Empty Nest Success Evangelist specializing in coaching mothers entering the empty nest. โ Master Motivator โ Podcast Host โ Together we'll channel your freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy! ~ Christine, Your Empty Nest Coach
Here we go. Another attempt at college during a pandemic. What an adventure for all of us - whether your child is heading back to campus with face masks, symptom monitoring, physical distancing, and no group hangouts, or if they are home.
No matter the choices that your family has made, motherhood is an adventure. Empty nesting shows up in our lives a little bit differently for each of us, but in the end, we all are doing our best to navigate this thing called life. If you need help discovering your future self, I'm here for you when you are ready to get to work.
Take deep breaths, my empty nest friend (or future empty nest friend), and do your best to enjoy the ride.
Coach Christine,
Your Empty Nest Coach
"I thought I would do a quick rundown of resources that I have available to you as you adjust to the empty nest - and for some of you the not-so-empty-nest."
Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.
โโโ More goodies below, too! Scroll down โ, so you don't miss anything! โโโ
New Podcast EpisodeCoach Christine shares resources she has created specifically for mothers who are having trouble adjusting to the idea of the empty nest (not-so-empty-nest, too)! #EmptyNest #NotSoEmptyNest #EmptyNestSyndrome
You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast with Coach Christine - Episode #107: Empty Nest Transition Resources. I work with mothers of high school students and beyond, who are in the trenches with sad and possibly, overwhelming thoughts about what their life will look like when their baby heads to college and begins to leave the nest. My clientsโ big question is what will I do with my time? Is this you? Iโve been there, and I get it. Empowering you to write the next jaw-dropping, amazing chapter in your life is my passion. I am energized by leading you in the process of exploration and am thrilled when you unlock the power that lies within you. This podcast is my gift to you.
[intro] - be sure to use new 2020 intro: podcast creation files folder
Hello, my empty nest friend and CEO of Your Life!
00:00:45
Tomorrow, our daughter heads off to her senior year of college, in the midst of a year that continues to challenge the resilience of all humans. As promised in my last episode, this episode is going to be a quick one. I thought I would do a quick rundown of resources that I have available to you as you adjust to the empty nest - and for some of you the not-so-empty-nest.
First Iโll start with the podcast. Many of the episodes and resources I have created are pre-pandemic, so adjust as needed, as you listen.
00:01:20
In episode 2, I discuss Is the Empty Nest real?, and some ways to combat the sadness and loneliness - remember, you arenโt alone. I created this entire podcast for amazing humans just like you.
In episodes 3 - 7 - I dive into how much power you are giving away in your life through the thoughts in your mind. This is a deeper series and youโll find the concept of thought deliveries throughout my podcast episodes.
I have episodes on specific areas such as when you arenโt a fan of your childโs major (episode 9), how to get rid of guilt (episode 18), now that you have more time together - maybe your partner is driving you crazy? (episode 25), maybe you have no idea what to do with your time ahead - then check out episode 29, or if youโre looking on how to find friends in the empty nest: episode 31.
00:02:14
I also have interviews with experts - one of my favorites for the first semester is my chat with Katy Oliveira in episode 28 where we chat about what mom should expect during the first semester in college.
I did a not-so-empty-nest-series when the physical distancing began for our family, and the wrap up of that series you may find particularly useful if your student is staying home for all (or part) of the school year - for whatever reason.
00:02:42
Of course, I have the GPS Support Flock Membership that will quickly fill your empty nest with ideas, thoughts, and activities for you to begin to discover who you are beneath all of the roles youโve had for the last 18 or so years. Should you be interested in learning more about those, check out my free on-demand training session: Why You Donโt Know What is Next For Your Life.
Iโve also been hanging out in Pinterest Stories lately, and have tried a few Instagram Reels - you may want to check those out.
00:03:12
Of course, there is my website where you may search for anything Iโve discussed - that is YourEmptyNestCoach.com. Should you be looking for quick tips and thoughts Iโve shared with others, be sure to check out my media & press page for additional interviews or posts that Iโve done on other peopleโs websites or podcasts - youโll find this by clicking on Work With Christine and there youโll find Media & Press in that sub-menu.
00:03:37
Yes, fall 2020 is going to look different than fall 2019. Thatโs a given. If you find yourself, now, spiraling in thoughts that their school life should look different, that maybe it isnโt fair to them - or to you - ask yourself, โwhy?โ Why do I believe that it should it look different? Did you get a different life-manual than I did that promises you things like the world you know isnโt going to change drastically? Yes, I am sneaking in a little bit of tough love here. But, I like to do that. Remember that when you live in the should have, you are arguing with reality. Look at what it IS, what is right now in your life, and choose to move forward. If you arenโt dead, my beautiful friend, how about you choose living in the now, rather than arguing with it and living in the should-haves.
00:04:30
Feel those emotions, and try remembering this: PSPF - Patience for self, Self-Love, Patience for Others, and Fun: Be patient with yourself as you adjust to the next segment of your lifeโs journey, shower yourself with love - especially in your thoughts, have patience for your partner and other household members as they are navigating the change, too. Remember that their emotions donโt have to match yours, and donโt forget to have some fun along the way. PSPF.
00:05:03
Okay, while youโre getting this on Friday, Iโm off to enjoy the final week at home with my daughter - unless there is a last minute โhey, weโre all going all onlineโ announcement - yeah, letโs keep it real - this is 2020.
I think I already talked longer than I had planned. Thanks for listening, today. I appreciate you more than you know.
00: 05:21
I was invited to chat with the amazing and wonderful Lauren Kinghorn of Inspiring Mompreneurs. It was great to connect with her, after meeting virtually online probably over a year ago . Take a listen and learn all about my grope calls - I mean group calls - yeah, nothing like getting that wrong in an interview - [giggle] - she has our chat on YouTube as well. Links, as always are in my show notes.
00:05:58
My resilient friend, you are navigating a journey that no one could have expected a year ago. Your choices are right because they are the choices you have made - live in the now and consciously choose when you are thinking about the future - always remembering that YOU, my beautiful friend, ARE AMAZING! Have a great day!
[bloopers]
00:06:35
Thanks! Thank you! Itโs time to thank our sponsor. This episode is sponsored by my membership community, The GPS Support Flock; Your Flight to Success in the Empty Nest. If you are ready to find the GPS of your life, sign up to receive an immediate and free download of my PDF, "How to Find Yourself in the Empty Nest," our GPS Life Principles document. You will also have the opportunity to learn about our community. See the link in this episode's show notes or fly on over to my website, YourEmptyNestCoach.com. Click the GPS Support Flock button. See you soon!
106: Whether Your Child is Going Back to Campus or Not, Feel those Feelings
Hello, my ah-mazing empty nest friend,
This is your reminder to feel those feelings.
Coach Christine,
Your Empty Nest Coach
"...whether your child (or children) are heading back to campus or staying home - for whatever reason, I encourage you to feel those emotions. Trust that you are strong enough to process through them."
Take a listen or read the full transcript at the bottom of this post.
โโโ More goodies below, too! Scroll down โ, so you don't miss anything! โโโ
New podcast episode Coach Christine shares her thoughts on emotions around back to college (or not) season. #EmptyNest #NotSoEmptyNest #BackToSchool #Emotions #NewEpisode
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach podcast with Coach Christine. Episode number 106: Whether Your Child is Going Back to Campus or Not, Feel those Feelings, Parents! I work with mothers of high school students and beyond, who are in the trenches with sad and possibly, overwhelming thoughts about what their life will look like when their baby heads to college and begins to leave the nest. My clientsโ big question is what will I do with my time? Is this you? Iโve been there, and I get it. Empowering you to write the next jaw-dropping, amazing chapter in your life is my passion. I am energized by leading you in the process of exploration and am thrilled when you unlock the power that lies within you. This podcast is my gift to you.
00:00:48
Hello, my empty nest friend and CEO of Your Life! This episode and my next one are going to be on the shorter side. Well, at least that is my plan, as my daughter is gearing up to head back to campus a week from when this airs.
This is my fourth round of her heading back to or heading to college - yes, sheโs heading into her senior year. I know that there is a level of anxiety that seeps into all we do. Even on the best years of on-campus returns, it is there. From all of us - yes, even my husband partakes in it. It manifests in different ways for each of us but it is there. Iโve seen it peek out in all of us over the last week.
Iโve noticed it in me. Iโve bumped up my presence-work a bit. But before diving into the present, I do my best to name the emotion Iโm feeling - or at least to recognize how it feels in my body - and then I see if I can identify the thought that is causing it. If you are a regular listener of my podcast, you know the drill from here.
00:01:50
Then, I work on pulling myself into the present, if the thought and emotion continues, I always find the more present I am; the less power that has on me, until eventually it has no power. That is the beauty of being present: โin the now,โ as Eckhart Tolle says. In Coach Christine speak, hmmmโฆ kind of like that,
It is as if, I wake up and check in with my protector. I ask them what the delivery is, I see it, notice what it is doing to me (oh, there is a lump in my throat, my stomach feels off), and by noticing it, the power in that thought delivery begins to already subside.
With that in mind, whether your child (or children) are heading back to campus or staying home - for whatever reason, I encourage you to feel those emotions. Trust that you are strong enough to process through them. Sometimes, by simply naming that it is anxiety, or it is nervousness, resentment, you manage to remove a layer (or sometimes ten layers) of that emotion that has a grasp on you.
00:02:54
Remember, you arenโt your emotions. You arenโt your feelings. You arenโt even the thoughts that you have. You are an amazing human doing their best to get from one day to the next. Be kind to yourself. Gift yourself with love.
And, yes, whether your child is heading back to campus or not, I invite you to process through those emotions, and then use the extra time you have to spend some time hanging out with them.
Give them the space to feel their emotions (of course you wouldnโt call it that, but youโll know what you are doing) - some ideas would be to take a walk with them - destination (or no destination), have a coffee date, maybe play a board game that they loved as a child - itโs always fun to revisit things like this.
00:03:40
Sometimes, we look back at board books or childrenโs books that were beloved in our house and we see the flaws in them or the things that we loved about them and it is a really fun discussion. So, while you are looking at the supplies they need for school, in the midst of all the doing of what needs to be done - be careful not to ignore what is going on behind all of those doing actions - for all of you.
Again, spend some time focused on your protector. Calm them down so that you may hold space for your family to see what lies behind their protectors. It is a gift that you will give you and your family - even if they are completely unaware of it.
Iโll be back in a week with another quick bite episode. Now, my beautiful friend, those family members that live in your house and you donโt have to socially distance from, give them a hug - give them a couple of extra ones this week and create some memories.
00:04:37
And never forget that you are amazing. See ya!
[Bloopers]
Thanks! Thank you! Itโs time to thank our sponsor. This episode is sponsored by my membership community, The GPS Support Flock; Your Flight to Success in the Empty Nest. If you are ready to find the GPS of your life, sign up to receive an immediate and free download of my PDF, "How to Find Yourself in the Empty Nest," our GPS Life Principles document. You will also have the opportunity to learn about our community. See the link in this episode's show notes or fly on over to my website, YourEmptyNestCoach.com. Click the GPS Support Flock button. See you soon!
The final part in a five part series: Empty Nest Prep. Your Empty Nest Coach, Christine, shares the Self Coaching Model tool that was assembled by Brooke Castillo of The Life Coach School. FAB-U-LOUS!
โโโ More goodies below, too! Scroll all the way down โ so you don’t miss anything! โโโ
Want to subscribe to this podcast? Great news – it is free!
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, episode number 7, Empty Nest Prep, part 5, Putting It All Together. … Hello, my empty nest friend! We made it. This is the final portion of my five-episode series titled Empty Nest Prep. These five episodes are the base level material of everything that I teach.
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, episode number 7, Empty Nest Prep, part 5, Putting It All Together. This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy with volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that’s been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it’s freaking you out. I’ve been there, and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
Hello, my empty nest friend! We made it. This is the final portion of my five-episode series titled Empty Nest Prep. These five episodes are the base level material of everything that I teach. I recommend listening to them in order, as they build upon each other and these five episodes have material that will be referenced throughout my podcast. For a quick review, in part one, we noticed our thoughts by picturing them as thought boxes being delivered to a house, which is our mind. In part two, we learned to observe those thought boxes while being kind to ourselves. In part three, we learned that we are responsible for our feelings 100 percent, and what thought box we open determines how we feel. In part four, we learned that our feelings create an action in our life, which create a result. I didn’t give you the very first piece of the puzzle. What? I know, so nice of me. I left that out on purpose. I’ve found that my clients get hung up on it when I start there.
What is this problematic first piece? It is the idea that your thoughts are optional about whatever circumstance you have. I’ve found the thought box story helps to set the stage for the phenomenal tool I’m about to introduce you to. If you’ve listened to all the episodes in this series, you already know four of the five elements that create this powerful too.
I introduce you to the self-coaching model. This model was assembled by the amazing life coach extraordinaire, Brooke Castillo, of The Life Coach School. I have not yet met her in person, yet. She’s no doubt my coach. I’ve been listening to her podcast since it started, or really close to when it started and it has changed my life.
Brooke’s self-coaching model has five elements in it that build off of one another. It begins with a circumstance. A circumstance is something that is indisputable by everyone on the planet. It is a fact. It is not drama. It is not full of adjectives. It is a simple fact that everyone agrees with. Everyone. When I say everyone, I mean everyone. I don’t mean everyone with the same views as you. I mean everyone. You know how your family can all be in the same room, someone says something, and while you find it hysterical, another person finds it offensive or awful, or boring, or stupid, or creative? Guess what? That reaction you have isn’t a circumstance then. Anything in your life that has the opportunity to be interpreted by other people in different ways is not a circumstance.
A circumstance is I am at home today. My child has a D on their transcript. My husband came home from work at 9:00 p.m. A circumstance is not I’m all alone at home today. My child’s life has been ruined by the D on their transcript. My husband doesn’t care about me because he comes home late. Do you see the difference?
By now, from our thought box visualization, you may recognize that my latter examples are thoughts. Thoughts that are optional. They may not feel optional, but I want you to trust me on it, and I want you to consider the possibility that I’m right. The circumstance is what triggers that bright light to suddenly shine on a particular thought box, and you automatically go to it. Are you with me? A circumstance happens. You have a thought. We already know that a thought creates a feeling for you, right? You sit in your thought box and sit in that feeling, which leads you to take an action, or inaction, and that produces a result.
The understanding of how those five elements work together to create a result in your life has the power to change everything. I’ve got to tell you. Now that I get it, I only wish I had learned it sooner. Gone are the days where I blame others for my feelings and for my actions. I will say it is much easier to assume that other humans on the planet are the cause of your feelings and actions, but when you blame others for your feelings, you flat out hand them complete control over your life. Right? That is not at all fun to think about. Imagine someone walks up to you and says you are a horrible mother. A spotlight turns on immediately in your head to a thought box that is labeled I am a horrible mother. You feel sad or anxious, or however that thought makes you feel. It will be different for everyone.
What if the spotlight shines on that thought box, you read it and you think, that’s not right. Turn the spotlight off and walk away to a different thought box. How do you feel? How do you show up in the world? What box do you want to choose and why wouldn’t you do that? Seriously. This is difficult because our minds flip on the spotlight continuously to boxes that we are used to opening. At first, you won’t even notice the spotlight. It’s such a strong pattern for you. Over time, you’ll start to notice it is on, and you’re in a thought box feeling all of whatever feeling is going on.
After time, you’ll begin to notice the spotlight as it turns on. A couple of times, you might even catch it before the switch to turn it on happens. It is a very simple concept when you understand it, but the work of it isn’t easy. It is worth every second you put into this. I hope you’ll join me because I’d love to see your life change the way mine has. Truly, you are worth the work, my empty nest friend, 100 percent.
In my next episode I will answer some of your questions.
The questions for this week are: 1) What are your thoughts about the self-coaching model and my visualization to go along with it? 2) What isn’t working in your life right now?
You are preparing for the empty nest ahead as your child(ren) prepares, heads off to, and experiences college.
Changes in four years since I first created this page: moved twice as a family, navigated all four years of out of state college for daughter (now graduated), I lost weight, started taking better care of myself, started working full-time while building this business, turned 50-years-old, hubby above is now ex-hubby, got a great new job, cranked out 150+ podcast episodes, attended my first podcasting conference, spoke at the next one, and just bought a manufactured home for me (and my daughter for as long as she needs to be there) to live in, changed my last name, podcast hit 100K downloads, and I’m working on a book!
Empty Nest Success doesn’t always look like over the moon happiness. Sometimes, it looks like accepting what is, processing emotions, and moving forward as peacefully as possible with little drama – and that feels amazing!
The fourth part in a five part series: Empty Nest Prep. Your Empty Nest Coach, Christine, continues her thought box visualization into ACTIONS/INACTION in your life.
โโโ More goodies below, too! Scroll all the way down โ so you don’t miss anything! โโโ
Want to subscribe to this podcast? Great news – it is free!
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, episode number 6, Empty Nest Prep, part 4, Taking ACTION in My Life. … Hello, my empty nest friend. How are you? I’m thrilled that you are here. This is part four of a five-episode series titled Empty Nest Prep. These five episodes are the base level material of everything that I teach. I recommend listening to them in order, as they build upon each other and these five episodes have material that will be referenced throughout my podcast.
Today, we’ve made it to our actions.
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, episode number 6, Empty Nest Prep, part 4, Taking ACTION in My Life. This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy with volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that’s been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it’s freaking you out. I’ve been there, and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
Hello, my empty nest friend. How are you? I’m thrilled that you are here. This is part four of a five-episode series titled Empty Nest Prep. These five episodes are the base level material of everything that I teach. I recommend listening to them in order, as they build upon each other and these five episodes have material that will be referenced throughout my podcast.
Today, we’ve made it to our actions. For a quick review, in part one we noticed our thoughts by picturing them as thought boxes being delivered to a house, which is our mind. In part two, we learned to observe those thought boxes while being kind to ourselves. In part three, we learned that we are responsible for our feelings 100 percent and what thought box we open determines how we feel. Now that we have identified the feeling, what comes next? That would be an action. This is your action, or inaction, in response to the feeling that you have in a moment.
In the example from our last episode, we automatically went to a thought box that led us to feeling frustrated. I’d like you to take a moment and feel frustrated. I have no doubt that there is something that immediately comes to your mind, that’s in your life, that leads you to frustration. I want you to go there for a moment. Feel that feeling in your body. Does it make you want to take, or not take an action? Let’s take the feeling of excited. There’s got to be something in your life that makes you feel excited. Go there for a moment. Feel that in your body. What type of action, or inaction, does it make you want to take? That feeling brings up the action or inaction in your life.
This is what I want you to understand. The feeling of frustration may bring you inaction and it could bring you an inability to have empathy for another human being. If the feeling of frustration is with your child, in a particular moment, how do you think you show up in the world, at that moment? If the feeling of frustration is while you are at work, do you believe it is even worth your time staying in frustration? How much work will you get done, when you have that feeling?
I’m adding on to our visualization now. Head back to your thought boxes. You chose your box. You always choose it. Right? You have a spotlight on it. You get in it. You then, sit in the box wrapped in the feelings of the box, and now, there is an action that happens. Almost as if you become one of those ballerina’s in a jewelry box that spins to music. Really picture this. You choose the thought box. You get inside of it and you feel the feeling. It’s written all over inside. The moment you are there, the platform begins to spin. This is the action that the feeling caused. As the platform spins, you are moved to an action, or maybe, this feeling causes no action at all because the crank is broken. In the way I visualize it, the action that takes place and the music playing is different based on the feeling associated with that thought box. Sometimes, I’m not even a ballerina. You make this whatever works for you. It’s your visualization.
At the end of that song, when the music stops playing, it marks the end of your action and you now, have a result. A result in your life, that you created. I hope you’re following me, because when we put all of this together in the final part of this series, next week, and you work on it, your life will change. I’ve already said this in a variety of ways, but every thought in your life is a thought that you have chosen. It might be such an incredibly well-worn path to a specific thought box, that you believe it has to absolutely, 300 percent be the thought that you have to have in that particular moment. But, my empty nest friend, that is never the case. You chose it. You can fight me on this. That is absolutely a thought, too. Be curious why you want that thought.
The important question is do you want your thoughts to boss you around?Or, do you want to use your thoughts to create the life you want? This brings us back to the beginning. All of those thought boxes and what causes us to go into the thought boxes, that is what our next episode is all about. We’ll put all of this together using a tool created by an amazing life coach in our next episode. I can’t wait to share it with you.
My questions for this week are:
1) Are you with me, or are you completely lost?
2) Have you noticed anything different about your life since listening to this podcast?
Since you are still listening, my Early Bird Registration may still be open for my six-week, personalized online coaching program. I have only a handful of spots available, and this program will never again be offered at this low early bird price. Head over to my website, YourEmptyNestCoach.com and click on the six-week coaching program link on my menu. There you will find videos, testimonials, and even a printable about the program. I would love to see you there. Go check it out!
You are preparing for the empty nest ahead as your child(ren) prepares, heads off to, and experiences college.
Changes in four years since I first created this page: moved twice as a family, navigated all four years of out of state college for daughter (now graduated), I lost weight, started taking better care of myself, started working full-time while building this business, turned 50-years-old, hubby above is now ex-hubby, got a great new job, cranked out 150+ podcast episodes, attended my first podcasting conference, spoke at the next one, and just bought a manufactured home for me (and my daughter for as long as she needs to be there) to live in, changed my last name, podcast hit 100K downloads, and I’m working on a book!
Empty Nest Success doesn’t always look like over the moon happiness. Sometimes, it looks like accepting what is, processing emotions, and moving forward as peacefully as possible with little drama – and that feels amazing!
The third part in a five part series: Empty Nest Prep. Your Empty Nest Coach, Christine, shares some news that you may not love- it has to do with your feelings.
โโโ More goodies below, too! Scroll all the way down โ so you don’t miss anything! โโโ
Want to subscribe to this podcast? Great news – it is free!
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, episode number 5, Empty Nest Prep, part 3, Your Feelings. … Hello, my empty nest friend. Five episodes in. How are you doing today? I’m choosing thoughts that lead me to be excited, because I just as easily could choose thoughts that lead me to be nervous about putting myself out there with this podcast. That is what this episode is all about. Your feelings.
Christine: You are listening to the Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast, episode number 5, Empty Nest Prep, part 3, Your Feelings. This podcast is for you, a mother who years ago walked away from a career to raise your child. Sure, you’ve been busy with volunteering, car pools, maybe part-time work and taking care of everyone. But your main gig, that’s been your child. Now, that they are in their later years of high school, the empty nest looms ahead for you and it’s freaking you out. I’ve been there, and I get it. Together, we’ll turn our freaking out energy into freaking awesome energy.
Hello, my empty nest friend. Five episodes in. How are you doing today? I’m choosing thoughts that lead me to be excited, because I just as easily could choose thoughts that lead me to be nervous about putting myself out there with this podcast. That is what this episode is all about. Your feelings.
This is part 3 of my five-episode series titled Empty Nest Prep. These five episodes are the base level material of everything that I teach. I recommend listening to them in order, as they build upon each other and these five episodes have material that will be referenced throughout my podcast. For a quick review, in part 1, we noticed our thoughts by picturing them as thought boxes delivered to a house, which is our mind. In part 2, we learned to observe those thought boxes while being kind to ourselves. Today, we look at our feelings. By feelings, I mean the emotional feelings that arise in you. I googled the definition and I got back, “feeling, an emotional state or reaction.” That is what I’m talking about here.
You probably aren’t going to love the next thing I say. Just know if you get this, it will change your life. You, and only you, are responsible for your feelings. I’m just going to let that sink in and I’m going to say it again. You, and only you, are responsible for your feelings. Are you still there? You haven’t switched podcasts yet? Yes, this is great! An example, when your child tells you to stop bugging them about getting their college application materials in and you are frustrated. Your child is not making you frustrated. Stay with me, here. You are making you frustrated. Stay with me.
Let’s go back to your mind completely cluttered with the thought boxes (this was in episode 3). Imagine in that moment, when your child says or does something that a particular box in your mind suddenly has a light shining on it. It is the only thing you can see in the many thousands of possible thought boxes that you have available to you. You go to it immediately. You run to it. You throw the box open and you sit in it. Why do you react this way? You have this behavior because you’re really good friends with this thought box. You go to it a lot. Let’s say, in this example that we’re using, about your child not getting in their materials, that the box that has the light on it, and you run to, says my child never listens to me and you are frustrated. Remember, you are now sitting in the box, the box labeled my child never listens to me. There’s a feeling that will come up. You may have multiple feelings arise but pick one of them. In our example, we are going to go with frustrated.
Back to you sitting in the box. Visualize the word “frustrated” and label it inside the box on every side, so that’s all that you can see. Why? Because your thought that led you there was my child never listens to me. What I want you to really grasp here is two things. One, you run to a particular thought because it’s easy and familiar to you. You don’t take the time to see if it serves you well. Number two, the thought box that you choose has everything to do with your feeling. You could have chosen a different thought box, and it would lead you to a different feeling. Let’s try some in our example. I’m going to say some thoughts. I want you to think them and take a moment to see if each one brings up the same feeling for you. How about, my child is overwhelmed with their life and I can help them? Or, I bet I can find a way to help my child? Or, I am learning how to communicate with my child? Or, I realize this isn’t the best time to talk about this, I’ll figure out a better time? Or, I want my child to know I love them in this moment? Then, there is our original thought, my child never listens to me? What about my child isn’t listening to me in this moment? Does that bring up a different feeling from the last one?
If you’re still with me, I am super excited. This is where the power to change your life starts to take hold. Understanding this is key. It will take time and you’ll always be working on it, so be patient with yourself. I wish we were taught this in school but, that is no excuse not to learn it now. If you want to dive deeper in all of this and to have personalized coaching with me, be sure to get on the waiting list for my six-week coaching program. Details are on my website.
My friend, I have a quick public service announcement. I can’t believe that it’s 2019, or will be, when you listen to this. Your child might have just been accepted into college or they’re finishing up their application. If your child is planning to attend college in the upcoming school year, and you haven’t completed the FAFSA, I recommend getting that done now. Just a friendly reminder as someone who did theirs yesterday. I’ll include a link to that in my show notes.
The questions I have for you this week are
1) Do you want to be controlled by your thoughts?
2)Find something that happened today, and see if had you chosen a different thought box, how would you have felt different?
As always, fly over to my Empty Nest Flock Community at youremptynestcoach.com/community to share your answers to this episode’s questions. I look forward to seeing you there, my empty nest friend.
Notice this week when you have a feeling you don’t like and be super curious about the thought that you are having. You are amazing! — Since you are still listening, my Early Bird Registration may still be open for my six-week personalized online coaching program. I have only a handful of spots available and this program will never again be offered at this low early bird price. Head over to my website: youremptynestcoach.com and click on the six-week coaching program link on my menu. There, you will find videos, testimonials and even a printable about the program. I would love to see you there. Go check it out.
You are preparing for the empty nest ahead as your child(ren) prepares, heads off to, and experiences college.
Changes in four years since I first created this page: moved twice as a family, navigated all four years of out of state college for daughter (now graduated), I lost weight, started taking better care of myself, started working full-time while building this business, turned 50-years-old, hubby above is now ex-hubby, got a great new job, cranked out 150+ podcast episodes, attended my first podcasting conference, spoke at the next one, and just bought a manufactured home for me (and my daughter for as long as she needs to be there) to live in, changed my last name, podcast hit 100K downloads, and I’m working on a book!
Empty Nest Success doesn’t always look like over the moon happiness. Sometimes, it looks like accepting what is, processing emotions, and moving forward as peacefully as possible with little drama – and that feels amazing!