102: How to Help Your College Student Prepare for A Different Campus Part 1 of 2

102: How to Help Your College Student Prepare for A Different Campus Part 1 of 2

Hello, my ah-mazing empty nest friend, 

Fall 2020: some of our children's schools have plans for an on-campus return, and the campus won't be the campus our child(ren) left or visited. Life is different, and campus life will be no exception.

While our daughter is scheduled to head back to college in less than six weeks, that may or may not come to fruition. 2020 has a sneaky way of showing us that plans are rarely concrete. In the meantime, the best thing our family can do is prep for a return to campus with the knowledge we have now. In this episode, I share some things we are doing to prepare for an on-campus semester. 

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"If your child doesn't already have a thermometer and a first aid kit - it is time to round one up for the fall!"

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

New podcast episode 🎙 How Coach Christine's family is preparing for her daughter's fall return to campus - tips and advice! 💚 #CollegeParent #EmptyNest #NotSoEmptyNest #CollegeLife #CollegeStudent #FallSemester #OnCampus

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This Episode is Brought To You By

What You Will Learn in this Episode 

  • The Ways That Coach Christine And Her Family Are Preparing for a Fall On-Campus Semester
  • To Consider Talking About the What-Ifs

Quick Tip Submissions

Episode Questions for You To Consider

  1. If your child is heading back to campus soon, what are your biggest concerns? 
  2. Do you have a medical question about your child being on campus in the fall? 

💚  Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now:   https://www.speakpipe.com/EmptyNestCoach  or call/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

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FULL TRANSCRIPT: 

Episode 102 of the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast

00:00:00

Christine:  You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast with Coach Christine, episode number 102: How To Help Your College Student Prepare for a Different Campus. I work with mothers of high school students and beyond, who are in the trenches with sad and possibly, overwhelming thoughts about what their life will look like when their baby heads to college and begins to leave the nest. My clients’ big question is what will I do with my time? Is this you? I’ve been there, and I get it.  Empowering you to write the next jaw-dropping, amazing chapter in your life is my passion. I am energized by leading you in the process of exploration and am thrilled when you unlock the power that lies within you. This podcast is my gift to you.

00:00:46

Hello, my empty nest friend and CEO of Your Life! As of this recording, my daughter is scheduled to head back to campus in less than six weeks. Now, while that is the plan now, this episode very well may be of no use to anyone if the trend continues on the trajectory that the epidemic is on now. Whew! If our daughter is home for the fall, there isn’t much we can do to prepare for now, but if she heads to campus as planned, there are things we can prepare for, so I do that but am continually checking the drama in my mind around the idea of her going back. Wow, there are so many things outside of our fence right now.

00:01:26

I definitely don’t have all the answers, but I thought I would share some things we are doing to prepare her for a campus-life that will look different from the campus she left in March. Before we dive in, a quick reminder, that if you find yourself talking back to me at any part of this episode; if something resonates with you; or if you have a quick tip to share with my audience, please take the opportunity to leave me audio feedback either through SpeakPipe or my Google Voice number. You’ll find the information to do this in the description of this episode: on Apple Podcasts click “Details”; on Spotify click “See More”; on Overcast press the I for information button. Get the idea? Of course I always have full show notes with links to anything I discuss in the episode, and a full episode transcription on my website. Those reside at YourEmptyNestCoach.com/P (for podcast) and 102 (for this episode’s number). (YourEmptyNestCoach.com/P102). I can’t wait to hear from you!

00:02:24

Thanks! Thank you! It’s time to thank our sponsor. This episode is sponsored by my membership community, The GPS Support Flock; Your Flight to Success in the Empty Nest. If you are ready to find the GPS of your life, sign up to receive an immediate and free download of my PDF, "How to Find Yourself in the Empty Nest," our GPS Life Principles document. You will also have the opportunity to learn about our community. See the link in this episode's show notes or fly on over to my website, YourEmptyNestCoach.com. Click the GPS Support Flock button.  See you soon!  

00:03:08

What am I doing to prepare for my daughter’s return to campus?  Here’s nine things: 

  1. Stocking Up. Where I live, hand sanitizer and disinfecting wipes are just now entering the shelves in stores, and the disinfecting wipes, if one or two are on the shelf, I run. Well, I don’t run, but I want to run. I’ve been picking up my one allotted disinfecting wipes on the rare occasion that I see them, and have started a small collection of tubs and hand sanitizer for the fall. I say a small collection, this is not a surplus in my garage. I have a hunch that in six weeks, with everyone else returning to school, these items may be even harder to find than they are now.  We are not stockpiling, like I said. We are purchasing enough that she’ll be okay if she can’t get to a store during her time on campus, and if someone in the dorm is diagnosed with COVID-19, this would allow me to feel like she isn’t high and dry on supplies.  That’s number one, stocking up appropriately.

  1. Public Mask-Wearing Practice.  Now, some of you are going to think this is ridiculous because you’ve been out and about wearing masks, but some people have not left their house often, and if your child has not been out and about yet, it is time for them to get used to being outside of the house with a mask on.  It’s important. Getting used to this, along with social distancing is also important. Most, if not all colleges, are going to require masks on campus and in classrooms. It makes sense. Make or purchase your masks now and get used to wearing them, properly. Some individuals with sensory issues or other things may need some adjustment time to get used to it. I know that sounds odd for those who don’t have these concerns but I’m a firm believer in limiting the amount of anxiety our children have, so getting familiar with wearing them will be helpful. Hopefully they know themselves well enough that you can start a conversation with them and they’ll have their own ways to prepare for the fall. Listen to them, and encourage them to seek supplies and helpful resources now.

00:05:17

I don’t know about where your child goes, but my daughter’s college had already implemented that a mask was required for those who are sick in prior years, so she already has it in her head that it is a courtesy to others to wear a mask when she isn’t feeling well, but has to go to a class. This was pre-pandemic, so I’m guessing moving forward she would not go to class, and it would be a no-brainer. But I do know that even among my own friends, there are varying degrees of comfort in being in the outside world with masks.

  1. Mask Maintenance.  I feel like this is going to be the thing that everyone overlooks, so I’m trying to get into our daughter’s head ahead of time.  Yes, your child’s college may be giving two masks per student, or something like that.  But are they on track to know how to properly wash them, because they should be washed after every use - every use.  Yes, every use, and we know how great our children are at keeping up with their laundry. Yes, this is why I think this is going to be the overlooked and troublesome part. The CDC.gov site has all kinds of resources, but high-level cloth masks should be washed after every use and dried completely, high on the dryer or out in the sun, which is kind of tough to do in the dorm. When we remove our masks, we need to be sure that we use the ear loops or ties to remove it and fold the outside corners together. Be careful not to touch your eyes, nose and mouth when removing the mask and wash your hands immediately after removing the mask. Which brings me to ...

  1. Proper Hand Washing. My daughter’s college sent us videos that we had to check off and say that, yup, we watched these before we headed back to pick up her items a few weeks ago. Sure, we were on the honor system but it is funny, after we both watched them, we discussed how we were never really shown as children how to properly wash our hands. Sure, we were told to sing the Happy Birthday song twice, but what to do during that time?  That’s really helpful to know, and there are great videos out there for this. 

  1. Temperature Taking. If your child doesn’t already have a thermometer and a first aid kit, it is time to round one up for the fall. If the college they are attending doesn’t have them track their temperature, encourage them to track it for a few days at home, for them to become comfortable with their normal body temperature. It may surprise them. I have a link to one of my Pinterest boards that has some DIY first aid kits for college dorms in it, or just search on Pinterest to find it.  So many options.

00:08:06

 

  1. Social Life. Let’s talk about social life.  Our children need to understand that the social events that they are heading to college for may not be there at all. How are they going to do with that? How are they going to deal with it? Ask them to think about it now. Ask them how they will handle it. No matter the college policies, also, look, it’s college, there will be parties. Will your child go to them? Will they not? What level are they comfortable with, and so on. With the other tips that I’m sharing here, in mind, do some coaching on the topic. Truly, I mean coaching, have a discussion.  Listen and coach them through different things that could happen. In a Forbes article titled College Students Want to Party: How they Keep Their Social Life This Fall, the author, Stephen M. Gavazzi (I hope I’m saying that correctly) offers a new motto for our students to consider, “study smart, party smart.” It might be worth sharing.

00:09:09

  1. Best Ways to Keep in Touch? If you are going to be a bit more anxious than normal and your child is not the best at communicating with you, come up now with a protocol for communication that works for both of you. Maybe you discuss you send a particular emoji to them, that means, hey, I’m thinking of you, I’m getting a little worried, can you just give me a quick status.  Maybe you’ve already discussed which emojis they can send you back, that let’s you know, hey, yeah, thumbs up, I’m all good, Mom, busy. Have that conversation now. College normally, is a lot for students, this is before COVID-19. Sure, they might be more homesick than usual, and reach out more, or they may be dealing with a lot more and a conversation with their mother may not help at the moment.  Not something to take personally, but have this conversation now.

00:09:59

 

  1. Talk about the what-ifs at a high-level and when the timing is right talk about what-if. What if their fall looks totally different?  What if the fall semester goes online?  What if you get roomed in a hotel down the street?  What if there are no social activities? Are there any of these things that would make them stay home, even if their college is onsite? Does it impact any scholarships they may have, if they decide not to go to campus? Are there circumstances that would have them not attend at all, even online?  Would they consider a gap year? I’m going to put a link to an episode of “Collegehood Advice” where Katy Oliveira talks about a gap year during COVID-19 with a guest. There is also an article on “Grown and Flown” titled Surprising Ways College Will Look Different This Fall. It is really worth a read, as it is likely you won’t know all of the ways your child’s college will look different until there isn’t enough time to process it out.  Two examples listed in the article: some schools may assign specific showers, sinks or toilets to students, and scheduling may be needed for showering. Some colleges have rented hotels and will be housing students in those to allow more space. So, yeah, be ready for anything. And a quick shout-out to Dale Troy who shared the article from “Grown and Flown” in her “College Parent Support Community” on Facebook.

00:11:31

  1. Nitty gritty medical concerns.  This one I’m going to leave ‘til next week, since I’m not a doctor, and because I was lucky enough to be sent a copy of her new book, I’m going to have Dr. Jill Grimes with me next Friday.  We’re going to discuss specific medical needs and concerns related to COVID-19 on campus. I’m looking forward to chatting with her and to bringing our chat to you! So look for part two of this series, next week!

As always, if you have your own tips, your thoughts or concerns about your child heading back to college you may join our GPS Support Flock and share there, or the Green Popsicle Stick Facebook group.  We can’t wait to chat with you.

[Music]

00:12:15

The questions I have for you in this episode are: if your child is heading back to campus soon, what are your biggest concerns? Do you have a medical question about your child being on campus in the fall?

00:12:34

Christine? Christine? Christine? Where are you? Do you know about the Stay Home Sisters?  Rebecca Moses, artist, designer and author, has been painting pictures of women who are staying home due to physical distancing and she shares their stories.  Her illustration of me was included recently and I will have a link to her Instragram profile in my show notes.  She’s up to, I believe, 270 as of this recording.  That’s pretty amazing!  Thanks, Rebecca, for all that you do for us.

[Music]

00:13:15

It is time for a Quick Tip, advice or thoughts from a listener. Today’s Quick Tip is from Katherine, the 5 Kilo Traveller.

Katherine:  In my last tip, I talked about traveling light by wearing your heavy and bulky gear on your flight, and I also briefly mentioned merino wool, or Smartwool. Now, in New Zealand, we have 27 million sheep. That’s six sheep for every New Zealander. I am a huge advocate for the New Zealand wool industry, but I am not sponsored by them. Today’s tip is all about merino wool and Smartwool. Merino comes from a sheep and it has amazing natural qualities. Merino moderates your temperature. It keeps you warm in cold weather, but also keeps you comfortable in hot weather. I’ve worn a long-sleeved merino on a boat in a New Zealand summer to protect against harmful UV rays of the sun, and I’ve not got overheated. Again, I’ve worn multiple merino layers in New York, in winter, and have been comfortable even when I’ve headed into the well-heated shops. That is once I’ve removed my puffer jacket, my coat, my hat, my gloves, my scarf, and every other layer. Merino doesn’t retain smells. I think on the packaging they say it repels odor. This whole odor repelling quality means that you can wear it for several days without it needing laundering. I’ve tested this, but there is a trick to it. You need to hang it up and air it, after wearing. This can be as simple as draping it over a chair.  If you decide to dump it in a pile of clothes, it will still be smelly the next morning, believe me. I’ve tested this. A company I buy merino clothing from, also said that when you have a shower, hang your merino gear in the bathroom.  The steam helps to freshen up the fabric. merino is light and compact. If you compare a cotton sweater or a fleece with a merino sweater, the merino one will be lighter and smaller. Merino is also quick drying. Generally my merino clothing dries overnight. I wash merino by hand or I use a delicates bag if it’s going in the washing machine.  I wear merino from top to toe, literally head scarf, neck, back, tops, pants, socks, and even underwear.  There you have it, my tip for today.  Merino wool or Smartwool is my absolute essential clothing fabric for travelling light.  Happy light travels!

00:15:46

Well my empty nest CEO of Your Life friend, if you enjoyed this episode, I invite you to take a moment to subscribe to this podcast. It is free after all, and subscribing is the best way to be notified right away when I have a new episode. As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. Psst, my friend... you are amazing!  See ya!

 [End]

[Bloopers / Still Listening]

[End]

101: Free Empty Nest SuccessTraining – Why You Don’t Know What Is Next For Your Life

101: Free Empty Nest Success Training - Why You Don't Know What Is Next For Your Life

Hello, my ah-mazing empty nest friend, 

In this episode, I share the first portion of my free training: Why You Don't Know What is Next For Your Life, Psst... it isn't your fault. 

In the full training session, I share with you how I found success in the empty nest, you will learn a bit more about me, and I ask you to consider two types of women entering the empty nest.

Which empty nest mom resonates with you

Enjoy! 


Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"If you notice, CEO of her Life Sally also has badges, but these are her superhero badges!"

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

New podcast episode 🎙 A teaser of a new & free training for Empty Nest Success: Why You Don't Know What Is Next For Your Life 💚 #ListeningTo #MidLifeMom #EmptyNestMom #EmptyNest #NotSoEmptyNest #FreeTraining #WomenEmpoweringWomen

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This Episode is Brought To You By

What You Will Learn in this Episode 

  • To Consider That There are Two Types of Women Entering the Empty Nest
  • If You Have The Interest to Learn More About Becoming the Conscious Effective Olympian (CEO) of Your Life

💚  Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now:   https://www.speakpipe.com/EmptyNestCoach  or call/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

First Time Here? Try This Order of Episodes

Episode Resources

Subscribe To This Podcast

It is FREE!

Want to get notified of new episodes directly on your phone? Subscribe to this podcast using your favorite app!

FULL TRANSCRIPT: 

Episode 101 of the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast

00:00:00

Christine:  You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast with Coach Christine, episode number 101:  Why You Don’t Know What is Next For Your Life...Psst, It Isn’t Your Fault, and this is just a teaser.  I work with mothers of high school students and beyond, who are in the trenches with sad and possibly, overwhelming thoughts about what their life will look like when their baby heads to college and begins to leave the nest.  My clients’ big question is what will I do with my time?  Is this you?  I’ve been there, and I get it.  Empowering you to write the next jaw-dropping, amazing chapter in your life is my passion.  I am energized by leading you in the process of exploration and am thrilled when you unlock the power that lies within you.  This podcast is my gift to you.

00:00:49

Hello, my empty nest friend and CEO of Your Life!  Today’s episode is the beginning of my new free webinar.  We recorded it last Thursday and it is waiting for you right now.  So exciting!  

Before we dive in, a quick reminder, that if you find yourself talking back to me at any part of this episode; or if something resonates with you; or if you have a quick tip to share with my audience, please take the opportunity to leave me audio feedback either through SpeakPipe or my Google Voice number.  You’ll find the information to do this in the description of this episode: on Apple Podcasts click “Details”; on Spotify click “See More”; on Overcast press the I for information button.  Get the idea?  Of course I always have full show notes with links to anything I discuss in the episode, and a full episode transcription on my website.  Those reside at YourEmptyNestCoach.com/P (for podcast) and 101 (for this episode’s number).  (YourEmptyNestCoach.com/P101).  I can’t wait to hear from you!

00:01:51

Thanks!  Thank you!  It’s time to thank our sponsor.  This episode is sponsored by my membership community, The GPS Support Flock; Your Flight to Success in the Empty Nest.  If you are ready to find the GPS of your life, sign up to receive an immediate and free download of my PDF, "How to Find Yourself in the Empty Nest," our GPS Life Principles document.  You will also have the opportunity to learn about our community.  See the link in this episode's show notes or fly on over to my website, YourEmptyNestCoach.com.  Click the GPS Support Flock button.  See you soon! 

00:02:34

Hi, everyone.  I’m Coach Christine, your empty nest coach and we are about to begin our session: Why You Don’t Know What is Next For Your Life...Psst, It Isn’t Your Fault.  Hello, amazing empty nest friend, this is our three-legged shelter cat, Lego, stealing the show.  Just like I had allowed everyone to steal my show over the last 18 or so years.  Now, I consciously let Lego steal the show, and I take care of myself.  But I didn’t always.  

00:03:09

Before we dive in, let’s make sure I’m not about to waste the next 25 or so minutes of your time.  You are in the right place if: you can’t figure out what is next for your life; you’ve spent the last 18 or so years doing everything for everyone else; ready to make a long-lasting permanent change in your life that will benefit you, your family and others.  If any or all of these apply, congratulations, you are in the right place.

00:03:40

You should have received in the confirmation emails a link to print out this PDF which you can use as we go through this session, or you can grab any piece of paper that you have handy and make sure you have a writing utensil.  I’ll tell you at the end how to claim one of these bonuses, should you sign up for the GPS Support Flock.  I’d like you now to consciously think about which one you would choose.  You have Weight Loss or Simplifying Your Life.  If you could pick right now, which one would it be, and write that down on your piece of paper.  Or would you pick both of them?  Totally valid answer.

00:04:24

Let’s talk about types of people.  There are types of people in the world, right?  When you think about vacations, there are the types of people who love being out in the woods, in nature, sleeping under the stars, sleeping bag on the ground, food over the fire, and then, there are the people who have to stay in five-star hotels where they have room service, a pool, all that fun stuff, right?  How about schooling?  You have people who are diehard public school families, and then, you have the opposite extreme, those who homeschooled before COVID-19.  Then, of course, one of the most famous types, dog or cat person?  In reality, most of us are somewhere in between.  But we find we identify a tad more closely with one than the other, possibly.  That may depend on the day, right?

00:05:18

Let’s consider mothers entering the empty nest.  At first glance, they look pretty similar.  Especially if you go with what is posted on social media.  One look at that social media account and you see how together they look, or how together they want you to think they are.  I would now like you to consider that there are two primary types of women entering the empty nest, and I’d like to introduce them to you.  Self-Help Sally and CEO of Her Life Sally.  As I introduce them to you, I want you to think about who you identify with, and how you identify with her, and who you want to identify with as you move forward in your life.

00:06:00

First, let’s meet Self-Help Sally.  She loves being a mom.  She loves her family.  She supports everything her family does.  She is an organizer of events, of things that happen in the family.  She uses all of her time to support others, to do things for them, and necessities for herself.  She’s even responsible for transportation, even if it’s not the actual driving.  She has the thinking of how to get them from place to place, or when they’re going to be home.  Self-Help Sally wears her family’s accomplishments like badges of honor, on her.  They are her identity.  Which is great when her child graduates, is in a rewarding career, or is incredibly happy.  But when her child fails a test, drops out of school, gets arrested, considers new career options, she wears those as if they’re hers, too, because that’s all she knows.  Then there are her thoughts:  oh, I need to call a friend; how do I support my child; how do I support my partner; I have to plan that event for my extended family; oh, I need food for that event; I’ve got to get my own doctor appointments in and she finds that there is just a tiny sliver of time left for her, with all this stuff.  Teeny, tiny, sliver of time.  Time, that on the rare occasions when she has it available, she looks to fill it quickly, rather than simply being alone with herself.  In that tiny sliver of time that she has left, Self-Help Sally’s looking for the next quick fix to solve her life’s problems.  She wants everything to miraculously feel better when she’s done.

00:07:47

She fills that sliver of time with manicures, having some coffee, coffee with friends, fixing up the house, doing some workouts, maybe binging Netflix, getting a makeover, taking a trip with a friend, having a bottle of wine, or maybe just a glass of wine.  Oh, maybe she needs a new partner.  Wait, if I talk to so-and-so, they don’t like that person either, and a little gossiping goes on.  These types of things.  Self-Help Sally thinks she’s helping herself when she’s doing them, but what she’s really doing is ignoring who she is.  She has no idea anyway, who that woman would be, so it’s just easier to stay busy.

00:08:26

How could she find herself in that small sliver of time anyway?  She’s sure she couldn’t, so she doesn’t even try.  If she really thinks about it, she’s got it better than her neighbor down the street, Janey Sue, so you know, she’s okay.  Now, of course, many of the things that Self-Help Sally has chosen to do with that sliver of free time, they’re absolutely fine.  Especially when they’re balanced in her life.  If she understands their place in her life.  I call it the top of her life’s toolbox.  The Bandaids, not the cure.  It’s when she expects these things to cure what ails her, that a feeling of unrest will settle into her life.  In this photo of a dam, it would be like you knowing that there are architectural problems with it, and instead of hiring an engineer and getting in the proper tools and resources to fix it properly, you decide that a cork from a wine bottle will do just as well, or maybe like 50 corks.  You take them and you start filling in holes in the dam.  Well, you and I know that those aren’t going to hold the dam.  But that’s kind of what Self-Help Sally’s doing.  

00:09:35

The cork is fine for a wine bottle, so there’s nothing wrong with it.  It’s just doing the wrong job.  What Self-Help Sally needs is a cure.  No more Bandaids.  Sally knows that her child heading out on their own means more free time for her, and she doesn’t quite know where to begin, or knows once she gets through her list of things she’s been putting off for years, then she won’t know where to begin.  How could she know what to do with her time, when she’s spent the last 18 or so years in roles supporting everyone else.  Let’s talk about how she really feels under everything.  Watch her carefully.  Tired.  No, actually, she’s exhausted.  She feels like a mom-machine doing everything for everyone else, only she’s not a robot.  When someone asks her who she is outside of her role as mother, she gives you this look.  When she thinks about the time that she’s going to have, she thinks she’s going to look a lot like this.  Which might be fun for, you know, half a day, and then what?

00:10:39

She wonders who she is outside of all the roles that she’s had.  When she thinks about it, does she even want to know who she is under those roles?  Because it might be kind of scary.  She thinks some days that she might want to do what she did when she was younger.  Remember that thing I loved to do?  Sometimes, that’s great, and other times, it just doesn’t feel the same way any more.  She also wonders if her partner and her are going to get along.  Self-Help Sally is a role-filler.  She’s completely covered who she is outside of her roles of mom, partner, school volunteer, employee, cat-litter cleaner.  You know, those roles.  This is the normal for Sally, and this is why she can’t figure out what is next for her.  She needs to know who she is, first.  

00:11:31

But none of this is her fault.  She was never taught how to manage all of this effectively, and in a way that would allow her to find who she is outside of her roles.  While she is really good at researching the next thing that’s happening in her life and navigating it for her family, but what about her?  I ask you now, is there anything so far about Self-Help Sally that you identify with?  What resonates the most with you?

00:11:57

Now, I’d like you to meet CEO of Her Life Sally, and CEO stands for Conscious Effective Olympian.  CEO of Her Life Sally has done the work, training her mind in a way that allows her to be strong, in a way she didn’t know before.  She has an internal GPS that guides her throughout her days.  She has a well-stocked toolbox for her life, and takes inventory of it periodically.  She chooses to go through life with a tremendous amount of self-love.  She understands what she has control over in her life and remembers how many things are outside of her fence.  All of this gives CEO of Her Life Sally a tremendous amount of peace.  Peace that she had never known before.  Now, if you notice, CEO of Her Life Sally also has badges, but these are her superhero badges.  Let’s look at one close.  Check it out.  These superhero badges are for: learning how to be kind to herself in her thoughts; for consciously choosing her thoughts; for processing through emotions; for training her Protector well; and managing things outside of her fence; for stocking her CEO tool box well, and more.  Now, I bet you’re wondering how I know so much about these two?  Well, my friend, I was Self-Help Sally, absolutely was.

00:13:25

Hi, friend, I’m back.  That was the beginning of this webinar, and I then talk about how I went from Self-Help Christine to CEO of Her Life Christine.  While I navigated to becoming the CEO of My Life, I have created resources for you to also become the CEO of Your Life.  If you want to learn more, please watch the entire webinar.  Check it out.  I have photos of my cat, of my family, and I can’t wait for you to learn more.  If you have any questions, along the way, ask me and I will be back next week in your feed.  Have a great day!  You are amazing!  See ya!

 [End]

[Bloopers / Still Listening]

[End]

100: Lessons Learned in Podcasting, Creating a Business, and Life

100: Lessons Learned in Podcasting, Creating a Business, and Life

Hello, my ah-mazing empty nest friend, 

Wow - episode 100!

I decided to celebrate this milestone by sharing lessons learned from podcasting, creating a business, and life. 

Enjoy!

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"Be In it For The Long Haul. Take the amount of time you think it will take, double it, double it again, and then triple it: THAT amount of time. If you are good with THAT amount of time to reach your goals, you are going to be well ready for the ups, downs, journeys, pivots, and changes needed along the way."

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

Wow: episode 100! In celebration, I reflect on best tips for podcasting, creating a business, and life. Enjoy! 💚 #listeningto #midlifemom #emptynestmom #emptynest #MomHelp #MomPodcaster #PodcastLife #Entrepreneur #LifeTips #Advice

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This Episode is Brought To You By

What You Will Learn in this Episode 

  • My Top Advice for Podcasting, Creating a Business, and Life

Quick Tip Submission

Episode Questions for You To Consider

  1. Do any of these resonate with you? 
  2. Do you have lessons learned to share with others?

💚  Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now:   https://www.speakpipe.com/EmptyNestCoach  or call/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

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FULL TRANSCRIPT: 

Episode 100 of the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast

00:00:00

Christine:  You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast with Coach Christine, episode number 100: Lessons Learned, Advice I’m Glad I Took or Wish I Had Taken. I work with mothers of high school students and beyond, who are in the trenches with sad and possibly, overwhelming thoughts about what their life will look like when their baby heads to college and begins to leave the nest. My clients’ big question is what will I do with my time? Is this you? I’ve been there, and I get it.  Empowering you to write the next jaw-dropping, amazing chapter in your life is my passion. I am energized by leading you in the process of exploration and am thrilled when you unlock the power that lies within you. This podcast is my gift to you.

00:00:49

Hello, my empty nest friend and CEO of Your Life! How are you doing today? I am super excited to have this celebration with you today. You know how I like to celebrate things. While I certainly don’t need a party or anything like that, I need to just stop and celebrate the fact that I have consistently put out podcast episodes. I have stayed true to future Christine and I’ve made it here to 100, which isn’t always the case with podcasts. There’s a lot of podfading going on. I’m going to talk a little bit about that today.  

00:01:25

But before we get started, a quick reminder, that if you find yourself talking back to me at any part of this episode; or if something resonates with you; or if you have a quick tip to share with my audience, please take the opportunity to leave me audio feedback either through SpeakPipe or my Google Voice number. You’ll find the information to do this in the description of this episode: on Apple Podcasts click “Details”; on Spotify click “See More”; on Overcast press the I for information button. Get the idea? Of course I always have full show notes with links to anything I discuss in the episode, and a full episode transcription on my website. Those reside at YourEmptyNestCoach.com/P (for podcast) and 100 (for this episode’s number). (YourEmptyNestCoach.com/P100) I still can’t believe it’s 100. Whoo Hoo! I can’t wait to hear from you!

00:02:15

Thanks! Thank you! It’s time to thank our sponsor.  This episode is sponsored by my membership community, The GPS Support Flock; Your Flight to Success in the Empty Nest. If you are ready to find the GPS of your life, sign up to receive an immediate and free download of my PDF, "How to Find Yourself in the Empty Nest," our GPS Life Principles document. You will also have the opportunity to learn about our community. See the link in this episode's show notes or fly on over to my website, YourEmptyNestCoach.com. Click the GPS Support Flock button.  See you soon!  

00:03:01 

I would like to formally welcome K. Soane, PreKureMe Health Coach, in the USA, into our GPS Support Flock Membership Program. We are incredibly excited that you joined the flock and look forward to your flight to success.

00:03:19

I had a bunch of ideas on what to do with this episode and landed on doing a lessons-learned topic to share with you some things that I’ve learned since starting this podcast, and a couple other areas of my life. It’s a nice time for reflection for me and while they all may not apply directly to you, sometimes you never know what small bit of life-sharing will resonate with you. I am going to give you four lessons-learned in three areas: podcasting, business and life.

00:03:45

First up is podcasting.  Number one, your first episode won’t be your best. Not even close. If you are looking to podcast, please know, going in, that no one is happy with their first episode. You’ll want to redo your early episodes if you go back and listen to them. Just be prepared for that. Remember that done is better than perfection. Meaning if you’re waiting for perfection, or if I had been waiting for perfection, I honestly wouldn’t have an episode out at all, and here I am at 100. So just do it. Jump in and learn as you go. If you don’t believe me and you listen to a podcast of anybody, and they’re in over 100 episodes, go back and listen to their first one and see the difference.

00:04:32

Number two under podcasting: 100 Episodes is a big deal and you’re going to have a different voice at episode 100 than you did in episode 1. Do you know that most podcasters don’t make it past 7 episodes due to podfading? For real. Once the excitement wears off, there is a whole lot of steps that go into every single episode, and you get very little feedback. I’ve mentioned this before, in my episodes, that podcasting can be quite lonely. It isn’t like we have an audience right in front of us where we hear them cry, boo, cheer, laugh, and provide any feedback whatsoever, only a few gem of a human who create reviews for us or who give us a shoutout on social media, that’s really the only way that we get feedback. No going in if you’re a person who needs a lot of feedback. Podcasting might not be the best place for you, at least not initially, until you build that audience.

00:05:32

As I said, hitting 100 episodes is a big deal, if most don’t make it past 7. You get to 25, 50, and then 100, that’s a really big deal. Milestones are important. I remember someone said, I feel like it was Jess and Elsie on ShePodcasts, that they said that most podcasters don’t find their voice and get comfortable until episode 100, and I believe this. I’ve tried things. I’ve had new equipment, tried scripted, not scripted, guests, more guests, no guests. It really isn’t until now that I feel comfortable enough to hit record and not feel completely anxious every time. The anxiety is gone. I’m definitely more me and more comfortable behind the mic, and I’m more willing to just try new things. Change it up. Super fun.

00:06:21

Number three under podcasting, your show is your show. I share this with you because I often see, in some of the podcasting Facebook groups, people will be like, “Hey, I don’t know what to do.  I’m not feeling it anymore.  I think I want to change my topic,” or “I don’t want to have my podcast be weekly anymore.” Your show is your show. You can do whatever you want. That is the beauty of being, well yes, specifically, Independent Podcasters. We can do whatever we want. For a personality like mine, who I really like creative freedoms, but I like somebody to give me a project and let me run with it. I love podcasting.  I love being an Independent Podcaster, where I have full creative control over my show, whatever that means to me. Not only what it means today, but what it means to me tomorrow, what it meant to me yesterday, and those, all three things, can look different. I love that. It’s so worth the work. While yes, it is a lot of work, with your show being your show, you have complete control to change it when you want to or need to, and this is what I love most about podcasting, you sharing your voice with the world. With guests, without guests, with sponsors, without sponsors, you can make it what you want. You can change it 400 times if you want. Sure, people might get annoyed, like it’s a free podcast. Get over it. Really. People love to complain about free stuff, don’t they? Anyway, it’s your show and that is what I love about podcasting. I love it so much. So fun.

00:07:59

Okay, my final podcasting item: bad reviews are a milestone. This is really important if you are about to embark into podcasting or if you just started, or if you have a bunch of bad reviews. Remember, what this means is that it’s no longer only your friends and family listening to your show. You’re actually getting out there. Now, sure, you are going to have trolly people who say something about your giggle, or your laugh, that is just ridiculous. Especially women podcasters, we get stuff about our voices all of the time. But sometimes, those reviews are helpful; they’ll say something about your audio quality, or give you an idea. Take them all with a grain of salt, and remember that it means it’s not just your friends and family listening. Whoo Hoo! 

00:08:47

My next topic is starting a business and having future you in mind. Number one, be in it for the long haul. I’m really serious about this. When you come up with an idea for future you, and maybe it’s a business, maybe it’s a huge project, I want you to take the amount of time that you think it will take you to reach that goal, then, I want you to double it, double it again and then triple it. That amount of time. If you are good with that amount of time to reach your goals, you are going to be well ready for the ups, downs, journeys, pivots and changes needed along the way to reach that goal. The journey is so much fun anyway, or if it isn’t, it’s going to be this awful climb. Who wants that? If you are prepared for the long haul, you aren’t going to give up when six months of effort shows one or two true fans. You’ll see you have two fans you didn’t have six months ago. When a system you spent two months learning or pouring money into doesn’t work, you’ll know it was part of a greater learning process. Finding what doesn’t work is sometimes incredibly powerful, and finding that early is a godsend. So yes, be in it for the long haul.

00:10:04

Number two for starting a business: choose time or money. Look, building a business takes time and money. The less money you have, the more time it will take. The more time you have, the less money you’ll need upfront. Just keep that in mind. Take inventory of your resources, and move forward accordingly. Number three, the power in doing things yourself. I’m a firm believer in doing things yourself when you get started. Especially if money’s an issue. If you have the time, use the time to train yourself, to educate yourself, to build your website, so then, when you have the money to hire a web designer or someone to maintain it, you know what skills you’re looking for. I know the tech behind things. I know right away when a salesperson makes an offer to me, if it’s worth it to me, or not. Usually, the answer is, it isn’t. My business, right now, is me and a dear friend who helps me with podcast editing and post-production. So, I know the skills needed when I’m ready to hire out. I have checklists and documentation ready for those new hires too. I’m spending my time doing that. Just ask my helper. I do! Number four, let future you guide you. Truly so powerful. It’s so easy to have shiny-object syndrome as we create businesses, as we create projects, and unless you have your future self guiding you, you’re just going to jump onto the next shiny object, so let future you guide you.

00:11:38

The last topic is life.  Number one, your GPS.  So incredibly important if I could make you understand your GPS internally, like magic, I would do that. Because when you do the work to uncover the future work that inspires you, you won’t need to look outside of yourself for answers. Your internal GPS will be there with you always. Always. So use her. Find her and use her.  Okay? Rant over. Maybe.

00:12:09

Number two, slow and steady. Look, in life, the five years that you take to build your business, lose weight, or create something amazing, seems so far away now. I know, I know. But when you look back you won’t believe how fast the time went and how far you have come, so where do you want to be five years from now? You don’t have to do everything overnight. Number three, mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. You’ll make more progress when you aren’t afraid of them. Number four, nature. This is personal. I love nature. Be in it as much as possible. It grounds you, and rejuvenates you. I’m ending it there, because I’m off to celebrate. If you liked these and are interested in lessons learned in other areas of my life, like particular parenting areas or maybe from my homeschooling mom years, let me know!

00:13:01

Of course, should you want to discuss any of these more with me, I invite you to join the GPS Support Flock Membership program. I have a discussion space for every episode. Fly on over to YourEmptyNestCoach.com/community to join today, or send me a private message on the socials. You’ll find me @emptynestcoach. Message me with the words Flock membership. I’ll send you the link to learn more. See you online, friend!

[Music]

00:13:28

The questions I have for you in this episode are, do any of these resonate with you? Do you have lessons learned to share with others? If you do, make sure you send it in for a Quick Tip.

[Music]

00:13:43

Today’s quick tip has been submitted by Dale Troy. Had I been a tad more organized, I would have included her tip last week which was on your anxiety about your child heading back to school in the fall. Dale and I are on the same page, of course. Thanks for sharing your tips with us, Dale!

[Music]

00:14:02

Dale:  This is Dale Troy. I’m a college success coach and the founder of Crush College Stress. My tip today is for your college students who are at home, worrying about what college is going to be like in the fall. Some colleges have announced that they plan to reopen. Others have announced that they’ll continue with online classes, but many colleges haven’t even communicated their plan yet. It’s no surprise then, that your college students are feeling anxious, disappointed and even angry.

00:14:36

How can you help your college students? First give them some perspective. It’s always better to focus on what you can control, rather than on what you have no control over. Since reopening, continuing with online classes, or something in between, is the college’s decision, your college student shouldn’t be spending hours complaining or trying to figure out what will happen. It’s much better to be patient, be flexible, and be resilient.

00:15:05

Second, your college student should start thinking about what their goals are for the fall. If they’re going to attend college, they need to have the right attitude. The format may not be perfect. It may not be what they expected, but they can still get a lot out of the semester. The first step is knowing what they want to accomplish, what they want to learn, and what they want to experience. If they don’t have any goals, they won’t be able to take full advantage of what their college does offer.

00:15:33

Third, your college student should practice reducing their stress on a daily basis. There are many simple ways they can feel more calm and more in control. Here are some suggestions: practice guided meditation, using an app on their phone; write in a gratitude journal, three things they are grateful for each day; take a walk in nature, or listen to calming music with their eyes closed. If your college student implements all three strategies, I’m sure they will feel a whole lot better about their situation.

[Music] 

00:16:08

Well my empty nest CEO of Your Life friend, if you enjoyed this episode, I invite you to take a moment to subscribe to this podcast. It is free after all! As always, I provide content to make you think. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. Don’t you dare let the world allow you to forget that you are amazing!  See ya!

[Bloopers]

[Still Listening?]

[End]

99: Anxiety Around My Child Going Back To School

99: Anxiety Around My Child Going Back To School

Hello, my ah-mazing empty nest friend, 

I know it is June, but with colleges beginning to announce their 2020 fall plans, I've heard parent concerns in all areas:

  • I hope they aren't online only!
  • I'm worried about them going back!
  • I'm concerned about it all!

Let's chat a bit about that today, and try an activity. 

Sample

Activity worksheet sample: available to print in the GPS Support Flock.

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"You have the choice to resist a situation or to process through feelings and move on. BUT, until you know what is ahead, enjoy where you are now."

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

Have anxiety about the fall semester for your child? Coach Christine has an activity for you! 💚 #listeningto #midlifemom #emptynestmom #emptynest #MomHelp #MomPodcaster #CollegeParent

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This Episode is Brought To You By

What You Will Learn in this Episode 

  • A New Activity To Try And To Consider For Your CEO Toolbox
  • To Use Presence As A Reset
  • To Work On Processing Through Your Emotions

Quick Tip Submissions

Episode Questions for You To Consider

  1. Are you able to make fall plans for your family members as of yet?
  2. How are your thoughts about fall plans that may exist?

💚  Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now:   https://www.speakpipe.com/EmptyNestCoach  or call/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

First Time Here? Try This Order of Episodes

Episode Resources

Subscribe To This Podcast

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Join the Flock Created For You

"This program was truly a life altering gift. I am a kinder person to myself and a better person to others around me. I have a stronger relationship with my spouse. I have better work relationships. I have the most amazing relationship with my children. But most importantly, I have the best relationship I could have with myself. Thank you, Christine! " ~ Michele D.,  Membership Member & Program Beta Client


FULL TRANSCRIPT: 

Episode 99 of the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast

00:00:00

Christine:  You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast with Coach Christine, episode number 99: Anxiety Around My Child Going Back to School. I work with mothers of high school students and beyond, who are in the trenches with sad and possibly, overwhelming thoughts about what their life will look like when their baby heads to college and begins to leave the nest.  My clients’ big question is what will I do with my time?  Is this you?  I’ve been there, and I get it.  Empowering you to write the next jaw-dropping, amazing chapter in your life is my passion.  I am energized by leading you in the process of exploration and am thrilled when you unlock the power that lies within you.  This podcast is my gift to you.

00:00:49

Hello, my empty nest friend and CEO of Your Life! I hope that you are able to gift yourself with time to work on finding your future self, work on clearing up your thoughts in your days, process through emotions and do the work to uncover your future self. You are so worth it. A quick reminder, that if you find yourself talking back to me at any part of this episode;  if something resonates with you; or if you have a quick tip to share with my audience, please take the opportunity to leave me audio feedback either through SpeakPipe or my Google Voice number. You’ll find the information to do this in the description of this episode: on Apple Podcasts click “Details”; on Spotify click “See More”; on Overcast press the I for information button. Get the idea? Of course I always have full show notes with links to anything I discuss in the episode, and a full episode transcription on my website. Those reside at YourEmptyNestCoach.com/P (for podcast) and 99 (for this episode’s number). (YourEmptyNestCoach.com/P99) I can’t wait to hear from you!

00:01:58

Thanks!  Thank you!  It’s time to thank our sponsor.  This episode is sponsored by my membership community, The GPS Support Flock; Your Flight to Success in the Empty Nest.  If you are ready to find the GPS of your life, sign up to receive an immediate and free download of my PDF, "How to Find Yourself in the Empty Nest," our GPS Life Principles document.  You will also have the opportunity to learn about our community.  See the link in this episode's show notes or fly on over to my website, YourEmptyNestCoach.com.  Click the GPS Support Flock button.  See you soon!   

00:02:46

As I record this, it’s mid-June 2020, some of our children know what their school has planned for them in the fall, some of our children do not. Some schools will be in session, in-person. Some schools will not: elementary, high school, or college. The anxiety around what could happen is real and if left unchecked, could add more stress to you and your household than you already have. In this episode, we are going to assume that your thought deliveries are out of control when you think about your child going back to school.

00:03:19

A couple of things to keep in mind is to please remember that no matter what is announced right now, more than likely your child’s school is still working out thousands of details to make it all happen, whatever the plan is. So if you only get an email with some dates, and a line that says “more details coming soon,” understand that in most cases, the details aren’t known yet, but you’ll know eventually. Also remember that even though it was announced (if it was), things can change. 2020 is the year of pivot, after all, isn’t it? so don’t be surprised if things change yet again.

00:03:57

Now for you, my friend, this is a perfect opportunity to work on training your Protector, on using tools in your CEO toolbox and to work on presence. I cover these in two series on my podcast and you’ll find the links to both in my show notes.  I could just leave it there and end the episode but, how about I give you a new activity to do, that if it works for you, you can add to your toolbox? I want you to discover your main thoughts about your child returning to school and to dig deep on whether or not they are true, and I want you to consciously consider if the thoughts you are having are worth having in this present moment.

00:04:40

GPS Flock Members, I’ll have a PDF for you in our space, if you would like to print it out. If you aren’t a flock member, you may use any piece of paper. At the top of the paper, I want you to write “Back to School.” Then draw two lines to section the paper into quarters. For each quarter I want you to write in the center, at the top of that box, an emotion that you are feeling. Do three of these and in the bottom left corner box I’d like you to write “Peaceful” at the top of that box, no matter what. I’m challenging you here, and I’d like you to write it down even though you may not feel that way.

00:05:16

For each box, I’d like you to then do the part of our CEO Analysis tool where we work through describing how the emotion feels in your body, whether it is positive or negative and give it a number from 1-10, gut reaction there. I’d also like you to consider if this box allows you to move forward in your life at all.  If it does, put a checkmark on it. If you only have one emotion that you’re feeling, that’s totally fine. You’ll have your emotion box then, and the peaceful box in the bottom right. Now, fill in the peaceful box. Pretend for a moment that you are peaceful, and imagine how you would feel if you felt that way. Fill in how your body would feel, whether it’s positive or negative and on a scale from 1-10.

00:06:04

When you’re done. I’d like you to turn the page over and walk away from it. If those emotions come up while you’re away from it, remind yourself that you wrote them down, and can jump into them at any time. But for now, you are going to be present. Go to a place where you can calmly focus on presence. If you’ve never done this before, start with only two minutes. If you’ve done it often, try five or ten. Focus on details of your body, your surroundings. Use all of your senses, or use a sense that you don’t think about normally, maybe it’s something you smell in the air. Look for details that you wouldn’t have noticed had you not gifted yourself with this time. You could look deeply at the wrinkles on your hand, and count them. You could smell the air around you. You could consider your posture and see if you can feel energy within your body. These are just examples. For me, I like to go outside, sit in the grass and look at leaves on trees.

00:07:07

When you feel you’ve had enough time, either go back to the paper that you had started, or if you feel peaceful and want to let it go at that, let it go. There really are no rules here. At some point, you’ll probably head back to that sheet. If you easily find yourself back in one of the emotions that you listed on that sheet, when you think about your child heading back to school, or not heading back to school, whatever the fall looks like for them, then give yourself permission to sit in that emotion. Know you are strong enough to get to the other side of it. Allow yourself the gift of processing through the emotion. While you are in this emotion, see if you can find the primary thought that is causing it for you. Write down the thought if you do. Put it right in that box. Then ask yourself if the thought is true, and is there anything in this moment that you can do about it? 

00:08:05

When you feel you’ve gone through the emotion, and feel you can move on, either gift yourself with more presence, as like a break, or head to the peaceful box on that same page, and write down a thought that you can believe that moves you to more peaceful than you are now. It doesn’t have to be fully peaceful. You’re just taking a baby-step forward.  So write down a thought that you can believe that moves you to more peaceful than you are now.  These baby-steps are powerful. 

00:08:38

Work through this page as you feel led, giving yourself permission to sit in the emotions that you feel, to adjust as you progress, and gift yourself with presence time when you feel confusion about the topic. When you begin to look at the page with clarity on thoughts and can begin to see action items, turn the page over and write the action items down. Any action item should be placed on your calendar with a time to do it, meaning, I’m going to do this on Tuesday, and give myself an hour. Recognizing that that is enough in this moment.

00:09:13

Let’s be real for a moment, none of us knows what the future holds. I think 2020 has proven that. Could your child get the coronavirus and bring it home? Yes, and also no. Both are a possibility. Educating yourself and your child on best practices is about all you can do. Unless your child never leaves the house, the possibility is there, school or no school. Could your child’s school be all online? Sure, it might be, but I know you and your child will be able to handle the change if it comes to that. It may not be what you want, or what they want, or what anyone wants, but life isn’t guaranteed to be what we want. It isn’t guaranteed to be easy, either. Look, life is going to have things that aren’t pleasant. It happens but why live in those moments before they happen?  They might not even happen.

00:10:06

You have the choice to resist a situation or to process through feelings and move on. But until you know what is ahead 100 percent, enjoy where you are now. Enjoy your children being home, if they are, because I’m willing to bet that if they’ve been home for months on end, they aren’t going to rush home anytime soon once they are able to leave.  Prepare the best you can, but also find peace where you can. Allow yourself the gift of feeling your feelings. You are worth it. Keep in mind that your worry over what may happen isn’t helping anyone, especially you. So rather than living in the what-ifs, live in the now with conscious time spent on how to move forward. 

00:10:52

Of course, should you need assistance with navigating your thoughts with this, I am available to the GPS Support Flock Members in multiple ways:  workshops, group support calls, forum questions and more. I have created an online quiz for you to discover if the Support Flock is a good fit for you. If you are curious, fly on over to YourEmptyNestCoach.com/community for the quiz and another community option for my podcast listeners. Or send me a private message on the socials. You’ll find me @emptynestcoach. Message me with the words “Flock membership.” I’ll send you the link to learn more. See you online, friend! [Music] 

00:11:33

The questions I have for you in this episode are: are you able to make fall plans for your family members as of yet? How are your thoughts about fall plans that may exist? [Music]

00:11:52

My Empty Nest friend, we have two quick tips coming to you from a couple of my 2020 Quick Tips Team members: the amazing Susan Stevens and Deirdre Dolan Nesline. You’ll absolutely be able to tell that they both submitted these tips before social distancing. But, here’s the thing, podcasts are out here for a long time, so my hope is that one day they both will make perfect sense again. As I record this, hair salons aren’t allowed to be open. I’m desperately waiting for Susan’s to open so I can get my hair cut. Anyway, thanks for your tips, Susan & Deirdre! [Music] 

00:12:28

Susan:  Susan Stevens, passionate, professional hairstylist, 25 years. My best anti-aging advice, book a consultation at a salon for a new style. Get your hair cut, add some color. Talk to your salon professional about using a dry shampoo and not shampooing every day. Spring is around the corner, and change is truly empowering. [Music]

00:12:54

Deirdre:  Hi, it’s Deirdre from Declutter by Deirdre, and the Magnificent Aging podcast. My tip for this month is donate your gardening equipment and the tools that you’re no longer using to a volunteer chore service or an organization like HomeFront or Habitat for Humanity. Big and small workable tools that will help them restore someone’s home to a clean, safe dwelling are appreciated, and bonus, if you’re lonely or bored, volunteer with some of these organizations and make some caring friends.  Thanks so much for listening. I appreciate you. [Music]

00:13:42

Christine:  Well my empty nest CEO of Your Life friend, if you enjoyed this episode, I invite you to take a moment to subscribe to this podcast. It is free after all! As always, I provide content to make you think. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. Never forget, my friend, that you are amazing! See ya!

[End]

[Bloopers / Still Listening]

[End]

98: How to Deal with Difficult People

98: How to Deal With Difficult People

Hello, my ah-mazing empty nest friend, 

I recorded this episode a few weeks ago. Created for the moments in your life where other humans rub you the wrong way: when you know you have to work around them (or with them), and something about them pushes your buttons.

To be clear, I would not use this process for racist, abusive, or anti-humanity situations.

But for those button-pushers that you need to navigate around in your life, seeking peace within yourself isn't meant to help them, it is to help you. Imagine finding different ways to navigate your interactions going forward. We don't learn these things to quickly tell our friends and family how to do things better so they'll be a better person. Wouldn't it be nice if it were that easy?

No, WE change how we handle things, and then others may want to know more - or they won't - either way, you have more peace in your life. Life gets interesting when peace is within you.

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"Another human in your life is always outside of your fence. You can’t control them. You can’t control their thoughts or actions. What you CAN control is your thoughts about them."

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

⇓⇓⇓ More goodies below, too! Scroll down ⇓, so you don't miss anything! ⇓⇓⇓

That person that ALWAYS rubs you the wrong way - just by showing up? Someone come to mind? Then, this episode is for you: How to Deal with Difficult People 💚 #listeningto #midlifemom #emptynestmom #emptynest #MomHelp #MomPodcaster

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What You Will Learn in this Episode 

  • How to use the concept of a protector to view others differently
  • To remember to protect your energy - and those problematic humans may disappear on their own

Episode Questions for You To Consider

  1. Who did you have in mind when you began listening to this episode? 
  2. How may you picture their protector in a way to provide peace in your life?

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FULL TRANSCRIPT: 

Episode 98 of the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast

00:00:00

Christine:  You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast with Coach Christine, episode number 98: How to Deal With Difficult People. I work with mothers of high school students and beyond, who are in the trenches with sad and possibly, overwhelming thoughts about what their life will look like when their baby heads to college and begins to leave the nest. My clients’ big question is what will I do with my time?  Is this you? I’ve been there, and I get it. Empowering you to write the next jaw-dropping, amazing chapter in your life is my passion. I am energized by leading you in the process of exploration and am thrilled when you unlock the power that lies within you. This podcast is my gift to you.

00:00:46

Hello, my empty nest friend and CEO of Your Life! I’m going to share some personal updates and changes around the podcast with you before I dive on into the topic of this episode. If you want to skip this part, skip ahead a bit. I was all ready to get back into the quick tips episodes but then I realized how much time I was spending on them; a lot of time. I do everything on these episodes, from emailing the team to gather submissions, editing through all post-production including all the social media posts. Here is the thing, I do really enjoy that work, probably because I’m collaborating with a lot of amazing women, but I spent some time recently checking in with future Coach Christine and guess where I ended up? I was led to this statement: let it go, Christine, so that you can spend your time being the best coach and serving others well.

00:01:37

It also became apparent to me that I was unconsciously using this work for the Quick Tips Episodes as a time filler, or almost as an excuse or buffer. Have you been there before?  Meaning that, if I’m not successful in my coaching plans, then I could always blame the time I put into this as why I wasn’t successful. Oh, my goodness!  Have you ever immediately known the answer to something, but because of promises you had already made or because you know it’s going to make you super uncomfortable, you decide to still keep on doing what you are doing? Yes, it happens to me, too, and I want to share those moments with you, because these are the moments where we learn the most about ourselves.  These are the moments where we have the ability to level up. After a few weeks of checking in with myself, doing thought work, working on my CEO Toolbox, I’ve decided to let go of the Quick Tips episodes. Originally, I was going to do two more in June, but alas, they are no more. It feels really good, too.  Once you work through it, get to the other side, it’s like yes, I’ve committed to myself.  This is great.

00:02:47

It was meant to be a year-long experiment.  Well, that’s ending early. I’m really happy with the results, and the work. It is a bittersweet goodbye to a project that I’m crazy proud of. Now, if you have a quick tip to share with my audience, all hope is not lost.  What I’m going to do is have a brand new section of my Friday episodes for these. Today is our first one. Let me know what you think of the new section.

00:03:10

On another note, if you would like to be a guest on this podcast, I’m looking for listeners who have applied lessons from the podcast and would like to share your voice and experience with others. Is this you? Reach out to me, today. A quick reminder, that if you find yourself talking back to me at any part of this episode, or if something resonates with you, please take the opportunity to leave me audio feedback, either through SpeakPipe or my Google Voice number. You’ll find the information to do this in the description of this episode: on Apple Podcasts click “Details”; on Spotify click “See More”; on Overcast press the I for information button. Get the idea? Of course I always have full show notes with links to anything I discuss in the episode, and a full episode transcription on my website. 

Those reside at YourEmptyNestCoach.com. I can’t wait to hear from you!

00:03:59

Thanks!  Thank you!  It’s time to thank our sponsor.  This episode is sponsored by my membership community, The GPS Support Flock; Your Flight to Success in the Empty Nest.  If you are ready to find the GPS of your life, sign up to receive an immediate and free download of my PDF, "How to Find Yourself in the Empty Nest," our GPS Life Principles document.  You will also have the opportunity to learn about our community.  See the link in this episode's show notes or fly on over to my website, YourEmptyNestCoach.com.  Click the GPS Support Flock button.  See you soon! 

00:04:43

To continue some thank yous, one of my clients sent me this recently. 

“So glad to have your podcasts and love the way you’ve adapted to the "not so empty nest". You have been of TREMENDOUS help and I've applied your advice and approach with great success. I am starting a part time job that is exactly what I have dreamed of!! Can't believe it. Applying the idea of keeping the "protectors" at bay was very instrumental. (Long-winded note - but I really want to share with you how valuable your support and overall approach has been from the very beginning)."

Thank you, amazing lady, for your continued encouragement. You know who you are. 

00:05:32

[Birds chirping] 

Ah, isn’t it wonderful that your life is peaceful? It is incredible that you don’t have a single person that ever drives you crazy, grates on your nerves, annoys you, or you simply can’t stand. That you shower every human you meet with patience, grace, mercy and love. How can you not love them?  They are a beautiful human and wonderful.

00:06:04

[Rolling thunder]

Okay, back to reality. I’m going to make the assumption today that what I just described to you sounds like a fantasy-land. That you can’t imagine anyone living like that. I’m also going to assume that you do have a handful of individuals in your life who you would consider to be difficult to be around. If that sounds more like your life, then this episode is for you. If you are a loyal listener, I’m willing to bet you already know where this is headed, but I want to give you extra imagery to assist you in moving forward. To assist you when you do, heaven forbid, run into difficult humans. 

00:06:44

I will be using vocabulary in this episode that I use often, but may be new to you, should you be a newer listener. If the mention of thought-deliveries, your Protector, and the fence that you have in your life makes you wonder what I’m talking about, I recommend that you check out some of my earlier series of episodes for clarification on how I use these terms. Links are in my show notes. High-level, though, and a quick refresher for everyone: your thoughts are something you choose. Imagine that your mind is like a house; that it’s fenced in. Imagine also, that you have a Protector, a security guard of sorts, who protects your mind’s property, everything you can control in your life. 

00:07:26

Your Protector distributes your thought-deliveries and does one of three things: handles the thought-delivery for you; provides you with a status report on what has arrived; or forces the thought-deliveries into your property, making that all that you see. How your protector handles your thought-deliveries has everything to do with how well you have trained them. Ultimately though, you control everything within your fence, and that is all you control. 

00:07:54

With that high-level review, let's return to the difficult people in your life. There are two things at play here, one, your thought delivery about the difficult person and two, other humans have their own Protector. Let’s look at your thought-deliveries first, since that is what we are able to control. Remember, another human in your life is always outside of your fence. You can’t control them; you can’t control their thoughts or their actions. What you can control is your thoughts about them. If the moment they appear in your life, you have thoughts such as: she drives me crazy; he is awful; this human gets on my nerves so bad; why are they so annoying; I can’t stand them. Well, my friend, those are all thoughts. Thought-deliveries that your Protector has marked high priority and forced in for you to open and deal with. Ask yourself if any of those thought-deliveries bring a positive sensation to you?

00:08:49

Actually, try something for me? Imagine a rock; a smooth grey rock. You find it on the ground. You pick it up, and think to yourself, this is a lovely rock. How do you feel imagining this? 

Now, what if you picked it up the same rock but this time think to yourself, I can’t stand rocks. Do you have a different sensation? I sure do, and it’s a rock. It hasn’t done anything to me outside of being a rock. With that rock in mind, imagine the thought-deliveries you label around difficult humans, and the impact it has upon your life. The rock isn’t impacted by your thought, and neither is the difficult human. Also, the moment you label someone as difficult, you’ve jumped right from a human being outside of your fence all the way into your thought-delivery and sensation. We can assume that your Protector is not well trained.

00:09:46

Understand that there’s a difference between observing Jane Doe as talkative, and then finding a thought around it, versus observing Jane Doe and thinking she’s annoying. Another thing, did you, by any chance, notice that one of the thought-deliveries that I listed initially is a question? We have to be very careful with questions sent in as thought-deliveries, and should train our mind to return those to sender immediately.

00:10:15

The question was, “Why are they so annoying?” My friend, your brain is an amazing machine and it wants to serve you well. If you ask it a question, it’s going to try to find an answer for you, so when you ask it, “Why is Jane Doe so annoying,” guess what you’re going to get back? All the reasons you can find that makes Jane Doe a nightmare for you to deal with. If you were instead, to catch yourself in something like this and flip the question around to say, “What are strengths that Jane Doe has?” or “What challenges does Jane Doe have in her life that I can assist her with?” Now you are putting your brain to work for good. Let’s save our mind’s energy for consciously choosing to solve things in our life that impacts us the greatest.

00:11:03

Now to pop back to the second concept at play, when we have “difficult” people in our lives. If you are still listening, you more than likely understand your Protector and how to (or that you should) train them, which allows you to keep in mind that other humans have a Protector, also. This allows you to lighten up your interactions with your designated humans and I encourage you to have fun with this. Remember, most humans have no clue that they have a Protector of sorts. They are not present enough in their life to observe their thoughts, to consider their thoughts as optional, which means they live in an obscured, reactive mode most of their life. They react to others without any thought as to the why. Sometimes they react a certain way because that is what they are supposed to do, it may not even be a conscious choice for them. 

00:11:58

You can understand this because you lived most of your life living this way, and you now see the impact this, and knowing this, has made into your life. Knowing that Jane Doe coming up to you and you don’t have to think she’s an awful human, you can choose a different thought.  That, my friend, is life-changing. I share this with you not for you to start going around and telling people everywhere that they have a Protector and that they better start proper training to get a handle on their life. No. This isn’t something you can throw at someone, run away and expect change. I mean, I guess you can do that, but it’s not something I recommend. 

00:12:37

I say this often, but remember this work is your work. Those other humans are outside of your fence. You can’t make them understand this and you certainly can’t make them want to hear it. What you can do is begin to be curious about their Protector. Keep it to yourself, in your mind.  Begin to notice that the difficultness you see in them isn’t them. It isn’t their underlying essence of who they are. Actually, they probably have no idea who that would even be if you asked them.  No, you have the pleasure of interacting with their Protector who is on high-alert, takes their job seriously, and bosses them around. Which allows you to approach your future interactions with this human in some new ways to make your life more peaceful. 

00:13:28

One way is that you can find a way to imagine their Protector in a way that makes you love who the person is underneath, in a way that helps you to want to know more, to listen and to reach out.  This is all for you to keep to yourself. For some people, I’ll imagine a five-year-old in a sandbox throwing sand. They think that sandbox is all they have and they are protecting their work, not knowing that there is a whole huge world outside of that sandbox, and thank goodness it’s only sand they are throwing. For others, I imagine a flat-out bully for their Protector. I imagine that the human underneath is cowering in a corner, afraid to push back on their Protector because if they did they might have to face who they are, and they have no idea who that would be. You can imagine anything you want here. The goal is to bring peace to your life, friend. That is what this is for, not to have the knowledge to educate them. Tricky, isn’t it? 

00:14:31

The second thing you can do when imagining another human’s Protector is to remember that when their Protector comes at you, they are looking for energy. Their Protector wants to prove their worth; to let their human know that they do such an incredible job that they’ll always need them.  Should you now begin to react differently to this Jane Doe human, and provide them with no energy back, their Protector will become bored with you and will search out others to kind of feed off of in a way.  Isn’t there a book out now about energy vampires? There is a character in the show “What We Do In The Shadows” who is an energy vampire, and his introduction to the office I found hysterical. It is like that though. Imagine that their Protector is normally on high-alert with you.

00:15:23

The Protector is the one you deal with after all, and that that Protector is looking for reasons to send thought-deliveries to their human who they protect, but if you stop giving them reason to do so, one of two things will happen.  One, the human will go find someone else to be around (you won’t even have to ask them to leave, it will happen. It’s looking for other energy). Two, the human’s protector will be curious, and maybe confused, and you may find, over time, that your relationship with this other human completely changes in a positive way. As someone who has been noticing this for a while now, what is super interesting to me is the people who will disappear from your life and the people who will change naturally. It is absolutely fascinating.

00:16:12

My theory, after seeing this enough in my life and in my client’s lives, is that those who move quickly to others are so controlled by their Protector that they can’t for a moment consider anything else, and all they know is that you aren’t providing them with the energy you used to. Life, everyday life, becomes entertaining when you begin to see Protectors for others. Some lovingly hug their human and respect their human knowing they know what is best. Others are a big old bully. They are ten feet ahead of their human clearing the way for anything that could possibly be an obstacle for them. No one, not even that human, knows who is behind them.

00:16:55 

Between that image and the image of different Protectors, yes, I’ve been highly entertained. There are days, of course, when I forget all of this and react. But thankfully, the change, of course, is usually fairly quick now, because I see the energy exchange clearly, and it becomes much more fun to throw people off course with unexpected reactions, than to hand them over control of my emotions and to give them energy that reactively comes right back to me. Give it a try. Let me know if anything in this resonates with you. Also, please notice that I didn’t title this episode abusive people. I titled it difficult people. So use this in relationships that test you, and that you are stuck in for now, to gain peace in your life.  With this knowledge and the ability to set boundaries for yourself, there is a chance that you will gain clarity on relationships that you have been confused about to date. This takes time though, friend, so have fun with it, don’t be surprised when relationships change, and see where it takes you.

00:17:59

Of course, should you need help with this, I am available to the GPS Support Flock Members in multiple ways:  workshops, group coaching, forum questions and more. I have also created an online quiz for you to discover if the Support Flock is a good fit for you. If you are curious, fly on over to YourEmptyNestCoach.com/community for the quiz and another community option for my podcast listeners, or send me a private message on the socials. You’ll find me @emptynestcoach. Message me the words Flock membership and I’ll send you the link to learn more. See you online, friend! [Music]

00:18:37

The questions I have for you in this episode are, who did you have in mind when you began listening to this episode? And, how may you picture their Protector in a way to provide peace in your life? 

00:18:52

Christine? Christine? Christine? Where are you? Have you had a chance to read Judy Holland’s book: Happinest: Finding Fulfillment When Your Kids Leave Home? I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to review her book, and found my name on the back cover as an endorsement. How fun is that? Judy has expertly curated information for anyone adjusting to the empty nest. Definitely check it out. Link will be in my show notes. Hashtag, not an affiliate. [Music]

00:19:29

My Empty Nest friend, today’s quick tip comes from Laurie of Travel Tips by Laurie. Her tips were submitted before our physical restrictions went into place, and as someone who follows Laurie, I can tell you if you are looking for the most recent updates to airline travel, definitely follow her. She has up to date information. Thanks for sharing your tips with us, Laurie. 

[Music]

00:19:57

Laurie:  Hi, Christine.  I thought some of your empty nesters have saved money to spread their wings, now that their kids are spreading their wings.  I have six travel tips and tricks for hotel rooms, in case they want to now visit their kids or visit the world.  I’m a Houston-area pilot’s wife, and I share tips and tricks on my “Travel Tips by Laurie” Youtube channel to help people travel the globe without a worry in the world.

00:20:22

My brilliant subscribers have shared their travel hacks with me, and I have learned some from the many mistakes I have made while traveling.  The number one tip or trick for a hotel room is to use the paper coffee cup in your hotel room for makeup brushes.  Just put them in a plastic baggy, in your suitcase, and then when you get in the hotel room, just drop them in that paper coffee cup.  Number two is a travel hack that a mother of three grown daughters gave to me. This hack is to use the ironing board as an extension of your countertop for your toiletries, your makeup, a curling iron, but be sure to use a washrag or a towel to cover up that ironing board, in case someone’s trying to iron a white shirt later, and they’ll get makeup on it.  My pictures and my videos do this a lot more justice.

00:21:11

The number three travel hack is to put the Do Not Disturb sign on the doorknob, even when you’re touring the city, to deter burglars, because they think you’re in your room, when really, you’re out touring, but you’ve put that Do Not Disturb sign on the doorknob. The fourth travel hack is to point your shoes in the direction of the nearest stairwell, in case there’s heavy smoke from a fire in the middle of the night, you know where that elevator is, but you might not be thinking clearly in the middle of the night to remember which stairwell is the closest.

00:21:42

Number five is to use the hotel dry cleaning plastic bag to pack your bathing suit, or hiking shoes that are still wet, and my favorite travel hack of all times is number six, and that’s to use the pants coat hanger to keep your hotel curtains closed, so that that bright sunshine light does not wake you in the morning when you wake up.  You can find me on Youtube at “Travel Tips by Laurie.”  I hope these help.  Thanks again, Christine.

[Music]

00:22:09

Christine:  Well my empty nest, CEO of Your Life, friend, if you enjoyed this episode, I invite you to take a moment to subscribe to this podcast. It is free after all! As always, I provide content to make you think. My hope is that I am able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. I saw writing in the sky today that told me that you are amazing!  See ya!

[Bloopers]

[End]