’ll leave my day job to do this full-time until two things happen. Want to know what the two things are?
1. Our daughter’s college is paid for
2. I make enough in my coaching to pay for all of the expenses with the business and make more than I currently make in my day job.
Here is the interesting thing: over the last few years, I had assumed that paying off my daughter’s college was going to be through my coaching. I had never considered that we’d have this opportunity to sell our home in this market bubble, and that my husband who loves this house was going to be excited to head back to renting life. But here we are. It has fallen into place perfectly as if it was always meant to be this way and had to happen this way.
Does this mean I get to leave my day job? Oh, no. Not even close. I’m not one of those people that think,
[character voice]
“I have to leave my day job to prove to myself that I believe in me. I mean,” sigh, “who am I if I can’t leave my day job and believe I can make enough money.”
[return to normal speaking]
No, that’s not me. I get it but those are someone else’s thoughts about my business. I am a human who has real bills to pay, we have retirement to build up more and if I leave my day job, that puts a stress on not only our family but on my coaching that I don’t want there. I LOVE coaching. I LOVE it. I love it enough to be patient as my business grows. I love it enough to have single digit clients per year for five, seven, ten years - if that’s what’s in store for me. I’m all good. I am here, as Coach Christine, to have fun and to serve. Anything else is a drag and I don’t need that from the project I have that I created to bring joy and adventure into my life and into my client’s life.
So, I’ve learned in this experience that knowing how you’ll get to a destination is not important as being true to yourself, being open to anything along the way and remembering what your destination is so you don’t miss it when it is gifted to you out of nowhere.
00:011:21
[quirky music under segment]
Christine? Christine? Christine where are you?
Deirdre Dolan Nesline and I are continuing our Friday morning Clubhouse declutter tips. Deirdre provides great tips for your weekend ahead, and with my move happening, this is perfect timing!
If you are in Clubhouse, I invite you to follow me and Deirdre there.
As always, you may check out my Media & Press page on my website YourEmptyNestCoach.com for a list of all of my guest appearances.
00:11:54
[computer game level up music (short)]
Celebrating You and Your Wins[sound]
My win? I got rid of journals that I have been moving from home to home and have never looked at. As I was going through things and preparing to box up items, I turned on The Minimalists podcast and they reminded me that I don’t need to save them. Those things might be important to you but working on being super present in my life means that I, personally, don’t need to look back at years and years of my thoughts because I have new ones now, and I like the growth I’ve made.
As for your wins, I’m happy to share the last two weeks of wins from TikTok and Instagram! See my show notes to click through to view these wins and cheer everyone on. As always, please forgive any mispronunciations:
Lesa of NotYourCollegeLife shared, “Content planning done for the next two months!”
Jen of FlourishingOver50 shared, “just finished a 12 week course and made it through all of the content, recordings, homework”
Jane of AmbitiousMamas shared, “Sometimes just the fact that I can smile. This empty nest thing .”
Jane, I want to stop here and just remind you that you don’t have to smile at every moment. Please feel those emotions. It is okay to be sad sometimes. You are strong enough to get through them, to feel them and get to the other side of them. I believe in you.
Alright, back to our next one..
JillGrimesMD shared,”Love the pod van! My Wednesday win was fighting through a new version of photoshop (new to me cuz I hadn’t used it in several years) to create a new header for my website ”
Go, Jill!
Alright, I’m going to take a break:
Lesa, well done on your content planning.
Jen, awesome on the course, and content, and recordings, and homework. I know how much work that is. It’s a big deal. Please give yourself a pat on the back!
Jane, you’re going to feel those feelings and I’m cheering you on.
Jill, I can’t wait to check out this new header!
00:13:51
Now let’s hear from the TikTok family:
Gigi M. Green says “ My win is writing the first season of my soon to be released audio drama.“
Go, Gigi. Woo!
Layla “I recently found out that my school will be able to have a safe, COVID-friendly prom and graduation this year!”
Oh my goodness. This is so exciting. I love it.
Vik shared, “I made up with my mom and I finally cleaned my room!”
Huge. Love it!
Rain shared, “I went to bed at a good time and got all my work done without procrastinating.”
Awesome!
Noreen “I was able to get my first dose of the COVID vaccine!”
I love it, Noreen. I got mine too and I’m waiting on my second one. This is great. I hope you’re feeling okay.
Sunnyday shared, “Even though I was worried about homework, I went to the beach with a friend.”
Well done. And I checked in with Sunnyday and they said it was beautiful.
Thank you all for sharing your wins. Now my listener, I want you to take a couple of seconds here and think of a moment that happened today: small - or big, that you can celebrate. Do you have it? Now take a moment to share it on social media. Tag me and I’ll be thrilled to pop over and cheer you on! If you aren’t on the socials then share it with one other person via email. You have no idea how much your wins encourage and inspire others - no win is too small!
As a reminder, you can always share your win with us - and you may send it to me in my DMs on social media, use my google voice number, yes, that’s in my show notes, or pop in the comments of my wednesday win videos on TikTok or Instagram: just add the microphone emoji.
00:15:21
[computer game level up music (short)]
What’s in your life’s toolbox?
As a reminder, these are the things that bring you joy, or allow you to reset yourself in one way or another. Some are escapes that allow you the grace to have time until you’re able to process deeper or to allow your mind a bit of time to recalculate to what’s next; other things are tools and resources that allow you to do the deeper work - like this podcast, my workshops, or doing coaching work with me or someone else. I’d love for you to share what works for you in your life’s toolbox for others to consider. Remember, these are always suggestions. What works for me may not work for you and vice versa - don’t be afraid to try new things!
What I have to share with you this week was that I was gifted with a n.o.w.® tone therapy system. A sweet podcasting friend, Lee Uehara, won it at Podfest Global Summit and was incredibly generous to gift this to me. What is it? Well, their website describes it as “It’s Yoga for Your Mind.” I love it! It helps me to reset and recharge in just three minutes. Let me give you a little listen….
It comes with two and I’m going to turn them both on.
[sounds of n.o.w.® tone therapy ]
One of the statements on their website is “helps you live in the present moment, more easily.”
I’m all about presence, so this is speaking my language. It does a great job for me, too. I feel like it takes me to where I am when I am walking through the woods alone and able to be truly present in the moment. I’m a fan. I did take video of opening it and using it, and will post it on YouTube as soon as I am able!
00:17:30
[computer game level up music (short)]
Let’s find the funny!
[giggles from others]
I’m putting a link to a TikTok video in my show notes. It is an adorable cat thinking they are going to sneak attack on another one and that catchy Oh, no, oh, no, no. Yeah, that’s really sad. [giggles] You know what I mean. That sound. That’s with it and it made me giggle out loud.
00:17:49
[computer game level up music (short)]
What I Wish My Parents Knew
Related to College Breaks..
Your children want you to know that they’re going to be exhausted when they return home and ask that you have patience and grace with them with your expectations - especially immediate after their arrival. It is a lot for them, and they often may disappear into their room to sleep and sleep and sleep. Definitely make sure they’re in a good mental state but also don’t be shocked if they want to sleep more than you’ve seen them do so before - especially with the pandemic - navigating campus during a pandemic is no joke. Enjoy your time with them, be patient and have fun!
00:18:28
[happy music (short)]
Two Questions for You
Question 1: How many times have you moved in your life?
and Question 2: What is the destination that you have your sights on for your life?
As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.
My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.
If you enjoy this podcast please don’t forget to share it with others, it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. And of course, follow or subscribe in your favorite podcast app!
I’ll be back with episode 135 in two weeks. In the meantime, you have 133 other episodes, from me, to catch up on, or relisten to.
And we are now at that part of the episode where I sign off after reminding you that you, my beautiful friend, are amazing!
See ya!
0019:23
[bloopers]
00:19:43
Still listening?
Yes, I’m recording this in my podvan again. I’m very curious to see if the sound quality is just as good as my last episode - it sounded like a studio. It’s much better than my home. I’m debating on creating podvan accounts on Instagram and TikTok because I think I could have fun with sharing videos there. What do ya think?
As a mom, unappreciative humans may surround you at all times. Some days it may feel like it is part of the job description. Is there even the slightest chance that you have created that yourself? Let’s think about that in today’s episode where I give you a little bit of tough love because feeling unappreciated is a lousy place to be.
Take a listen, or read the transcript, below.
⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll all the way down ⇓ so you don’t miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓
Want to subscribe to this podcast? Great news – it is free!
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 30: Christine, I Am Not Appreciated. … Appreciation. Let’s talk about it. What if you feel that your partner doesn’t appreciate you? Maybe it is a friend, or a child’s friend. Let’s be honest, it might be your child that you feel doesn’t appreciate you. What do you do when you are feeling unappreciated?
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 30: Christine, I Am Not Appreciated. This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that has been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it is freaking you out. I’ve been there and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
Hello, my future empty nest friend. Holy cow! This is episode 30. Thirty! I can’t believe it. As I typed my notes for this episode, I’m not even a year out from when I firmly decided that empty nest coaching was going to be my niche. I was between three or four different ones, and I certainly hadn’t decided to do a podcast. This is amazing! I’m really proud of myself. What is crazy exciting is that I have people listening from countries all over the world. Some have taken the time to reach out to me and share their appreciation for this podcast. I can’t even begin to tell you how much that means to me.
00:01:16 Podcasting is a very lonely experience. Not really lonely, it’s just solitary. I’m sitting in a closet recording this and I put it out there and it may change your life, and I may never know that. The only way I know is if you reach out and tell me. I appreciate those of you who have done that, and if you’re going to, I can’t wait to hear from you.
00:01:37 I thought I would share a comment from a member of our Green Popsicle Stick group today. This one comes from Karen, and she shared that, “It seems that I stopped dreaming at some point in the last ten years. I’m going to start a Pinterest page titled “Dreams,” and then, pick one to think through.” Karen, thanks for sharing this with the group. It really is true, isn’t it? That we do seem to squash those dreams of ours down deep, the older we get. Then, we get wrapped up in helping our children make their dreams come true. I think we just squash them without even knowing we are doing it.
00:02:10 I have to tell you, that when I ask people the question, if you could do anything in the world right now, money isn’t an issue, you are totally happy in whatever you choose, what would it be? Most answer with, “Hmm, I need to think about that.” What strikes me here, is not that they need to think about it, but that they would never think to dream about this on their own. Why? One thing I love about Karen’s comment, is the Pinterest board idea. Fantastic idea, Karen. You’ll have to let us know how it works for you.
00:03:04 Appreciation. Let’s talk about it. What if you feel that your partner doesn’t appreciate you? Maybe it is a friend, or a child’s friend. Let’s be honest, it might be your child that you feel doesn’t appreciate you. What do you do when you are feeling unappreciated? If you’ve listened to more than two of my podcast episodes, you probably know me by now, and yes, giving you some tough love today. This is not about them. Their behavior is not unappreciative. Your thinking about their behavior has labeled them as unappreciative. How do you respond with that thought of yours? For example, if you have someone in your life that you believe you have done a lot for, and their behavior toward you is not what you expect, you will have some thoughts about their behavior. What are those thoughts? If the thought is they are so unappreciative, first, how do you feel with that thought? For me, that thought brings up frustration. What does it bring up for you? How do you show up in the world, with that thought? For me, the best version of me certainly does not show up. What do you think your behavior is toward them, with that thought? Here’s the reality, whether they appreciate you or not, you don’t know. They might appreciate you in their mind. How would you know? You can’t pop in and read their mind, and would you really want to anyway? I’m good.
00:04:38 The real problem, most of the time, is that they aren’t responding in a way that we expect them to respond. Maybe it was, they didn’t say thank you. Maybe it was, they didn’t send me a card. Maybe it was they didn’t hug me, or they didn’t send me a text right away. All of these things are circumstances. If I have in my mind that when I send my child a package at college, I expect them to call or text me the moment they receive the package, and they need to thank me profusely, but they don’t. Maybe not only that, but I have to ask them if they received it, and I get, “Oh, yeah. Thanks. It was nice,” as a response. I need to stop and ask myself why do I feel that I need to control my child’s response for this? Did I want to send the package? Yes. Do I know what is going on in their mind? No. Even if they don’t appreciate it, what does it get me thinking that they don’t appreciate it? Lousy feelings is all that it gets me.
00:05:38 This is where we need to choose a thought that makes us feel better. If you are being abused or taken advantage of, then you need to set boundaries; however, most of the time, it isn’t a boundary issue. It is a thought issue. It is your thought, not their thought. After being curious about everything that this person continues to do, figure out if you want to set a boundary with them. Be clear with them on the boundary, and then you need to follow through on what you say you are going to do, if they don’t respect the boundary.
00:06:12 Let me give you an example. Perhaps I am sending a package where I’d like to know the box was received, because of the contents. I could set a boundary that I expect a text upon receipt or I won’t send any more boxes. State it to the recipient, but I need to be 100 percent ready to follow through on whatever I state, otherwise, there’s no use in setting the boundary. The real question is, who do you want to be in the world? Why not choose the best version of you? We start all of that with our thoughts. Catch your thoughts. Notice your thoughts and protect your thoughts, my empty nest friend. I know you can do it.
00:06:52 This is tough work right here. The next time you say, “they don’t appreciate me,” I want you to notice that that is a thought you are having. Take a deep breath, and see if you can find the actual circumstance that is causing your thought. If you haven’t already, go back and listen to my Empty Nest Prep Series of episodes, five episodes starting at episode number 3, to see what to do next.
00:07:19 Please don’t hesitate to fly on over to our Facebook group. Our name is Green Popsicle Sticks. Want to know why? Listen to episode number 17, or head to my website, youremptynestcoach.com/community for links to join our flock. Why should you join our group? The adjustment to not having your kiddos at home full time isn’t always easy, but it sure can be a ton more fun with a flock of friends. We look forward to seeing you there.
00:07:46 If you are ready to begin the journey to find future you, and use her as your GPS, definitely sign up for my free program, “The Empty Nest: A Guide to Uncovering My Future.”Episode 13 covers the high-level concepts of the program, if you would like to check it out. To dive deep in the concepts, take my free program, as I provide videos and worksheets to assist you on your journey.
00:08:10 The questions I have for you in this episode are: number one, do you currently identify with being unappreciated? Number two, when you have the thought that you are being unappreciated, how do you feel? As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend. My hope is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. You’ll find the show notes for this and every episode on my website. My next episode’s title is “How to Find Friends in the Empty Nest.” Don’t forget to subscribe to this podcast. It is free, and you’ll be notified when I post a new episode every Friday.
00:08:47 If my show has helped you in anyway, please share it with one other person you think it will help, too. You’ll be giving them a free gift. Thanks for your time and energy with that, and thanks so much for listening, my empty nest friend! Remember, you are amazing!
I can’t begin to tell you how much I needed this episode when I wrote it. Throughout our life, we experience change. Sometimes it is expected, sometimes it is not. When we are unable to be patient with ourselves through the transition, things can get a little off course and “boil over.”
In this episode, I talk about the importance of a simmer in a beef stew and what that has to do with your life.
Take a listen, or read the transcript, below.
⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll all the way down ⇓ so you don’t miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓
Want to subscribe to this podcast? Great news – it is free!
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 29: Christine, I Don’t Know What to do Next. … My future empty nest friend, I want to talk about when you can’t figure out what is next in life. This may be in the form of thoughts such as, Christine, I don’t know what to do with my time or Christine, I think I know who future me is, but I can’t figure out what to do next.
00:00:00 Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 29: Christine, I Don’t Know What to do Next. This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that has been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it is freaking you out. I’ve been there and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
00:00:35 Hello, my future empty nest friend. What amazing things are going on in your life right now? Take a second to stop and think about something. Anything, and how amazing it is. Want an example? Right now, you are listening to my voice. I’m not with you live, in person, I’m off doing something else in my life, but something that I assembled and recorded weeks ago, you are able to listen to as if I’m right here with you. Now, that’s pretty amazing. Need another? How about how your body manages to take breaths, to keep you alive without you having to think about it. Amazing!
00:01:11 A quick reminder that all of my episodes are brought to you by my free seven-day program, “The Empty Nest: A Guide to Uncovering to My Future.” To be clear, we are talking about your future, not mine. Hop on over to my website, youremptynestcoach.com and sign up today. Look for the link that says, “Uncover Your Future.”
00:01:29 My future empty nest friend, I want to talk about when you can’t figure out what is next in life. This may be in the form of thoughts such as, Christine, I don’t know what to do with my time or Christine, I think I know who future me is, but I can’t figure out what to do next.
00:01:49 Beef Stew. When you make beef stew, there is some prep work. You cook the beef. You then cook your veggies, seasoning, broth, maybe wine, more seasonings, and you bring it to a boil. Once the stew reaches its boiling points, you reduce the heat to a simmer and have more additions for the next 30 to 45 minutes. This simmer time allows a couple of things to happen. One, it cooks the food gently and slowly, allowing it to maintain its structure in ways impossible with boiling. It also will bring fat, proteins, and other substances to the top of the pot, which allows you to skim them off, and results in a clear stock.
00:02:25 Notice that two things are not recommended. One, allowing the meal to boil over, and two, once the boiling point is reached, turn the heat off and eat the stew. What does this have to with the empty nest? Something that I’ve noticed for many of my clients is that we reach this point where we have been “doing life” at a million miles an hour. Due to the circumstances of life, we get really good at hiding the real us in the name of taking care of everyone else. So much so that when a family member moves out of the house, be it for college, or their first apartment, the first thought that comes to our mind is what am I going to do with my time? As if we didn’t exist before they entered our lives. Think about it.
00:03:07 You were a full grown adult before you had your child. At least, most of us are. You had a life. You will have a life again. That you has been hiding really well. Is she different? More than likely, yes, but she is there. She’s just not used to showing herself. For many of my clients, the question what am I going to do with my time, seems to have an almost universal effect that moves my clients to, in the stew analogy, a full-on rolling boil that leads to a boiled-over mess. Can you picture this? There’s a frenzied emotion guiding the question for them. The frenzy sometimes is led by the need to know the answer to this question as soon as possible.
00:03:47 If you are able to answer the question right away, what am I going to do with my time, fantastic! Go you! But for many of us, the first thing we think we should do isn’t really the answer. Jumping all in on that thing, whatever it is, without allowing life to simmer for a little bit, will cause the stew to boil over, or we realize we’re not heading down the right path, so we pull the pot off the heat and dump it down the sink. When what we really need to do is turn the heat down low and allow things to simmer.
00:04:19 Allow ideas to bubble up. Explore them. Research them. Try them, and if the timing is right, take some time to discover if the stew is finished cooking, if you need to try a new recipe, or if you are simply still simmering. Remember, also, that if you don’t move from the boil down to the simmer, adjustments become messier than they need to be. In this transition, in your quest to figure out what you are going to do with your time, take deep breaths, and if you don’t have complete clarity, it is okay. You are simply simmering. You are exploring what is next.
00:04:55 What if you are sitting there wondering what am I going to do with my time, and you feel frenzied. You feel things starting to boil, but all you have is water in the pot, right? No direction. If this is you, I want you to try something for me. Try changing your question, what I am going to do with my time to the sentence, I am going to have more time, or I have more time, and simmer in that. Please note that this doesn’t mean that you don’t take any action in your life. You can try things. You can explore things. You can go all in on things, and you can adjust things. Throw some ingredients in here and there and see what that does for you.
00:05:35 Sometimes you want to make a huge change right away, but circumstances need you to stay where you are to allow the next step to be smooth. Rather than resenting where you are currently, realize that you are in a necessary simmer that is needed, before the next ingredient is added. As you simmer, get to know future you. Find her. It is so funny, I already hear some of you ready to say, how can I know future me, when I don’t know if blah, blah, blah is going to happen.
00:06:02 I need to be very clear. Future you is meant to inspire, encourage and motivate you. She is not necessarily a prediction of the future, unless you have some powers that I don’t know about, then, you know, give me a call. Let me know. But she’s your navigation system. Right now, in this moment, whoever future you would be, use her to guide you in your decisions.
00:06:27 That question you want the answer to, Christine, what am I going to do with my time? It might make you feel like you need to pick a new job, a new career, or a hobby to fill your time with. Maybe what you really need to do right now, is to keep doing what you’re doing. Maybe you see where you think your life will be in two years, but you’re just needed quite a bit right now, doing what you’re doing. Which might mean that your life isn’t going to change as quickly as you imagine it. You might be in the necessary simmer.
00:06:59 So, are you simmering? Remember, if you stop simmering, the recipe never finishes. Once the stew is finished cooking, there is always another stew ready to be made. Sit in the simmer. Don’t be afraid of the simmer! Don’t fight it. Use it to get in touch with future you. This time is needed and if you simmer long enough, the miscellaneous things that you don’t need, will rise to the top for you to skim off. That will make your life, your path ahead, clearer, just like the skimmed stock. Isn’t that cool?
00:07:30 If you’re having trouble sitting in the simmer, try reminding yourself that you’ll figure it out. So, where are you right now? This isn’t for me to tell you. It’s for your GPS future you to tell you. Don’t look to me, don’t look to your friend. Look to future you. Ask her what makes the most sense right now, and try asking her if you need to simmer. Trust that you and your GPS will figure out all the pieces when the time is right. Maybe right now, your GPS needs you to work on you, on your emotional health, on your physical health, so you may have the best future in store for you.
00:08:07 Having your future self to check in with is incredibly helpful. Mostly because she is you. She has your back, my friend. The destination sometimes changes for us, but the guidance system doesn’t. Find your guidance system. Find you and go after her 200 percent.
00:08:25 Please don’t hesitate to fly on over to our Facebook group. Our name is Green Popsicle Sticks. Want to know why? Listen to episode number 17, or head to my website, youremptynestcoach.com/community for links to join our flock. Why should you join our group? Well, the adjustment to not having your kiddos at home full time isn’t always easy, but it sure can be a ton more fun with a flock of friends. We look forward to seeing you there.
00:08:51 If you are ready to begin the journey to find future you and use her as your GPS, definitely sign up for my free program, “The Empty Nest: A Guide to Uncovering My Future.”Episode 13 covers the high-level concepts of this program, if you would like to check it out. To dive deep in the concepts, take my free program as I provide videos and worksheets to assist you on your journey.
00:09:13 The questions I have for you in this episode are:
1) Have you found future you yet? And
2) What was, or is, your biggest obstacle in finding her?
As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. You’ll find show notes for this and every episode on my website. My next episode’s title is, I’m Not Being Appreciated. Don’t forget to subscribe to this podcast. It is free, and you’ll be notified when I post a new episode every Friday.
00:09:45 If my show has helped you in any way, please share it with one other person you think it will help, too. You’ll be giving them a free gift. Thanks for your time and energy with that, and thanks so much for listening, my empty nest friend. Remember, you are amazing!
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 22: Thursday Thoughts About. … You may or may not know this, but I have a “Thursday Thoughts About” e-mail list. Each Thursday, I send out random thoughts about what is on my mind. A bit of encouragement and I note my most recent podcast episodes in the PS. section of the e-mail.
00:00:00 Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 22: Thursday Thoughts About. This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that has been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it is freaking you out. I’ve been there and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
00:00:36 Hello, my empty nest friend! Thanks for listening today. My wish for you is that you are able to find the thoughts to improve your life and be kind to yourself, one small thought improvement at a time, will make a tremendous impact in your life down the road. You’ve totally got this. You may or may not know this, but I have a “Thursday Thoughts About” e-mail list. Each Thursday, I send out random thoughts about what is on my mind. A bit of encouragement and I note my most recent podcast episodes in the PS. section of the e-mail.
00:01:09 I’ll be honest, there are some weeks that I wonder why I do it. It’s just one more thing on my list of things that I do to get my Your Empty Nest Coach business up and running. But I found three things that keep me going with these Thursday Thoughts emails. Number one, it’s a bit more real-time for me reaching you. While not quite Insta Story real-time, I typically write it the week I send it out. For contrast, my podcast is recorded weeks in advance. I’m as far as five or six weeks out at times. Number two, each week I begin wondering what I’ll write about and I’ve found so far, that they pretty much write themselves, because, you know, life gives you topics. Number three, sometimes the act of writing one of these triggers and entire podcast episode, and that is always helpful. I thought for this episode, I would look back, share a few of my favorite “Thursday Thoughts About” emails, and maybe share new thoughts about the original content as well.
00:02:06 The first one I’m going to share was sent out in early November of last year, 2018. It was titled, “Thursday Thoughts About Being Brave.” Happy Thursday, my empty nest friend. I’m leaving my day job early today, to go to a workshop in New York City. Four hours plus of driving, total, for a two-hour workshop. My initial thoughts when I received the email were, I can’t go to New York City on a Thursday evening, that is way too much. Then I thought about it. Wait, why not? I changed my thought to I could go to New York City next Thursday. I played it out and decided to go for it. This evening, I will be networking in New York City with the vendor who created the software that I use for my online classroom, and we’ll get to meet 30 plus others who use the platform and want to include online coaching in their portfolio.
00:02:56 This is not the easy choice. The easy choice is to stay home and do what I always do. How often do we dismiss thoughts that might possibly change our lives? Check your thoughts and see what changes. Here’s my follow-up thought on that one, oh, my goodness, I got chills reading this, because it did change my life. Just last week, I attended a Philadelphia event for Teachable, which is the vendor that I was speaking about, where I not only attended, but I am their Philadelphia partner. We have another event next month. See the episode show notes for details.
00:03:30 How did that partnership happen? You guessed it. I attended their event in New York City in November, and they just happened to be looking for partners in different areas. My friend, definitely check all those thoughts that you quickly dismiss in your life, while there definitely is some garbage that needs to be thrown out, you want to make sure that is all you’re throwing away.
00:03:55 Next up is my “Thursday Thoughts About Imposter Syndrome.” This one is from early December 2018. Imposter Syndrome, it has always been a problem in my life. It is something that almost stopped me from creating this business. It hit me again, this week. I created my very first podcast episode over the weekend. The planets aligned, I figured out the editing, the music, the provider to host my podcast and all of that work that goes along with the short phrase, created my very first podcast episode.
00:04:24 Once I had it uploaded to my host, I then did the next logical thing, as I read online, and submitted it to iTunes and other places. Spotify was handled automatically through my provider. By the end of the day, I found it on Spotify. It’s now there for anyone, everyone, or noone to find. Excited? Nope. Anxiety? Yes. I coached myself through it. One of the thoughts that kept popping up was, there are so many more qualified people than me, that should be doing this. This could be a real thing, but what does it serve me, in my life, to have this thought? When I think this thought, it makes me feel scared and moves me to inaction. That is not going to work. Going forward, when I notice the thought above, I will change it to I am qualified to share my story and journey with the world. This new thought brings me to action through the feeling of qualification. Is qualification a feeling? I’m making it one. I’m telling you, my empty nest friend, this works. My follow-up thoughts on that one, this was one of those emails that prompted an entire episode. Listen to episode 8 to see where it landed. I also have a link to that episode in my show notes.
00:05:37 Next up, sometimes my emails are short and have the purpose of letting you know I’m thinking of you. “Thursday Thoughts About Winter Break.” Happy Thursday! After a holiday party at my day job tomorrow, I am thrilled that I will be heading out of state to pick up my daughter for her winter break. How is it that another semester is over already? Time goes crazy fast. Podcasts keep me company on my journey to my destination, and the beautiful chatter of catching up brings me home. May you enjoy the chatter of your loved ones this weekend. All I have to add to this one, is I hope you enjoy the chatter of your loved ones this weekend, too.
00:06:12 Finally, sometimes I fill the emails with a tiny bit of tough love. This one’s “Thursday Thoughts About Consistency.” Consistency, I wrote it on the whiteboard in my day job’s office. Consistency is the creator and killer of dreams. Someone said, “Hmm? The killer?” Yes. Here is what I mean, a consistent thing doesn’t mean it’s always a good thing. Does it? Consistently choosing to eat dessert, even between meals, not to leave your house to go to the gym, not to put your phone down when your child or partner is talking to you, or to spend hours on social media. What are you doing consistently? Are you aware that you are making those choices? Do they lead to the dreams you have in store for your life? You consistently choose to do things all of the time. I challenge you to be conscious of your choices, and this is important, to be kind to yourself if you identify a consistency in your life that needs to be changed.
00:07:09 Dreaming big and choosing the right things to do consistently is worth it. What do you think? Is there a type of “Thursday Thoughts About” that you like best? Do you already receive them, and how do you like them? If you don’t already receive the email, I invite you to sign up today. The best part is, if after reading one of my emails, you have a question, all you need to do is hit reply to reach out to me. I answer all of those emails. Don’t hesitate to let me know how you’re doing. If you are ready to dig in and create a change in your own life that impacts both you and those around you, I invite you to join my upcoming coaching program. Be sure to get on my waitlist as space is always limited.
00:07:49 The questions I have for you in this episode are:
1) Are you on my “Thursday Thoughts About” email, yet?
2) If yes, what is your favorite type of email?If no, why the heck not?
00:08:16 Why should you join our group? The adjustment to not having your kiddos at home full time isn’t always easy, but it sure can be a ton more fun with a flock of friends. We look forward to seeing you there. As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend. My hope is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. You’ll also find show notes for this and every episode on my website.
00:08:39 If you are a first time listener, or even if you have listened before, and you’ve enjoyed this podcast, I have a favor to ask. If you could take the time to subscribe to this podcast, that would be fantastic! It is free, after all. If you have an extra moment to give this podcast a five-star rating, it will help other future empty nest mothers to find it when they need it. Thanks for your time and energy with that, and thanks so much for listening, my empty nest friend. Remember, you are amazing!
This episode is a continuation of my last episode. We worked on finding future you in episode 13, and in my previous episode we talked about, the “How?” Today, we cover those darn excuses that crop up in our lives. Let’s bury them once and for all!
Take a listen, or read the transcript, below.
⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll all the way down ⇓ so you don’t miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓
Want to subscribe to this podcast? Great news – it is free!
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 21: Let’s Talk About Your Excuses. … Now, for you, my friend! Let’s talk about those excuses. In my last episode we discussed you figuring out how to get to your future result. As soon as you begin to work on these future results and plans, excuses tend to pop up in your mind. It makes sense. Your mind likes what it knows.
00:00:00 Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast, with Coach Christine, episode number 21: Let’s Talk About Your Excuses. This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that has been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it is freaking you out. I’ve been there and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
00:00:38 Hello, my empty nest friend! Thanks for listening today. You made time for you, and you are listening to my podcast. That means the world to me. I may not know your name, but I see a new listen and that always makes me smile. I’ve got to tell you, getting these podcasts out in the world is no small amount of work. From start to finish, my checklist is significant. I have two other amazing colleagues that assist me and it takes hours and hours to just get one of these episodes to you. I do it for you. If you are enjoying it, the best way to let me know is to take time to rate and review the podcast in Apple Podcast or wherever you are listening to your podcast, or share it with a friend. Thanks so much! A special shout out to my team, Beth and Felicia, thank you for your dedication and support. You are the best!
00:01:28 Now, for you, my friend! Let’s talk about those excuses. In my last episode we discussed you figuring out how to get to your future result. As soon as you begin to work on these future results and plans, excuses tend to pop up in your mind. It makes sense. Your mind likes what it knows. It wants to stay comfortable, and will find a way to keep doing what it is doing, because it is easier. I’m going to give you a little tough love in this episode.
00:01:54 When you use an excuse, what you are really saying is I didn’t want it enough. Think about it. If you did want it enough, you would ignore the excuse. It wouldn’t stop you from anything. It would be back to your friend telling you that you’re going to wake up as a turtle tomorrow. Complete nonsense to your mind, so you don’t even give it a second thought. Here’s the question: Do you want that excuse, or even those excuses, to be the reason that you don’t get to your result?
00:02:25 I want you to learn to expect the excuses and to look for them, as you do the work to plan on getting to your results. Write down every excuse that appears in your mind. Things like, I don’t have enough time, that’s too much work, I can’t make a decision, my family won’t support me, I have too much going on to even make that a priority. Write them all down when you notice them, and take a look at them periodically, so that you begin to tune into them when they crop up in your mind. You may notice that you say one of them quite often. You could even ask your friends and family, and I bet they know your go-to excuses. I know, that’s a dare, isn’t it?
00:03:08 As you notice an excuse that you use, imagine that it is a sign for you that you simply have an obstacle that you need to overcome. From there, you can create a to-do list, or a plan, to defeat it. If you find that you are super comfortable with a particular excuse, and don’t want to let go of it, I’d like you to imagine that specific excuse written on your tombstone. How does that feel? If you use the excuse a lot, maybe that should be on your tombstone. But do you want it to be? You can choose. What would you put in its place? You can even draw a tombstone around each of your excuses, because in a way, they are the death of your progress toward your result. If you use the excuse and give in to the excuse, how can you possibly move forward?
00:03:56 This really isn’t your tombstone, it’s just a visualization. You may identify those excuses and choose to bury them. You’re alive. You are here, and you can change the writing on the tombstone, or visualize burying the whole thing and never use that excuse again. You might find that it will work its way out of the ground and attempt to get back in your life. If you’re in tune with identifying it, you have the opportunity to see it and note, oh, there’s an obstacle I need to plan to overcome. Then, put that excuse back in the ground. Bury it. Your mind is going to want to boss you around, and keep you comfortable for sure.
00:04:31 My friend, you can be the boss of your mind and use it to do great things. Notice your excuses and make a decision that they aren’t the boss of you. I know you are worth doing this work, my empty nest friend. As I said in the last episode, future you, is waiting for you and she’s cheering you on.
00:04:51 If you are ready to dig in and create a change in your own life that impacts both you and those around you, I invite you to join my upcoming coaching program. Be sure to get on my wait list, as space is always limited. Feel like you’re missing something? Head back to my Empty Nest Prep episodes. They start in episode number 3, to learn more about your thoughts and feelings. Are you curious about all this future talk, then check out episode number 13, where I talk about discovering future you.
00:05:20 The questions I have for you in this episode are: What is your go-to excuse? Knowing your go-to excuse, are you ready to bury it forever? Fly on over to our Facebook group. Our name is Green Popsicle Sticks. Want to know why? Listen to episode number 17, or head to my website, youremptynestcoach.com/community for links to join our flock. Why should you join our group? The adjustment to not having your kiddos at home full-time isn’t always easy, but it sure can be a ton more fun with flock of friends. We look forward to seeing you there. As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend. My hope is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. You’ll also find show notes for this and every single episode on my website.
00:06:07 My next episode’s title is: My Favorite Thursday Thoughts About. I’m going to share some of my favorite thoughts that I have emailed to my email list. If you are a first time listener, or even if you’ve listened before, and you’ve enjoyed this podcast, I have a favor to ask. If you could take the time to subscribe to this podcast, that would be fantastic. Also, if you have an extra moment to give this podcast a five-star rating, it will help other future empty nest mothers to find it when they need it. Thanks for your time and energy with that, and thanks so much for listening, my empty nest friend. Remember, you are amazing!