165: Empty Nest Success - Life AUDITs, Trusting Yourself & Guest Cindy Muchnick of The Parent Compass
Hello, my amazing friend.
Do you AUDIT your life? Do you trust yourself? Do you live your life through your teen child?
I'm super thankful for you, my amazing listener.
As always, I'm cheering you on!
Your Empty Nest Coach
"... how can you trust yourself if you don't know yourself?"
Listen now or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.
More goodies are below, too! Please scroll down to see them all!
This Episode is Brought To You By
Episode Topics & Their Minute Markers
- 00:00 Podcast intro
- 00:52 Quick Reminders
- 01:59 My Wish For You Today - Be in the Now
- 02:42 New Things - Part 1: 2022, 2023
- 04:31 New Things - Part 2: A Magic Mind Update
- 06:08 My Lessons Learned: Your Life's Traffic - Who do you trust?
- 09:39 Ask Coach Christine: Post-divorce, I might not want a partner again. Should I be concerned?
- 12:38 Christine? Where are You? I stopped by the Live Well & Fully podcast.
- 13:34 What's In Your Life's Toolbox? AUDIT
- 18:07 Let's Find the Funny - Taskmaster (again)
- 18:44 What I Wish My Parents Knew - Guest Cindy Muchnick, co-author of the Parent Compass
- 21:13 Two Questions For You
- 22:16 Bloopers
- 22:51 Still listening? - C.E.O. Training Team Information & Offer
Episode Questions For You To Consider
- Do you know who you are?
- Do you like who you are?
Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).
First Time Here? Try This Order of Episodes
- The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast Trailer
- Series 1: Empty Nest Prep - starts in episode #3
- Series 2: The C.E.O. of Your Life - starts in episode #64 (Protector is introduced)
- Series 3: The C.E.O. Toolbox - starts at episode #88
- Last Episode: Empty Nest Success The Power of Mini Escapes in Life & Guest Barbara Decker (164)
- My Wish for You Today - "Sit in the Simmer" recap episode
- New Things: MagicMind.co/feelamazing use code FEELAMAZING20
- My Lessons Learned: Joyous Investment in Your Evolution
- Ask Coach Christine: Divorce Episodes (Divorce in the Empty nest | Does the Empty Nest Cause Divorce? | How to Disentangle Through Divorce in the Empty Nest )
- Christine, Where Are You? The Live Well & Fully Podcast on YouTube - How to Adjust to Transitions in the Empty Nest Years | on The Live Well & Fully Podcast Page
- Find the Funny: Taskmaster: Series 14 Outtakes - Part 2
- What I Wish My Parents Knew: Cynthia Clumeck Muchnick, M.A. (Cindy), co-author of The Parent Compass Book website
- Still Listening? Join the C.E.O. Training Team (Weekly Power Hours). Use code PodcastThankYou (case sensitive)
- What It is Like to Work With Coach Christine
* affiliate link to SupaPass - which powers our community! Should you purchase using the link, I make a commission.
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The Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, Episode 165
Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #165. If this isn't your first time listening and you want to skip the introduction portion feel free to tap forward a couple of times. In this podcast, I focus on helping parents who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though; all are welcome here, as I’m focused on coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life, and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up
your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.
I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today.
Here we go..
[up beat music]
This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.
Before we dive in - a special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass. SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. Register today for a free account to unlock a sampling of those resources - head over to EmptyNestSuccess.com - where you may also support this podcast, join the C.E.O. Training Team, or purchase other premium content.
Want to know more about the C.E.O. Training team? I’ll share more at the tail end of this episode.
If you are here looking for something specific or would like to hop around within this episode, you’ll find time markers in the show notes.
[computer game level up music (short)]
My Wish for You Today
My wish for you today is that you are able to sit in the simmer that is your life: meaning that you are able to “Be” in the NOW, this moment right here, and the next moment, and the next moment. These moments are your life. This is what matters. Breathe in and out, take in what is, feel the emotions and get to the other side of them. What are they telling you about your thoughts, and how can you change those thoughts so that the next moment is just as good or better than your last moment? You’ve got this!
[computer game level up music (short)]
New Things. New Things. New Things!
My personal life has so many new things, I can barely keep up with myself. How are your new things going? Whether your new thing is adjusting to the idea of your child becoming an adult, or you are writing a book. Each new thing is progress in learning more about who you are. I’m so excited for you!
For me, I will be a bit quieter on social media for a few months. I was just reading a transcript of a video I made in 2021 about “The Things I Plan to do in 2022.” Oo, that’s funny. [giggles] Life had other plans for me, and that is TOTALLY okay. While this year wasn’t so much about growing my podcast and coaching business, it was VERY much about settling into my life now that the divorce has been finalized - I could list all those things but that would need 2 or 3 episodes on its own.
Now, in November, I did my 2023 planning early and much of the next year will be about having fun preparing for 2024 and beyond.
And I’m not kidding when I say having fun is going to be my biggest focus - even when I’m doing things I wouldn’t normally consider fun. There very well may be seasons in 2023 that feel like I’ve disappeared, or am hibernating. But don’t be fooled, I’ll be establishing strong roots (like the root system of the mighty Oak tree) - yes, there is a reason I changed my last name to include Oak in it.
But no matter what 2024 brings for me, I’m so freaking excited to follow my joy, my bliss and to be selfishly happy in all that I do in 2023. Want to join me?
In my last episode, I mentioned that I was trying Magic Mind, a green drink shot that is designed to take with your coffee - or if you aren’t a coffee drinker - you can use Magic Mind all on its own. More than 30 days after starting Magic Mind… what are my thoughts?
This elixir has allowed me to decrease my coffee intake - without drama - has allowed me to be way more focused on the things that matter, and has coincided with some large decisions in my life - can I say it is all because of Magic Mind? Probably not, but I do believe that the mental clarity I’ve received from taking Magic Mind was a significant part of some of my decisions this month. That feels amazing.
Magic Mind has become a regular part of my life and now sits in the top drawer of my C.E.O. Toolbox!
Magic Mind has provided a 20% off code to share with listeners of my podcast. The code is FEELAMAZING20. To use it, visit magicmind.co slash FEELAMAZING and enter the code FEELAMAZING20 - all caps - at checkout. You’ll find this information in my show notes.
Not quite sure about it - no worries - Magic Mind does have a money back guarantee AND if you sign up for the subscription it's 40% off right now - that’s the one I signed up for! That 40% code, though, only lasts 10 days from your first click through, so don’t miss out on it. If you do order through my link and would like to share your experience in an upcoming episode, let me know!
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My Lessons Learned
Your Life’s Traffic - Who Do You Trust?
Here I go again with the analogies, and I do love analogies.
This one is about trusting the information you have about YOU and YOUR life.
I used to walk early in the mornings and sometimes would cross a large road - one with four lanes.
An advantage to crossing early in the morning was that there was no traffic. If there was any - you could see it coming easily - no running across the highway needed. Disadvantages to crossing early in the morning? Honestly, I can’t think of any, unless you hate mornings.
The road I’m thinking of is one that if you knew the area and I told you I was randomly walking across it in the morning - you might stop in your tracks - especially if I didn’t mention the time of day - but for some, that wouldn’t even matter. They may say:
Wait, what do you mean? The traffic is so busy there! Why would you walk there? You walk in that area? Where are you walking to? Why wouldn’t you just drive?
These are just some sample thoughts others could share.
Now, who knows, really, what the road and area was like when I was there? Me and me. Maybe a random car that I waited to drive by, but usually it was just me.
If I was then influenced by this other person’s thoughts about my walk and made changes based on it - how much sense would that make?
Do they know the situation? Did they know the weather? The planning I took? The safety measures I put in place? The nothingness of traffic?
No, they don’t. Yet, how often in life do we allow other people’s words - their thoughts - about our happenings in life - directly influence us.
As if they spend time in our minds and know all the things we’ve processed.
Sometimes these people aren’t even a part of our support system - and we still allow their comments to change our course.
While I’m not saying to ignore all the people and things out there in the world, what I am saying is keep in mind that they don’t know all the things all the time.
Support system or not, do you trust yourself as you cross the streets in your life? As you take steps moving forward in your life?
A more important question is how can you trust yourself if you don’t know yourself? For many of us, we think we are following our own inner guidance but upon deeper reflection we discover that we are really following the voices and direction of many other influences in our life.
Your GPS of your life ultimately should be your inner guidance. YOU. You are the only person, after all, with you from the moment you are born until your last breath. Learn to love yourself, learn to be your own biggest fan, and gift yourself with discovering who you are. You are so worth it.
Inner guidance sounds amazing doesn’t it? The honest truth is it takes patience, time, continued observation and a joyous investment in your evolution to uncover your inner guidance. If you want to know more, my earlier episodes will help you get started.
[computer game level up music (short)]
Ask Coach Christine
Christine, I’m going through a divorce, and I’m not sure I’ll ever want to be with another partner again. Should I be concerned?
If you do the work to heal, to discover who you are and love who you are, and come to the conclusion that you don’t want another partner. What’s the big deal?
If you are scared that you’ll never find love again, don’t beat yourself up for feeling that way but also see that it is a thought that isn’t serving you right now. And depending on how long it has been, it may not be a great idea to jump into another relationship right away, anyway. That new relationship may end up looking just like the one you got out of because that probably feels super comfortable to you - even if it wasn’t great.
I’m not one to judge, and I’m not going to tell you what to do, but I would encourage you to take time to fall in love with you first, if you aren’t there already. If you don’t love yourself, if you don’t know who you are, how do you know who would be a good partner for you?
What if you love yourself enough to know quickly who isn’t a fit? That would be amazing wouldn’t it?
What if you love yourself enough to not settle because sure, it may be great to not be alone but also, being with the wrong person can be a bit of a drag.
What if you love yourself enough to protect yourself?
What if you went into your next relationship in a way that wasn’t looking for them to make you feel loved but enter it already loving yourself, enter it looking for someone who also gets this and doesn’t need you to perform a certain way for them to feel loved.
What if the two of you come together - have so much fun together, and love each other for who you are and who you will be?
Sounds amazing doesn’t it?
I don’t know about you but I get so freakin’ inspired when I see couples like this. They give me hope. You know these couples…or maybe you don’t because, honestly, they do seem to be few and far between - but they get so excited to spend time with one another. Yet, they appreciate their differences and even celebrate them, and always celebrate each other.
So whether you are about to enter your amazing next phase of life that won’t include a partner or will include a partner, How well do you know you? How much do you love you? Fall in lo ve with you and what is there to be concerned about. Partner or not? You’ve made it further than most people in this lifetime. And why wouldn’t you love yourself? You are amazing!
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Christine? Christine? Christine, where are you?
In my last episode, guest Barbara Decker stopped by. She has released her interview with me on her podcast: Live Well and Fully - you’ll find me on episode 5. Barbara has incredible guests on her show so take a listen to her other episodes as well!
Something fun that happened - is that when Barbara and I met online for the interview, we discovered that we live within driving distance from one another. We met up for breakfast recently and that was so much fun!
The amazing humans that I have been able to meet through this podcast and work has been incredible.
Of course, I’m here, on this podcast every month, and I’m so thankful for your time listening to this podcast.
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What’s in your life’s toolbox?
Your C.E.O. Toolbox is the analogy we use here for items and resources that help you get through tough moments, enjoy the amazing moments, and then also do the deeper work, as needed. The top of your toolbox should be stocked with your go-to resources for when you need assistance getting through the next moment or day type of times… the bottom of your toolbox is for resources for deeper level work - these are things that take a little more time and you wouldn’t have time to do in an emergency. Your C.E.O. Toolbox is yours. It should have the things that work for you, and you should take inventory from time to time because sometimes things that worked for you two years ago or a month ago, just won’t work any longer.
Today’s resource is A Universe Do It List, or AUDIT.
I first heard mention of this in an Abraham-Hicks video. It was shared that Esther Hicks would write down on a page a special to-do list.
This list would be on a page turned sideways - imagine it in landscape mode- with a vertical line down the center creating two columns. At the top of the two columns the title would be on the left: To Do - Me and the title on the right would be To Do - Universe.
For me, a lover of lists and also someone who likes to write things down, I decided to try this.
I started this on a whim and thought I’d do it for a few days, but I’ve now been doing this for over a month and it is a bit of a game-changer - at least it’s been for me.
So, if you’d like to give it a try, here are a few things to keep in mind, or to try:
- For the right side column, while I use To do - Universe… that word (universe) should be replaced by whatever/whomever you find comfort in when you're alone - be it God, Spirit, Jesus or something else. This list is for you and should be a word that works for you.
- Next, I’ve been doing these daily, so left column, for me, are simple things I have to do that day - like a 3-6 point bullet list of things such as - make dr appointment, go to work, clean something - those types of things - usually straight-forward, things that do not need a lot of thinking or processing time but I really need to do today.
- Then, anything else on my mind that is for future projects or plans, thoughts that take up my mental energy, those things I place on the right side. Allowing myself to let them go for now.
- You may find that’s enough and might throw the paper away at that point.
- What I’ve found I like to do is I take the list and fold it in half so I only see the TO DO - Me side. And on days when I can easily have that with me, I keep it with me. I use it to write notes on and cross off the things I’ve done. I decided to hold on to them for a little bit because I’ve found it incredibly fun to go back and look at things from 2-3 weeks ago that I put on that right column. Almost all of them easily resolved when the time was right - and by writing them down, I didn’t feel like I had to give them mental energy in the meantime.
- I shared this with my clients and they came back loving this activity - and each for different reasons. One of them asked me what I call this tool. And I hadn’t even thought of it - because I got it from someone else - but as I was assembling this episode, the word AUDIT came to mind.
AUDIT - A- U-D-I-T stands for A Universe Do It List
I realize that won’t work for you if you use something other than Universe in that right column, but I’m going to go with AUDIT. It feels right. The reminder to audit what you actually have the ability to do in a day's time - or whatever length of time you are using for your AUDIT, that is powerful.
While I’ve been using this daily, I initially thought it was a top of the toolbox item. What I’m finding is that the more I use it consistently its become a bottom of the toolbox item as it allows me to consider the things that I’m meant to focus on - freeing up time for me to enjoy who I am in my day ahead. And learn a lot about myself. It’s been so much fun.
Let’s find the funny!
[giggles from others]
I believe in the power of laughter for a quick reset when needed, and this is why I include this section within my monthly episodes.
I know I’ve mentioned before how much I love the show Taskmaster. Without fail, there is always a moment where I laugh out loud. Their official YouTube channel has some outtakes from seasons: super fun. I’ve linked Series 14 Outtakes - Part 2 on YouTube in the show notes. Enjoy that video or any of the content on the Taskmaster channel, if you need a laugh.
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What I Wish My Parents Knew
Today I welcome guest Cindy Muchnick, co-author of one of my favorite books for parents of teens: The Parent Compass. It’s an amazing book. Where I encourage you to transition into becoming a coach to your children, Cindy uses the word consultant.
Knowing that, it’s not so shocking why I love The Parent Compass so very much. I am thrilled that Cindy shared an audio with us for this podcast answering the question: What do you wish every parent knew?
This is Cindy Muchnick, co author of The Parent Compass, navigating your teens wellness and academic journey in today's competitive world. Here's what I wish every parent knew:
Look at the teen or tween that you have in front of you, and appreciate them for who they are, not for the child you're trying to inauthentically create.
What do I mean by that?
Look at this student, look at this person, look at this teen human and allow them to make the choices that they want to make in the interest that they have; in the courses that they want to take; in the mistakes that they make along the way. And appreciate them for who they are. You had your turn to be a teenager. And now it's their turn.
You can be there to guide them shoulder to shoulder but not as their manager fixing and micromanaging more as a consultant that offers advice and support when needed when asked for and appreciate that teenager for who they are. That means lock into what their interests are.
If you have a teen who's interested in the stock market, ask them questions about it. If you have a teen that's interested in fantasy football, ask them about it. Learn more about it. If you have a teen that's interested in flying the trapeze, then learn more about that to be interested in what excites them and appreciate them for who they are as individuals, not carbon copies of you. Not some person that is your trophy, but a human being who is figuring out life and trying to navigate the best they can with you as their cheerleader.
I couldn’t love this more than I do. Well said, Cindy.
My listener, if you haven’t already checked out the book, The Parent Compass, please do! And if you need some assistance figuring out who you are as you adjust to your new parenting role, the C.E.O. Training Team may be the perfect place for you!
Two Questions for You
Question 1: Do you know who you are?
and Question 2: Do you love who you are?
As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.
My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.
If you enjoyed this episode, please don’t forget to share it with others; it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. Also, don’t forget to follow this podcast - Your Empty Nest Coach - in your favorite podcast player - or register for a free account in the empty nest success home.
All the links and resources I mentioned, you’ll find in the episode’s show notes.
I’ll be back in December with a new episode. Enjoy the days leading up to the holiday season - they are just as important as the holiday itself - and there are more of those anyway.
My empty nest or future-empty nest friend, don’t you dare forget that YOU ARE AMAZING!
I love that you have made time for you today by listening to this episode. Should you be new here, know that there are over 160 other episodes waiting for your ears. If you aren’t new here, thank you for your continued support.
If you are wondering about the C.E.O. Training Team, this is for those of you who are looking for a little bit more than the podcast. I have weekly resources for you - Monday sessions called power hours - where you can pop in for a reset in a group setting, and get a little group coaching if we have the time. Your membership includes four 15-minute private coaching sessions (with me) to get you started, and much much more.
Just for listening to the end of this episode, I’ve created a coupon titled PodcastThankYou use this on check out to receive a generous $50 credit toward your new CEO Training Team membership. That code is PodcastThankYou no spaces, and each word is capitalized to start - you’ll find that in the show notes.
Use it soon as it’s only guaranteed for the first ten people who use it.
I’d love for you to join us!