165: Empty Nest Success – Life AUDITs, Trusting Yourself & Guest Cindy Muchnick of The Parent Compass💚

165: Empty Nest Success - Life AUDITs, Trusting Yourself & Guest Cindy Muchnick of The Parent Compass💚

Hello, my amazing friend. 👋

Do you AUDIT your life? Do you trust yourself? Do you live your life through your teen child? 

I'm super thankful for you, my amazing listener. 💚

As always, I'm cheering you on! 🎉

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"... how can you trust yourself if you don't know yourself?"

Listen now or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

🔽 More goodies are below, too! Please scroll down 🔽to see them all! 🔽 🔽 🔽 

This Episode is Brought To You By

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:00  Podcast intro
  • 00:52  Quick Reminders
  • 01:59  My Wish For You Today - Be in the Now
  • 02:42  New Things - Part 1: 2022, 2023
  • 04:31  New Things  - Part 2: A Magic Mind Update
  • 06:08  My Lessons Learned: Your Life's Traffic - Who do you trust? 
  • 09:39  Ask Coach Christine: Post-divorce, I might not want a partner again. Should I be concerned?  
  • 12:38  Christine? Where are You? I stopped by the Live Well & Fully podcast.
  • 13:34  What's In Your Life's Toolbox? AUDIT
  • 18:07  Let's Find the Funny - Taskmaster (again)
  • 18:44  What I Wish My Parents Knew - Guest Cindy Muchnick, co-author of the Parent Compass
  • 21:13  Two Questions For You
  • 22:16  Bloopers 😆
  • 22:51  Still listening?  - C.E.O. Training Team Information & Offer

Episode Questions For You To Consider

  1. Do you know who you are? 
  2. Do you like who you are? 

💚Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

First Time Here? Try This Order of Episodes

Episode Resources

* affiliate link to SupaPass - which powers our community! Should you purchase using the link, I make a commission.

You are preparing for the empty nest ahead as your child(ren) prepares, heads off to, and experiences college (or not college) and life.

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The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 165

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #165. If this isn't your first time listening and you want to skip the introduction portion feel free to tap forward a couple of times. In this podcast, I focus on helping parents who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though; all are welcome here, as I’m focused on coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life, and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up

[level-up music]

your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.

I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. 

Here we go..

[up beat music]

00:00:52

This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.

00:01:21 

Before we dive in - a special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass. SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. Register today for a free account to unlock a sampling of those resources - head over to  EmptyNestSuccess.com - where you may also support this podcast, join the C.E.O. Training Team, or purchase other premium content.

Want to know more about the C.E.O. Training team? I’ll share more at the tail end of this episode. 

If you are here looking for something specific or would like to hop around within this episode, you’ll find time markers in the show notes.

00:01:59

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Wish for You Today

My wish for you today is that you are able to sit in the simmer that is your life: meaning that you are able to “Be” in the NOW, this moment right here, and the next moment, and the next moment. These moments are your life. This is what matters. Breathe in and out, take in what is, feel the emotions and get to the other side of them. What are they telling you about your thoughts, and how can you change those thoughts so that the next moment is just as good or better than your last moment? You’ve got this!

00:02:42 

[computer game level up music (short)] 

New Things. New Things. New Things!

My personal life has so many new things, I can barely keep up with myself. How are your new things going? Whether your new thing is adjusting to the idea of your child becoming an adult, or you are writing a book. Each new thing is progress in learning more about who you are. I’m so excited for you!

For me, I will be a bit quieter on social media for a few months. I was just reading a transcript of a video I made in 2021 about “The Things I Plan to do in 2022.” Oo, that’s funny. [giggles] Life had other plans for me, and that is TOTALLY okay. While this year wasn’t so much about growing my podcast and coaching business, it was VERY much about settling into my life now that the divorce has been finalized - I could list all those things but that would need 2 or 3 episodes on its own. 

Now, in November, I did my 2023 planning early and much of the next year will be about having fun preparing for 2024 and beyond. 

And I’m not kidding when I say having fun is going to be my biggest focus - even when I’m doing things I wouldn’t normally consider fun. There very well may be seasons in 2023 that feel like I’ve disappeared, or am hibernating. But don’t be fooled, I’ll be establishing strong roots (like the root system of the mighty Oak tree) - yes, there is a reason I changed my last name to include Oak in it. 

But no matter what 2024 brings for me, I’m so freaking excited to follow my joy, my bliss and to be selfishly happy in all that I do in 2023. Want to join me?   

00:04:31  

In my last episode, I mentioned that I was trying Magic Mind, a green drink shot that is designed to take with your coffee  - or if you aren’t a coffee drinker - you can use Magic Mind all on its own. More than 30 days after starting Magic Mind… what are my thoughts? 

This elixir has allowed me to decrease my coffee intake - without drama - has allowed me to be way more focused on the things that matter, and has coincided with some large decisions in my life - can I say it is all because of Magic Mind? Probably not, but I do believe that the mental clarity I’ve received from taking Magic Mind was a significant part of some of my decisions this month. That feels amazing. 

Magic Mind has become a regular part of my life and now sits in the top drawer of my C.E.O. Toolbox

Magic Mind has provided a 20% off code to share with listeners of my podcast. The code is FEELAMAZING20. To use it, visit magicmind.co slash FEELAMAZING and enter the code FEELAMAZING20 - all caps - at checkout. You’ll find this information in my show notes. 

Not quite sure about it - no worries - Magic Mind does have a money back guarantee AND if you sign up for the subscription it's 40% off right now - that’s the one I signed up for! That 40% code, though, only lasts 10 days from your first click through, so don’t miss out on it. If you do order through my link and would like to share your experience in an upcoming episode, let me know!  

00:06:08

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Lessons Learned

Your Life’s Traffic - Who Do You Trust? 

Here I go again with the analogies, and I do love analogies. 

This one is about trusting the information you have about YOU and YOUR life. 

I used to walk early in the mornings and sometimes would cross a large road - one with four lanes. 

An advantage to crossing early in the morning was that there was no traffic. If there was any - you could see it coming easily - no running across the highway needed. Disadvantages to crossing early in the morning? Honestly, I can’t think of any, unless you hate mornings. 

The road I’m thinking of is one that if you knew the area and I told you I was randomly walking across it in the morning -  you might stop in your tracks - especially if I didn’t mention the time of day - but for some, that wouldn’t even matter. They may say: 

Wait, what do you mean? The traffic is so busy there! Why would you walk there? You walk in that area? Where are you walking to? Why wouldn’t you just drive? 

These are just some sample thoughts others could share. 

Now, who knows, really, what the road and area was like when I was there? Me and me. Maybe a random car that I waited to drive by, but usually it was just me. 

If I was then influenced by this other person’s thoughts about my walk and made changes based on it - how much sense would that make?

Do they know the situation? Did they know the weather? The planning I took? The safety measures I put in place? The nothingness of traffic? 

No, they don’t. Yet, how often in life do we allow other people’s words - their thoughts - about our happenings in life - directly influence us. 

As if they spend time in our minds and know all the things we’ve processed. 

Sometimes these people aren’t even a part of our support system - and we still allow their comments to change our course.  

While I’m not saying to ignore all the people and things out there in the world, what I am saying is keep in mind that they don’t know all the things all the time.

Support system or not, do you trust yourself as you cross the streets in your life? As you take steps moving forward in your life?

A more important question is how can you trust yourself if you don’t know yourself? For many of us, we think we are following our own inner guidance but upon deeper reflection we discover that we are really following the voices and direction of many other influences in our life.  

Your GPS of your life ultimately should be your inner guidance. YOU. You are the only person, after all, with you from the moment you are born until your last breath. Learn to love yourself, learn to be your own biggest fan, and gift yourself with discovering who you are. You are so worth it. 

Inner guidance sounds amazing doesn’t it? The honest truth is it takes patience, time, continued observation and a joyous investment in your evolution to uncover your inner guidance. If you want to know more, my earlier episodes will help you get started.

00:09:39

[computer game level up music (short)] 

Ask Coach Christine

Christine, I’m going through a divorce, and I’m not sure I’ll ever want to be with another partner again. Should I be concerned?

If you do the work to heal, to discover who you are and love who you are, and come to the conclusion that you don’t want another partner. What’s the big deal? 

If you are scared that you’ll never find love again, don’t beat yourself up for feeling that way but also see that it is a thought that isn’t serving you right now. And depending on how long it has been, it may not be a great idea to jump into another relationship right away, anyway. That new relationship may end up looking just like the one you got out of because that probably feels super comfortable to you - even if it wasn’t great. 

I’m not one to judge, and I’m not going to tell you what to do, but I would encourage you to take time to fall in love with you first, if you aren’t there already. If you don’t love yourself, if you don’t know who you are, how do you know who would be a good partner for you? 

What if you love yourself enough to know quickly who isn’t a fit? That would be amazing wouldn’t it? 

What if you love yourself enough to not settle because sure, it may be great to not be alone but also, being with the wrong person can be a bit of a drag. 

What if you love yourself enough to protect yourself? 

What if you went into your next relationship in a way that wasn’t looking for them to make you feel loved but enter it already loving yourself, enter it looking for someone who also gets this and doesn’t need you to perform a certain way for them to feel loved. 

What if the two of you come together - have so much fun together, and love each other for who you are and who you will be? 

Sounds amazing doesn’t it? 

I don’t know about you but I get so freakin’ inspired when I see couples like this. They give me hope. You know these couples…or maybe you don’t because, honestly, they do seem to be few and far between - but they get so excited to spend time with one another. Yet, they appreciate their differences and even celebrate them, and always celebrate each other. 

So whether you are about to enter your amazing next phase of life that won’t include a partner or will include a partner, How well do you know you? How much do you love you? Fall in lo ve with you and what is there to be concerned about. Partner or not? You’ve made it further than most people in this lifetime. And why wouldn’t you love yourself? You are amazing! 

00:12:38

[quirky music under segment]

Christine? Christine? Christine, where are you?

In my last episode, guest Barbara Decker stopped by. She has released her interview with me on her podcast: Live Well and Fully - you’ll find me on episode 5. Barbara has incredible guests on her show so take a listen to her other episodes as well!  

Something fun that happened - is that when Barbara and I met online for the interview, we discovered that we live within driving distance from one another. We met up for breakfast recently and that was so much fun! 

The amazing humans that I have been able to meet through this podcast and work has been incredible. 

Of course, I’m here, on this podcast every month, and I’m so thankful for your time listening to this podcast.

00:13:34

[computer game level up music (short)]

What’s in your life’s toolbox?

Your C.E.O. Toolbox is the analogy we use here for items and resources that help you get through tough moments, enjoy the amazing moments, and then also do the deeper work, as needed. The top of your toolbox should be stocked with your go-to resources for when you need assistance getting through the next moment or day type of times… the bottom of your toolbox is for resources for deeper level work - these are things that take a little more time and you wouldn’t have time to do in an emergency. Your C.E.O. Toolbox is yours. It should have the things that work for you, and you should take inventory from time to time because sometimes things that worked for you two years ago or a month ago, just won’t work any longer.

Today’s resource is A Universe Do It List, or AUDIT.

I first heard mention of this in an Abraham-Hicks video. It was shared that Esther Hicks would write down on a page a special to-do list. 

This list would be on a page turned sideways - imagine it in landscape mode- with a vertical line down the center creating two columns. At the top of the two columns the title would be on the left: To Do - Me and the title on the right would be To Do - Universe. 

For me, a lover of lists and also someone who likes to write things down, I decided to try this. 

I started this on a whim and thought I’d do it for a few days, but I’ve now been doing this for over a month and it is a bit of a game-changer - at least it’s been for me. 

So, if you’d like to give it a try, here are a few things to keep in mind, or to try:

  • For the right side column, while I use To do - Universe… that word (universe) should be replaced by whatever/whomever you find comfort in when you're alone - be it God, Spirit, Jesus or something else. This list is for you and should be a word that works for you.
  • Next, I’ve been doing these daily, so left column, for me,  are simple things I have to do that day - like a 3-6 point bullet list of things such as - make dr appointment, go to work, clean something - those types of things - usually straight-forward, things that do not need a lot of thinking or processing time but I really need to do today.
  • Then, anything else on my mind that is for future projects or plans, thoughts that take up my mental energy, those things I place on the right side. Allowing myself to let them go for now.
  • You may find that’s enough and might throw the paper away at that point.
  • What I’ve found I like to do is I take the list and fold it in half so I only see the TO DO - Me side. And on days when I can easily have that with me, I keep it with me. I use it to write notes on and cross off the things I’ve done. I decided to hold on to them for a little bit because I’ve found it incredibly fun to go back and look at things from 2-3 weeks ago that I put on that right column. Almost all of them easily resolved when the time was right - and by writing them down, I didn’t feel like I had to give them mental energy in the meantime. 
  • I shared this with my clients and they came back loving this activity - and each for different reasons. One of them asked me what I call this tool. And I hadn’t even thought of it - because I got it from someone else - but as I was assembling this episode, the word AUDIT came to mind. 

AUDIT - A- U-D-I-T stands for A Universe Do It List

I realize that won’t work for you if you use something other than Universe in that right column, but I’m going to go with AUDIT. It feels right. The reminder to audit what you actually have the ability to do in a day's time - or whatever length of time you are using for your AUDIT, that is powerful. 

While I’ve been using this daily, I initially thought it was a top of the toolbox item. What I’m finding is that the more I use it consistently its become a  bottom of the toolbox item as it allows me to consider the things that I’m meant to focus on - freeing up time for me to enjoy who I am in my day ahead. And learn a lot about myself. It’s been so much fun. 

00:18:07

Let’s find the funny!

[giggles from others]

I believe in the power of laughter for a quick reset when needed, and this is why I include this section within my monthly episodes.

I know I’ve mentioned before how much I love the show Taskmaster. Without fail, there is always a moment where I laugh out loud. Their official YouTube channel has some outtakes from seasons: super fun. I’ve linked Series 14 Outtakes - Part 2 on YouTube in the show notes. Enjoy that video or any of the content on the Taskmaster channel, if you need a laugh.

00:18:44

[computer game level up music (short)] 

What I Wish My Parents Knew

Today I welcome guest Cindy Muchnick, co-author of one of my favorite books for parents of teens: The Parent Compass. It’s an amazing book. Where I encourage you to transition into becoming a coach to your children, Cindy uses the word consultant. 

Knowing that, it’s not so shocking why I love The Parent Compass so very much. I am thrilled that Cindy shared an audio with us for this podcast answering the question: What do you wish every parent knew? 

00:19:19

This is Cindy Muchnick, co author of The Parent Compass, navigating your teens wellness and academic journey in today's competitive world. Here's what I wish every parent knew:

Look at the teen or tween that you have in front of you, and appreciate them for who they are, not for the child you're trying to inauthentically create. 

What do I mean by that? 

Look at this student, look at this person, look at this teen human and allow them to make the choices that they want to make in the interest that they have; in the courses that they want to take; in the mistakes that they make along the way. And appreciate them for who they are. You had your turn to be a teenager. And now it's their turn. 

You can be there to guide them shoulder to shoulder but not as their manager fixing and micromanaging more as a consultant that offers advice and support when needed when asked for and appreciate that teenager for who they are. That means lock into what their interests are. 

If you have a teen who's interested in the stock market, ask them questions about it. If you have a teen that's interested in fantasy football, ask them about it. Learn more about it. If you have a teen that's interested in flying the trapeze, then learn more about that to be interested in what excites them and appreciate them for who they are as individuals, not carbon copies of you. Not some person that is your trophy, but a human being who is figuring out life and trying to navigate the best they can with you as their cheerleader.

I couldn’t love this more than I do. Well said, Cindy. 

My listener, if you haven’t already checked out the book, The Parent Compass, please do! And if you need some assistance figuring out who you are as you adjust to your new parenting role, the C.E.O. Training Team may be the perfect place for you!

00:21:13

Two Questions for You

Question 1: Do you know who you are? 

 and Question 2: Do you love who you are? 

As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.

My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.

If you enjoyed this episode, please don’t forget to share it with others; it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience.  Also, don’t forget to follow this podcast - Your Empty Nest Coach - in your favorite podcast player - or register for a free account in the empty nest success home.

All the links and resources I mentioned, you’ll find in the episode’s show notes. 

I’ll be back in December with a new episode. Enjoy the days leading up to the holiday season - they are just as important as the holiday itself - and there are more of those anyway.  

My empty nest or future-empty nest friend, don’t you dare forget that YOU ARE AMAZING!

[end music] 

00:22:16

[bloopers]

00:22:51

Still Listening?

I love that you have made time for you today by listening to this episode. Should you be new here, know that there are over 160 other episodes waiting for your ears. If you aren’t new here, thank you for your continued support.

If you are wondering about the C.E.O. Training Team, this is for those of you who are looking for a little bit more than the podcast. I have weekly resources for you - Monday sessions called power hours - where you can pop in for a reset in a group setting, and get a little group coaching if we have the time. Your membership includes four 15-minute private coaching sessions (with me) to get you started, and much much more. 

Just for listening to the end of this episode, I’ve created a coupon titled PodcastThankYou use this on check out to receive a generous $50 credit toward your new CEO Training Team membership. That code is PodcastThankYou no spaces, and each word is capitalized to start - you’ll find that in the show notes. 

Use it soon as it’s only guaranteed for the first ten people who use it.

I’d love for you to join us!

[end music]

[end]

164: Empty Nest Success – The Power of Mini Escapes in Life & Guest Barbara Decker has a message for Parents of Someone with an Addiction 💚

164: Empty Nest Success - The Power of Mini Escapes in Life & Guest Barbara Decker has a message for Parents of Someone with an Addiction 💚

Hello, my amazing friend. 👋

This is a packed episode with a variety of topics: 

  • The Power of Mini Escapes (resets) in life
  • Some Thoughts on Meditation
  • Guest Barbara Decker shares a message for Parents of Someone with an Addiction
  • What elixir have I tried that so far is a game-changer? 
  • A Special Offer to Join the C.E.O. Training Team to Empty Nest Success
  • And more!

All the details are below if you'd like to jump around. 

Have a thought-noticing and beautiful month ahead:  be curious about your thoughts and how they make you feel. There is an incredible amount of power there. 

As always, I'm cheering you on! 🎉

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"The more you can take care of yourself - physically and emotionally, the more you will be able to show up for your child. ... Consider your dreams, notice your thoughts and emotions - notice them with love and curiosity."

Listen now or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

🔽 More goodies are below, too! Please scroll down 🔽to see them all! 🔽 🔽 🔽 

Ep. 164 of the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast includes topics: the power of a mini escape, meditation, guest Barbara Decker stops by & more!  🎙️ #emptynest #life #emptynestsuccess #midlifemom #resets #parentrecoveryadvocate #barbaradecker

Tweet about this

This Episode is Brought To You By

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:00 Podcast intro
  • 01:16   Quick Reminders
  • 01:52  My Wish For You Today - Consider Everything
  • 03:21  New Things: Out of My Routine (travel), Quick Takes episodes
  • 04:15  Magic Mind
  • 07:08 My Lessons Learned: The Power of Mini-Escapes From Your Life
  • 13:41 Ask Coach Christine: What Can You Do to Prepare And Make the Most of Your Emerging Adult Being Away or Leaving Home? 
  • 14:55  Celebrating You and Your Wins
  • 15:59  What's In Your Life's Toolbox? Meditation
  • 18:07  Let's Find the Funny - Snapchat Filters at The Louvre
  • 18:29  What I Wish My Parents Knew - Guest Barbara Decker (Parents of Someone with an Addiction)
  • 21:13  Two Questions For You
  • 22:29 bloopers 😆
  • 22:38 Still listening?  - C.E.O. Training Team Information & Offer

Episode Questions For You To Consider

  1. What life reset (new or usual) can you consider planning for in the near future?
  2. Have you viewed a child’s addiction in the way that Barbara frames it here?

💚Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

First Time Here? Try This Order of Episodes

Episode Resources

* affiliate link to SupaPass - which powers our community! Should you purchase using the link, I make a commission.

You are preparing for the empty nest ahead as your child(ren) prepares, heads off to, and experiences college (or not college) and life.

Subscribe To This Podcast

It is FREE!

Want to get notified of new episodes directly on your phone? Subscribe to this podcast using your favorite app!

The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 164

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #164. If this isn't your first time listening and you want to skip the introduction portion feel free to tap forward a couple of times. In this podcast, I focus on helping parents who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though; all are welcome here, as I’m focused on coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life, and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up

[level-up music]

your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.

I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. 

Here we go..

[up beat music]

00:00:47

This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.

00:1:16

Before we dive in - a special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass. SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. Register today for a free account to unlock a sampling of those resources -  head over to  EmptyNestSuccess.com - where you may also support this podcast, join the C.E.O. Training Team, or purchase other premium content.

Want to know more about the C.E.O. Training team? I’ll share more at the tail end of this episode. 

If you are looking for something specific or would like to hop around within this episode, you’ll find time markers in the show notes.

00:01:52

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Wish for You Today

My wish for you today is that you are able to consider everything. The beautiful thing about our journey in this life is that we are ever-changing. We aren’t the same person we were a week ago, a month ago, a year ago - and well, you get the idea. Things that we might have said no-way to years ago may now be worth considering again. No, definitely not all things - some things have been let go of for healthy reasons - but don’t be surprised if things periodically pop back in your life - whether a relationship, a job, a living situation, a hobby, or something else. 

Considering something doesn’t mean you have to do it, it doesn’t mean you have to like it. What is fun is to see if and potentially how you have changed in your thought-process, if at all. By considering things you get to dive a little deeper in who you are now - and isn’t that worth a few minutes of time? 

Whether you reconsider something and quickly know that no, you haven’t changed your thoughts on that, OR whether you now see things in a different way - it all in the end - means whatever you make it mean. Let it mean something fun, let it mean self-exploration, let it mean discovery. You don’t have to force it; merely consider it. 

00:03:20

[computer game level up music (short)]

New Things. New Things. New Things!

It's been a month of adventure for me that that hat included a cross-country flight over a long weekend - wow, the jet lag really took its toll on me the rest of the week I returned - AND then just as I was almost feeling myself, a close friend flew into town for a week - and the almost three weeks of continuous being out of my routine has been a fantastic reset - one of those resets where you have had an amazing time but a week of the usual routine, doing laundry and catching up sounds kind of great right now. 

Isn’t it funny how we do these things to escape our usual routine and then when we are away from them, we might discover how much some of those things bring comfort to our life? 

I also tested three Quick Take episodes last month - they were a fun experiment but I think those will be the exception, rather than the rule. 

00:04:15

The newest thing that I don’t want to forget to share with you is the company Magic Mind reached out to me and invited me to become a Magic Maker. I didn’t really know what that meant but know that I am not one to share things with you that I don’t absolutely love so I requested a sample which I tried this past week, and oh my goodness, so far I really do love this one. So much that I might have begged for a few more samples AND I also placed my own order. I can’t wait ‘til my next package arrives! 

If you are like me of two weeks ago and have never heard of Magic Mind, I’d like to share a teeny tiny bit about it with you today - you can read more on their website! My sample arrived this week and I’ll be honest, I had done NO research. It arrived in the most adorable packaging with three fun bottles (or shots) of this incredible elixir that really did feel a bit magical.  I had made the incorrect assumption that this was a coffee replacement. It isn’t. With all of my recent traveling and projects, I had been sleeping in, not posting on socials and I was up to three cups of coffee a day, and that is not so great for me. 

After reading the information that arrived with the samples, I discovered it’s meant to be taken with your coffee  - or if you aren’t a coffee drinker - you can use Magic Mind all on its own. The first day, I DID brace myself a bit on as this is a green drink and I’ve tried more than my fair share of green beverages - Let’s be honest, good taste isn’t always included. But much to my surprise, I did enjoy the taste! 

This elixir put a pep in my step, helped me to be way more focused and kept my energy levels steady throughout the day - I even slept better and got to the end of my days surprised that that first cup of coffee in the morning was all I needed.    

I’m adding Magic Mind to the top of my C.E.O. Toolbox, but honestly, it may move right into a permanent space in the bottom of my toolbox - it does seem that good! 

Don’t worry, though, I’m not going to leave you hanging. I’ll provide an update next month and let you know how it’s all going. I’ve been making a video diary of the experience too.  

I invite you to join me in this experiment! Magic Mind have given me a 20% off code to share with you: it’s FEELAMAZING20. To use it, visit magicmind.co slash FEELAMAZING and enter the code FEELAMAZING20 - all caps - at checkout. Of course, you’ll find this information in my show notes. Magic Mind does have a money back guarantee AND if you get the subscription it's 40% off right now - that’s the one I signed up for! But know that 40% code only lasts 10 days, so don’t miss out on it. If you do order through my link and would like to share your experience on my next episode, let me know!  

00:07:08

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Lessons Learned

[inspirational music plays under this segment]

The power of mini-escapes from our life. 

What is your normal day-to-day life like? For some of us, it is highly structured - alarm wakes us up and we do things non-stop until our head hits the pillow. For others of us, it’s a bit more chillax - where we have our top three things to get done this week and we’re happy. And that relaxed pace is our routine. 

There is no right or wrong here, by the way. You aren’t worth more as a human on this planet because you did more things today. For some of us the busy-ness is our happy place. For others the busy-ness robs us of joy. Your ability to be busy or not busy is for you to figure out, to know what level of activity allows you to find the most joy in your life. And that level probably won’t match others in your life. I want you to know that that is okay. 

What I really want to discuss, and it is related, is the power of breaking out of our normal routines to allow us to see the routines of our life with fresh eyes. 

For some of this us, this takes a large vacation. For others, it is a staycation but with no plans. It doesn’t have to take a huge amount of time for your reset to engage either, but enough time to feel like you were able to step away. 

I’ve found local things that provide this for me - heading to a campsite for a few hours to create a campfire and stare at the logs; or popping into a local casino with only $20 to spend to see how long it lasts. This one might be for me, due to the Vegas trips I did when I was younger - and I enjoy the game of craps - but five minutes in a casino and I feel like I’ve walked into another dimension - talk about a reset. And if you aren’t new here, you know that walks in a forest help me too. I have found that, personally,  I need a minimum of 30 minutes solo to get the most out of those but when I make that happen regularly, it’s a game-changer. 

YOU don’t need to have a campfire; a walk in the woods, or to go to a casino. BUT what I do recommend is that you find an activity or activities - or maybe it's people that allow you to feel a bit of a reset from your life.

And I encourage you that it doesn’t have to be a full vacation. That might not be a financial possibility for you right now - but don’t let that stop you from being creative here.

Most of us know that time away from things and people helps us to appreciate what we have, and see them in a new light. Absence makes the heart grow fonder after all. 

What I find continuously fascinating is how I change in my response to things, as I mature and change. Not only in my daily routines but also in my resets. 

I recently confirmed that for me right now solo travel, when I’m able to do it is fantastic for me. My trip to California, I didn’t have one moment where I wished, “Oh I wish I had someone to join me,” in what I’m doing. 

I love the people in my life, but I also love my alone time. On that trip I got to speak at a school, made new friends, did things that I found locals had never done, and I really enjoyed stepping off the plane with no plans for seven hours. I seriously got in my rental car, looked up the nearest beach in Google Maps and my adventure began. 

If you notice too, I said that “right now solo travel is fantastic for me.” 

I can absolutely imagine a day where I will want to experience travel with a travel partner but until then I’m going to enjoy where I am and what I am doing fully. 

And whether I’m in my reset or in my routine, I have the opportunity to learn more about myself. There were things about my trip that I thought I wouldn’t really love but found, actually, they were exactly what I needed - and also the opposite happened. 

I returned home to jet lag that I had never experienced at that level before - and this is where I remember…hmmm… I am not 20, so maybe going right from the airport, taking a shower, and working isn’t the best choice for me. I’ll be honest, I knew that was going to be a tough one, but I wanted to try. I did. And now I know more.

Then going right into a somewhat staycation where a friend visited me, I was able to see where I live in a new light - someone who loves the cool air and seeing the changing leaves for fall - their excitement really reminded me how lovely where I live is. 

Then returning to the usual routine, provides so much internal knowledge: what are the things I love, what are the things I don’t love and are those things I can change? Why or why not? 

To be honest, I’ve had a few surprises hit me about who I am and who I want to be over the next few years. Some of the ideas I have are in direct opposition to goals that I have had for the last few years. I’m going to have some fun playing with those thoughts in the days and weeks ahead.

I share all these thoughts and ideas with you because sometimes it helps to hear other people go through the changes and the reconsideration. It would have been easy for me to keep on keeping on because that’s what I said I’d do - but when you’ve been through as many changes as I have over the last couple of years, honestly, what’s one more? Also, I may process this all out and still keep on keeping on, in the end. 

Either way, I’m going to have a great time figuring it out because it is this - the now - the day to day stuff where I get to fully live life. Isn’t it fascinating how when we get to do the things we’ve been striving for for a long time that we then discover new things about ourselves and new goals? After all, the finish line for one thing is the starting line for our next adventure. 

Analogy wise, this kind of has that love it or list it vibe - you know you do the thing that isn’t in your normal and then find that with some changes you are perfectly happy where you are. Or, you discover, yep,   time to move is here. 

I encourage you to consider it all. Have fun with the thoughts that pop up. You don’t have to keep any of them - especially if they don’t make you feel good - let those go. But the ones - the thoughts - that make you curious, that allow you to dream a bit more - try leaning into those.  Whether it is during your reset or your routine. Both are important. 

00:13:41

[computer game level up music (short)] 

Ask Coach Christine

Christine, what things can I do to prepare and make the most of my emerging adult being away or leaving home? 

The more you can take care of yourself - physically and emotionally, the more you will be able to show up for your child. This  is a great time to begin to consider and prepare your CEO Life’s Toolbox items. I have episodes about those - I’ll put them in the show notes. Consider your dreams, notice your thoughts and emotions - notice them with love and curiosity. 

Taking care of you allows you to provide the space for your emerging adult to be who they are. Love them fully, when they share things and you feel strong emotions, take a pause.  Consider the relationship you want with them in ten years and begin to build that now - showing up slowly for them as a coach, not just a parent. 

On another note, for those of you who are about to have your child return home for a bit, remember that they’re different from the person that has left. I have more resources on that that I’ve shared over time and I’ll, again, have those in the show notes. 

00:14:55

[computer game level up music (short)]

Celebrating you and your wins

I remembered to post a video to collect wins this month, but I’ll be honest, I didn’t give a ton of notice before I needed to hit record.  However, I had a few amazing women jump in to share their wins on Instagram

Katherine of the5KiloTraveller shares: My book is with beta readers and I’m getting helpful and lovely feedback. After 2 years of writing it's amazing to be at this point. 🎤

RamonaWildeman shared: I hiked two times this week and cycled two times as well. 🎤

And Lady Katricia shares: I woke up happy today. 🎤

[cheers]  

I love all of these so much!

If you want your win included next time, be sure to follow me on Instagram or TikTok and comment on the next Celebrate Your Win video that I post - be sure to add a microphone emoji so I know I have your permission to share your win with my listeners. Remember: wins big and small we celebrate them all. I can’t wait to cheer you on!

00:15:59

[computer game level up music (short)]

What’s in your life’s toolbox?

Your C.E.O. Toolbox is the analogy we use here for items and resources that help you get through tough moments, enjoy the amazing moments, and then also do the deeper work as needed. Your C.E.O. Toolbox is yours. It should have the things that work for you, and you should take inventory from time to time because sometimes things that worked well for you two years ago or a month ago, just aren’t working any longer.

Let’s talk about meditation. 

Are you someone who can easily meditate? I have never had this come easy for me. I’d like to offer the idea that meditation doesn’t need to look a certain way. I have found I am most meditative when I’m in the forest alone and can focus on the sounds and details of my environment. 

Recently, I tried listening to 15-minutes of sounds - I even created one for myself: I posted it on YouTube - it’s of rain, and I’m going to make a few more as time allows. As you know, I don’t share things with you that I haven’t tried myself.  

I found, though, that as listening to this - that the rain sounds isn’t enough - my mind still stays really active. 

One day I had paper and a pen nearby while I was listening to the sounds - I picked it up and started scribbling while listening to the sound, and suddenly I found that my mind was able to clear in a way I never experienced before. 

I’m sure if you walked in seeing me do this, I can only imagine what ideas would go through your head but it works for me! For you it might be multiple sounds at once, or decluttering your house that bring you to a level of meditation. 

I encourage you to release expectations and to play around a bit: maybe pull out some playdough or paint and listen to some bird sounds - you never know what combination will allow your mind to quiet. 

But when you find it, you’ll know. It’s really good stuff. Be creative, have fun and let me know if you find something unexpected that works for you! 

00:18:07

Let’s find the funny!

[giggles from others]

I believe in the power of laughter for a quick reset and this is why I include this section within my monthly episodes.

So, this week I’m sharing in the show notes that there was a TikTok circulating recently where someone went to the Louvre and added snapchat filters on the art. What a riot. If you need a giggle - link is in the show notes.  

00:18:29

[computer game level up music (short)] 

What I Wish My Parents Knew

Today I welcome guest Barbara Decker: Parent Recovery Advocate, a Certified Family Recovery Specialist (CFRS) and founder of Live Well and Fully. Barbara recently interviewed me for one of her upcoming podcast episodes and we had a great time chatting - same energy, positivity and the work she does is incredibly valuable. 

I am thrilled that Barbara shared an audio with us for this podcast answering the question: As a mother of someone with an addiction, what would you like other parents to know?

00:19:05 

As the mother of someone with an addiction, there are some things I'd like other parents to know, the most important thing is that addiction is a disease. It's not a choice in the way you and I normally think of choices. It is a disease, just like asthma and diabetes, and cancer, etc, are diseases. And as such, there are treatment options. So I'd like parents to know that this is not a choice your child is making to behave, the way they're behaving, it is a disease that they have. And then I'd like to share with you the three things your child would like you to know. These are things they may not be able to say to you, but it's important that you know them because they're true. 

Number one: it's not your fault. It really isn't your fault. Even if your child is telling you over and over and over that everything you do is your fault. It's not your fault. That's the disease speaking. 

Thing Number two: they are filled with shame and guilt, they may not present that way to you. But that is how they feel. Inside they feel like terrible human beings who are incapable of being successful in life. 

And the third thing I'd like you to know, because they want you to know is you cannot fix your son or daughter. Only they can change their lives. Only they can decide that they don't want to live this way anymore and take the action they need to take in order to make a change.  There are things you as the parent can do to encourage them to choose a different path for themselves. And it's not easy and it takes work and it's possible. To learn more about the work that we do with the moms changing the moms, not the kids, visit www.LiveWellAndFully.com and find yourself a pocket of joy today because you are so worth it.

You can learn more about the incredible work that Barbara does on her website - please share widely!

00:21:13

Two Questions for You

Question 1: What life reset (new or usual) can you consider planning for in the near future? 

and Question 2: Have you viewed a child’s addiction in the way that Barbara frames it here? 

As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.

My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.

If you enjoy[ed] this episode, please don’t forget to share it with others; it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. Also, don’t forget to follow this podcast - Your Empty Nest Coach - in your favorite podcast player - or register for a free account in the empty nest success home. If you enjoy emails in your inbox, consider joining my Thursday Thoughts about email list: I’ll pop in your inbox with a thought and updates on most Thursdays. It’s a great way to stay connected with all things Your Empty Nest Coach. 

All the links and resources I mentioned, you’ll find in the episode’s show notes. 

I’ll be back in November with a new full episode.

My empty nest or future-empty nest friend, don’t you dare forget that YOU ARE AMAZING!

[end music] 

00:22:29

[bloopers]

00:22:38

Still Listening?

I love that you have made time for you today by listening to this episode. Should you be new here, know that there are over 160 other episodes waiting for your ears. If you aren’t new here, thank you for your continual support.

If you are wondering about the C.E.O. Training Team, this is for those of you who are looking for a little bit more than the podcast. I have weekly resources for you - Monday sessions called power hours - where you can pop in for a reset in a group setting, and get a little group coaching if we have the time. Your membership includes four 15-minute private coaching sessions (with me) to get you started, and much much more. 

Just for listening to the end of this episode, I’ve created a coupon titled PodcastThankYou use this on check out to receive a generous $50 credit toward your new CEO Training Team membership. That code is PodcastThankYou no spaces, and each word is capitalized to start - you’ll find that in the show notes. 

Use it soon as it’s only guaranteed for the first ten people who use it.

I’d love for you to join us!

[end music]

[end]

161: Empty Nest Success ⏲️ Quick Take – It is Time To Honor Yourself 💚

161: Empty Nest Success ⏲️ Quick Take - It is Time To Honor Yourself 💚

Hello, my amazing friend. 👋

Welcome to my first Quick Take episode!

Inspiration hit me just as I was wrapping up recording episode 160 to look back at some content (no plan) and see if I could come up with three quick episodes that way. I did!

I love this idea for reviewing content from the past, and it provides an easy way to deliver weekly episodes again. 

Let's see how this goes! 

As always, I'm cheering you on! 🎉

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"The plan doesn't have to be your boss."

Listen now or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

🔽 More goodies are below, too! Please scroll down 🔽to see them all! 🔽 🔽 🔽 

An Empty Nest Success - Quick Take Episode:  "The plan doesn't have to be your boss." Your Empty Nest Coach podcast #emptynest #life #emptynestsuccess #MakingAPlan #Havefun

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The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 161

FULL TRANSCRIPT

This is an empty nest success quick take. A quick episode, in between my monthly episodes, where I look back at content I created before, and share it briefly. Enjoy!

[level-up music]

It feels right to look at the very first email I ever sent as part of Your Empty Nest Coach. I use Active Campaign, so I went into my emails and saw what I sent. 

In May of 2019, I was testing the system. And I sent an email to one singular person. That was me! 

The title of that email was Thursday, thoughts about “That thing.” I love(d) the idea of having a Thursday thoughts about email: just quick thoughts. 

I tend to be way more wordy these days. And looking at this, I like how short and sweet this is. It didn't yet have as much to share either, though.

So here's what I said to myself: 

[music plays under this segment (reading)]

That thing you keep thinking about, that thing you keep saying, “I'll do it later.” 

It is time. 

Time to make a plan and honor yourself by starting now.

Do it. 

I believe in you. 

I even have a little meme there. I was fancy. 

[end music]

Here I am, years later, looking at this email that I sent to myself just to test things. Basically, I was creating content that I wanted to receive from others. 

Looking back at this very first email (that I sent myself) makes me incredibly thankful that I did make the plan; that I did honor myself by starting. The me [of] back then wouldn't believe the things that I have accomplished in this time. 

It has been slow and steady, beautiful, stressful (sometimes), messy for sure. 

I've felt all the emotions, but I'm ever so thankful that past me did take the time to make a plan. 

The plan doesn't have to be your boss. 

The plan can be vague. 

Sometimes just making the plan is the first step. 

Make making the plan fun. And guess what, you don't have to accomplish everything that you want tomorrow. 

Have fun with it! 

And my friend, you are amazing. 💚

[end music]

[end]

160: Empty Nest Success – Give Your Child Space and Reaching Parenting Goals💚

160: Empty Nest Success - Give Your Child Space and Reaching Parenting Goals💚

Hello, my amazing friend. 👋

Inspiration versus Motivation: it has been on my mind in all areas of my life.

In this episode, I share the idea of giving your child(ren) space to be inspired.

As I listened back to the episode, "inspirational parenting" came to mind to sum this up. 

However, how I explain those two words here and what first comes to mind for you may be vastly different. I'd love to know your thoughts!

As always, I'm cheering you on! 🎉

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"Give your children the space to be inspired to have a relationship with you: wouldn’t all of us much rather be with people who love us for who we are rather than remind us who we aren’t?"

Listen now or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

🔽 More goodies are below, too! Please scroll down 🔽to see them all! 🔽 🔽 🔽 

Empty Nest Success - inspirational parenting? This may not be what you had in mind. 🤔More in episode 160 of the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast 🎙️ #emptynest #life #emptynestsuccess #inspirationalparenting #parenting 

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This Episode is Brought To You By

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:00 Podcast intro
  • 01:19  Quick Reminders
  • 01:57  My Wish For You Today - Wisdom from Within
  • 03:57  New Things: Repairs, and more repairs - a new thing I love
  • 04:45 My Lessons Learned: Inspired vs. Motivational parenting
  • 10:58 Ask Coach Christine: I've Always Wanted to Be a Mother - Now What?
  • 12:03 Christine, Where Are You? BabyBoomer.org
  • 13:07  What's In Your Life's Toolbox? Standup Comedy
  • 14:09  Two Questions For You
  • bloopers 😆
  • 15:38 Still listening? 

Episode Questions For You To Consider

  1. Was being a parent what you always wanted to do?
  2. Do you allow your child - or children - the space to be inspired into a relationship with you?

💚Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

First Time Here? Try This Order of Episodes

Episode Resources

* affiliate link to SupaPass - which powers our community! Should you purchase using the link, I make a commission.

You are preparing for the empty nest ahead as your child(ren) prepares, heads off to, and experiences college (or not college) and life.

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The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 160

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #160. If this isn't your first time listening and you want to skip the introduction portion feel free to tap forward a couple of times. In this podcast, I focus on helping parents who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though; all are welcome here, as I’m focused on coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life, and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up

[level-up music]

your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.

I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. 

Here we go..

[up beat music]

00:00:50

This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.

00:1:19

Before we dive in -a special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass. SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. Register today for a free account to unlock a sampling of those resources -  head over to  EmptyNestSuccess.com - where you may also support this podcast, join the C.E.O. Training Team, or purchase other premium content.

Want to know more about the C.E.O. Training team? I’ll share more at the tail end of this episode. 

If you are looking for something specific or would like to hop around within this episode, you’ll find time markers in the show notes.

00:01:57

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Wish for You Today

My wish for you today is that you realize the power you have within yourself. For example, take a moment to think of the you of ten years ago. Remember a happening in your life where you were stressed out and wondering how things were going to play out. Do you have it? Now jump to you of today, being you of many years later, what would you want to tell that amazing younger version of yourself? 

Feel free to pause here while you think about it. 

So I ask you, would you say something to your younger self that is encouraging - for example: “I know this feels like the end of the world right now. That is valid. You can work through that emotion, and also, I want you to know that you will manage through this, and you will look back on this one day and know you did it. I’m so thankful you are taking the steps you are taking right now but don’t forget to breathe, don’t forget to have some fun, don’t forget who you are, and don’t forget that you are doing an amazing job with all that you have on your plate. I believe in you. I am thankful for you, and I love you.” 

Was it something like that? 

Hopefully, what you came up with makes you feel good. If not, feel free to adjust it a bit until you come up with wording that you believe AND that makes you feel good. 

And NOW, knowing that there is a future version of yourself that might want to say the same exact thing to you today - about things that might not be super comfortable in the present, you can use those same words for yourself.  

Sure, I love reminding you how amazing you are but what is more important is that YOU believe and trust in your own amazingness. You’ve got this. You are navigating this life without an instruction manual, and let’s be honest, that is no joke.

00:03:57

[computer game level up music (short)]

New Things. New Things. New Things!

My  personal new things, lately, have been  - well - here are some examples: an unexpected new water heater, new roof repairs, a new car battery booster pack, oh, I do have a fun one (yes, this is fun for me) - solar panels for my portable generator. But in general, really fun stuff, right? 

In all seriousness, though, I wish I had purchased the car battery booster pack years ago. Now, I don’t need another vehicle to jump my car, and feel confident I can help others if they ever need it. Do you have one of those? 

I’ll put a link to the one I purchased in my show notes. Now that I have one and have seen how great they work, I believe everyone should have one of these - and no, this is not an ad or an affiliate link - I just love the thing.

00:04:45

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Lessons Learned

[inspirational music plays under this segment]

Give your children the space to be inspired to have a relationship with you. 

 Let me say that again. 

Give your children the space to be inspired to have a relationship with you. 

For many of us who have or have had our identities wrapped up in being a parent, this may feel super uncomfortable. 

I’ve learned this lesson by watching my clients. I’ve been able to witness clingy moms who self-identify as “smotherers”  - you know, like the Goldbergs? I’ve watched them begin to cautiously provide space to their children. Children who move out of the house, travel the world or take an activity that is difficult to comprehend as their parent. 

The discomfort is fierce at first, and then it begins to level out into a calm ripple, if you will, until new emotions appear, such as surprise that they went days without worrying about their adult child. Or amazement that something they would have earlier lost their cool about or phoned all their friends to complain about for hours on end, well, these same parents now roll with the punches and find themselves even wondering, “What’s the big deal?”

Sometimes, they find that their children are at first unsettled by the change they are seeing in their parent - discomfort even - not in a painful way but more of a “who is this parent of mine, because I haven’t seen this side of them before.” 

I’ve watched that parent who can’t seem to let go, holding so tight and causing their child to run away as fast as possible. I’ve seen that same parent emerge into a parent who appreciates where they are and what is ahead for them and their kiddo - even when that means they are continents away. 

I’ve been able to hear first-account stories of the same children who couldn’t leave home fast enough to gain their freedom, become children who invite said-parent on trips with them, and also do things for mom and dad they never would have done before.

I’ve been reflecting on this lately. No, it’s not a scientific study - simply observation of some families. It does, though, make sense to me that when we, as parents, remove the forced expectations on our children in how they must behave and show up for us, that they then have the space to be inspired to have a relationship with us. 

We’ve all heard it: If you love something, let it go.

And I don’t know about you, but I’ll choose an inspired relationship over a forced and motivated relationship any day. 

It is better for everyone. It is better energy, and there is the space for everyone to be themselves. It’s beautiful. Sure, there are still messy moments, but they tend to be threaded with a lot more joy and silliness and overall fun.

Is there a downside to giving your child space? 

When we do give them space and remove expectations, they have the opportunity to become keenly aware of the space. And this is where the blocks of relationship building that you have done up until this point matter. 

If you give them space and in their reflection, they come to the conclusion that you don’t really love them - or like them - for who they are and that you really don’t have their back at all.  They may not ever be inspired to relationship building with you. 

I know, it’s really tough love, but it does happen. My guess, though, I’ll be honest, if you are listening to this podcast, this is NOT you.

But, my two cents - you can take them or leave them - is that I do believe most relationships can be healed if both parties are willing to show up in a way that gives space to one another. In a way where they’re aware that their own happiness depends on themselves - not on the other person.

I also believe in parental apologies where they are necessary- we are all human, anyway, and make mistakes. Sometimes we’re simply doing what we’ve been modeled our whole life. 

We can learn. We can do better as we learn. We can apologize. We can forgive.   

What we can’t do, ultimately, is control another human being. And would you want that kind of relationship long-term? 

What we can do is be responsible for ourselves.

We can learn to love ourselves; we can treat ourselves better - setting an example (even if it is a new one) to our children, and then we can hold space for them to be who they are. 

What a gift. 

Wouldn’t all of us would much rather be with people who love us for who we are rather than remind us who we aren’t?

My listener, take care of yourself, my beautiful friend. Love on yourself. Allow your children space to be who they are - and love them for that - no more, no less. 

Let them fail. Let them try things. Let them live. Celebrate for them when they are happy and let them know that you want a relationship for life with them, and talk about what that looks like for both of you - knowing that over time, how it looks may change.

Know, though, as you both grow more into who you are because the space is there to do that, you very well may be gifted with a stronger relationship than ever before. 

Being a human and a parent isn’t easy. 

I’d like to see my kiddo live life fully as they are meant to. 

And if that means I’m in their life more or less - it is okay because they aren’t on this planet to serve me. 

I’ve received the most thoughtful gifts, learned amazing lessons, been invited on trips, and am inspired all the time by my daughter. I can’t imagine a life where I forced more of what I need, what I expect, and I believe onto her. I know one thing for sure: I wouldn’t have any idea who she really was, and there’s a chance she wouldn’t either. 

00:10:58

[computer game level up music (short)]

Ask Coach Christine

Christine, I’ve always wanted to be a mother. Now what? 

I have heard this statement more than a few times from clients. Their life goal was to be a mother. Now that their child (or children) are moving out and on - in whatever capacity - they struggle with, “what now?” because that was their goal. 

How incredible is it really, if this is you, you’ve reached your life goal? 

First of all, parenthood doesn’t end because your child moves out. It does change. More than likely, you’ll see them again if you’ve earned a relationship with them, and, yes, we talked about that in the last segment.

Absolutely,  things are going to be different in this new phase of life. 

Parenthood should look different in the upcoming years, and now you get the amazing opportunity to create brand new life goals while knowing you’ve reached one.  That’s amazing!  

00:12:03

[quirky music under segment]

Christine? Christine? Christine, where are you?

Well, of course, C.E.O. Training Team to Empty Nest Success members have access to me, and I’m often creating resources for that space. I’m also traveling for an event or two and, believe it or not, taking some time off in October - [gasp]. 

And BabyBoomer.org! You’ll find this podcast now included in BabyBoomer.org’s podcast hub! BabyBoomer.org is the ultimate baby boomer news, guide & community - you’ll find topics such as news, entertainment, lifestyle, relationships, and more there. Full transparency, I’m not a baby boomer. I did mention that, and they thought my content was a great fit for their website visitors, so we have a lovely partnership  - also check out the many other podcasts listed there as well! The link in my show notes will take you to the Kids & Family section of their listed podcasts

00:13:07

[computer game level up music (short)]

What’s in your life’s toolbox?

Your C.E.O. Toolbox is the analogy we use here for items and resources that help you get through tough moments, enjoy the amazing moments, and then also do the deeper work as needed. Your C.E.O. Toolbox is yours. It should have things that work for you, and you should take inventory from time to time because sometimes things that worked well for you two years ago or a month ago, just  aren’t working any longer.

Today, I’m sharing a top-of-the-toolbox item and it's standup comedy.  My daughter invited me to see comedian Chris Fleming with her last weekend. The venue was incredibly intimate, which made it a bit surreal.  Comedy is so good for the soul, and I do love using laughter as a reset. And laugh, we did! My face hurt for two days from all of the laughing. I’ll link some of my favorite Chris Fleming videos in my show notes - and try the one that’s E.T. related.

00:14:09

Two Questions for You

Question 1: Was being a parent what you always wanted to do? 

and Question 2: Do you allow your child - or children - the space to be inspired into a relationship with you? 

As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.

My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.

If you enjoy[ed] this episode, please don’t forget to share it with others; it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. Also, don’t forget to follow this podcast - Your Empty Nest Coach - in your favorite podcast player - or register for a free account in the empty nest success home. You may also join my Thursday Thoughts about email list, where I’ll pop in your inbox with a thought and updates on most Thursdays. Those are the best ways to be notified when I release a new episode.

All the links and resources I mentioned, you’ll find in this episode’s show notes. 

Of course, I’ll be back next month with a new episode!

My empty nest or future-empty nest friend, may you provide yourself space to discover who you are because YOU ARE AMAZING!

[end music] 

00:15:27

[bloopers]

00:15:38  

Still Listening?

Well, I’m intrigued. You’ve listened this far; why have you not joined the C.E.O. Training Team [to Empty Nest Success]?

There’s tons of resources there for you! 

We have Power Hours every Monday to reset yourself - you can show up (or not). You’ll get four private coaching sessions (15-minutes) with me to utilize however you like over six months of time.

You get all of the resources I’ve created to date, including workshops on a variety of topics, some lessons, what-if affirmations that show up weekly, and more.

I’d love for you to join us!

[end music]

[end]

159: Empty Nest Success When You’re Self Conscious about Going Gray, Would You Try a Rage Room and a Giveaway 💚

159: Empty Nest Success When You're Self Conscious about Going Gray, Would You Try a Rage Room and a Giveaway 💚

Podcast episode artwork is of where I recorded much of this episode - in my van!

Hello, my amazing friend. 👋

This episode is packed full of content. Enjoy!📦

As always, I'm cheering you on! 🎉

Coach Christine,

Your Empty Nest Coach

"My wish for you today is that you already understand - or are beginning to uncover - who you are and that you fully grasp and know in your soul that you are here for a reason."

Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.

🔽 More goodies below, too! Scroll down 🔽 , so you don't miss anything! 🔽 🔽 🔽 

Empty Nest Success When You're Self Conscious about Going Gray, Would You Try a Rage Room, a Giveaway & More: episode 159 of the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast  #emptynest #life #emptynestsuccess #goinggray #naturelessons

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This Episode is Brought To You By

Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers

  • 00:00 Podcast intro
  • 01:14  Quick Reminders
  • 02:11  My Wish For You Today - Adjusting to Your Child Heading to College 
  • 02:59  New Things: Minimalistic Todo List
  • 03:57  My Lessons Learned: Finding Who You Are Through The Fog
  • 07:31  Ask Coach Christine: I'm Self-Conscious About Going Gray
  • 10:26  Christine, Where Are You? PractiMama Podcast & a TikTok Giveaway
  • 11:45  Celebrating You and Your Wins - so many! 🎉
  • 13:25  What's In Your Life's Toolbox? A Rage Room! 
  • 14:53  Let's Find the Funny - Going Gray Silliness
  • 16:45  What I Wish My Parents Knew - "Just Wait Until You Are Older"
  • 18:30  Two Questions For You
  • bloopers 😆
  • 20:29 Still listening? 

Episode Questions For You To Consider

  1. Are you able to identify thoughts that don’t serve you, throughout the day?
  2. Have you been to or would you go to a rage room?

💚Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).

First Time Here? Try This Order of Episodes

Episode Resources

* affiliate link to SupaPass - which powers our community! Should you purchase using the link, I make a commission.

You are preparing for the empty nest ahead as your child(ren) prepares, heads off to, and experiences college (or not college) and life.

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The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 159

FULL TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00

Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #159. If this isn't your first time listening and you want to skip the introduction portion feel free to tap forward a couple of times. In this podcast, I focus on helping parents who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though, all are welcome here, as I’m all about coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up

[level-up music]

your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.

I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. 

[up beat music]

00:00:46

This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.

00:1:14

Before we dive in - a tiny bit of housekeeping and I’m going to see how fast I can share these with you -

First, you’ll find time markers in this episode’s full show notes, if you are looking for something specific or would like to hop around.

Second, you’ll find a ton of information, resources and more on my website: YourEmptyNestCoach.com or EmptyNestSuccess.com.

Reminder #3 If you enjoy this podcast, don’t forget to follow it in your favorite podcast player - or register for a free account in the empty nest success home. You may also join my Thursday Thoughts about email list where I’ll pop in your inbox with a thought and updates on most Thursdays. Those are the best ways to be notified when I release a new episode.

➡️And finally, a special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass. SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. Register today for that free account I mentioned - you’ll find it at EmptyNestSuccess.com - where you may also support this podcast, join the C.E.O. training team, or purchase other premium content.

00:02:11

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Wish for You Today

If you are in the midst of adjusting to having your kiddo - or children (plural) now living outside of your home - be it temporary or permanent, I want to encourage you to be patient with yourself, feel the emotions, take deep breaths, whatever you experience is yours to experience,  and it doesn’t need to be the same as your friend’s experience. Be you and be IN your experience. I have many episodes, resources and videos on the socials about the adjustment. If you are looking for anything in particular, just let me know! And, I’m cheering you on!

Now, My wish for you today is that you already understand or are beginning to uncover who you are and that you fully grasp and know in your soul that you are here for a reason.

00:02:59

[computer game level up music (short)]

New Things. New Things. New Things!

I’m a minimalist at heart - if you’ve been listening a while, you already know that. And yes, while that applies to the physical things, I’ve been focused over the last month on what do I really have to do today? And the answer is always a lot less than my super long to do list is telling me to do. As I focus on being inspired into creation rather than motivated because I have to do a thing, life has become even more fun - even while finding plumbing leaks, having a new role at my day job, car not starting, and my daughter navigating her chronic illness. Just when I think I know the must-dos for the day, something happens and reframes it all again. And reminds me that I can shorten the list - again - because that list isn’t going anywhere.

00:03:47

[computer game level up music (short)]

My Lessons Learned

[inspirational music plays under this segment]

You may already know how much I love nature, and especially early mornings in nature. My most recent hang out early in the morning is a local park that has a lake. A few weeks ago, there was an incredible amount of fog. So much fog that you could barely see the lake. It made me think about the empty nest transition - whether you are going through it with a partner or solo, it doesn’t matter. There is an adjustment to discovering who you are going forward - almost as if discovering a new identity. For many of us, we’ve never really gone past the fog to discover who we are. I thought I’d share the lesson I gained by looking at the fog that particular day and it was a way to look at the phases of self-discovery. 

Phase 1 - we are going through life surrounded by fog - meaning mostly going through the motions: doing what we have to do, what we’ve always done, it kind of feels like life, we say we are living, but we are so used to the fog, we aren’t even aware of it. It has become normal. Others may call this sleepwalking through life, or in the matrix, or unconsciously living.

Phase 2: The fog starts to clear  - this is when you notice you are IN a fog, that there might be more outside of the fog and you take some careful movements forward. You realize you’ve been going through the motions, and you consider: is there more than this? There might be. There might not be. And you begin to ask yourself questions such as “Do I want more than this? Is this who I am? Who am I?” and more. 

In Phase 3,  you can see a big lake, as you look closer, with a reflection in it - and when seeing the reflection you scan to see where the water creates a line - a border - between land and air, but actually, it is blurring together making it difficult to determine. As with all of these phases, you wiggle a bit back and forth on whether or not you wanna keep on discovering, it is after all, all new and can feel scary and unclear. 

Phase 4 is when you walk close enough to see your reflection in the water. You have to be so close to the water to see your reflection. The water is still and you take in the image as if you’ve never seen it before. Who is this person? Do I prefer the fog-filled auto-pilot life better? I might.

You keep going and reach phase 5: It dawns on you how unreal that image of you in the water is and you see that you are in a body that houses your thoughts, your emotions, your trauma, your love, your fears, YOU. And while others have been helpful and supportive, or may guide you on this path of self-discovery, the one who has the most to lose and gain is ultimately YOU. Imagine picking up a smooth stone, and tossing it into the water - rippling away your reflection.

You take a deep breath and another and you feel how your body exists in the world - how your feet touch the ground, how you stand in your physicality. You turn away from the fog and lake and know that while you aren’t sure who you are going to find, you can’t wait to be more of YOU and less of what the world has told you you need to be - as a child, as a parent, as a co-worker, as a friend. You feel empowered, scared, peaceful, excited, thrilled all at once but you know you have felt your connection to your inner self - for just a moment, maybe, and you want more than that. Ultimately, you know the you of ten years from now is who you are honoring by continuing the discovery. After all, you and them, you’re both amazing!

00:07:31

[computer game level up music (short)]

Ask Coach Christine

Christine, do you have a way to be less self-conscious about my appearance as I grow out my gray, or grow my gray hair out? What’s the proper way to say that?

This was a specific question asked during one of our C.E.O. Training Team (to Empty Nest Success) Power Hours - we do those weekly on Mondays. I asked when the self-consciousness appeared for this person and there was a very specific example of being out the grocery store - someone seeing them with their hair growing out and the thoughts coming in.

And here are a few things to keep in mind.

First, the thoughts that are causing your self-consciousness about your hair are your thoughts. Ouch, right? Because unless you have some magical power that allows you to dive into their mind, you are only guessing what they are thinking. More than likely this happens in a split second and you may feel your body tense or stomach feel off before you even notice that your thoughts have gone to how embarrassed you are about your hair (and yes, you can apply this to anything - not just your hair).

Second, the moment you are able to notice your concern of what someone else thinks about you, you have made a step forward. Celebrate this! You have begun to make progress because now you have the opportunity to do one of a few things: a) change the thought you are having b) stop it completely by thinking about something else, or c) keep thinking about it over and over, and over, and over,and over, and over, and over again.

The third thing to keep in mind is if you notice something you’d like to create less resistance in your life for you, such as this, do some thought-work around it when you’re not out in public. There is this part of you that probably doesn’t love the way your hair looks. If you did, you wouldn’t care what anyone else thought. It would be like someone saying they really hate the dress that you’re wearing, and meanwhile you’re in a pantsuit.

You’re not there in your head, so it doesn’t bother you. You’re like, “err, they’re crazy, I don’t know what they’re thinking about.

That’s where we want you to get with your gray hair.

Ultimately, this though-processing is yours to do but it is fun to play with what-if statements so let’s try that: 

What if me growing out my gray hair represents me discovering who I am? What if I don’t care what anyone thinks about it? What future-me loves the results and is patiently waiting for the hair to grow? What if I find I don’t love it in the end and decide to color it again? What would I make that mean and what if I don’t make it mean anything other than I allowed myself this time of growth to be one that I tried something new? What if I love the results? What if I love the growing out process? What if I have fun with this? What if this process is one of peace and joy? What if?

So, those are some serious thoughts about it but we also then had an incredible amount of fun with it and I’m going to share that portion of my answer in the Find the Funny segment of this podcast episode.

00:10:26

[quirky music under segment]

Christine? Christine? Christine, where are you?

I was supposed to mention this ages ago but I believe I may have left it out of prior episodes, so better late than never! You’ll find me as a guest on the PractiMama Parenting podcast that was recorded also, ages ago, before my daughter had graduated from college, before my divorce, before my last name change - before the pandemic even. The PractiMama podcast, hosted by Lee Uehara is focused on mothers with younger children and I do love chatting to moms with younger children! The title of her episode is A Parenting Tip for Being Frustrated with Your Toddler - link will be in the show notes and the entire episode is under five minutes in length!

Also if you are listening to this episode within a week of its release, I have a giveaway currently going on, on TikTok to celebrate passing 10,000 followers. It’s hard to believe that many people have watched and decided to follow me at some point or the other. So, thank you if that’s you, or if that’s going to be you, I appreciate all of you: listeners of my podcast, followers on social media, and more. Look for the video that says Enter Now in the thumbnail to enter - I’ll be hiding that video once the giveaway ends. Good Luck! 

00:11:45

[computer game level up music (short)]

Celebrating you and your wins

Well, we have so much to celebrate this month from everyone. Super exciting!

Starting with TikTok shares, here we go:

HotFlashesAndCoolTopics: heading to 4th tennis clinic this week!

Bonnie Business Coach Frank: I took two weeks off work because my body was telling me that I needed a break. Entrepreneurs tend to be bad at self care and don’t stop working.  I can vouch for that!

Katie Robinson: I overcame a mental block and successfully did a flying sidekick over a stack of 4 targets in taekwondo for the first time in ages! For the past month every time I saw more than two targets stacked I would lose confidence and stutter-step instead of jumping over them, but no more!

Eyyy Its Tafen says im going back home in two day for a visit, ive been away for over a month now for college and i miss them

Yaggi Toshinori: I've been working on a drawing and I've improved much more than I thought I could!

Popping over to Instagram we have:

Okkilume: i finally made a decision to move where i truly want to live and quit my toxic workplace i'm still scared, but we're getting somewhere

Boneheaded_Alien says I’ve been consistently waking up before noon!

Skittelson135 says: i got the trash out on time!

Mannaquinskywalker06  : I’m closer to getting my permit than ever before

[cheers] 

I had so much fun gathering all of these together, reading them again and thinking of you all - thanks for sharing your wins with us.

If you want your win included next time, be sure to follow me on Instagram or TikTok and comment on the next Wednesday Win video that I post - be sure to add a microphone emoji so I know I have your permission to share your win with my listeners. Wins big and small we celebrate them all. I can’t wait to cheer you on!

00:13:25

[computer game level up music (short)]

What’s in your life’s toolbox?

Your C.E.O. Toolbox is the analogy we use here for items and resources that help you get through tough moments, enjoy the amazing moments and then also, do some deeper work, as needed. Your C.E.O. Toolbox is yours. It should have things that work for you, and you should take inventory from time to time, because sometimes the things that worked well for you two years ago aren’t doing it for you any longer. Today’s recommendation is a fun one if you have one near you.

What is it? Now, I haven’t done this one myself but one of my clients did and absolutely LOVED it. It’s the idea of a destruction room or rage room. While she didn’t go to a destruction room or rage room, she mimicked it in her house, in a way. I might have their particulars off a bit but I seem to remember mention of boxing gloves, loud music, a pillow or two to hit and a lot of yelling. The result felt so good for them that they shared it with us and said, “maybe I should find a rage room?  “Now, they were alone, yelled a lot, and was completely safe -  had planned it out, if you are curious.

 I looked at her and said, “this is a toolbox item for you,” and quite honestly now I’m curious about trying this.

So, my listener, I ask you today, have you ever been to a rage room, or given yourself the space to consciously destroy something in an effort to allow your body to release whatever it is holding on to?

00:14:53

Let’s find the funny!

[giggles from others]

I did promise you the funny version of our gray hair grow out conversation and that was when I asked them what they thought the other person was thinking, they shared. And, I said, “so to be clear, you think that this person who probably is in Wal-mart or CVS or wherever you are isn’t thinking about the 400 things in their life but they’re really thinking something like”…

What is going on with her hair?  She is really letting herself go. How could she leave the house like that and be seen in public? Doesn’t she know what hair dye is? I think this store needs to make an announcement. [noise] excuse us shoppers but we have an important announcement to make: we have a shopper who has decided to leave her house, drive here, and shop in the midst of “going gray” She’s in aisle 14 and we think you all should head over there to take a good, long, look. Be sure to make a face, to tell her it isn’t becoming and that she should go home. Thank you and have a nice day.

So, at this point we are giggling a bit but then we add… what we think is really on in their heads.

I don’t know what my wife meant by this on the list. What is the smell in this aisle. Oh, they changed the box color and I’m not sure which item is the one I usually buy now. I can’t believe I lost my phone today! Do I have the money to buy this? [sigh] I’m so exhausted. Oh,I just want to go home and sleep. Paper. Paper. Oh, can’t my children just stay close to the cart so I don’t have to worry about them getting trampled by other carts?Paper, paper, paper, all I need is paper. Don’t look at the other things. Paper, I need paper. Yes, there it is. Woo hoo! I’m outta here….

This all started from the mention of going gray and we end up belly laughing over the store announcements and what everyone’s thinking. So, I hope that next time you catch that pit in your stomach or tension over what someone else may be thinking of you, that you remember more than likely  they’re dealing with their own stuff.

00:16:45

[computer game level up music (short)]

What I Wish My Parents Knew

There is something that parents and grandparents say often - I’ve caught myself saying this - and I’ve heard multiple people complain about the impact of it. I’ve been on the receiving end of it, too.The statement is “just wait until you are older.” 

The statement sometimes is around good things. Other times, it’s around things such as how great the younger generation has it now. 

And what I’ve heard from the younger-set is that - and that I’ve experienced -  is that it isn’t a super supportive statement. It has made me consider other things I can say when I start to want to say this - when I hear the words forming in my mind…

Rather than saying “just wait until you are older, ” How about… 

  1. I prefer honesty. So I’d probably lean toward, “You know I was going to say, “just wait until you are older, but I realize that isn’t super helpful.”  - and then wait, see what comes out of it. 

or

  1. That sounds frustrating (or exciting) is that how it feels? 

or

  1. I remember feeling something like that in my life. I’m happy to share that if you think it is helpful, otherwise, I’m also happy to be a place for you to process your experience.

Or how about

  1. If it’s more serious - “That sounds serious. May I help in any way? I’m finding myself wanting to jump in and help.” 

Those are some ideas. 

Obviously, you can keep saying “Just wait until you are older,” you do you after all. It’s easy to fall into the trap to think you know how something is going to play out for someone but ultimately, we aren’t them. So removing some assumptions - no matter how well we know them - might be an interesting thing to try. As always, have fun with it! 

00:18:30

Two Questions for You

Question 1: Are you able to identify thoughts that don’t serve you, throughout the day?

and Question 2: Have you been to or would you go to a rage room?

As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.

My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.

If you enjoy this episode please don’t forget to share it with others, it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. Yes, all the goodies, links and resources are in my show notes. I’ll be back next month with a new episode.

My empty nest or future-empty nest friend, have some fun. Take some deep breaths, take some walks, and feel your inner you within your body - you might learn something and of course, remember that  YOU ARE AMAZING!

[end music] 

00:19:28

[bloopers]

00:20:29

Still Listening?

My new last name? It is now Oakfield. I am Christine Oakfield. I love it and am starting to get used to using it. Thanks for all the messages about my name change which I spoke about in my last episode.

[end music]

[end]