College Move-In Day: Tips & Helpful Items

Hello, my ah-mazing empty nest friend!
 
Here we go. Move-in day:  it looms ahead in the distance and then suddenly – WHACK – here it is. We are hit with the balance of being excited for our child as they begin their next adventure and the heavy emotions that arise when you realize they won’t be in your home to check up on anymore.
 
With my daughter heading into her junior year of college, bittersweet sums up my feelings this time of year. I’m unbelievably thrilled for where she is in life and feel her independence acutely. This makes me proud, happy, and excited for her. I can’t wait to see what she does. 
 
Will I miss her? Oh my goodness, you betcha! But this journey isn’t mine, it is hers, and it opens up my life to be sure I am on the right path moving forward. Sure, it can feel like part of me is breaking off but this experience allows both her and I to grow in ways that we couldn’t if she were to not be who she is meant to be. 
 
Whew, though, those emotions that come up – when you least expect them, they can be brutal.
 
My recommendation is to observe them and don’t run from them. Ignoring the emotions will create a resistance that has them always wanting to bubble up – but by noticing them, claiming them and processing through them, you become powerful! I know that you are strong enough to get through those emotions– no matter what they are. 
 
Anyway, below, I share with you five things that, being in year three of this journey, I have found helpful, or that I wish we had thought of earlier for move-in.
 
Our situation is that our daughter’s college is five hours from home, and we have a minivan to move things – so things that I find useful, may not apply to you. As always, take what I offer and consider if it will benefit your life. 
 
The following information is about the “stuff.” Life skills are a pretty big deal, and I talk about that in episode 32 of my podcast: What Life Skills Does My Child Need For College? My podcast is all about helping mothers through this transition, so if you are having a difficult time, I invite you to take a listen!
 
As always, Google will provide you with an overabundance  of information on what you should pack for college. I can’t possibly cover all of that, but I’d like to share with you my top five items. Also, two recent posts that I have found helpful are: 
 
My list below does contain affiliate links. By using my links, you support my podcast. Thank you!
 
Below are my top five college move-in essential items:
 

IKEA BAGS

These are the fantastic Ikea bags that we’ve had for years (before college). They are excellent to throw things in (bedding/pillows in particular), and they easily store in a dorm room. I had no idea you could get them with zippers, too!

COMMAND HOOKS

Command hooks and poster strips are unbelievably helpful. A place for keys? Got it! Need to put up an important piece of paper you got at move-in that you are afraid you’ll lose? Use a poster strip (there is a variety of sizes, too)!

WAGON

I love, love, love this wagon. This is one of the items that I purchased in year two of my daughter’s college years, and I wish I would have had it earlier. It was life-changing. There were days where I’d make the trip to her school and back in one day. Without the wagon, I was EXHAUSTED. With the wagon, it was a breeze because I didn’t even have to pull the thing – someone else always offered!

SMALL TOOLKIT

A toolkit is one of the things you think you won’t need, but in life’s rogue moments, a screwdriver would be incredibly helpful. It won’t only help your child (if you leave it with them), but if others find out they have a toolkit, there is a natural way to meet new people. We don’t have this specific kit, but it is an example of one.

TIME

No link here. This is a reminder to pad your time on move-in and move-out days to allow yourself and your child the flexibility to stop and chat with others; take advantage of something you may not have foreseen, should the moment arise; or, run to a local store if you see they need something. It gives all of you the freedom to be flexible. Also, other than taking a few photos, this is a lovely opportunity to stay off your phone and be fully present.

What are your top items for move-in? I invite you to share below.

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You are preparing for the empty nest ahead as your child(ren) prepares, heads off to, and experiences college.

128: Welcome to 2021, Podcast Updates, What Your Children Want You to Know & More 💚

128: Podcast Updates,  2021, Something Your Child(ren) Want You To Know, and More 💚

Hello, my amazing friend. 

A new episode, a totally new format, and 2021 has already shown it isn't giving us a break. Should you feel overwhelmed, I recorded this message to give you permission to reset yourself, rather than typing a whole bunch of stuff here.

As always, I'm cheering you on. I can't wait to see the work you do in your life to allow you to make a difference in your own life, the life of your loved ones, and in the world. 

I'll be back in February with my next episode - more on that when you listen to this one. 😉

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"I want to tell you now, if you’ve never heard it before, you are not responsible for your parents’ emotions."

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

🎙 Check out this episode of the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast: 



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This Episode is Brought To You By

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:56 Intro
  • 01:35 My Wish For You Today
  • 02:06 New Things: The quote I'm focusing on this year, enjoying the journey of life, picking one social media outlet, new podcast structure & my daughter heads back to campus
  • 08:00 Ask Coach Christine: "How do u tell your crazy over-obsessive mom you're moving out at 19?"
  • 12:01 My Lessons Learned: You don't earn a response from me just by commenting.
  • 12:35 Where's Christine? In a documentary and a magazine!
  • 13:21 Celebrate You & Your Wins
  • 14:35 What's in Your Life's Toolbox? 
  • 15:15 Let's Find the Funny! 
  • 16:09 What I Wish My Parents Knew - Have a student with online classes? This one is for you.
  • 17:08 Two Questions for You
  • 17:57 Bloopers
  • 18:15 Still Listening? 

Episode Questions for You To Consider

  1. What will you submit to an upcoming episode?
  2. What new section (or sections) resonate with you the most?  

💚Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

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FULL TRANSCRIPT: 

Episode 128 of the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, It’s coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast and this is episode #128.  If you are new here, know that I tend to use terms I’ve introduced in prior episodes. Should you feel a bit lost - use my show notes for best places to begin!

In this episode, I return from a six week break from my regular episodes and share all of the changes, thoughts and updates with you. 

Welcome to 2021, my amazing friend!

[happy music under voiceover]

This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest - or possibly a student who's wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally (the hotline video operator), popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan!

[end happy music]

00:00:56

I’m incredibly thankful for you. Thanks for taking the time to listen to this episode today. You know me, I don’t like to waste your time, but I do have a bunch of topics to cover today. If all goes as planned, I’ll be sure to post topics and time markers in my show notes, should you want to skip around.

As always, all of my offerings, podcast show notes and more can be found on my website: Your Empty Nest Coach dot com. This show is sponsored by me - and all things Your Empty Nest Coach, so to keep it going strong be sure to subscribe to this podcast in your favorite podcast player AND if you like something you hear, share it on the socials so others may learn about it. Thanks!

  

00:01:35

[computer game level up music (short)] 

My Wish for You Today 

My beautiful friend, my wish for you, today is that you are able to take things you have learned in 2020 and allow them to guide you in 2021. That you continue (or begin to) observe the thought-deliveries in your mind in a loving way so that you - YOU - are not bullying yourself with your thoughts. Notice those thoughts, observe them, question them and toss the ones that don’t serve you. It is never ending work but it is powerful. 

00:02:06

[computer game level up music (short)] 

New Things. New Things. New Things!

Well, these sections are new things - you know how I love to level-up?  So, I used a level up sound for video games - it felt appropriate. This section is going to be on the longer side than I plan for it to normally to be, since it’s been a while since I’ve shared with you: 

First, you might like to know the quote that I’m focusing on in 2021 is “pay more attention to the silence than the sounds.” It is from Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now. If you’ve been listening to me for a while, you already know I’m a huge fan of this book. I love it so much that I’m sharing my current read through with my TikTok audience - and it started this Monday - so if you want to join in, pick up the book. I’ll be posting reading assignments on Mondays; will go live later that day to discuss and will chat in the comments about it. So much fun!

ANYWAY, back to the quote: “pay more attention to the silence than the sounds,” in an effort to keep this at the forefront of my mind, I’m going to share anything new I observe in regards to that quote throughout the year with you. I’ve already imagined how it applies to my workplace, in conversations and to listening in general. I’ll update you on new lessons learned specific to this quote throughout the year!

00:03:26

My second “new thing,” is that outside of the quote above, I’m also focused on having a deep desire to enjoy the journey that is my life. Not to live in past moments - or to wait for the future but to have peace in every moment that moves me from one moment to the next. 

There are some things that I HAVE to do, such as go to work, do my taxes, and chores, and everything else should bring me peace, joy or move me forward in my life. If it doesn’t, then I’m tossing it. 

I’ve already started. I’ve made the decision to focus on ONE social media outlet for the start of 2021. My online home of choice is TikTok, right now, so if you are on Instagram wondering where I am - well, now you know. I’ve put in a solid two years on Instagram and it doesn’t bring me the joy that TikTok does.

That’s a funny thing to say at my age. 

But it sure is fun!

As always, I give myself permission to change my mind at any time, and if I feel happy to post something on another social media outlet, I will! BUT I won’t do it out of obligation that “since I have a podcast, I need to be in all the places.” 

Nah, I’m good with slower growth if that is what it means. 

I’ve ALSO let go of the GPS Support Flock - and spent much of the last six weeks re-evaluating everything that is Your Empty Nest Coach. I like where I’ve landed for the start of this year and you might like it too. 

00:04:58

High-level, I’ve created two years of content with my podcast, workshops, and flock offerings that I now, as time allows, will be transforming them into smaller workshops - $5 or less workshops. Seriously.

I’m all about helping you on your journey. And as I have time and as I feel led, I’ll continue to add more workshops. My first one has been posted and it is “Why Resolutions Don’t work and How to Get Your Goals to Stick” you can purchase it now for $5 - OR insider information - if you sign up for my free seven-lesson finding your future-self class, you’ll have an option to purchase that same workshop for only $2.50! I’m not kidding. I’m in the US, so these are USD prices. 

What all of these changes allow me to do is to focus on a handful of one-one one coaching clients per quarter. And I enjoy that one-on-one work tremendously. So, if you think you are interested in that - my first session is- actually already booked [giggle]  -so, you’re gonna need my second session starting February 1st and I have some crazy-low early bird pricing. When it is gone, it’s gone, so don’t hesitate if you’ve been considering working with me! 

I have the details on my website - actually currently it is still in a google doc - but I do have a link to a quiz there that you can take to see if you’d be ready for private coaching with me. 

00:06:28

And now we’re onto number three in what’s new: Well you’ve probably noticed, my podcast episode structure is new. I’m working on really making this my own AND I’d like to make it more yours as well. Please don’t hesitate to make a submission to any section of these podcast episodes via my google voice number, which you’ll find in my show notes. 

You’ll see I’m trying some new sections and guess what, I’ll keep the ones that I enjoy creating.

Fourth in What’s New: I more than likely won’t be posting a new podcast episode every Friday. I’m planning for every other week but with my new outlook on life, it might be every third week in one quarter and weekly in the next. And if I’m super busy with work, coaching and my family, I might take a month off. 

Don’t worry. I’m not leaving you entirely - just keeping my priorities straight and I have quite a backlog of episodes for you to listen to! 

Outside of these new things, I’ve been sent a few books that I might review at some point, but we shall see.

Oh, and guess who I take back to campus tomorrow. Yes, darling daughter - the advantages of a small college. Well, as of recording this she’s scheduled to go back - I’m having a bit of deja vu here - not that that surprises me. It’s been lovely having her home - we didn’t leave the house much at all and luckily this house of introverts are okay with that.

And that wraps up everything new here that is worth sharing. 

00:08:00

[computer game level up music (short)] 

Ask Coach Christine

I was asked this question on TikTok: How do u tell your crazy over obsessive mom you’re moving out at 19? 

And with that, I thought it would be nice to share my response which came in three parts - and could be a full podcast episode series, but with a one minute limitation per video, I had to be super choosy about what I shared. I also addressed it as focusing on any difficult conversation.

Here’s my response:

If you are labeling your mother (or another human that you are having a difficult conversation with) with words such as crazy or over-obsessed, those are words that you won’t want to go into the conversation with in your head because that’s going to already have you in a defensive mode.

You want to get to a point where you’re thinking of your parent - or the person you’re having the conversation with as whatever’s going on in their head, they’re trying to understand what you’re saying - they’re trying to see that you have already worked through the situation, that you have the answers to the questions that they ask, that you’ve already done the research. Go into the conversation assuming that they really want to be on your team - whether that is true or not doesn’t matter but you’re going to go into the conversation in a much better frame of mind to have the conversation.

00:09:19

Remember as you do this that no one likes difficult conversations - well maybe a select few love conflict but I’m certainly not one of them. Do your work ahead of time to figure out your why: what you’re doing and what your boundaries are in the conversation, and then when you state them, come to the conversation in love. Practice it, dictate it, write it, say it again - when you say it alone in your room and you get anxious and you start to think that when you say this they may yell at you or you feel they’re going to feel something that causes them to react a certain way, work through the thoughts that you have there. Change wording and remind yourself that if they get tense, it comes from concern and worry, and then work through it calmly.

If you can come to the conversation in love - in a place of love for you - you’re doing something lovingly for yourself to move forward in life and feed that (all that love for yourself) into the conversation through everything rather than getting angry or defensive, it will help. 

And, the final part of my answer may not be one parents want out there but it is the truth, so, here we go: 

I want to tell you now if you’ve never heard it before, you are not responsible for your parents’ emotions. They may tell you that they’re sad because of what you’ve done. That’s on them.

That is their emotional work to do. 

You are responsible for your choices in life: for the emotional work you do in your mind to move forward in a positive way to become who you are meant to be but you are not responsible for their reaction. We could have five families who have children in the same situation - it could be anything from an F on a test to they’re in jail and you could have/see five different emotional responses from those parents on that same situation. 

Again, their reaction and emotions are not on you - that’s them.

So, keep that in mind. Set your boundaries - I call it a fence. Keep that stuff outside of your fence. 

00:11:28

So there you go, a Coach Christine answer in under three minutes. 

If you have a question you want me to focus on in an upcoming episode, use that google voice number. And, of course, for this one, I knew it was someone who is already a legal adult. I had to go with the assumption that they are able to support themself on their own, understand the financial ramifications, medical insurance and such, and hopefully, if they don’t understand the life skills needed, the conversation with their parent (or other human) approached with love will help work those details out. 

00:12:01

[computer game level up music (short)] 

My Lessons Learned 

What have I learned recently? I’ve learned that just because you comment on my video doesn’t mean you have earned yourself a response from me. I do my best to respond to everyone but there are some that leave random comments that if they had watched more than one of my videos, they would have figured out the answer for themselves. I’ve decided that if someone can’t spend more than 30-seconds to a minute to get to know  me, then I certainly don’t need to spend my time responding to them. If you have a social media account, maybe that will help you, too!

00:12:35

[quirky music under segment]

Christine? Christine? Christine where are you? 

I honestly can’t remember if I shared about the documentary that I’m in or not. Well, if I did, here it is again. You’ll find it on Amazon Prime, and it is titled, “The Overly Emotional Child.” While geared toward parents with younger children, any parent will learn something in this guide for understanding child emotions and behavior and what you can do to improve both. 

I also recently was on the cover and included in the Living Day By Day Community Magazine - the January/February 2021 issue. So honored! 

Links to both will be in my show notes, and you’ll find all of my appearances listed on my Media & Press page.

00:13:21

[computer game level up music (short)]  

Celebrate You & Your Wins [sound] 

I’d like this section to be all about your wins, so submit yours today - yes, that Google voice number. We  also do this on Wednesday’s on TikTok. My win for the week is that I started working on this episode on Saturday and if it made it to anyone’s ears by Friday, that is a HUGE win because almost everything about this episode is new which meant a fair amount of behind the scenes editing for me. And this is no joke at this point because on Tuesday I woke up to find that two hours of my work is gone. So, if someone is listening to this the way I intended it, I’m going to celebrate and take the month off. I’m excited about the changes. Whether they stick or not doesn’t matter, it is all about leveling-up which sometimes means a do-over or two. I have a whole episode about leveling up - it’s number 35, if you want to check it out.  

00:14: 23

[computer game level up music (short)] 

What’s in your life’s toolbox? 

It’s so easy to get stuck on our go-to tools in our life’s toolbox - the things that allow us to reset, that bring us peace, that get us to the place where we can do the real work digging deeper in life. I’d love for you to share what you have in the top of your life’s toolbox so others may consider it. What hobby or task for you adds peace to your life and allows you to reset? 

For me, I love nature. Sometimes I go outside and lay on the ground. When the weather doesn’t permit, I’ll lay on the floor in the house and hope it does the job. As I age, though, getting up from the floor isn’t as easy as it used to be but that reset is lovely for me. Wondering what I’m talking about with the life’s toolbox? Check out episode #88!

00:15:15

[computer game level up music (short)] 

Let’s find the funny!

[giggles from others] 

This is another new section of my podcast where I share with you something that has made me laugh recently because I love to find the funny in things, and it feels so freaking good to laugh. I’m going to try my best not to make these all TikTok videos but the good news is you don’t need a TikTok account to view TikTok videos! 

So, this week, I am going to share a TikTok video that made me laugh out loud but the follow-up video is just as amusing. That being said I’ll post both links in my show notes - honestly, by now it may have made its way to prime time and Good Morning America and you may have already seen it but it is the photo that Kyle Scheele made for his father for Christmas using his photoshop skills. It is fabulous! Thanks for the chuckles Kyle! And if you, my listener, have something you think will make me laugh, please share it with me!

00:16:09

[computer game level up music (short)] 

What I Wish My Parents Knew

Another new section, and I’m actively looking for submissions. For now, I’ll share a comment I received on a video - the comment and thread for the comment has over 34 THOUSAND likes so I feel confident that this is something students want their parents to know, and I’ll summarize it from a few different comments. 

High-level, it is safe to say that many teenagers and young adults who are doing online classes at home - be it high school or college - they want their parents to know that taking care of their siblings, cleaning the house and all-the-things are tough to do while in school - online school does not mean they have the day off. 

So if you happen to have a student that’s been home since March doing online school, probably, they’re not very happy about it and if you’re expecting them to do a ton of other stuff - just keep in mind: would you ask them to do that if they were in school all day. 

There you go, that’s what they want parents to know.

00:17:08

[happy music (short)] 

Two Questions for You

Question 1:  What will you submit to an upcoming episode? 

and Question 2:  What new section (or sections) resonate with you the most? 

As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.

My HOPE is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.

If you enjoy this podcast please don’t forget to share it with others, it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. And of course, subscribe in your favorite podcast app!

Before I go, never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever forget that you are ah-mazing!

See ya!

0017:57

[bloopers]

00:18:15

Still listening? 

The Queen's Gambit. Did you love it? Have you watched it? We did and I loved it. If I had more free time, I’d be learning how to play chess. 

[end music]

[end]

122 – 127: Holiday/Winter Break Episodes 💚

122 - 127: Holiday/Winter Break Episodes 💚

Hello, my ah-mazing empty nest friend,

I hope 

  • You are wrapping up 2020 and heading into 2021 by managing your thought-box deliveries well
  • Your family is healthy and safe
  • You know (or are working) to know your future-self
  • You realize (or are beginning to realize) how powerful you are

I'll be adding resources and podcast episode players to this post for episodes in the remainder of the year. 

I have 121 prior episodes that are (mostly) in line with my usual format. Click here to view all of them, or head to the Search This Site menu at the top of this page and type in what you are looking for!

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"I am on a short break from my usual episodes until after the new year, but I didn’t want to leave you hanging, so I’ve prerecorded these quick episodes."

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

This Episode is Brought To You By

💚 Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

Last Full Episode Before The Break

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Music Used in Episode 122 from the Instagram Reel:

Music: Acoustic Guitar 1
Musician: music by audionautix.com

License: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/legalcode

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FULL TRANSCRIPT: 

Episodes 122 - 127 of the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast

EPISODE 122

[happy intro music]

00:00:00

Hi, It’s coach Christine. 

This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and I am on a short break from my usual episodes until after the new year, but I didn’t want to leave you hanging, so I’ve pre recorded these quick episodes.

This is the audio from my first Express Coaching Lesson on Instagram Reels. Yes, that means there is video to go with it. Check the show notes. Have a listen:

00:00:22

[acoustic guitar music under voiceover]

[doorbell] 

Realizing that my thoughts were optional was life changing for me. I like to think of them now, as thought-deliveries. When they show up in our mind, it is kind of like a house: we can keep the package, [knock at the door]sort it, or flat-out return to sender.

[end background music]

00:00:38

My last episode before break was 121, so if you are new here, I invite you to check it out. I’ll have a link to that episode in my show notes as well as anything else I have referenced.

Enjoy your time with your family, and if you have any questions, quick tips, thoughts,  or want to see all of my offerings, visit my website YourEmptyNestCoach.com. Of course, the flock is still flying and I may have some VIP Intensive Coaching spots still open. I invite you to check it all out - and don’t forget to enjoy yourself today. YOU ARE AMAZING! 

[outro music]

EPISODE 123

00:00:00

[happy intro music]

Hi, It’s coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and I am on a short break from my usual episodes until after the new year, but I didn’t want to leave you hanging, so I’ve pre-recorded these quick episodes.

This following is the audio from another Reel of mine - discussing the idea of sending a letter to your child which, you know, I really should do one of these days. Ha!

00:00:24

Excuse me, do you know that you can send something smaller to your child away from home? It’s called a letter. 

[speaking quickly]

Write something nice on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, slap an address and stamp on it, put it in the mailbox, and there you go. [pause]

No, no glitter. 

00:00:38

Have you found the funny recently? I love finding the funny in everything. It easily could be interpreted as I am not serious. Oh, my friend, my constant awareness of how short life can be is what motivates me to have fun.

My last full episode was #121, so if you are new here, I invite you to check it out. I’ll have a link to that episode in my show notes as well as anything else I have referenced.

I hope you are having fun, no matter the happenings in your life. Of course, the GPS Support Flock is still flying and I may have some VIP Intensive Coaching sessions available - be sure to check them out - you’ll find all of the info on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com! And don’t forget to find the funny, today. YOU ARE AMAZING! 

[happy exit music]

EPISODES 124

00:00:00

[happy intro music]

Hi, It’s Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and I am on a short break from my usual episodes until after the new year, but I didn’t want to leave you hanging, so I’ve pre-recorded these quick episodes.

The following is the audio from an Instagram Reel of mine - a message from your future-self.

00:00:20

Future you has a message for you, part 6. 

Yes, you have to celebrate the small stuff.

It’s what brings you closer to future-you. 

If you don’t know your future-self yet, you should get to know her. 

She’s amazing!

00:00:34

My last full episode was #121, so if you are new here, I invite you to check it out. I’ll have a link to that episode in my show notes as well as anything else I have referenced.

Enjoy your time with your family, and if you have any questions, quick tips, thoughts or want to see all of my offerings, visit my website YourEmptyNestCoach.com. Of course, the flock is still flying and you may want to get in on some VIP Intensive Coaching spots while they’re still open. I invite you to check it all out - and don’t forget to enjoy yourself today. YOU ARE AMAZING! 

[happy exit music]

EPISODE 125

00:00:00

[happy intro music]

Hi, it’s Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and I am on a short break from my usual episodes until after the new year, but I didn’t want to leave you hanging, so I’ve pre-recorded these quick episodes -  [record scratch sound] or, so I thought.

Funny story. I had all of the episodes recorded, and then my laptop died - we had to wipe it clean to get it working again. I was relieved when I discovered that, thankfully, I had uploaded all of my recorded episodes to my google drive before that happened. But, guess what, as I went to upload today’s episode - that one was gone: nowhere to be found. 

So, I guess I missed one. Yeah, I said a couple of well-placed curse words, but my body was pretty calm, and my recovery emotionally was quick - even for me. 

00:00:49

I quickly thought, “well, I lost my audacity project files, too,” so this is a chance to get a head start on that. If you don’t know what that means, that’s okay; that comment was for my podcasting friends. 

So, this rogue episode in the midst of the other pre-recorded episodes can serve as a mile marker. 

I’m restructuring all of my offerings - yes, even the flock that I say is still flying - [whispers] it’s not flying right now. This break has provided some much-needed clarity on all things your empty nest coach. 

I hope you are able to get the reset you need this holiday season. Sometimes we choose the reset, like my planned short episodes - and sometimes, it is forced upon us - like my laptop. Either way, remember that by fighting the “what is,” you may not allow yourself to move forward - you probably won’t at all. Understand, see what is, and enjoy the journey to what will be. Be kind to yourself, be patient with yourself, and gift yourself and your loved ones with a tremendous amount of love.

00:01:48

My last full episode was #121, so if you are new here, I invite you to check it out. I’ll have a link to that episode in my show notes. You’ll find information on all of my current offerings and how to work with me on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com! 

Resets are what you make them - beginning with what you think they are. Remember, my beautiful friend, that YOU ARE AMAZING! 

[happy exit music]

EPISODE 126

00:00:00

[happy intro music]

Hi, It’s coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and I am on a short break from my usual episodes until after the new year, but I didn’t want to leave you hanging, so I’ve pre-recorded these quick episodes.

00:00:13

A quick reminder that your life is a journey. Sometimes, the moments that don’t go [as] expected are the eye-opening, life-changing moments. Appreciate them for what they are, and adjust going forward. I hope this day is one that brings you love, peace and hope for the future, my friend. 

00:00:34

My last full episode was #121, so if you are new here, I invite you to check it out. I’ll have a link to that episode in my show notes as well as anything else I have referenced.

A reminder that the GPS Support Flock is still flying (yes, even over the holidays) and I may have some VIP Intensive Coaching sessions available  - be sure to check them out - you’ll find all of the info on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com! 

Don’t forget in the midst of the routine’s of your life that YOU ARE AMAZING!

[happy exit music]

EPISODE 127

00:00:00

[happy intro music]

Hi, It’s coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and I am currently on a short break. This is my last episode in the short break series. I didn’t want to leave you hanging, so I’ve pre recorded these quick episodes.

00:00:16

Happy New Year, my future empty nest friend, and CEO of Your Life - Yes, that stands for Conscious Effective Olympian around here. I had a frustrating experience, recently. It was so incredibly frustrating that it took me two weeks for me to train my protector enough to tell some others about it, and even then, I could feel my protector wanting to take over. It was a huge ego strike - I totally knew it. 

00:00:40

In relation to something else for my daughter, my dear friend, Beth Flint, and my editor , “Hi, Beth,” [giggle] said, “Have her practice this statement, and use it when necessary:

I may be a woman, I may be ____(something here, like blonde), I may be ___years old, but I am not stupid.

00:01:02

So, for me: I may be a woman, I may be blonde, I may be 49 years old, but I’m not stupid.

I LOVE this. Definitely used sparingly, and at the right time, it is a fantastic reminder to others. 

00:01:18

Sometimes we are overlooked due to our age, our gender, our marital status, our eating habits, our race, our politics, our hair color, our job title or any other huge or small thing that another human decides to (knowingly or not) make assumptions about us. 

Sometimes (not always), those said humans have no idea they are making those assumptions - yes, unconscious bias in all forms. 

00:01:45

I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to use this statement and I know just the place to use it when the timing is right. 

So thank you, Beth.

And for you, my listener, happy 2021. May this year bring you positive experiences and surprises that you never could have dreamed of. I’m cheering you on!

00:02:07

My last full episode was #121. If you are new here, I invite you to check it out. I’ll have a link to that episode in my show notes as well as anything else I have referenced. I’m scheduled to be back to my regular episodes next week!

A reminder that yes, the GPS Support Flock is still flying (even over the holidays) and I may have some VIP Intensive Coaching sessions available  - be sure to check them out - you’ll find all of the info on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com! 

Again, my friend, Happy New Year. YOU ARE AMAZING! 

[happy exit music]

121: A Motherhood Memory Book and The Rest of 2020

121: A Motherhood Memory Book and The Rest of 2020

Hello, my ah-mazing empty nest friend,

When this episode goes live, I'll be in my car, traveling to see my daughter's senior art show, and then will bring her home for winter break a couple of days later. Honestly, when she headed off to campus, I did not have high expectations that her school would continue on-campus through Thanksgiving. It is nice to have a pleasant surprise in 2020 - one that requires no major thought work.  

In this episode, I mention the idea of a motherhood memory book and share my podcast plans for the remainder of 2020. 

Be sure to subscribe to my podcast in your favorite podcast player, if you haven't already, as that is the best way to be notified of new episodes. 

I have a feeling I'll be most active on TikTok and then Instagram over the holidays, so I also invite you to follow me there. 

Enjoy time with your family this holiday season, my empty nest friend, and remember that you are amazing!

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"... what if we were to create a Motherhood Memory Book that allows us to capture large lessons learned, or celebrate accomplishments that aren’t just our child’s sporting event, scholarship honor, first steps?  Those sorts of things.  What if we created our own Motherhood Memory Book?  Our memories, our lessons learned."

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

🎙The podcast episode in which I mention a motherhood memory book. 💚#EmptyNestSyndrome  #EmptyNest  #Podcast #EmptyNestMom #Motherhood #Memories



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What You Will Learn in this Episode 

  • To Consider Creating a Motherhood Memory Book 
  • To Consider Your Accomplishments or Top Moments Over the Last 18 or so Years
  • My Top Moments
  • How I'll Post Episodes for the Remainder of 2020

Episode Questions for You To Consider

  1. What do you think about the motherhood memory book idea?
  2. Are you following me on Instagram yet? 

💚Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

First Time Here? Try This Order of Episodes

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FULL TRANSCRIPT: 

Episode 121 of the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast

00:00:00

Christine:  Hi, it’s Coach Christine.  This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast and this is episode number 121.  If you are new here, know that I tend to use terms I’ve introduced in prior episodes.  Should you feel a bit lost, use my show notes for best places to begin.  In this episode, I share a thought about creating a motherhood memory book and I explain what the episodes for the remainder of 2020 will look like.  I work with mothers of high school students and beyond, who are in the trenches with sad and possibly, overwhelming thoughts about what their life will look like when their baby heads to college and begins to leave the nest.  My clients’ big question is what will I do with my time?  Is this you?  I’ve been there, and I get it.  Empowering you to write the next jaw-dropping, amazing chapter in your life is my passion.  I am energized by leading you in the process of exploration and am thrilled when you unlock the power that lies within you.  This podcast is my gift to you.

00:01:04

Hello, my future empty nest friend and Conscious Effective Olympian, or CEO of your life!  You are doing a great job.  Keep going.  You may not be receiving daily thank you notes or flower bouquets, but the work, whatever that is for you, in your life, is worth it.  Go, you!  Show notes for this episode have links to anything I discuss that is linkable, and of course, you’ll find all sorts of fun stuff, and ways to work with me on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com.  If you enjoy this episode, I invite you to subscribe to this podcast, and to consider joining the GPS Support Flock. What is that? I’m so glad you asked; take a listen.

00:01:44

Thanks!  Thank you!  It’s time to thank our sponsor.  This episode is sponsored by my membership community, The GPS Support Flock; Your Flight to Success in the Empty Nest.  If you are ready to find the GPS of your life, sign up to receive an immediate and free download of my PDF, "How to Find Yourself in the Empty Nest," our GPS Life Principles document.  You will also have the opportunity to learn about our community.  See the link in this episode's show notes or fly on over to my website, YourEmptyNestCoach.com.  Click the GPS Support Flock button.  See you soon!

00:02:30

I had this thought about scrapbooks or memory books, which is pretty funny because I’ve never been a big scrapbooker in the traditional sense.  I was a tad overboard when my daughter was young, but even that was in a different way.  I knew I wasn’t sending her to preschool, so I felt I needed to document more, and then it continued in early elementary school, and then, yeah, I got lazy.  Anyway, I was thinking about how we have scrapbooks for times in our lives. For me, it feels like it’s mostly moments.  As mothers, we tend to make a baby album for our first child.  I know it’s common that by the third child that concept disappears, and I totally get it.  But we’ll also have scrapbooks maybe for a year, for birthdays, or vacations.

00:03:13

Yes, while that all represents part of our life, what if we were to create a Motherhood Memory Book that allows us to capture large lessons learned, or celebrate accomplishments that aren’t just our child’s sporting event, scholarship honor, first steps?  Those sorts of things.  What if we created our own Motherhood Memory Book?  Our memories, our lessons learned.  So what if?  

To start, try to find 3 - 5 moments in your journey as a mother that changed your thinking, that opened your eyes, or taught you something.

00:04:03

Let me tell you the first three things that came to mind for me.  The day that my daughter graduated high school, and for me, it wasn’t about her graduation (sorry, honey), as much as it was for all that I accomplished, despite so many people nay-saying our journey along the way.  It wasn’t the moment she was in her cap and gown.  It was the moment we left her homeschool evaluator’s home, got in the car, and sitting in the driveway, I knew we had made it to this milestone.  That my belief and trust in what was right for our daughter proved to be true, even if the moment hits you when you are parked in a car, in a driveway.  

00:04:36

The second thing I thought of, and I’m not even sure what photo I would put this, but there definitely was a moment when my daughter was quite young, that the epiphany of my parents being just as clueless as I felt in that moment, hit me.  It is so easy when you look back at life, or as you go through life when you’re a teenager, to think my parents this or my parents that, but when you realize we are all making it up as we go, navigating life out of the experiences we have had to date, and seeing your parents in a new way, it’s impactful.

00:05:06

The third thing I came up with was, I’d have to say my husband’s cancer diagnosis.  Weird right?  But we gained knowledge about ourselves as a small family, and about others through his diagnosis and treatments.  It gave me an appreciation for life in a way that I otherwise may be oblivious to.  Life is short, we have no guarantees and each day is a gift.  Having to look at it when you have a young child, also puts an imprint on your life that isn’t easily forgotten.

00:05:33

So, what I’m thinking is this whole Motherhood Memory Book idea would be a gift to yourself, to commemorate you, to celebrate you.  Maybe you started a business.  Yes, I’d put that in there.  Maybe you navigated so many years at home as the primary caregiver, and you were taking care of your parents.  Maybe you managed to go back to college while you were doing all this.  What are things, when you look back, you’re really proud of, that you, you have done?  What would you want the next generation to know about you?  I think that becomes really powerful.

00:06:09

Imagine this as a beautiful celebratory gift to yourself, whether it’s a scrapbook or an online photo book that you create.  Call it your graduation book.  Graduating into the next chapter of your life.  I’ve started an online store; I’ll put a link in the show notes if I still have it going.  I’m testing it out right now.  But maybe there, we could create graduating class pins or mugs for us.  You know, we’re graduating into the next stage of our life.  Which feels better, graduating out or graduating into something?  I guess that depends on you, huh?  If you like this idea and do something with it, let me know.  If you are thinking, “well, that sounds like a lot of work Christine,” then yeah, I wouldn’t bother.  But it could be a fun small group project, couldn’t it?  Well, if you want in on something like that, let me know.  Imagine having it to capture your highlight reel and then being able to share it with generations to come.

00:07:09

Before I wrap this episode up, I want to share with you that for the remainder of 2020, I’ll be taking a bit of a break.  I’ll post super quick episodes each Friday.  They’ve all been recorded.  I’ll be focusing on spending time with the family over the holidays.  I plan to return in 2021 with my typical episodes.  Over these weeks, I am, however, in the GPS Support Flock, so if you need support, I invite you to join me there.  Enjoy my quick episodes over the next few weeks.  Enjoy your family.  Be present.  Watch your thought-deliveries, and continue to be amazing! 

[Music]

00:07:40

The questions I have for you in this episode are, one, what do you think about the Motherhood Memory Book idea?  Two, are you following me on Instagram yet?  Yes, I’m going to keep asking you that periodically.  As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.  My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.  If you enjoy this podcast don’t forget to share it with others, it is the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience, and subscribe, too.  It’s free.  Thanks!  And, never, ever, ever forget that you are amazing!

[Bloopers]

00:08:53

Still listening?  Wow, you are about to have a six week break from my bloopers, my extra promo audios and my still listening sections.  Is that a good thing?  Have fun!

[Music]

[End]

120: How to Avoid Empty Nest Syndrome

120: How to Avoid Empty Nest Syndrome

Hello, my ah-mazing empty nest friend,

I have the quick answer and the long answer in this episode. 💚

Enjoy!

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"You get to call this next chapter of your life whatever you want: An adventure, a creative process, or a discovery. And don't feel limited by what I come up with. What ideas do you have?"

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

🎙The podcast episode in which I talk about the possibility of avoiding empty nest syndrome. 💚#EmptyNestSyndrome  #EmptyNest  #Podcast #EmptyNestMom #EmptyNestHelp



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This Episode is Brought To You By

What You Will Learn in this Episode 

  • What Coach Christine's Thoughts are on Avoiding Empty Nest Syndrome
  • New Words to Use for The Next Chapter in Your Life
  • My High-Level Thoughts on Moving Forward in These Years
  • What Support Options I Have For You

Episode Questions for You To Consider

  1. Have you experienced empty nest syndrome? 
  2. Do you think it is avoidable?

💚 Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

First Time Here? Try This Order of Episodes

Subscribe To This Podcast

It is FREE!

Want to get notified of new episodes directly on your phone? Subscribe to this podcast using your favorite app!

FULL TRANSCRIPT: 

Episode 120 of the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, it’s Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it is the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast and this is episode 120.  If you are new here, know that I tend to use terms I’ve introduced in prior episodes.  Should you feel a bit lost, use my show notes for best places to begin.  In this episode, we are going to consider the statement “how to avoid empty nest syndrome.”  I work with mothers of high school students and beyond, who are in the trenches with sad and possibly, overwhelming thoughts about what their life will look like when their baby heads to college and begins to leave the nest.  My clients’ big question is what will I do with my time?  Is this you?  I’ve been there, and I get it.  Empowering you to write the next jaw-dropping, amazing chapter in your life is my passion.  I am energized by leading you in the process of exploration and am thrilled when you unlock the power that lies within you.  This podcast is my gift to you.

00:01:00

Hello, my future empty nest friend and Conscious Effective Olympian, or CEO of your life!  Wanting to avoid the empty nest syndrome?  What?  Okay, we’ll get started in a moment.  Show notes for this episode have links to anything I discuss that is linkable, and of course, you’ll find all sorts of fun stuff, and ways to work with me on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com.  If you enjoy this episode, I invite you to subscribe to this podcast, and to consider joining the GPS Support Flock.  What is that?  I’m so glad you asked; take a listen.

00:01:33

Thanks!  Thank you!  It’s time to thank our sponsor.  This episode is sponsored by my membership community, The GPS Support Flock; Your Flight to Success in the Empty Nest.  If you are ready to find the GPS of your life, sign up to receive an immediate and free download of my PDF, "How to Find Yourself in the Empty Nest," our GPS Life Principles document.  You will also have the opportunity to learn about our community.  See the link in this episode's show notes or fly on over to my website, YourEmptyNestCoach.com.  Click the GPS Support Flock button.  See you soon! 

00:02:21

How to avoid empty nest syndrome.  All right, this is another topic that could be super quick and I could just say if you’ve been listening to me for a while, you already know that empty nest syndrome isn’t a clinical diagnosis, so you can simply call it something else and voilá, you are no longer are in empty nest syndrome.  I know, I know, it isn’t that easy.  Well, if you’ve cleared out your thoughts a ton, trained your Protector and are managing those thought-deliveries, it might not be as difficult as you think.  You do get to call this next chapter of your life whatever you want; an adventure, a creative process, a discovery. 

 

00:03:03

Don’t feel limited by what I come up with.  What ideas do you have?  In front of you, you have the opportunity to create your life’s next masterpiece.  I want you to be the superhero of your own life.  To be the CEO, the Conscious Effective Olympian of your life as you move forward.  So the short answer is we end there.  Call it something else, something that makes you feel good and that you believe and be done with it.

 

00:03:32

There’s a bit of a longer answer though and that’s to head back to episode number 3 of my podcast and do some listening.  The high-level of that, I will encourage you to learn to be present in your life, to begin to notice the thoughts that enter your mind, to notice your emotions and to begin to lean into them rather than to run away from them.  Or you can ignore them, shove them down deep somewhere and they’ll wait to pop up when you least expect it.  I’ll introduce you to the idea that you have a Protector of your mind (some call this concept Ego), and I’ll challenge you to stop letting them run the show of your life.  For you to train them, so that they serve you well rather than boss you around. 

 

00:04:11

This is your time to claim you.  This is your time to claim who you are moving forward.  How do you avoid empty nest syndrome? 

If you googled this topic and you’ve come across this podcast episode, you’re probably either already in it or you’re feeling like you’re headed that way, so you have the opportunity now to get a head start.  Consider what you call it.  Realize that those thoughts that you have are optional and if, when you say, “I have empty nest syndrome,” and you notice that it makes you feel lousy, then let’s let’s get a piece of paper out, let’s write down what you think.  Let’s think about different ways to call this stage of your life, so that you feel good about it.

 

00:04:51

I could give you 50 different ways, but I might not necessarily give you the one that resonates with you.  This is your journey, and you’ll have to do some work.  I encourage you early to rely on yourself a bit more than me.  I guide you to finding her because in the end, you know yourself better than anyone.  Of course, I am here as a resource.  You may listen to my podcast episodes, if this is resonating with you.  If you need a bit more support and want some guided resources, consider joining the GPS support flock.

 

00:05:23 

To recap, your experience is your experience.  Your thoughts that you have in your mind have a lot to do with your experience.  Your prior experiences impact your thoughts, and if you are never in tune with noticing your thoughts, you may sit in empty nest syndrome for a really long time, or another stage of your life for longer than you need to.  Do you wanna avoid it?  I don’t know about you, but looking back, it’s been an incredible gift for me, noticing that I was entering it, processing through it, and doing the work to become who I see in the future.  I want that for you. 

 

00:06:01

You’ve taken the first step; noticing you are in this stage of your life, or headed towards it.  Your next step is to figure out how to enjoy the journey through the transition.  When you avoid things, you miss out on experiences; experiences that are lovely, experiences that may be painful, but ultimately, experiences that allow you grow into who you are meant to be.  I know amazing things are in store for you, so I say, dive in, get to work, enjoy the journey and be more than you ever thought you could. 

[Music]

00:06:36

The questions I have for you in this episode are, one, have you experienced empty nest syndrome?  Two, do you think it’s avoidable?  As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.  My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.  My next episode’s title is: A Motherhood Memory Book & The Rest of 2020.  Don’t forget to subscribe to this podcast if you like it.  It’s free after all.  And always, always, always, always remember that you are amazing!

[Bloopers]

00:07:45

Still listening?  I’m recording this in October, and realizing that when this episode comes out, actually, and the last one, our new president should have been elected.  Well, it’s 2020, maybe something’s up in the air.  Who knows?  Either way, no matter where we end up, and which way you voted, know that it is okay to feel excited, disappointed, scared, angry.  Notice those emotions.  Check your thoughts.  Ask if they are true and work on your presence.  What can you do in this moment, this moment right now, right here, to change it?  If the answer is nothing, be present and be the best you in your life’s circle of influence.  There is more power in that than you may ever know. 

[Music]

[End]

119: Let’s Talk About Divorce in the Empty Nest: Does the Empty Nest Cause Divorce?

119: Let's Talk About Divorce in the Empty Nest: Does the Empty Nest Cause Divorce?

Hello, my ah-mazing empty nest friend,

This topic seems to be either a big part of your life or is a taboo topic in what I've witnessed. I haven't run into many humans in my age range that comfortably discuss divorce - except for a fab podcaster I mention in this episode. Even when a divorce doesn't personally impact someone, the discomfort is almost always visible when divorce is mentioned in a conversation. 

Somehow, this is surprising in 2020, despite the level of surprises in 2020.

Divorce is a word. We choose how much power we allow the WORD to have in our life. If you are in the process of a divorce, outside of the financial and legal implications (I can't speak to those), you do have the opportunity to move forward in a way that will serve you well - or not. 

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"Life is a beautiful mess. Make it YOUR beautiful mess and create a masterpiece going forward. You get to decide who you’ll be. Don’t think for a moment that you are defined by divorce. You are more than divorce. You are amazing you, who happened to have experienced a divorce."

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

🎙The podcast episode in which I talk about the "d" word - divorce 💚 #GrayDivorce #GreyDivorce #EmptyNestDivorce #EmptyNest  #Podcast #EmptyNestMom #EmptyNestSyndrome 



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This Episode is Brought To You By

What You Will Learn in this Episode 

  • To Consider Love in a Divorce
  • To Remember to Choose Thoughts that Provide You with A Positive Energy in Your Life
  • Acceptance Allows You To Move Forward

Episode Questions for You To Consider

  1. Have you ever considered divorce?
  2. What do you make divorce mean for yourself or others?

💚 Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

First Time Here? Try This Order of Episodes

Episode Resources

Subscribe To This Podcast

It is FREE!

Want to get notified of new episodes directly on your phone? Subscribe to this podcast using your favorite app!

FULL TRANSCRIPT: 

Episode 119 of the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast

00:00:00

Christine:  Hi, it’s Coach Christine.  This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast and this is episode number 119.  If you are new here, know that I tend to use terms I’ve introduced in prior episodes.  Should you feel a bit lost, use my show notes for best places to begin.  In this episode, Let's Talk About Divorce in the Empty Nest: Does the Empty Nest Cause Divorce?

00:00:28

I work with mothers of high school students and beyond, who are in the trenches with sad and possibly, overwhelming thoughts about what their life will look like when their baby heads to college and begins to leave the nest.  My clients’ big question is what will I do with my time?  Is this you?  I’ve been there, and I get it.  Empowering you to write the next jaw-dropping, amazing chapter in your life is my passion.  I am energized by leading you in the process of exploration and am thrilled when you unlock the power that lies within you.  This podcast is my gift to you.

00:01:01

Hello, my future empty nest friend and Conscious Effective Olympian, or CEO, of your life!  Are you feeling like the superhero of your life yet?  I sure hope so.  No one should feel like anything other than the leading character of your own life, and why not be a superhero?  Show notes for this episode have links to anything I discuss that is linkable, and of course, you’ll find all sorts of fun stuff, and ways to work with me on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com.  If you enjoy this episode, I invite you to subscribe to this podcast, and to consider joining the GPS Support Flock.  What is that?  I’m so glad you asked; take a listen.

00:01:44

Thanks!  Thank you!  It’s time to thank our sponsor.  This episode is sponsored by my membership community, The GPS Support Flock; Your Flight to Success in the Empty Nest.  If you are ready to find the GPS of your life, sign up to receive an immediate and free download of my PDF, "How to Find Yourself in the Empty Nest," our GPS Life Principles document.  You will also have the opportunity to learn about our community.  See the link in this episode's show notes or fly on over to my website, YourEmptyNestCoach.com.  Click the GPS Support Flock button.  See you soon!   

00:02:29

I had an earlier episode about does the empty nest cause anxiety and the concept is similar to this.  The empty nest gifts us with new opportunities to look at parts of our life that we may have easily been ignoring, or too busy to notice.  I can’t imagine it’s often the actual event of entering the empty nest is what causes a divorce.  What happens is the empty nest shines a light on things that are already there, uncovers them in a way.  A divorce that happens after a long-term marriage, 20 or more years, has garnered the name gray divorce.  You know me, I like to do an internet search to find what comes up and you know what I found? 

00:03:17 

Financial Planners and Divorce Attorneys have claimed many of the top spots, so when you search things online be sure to check who has authored the articles.  The other topic that, interestingly enough, earned more than five spots of the search results were articles about Jennifer Grey divorcing Clark Gregg after 19 years of marriage.  Now my guess is Jennifer’s last name of Grey plays into that, with it also being a gray marriage.  But still is this what people find first when they begin to look for help in this area?  Wow.

00:03:44

I spent a solid 20 minutes laughing over the images I found on one site.  Their idea of what 50 years and older looks like was clearly more like 85 or 90 years old.  I mean, I’m 49.  Is this what you think 50- or 60-, or even 70-year old looks like?  Please, rethink this.  Maybe it needs to have a different name.  I’m sure there are people who have been married 20 years, getting a divorce, that are younger than 50.  What about mature divorce?  What do you think?  Well, I’m kind of straying here.  Let’s get back to our topic.

00:04:17

I did find a paper at Bowling Green State University.  In it, it states, “... the divorce rate for couples aged 50 and older has doubled since 1990, and it has more than doubled for married individuals aged 65 and older.  An older college graduate, even one in a first marriage, faces essentially the same risk of divorce as the older high school graduate.  And, Brown and Lin, authors, point out, more than 55 percent of gray divorces involve couples who were married for more than 20 years.”  I share this with you not to freak you out, if you are married, but let’s be real, it’s something that happens to marriages, and if it may happen to you, if it is happening to you, I want you to know that you aren’t alone.

00:05:03

If you get to the empty nest and begin to consider divorce, whether you’re considering it, whether your partner is considering it, or you’re both considering it, if you are the CEO of your life, the Conscious Effective Olympian, you’ll be able to sort through your thought-deliveries out enough to look at your partner and know that you want to love them for who they are.   That’s your job, nothing else.  Their job is not to make you happy.  I mean, it’s painful to think about, but if you want them to be happy, and they want a divorce, you want them to do what will make them happy.  Let’s jump for a moment and imagine that you had always planned for your child to go to a local college, or to live 30 minutes from you, and one day they announce that they are moving 400 miles away for the perfect opportunity, whether it’s college or work.  Of course, there is a level of heart-brokenness because you weren’t expecting this, but when you see it makes sense for them, you get on board, even if it’s reluctantly at first.  Why?  Because you love them and you know this is the right thing for them.  

00:06:09

Okay, now, imagine your partner, who you love dearly, announces they aren’t happy.  That they want a divorce and they give you their reasons why.  I would imagine you’d be heart-broken, but their reasons are their reasons.  You can make them mean whatever you want to.  They may choose statements that blame you.  You have the option to accept those in your mind or not.  They may simply say they aren’t happy and don’t want to try anymore.  If they don’t want to try, do you want to force you both to be in this relationship?

00:06:42

Things to think about.  And since I don’t know your particular circumstances, I’ll leave it there, but be careful that you are cognizant of the thought-deliveries that you allow in your mind going forward.  Make sure that once you process through your emotions, that you choose thought-deliveries that put you in a positive energy moving forward in your life.  I also want to remind you that it is important, if the divorce is happening or has happened, to accept it.  When you resist what is, you never get to move forward.  When you resist it, you continue to force yourself into reliving the divorce feelings over and over and over.  I’d much rather see you accept it, spend time mourning the loss, go through the anger, figuring out how to navigate this with your children, because I don’t care how old they are, they will be impacted, and move forward.  This is your life.  What do you want your story to be as you move forward?

00:07:42

Please also gift yourself with grace and an abundance of patience, because if you are in the midst of an empty nest transition and a divorce, you have two losses at once.  It is a lot.  Know you are strong enough to handle it, but you have to gift yourself with grace and time to process it all.  You have options, you always do.  You can blame your ex.  How does that make you feel?  You are the person you get to be moving forward, so get to know yourself.  Let’s figure out who you are in the future and look to them for guidance.  More than likely they’ll put the way you are feeling in this moment in perspective, and remind you that you are worth being with someone who wants to be married to you, or remind you that if you are the one who made the decision, that you get to live the life you want. 

00:08:37

The better you get to know yourself now through this journey, the better your years ahead will be.  Honor your true self.  Find out who you are outside of the marriage.  This is all information I would share with anyone, whether it’s divorce, or whether it’s loss of a child or a parent, there are no guarantees in life.  There’s no guarantee I’m going to wake up tomorrow morning.  There’s no guarantee that my house is still going to be standing 10 years from now.  There’s no guarantee that my husband and I will both have our jobs in two weeks.  There’s no guarantee that we’re going to be married till our dying days, or one of our dying days.  There’s no guarantee that we won’t be homeless in our future.  There’s no guarantee that we will stay healthy for the next 10, 20, 30, 40 years.

00:09:25

My beautiful friend, there are things we cannot control and when you get to a point where you are able to accept the lousy things, painful things, as well as the amazing things, this is where you start to become the Conscious Effective Olympian, the CEO of your life.  Life is a beautiful mess. Make it your beautiful mess and create a masterpiece going forward.  You get to decide who you’ll be.  Don’t think for a moment that you are defined by divorce.  You are more than being divorced.  You are amazing you, you happened to have experienced a divorce.  Sure, people may treat you differently.  That’s about them, not you. And you’ll figure out who your real circle is.  It could be devastating or a beautiful gift.  The thought about it is up to you. 

00:10:20

In the end, this is all CEO of your life stuff.  It will allow you to have power in your life moving forward.  I want you to be the CEO of your life.  As I said before, be the superhero of your own life.  Write your own story that is freaking amazing, divorce or no divorce, you’ve got this my friend.  All this being said, I hope it helps.  But to be transparent, I am not divorced, as I discussed, you know, there’s no guarantees.  But I want to share with you a resource, the Doing Divorce Right podcast with Jennifer Hurvits.  If you have the “D” word in your vocabulary, definitely check it out.  You can download her episodes wherever you listen to podcasts.  You can find her on instagram @doingdivorceright.  She always makes me laugh there.  Yes, I follow her and I’m married.  Gasp!  Jennifer also has a Facebook group, offers a free 30-minute coaching consultant call and so much more.  Head to her website for all the details, and of course, you’ll find links in my shownotes.  I would love for you to check out her resources, and definitely, let her know I sent you.  I’m always here to help you no matter the situation, empty nester or not, divorce or not.  I truly believe that diversity in experiences and perspectives makes us stronger.  So please don’t ever think for a moment that because I’m not divorced, you wouldn’t be welcome in my online spaces, or because I have one child and you have five, that we’ll never understand each other.  Maybe not right away, but we’ll make each other stronger, I guarantee it.

00:11:56

I also want to leave you with this.  I feel like someone needs to hear this.  If you’re in a place where you weren’t the one who wanted the divorce, I want you to know that there are married women who wish they were.  They want the freedom. They’ve told me.  So, divorced or married, the grass is always greener on the other side.  Your thoughts about the grass that you have has more to do with your life than the actual grass.  Take your power back by accepting and moving forward.  Let's show this world what you are made of.  Divorce is a word, let’s not give it a power to control your life.  It doesn’t need to mean failure, it can mean a new beginning.  You get to choose.

00:12:38

I couldn’t possibly address legal, financial and other impacts of your life in a divorce in this episode, so I think starting with Jennifer’s podcast will be a great start and branch out from there.  If you find other resources that are worth sharing with others, please let me know.  Divorced or not, you are always welcome in the GPS Support FLock. 

00:12:59

The questions I have for you in this episode are, one, have you ever considered divorce?  You don’t have to answer that outloud.  But seriously, and if you’re afraid to even think about it, explore why.  Number two, what do you make divorce mean for yourself and others?  As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.  My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.  My next episode’s title is: How to Avoid Empty Nest Syndrome.  If you enjoyed this podcast don’t forget to share it with others, it is the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience, and subscribe, too, it’s free.  Thanks!  And, divorce or not, my empty nest friend, you are amazing!

[Bloopers]

00:14:24

Still listening?  Not thinking about divorce at all but want to see where your partner lands?  Do some research on divorce on the internet.  I had about ten tabs up, and then explained to my husband the why.  I think having the courage to share that you’re visiting the sites, and seeing what comes out of it is always worth experiencing.  Think about it.  Considering divorce is powerful.  Knowing you both choose not to get a divorce, feels a lot better than always wondering if maybe you are.  And what are the reasons why you choose not to?  Are those reasons you can live with moving forward?  Accepting what is, rather than hiding from it, will always make you stronger, even if you need to work through painful emotions to get there.  Have courage. 

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