160: Empty Nest Success – Give Your Child Space and Reaching Parenting Goals💚

160: Empty Nest Success - Give Your Child Space and Reaching Parenting Goals💚

Hello, my amazing friend. 👋

Inspiration versus Motivation: it has been on my mind in all areas of my life.

In this episode, I share the idea of giving your child(ren) space to be inspired.

As I listened back to the episode, "inspirational parenting" came to mind to sum this up. 

However, how I explain those two words here and what first comes to mind for you may be vastly different. I'd love to know your thoughts!

As always, I'm cheering you on! 🎉

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"Give your children the space to be inspired to have a relationship with you: wouldn’t all of us much rather be with people who love us for who we are rather than remind us who we aren’t?"

Listen now or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

🔽 More goodies are below, too! Please scroll down 🔽to see them all! 🔽 🔽 🔽 

Empty Nest Success - inspirational parenting? This may not be what you had in mind. 🤔More in episode 160 of the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast 🎙️ #emptynest #life #emptynestsuccess #inspirationalparenting #parenting 

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This Episode is Brought To You By

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:00 Podcast intro
  • 01:19  Quick Reminders
  • 01:57  My Wish For You Today - Wisdom from Within
  • 03:57  New Things: Repairs, and more repairs - a new thing I love
  • 04:45 My Lessons Learned: Inspired vs. Motivational parenting
  • 10:58 Ask Coach Christine: I've Always Wanted to Be a Mother - Now What?
  • 12:03 Christine, Where Are You? BabyBoomer.org
  • 13:07  What's In Your Life's Toolbox? Standup Comedy
  • 14:09  Two Questions For You
  • bloopers 😆
  • 15:38 Still listening? 

Episode Questions For You To Consider

  1. Was being a parent what you always wanted to do?
  2. Do you allow your child - or children - the space to be inspired into a relationship with you?

💚Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

First Time Here? Try This Order of Episodes

Episode Resources

* affiliate link to SupaPass - which powers our community! Should you purchase using the link, I make a commission.

You are preparing for the empty nest ahead as your child(ren) prepares, heads off to, and experiences college (or not college) and life.

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The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 160

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #160. If this isn't your first time listening and you want to skip the introduction portion feel free to tap forward a couple of times. In this podcast, I focus on helping parents who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though; all are welcome here, as I’m focused on coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life, and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up

[level-up music]

your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.

I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. 

Here we go..

[up beat music]

00:00:50

This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.

00:1:19

Before we dive in -a special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass. SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. Register today for a free account to unlock a sampling of those resources -  head over to  EmptyNestSuccess.com - where you may also support this podcast, join the C.E.O. Training Team, or purchase other premium content.

Want to know more about the C.E.O. Training team? I’ll share more at the tail end of this episode. 

If you are looking for something specific or would like to hop around within this episode, you’ll find time markers in the show notes.

00:01:57

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Wish for You Today

My wish for you today is that you realize the power you have within yourself. For example, take a moment to think of the you of ten years ago. Remember a happening in your life where you were stressed out and wondering how things were going to play out. Do you have it? Now jump to you of today, being you of many years later, what would you want to tell that amazing younger version of yourself? 

Feel free to pause here while you think about it. 

So I ask you, would you say something to your younger self that is encouraging - for example: “I know this feels like the end of the world right now. That is valid. You can work through that emotion, and also, I want you to know that you will manage through this, and you will look back on this one day and know you did it. I’m so thankful you are taking the steps you are taking right now but don’t forget to breathe, don’t forget to have some fun, don’t forget who you are, and don’t forget that you are doing an amazing job with all that you have on your plate. I believe in you. I am thankful for you, and I love you.” 

Was it something like that? 

Hopefully, what you came up with makes you feel good. If not, feel free to adjust it a bit until you come up with wording that you believe AND that makes you feel good. 

And NOW, knowing that there is a future version of yourself that might want to say the same exact thing to you today - about things that might not be super comfortable in the present, you can use those same words for yourself.  

Sure, I love reminding you how amazing you are but what is more important is that YOU believe and trust in your own amazingness. You’ve got this. You are navigating this life without an instruction manual, and let’s be honest, that is no joke.

00:03:57

[computer game level up music (short)]

New Things. New Things. New Things!

My  personal new things, lately, have been  - well - here are some examples: an unexpected new water heater, new roof repairs, a new car battery booster pack, oh, I do have a fun one (yes, this is fun for me) - solar panels for my portable generator. But in general, really fun stuff, right? 

In all seriousness, though, I wish I had purchased the car battery booster pack years ago. Now, I don’t need another vehicle to jump my car, and feel confident I can help others if they ever need it. Do you have one of those? 

I’ll put a link to the one I purchased in my show notes. Now that I have one and have seen how great they work, I believe everyone should have one of these - and no, this is not an ad or an affiliate link - I just love the thing.

00:04:45

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Lessons Learned

[inspirational music plays under this segment]

Give your children the space to be inspired to have a relationship with you. 

 Let me say that again. 

Give your children the space to be inspired to have a relationship with you. 

For many of us who have or have had our identities wrapped up in being a parent, this may feel super uncomfortable. 

I’ve learned this lesson by watching my clients. I’ve been able to witness clingy moms who self-identify as “smotherers”  - you know, like the Goldbergs? I’ve watched them begin to cautiously provide space to their children. Children who move out of the house, travel the world or take an activity that is difficult to comprehend as their parent. 

The discomfort is fierce at first, and then it begins to level out into a calm ripple, if you will, until new emotions appear, such as surprise that they went days without worrying about their adult child. Or amazement that something they would have earlier lost their cool about or phoned all their friends to complain about for hours on end, well, these same parents now roll with the punches and find themselves even wondering, “What’s the big deal?”

Sometimes, they find that their children are at first unsettled by the change they are seeing in their parent - discomfort even - not in a painful way but more of a “who is this parent of mine, because I haven’t seen this side of them before.” 

I’ve watched that parent who can’t seem to let go, holding so tight and causing their child to run away as fast as possible. I’ve seen that same parent emerge into a parent who appreciates where they are and what is ahead for them and their kiddo - even when that means they are continents away. 

I’ve been able to hear first-account stories of the same children who couldn’t leave home fast enough to gain their freedom, become children who invite said-parent on trips with them, and also do things for mom and dad they never would have done before.

I’ve been reflecting on this lately. No, it’s not a scientific study - simply observation of some families. It does, though, make sense to me that when we, as parents, remove the forced expectations on our children in how they must behave and show up for us, that they then have the space to be inspired to have a relationship with us. 

We’ve all heard it: If you love something, let it go.

And I don’t know about you, but I’ll choose an inspired relationship over a forced and motivated relationship any day. 

It is better for everyone. It is better energy, and there is the space for everyone to be themselves. It’s beautiful. Sure, there are still messy moments, but they tend to be threaded with a lot more joy and silliness and overall fun.

Is there a downside to giving your child space? 

When we do give them space and remove expectations, they have the opportunity to become keenly aware of the space. And this is where the blocks of relationship building that you have done up until this point matter. 

If you give them space and in their reflection, they come to the conclusion that you don’t really love them - or like them - for who they are and that you really don’t have their back at all.  They may not ever be inspired to relationship building with you. 

I know, it’s really tough love, but it does happen. My guess, though, I’ll be honest, if you are listening to this podcast, this is NOT you.

But, my two cents - you can take them or leave them - is that I do believe most relationships can be healed if both parties are willing to show up in a way that gives space to one another. In a way where they’re aware that their own happiness depends on themselves - not on the other person.

I also believe in parental apologies where they are necessary- we are all human, anyway, and make mistakes. Sometimes we’re simply doing what we’ve been modeled our whole life. 

We can learn. We can do better as we learn. We can apologize. We can forgive.   

What we can’t do, ultimately, is control another human being. And would you want that kind of relationship long-term? 

What we can do is be responsible for ourselves.

We can learn to love ourselves; we can treat ourselves better - setting an example (even if it is a new one) to our children, and then we can hold space for them to be who they are. 

What a gift. 

Wouldn’t all of us would much rather be with people who love us for who we are rather than remind us who we aren’t?

My listener, take care of yourself, my beautiful friend. Love on yourself. Allow your children space to be who they are - and love them for that - no more, no less. 

Let them fail. Let them try things. Let them live. Celebrate for them when they are happy and let them know that you want a relationship for life with them, and talk about what that looks like for both of you - knowing that over time, how it looks may change.

Know, though, as you both grow more into who you are because the space is there to do that, you very well may be gifted with a stronger relationship than ever before. 

Being a human and a parent isn’t easy. 

I’d like to see my kiddo live life fully as they are meant to. 

And if that means I’m in their life more or less - it is okay because they aren’t on this planet to serve me. 

I’ve received the most thoughtful gifts, learned amazing lessons, been invited on trips, and am inspired all the time by my daughter. I can’t imagine a life where I forced more of what I need, what I expect, and I believe onto her. I know one thing for sure: I wouldn’t have any idea who she really was, and there’s a chance she wouldn’t either. 

00:10:58

[computer game level up music (short)]

Ask Coach Christine

Christine, I’ve always wanted to be a mother. Now what? 

I have heard this statement more than a few times from clients. Their life goal was to be a mother. Now that their child (or children) are moving out and on - in whatever capacity - they struggle with, “what now?” because that was their goal. 

How incredible is it really, if this is you, you’ve reached your life goal? 

First of all, parenthood doesn’t end because your child moves out. It does change. More than likely, you’ll see them again if you’ve earned a relationship with them, and, yes, we talked about that in the last segment.

Absolutely,  things are going to be different in this new phase of life. 

Parenthood should look different in the upcoming years, and now you get the amazing opportunity to create brand new life goals while knowing you’ve reached one.  That’s amazing!  

00:12:03

[quirky music under segment]

Christine? Christine? Christine, where are you?

Well, of course, C.E.O. Training Team to Empty Nest Success members have access to me, and I’m often creating resources for that space. I’m also traveling for an event or two and, believe it or not, taking some time off in October - [gasp]. 

And BabyBoomer.org! You’ll find this podcast now included in BabyBoomer.org’s podcast hub! BabyBoomer.org is the ultimate baby boomer news, guide & community - you’ll find topics such as news, entertainment, lifestyle, relationships, and more there. Full transparency, I’m not a baby boomer. I did mention that, and they thought my content was a great fit for their website visitors, so we have a lovely partnership  - also check out the many other podcasts listed there as well! The link in my show notes will take you to the Kids & Family section of their listed podcasts

00:13:07

[computer game level up music (short)]

What’s in your life’s toolbox?

Your C.E.O. Toolbox is the analogy we use here for items and resources that help you get through tough moments, enjoy the amazing moments, and then also do the deeper work as needed. Your C.E.O. Toolbox is yours. It should have things that work for you, and you should take inventory from time to time because sometimes things that worked well for you two years ago or a month ago, just  aren’t working any longer.

Today, I’m sharing a top-of-the-toolbox item and it's standup comedy.  My daughter invited me to see comedian Chris Fleming with her last weekend. The venue was incredibly intimate, which made it a bit surreal.  Comedy is so good for the soul, and I do love using laughter as a reset. And laugh, we did! My face hurt for two days from all of the laughing. I’ll link some of my favorite Chris Fleming videos in my show notes - and try the one that’s E.T. related.

00:14:09

Two Questions for You

Question 1: Was being a parent what you always wanted to do? 

and Question 2: Do you allow your child - or children - the space to be inspired into a relationship with you? 

As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.

My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.

If you enjoy[ed] this episode, please don’t forget to share it with others; it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. Also, don’t forget to follow this podcast - Your Empty Nest Coach - in your favorite podcast player - or register for a free account in the empty nest success home. You may also join my Thursday Thoughts about email list, where I’ll pop in your inbox with a thought and updates on most Thursdays. Those are the best ways to be notified when I release a new episode.

All the links and resources I mentioned, you’ll find in this episode’s show notes. 

Of course, I’ll be back next month with a new episode!

My empty nest or future-empty nest friend, may you provide yourself space to discover who you are because YOU ARE AMAZING!

[end music] 

00:15:27

[bloopers]

00:15:38  

Still Listening?

Well, I’m intrigued. You’ve listened this far; why have you not joined the C.E.O. Training Team [to Empty Nest Success]?

There’s tons of resources there for you! 

We have Power Hours every Monday to reset yourself - you can show up (or not). You’ll get four private coaching sessions (15-minutes) with me to utilize however you like over six months of time.

You get all of the resources I’ve created to date, including workshops on a variety of topics, some lessons, what-if affirmations that show up weekly, and more.

I’d love for you to join us!

[end music]

[end]

117: It is FAFSA time & Let’s Talk About College Breaks 📅

117: It is FAFSA time & Let's Talk About College Breaks 📅

Hello, my ah-mazing empty nest friend,

If you have a child in college, and they'll continue to be a college student next year, it is time to complete the FAFSA! 

It is also time to think about winter break. 

Whether they were on-campus or not, I've got you covered in this episode as, it isn't always a party when they return home. 🎈

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"Your child will be different when they return home, whether it is their first semester in college or their fourth. I can’t tell you exactly how they’re going to be different, but I can tell you they will be different."

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

🎙The podcast episode in which I remind you that the #FAFSA is open, and we talk about how to prepare for the upcoming college breaks. 💚 #CollegeParents #CollegeBreaks  #EmptyNest  #Podcast #EmptyNestMom #EmptyNestSyndrome 

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This Episode is Brought To You By

💚  Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

What You Will Learn in this Episode 

  • A Reminder that The FAFSA is Open for the 2021-2022 School Year
  • Things to Consider for the Upcoming College Breaks - Even if Your Student is Home!

Episode Questions for You To Consider

  1. Do you need to complete the FAFSA?
  2. Are you ready for the upcoming college break?

First Time Here? Try This Order of Episodes

Episode Resources

Subscribe To This Podcast

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FULL TRANSCRIPT: 

Episode 117 of the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast


00:00:00

Christine:  Hi, it’s Coach Christine.  This is my podcast.  It’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast and you are now listening to episode number 117.  If you are new here, know that I tend to use terms I’ve introduced in prior episodes.  Should you feel a bit lost, use my show notes for best places to begin.  In this episode, I talk about the FAFSA and how to prepare for college breaks, whether your child is currently on-campus or not.

00:00:28  

I work with mothers of high school students and beyond, who are in the trenches with sad and possibly, overwhelming thoughts about what their life will look like when their baby heads to college and begins to leave the nest.  My clients’ big question is what will I do with my time?  Is this you?  I’ve been there, and I get it.  Empowering you to write the next jaw-dropping, amazing chapter in your life is my passion.  I am energized by leading you in the process of exploration and am thrilled when you unlock the power that lies within you.  This podcast is my gift to you.

00:00:49

My future empty nest friend, and Conscious Effective Olympian, or CEO, of your life, how are you doing today?  Holy cow, there is a chance that this episode may be analogy-free.  Can I even do that?  Show notes for this episode have links to anything I discuss that is linkable, and of course, you’ll find all sorts of fun stuff, and ways to work with me on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com.  If you enjoy this episode, I invite you to subscribe to this podcast, and to consider joining the GPS Support Flock.  What is that?  I’m so glad you asked; take a listen.  

00:01:41

Thanks!  Thank you!  It’s time to thank our sponsor.  This episode is sponsored by my membership community, The GPS Support Flock; Your Flight to Success in the Empty Nest.  If you are ready to find the GPS of your life, sign up to receive an immediate and free download of my PDF, "How to Find Yourself in the Empty Nest," our GPS Life Principles document.  You will also have the opportunity to learn about our community.  See the link in this episode's show notes or fly on over to my website, YourEmptyNestCoach.com.  Click the GPS Support Flock button.  See you soon! 

00:02:28  

This is a bit of an informational episode.  Use it as a reference and don’t be afraid to pop back here again, if need be, or to pause it for later.  First up, I’d like to remind you that, yes, is it FAFSA time.  This will be important to you if you are in the U.S., and your child plans to attend college in the upcoming school year.  I get that a lot of things are up in the air, but if you think there is a chance they’ll attend, I recommend doing the FAFSA.  It can’t hurt.

 00:02:54 

I’ve heard people say, “Oh no, it’s FAFSA time.  I hate doing the FAFSA. It’s awful.” I have to admit, while the result from the FAFSA doesn’t usually make me want to jump up and down with excitement, the process of actually completing it isn’t too bad.  The FAFSA is going to be as awful as you allow your mind to let it be.  So choose.  I use, “It’s FAFSA time; I’m excited to be done with it.”  It works.

 00:03:19 

If you have never done the FAFSA before, you’ll need to get the IDs first.  A parent will need one, and your student will need one.  Once you have the ID’s, you then have the actual form to complete.  All of this is available via studentaid.gov. I don’t recommend paying someone else to do the FAFSA for you.  It’s rare that this would be needed.  I’d set aside 15 minutes to create the IDs and then 30 minutes to do the FAFSA.  Both I think are padded generously, but just in case, that’ll give you a ballpark idea of how long it takes.

 00:03:51 

The FAFSA is completed every year your child is in college, so it’s good to make friends with it, if they’ll be attending.  It will pull your tax information from a prior year, so have that info handy in case it doesn’t import automatically.  You’ll find plenty of videos and free tutorials if you run into problems.  I’m not a financial aid advisor.  I’m a mom who has a daughter in her senior year, so I’ve done it four times now.

 00:04:16 

You’ll get a confirmation email in a few days that confirms it was processed and there will be an EFC number.  That number doesn’t have a dollar sign, it’s simply digits.  It represents the amount of money that the government believes you can afford to pay for your child’s education for the next year.  That’s one year.  Be prepared for this number to be more than you’d expect.  I recommend sitting down.

 00:04:39

The colleges your child applies to will use this number in determining financial aid available to them, including government loans.  Every college’s financial aid package will be different, so weigh their options carefully.  Also, consider all four years.  Look at the fine print on the awarding, to be sure you and your child are comfortable with where they’ll land before making any firm decisions.  Long story short, it’s FAFSA time and if your child plans for college next year, put it on your radar to complete in the near future, if you haven’t already.  That is my friendly reminder. 

 00:05:12

Now let’s talk about college breaks.  You may know I’ve been having a lot of fun creating Reels on Instagram.  I’m even teaching some women now, how to become comfortable with them.  Lately, I’ve been taking some information from the podcast and putting it into these little 15-second to 30-second Reels, so I am doing a series within the Reels.  Currently, one is about college breaks and how you should prepare as a parent for college breaks.  I am going to talk about both, if your child has been on campus and if your child has not.  You may gain something out of both, but if you want to jump to one section, check my show notes for time markers. 

 00:05:48

For those of you whose child has been on-campus:

First, be prepared for a routine change, again. When your child left for college, your routine in the household changed and it impacted everyone, even the pets.  When your college-student returns home, they’ll be used to the old routine and the rest of you won’t, so be prepared for change.  Second, expect them to be tired.  They have been going nonstop while they are away, and even if they had less activities than anyone expected, due to being on a campus with physical distancing, trust me, the emotional toll of being in that environment is exhausting and they more than likely couldn’t stop.  They had to keep going.  So the moment they cross the threshold of your home, wherever you live, they are going to feel like their five-year-old self safe and comfortable, whether that’s where they lived when they were five or not.  I know, some of you are going to get technical with me there.  But hopefully, they know they feel safe here.

 00:06:44 

Expect them to be really tired, expect them to go into this decompress mode.  They more than likely won’t be planning it.  It will be something that happens.  They may not even be aware they need it.  Don’t be surprised if they disappear for two days in their room which, you know, maybe they should be quarantining anyway.  If they don’t, so be it.  But if they do, I don’t want you to be surprised.  I warned you.  Third, set some expectations.  We already talked about how routines will be off-kilter a bit again.  Take some time now, ahead of time to think about how your routine before they left is different from how it is now.  Do you want it all to go back to the way it was?  Is there something new that you want to make sure doesn’t change?  Address it now.  Maybe you don’t want to do their laundry.  Set those expectations before they get home, but also be okay if their laundry doesn’t get washed on day one, unless you set that expectation.  Get the idea?

 00:07:33

You also may want to check in with them and ask them what they’re really looking forward to, in case that’s something you could do without.  Remove the tension later.  Take the time to be curious about what you love now and what you want to stay.  Have fun with this and get creative.  By looking at this early and addressing it, will remove some tension on your time together.  So think ahead and figure out what, if anything, should be addressed.  

 00:07:59 

Fourth, your child will be different when they return home, whether it’s their first semester in college or their fourth.  I can’t tell you exactly how they’re going to be different, but I can tell you they will be different.  Independence changes a person in all sorts of ways.  Take the opportunity to get to know them all over again.  Remove your assumptions about who they were and get to know who they are now.

 00:08:23 

My next tip is for both parents whose college-student has been on-campus and for parents who have had their child home.  Take some time to celebrate where you are today and that you’ve made it to a milestone, and you should take some time to celebrate.  It doesn’t need to be a huge celebration.  I have a minimalist mindset, so I’d celebrate with a walk to get coffee, or a specifically chosen movie night, with maybe some special food.  But this is your celebration, make it what works for you and your family.  Give yourself a pat on the back for navigating all of your emotions through this semester.  Make sure you also tell your child how proud you are of them.  If you are having trouble finding this, take some time to really look.  You’ll find it.  Celebrate. 

 00:09:07

If your child did not move out of your home for this semester, here are a couple of tips I have for you.  First, if you haven’t already, talk about the spring semester.  Discuss the options available for your student, if there are any.  If an option to move-on campus suddenly arrives, is that something they’d want to do?  Do they definitely want to stay home again?  Is there anything they would like to have different, if they do stay home?  The same question for you.  If they want to go back to campus, take the opportunity to be curious about the emotions and thoughts that arise in you.  Provide them a safe space to share.  I’d also recommend having this conversation or conversations outside of the celebration space.  Celebration is for celebration.  It’s also okay to celebrate even if you don’t know what is next, in case somebody needs that permission.  More than likely you aren’t sure of all of your options, yet.  But have fun exploring what they could be and what life might be like if you have them available. 

 

00:10:08

Second, take the opportunity to notice if anything has changed about your child this semester.  Yes, even while at home.  They may not have been able to experience the level of independence that attending classes on campus would have given them, but take a moment to notice the child in your home, that they would have returned different.  Where do your thoughts go?  Are you happy they’re still at home?  Happy for the extra time?  Are you bummed for them, that they didn’t get to experience the on-campus life?  If so, add “yet” to the end of that statement and how does that feel? 

 00:10:41

I’ll be honest, my child went to campus.  I may not be able offer much here, but I’d love to know how you feel, if this is you.  Do you have tips, tricks, thoughts for other parents in your situation?  If so, I’d love to share them with my audience on social media.  I’m done recording episodes for 2020, otherwise I’d slide it into an upcoming episode.  But if you email me at Christine@youremptynestcoach.com or message me on Instagram, @emptynestcoach, I’d love to share.  Oh, I also could add this in my monthly email, or of course, the flock!  Yes, yes.  You should join the flock.

[Music]

00:11:18

The questions I have for you in this episode are, one, do you need to complete the FAFSA?  And, two, are you ready for the upcoming college break?  As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.  My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.  My next episode’s title is: The Benefit of Taking Time Off.  This one is listener requested.

00:11:44

Are you able to screenshot this episode right now?  If so, take a minute to do that and then to share it on social media to help others find it.  That would be incredibly helpful.  Be sure to tag me @emptynestcoach so I may personally thank you.  Happy FAFSAing and prepping for that upcoming college break!  You, my empty nest friend, are amazing!

[Bloopers]

00:12:52

Still listening? 

This semester has been odd. We usually only see our daughter once prior to Thanksgiving, if we are lucky.  She’s a few states away.  But this is her senior year, and she has her senior art show and thesis, and we can’t go.  It totally makes sense.  Hubby and are good with it.  We don’t need to be on the college campus, but it’s yet another thing that who would have thought we wouldn’t be doing this year.  Have you had any of these moments lately?

[Music]

[End]

116: Laughing At Yourself – Are you a tissue box or a tissue 😂

116: Laughing At Yourself - Are you a tissue box or a tissue 😂

Hello, my ah-mazing empty nest friend,

In this episode, I spill the beans on an embarrassing moment in my middle school years. I had not planned to dive into that story, but ideas and concepts sometimes appear, and I go with the flow.

Goodness gracious, there is so much power in laughing at yourself. 

This episode topic originated from an Instagram Reel where I poked fun at "life coaches" (mostly myself) and our my abundant use of analogies. 

And when I say extreme use - a few of you thought I was serious with my Reel - which made me laugh at myself more. 😂 Thank you for that.

Consider for a moment what life would be like if you laughed at yourself a bit more: not in a cruel way but a, "Well, I see the silliness in that, and I don't take myself too seriously," kind of way.

In the end, it may alleviate the pain a bit when another human laughs because you've already released the power the situation could have held on your life. 

Cheers and Giggles!

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"What if your protector could slide on a pair of sunglasses that had a funny filter. Would anything change for you?"

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

🎙The episode in which I share about making fun of myself, share an embarrassing story from middle school, and consider how powerful humor can be. 💚 #findthefunny in your life.   #EmptyNest  #Podcast #EmptyNestMom #EmptyNestSyndrome 

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This Episode is Brought To You By

💚 Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

What You Will Learn in this Episode 

  • What Happened When I Recently Poked Fun at Myself
  • An Embarrassing Story from My Middle School Years
  • To Consider Giving Your Protector a Pair of Glasses That Have a Humor Filter

Episode Questions for You To Consider

  1. How serious do you take yourself?
  2. Does the tissue box analogy need to die?

First Time Here? Try This Order of Episodes

Episode Resources

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FULL TRANSCRIPT: 

Episode 116 of the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, it’s Coach Christine.  This is my podcast, it is the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast and this is episode number 116.  I work with mothers of high school students and beyond, who are in the trenches with sad and possibly, overwhelming thoughts about what their life will look like when their baby heads to college and begins to leave the nest.  My clients’ big question is what will I do with my time?  Is this you?  I’ve been there, and I get it.  Empowering you to write the next jaw-dropping, amazing chapter in your life is my passion.  I am energized by leading you in the process of exploration and am thrilled when you unlock the power that lies within you.  This podcast is my gift to you.

00:00:46

Hello, my future empty nest friend and Conscious Effective Olympian, or CEO, of your life!  Are you feeling CEO-like, yet? I sure hope so.  Show notes for this episode have links to anything I discuss in this episode that is linkable, and of course, you’ll find all sorts of fun stuff, and ways to work with me on my website.  That’s YourEmptyNestCoach.com.  Of course, I think you are amazing, and I’d love for you to subscribe to this podcast, or better yet join my flock. What is that?  I’m so glad you asked.  Take a listen.

00:01:22

Thanks!  Thank you!  It’s time to thank our sponsor.  This episode is sponsored by my membership community, The GPS Support Flock; Your Flight to Success in the Empty Nest.  If you are ready to find the GPS of your life, sign up to receive an immediate and free download of my PDF, "How to Find Yourself in the Empty Nest," our GPS Life Principles document.  You will also have the opportunity to learn about our community.  See the link in this episode's show notes or fly on over to my website, YourEmptyNestCoach.com.  Click the GPS Support Flock button.  See you soon! 

00:02:06

If you aren't yet following me on Instagram, what are you doing with your life?  Seriously, though, I've re-discovered that I have a tendency to be funny there, specifically in Reels, sometimes I do it on purpose and sometimes, not so much.  But it’s okay.  I will laugh at myself and you know I love to giggle.  I’ve noticed about myself that the more in tune I am with the weight of my actions, or the happenings of my life, in relation to the longevity of my life, well, things simply don’t have the level of gravity that I used to once give them.  I mean, a typo on a post?  I used to lose sleep over it, now I let it go, and some I’ve let stay up on socials.  What?  The me of five years ago would have a freak out session over that.

00:02:57

I’ve found the more clear my mind is, the more I have trained my Protector and organized my thought deliveries, the more I am able to find humor in life.  And, I’ve shared with you in a prior episode how powerful laughter can be for us as humans.  There is a power in not taking yourself seriously.  There is power in knowing that, yeah, you are fallible.  Of course you are, you are human.  And what if you laugh at yourself before the world does?  Power.  Power, my friend.

00:03:28

So what is the tissue box all about?  In one of my Instagram Reel videos I decided to poke fun at life coaches.  Yes, I’m a life coach.  Yes, I use a lot of analogies and in the challenge I was in we were challenged to make fun of our industry (tastefully).  I landed with, well, let me play the audio for you:

The things you think about are when you start small, ants can find you.  You’re either the tissue box, or the tissue.

I’m back, and wouldn’t you know it, someone heard this and went looking for my episode about the tissue box.  I had to explain that I was poking fun at myself but maybe it was a little too close to reality if that happened.  In the end, I promised I would deliver this episode about it.  Maybe this analogy should be a group project, after all? 

00:04:20

But my real question is, do you take yourself seriously?  Too seriously?  I’m not talking about standing up for your rights, that’s a given.  Please, my friend, do that.  Stand up for yourself.  I’m talking about the other things, the analogies you use constantly (like me); the odd food choices you may have; the obsessions you have that aren’t hurting anyone, those things.  Or maybe the fact that sure, you are in your late forties and love to dress up for halloween.  No, that one’s not actually me.  Is it you?  I challenge you to stop for a moment right now and think of something today that you did that was funny.  Can you find something?

00:04:57

I’m not even talking side-splitting funny, although that’s good too, but maybe slightly amusing if someone else did it, or that you laughed out loud at yourself when it happened.  Or that you thought was very serious, but looking at it through a different lens, you’re like, that’s kind of funny.  Did you find anything?  Go ahead and hit pause, if you need to.

00:05:16

All right.  You’re back.  I did some very scientific research for this episode.  Yes, you know, Google.  And in the rabbit hole of the google search, I did find a lovely TedX Cape May video featuring Brad Jenkins and it was about, you guessed it, laughing at yourself.  Definitely worth a watch.  A few articles also discussed the power of not taking yourself so seriously.  When I did another highly scientific search on Google, using “making fun of yourself,” I found that in the top three results, number two was titled: “How Making Fun of Yourself Can Make You Happy,” and number three was, “It’s Not Okay to Make Fun of Yourself.”  Goodness gracious, and do we wonder why humans are completely confused all of the time? 

00:06:05

It did make me wonder about the difference, though.  What would make it good versus bad?  This is my Coach Christine theory and I would love to know what you think about it.  My theory is that it comes down to how well your Protector is trained and what type of energy you have in your life.  I’m going to share with you now one of the most embarrassing things I remember from my middle school years. At almost-50 years old, I can finally think of this day and see past the humiliation and into the humor. 

True story, although I may be off on details, because I’m the type of person that remembers feelings, big concepts more than specific details.  

00:06:43

I remember that my schedule was very off that year, and I think it was because I took a lot of shop classes, but I had lunch at different times almost every day of the week.  And this one time was not with my larger group of friends.  I have no idea if I normally sat all by myself that day, or if I was waiting for those who normally sat with me.  I got through the line, placed my food down, and I remember clearly that I had parachute pants on. Ahhh, remember those?  Something felt off.  The energy felt weird.  I could hear more whispers than normal but I stayed in my own world and was about to eat my food. 

00:07:21

Then, someone came up to me and said, “Your period is through your pants, maybe you should use a tampon.”   Were those her exact words?  Honestly, I have no idea, and it probably wasn’t as brutal as what I made it sound like.  All I remember is “period through pants” and I remember “tampon”.  Everything then went into slow motion.  I think she tried helping me, and asked if I had a sweater, but my guess is I left my food there and disappeared quickly.  In my head every single person in the school saw it and I would be forever known as “period pants girl.”

00:07:54

I remember getting to the nurse’s office, our school was pretty big, so the navigation wouldn’t have been quick.  I refused to leave the nurse’s office, and had the nurse call my mom.  My mother was not home.  One of my mother’s friends was. She picked me up and drove me home and I thought I would never enter the school building again, ever.  Tears?  Yes.  This day haunted me periodically (pun wasn’t initially intended but I decided to keep it in), for years and years.  And this isn’t an uncommon experience, I mean, google period leak and you’ll get quite the stories.  Perimenopause is like puberty all over again and in some ways, I kind of feel like this could happen again.  So yeah, round and round we go. 

00:08:40

Back to middle school.  I swore that day I would be known as “period pants girl” forever.  Forever.  Well, maybe I am known for that still, or will be now, now that I shared it here.  But now, now I am “period pants girl with a podcast.”  Oh my gosh, so funny.  Now that I’m on embarrassing stories, I’ll just open the flood gates.  I actually think I also had a really late aged wet bed thing at a sleepover, too.   Okay.  Shall we relive all of my embarrassments from childhood and puberty, today?  Wouldn’t that be fun? 

00:09:22

Anyway, my message is don’t take yourself so seriously.  I mean, let’s imagine for a moment that we could go back in time, not that I’d want to, but instead of me being mortified for weeks on end, I’m sure it lasted at least that long, what if I was like, yeah, that’s me, I owned it, and then I created something that would help other girls in situations like that?  What if I actually could have risen above the embarrassment enough to realize that the young lady who told me about it was my hero that day?  In the moment I saw her as someone who took pleasure in telling me that I was a hot mess.  But in reality, no one else said anything.  She did.  She was amazing. 

00:10:04

Had I not taken myself so seriously, I could have thanked her properly.  I also probably could have laughed.  I remember people trying to “comfort” me, the adults in my life, I don’t think I laughed though.  I mean, “period pants girl with a podcast,” that is funny.  I could do a whole series about that.  “Period parachute pants girl” is funny, too.  Sure, it was embarrassing.  I probably missed more than a few great moments being stuck in my obscured thought-deliveries about being “period pants girl.”  I hear you thinking, “But, Christine, you were a teenager.  That is what teenagers do.  They think their whole world is so serious, and one thing like that will ruin it forever.”  Back then, yeah, I was an awkward kid trying to figure out well, anything and everything.

00:10:50

But here’s today’s challenge: I challenge you to consider that you are a different awkward human trying to figure out anything and everything.  You’re in a different stage of life.  I bet there are things in your life right now, that you take just as seriously that you of 20 years from now, future you, would be like, “Oh my gosh, chill out.  It doesn’t matter.”  Think about it.  And when you can tune into that, now, life gets funny.  It gets funny now, instead of 20 years from now. Look at the truth about you, about your life, look at it in perspective of your entire life and stop taking yourself so darn serious, friend.

00:11:32

Laughter is a reset.  Imagine being able to have more of it in your life by simply observing the humor in yourself.  Put those happenings of your life in perspective.  The truth, after all, can be funny.  What if your Protector could slide on a pair of sunglasses that had a funny filter?  You know, like Instagram or SnapChat, just swipe.  That would be even cooler.  Would anything in your life change for you?  It doesn’t mean that you laugh at everything.  Remember, a well trained protector allows you to be truly conscious in your life, to be off of auto-pilot and to respond in a way that you are proud of, and that brings peace to your life and to the lives of others, to bring positive energy.  Let’s be real. You’re going to mess up in life.  I am going to mess up in life.  I’ll tell you that right now.  It’s what humanity is all about.

00:12:22

What if we start looking for those moments not only to learn from but also to entertain ourselves?  What is my point?  Hmm... and with my humor filter on, I’m wondering if I have one.  After all, I’m not sure if you are a tissue box or the tissue.  Maybe the tissue box is you stuffed all inside taking yourself way too seriously.  It isn’t until you find the humor in your life that you are able to begin to serve others (maybe then you become a tissue that can help).  Although, then you get thrown in the trash, so I’m not sure that’s a great analogy on any level.  But, hey, if you have an idea for it, please share it with us!

00:13:03

Let me leave you with this, you and I have been on this planet for more than a few years.  There is a high probability that all of us have been embarrassed, done dreadful things, been awful to others, been inconsiderate, been unempathetic, been dismissive, and well, the list goes on.  I would hope that you are now quite leveled-up from the you of your younger years, heck even the you of last year or last month.  Hopefully, not only we are doing our best to become better humans but we also are able to view experiences, past, present and future, in a new light.  Maybe we can start sending thought deliveries back to our Protector and ask them to put on the funny filter, or put on different types of glasses.  Maybe we need clip-on glasses for different lens types.  Ooo, more analogies, and now, we’re back to the beginning.  Around we go.

00:14:00

Okay.  If you’ve listened to more than a handful of my episodes, you must not mind analogies either.  I’m thankful for you.  I’m thankful for that kind soul who pointed out my period stained parachute pants, I’m thankful for the moments in my life that entertain me, like today when I went to put the eggs in a cabinet and not the fridge, and for me,today also, typing the words “period pants girl with a podcast.”  See, life is funny. By the way, you really should join our flock.  We’re waiting for you!  Let’s find the funny in our lives together, friend. 

[Music]

00:14:33

The questions I have for you in this episode are, one, how serious do you take yourself?  And two, should we just let this tissue box analogy go now?  Have a beautiful day friend.  You are amazing!

[Bloopers]

00:15:25

Still listening? 

What are you listening to next? I’m so curious!

[Music]

[End]

49: The Power of Laughter

Hello, my ah-mazing empty nest friend!
 
In this brief episode, I invite you to find the funny in your life, and give it a chance to reset you. 
 
Take a listen or read the full transcript below. 
 
⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll all the way down ⇓ so you don’t miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓
 
Want to subscribe to this podcast? Great news – it is free!
> Click here, and then choose your favorite podcast app – be sure to hit subscribe or follow, once you choose your favorite!
Let me know if you have any additional questions – as I am always happy to explain how podcasts work!

This Episode is Brought To You By

💚 Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

What You Will Learn in this Episode

    • To consider using laughter to reset your thought deliveries, and soul.
    • To consider the humor in life. 

Episode Questions for You To Consider

  1. Do you easily find the funny in your life?
  2. Do you have something funny to share with us?

First Time Here? Try This Order of Episodes

Episode Resources


Full Transcript

You are preparing for the empty nest ahead as your child(ren) prepares, heads off to, and experiences college.