Empty Nest Success Evangelist specializing in coaching mothers entering the empty nest. ★ Master Motivator ★ Podcast Host ★ Together we'll channel your freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy! ~ Christine, Your Empty Nest Coach
Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #167. Go ahead and t ap 30 seconds ahead if this isn't your first time listening and want to skip this introduction portion. In this podcast, I focus on helping parents who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - I like to say we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though, all are welcome here, as I’m all about coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up
[level-up music]
your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.
I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today. Here we go…
[up beat music]
00:00:56
This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally - the hotline video operator, popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.
00:1:23
Before we dive in, some quick reminders: Visit YourEmptyNestCoach.com or EmptyNestSuccess.com to find a ton of information, resources, and more that I have created for you. If you enjoy this podcast, don’t forget to follow it in your favorite podcast player - or register for a free account in the Empty Nest Success home. Those are the best ways to be notified when I release a new episode - which is helpful when I’m on a PodPause as I am now. A special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass. SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. Register today to gain immediate access to complimentary content or purchase premium content.
If you would like to jump around in the episode, look for the time markers found in the show notes or within the show transcript.
Links, resources mentioned in this episode, and time markers (if you like to jump around) will be found in the show notes - on most podcast listening platforms, you’ll need to scroll up, tap i for information or tap see more to view those show notes.
00:02:27
[computer game level up music (short)]
My Wish for You Today
My wish for you today is that you easily find beauty and joy as you embark on your day. Whether you discover it in nature, within your family or friends, through kindness of strangers, or maybe unexpected abundance makes an appearance.
00:02:47
[computer game level up music (short)]
New Things. New Things. New Things!
My current PodPause has been rewarding and rejuvenating. I’ve had time to work on content for the Empty Nest Success community and recently felt led to create a 30 Day Challenge, which is why I am popping into your feed today.
That’s right, the Challenge is my first new thing!
The #30DayChallenge to Empty Nest Success begins May 1st 2023. It’s designed to kick start your adventure of becoming the C.E.O. of Your Life!
This challenge will be delivered through daily videos that are 1 minute or less of your time. Videos will present a thought, an idea, or something you can begin to consider in your life. This challenge might be all you need or it you may find it leads you to dive in to even more of the content found in the Empty Nest Success online home. By the way, I created a guidebook to go along with the challenge. It contains a list of topics for each day, a thank you offer if you take an extra step, and printable worksheets - if you like that sort of thing.
Curious on how to participate? Well, you may do so by simply following along on the socials as I’ll be posting all of the videos to TikTok, Instagram Reels, Facebook Reels, Pinterest, LinkedIn and YouTube shorts. That being said, it’s a great time to follow me on your favorite platform, if you haven’t done so already and you’ll find my profile @emptynestcoach in all the places. If you would like a little bit more in this challenge such as access to the guidebook, emails when a new video is posted and priority response on your video comments during the 30 days, then head over to EmptyNestSuccess.com and register for a complimentary account - no payment required.
The challenge is filled with what I consider top tips from my four years of content creation! If you are listening to this episode well after May of 2023, I invite you to visit EmptyNestSuccess.com to learn how to participate. Consider this - this moment right here - your official invitation to join us, and tell a friend - or two - or two hundred. 😉 Thanks!
00:05:13
MY Second New thing, isn’t really a new thing, just an update:
My podpause will continue after this episode. I do plan to be back regularly this summer, after the challenge is wrapped up and more content in the community has been updated. If you are looking for curated episodes or would like to search on a topic, visit EmptyNestSuccess.com and tap on Audio Content in the menu.
00:05:39
With that, I’m going to wrap this episode. I’d love to see you participate in the 30 Day Challenge if you’re feeling led to join in. As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.
My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life. If you enjoyed this episode, please don’t forget to share it with others; it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience and get it to the people who could use it. A reminder to check out the episode show notes and check in on your relationship with yourself my empty nest friend. After all, YOU ARE AMAZING! Chat next time.
Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #166. If this isn't your first time listening and you want to skip the introduction portion feel free to tap forward a couple of times. In this podcast, I focus on helping parents who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - I like to say: we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though; all are welcome here, as I’m focused on coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life, and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up
[level-up music]
your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.
I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today.
Here we go..
[up beat music]
00:00:50
This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.
00:01:18
Before we dive in - a special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass. SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. Register today for a free account to unlock a sampling of those resources - head over to EmptyNestSuccess.com - where you also may also support this podcast, join the C.E.O. Training Team, or purchase other premium content.
00:00:00
[computer game level up music (short)]
My Wish for You Today
My wish for you today is that YOU create your goals. And that you have no problem letting go of goals that don’t serve you. I also send wishes for you that your goals are inspiring. And the goals that you must do, you’re able to find inspiring thoughts about them. And, as a reminder, you aren’t your goals.
00:02:09
[computer game level up music (short)]
New Things. New Things. New Things!
New Things in the New Year. If you’re listening to this episode at a different time, I wish you a happy new day. Each day has the gift of providing a tremendous new start for your life. I’m excited for you!
The biggest new thing for me, isn’t really a new thing.
If you are so inclined, you can take a listen to the episode I released about this time last year - I had plans. I was going to take a podpause - where I pause releasing podcast episodes - and had plans for what I’d do with that time.
And then it was 2022. I did buy a house and the house needed way more work than I was expecting. I had a lot less free time than I originally planned and well - it is life after all - things did not go as planned. But I did have a lot of fun figuring it all out. The one area that was neglected the most was - yes, this podcast - and all the things I planned to do around it.
I’m ever so thankful for the C.E.O. Training Team members this year - The Training Team work has been incredibly fun to continue through all of my life changes.
I’m also super proud that we DID manage to migrate (ha ha ha) from the term of flock to the C.E.O. Training Team - helping you to become the Conscious Effective Olympian of your life in a way that you learn to trust your own inner guidance - that’s all very important to me.
In relistening to episode 155 - where I shared about last year’s change - I had forgotten that so much of this setup was all new this year. Which means I’m taking the time to celebrate that win as we embark on year 2 of the C.E.O. Training Team offering! If you’d like to hear more about the beginnings of the C.E.O. Training Team, take a listen to that episode- you’ll find it in the show notes.
I’m sharing this with you because, well, I have the same plans this year, as last year - After this episode, I’m taking podpause again. I’ll focus on the C.E.O. Training Team - building up resources, curating content, the delivery of the Empty Nest Success app and some other surprises!
If you aren’t already following me on the socials, I invite you to join me now - you’ll find me on most platforms with the handle @emptynestcoach. If you’re looking for a bit more, sign up for a free account in the Empty Nest Success community to stay in the know - receive weekly what if affirmations - and more!
[computer game level up music (short)]
00:04:40
My Lessons Learned
When Emotions are Like Farts
I couldn’t resist this title and this one came right from a C.E.O. Training Team Power Hour session!
I’m kind of in love with this new analogy, too.
One of the amazing humans in our group was sharing about losing patience with their emerging adult kiddo. And from what I understand - they really losing their patience.
My listener, we don’t judge here, this is life - and I invite you to take a moment and imagine something that might cause you to lose your patience with your child - are they not helping around the house? Are they being disrespectful? Are they making a mess and expecting you to clean it up all the time - or is it way more serious? Take a moment to think about it and then imagine that straw-on-a-camel's-back moment when it becomes too much and you - for lack of better words - lose it - whatever that looks like for you.
High-level, your emotions take over and they steamroll you, your Protector is on high-alert - all the alarms are going off in your mind - and your protector’s amazing job of protecting - allows your emotions to let loose.
It makes sense.
[dramatic music begins]
The emotions you have have been bottled up and get to a point where they need to escape - and this incredible human who started this whole conversation in our Power Hour said - you know, it has to come up - kind of like a fart.
Oh my goodness, that made me smile. What an amazing analogy.
And then we went a bit deeper with the analogy, and I mentioned that yeah, it is like fart but when we have the emotions and we don’t address them internally - it is as if we have to pass gas so bad while we are in a room full of people and we’re trying to figure out how to cover up this thing up. You know it’s going to happen and it ends up being those clear-the-room types of silent but deadly gas sessions. Oh my.
[music ends]
And that is scenario 1 for your emotions: you feel all those emotions rising within you, you’re trying to hold it together, with sincere effort to find the right words but you don’t feel like they are working… and - yeah,
[dramatic music]
here it comes.
[new music - more inspirational]
THEN there’s scenario 2. You feel the gas rumbling, you know it needs to be released. You excuse yourself from the room - knowing it will be really uncomfortable if you don’t - and, yeah, for this one you even head outside and have the glorious, abundant freedom to LET IT RIP. Ah, sweet relief.
If this scenario were our emotions… imagine we can feel we are headed to a blow up of epic proportions. That is a good time to consider sharing something like “I’m experiencing some strong emotions here and I’m going to excuse myself for a bit allowing myself to come back when I’m sure these are warranted emotions for where we are.” And try to get some time to process the emotions in a way that serves you - this is a great time to use your C.E.O. Toolbox items.
You can start by identifying the emotions & labeling them. Figure out what thoughts are driving those emotions - and ask yourself if those words are true - you can also process them out in a way that works for you: journaling, walking, running, using boxing gloves and a punching bag - or a pillow - whatever works for you.
Sometimes you’ll realize - oh, for sure - that emotion is what I need right now - other times you may find yourself feeling differently.
Allow yourself to explore your thoughts and emotions with love. You aren’t your thoughts and you aren’t your emotions, after all. You are so much more!
I’m cheering you on, friend. Now go let those farts out.
00:09:00
Two Questions for You
Question 1: How do you handle your farts in life: emotional and real ones?
and Question 2: Do you know in your heart: you are amazing?
[level-up music]
00:09:18
This one’s a short episode, but it feels right for where we are. While I’ll be back with more episodes later in 2023, I’ll be adding content to the Empty Nest Success community weekly - and would love to see you there!
As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.
My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.
If you enjoyed this episode, please don’t forget to share it with others; it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. Also, don’t forget to follow this podcast - Your Empty Nest Coach - in your favorite podcast player - or register for your account in the Empty Nest Success home.
As always, links and resources I mentioned in this episode, you’ll find in the show notes.
Enjoy each and every day, my future empty nest friend. You deserve that, because after all, YOU ARE AMAZING!
[end music]
00:10:18
[bloopers with beeps & silly music]
00:10:39
Still Listening?
I love that you have made time [for YOU] today by listening to this episode. Should you be new here, know that there are over 160 other episodes waiting for your ears. If you aren’t new here, thank you for your continued support.
Should you be curious about the C.E.O. Training Team, this offering is for those of you who are looking for a little bit more than the podcast. I have weekly resources for you, Monday sessions called Power Hours - where you can pop in for a reset in a group setting, and get a little group coaching if we have the time. Your membership includes four 15-minute private coaching sessions (with me) to get you started, and much much more.
I have a special thank you just for listening to the end of this episode: I’ve created a coupon titled PodcastThankYou use this on check out to receive a generous $50 credit toward your new CEO Training Team membership. That code is PodcastThankYou no spaces, and each word is capitalized to start - you’ll find it in the show notes.
Be sure to use that code soon as it’s only guaranteed for the first few months in 2023.
Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #165. If this isn't your first time listening and you want to skip the introduction portion feel free to tap forward a couple of times. In this podcast, I focus on helping parents who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though; all are welcome here, as I’m focused on coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life, and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up
[level-up music]
your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.
I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today.
Here we go..
[up beat music]
00:00:52
This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.
00:01:21
Before we dive in - a special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass. SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. Register today for a free account to unlock a sampling of those resources - head over to EmptyNestSuccess.com - where you may also support this podcast, join the C.E.O. Training Team, or purchase other premium content.
Want to know more about the C.E.O. Training team? I’ll share more at the tail end of this episode.
If you are here looking for something specific or would like to hop around within this episode, you’ll find time markers in the show notes.
00:01:59
[computer game level up music (short)]
My Wish for You Today
My wish for you today is that you are able to sit in the simmer that is your life: meaning that you are able to “Be” in the NOW, this moment right here, and the next moment, and the next moment. These moments are your life. This is what matters. Breathe in and out, take in what is, feel the emotions and get to the other side of them. What are they telling you about your thoughts, and how can you change those thoughts so that the next moment is just as good or better than your last moment? You’ve got this!
00:02:42
[computer game level up music (short)]
New Things. New Things. New Things!
My personal life has so many new things, I can barely keep up with myself. How are your new things going? Whether your new thing is adjusting to the idea of your child becoming an adult, or you are writing a book. Each new thing is progress in learning more about who you are. I’m so excited for you!
For me, I will be a bit quieter on social media for a few months. I was just reading a transcript of a video I made in 2021 about “The Things I Plan to do in 2022.” Oo, that’s funny. [giggles] Life had other plans for me, and that is TOTALLY okay. While this year wasn’t so much about growing my podcast and coaching business, it was VERY much about settling into my life now that the divorce has been finalized - I could list all those things but that would need 2 or 3 episodes on its own.
Now, in November, I did my 2023 planning early and much of the next year will be about having fun preparing for 2024 and beyond.
And I’m not kidding when I say having fun is going to be my biggest focus - even when I’m doing things I wouldn’t normally consider fun. There very well may be seasons in 2023 that feel like I’ve disappeared, or am hibernating. But don’t be fooled, I’ll be establishing strong roots (like the root system of the mighty Oak tree) - yes, there is a reason I changed my last name to include Oak in it.
But no matter what 2024 brings for me, I’m so freaking excited to follow my joy, my bliss and to be selfishly happy in all that I do in 2023. Want to join me?
00:04:31
In my last episode, I mentioned that I was trying Magic Mind, a green drink shot that is designed to take with your coffee - or if you aren’t a coffee drinker - you can use Magic Mind all on its own. More than 30 days after starting Magic Mind… what are my thoughts?
This elixir has allowed me to decrease my coffee intake - without drama - has allowed me to be way more focused on the things that matter, and has coincided with some large decisions in my life - can I say it is all because of Magic Mind? Probably not, but I do believe that the mental clarity I’ve received from taking Magic Mind was a significant part of some of my decisions this month. That feels amazing.
Magic Mind has become a regular part of my life and now sits in the top drawer of my C.E.O. Toolbox!
Magic Mind has provided a 20% off code to share with listeners of my podcast. The code is FEELAMAZING20. To use it, visit magicmind.co slash FEELAMAZING and enter the code FEELAMAZING20 - all caps - at checkout. You’ll find this information in my show notes.
Not quite sure about it - no worries - Magic Mind does have a money back guarantee AND if you sign up for the subscription it's 40% off right now - that’s the one I signed up for! That 40% code, though, only lasts 10 days from your first click through, so don’t miss out on it. If you do order through my link and would like to share your experience in an upcoming episode, let me know!
00:06:08
[computer game level up music (short)]
My Lessons Learned
Your Life’s Traffic - Who Do You Trust?
Here I go again with the analogies, and I do love analogies.
This one is about trusting the information you have about YOU and YOUR life.
I used to walk early in the mornings and sometimes would cross a large road - one with four lanes.
An advantage to crossing early in the morning was that there was no traffic. If there was any - you could see it coming easily - no running across the highway needed. Disadvantages to crossing early in the morning? Honestly, I can’t think of any, unless you hate mornings.
The road I’m thinking of is one that if you knew the area and I told you I was randomly walking across it in the morning - you might stop in your tracks - especially if I didn’t mention the time of day - but for some, that wouldn’t even matter. They may say:
Wait, what do you mean? The traffic is so busy there! Why would you walk there? You walk in that area? Where are you walking to? Why wouldn’t you just drive?
These are just some sample thoughts others could share.
Now, who knows, really, what the road and area was like when I was there? Me and me. Maybe a random car that I waited to drive by, but usually it was just me.
If I was then influenced by this other person’s thoughts about my walk and made changes based on it - how much sense would that make?
Do they know the situation? Did they know the weather? The planning I took? The safety measures I put in place? The nothingness of traffic?
No, they don’t. Yet, how often in life do we allow other people’s words - their thoughts - about our happenings in life - directly influence us.
As if they spend time in our minds and know all the things we’ve processed.
Sometimes these people aren’t even a part of our support system - and we still allow their comments to change our course.
While I’m not saying to ignore all the people and things out there in the world, what I am saying is keep in mind that they don’t know all the things all the time.
Support system or not, do you trust yourself as you cross the streets in your life? As you take steps moving forward in your life?
A more important question is how can you trust yourself if you don’t know yourself? For many of us, we think we are following our own inner guidance but upon deeper reflection we discover that we are really following the voices and direction of many other influences in our life.
Your GPS of your life ultimately should be your inner guidance. YOU. You are the only person, after all, with you from the moment you are born until your last breath. Learn to love yourself, learn to be your own biggest fan, and gift yourself with discovering who you are. You are so worth it.
Inner guidance sounds amazing doesn’t it? The honest truth is it takes patience, time, continued observation and a joyous investment in your evolution to uncover your inner guidance. If you want to know more, my earlier episodes will help you get started.
00:09:39
[computer game level up music (short)]
Ask Coach Christine
Christine, I’m going through a divorce, and I’m not sure I’ll ever want to be with another partner again. Should I be concerned?
If you do the work to heal, to discover who you are and love who you are, and come to the conclusion that you don’t want another partner. What’s the big deal?
If you are scared that you’ll never find love again, don’t beat yourself up for feeling that way but also see that it is a thought that isn’t serving you right now. And depending on how long it has been, it may not be a great idea to jump into another relationship right away, anyway. That new relationship may end up looking just like the one you got out of because that probably feels super comfortable to you - even if it wasn’t great.
I’m not one to judge, and I’m not going to tell you what to do, but I would encourage you to take time to fall in love with you first, if you aren’t there already. If you don’t love yourself, if you don’t know who you are, how do you know who would be a good partner for you?
What if you love yourself enough to know quickly who isn’t a fit? That would be amazing wouldn’t it?
What if you love yourself enough to not settle because sure, it may be great to not be alone but also, being with the wrong person can be a bit of a drag.
What if you love yourself enough to protect yourself?
What if you went into your next relationship in a way that wasn’t looking for them to make you feel loved but enter it already loving yourself, enter it looking for someone who also gets this and doesn’t need you to perform a certain way for them to feel loved.
What if the two of you come together - have so much fun together, and love each other for who you are and who you will be?
Sounds amazing doesn’t it?
I don’t know about you but I get so freakin’ inspired when I see couples like this. They give me hope. You know these couples…or maybe you don’t because, honestly, they do seem to be few and far between - but they get so excited to spend time with one another. Yet, they appreciate their differences and even celebrate them, and always celebrate each other.
So whether you are about to enter your amazing next phase of life that won’t include a partner or will include a partner, How well do you know you? How much do you love you? Fall in lo ve with you and what is there to be concerned about. Partner or not? You’ve made it further than most people in this lifetime. And why wouldn’t you love yourself? You are amazing!
00:12:38
[quirky music under segment]
Christine? Christine? Christine, where are you?
In my last episode, guest Barbara Decker stopped by. She has released her interview with me on her podcast: Live Well and Fully - you’ll find me on episode 5. Barbara has incredible guests on her show so take a listen to her other episodes as well!
Something fun that happened - is that when Barbara and I met online for the interview, we discovered that we live within driving distance from one another. We met up for breakfast recently and that was so much fun!
The amazing humans that I have been able to meet through this podcast and work has been incredible.
Of course, I’m here, on this podcast every month, and I’m so thankful for your time listening to this podcast.
00:13:34
[computer game level up music (short)]
What’s in your life’s toolbox?
Your C.E.O. Toolbox is the analogy we use here for items and resources that help you get through tough moments, enjoy the amazing moments, and then also do the deeper work, as needed. The top of your toolbox should be stocked with your go-to resources for when you need assistance getting through the next moment or day type of times… the bottom of your toolbox is for resources for deeper level work - these are things that take a little more time and you wouldn’t have time to do in an emergency. Your C.E.O. Toolbox is yours. It should have the things that work for you, and you should take inventory from time to time because sometimes things that worked for you two years ago or a month ago, just won’t work any longer.
Today’s resource is A Universe Do It List, or AUDIT.
I first heard mention of this in an Abraham-Hicks video. It was shared that Esther Hicks would write down on a page a special to-do list.
This list would be on a page turned sideways - imagine it in landscape mode- with a vertical line down the center creating two columns. At the top of the two columns the title would be on the left: To Do - Me and the title on the right would be To Do - Universe.
For me, a lover of lists and also someone who likes to write things down, I decided to try this.
I started this on a whim and thought I’d do it for a few days, but I’ve now been doing this for over a month and it is a bit of a game-changer - at least it’s been for me.
So, if you’d like to give it a try, here are a few things to keep in mind, or to try:
For the right side column, while I use To do - Universe… that word (universe) should be replaced by whatever/whomever you find comfort in when you're alone - be it God, Spirit, Jesus or something else. This list is for you and should be a word that works for you.
Next, I’ve been doing these daily, so left column, for me, are simple things I have to do that day - like a 3-6 point bullet list of things such as - make dr appointment, go to work, clean something - those types of things - usually straight-forward, things that do not need a lot of thinking or processing time but I really need to do today.
Then, anything else on my mind that is for future projects or plans, thoughts that take up my mental energy, those things I place on the right side. Allowing myself to let them go for now.
You may find that’s enough and might throw the paper away at that point.
What I’ve found I like to do is I take the list and fold it in half so I only see the TO DO - Me side. And on days when I can easily have that with me, I keep it with me. I use it to write notes on and cross off the things I’ve done. I decided to hold on to them for a little bit because I’ve found it incredibly fun to go back and look at things from 2-3 weeks ago that I put on that right column. Almost all of them easily resolved when the time was right - and by writing them down, I didn’t feel like I had to give them mental energy in the meantime.
I shared this with my clients and they came back loving this activity - and each for different reasons. One of them asked me what I call this tool. And I hadn’t even thought of it - because I got it from someone else - but as I was assembling this episode, the word AUDIT came to mind.
AUDIT - A- U-D-I-T stands for A Universe Do It List
I realize that won’t work for you if you use something other than Universe in that right column, but I’m going to go with AUDIT. It feels right. The reminder to audit what you actually have the ability to do in a day's time - or whatever length of time you are using for your AUDIT, that is powerful.
While I’ve been using this daily, I initially thought it was a top of the toolbox item. What I’m finding is that the more I use it consistently its become a bottom of the toolbox item as it allows me to consider the things that I’m meant to focus on - freeing up time for me to enjoy who I am in my day ahead. And learn a lot about myself. It’s been so much fun.
00:18:07
Let’s find the funny!
[giggles from others]
I believe in the power of laughter for a quick reset when needed, and this is why I include this section within my monthly episodes.
I know I’ve mentioned before how much I love the show Taskmaster. Without fail, there is always a moment where I laugh out loud. Their official YouTube channel has some outtakes from seasons: super fun. I’ve linked Series 14 Outtakes - Part 2 on YouTube in the show notes. Enjoy that video or any of the content on the Taskmaster channel, if you need a laugh.
00:18:44
[computer game level up music (short)]
What I Wish My Parents Knew
Today I welcome guest Cindy Muchnick, co-author of one of my favorite books for parents of teens: The Parent Compass. It’s an amazing book. Where I encourage you to transition into becoming a coach to your children, Cindy uses the word consultant.
Knowing that, it’s not so shocking why I love The Parent Compass so very much. I am thrilled that Cindy shared an audio with us for this podcast answering the question: What do you wish every parent knew?
00:19:19
This is Cindy Muchnick, co author of The Parent Compass, navigating your teens wellness and academic journey in today's competitive world. Here's what I wish every parent knew:
Look at the teen or tween that you have in front of you, and appreciate them for who they are, not for the child you're trying to inauthentically create.
What do I mean by that?
Look at this student, look at this person, look at this teen human and allow them to make the choices that they want to make in the interest that they have; in the courses that they want to take; in the mistakes that they make along the way. And appreciate them for who they are. You had your turn to be a teenager. And now it's their turn.
You can be there to guide them shoulder to shoulder but not as their manager fixing and micromanaging more as a consultant that offers advice and support when needed when asked for and appreciate that teenager for who they are. That means lock into what their interests are.
If you have a teen who's interested in the stock market, ask them questions about it. If you have a teen that's interested in fantasy football, ask them about it. Learn more about it. If you have a teen that's interested in flying the trapeze, then learn more about that to be interested in what excites them and appreciate them for who they are as individuals, not carbon copies of you. Not some person that is your trophy, but a human being who is figuring out life and trying to navigate the best they can with you as their cheerleader.
I couldn’t love this more than I do. Well said, Cindy.
My listener, if you haven’t already checked out the book, The Parent Compass, please do! And if you need some assistance figuring out who you are as you adjust to your new parenting role, the C.E.O. Training Team may be the perfect place for you!
00:21:13
Two Questions for You
Question 1: Do you know who you are?
and Question 2: Do you love who you are?
As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.
My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.
If you enjoyed this episode, please don’t forget to share it with others; it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. Also, don’t forget to follow this podcast - Your Empty Nest Coach - in your favorite podcast player - or register for a free account in the empty nest success home.
All the links and resources I mentioned, you’ll find in the episode’s show notes.
I’ll be back in December with a new episode. Enjoy the days leading up to the holiday season - they are just as important as the holiday itself - and there are more of those anyway.
My empty nest or future-empty nest friend, don’t you dare forget that YOU ARE AMAZING!
[end music]
00:22:16
[bloopers]
00:22:51
Still Listening?
I love that you have made time for you today by listening to this episode. Should you be new here, know that there are over 160 other episodes waiting for your ears. If you aren’t new here, thank you for your continued support.
If you are wondering about the C.E.O. Training Team, this is for those of you who are looking for a little bit more than the podcast. I have weekly resources for you - Monday sessions called power hours - where you can pop in for a reset in a group setting, and get a little group coaching if we have the time. Your membership includes four 15-minute private coaching sessions (with me) to get you started, and much much more.
Just for listening to the end of this episode, I’ve created a coupon titled PodcastThankYou use this on check out to receive a generous $50 credit toward your new CEO Training Team membership. That code is PodcastThankYou no spaces, and each word is capitalized to start - you’ll find that in the show notes.
Use it soon as it’s only guaranteed for the first ten people who use it.
164: Empty Nest Success - The Power of Mini Escapes in Life & Guest Barbara Decker has a message for Parents of Someone with an Addiction
Hello, my amazing friend.
This is a packed episode with a variety of topics:
The Power of Mini Escapes (resets) in life
Some Thoughts on Meditation
Guest Barbara Decker shares a message for Parents of Someone with an Addiction
What elixir have I tried that so far is a game-changer?
A Special Offer to Join the C.E.O. Training Team to Empty Nest Success
And more!
All the details are below if you'd like to jump around.
Have a thought-noticing and beautiful month ahead: be curious about your thoughts and how they make you feel. There is an incredible amount of power there.
As always, I'm cheering you on!
Coach Christine,
Your Empty Nest Coach
"The more you can take care of yourself - physically and emotionally, the more you will be able to show up for your child. ... Consider your dreams, notice your thoughts and emotions - notice them with love and curiosity."
Listen now or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.
More goodies are below, too! Please scroll down to see them all!
Ep. 164 of the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast includes topics: the power of a mini escape, meditation, guest Barbara Decker stops by & more! #emptynest #life #emptynestsuccess #midlifemom #resets #parentrecoveryadvocate #barbaradecker
Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #164. If this isn't your first time listening and you want to skip the introduction portion feel free to tap forward a couple of times. In this podcast, I focus on helping parents who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though; all are welcome here, as I’m focused on coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life, and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up
[level-up music]
your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.
I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today.
Here we go..
[up beat music]
00:00:47
This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.
00:1:16
Before we dive in - a special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass. SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. Register today for a free account to unlock a sampling of those resources - head over to EmptyNestSuccess.com - where you may also support this podcast, join the C.E.O. Training Team, or purchase other premium content.
Want to know more about the C.E.O. Training team? I’ll share more at the tail end of this episode.
If you are looking for something specific or would like to hop around within this episode, you’ll find time markers in the show notes.
00:01:52
[computer game level up music (short)]
My Wish for You Today
My wish for you today is that you are able to consider everything. The beautiful thing about our journey in this life is that we are ever-changing. We aren’t the same person we were a week ago, a month ago, a year ago - and well, you get the idea. Things that we might have said no-way to years ago may now be worth considering again. No, definitely not all things - some things have been let go of for healthy reasons - but don’t be surprised if things periodically pop back in your life - whether a relationship, a job, a living situation, a hobby, or something else.
Considering something doesn’t mean you have to do it, it doesn’t mean you have to like it. What is fun is to see if and potentially how you have changed in your thought-process, if at all. By considering things you get to dive a little deeper in who you are now - and isn’t that worth a few minutes of time?
Whether you reconsider something and quickly know that no, you haven’t changed your thoughts on that, OR whether you now see things in a different way - it all in the end - means whatever you make it mean. Let it mean something fun, let it mean self-exploration, let it mean discovery. You don’t have to force it; merely consider it.
00:03:20
[computer game level up music (short)]
New Things. New Things. New Things!
It's been a month of adventure for me that that hat included a cross-country flight over a long weekend - wow, the jet lag really took its toll on me the rest of the week I returned - AND then just as I was almost feeling myself, a close friend flew into town for a week - and the almost three weeks of continuous being out of my routine has been a fantastic reset - one of those resets where you have had an amazing time but a week of the usual routine, doing laundry and catching up sounds kind of great right now.
Isn’t it funny how we do these things to escape our usual routine and then when we are away from them, we might discover how much some of those things bring comfort to our life?
I also tested three Quick Take episodes last month - they were a fun experiment but I think those will be the exception, rather than the rule.
00:04:15
The newest thing that I don’t want to forget to share with you is the company Magic Mind reached out to me and invited me to become a Magic Maker. I didn’t really know what that meant but know that I am not one to share things with you that I don’t absolutely love so I requested a sample which I tried this past week, and oh my goodness, so far I really do love this one. So much that I might have begged for a few more samples AND I also placed my own order. I can’t wait ‘til my next package arrives!
If you are like me of two weeks ago and have never heard of Magic Mind, I’d like to share a teeny tiny bit about it with you today - you can read more on their website! My sample arrived this week and I’ll be honest, I had done NO research. It arrived in the most adorable packaging with three fun bottles (or shots) of this incredible elixir that really did feel a bit magical. I had made the incorrect assumption that this was a coffee replacement. It isn’t. With all of my recent traveling and projects, I had been sleeping in, not posting on socials and I was up to three cups of coffee a day, and that is not so great for me.
After reading the information that arrived with the samples, I discovered it’s meant to be taken with your coffee - or if you aren’t a coffee drinker - you can use Magic Mind all on its own. The first day, I DID brace myself a bit on as this is a green drink and I’ve tried more than my fair share of green beverages - Let’s be honest, good taste isn’t always included. But much to my surprise, I did enjoy the taste!
This elixir put a pep in my step, helped me to be way more focused and kept my energy levels steady throughout the day - I even slept better and got to the end of my days surprised that that first cup of coffee in the morning was all I needed.
I’m adding Magic Mind to the top of my C.E.O. Toolbox, but honestly, it may move right into a permanent space in the bottom of my toolbox - it does seem that good!
Don’t worry, though, I’m not going to leave you hanging. I’ll provide an update next month and let you know how it’s all going. I’ve been making a video diary of the experience too.
I invite you to join me in this experiment! Magic Mind have given me a 20% off code to share with you: it’s FEELAMAZING20. To use it, visit magicmind.co slash FEELAMAZING and enter the code FEELAMAZING20 - all caps - at checkout. Of course, you’ll find this information in my show notes. Magic Mind does have a money back guarantee AND if you get the subscription it's 40% off right now - that’s the one I signed up for! But know that 40% code only lasts 10 days, so don’t miss out on it. If you do order through my link and would like to share your experience on my next episode, let me know!
00:07:08
[computer game level up music (short)]
My Lessons Learned
[inspirational music plays under this segment]
The power of mini-escapes from our life.
What is your normal day-to-day life like? For some of us, it is highly structured - alarm wakes us up and we do things non-stop until our head hits the pillow. For others of us, it’s a bit more chillax - where we have our top three things to get done this week and we’re happy. And that relaxed pace is our routine.
There is no right or wrong here, by the way. You aren’t worth more as a human on this planet because you did more things today. For some of us the busy-ness is our happy place. For others the busy-ness robs us of joy. Your ability to be busy or not busy is for you to figure out, to know what level of activity allows you to find the most joy in your life. And that level probably won’t match others in your life. I want you to know that that is okay.
What I really want to discuss, and it is related, is the power of breaking out of our normal routines to allow us to see the routines of our life with fresh eyes.
For some of this us, this takes a large vacation. For others, it is a staycation but with no plans. It doesn’t have to take a huge amount of time for your reset to engage either, but enough time to feel like you were able to step away.
I’ve found local things that provide this for me - heading to a campsite for a few hours to create a campfire and stare at the logs; or popping into a local casino with only $20 to spend to see how long it lasts. This one might be for me, due to the Vegas trips I did when I was younger - and I enjoy the game of craps - but five minutes in a casino and I feel like I’ve walked into another dimension - talk about a reset. And if you aren’t new here, you know that walks in a forest help me too. I have found that, personally, I need a minimum of 30 minutes solo to get the most out of those but when I make that happen regularly, it’s a game-changer.
YOU don’t need to have a campfire; a walk in the woods, or to go to a casino. BUT what I do recommend is that you find an activity or activities - or maybe it's people that allow you to feel a bit of a reset from your life.
And I encourage you that it doesn’t have to be a full vacation. That might not be a financial possibility for you right now - but don’t let that stop you from being creative here.
Most of us know that time away from things and people helps us to appreciate what we have, and see them in a new light. Absence makes the heart grow fonder after all.
What I find continuously fascinating is how I change in my response to things, as I mature and change. Not only in my daily routines but also in my resets.
I recently confirmed that for me right now solo travel, when I’m able to do it is fantastic for me. My trip to California, I didn’t have one moment where I wished, “Oh I wish I had someone to join me,” in what I’m doing.
I love the people in my life, but I also love my alone time. On that trip I got to speak at a school, made new friends, did things that I found locals had never done, and I really enjoyed stepping off the plane with no plans for seven hours. I seriously got in my rental car, looked up the nearest beach in Google Maps and my adventure began.
If you notice too, I said that “right now solo travel is fantastic for me.”
I can absolutely imagine a day where I will want to experience travel with a travel partner but until then I’m going to enjoy where I am and what I am doing fully.
And whether I’m in my reset or in my routine, I have the opportunity to learn more about myself. There were things about my trip that I thought I wouldn’t really love but found, actually, they were exactly what I needed - and also the opposite happened.
I returned home to jet lag that I had never experienced at that level before - and this is where I remember…hmmm… I am not 20, so maybe going right from the airport, taking a shower, and working isn’t the best choice for me. I’ll be honest, I knew that was going to be a tough one, but I wanted to try. I did. And now I know more.
Then going right into a somewhat staycation where a friend visited me, I was able to see where I live in a new light - someone who loves the cool air and seeing the changing leaves for fall - their excitement really reminded me how lovely where I live is.
Then returning to the usual routine, provides so much internal knowledge: what are the things I love, what are the things I don’t love and are those things I can change? Why or why not?
To be honest, I’ve had a few surprises hit me about who I am and who I want to be over the next few years. Some of the ideas I have are in direct opposition to goals that I have had for the last few years. I’m going to have some fun playing with those thoughts in the days and weeks ahead.
I share all these thoughts and ideas with you because sometimes it helps to hear other people go through the changes and the reconsideration. It would have been easy for me to keep on keeping on because that’s what I said I’d do - but when you’ve been through as many changes as I have over the last couple of years, honestly, what’s one more? Also, I may process this all out and still keep on keeping on, in the end.
Either way, I’m going to have a great time figuring it out because it is this - the now - the day to day stuff where I get to fully live life. Isn’t it fascinating how when we get to do the things we’ve been striving for for a long time that we then discover new things about ourselves and new goals? After all, the finish line for one thing is the starting line for our next adventure.
Analogy wise, this kind of has that love it or list it vibe - you know you do the thing that isn’t in your normal and then find that with some changes you are perfectly happy where you are. Or, you discover, yep, time to move is here.
I encourage you to consider it all. Have fun with the thoughts that pop up. You don’t have to keep any of them - especially if they don’t make you feel good - let those go. But the ones - the thoughts - that make you curious, that allow you to dream a bit more - try leaning into those. Whether it is during your reset or your routine. Both are important.
00:13:41
[computer game level up music (short)]
Ask Coach Christine
Christine, what things can I do to prepare and make the most of my emerging adult being away or leaving home?
The more you can take care of yourself - physically and emotionally, the more you will be able to show up for your child. This is a great time to begin to consider and prepare your CEO Life’s Toolbox items. I have episodes about those - I’ll put them in the show notes. Consider your dreams, notice your thoughts and emotions - notice them with love and curiosity.
Taking care of you allows you to provide the space for your emerging adult to be who they are. Love them fully, when they share things and you feel strong emotions, take a pause. Consider the relationship you want with them in ten years and begin to build that now - showing up slowly for them as a coach, not just a parent.
On another note, for those of you who are about to have your child return home for a bit, remember that they’re different from the person that has left. I have more resources on that that I’ve shared over time and I’ll, again, have those in the show notes.
00:14:55
[computer game level up music (short)]
Celebrating you and your wins
I remembered to post a video to collect wins this month, but I’ll be honest, I didn’t give a ton of notice before I needed to hit record. However, I had a few amazing women jump in to share their wins on Instagram!
Katherine of the5KiloTraveller shares: My book is with beta readers and I’m getting helpful and lovely feedback. After 2 years of writing it's amazing to be at this point.
RamonaWildeman shared: I hiked two times this week and cycled two times as well.
And Lady Katricia shares: I woke up happy today.
[cheers]
I love all of these so much!
If you want your win included next time, be sure to follow me on Instagram or TikTok and comment on the next Celebrate Your Win video that I post - be sure to add a microphone emoji so I know I have your permission to share your win with my listeners. Remember: wins big and small we celebrate them all. I can’t wait to cheer you on!
00:15:59
[computer game level up music (short)]
What’s in your life’s toolbox?
Your C.E.O. Toolbox is the analogy we use here for items and resources that help you get through tough moments, enjoy the amazing moments, and then also do the deeper work as needed. Your C.E.O. Toolbox is yours. It should have the things that work for you, and you should take inventory from time to time because sometimes things that worked well for you two years ago or a month ago, just aren’t working any longer.
Let’s talk about meditation.
Are you someone who can easily meditate? I have never had this come easy for me. I’d like to offer the idea that meditation doesn’t need to look a certain way. I have found I am most meditative when I’m in the forest alone and can focus on the sounds and details of my environment.
Recently, I tried listening to 15-minutes of sounds - I even created one for myself: I posted it on YouTube - it’s of rain, and I’m going to make a few more as time allows. As you know, I don’t share things with you that I haven’t tried myself.
I found, though, that as listening to this - that the rain sounds isn’t enough - my mind still stays really active.
One day I had paper and a pen nearby while I was listening to the sounds - I picked it up and started scribbling while listening to the sound, and suddenly I found that my mind was able to clear in a way I never experienced before.
I’m sure if you walked in seeing me do this, I can only imagine what ideas would go through your head but it works for me! For you it might be multiple sounds at once, or decluttering your house that bring you to a level of meditation.
I encourage you to release expectations and to play around a bit: maybe pull out some playdough or paint and listen to some bird sounds - you never know what combination will allow your mind to quiet.
But when you find it, you’ll know. It’s really good stuff. Be creative, have fun and let me know if you find something unexpected that works for you!
00:18:07
Let’s find the funny!
[giggles from others]
I believe in the power of laughter for a quick reset and this is why I include this section within my monthly episodes.
Today I welcome guest Barbara Decker: Parent Recovery Advocate, a Certified Family Recovery Specialist (CFRS) and founder of Live Well and Fully. Barbara recently interviewed me for one of her upcoming podcast episodes and we had a great time chatting - same energy, positivity and the work she does is incredibly valuable.
I am thrilled that Barbara shared an audio with us for this podcast answering the question: As a mother of someone with an addiction, what would you like other parents to know?
00:19:05
As the mother of someone with an addiction, there are some things I'd like other parents to know, the most important thing is that addiction is a disease. It's not a choice in the way you and I normally think of choices. It is a disease, just like asthma and diabetes, and cancer, etc, are diseases. And as such, there are treatment options. So I'd like parents to know that this is not a choice your child is making to behave, the way they're behaving, it is a disease that they have. And then I'd like to share with you the three things your child would like you to know. These are things they may not be able to say to you, but it's important that you know them because they're true.
Number one: it's not your fault. It really isn't your fault. Even if your child is telling you over and over and over that everything you do is your fault. It's not your fault. That's the disease speaking.
Thing Number two: they are filled with shame and guilt, they may not present that way to you. But that is how they feel. Inside they feel like terrible human beings who are incapable of being successful in life.
And the third thing I'd like you to know, because they want you to know is you cannot fix your son or daughter. Only they can change their lives. Only they can decide that they don't want to live this way anymore and take the action they need to take in order to make a change. There are things you as the parent can do to encourage them to choose a different path for themselves. And it's not easy and it takes work and it's possible. To learn more about the work that we do with the moms changing the moms, not the kids, visit www.LiveWellAndFully.com and find yourself a pocket of joy today because you are so worth it.
You can learn more about the incredible work that Barbara does on her website - please share widely!
00:21:13
Two Questions for You
Question 1: What life reset (new or usual) can you consider planning for in the near future?
and Question 2: Have you viewed a child’s addiction in the way that Barbara frames it here?
As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.
My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.
If you enjoy[ed] this episode, please don’t forget to share it with others; it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. Also, don’t forget to follow this podcast - Your Empty Nest Coach - in your favorite podcast player - or register for a free account in the empty nest success home. If you enjoy emails in your inbox, consider joining my Thursday Thoughts about email list: I’ll pop in your inbox with a thought and updates on most Thursdays. It’s a great way to stay connected with all things Your Empty Nest Coach.
All the links and resources I mentioned, you’ll find in the episode’s show notes.
I’ll be back in November with a new full episode.
My empty nest or future-empty nest friend, don’t you dare forget that YOU ARE AMAZING!
[end music]
00:22:29
[bloopers]
00:22:38
Still Listening?
I love that you have made time for you today by listening to this episode. Should you be new here, know that there are over 160 other episodes waiting for your ears. If you aren’t new here, thank you for your continual support.
If you are wondering about the C.E.O. Training Team, this is for those of you who are looking for a little bit more than the podcast. I have weekly resources for you - Monday sessions called power hours - where you can pop in for a reset in a group setting, and get a little group coaching if we have the time. Your membership includes four 15-minute private coaching sessions (with me) to get you started, and much much more.
Just for listening to the end of this episode, I’ve created a coupon titled PodcastThankYou use this on check out to receive a generous $50 credit toward your new CEO Training Team membership. That code is PodcastThankYou no spaces, and each word is capitalized to start - you’ll find that in the show notes.
Use it soon as it’s only guaranteed for the first ten people who use it.
160: Empty Nest Success - Give Your Child Space and Reaching Parenting Goals
Hello, my amazing friend.
Inspiration versus Motivation: it has been on my mind in all areas of my life.
In this episode, I share the idea of giving your child(ren) space to be inspired.
As I listened back to the episode, "inspirational parenting" came to mind to sum this up.
However, how I explain those two words here and what first comes to mind for you may be vastly different. I'd love to know your thoughts!
As always, I'm cheering you on!
Coach Christine,
Your Empty Nest Coach
"Give your children the space to be inspired to have a relationship with you: wouldn’t all of us much rather be with people who love us for who we are rather than remind us who we aren’t?"
Listen now or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.
More goodies are below, too! Please scroll down to see them all!
Empty Nest Success - inspirational parenting? This may not be what you had in mind. More in episode 160 of the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast #emptynest #life #emptynestsuccess #inspirationalparenting #parenting
Christine: Hi, I’m Coach Christine. This is my podcast, it’s the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, and we’re on episode #160. If this isn't your first time listening and you want to skip the introduction portion feel free to tap forward a couple of times. In this podcast, I focus on helping parents who are freaking out about the empty nest ahead - we'll take you from freaking out to feeling freaking awesome. No worries, though; all are welcome here, as I’m focused on coaching you to become the C.E.O. of Your Life, and in my world, C.E.O. stands for Conscious Effective Olympian. You’ll do this by leveling-up
[level-up music]
your life in small increments - those small wins add up to big changes.
I appreciate that you pressed play on this episode today.
Here we go..
[up beat music]
00:00:50
This podcast is my gift to you: a parent adjusting to the idea of an empty nest, or possibly a student who’s wondering how your parents are feeling about you heading out on your own. These podcast episodes will have a base of life coaching infused with reminders to cheer yourself on, and maybe with a dash of my alter ego, Sally, the hotline video operator popping in from time to time. I’m here to remind you that you should be your own biggest fan.
00:1:19
Before we dive in -a special thanks to our fabulous sponsor and my dear friends SupaPass. SupaPass powers the online home for all available resources that I have created for you. Register today for a free account to unlock a sampling of those resources - head over to EmptyNestSuccess.com - where you may also support this podcast, join the C.E.O. Training Team, or purchase other premium content.
Want to know more about the C.E.O. Training team? I’ll share more at the tail end of this episode.
If you are looking for something specific or would like to hop around within this episode, you’ll find time markers in the show notes.
00:01:57
[computer game level up music (short)]
My Wish for You Today
My wish for you today is that you realize the power you have within yourself. For example, take a moment to think of the you of ten years ago. Remember a happening in your life where you were stressed out and wondering how things were going to play out. Do you have it? Now jump to you of today, being you of many years later, what would you want to tell that amazing younger version of yourself?
Feel free to pause here while you think about it.
So I ask you, would you say something to your younger self that is encouraging - for example: “I know this feels like the end of the world right now. That is valid. You can work through that emotion, and also, I want you to know that you will manage through this, and you will look back on this one day and know you did it. I’m so thankful you are taking the steps you are taking right now but don’t forget to breathe, don’t forget to have some fun, don’t forget who you are, and don’t forget that you are doing an amazing job with all that you have on your plate. I believe in you. I am thankful for you, and I love you.”
Was it something like that?
Hopefully, what you came up with makes you feel good. If not, feel free to adjust it a bit until you come up with wording that you believe AND that makes you feel good.
And NOW, knowing that there is a future version of yourself that might want to say the same exact thing to you today - about things that might not be super comfortable in the present, you can use those same words for yourself.
Sure, I love reminding you how amazing you are but what is more important is that YOU believe and trust in your own amazingness. You’ve got this. You are navigating this life without an instruction manual, and let’s be honest, that is no joke.
00:03:57
[computer game level up music (short)]
New Things. New Things. New Things!
My personal new things, lately, have been - well - here are some examples: an unexpected new water heater, new roof repairs, a new car battery booster pack, oh, I do have a fun one (yes, this is fun for me) - solar panels for my portable generator. But in general, really fun stuff, right?
In all seriousness, though, I wish I had purchased the car battery booster pack years ago. Now, I don’t need another vehicle to jump my car, and feel confident I can help others if they ever need it. Do you have one of those?
I’ll put a link to the one I purchased in my show notes. Now that I have one and have seen how great they work, I believe everyone should have one of these - and no, this is not an ad or an affiliate link - I just love the thing.
00:04:45
[computer game level up music (short)]
My Lessons Learned
[inspirational music plays under this segment]
Give your children the space to be inspired to have a relationship with you.
Let me say that again.
Give your children the space to be inspired to have a relationship with you.
For many of us who have or have had our identities wrapped up in being a parent, this may feel super uncomfortable.
I’ve learned this lesson by watching my clients. I’ve been able to witness clingy moms who self-identify as “smotherers” - you know, like the Goldbergs? I’ve watched them begin to cautiously provide space to their children. Children who move out of the house, travel the world or take an activity that is difficult to comprehend as their parent.
The discomfort is fierce at first, and then it begins to level out into a calm ripple, if you will, until new emotions appear, such as surprise that they went days without worrying about their adult child. Or amazement that something they would have earlier lost their cool about or phoned all their friends to complain about for hours on end, well, these same parents now roll with the punches and find themselves even wondering, “What’s the big deal?”
Sometimes, they find that their children are at first unsettled by the change they are seeing in their parent - discomfort even - not in a painful way but more of a “who is this parent of mine, because I haven’t seen this side of them before.”
I’ve watched that parent who can’t seem to let go, holding so tight and causing their child to run away as fast as possible. I’ve seen that same parent emerge into a parent who appreciates where they are and what is ahead for them and their kiddo - even when that means they are continents away.
I’ve been able to hear first-account stories of the same children who couldn’t leave home fast enough to gain their freedom, become children who invite said-parent on trips with them, and also do things for mom and dad they never would have done before.
I’ve been reflecting on this lately. No, it’s not a scientific study - simply observation of some families. It does, though, make sense to me that when we, as parents, remove the forced expectations on our children in how they must behave and show up for us, that they then have the space to be inspired to have a relationship with us.
We’ve all heard it: If you love something, let it go.
And I don’t know about you, but I’ll choose an inspired relationship over a forced and motivated relationship any day.
It is better for everyone. It is better energy, and there is the space for everyone to be themselves. It’s beautiful. Sure, there are still messy moments, but they tend to be threaded with a lot more joy and silliness and overall fun.
Is there a downside to giving your child space?
When we do give them space and remove expectations, they have the opportunity to become keenly aware of the space. And this is where the blocks of relationship building that you have done up until this point matter.
If you give them space and in their reflection, they come to the conclusion that you don’t really love them - or like them - for who they are and that you really don’t have their back at all. They may not ever be inspired to relationship building with you.
I know, it’s really tough love, but it does happen. My guess, though, I’ll be honest, if you are listening to this podcast, this is NOT you.
But, my two cents - you can take them or leave them - is that I do believe most relationships can be healed if both parties are willing to show up in a way that gives space to one another. In a way where they’re aware that their own happiness depends on themselves - not on the other person.
I also believe in parental apologies where they are necessary- we are all human, anyway, and make mistakes. Sometimes we’re simply doing what we’ve been modeled our whole life.
We can learn. We can do better as we learn. We can apologize. We can forgive.
What we can’t do, ultimately, is control another human being. And would you want that kind of relationship long-term?
What we can do is be responsible for ourselves.
We can learn to love ourselves; we can treat ourselves better - setting an example (even if it is a new one) to our children, and then we can hold space for them to be who they are.
What a gift.
Wouldn’t all of us would much rather be with people who love us for who we are rather than remind us who we aren’t?
My listener, take care of yourself, my beautiful friend. Love on yourself. Allow your children space to be who they are - and love them for that - no more, no less.
Let them fail. Let them try things. Let them live. Celebrate for them when they are happy and let them know that you want a relationship for life with them, and talk about what that looks like for both of you - knowing that over time, how it looks may change.
Know, though, as you both grow more into who you are because the space is there to do that, you very well may be gifted with a stronger relationship than ever before.
Being a human and a parent isn’t easy.
I’d like to see my kiddo live life fully as they are meant to.
And if that means I’m in their life more or less - it is okay because they aren’t on this planet to serve me.
I’ve received the most thoughtful gifts, learned amazing lessons, been invited on trips, and am inspired all the time by my daughter. I can’t imagine a life where I forced more of what I need, what I expect, and I believe onto her. I know one thing for sure: I wouldn’t have any idea who she really was, and there’s a chance she wouldn’t either.
00:10:58
[computer game level up music (short)]
Ask Coach Christine
Christine, I’ve always wanted to be a mother. Now what?
I have heard this statement more than a few times from clients. Their life goal was to be a mother. Now that their child (or children) are moving out and on - in whatever capacity - they struggle with, “what now?” because that was their goal.
How incredible is it really, if this is you, you’ve reached your life goal?
First of all, parenthood doesn’t end because your child moves out. It does change. More than likely, you’ll see them again if you’ve earned a relationship with them, and, yes, we talked about that in the last segment.
Absolutely, things are going to be different in this new phase of life.
Parenthood should look different in the upcoming years, and now you get the amazing opportunity to create brand new life goals while knowing you’ve reached one. That’s amazing!
00:12:03
[quirky music under segment]
Christine? Christine? Christine, where are you?
Well, of course, C.E.O. Training Team to Empty Nest Success members have access to me, and I’m often creating resources for that space. I’m also traveling for an event or two and, believe it or not, taking some time off in October - [gasp].
And BabyBoomer.org! You’ll find this podcast now included in BabyBoomer.org’s podcast hub! BabyBoomer.org is the ultimate baby boomer news, guide & community - you’ll find topics such as news, entertainment, lifestyle, relationships, and more there. Full transparency, I’m not a baby boomer. I did mention that, and they thought my content was a great fit for their website visitors, so we have a lovely partnership - also check out the many other podcasts listed there as well! The link in my show notes will take you to the Kids & Family section of their listed podcasts.
00:13:07
[computer game level up music (short)]
What’s in your life’s toolbox?
Your C.E.O. Toolbox is the analogy we use here for items and resources that help you get through tough moments, enjoy the amazing moments, and then also do the deeper work as needed. Your C.E.O. Toolbox is yours. It should have things that work for you, and you should take inventory from time to time because sometimes things that worked well for you two years ago or a month ago, just aren’t working any longer.
Today, I’m sharing a top-of-the-toolbox item and it's standup comedy. My daughter invited me to see comedian Chris Fleming with her last weekend. The venue was incredibly intimate, which made it a bit surreal. Comedy is so good for the soul, and I do love using laughter as a reset. And laugh, we did! My face hurt for two days from all of the laughing. I’ll link some of my favorite Chris Fleming videos in my show notes - and try the one that’s E.T. related.
00:14:09
Two Questions for You
Question 1: Was being a parent what you always wanted to do?
and Question 2: Do you allow your child - or children - the space to be inspired into a relationship with you?
As always, I provide content to make you think, my empty nest friend.
My HOPE is that I’m able to provide you with thoughts that positively impact your life.
If you enjoy[ed] this episode, please don’t forget to share it with others; it’s the best way to allow it to reach a wider audience. Also, don’t forget to follow this podcast - Your Empty Nest Coach - in your favorite podcast player - or register for a free account in the empty nest success home. You may also join my Thursday Thoughts about email list, where I’ll pop in your inbox with a thought and updates on most Thursdays. Those are the best ways to be notified when I release a new episode.
All the links and resources I mentioned, you’ll find in this episode’s show notes.
Of course, I’ll be back next month with a new episode!
My empty nest or future-empty nest friend, may you provide yourself space to discover who you are because YOU ARE AMAZING!
We have Power Hours every Monday to reset yourself - you can show up (or not). You’ll get four private coaching sessions (15-minutes) with me to utilize however you like over six months of time.
You get all of the resources I’ve created to date, including workshops on a variety of topics, some lessons, what-if affirmations that show up weekly, and more.
More goodies are below, too! Please scroll down 
Send audio feedback to Coach Christine now: voicemail/text to 920-LIFEWIN (920-543-3946).
#emptynest #life #emptynestsuccess #midlifemom #resets #parentrecoveryadvocate #barbaradecker
More in episode 160 of the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast