30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success: The Story You Have About Your Role In Your Child’s Future 💚 (27/30)

30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success: The Story You Have About Your Role In Your Child's Future💚 (27/30)

In this podcast episode we talk about future stories we tell ourselves with a focus on the parent-child relationship.

💬 "...I encourage you to pay attention to the future stories you have and the stakes you have assigned to them."

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Looking for an episode transcript? You'll find it below! 

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:43 Skip the intro & jump into today's topic
  • 07:27 Journal Prompt

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"...I encourage you to pay attention to the future stories you have and the stakes you have assigned to them."

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The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 194

30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success: The Story You Have About Your Role In Your Child's Future💚 (27/30)

FULL TRANSCRIPT

[level-up music]

The story you have about your role in your child's future is our topic for today (Day 27) in the 30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success. 

[level-up music]

If this is your first time listening,  know we are diving into the challenge content. If you like what you hear, jump back to the episode titled “Getting Started with the 30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success” and then work your way through from the beginning - or visit EmptyNestSuccess.com to sign up for daily or weekly email delivery of this challenge that will lead you to companion videos, additional journal prompts, resources and more! 

Here we go: 

[end music]

00:43

Amazing human and beautiful soul, if you are excited to dive into more of these concepts - to ask questions, perhaps receive coaching around them and for your specific needs, I invite you to take a look at the show notes for a link leading you to the ways you may connect and work with me as your coach - or you’ll find them all  at EmptyNestSuccess.com. 

Also, a reminder that I have created a free PDF companion workbook for this challenge that includes a list of topics, information about me, worksheets and some extra bonuses.

[level-up music] 

Onto our topic: the story about your role in your child's future. Let's take all of the concepts that we've talked about so far and put them together. High-level, this challenge has introduced and encouraged thought work - paying attention to your thought-box-deliveries; noticing and feeling your emotions; updating stories that may never come true, and learning who you are while remembering your adult child needs the space to figure out who they are. All of this while also considering transitioning into a coach role for your child.

Know that while you may have great plans for grandchildren and babysitting them or, not babysitting them or having your own life with a few yearly check-ins - and while you may have specific plans, your child a) may not be thinking that far ahead and  b) may have a different version, right now, of what they would like your future relationship to look like. 

Life is all about change. And with this, know that it is going to change for both of you as both of you grow into your next versions of who you are - or discover who you have always been under all the other duties you have been assigned in life. 

Trust that you’ll figure it out as you go. 

Embrace the coach role and remember that they have every right to the ideas, plans and feelings that they have. Your job is to create your own amazing life and you’ll figure out the relationship as you move along. 

Pressuring any other human to deliver or change to make us more comfortable is a lose lose situation - and when that someone is our child the stakes are even higher. 

[sigh] whew, yeah, I know that was a bit of an ouch, but someone listening needed to hear it. 

03:12

When you catch yourself telling future-stories about your relationship together, remember that, at best, you are guessing what the future may look like. If you were to state that future-guess as a fact and it involves another human’s life…. there’s bound to be some sort of response, to put it lightly.

In the analogy we are building on your way to becoming The Conscious Effective Olympian (C.E.O.) of your life, remember that the future is outside of your fence. It is! Someone else’s story about the future? That’s also outside of your fence. If you choose to bring it in and feel the need to manage it - that’s kind of on you. 

Let others have their stories. 

Any story that you decide to tell  (to yourself or others) about your role and your child's future, whether it's, 

  • They're not going to give me grandkids.

  • I'm going to be super involved in their life! 

  • They’ll live so far away, I'm never going to see them.

  • or whatever the thoughts you have about your role in their future…. 

For all of these, I encourage you to pay attention to the future stories you have and the stakes you have assigned to them. When you notice the stories you tell (or maybe it’s a single thought), see if it is one that feels good, and if not, update it. Sure, dream about what you would like as long as it feels good but be careful with whom you share it with and the stakes you put on it - of that future story becoming a reality. 

If you aren’t able to come up with anything for your parent-child relationship that feels better, here are some starter statements to try (they’re general): 

[upbeat music begins in background]

I'm thrilled that my child has made it to adulthood. I know in each moment in the past I did the best I could with the resources I had for me at that time, and I will continue to do so - my child will too! Over the years, we have created a relationship - one that can stay the same or change. I look for ways to show my adult child that I love and care for their uniqueness. I’m thankful when I’m included in their life. I’m learning to become a safe space for them and they - maybe, after initially doubting it - have learned to appreciate it. I’m ecstatic that I get to show up fully as myself and they get to show up fully as themself as our relationship grows in the future. 

[end music]

You certainly don’t have to say anything like this to yourself, but how would something like this feel? You can use it as a starting point, adjust it, play with it, or start from scratch. 

Absolutely, dream about all the things you’d like to see in the future but remember they are your dreams. Take stock and see what in those dreams of yours you are able to make progress toward and do so when you are inspired to take action.

As for you and your child, you can show up believing that it will be like that one day, (whatever your dream is) and in the meantime, be thankful for every moment you have with them in your life now. 

And for those of you, who maybe your child isn’t in your life - for whatever reason- give yourself hope. Work on loving them for who they are. It has the opportunity to heal and you can love them even if they aren’t in your life.

And, of course, remember that the relationship with your child is yours. It  doesn't have to look the way society has told you it should. 

Should you be interested, I speak more on topics about the future in  Day 8 of the Empty Nest Success challenge - that’s titled “ Their Future - What’s Your Story?“. You’ll also find future topics mentioned in episodes 13: Empty Nest Success: Future You Has All the Power; 17: Empty Nest Success: Green Popsicle Stick; 20: Empty Nest Success: You Found Future You! Now for the, “How?”; 71: Empty Nest Success: The Past and the Future Are Outside of Your Fence; and, finally, 138: Empty Nest Success: Shared Future Goals. Links will, as always, will be in the show notes.

07:27

[level-up music]

Your journal prompt for today is … reflect on your current ideas and expectations about your future relationship with your child. Be curious if you have any preconceived notions you might want to let go of in order to allow you to thrive while your child becomes all they are meant to be?

And here are some extra prompts: What thought-box-deliveries arrive when the idea that that story may not happen enters your mind? What is Your Protector doing the thought-box-deliveries, and what emotions show up for you?

As always, don’t forget to consider some better feeling thoughts. 

[exit music - upbeat]

Thanks for listening today, check in with your future stories - in all areas of your life - and don’t you dare forget that you are amazing! 

Chat next time!

[end]

Your Empty Nest Coach Christine has her arms out wide and looking up to the sky while in nature, text leads to the online home for the 30-Day  Challenge to Empty Nest Success

30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success

It's time to take control of your new reality and turn it into a positive experience. Do the FREE 30-Day Challenge to Empty Nest Success and get started on your amazing new chapter in life! All are welcome - whether the empty nest is ahead or you've been in it for years and anywhere between.